Cultivate aversion to faultfinding
So today this is a very dramatic section from the Bhagavatam where Yamraj is going to correct is going to correct his followers the drama that happened earlier in the previous chapter do we need this? am I audible like this or no? we don't really need low down the we put it too loud don't put it too loud is it better now? thank you Yamraj so the Vishnu Dutas have stopped the Yamdutas from taking the soul of Ajamila and the Yamdutas have been frustrated they thought that it was their authority and their authority has been questioned and they have returned to Yamraj and asking questions to him so the topic I will focus on learning to take the positive from a mistake learning to take the positive from a mistake actually the Yamdutas have done a mistake and Yamraj will explain how they have done a mistake but the first thing that Yamraj does is sees this is an opportunity to remember Lord Narayan although his servants have violated have transgressed into the jurisdiction of Lord Narayan and his servants and he will have to correct but what he sees first and foremost is at least they chanted the name of Narayan and he is happy that he is so actually we all commit mistakes and especially when we go in a position when we become senior when we get a position of authority then we often have to correct the mistakes of others and at that time some mistakes can be so serious that they need to be strongly corrected some mistakes they may not be so serious but sometimes we just feel angry that this person has committed a mistake and we come down too heavily on that person even for a small mistake sometimes our reaction can be disproportionate and when we are in a position of correcting others even if it is for their good eventually fault finding can become a habit in the Bhagavad Gita in the 16th chapter when Krishna talks about the divine and demoniac natures in the 16th chapter first three verses he talks about the divine nature and thereafter he is talking about the demoniac nature so one of the characteristics of those who are in the divine nature Krishna says so it is a long list one of the characteristics relevant for us means aversion to fault finding in contrast in 16.4 Krishna says that the characteristic of the ungodly the demoniac is that so the demoniac people they get angry very quickly Krishna contrasts that the godly don't get angry and even if they get angry they don't vent out their anger by finding faults with others that is the godly characteristic ungodly the demoniac characteristic is their krodha they get angry and parushya parushya means harsh speech they speak very harshly some people consider Krishna later on in the 18th chapter says that that some people consider expertise in insulting others as cleverness how cleverly I insulted that person well our goal is not to insult people our goal is to instruct people and instructing may require correcting but when we insult people it wounds them terribly you may say it is just your ego but actually the ego is dear to everyone and whatever we have we have to channel our bhakti accordingly so apaisvina means one who does not one who is not eager to find faults Krishna also says one of the characteristics of a pure devotee Rupa Goswami says this one who is not inclined to find faults with others so here now this is not when we say aversion to fault finding that does not mean that one never finds faults in a sense any role in which we are like a parent or a guardian or a mentor there are two aspects to it there is encouraging and there is correcting please continue it you know when a child takes the first step millions of people all over the world are walking when a child takes the first step parents are jubilant because for that child it is the first step it is a significant milestone so when something right is done we encourage and something wrong is done and the child is going and putting hand in the fire don't put it there so now both are done in such a way that the child can grow so usually if the parents don't correct the child at all then the child will keep doing wrong things and the child will injure oneself so correcting is required no doubt at the same time if correction becomes the primary function primary mode of interaction as soon as the parents see the child oh you have kept it, you have not kept your things properly you know you have not done this thing, you have forgotten that so if that becomes the primary mode of interaction then that creates a wall then the children close off especially when they get a little independence when teenage years or youth they just completely rebel at that because they don't feel loved, they feel judged and when they feel judged nobody likes to be judged and especially judged negative so what applies in parenting also applies in any kind of caretaking so Yamraj is in the position of authority and for him his lord is very dear and for his servants to have violated into that territory to have offended the servants of the lord it is a problem but he doesn't pounce on them some people they delight in fault finding I caught you now, I caught you doing wrong and then when they delight in fault finding that completely alienates people for us it may be in our spiritual life there is basically, there is Seva there is Sadhana and there is Siddhanta Seva is the practical services that we are doing Sadhana is the way we are doing our chanting, our study of scriptures there is Siddhanta, there is philosophical understanding so now in all of these sometimes we may need to correct others somebody is doing a service and we don't do the service properly somebody is not doing their service properly then we need to tell them at the same time we need to know that people are are mostly volunteers they don't have to serve Krishna sometimes we feel, no when I correct them by correcting them they will improve but actually more than the knowledge to improve, people need the inspiration to improve, more than the knowledge to improve people need the inspiration to improve and if they are constantly criticised, criticised, criticised they lose the inspiration to improve even when they know the right thing they don't feel like doing it there was a survey done in Wisconsin University in America there was a group of students in the fine arts faculty there were these kids, so the boys formed a club they all wanted to become professional writers they formed a club and a group and decided that whatever we write, we will critically review all our writings we will find out the faults in each other's writings and they said that way we can all by knowing the faults we can work on those faults and remove those faults now there was also a group of girls in that group the girls felt that you know we also want to do something, but we will do the opposite of what the boys have done so they said that whatever we write we will find the good points in that and then the survey was done and the researchers traced these kids 20 years down the line and they found among the boys not one boy had become a professional writer and even among the remaining boys no one was known even in their informal writing as a good writer and out of that group almost 30% were afraid of writing whenever they would write they would become fearful on the other hand among the girls three of them had become published authors and all the remaining girls were known in their social circles as very good writers very articulate so what happened? the intention was to improve among the boys but what happened was the execution by finding fault it simply discouraged them and they just didn't put in the effort to improve they just lost heart and this is all the more true when something is done voluntarily if we are working in a company or an office and the boss is irritable we may just have no other job then we will tolerate it but that's a matter of livelihood for us but if it's a voluntary activity then we just lose inspiration so for us when we are instructing people we need to give the knowledge of what is the right thing but more important much much more important is to give the inspiration to do the right thing and that inspiration it comes when we see things spiritually seeing things spiritually means this person among the millions of billions of people in the world this person is among the few who is trying to serve Krishna how many people are there in this world who are actually trying to serve Krishna very very very few and Krishna says among thousands and thousands of people and among thousands of those who endeavour to know me there are only a few who actually come to me so even those who are trying to practise bhakti are very very rare and among those people sometimes they may just do this thing like this one small thing they do wrong and then sometimes just make a big come down on them as if they deserve capital punishment so what happens we indianate people somehow sociologists have found especially family therapists they have found that people the closer the relationship is the more casual people become in passing biting comments normally if we are in office we are in a formal setting even if somebody does something wrong we will control ourselves we will not speak negatively there is a certain decorum expected when we are in office but when we come to home if our spouse, our child, our parent, our relative somebody does something wrong we just pass comments so casually and those arrows can hurt terribly they can be like wounds in the heart which last forever now why does it happen that in relationships where actually we are the closest that we often pass comments very casually hurting comments very casually and that is largely because we take the other person for granted we take the other person there only but the thing is that we cannot take anyone for granted in this world everybody nowadays with relationship is becoming more and more volatile nobody is bound by anything so if people lose heart just give up and go so many times our purpose when we are trying to practise bhakti when we are trying to share bhakti it is not just to tell the right thing it is to tell the right thing in a way that inspires people to do the right thing if you tell the right thing in a way that disheartens people then they just get completely alienated so now this means that we have to see the Krishna connection ok this person has done this terrible mistake but Krishna is in control Krishna has allowed this to happen so it is not necessarily a good thing, it may be a bad thing but Krishna has allowed it to happen even if this mistake has some serious consequences Krishna will take care as his representative I may have to do something to take care but the problem comes when we start thinking that I am the absolute controller and I have to correct this person so sometimes when somebody does something wrong we take that as a threat to ourselves as our own failure why did this person do like this no, we are not the controllers Krishna is the controller and that person has their own free will they may do the right thing, they may do the wrong thing Prabhupada came to America he was praying to Krishna my dear lord, by your arrangement people have fallen in illusion and if it be your desire then they can come out of illusion and if that is your desire then please make my words understandable to the people that means we may have a particular relationship with people in which we may be at a higher position than them maybe we have to correct them but ultimately we don't have control over that it is only Krishna who is present in their heart Krishna can guide them to do the right thing and even Krishna gives them freedom Krishna doesn't interfere with their freedom at the end of the Bhagavad Gita Krishna tells Arjuna now deliberate deeply and decide what you are going to do so Krishna is the Bhagavad Gita reveals a vision of God who respects human intelligence and human independence Krishna acknowledges that you are independent Arjuna you are going to do whatever you want to do but he says you have your independence use your independence according to your intelligence so deliberate deeply so by your intelligence use your independence this means we can only appeal to people's intelligence we cannot force people to do anything even God does not do that in that sense the Bhagavad Gita's vision of God is significantly different from the Bible's vision of God although it is one God that is being talked about the Biblical God talks about commandments thou shalt do this thou shalt not do this Krishna's mood is not so much of giving commandments Krishna's mood is more of giving knowledge about choices and consequences if you do this this will happen now you decide what you want to do so if we consider the point that everybody is trying to serve Krishna in their situation they may be having struggles of which I am not conscious for me something may be very easy to do but for that person that thing may be very difficult because all of us have our own conditions some of us may be very conscious of cleanliness and we keep things very clean and there are some people who seem to be missing the cleanliness gene wherever they go within a matter of minutes that place transforms into a garbage dump just within minutes it's almost like a perverse miracle how everything orderly can suddenly become so disorderly and we may feel very irritated why do you do like this sometimes you know those people such a big mess I didn't notice also so what has happened is that we may think why are they so insensitive cleanliness is important why are they not keeping things clean yes cleanliness is important things should be kept clean but from our perspective cleanliness is easy it's natural it's important but from their perspective with their conditioning they may just not notice that things are clean or unclean it's just not in the way they think now all of us by our conditionings certain things are highlighted and certain things are neglected certain things we care for very much certain things we don't care for too much and we can look at our own life and see some things which we struggle to do so for example we may be very clean but we may have difficulty in being punctual we want to come on time but somehow this thing happens that thing happens and we get late if we see from our perspective what is difficult for us and just as that thing is difficult for us similarly this thing is difficult for them so for me cleanliness is easy and the other person not being clean it just enrages me it's so simple to keep things clean but for them it is not simple because by our conditioning we all become desensitised to some things the mistake happens when we equate the desensitised with the insensitive insensitive means that the person just doesn't care desensitised means we just don't notice I'll give you an example to differentiate between the two let's say some people who like to play music but they just don't have any sense of music so you know they may come to a kirtan and they will pick up kirtan and start playing and they are blissful but everybody else is in misery because they are playing completely out of tune now they are blissful because they are just not sensitised to music it's not that they want to create a mess in the performance they just don't have a musical sense by which they can understand that they are doing something wrong so they may just be desensitised when they are desensitised and we think they are doing this just to trouble me that person they are playing out of tune not to trouble us they just don't understand their music so like that sometimes some people from their perspective in that particular thing they may be very desensitised so for them cleanliness as a problem doesn't register for us it registers very much so what happens another example to talk about desensitised and insensitive is like say some people may be get some disease or something by which they lose sensation in some part of the body and if somebody touches them they don't even feel it and somebody else may have some kind of wound on that part of the body and as soon as now touch causes pain for example you go to security and they are tapping the body and somebody asks do you have any sensitive spots in your body because normally people touching is not a problem but some people may be a problem so the worst situation happens when we are super sensitive about something and the other person is desensitised about that so then it creates enormous incompatibility and at that time both people need to take steps so the person who is super sensitive and other person is desensitised this person is not doing this to trouble you it doesn't make sense, it doesn't register and therefore that's how we can become understanding so we may have to educate them about the importance of that thing and that takes time, that takes energy that takes maturity for them also something which may seem so obvious to us may take a long time for them to understand when Srila Prabhupada was in New York and Haigaru Prabhu was typing his manuscripts Srila Prabhupada, and Prabhupada came into the room and he Prabhupada trained him, whenever the spiritual master comes he should offer obeisances he was sitting on the floor and writing so he saw Prabhupada coming and in order to offer obeisances with his leg he started pushing the typewriter so Prabhupada said, don't touch the typewriter with the leg he said, that is sacred so Haigaru Prabhu said, Swamiji do you mean that the typewriter is sacred and my leg is not sacred Prabhupada replied, you are a Vaishnava, your leg is also sacred but sacred objects are to be dealt with in a particular way and the respect we show for sacred objects is we are not touching them with the leg so Prabhupada was patient if Prabhupada had been fault finding with his disciples he could have seen millions of faults he would not have been able to inspire people to practise bhakti if he had been a fault finder he was aware it's not that we were blind to the faults but what Prabhupada saw was the spark of spiritual interest and he fanned that spark of spiritual interest and that's how people became encouraged, people became enlivened to serve and yes there are standards which need to be followed but the standards also have to be presented in a way that inspires people to rise to them that doesn't make people feel condemned because they are not able to follow so the whole attitude is how can I help this person come closer to Krishna so if we always in our relationship with others if Krishna is there I am not just relating with this person the way I relate to this person determines how I relate with Krishna my relationship with Krishna depends on how I am relating with this person and this person may be troubling me this person may be doing something wrong and I may need to correct them how should I act in a way by which Krishna will be pleased and Krishna will not be pleased if that person becomes discouraged and goes away from the practise of bhakti so even when we have to tell them the right thing to do we have to tell it in a way that encourages them to come close to Krishna so sometimes I was talking about seva, siddhant, sadhana sometimes practical services there are certain standards to be followed and if somebody is not following you need to correct them but that has to be done in a sensitive way not in a way that hurts and alienates people because when we do it in a way that hurts people then people just become why should I serve Krishna, why should I do this so I was in a temple and I gave a class on cultivating a non-judgemental attitude and after that when Mataji came and she and her husband they said that they are very educated people both of them are PhD scientists and she was from a Shakta background Shakta is the worshippers of Shakti so among Shakta worshippers they often eat meat that's a normal practise among them so she had come to the temple for the first time in a western country and she saw that there were some Mataji's who were making garlands so she also started making garlands and then suddenly some devotee came in and asked her do you eat meat? she just didn't know what to say she just nodded her head and that devotee just picked up the garland from which she was making and hurled it on the ground she says that if you are eating meat you cannot even touch the things that are meant to be offered to the deities it was horrible she just went away crying she had come there with a desire to serve nobody has to know how many people just walk into a temple and want to make garlands for the lord she had a service attitude but what this devotee said oh you eat meat how can you make garlands for the lord so it was her sincerity although she met some other devotees who were more understanding more sensitive now she is a wonderful devotee practising bhakti preaching bhakti but that path to Krishna was made unnecessarily difficult for her yes we may have certain standards for the deities but what we need to see is people's service attitude it is very easily possible to make the garland even if that garland is not offered to the deities how is that person going to come to know that so we have to be sensitive we may have our standards but our standards should never be practised in a way that makes people feel guilty makes people feel bad standards are just for inspiration so that people can come closer and this also applies to sadhana in philosophy different people come from different backgrounds and people may have their own misunderstandings and if you just bounce down on them this is wrong especially people get inspiration from different spiritual leaders and they may have read some different leaders this spiritual teacher that spiritual teacher and they have some respect for that person they have some affection for that person some regard some esteem for that person and if we just this person is like this this person is like that this person is like that people just get totally irritated now this again we have to if a person has a misunderstanding we need to correct that misunderstanding but the point of correcting the misunderstanding is not just to prove that I am right and you are wrong it is to help that person come closer to Krishna if we if that person says ok I am following so and so teacher and they say that person is a rascal that person is this that person is that they have some regard for them they just get shocked people are fanatical I don't want to be with you just go away from there so our goal should be how can I get this person to come closer to Krishna and you may need to correct their understanding but you have to correct in a way that inspires them to come closer to Krishna at one time you know I had been I was severely sick and I was hospitalised and I was given many bottles of blood so I needed to inject the inject the needle in the syringe either to take blood or to give blood so you need to create a small hole in the veins so now what had happened was my whole hand was filled with small small pills at that time so the nurse who came to put in the syringe you know that nurse almost for 7-8 minutes that nurse was searching where to put the syringe put the needle so that the blood could be blood sample could be taken now that nurse could have said you know if you have so many holes in your body that's your problem my problem is I have to take the blood so that nurse could have very well put the needle in a spot where already there was a hole and that would have caused more pain but knowing that there was pain already that nurse found a way where the syringe could be put elsewhere so like that people based on their backgrounds may have certain soft spots certain super sensitive spots and even if for a medical purpose even for the purpose of correcting we need to instruct them so we need to correct them but still the hole has to be made in the body to either take blood or give blood whatever but that can be done so pain has to be caused but just because pain has to be caused doesn't give us a licence to cause extra pain now we cause as less pain as possible similarly even if somebody has to be corrected we correct them in a way that is as painless as possible and here we see Yamaraj showing by his example first thing he doesn't say you have committed a big mistake you fools what have you done first thing he doesn't say remember Lord Krishna similarly even if some people have committed a mistake they made some mistake in serving the deities at least we are all serving the deities so we remember Krishna and as soon as we remember Krishna we start seeing things in perspective and after seeing things in perspective then we can do whatever is required sometimes we may correct at that time sometimes we may correct later sometimes we just decide this doesn't need to be corrected they will learn in their due course so when we have this aversion to fault finding aversion means we are not eager to find faults sometimes aversion to fault finding doesn't mean absence of fault finding sometimes faults have to be found out but one doesn't get any joy in finding faults actually it causes one distress to find faults in others yes you are so sincere trying to serve Krishna but you know this is not up to the mark so we need to do this this this so if there is aversion to fault finding then we will be very cautious in when we speak faults how we speak faults and we will speak it in a way that helps us to come closer to Krishna and that attachment to fault finding comes from the sense of ego that you know I know so much I have done so much and you don't know anything because of the ego we feel eager to find faults but when there is basic humility actually I was also so fallen I even now have so many conditions I also make so many mistakes now what right do I have to correct others but somehow I have been put in a position of service where I need to guide you therefore I will do this so when we have a basic platform of humility knowing that we also need to be corrected for so many things so then when we correct others we won't do it in a judgemental way we will do it in a sensitive compassionate way and thus we will not only tell people the right thing to do but we will also inspire them to do the right thing and that will not only help them do the right thing but by that we will please Krishna and we will ourselves move closer to Krishna so I will summarise I spoke today about how Yamaraj when his servants have found faults he doesn't focus on the fault he takes the positive from the mistake what is the positive? oh here is an opportunity to remember Krishna so the fact that we are serving Krishna this soul is also trying to serve Krishna that is the positive so take the positive from mistakes so he focusses first on the positive remembering Krishna and then in future verses we will see how he corrects please at least I have an opportunity to remember Krishna so when we are in the position of authority when to guide others we have two rules we have to encourage people to do the right thing and we have to correct people when they do the wrong thing so if parents they only correct then the children get alienated and eventually when they get independence they just break the relationship similarly bhakti is being practised voluntarily by most people by all of us so we may correct people this is the right thing, this is the wrong thing but if that correction becomes the primary mode of interaction then people feel discouraged, alienated and they just stop practising so correction doesn't lead to improvement because for improving people don't just need to know the right thing to do they also need to have the inspiration to do the right thing and correction can take away the inspiration we talked about boys and girls boys we simply corrected each other and nobody became good writers the girls appreciated each other and everybody became good writers so in the practise of bhakti when we have certain standards to follow our focus is not just on doing the right thing we have to appreciate that among the millions of people who are doing big big wrong things these devotees at least try to serve Krishna and while serving ok some mistake is made but we see the big picture and see how special the devotees are that they are remembering Krishna and they are trying to help we are all trying to remember Krishna together with that focus even if it is any standard that is to be maintained, the purpose of the standard is to inspire people to rise higher it is not to condemn people, make people feel condemned for being so low whether it is service or sadhana even if some service is wrongly done we can encourage people in a way that doesn't make them feel hurt or alienated I gave the example of the Mataji who was making garlands and then even if it is a person has got some wrong understanding but if they are attached to some other spiritual teacher rather than just judgementally saying that they are wrong we have to see how best that person can come to the right understanding so if people have sensitive spots just like the injection needs to be given there it will cause less pain like that if people are attached to a particular spiritual teacher we can be sensitive around that speak the truth but in a way that doesn't hurt people and when we are trying to correct others some people just repeatedly keep committing the same mistake we tell them to be clean and they are unclean rather than seeing that these people are just doing this to pester me I can understand that maybe this person is desensitised because of their conditioning this just doesn't register in them and because of my conditioning this may be very important for me and I can immediately notice it so the worst interaction happens when somebody is super sensitive about one thing and another person is desensitised about another thing so desensitisation is not even in sensitivity some people may just not understand that I am playing music wrong so they are not creating trouble, they are just not understanding it so then we need to help them understand what is the right thing to do in a more sensitive way, in a more understanding way and to get this understanding we can look at the things which we find difficult to do so just as our particular conditioning is difficult for us to overcome say punctuality or whatever it is so similarly for them that particular conditioning is difficult to live up to so by this when we keep Krishna in the centre instead of thinking that I am the controller and I have to make this person do the right thing we understand ultimately it is Krishna only who will inspire this person to do the right thing so we act in a way we should try to tell that person what is the right thing but we act also in a way that he is Krishna so Prabhupada if he had been finding faults nobody would have become a devotee Prabhupada was aware of the faults he focused on seeing the spark of Krishna Bhakti and encouraging that in everyone and by a similar disposition we focus not just on saying the right thing but on inspiring people to do the right thing and whatever right inclination we encourage that and gradually they will improve and they will also become wonderful so when we are attached to fault finding that springs from the false ego where I think I know and you don't know whereas when we are humble I was also ignorant like that, I also committed so many mistakes so we may correct but we don't delight in correcting we do it as a service, we do it sensitively and that way we do it fruitfully by virtue they come closer to Krishna and we also go closer to Krishna thank you very much very nice, very practical very useful in our relationships and meetings to encourage and stress the positive Prabhupada actually did that also for every friend he always expressed great gratitude Prabhupada gave us everything yet he felt that he was also the recipient of our own good service and help but then there was also many instances where Prabhupada had to deal with devotees who were fault finding and in one instance which was a good lesson for everyone Prabhupada said, why do you seem to be so concerned with everyone else's shortcomings first you be strict with yourself and be lenient with others, that's how Prabhupada corrected that strict with yourself, don't look for your own improvement don't be concerned with others improvement and be lenient with others I still need improvement you developed that lesson thank you, be strict with yourself be lenient with others thank you for being lenient with me when I came so late it was well worth the wait you were saying that you did a seminar on YouTube I have a website called thespiritualscientist.com there if you search for non-judgemental attitude a three part seminar was there I did that in Australia similar to what you were saying I heard a very nice story an indigenous family went preaching in Paris they would go door to door and preach to others they went to a meat shop and was preaching to the preacher for quite some time and the preacher was very impressed so he said I have to give you something because you spoke so nicely so he gave a salami and the other devotee was watching him accepting the gift when they came out how could you accept salami? he has been inspired by my talk if I don't take it I am going to throw it away in Ramlila also there is this fisherman Guha he offers Lord Ram fish and Lord Ram accepts it sometimes we just see the object and we don't see the intent so for them after appreciating a programme somebody gives a gift of meat, salami what to do? it's very easy to get caught in externals this is simple, I can't take it but actually for that person that is the medium by which they are expressing their appreciation so different people based on their culture their upbringing, their situation they will express their appreciation in their own way so when we see that intent the intent is more important than the content so what happens is the content may not be acceptable to us but when we don't take the content people feel their intent is not so when that happens we just feel offended so these are the things which we just need to be sensitive about because actually for many people meat is very precious, it's expensive and wine is precious people celebrate by taking wine so if that is the language in which people are appreciating then we need to see the intent more than the content Krishna himself does that Uddhav, Akrura's wife Krishna comes to their house and she is so excited, she offers Krishna bananas but what happens, she peels off the banana and throws the banana and gives Krishna the peels and Krishna eats the peels Krishna eats the peels we say peels are not edible one time I decided I wanted to get a little more realisation of this fast time so I took a peel and tried to eat it I could eat only a little maybe one tenth of the peel I could eat I don't want any more realisation so if Krishna is shown by the exam when there is some devotional intent then definitely we need to appreciate that and that is not it's just the first interaction we are having maybe that is the only interaction we are going to have then that is not the time to tell people that meat is bad it will take time to explain things so the major problem comes that we think that that which is right and wrong all of it I have to tell in one interaction it's not like that in one interaction we may just be able to tell one small nugget at that time so that person appreciates some philosophy and then yes, they are expressing their appreciation so thank you for sharing that any other questions? yes ma'am plus minus plus yes yes definitely so psychologists often talk about the sandwich method for correction first appreciate, then correct and then again appreciate yes that is a very nice way of doing things and basically in any relationship when we appreciate that is like a deposit when we criticise or correct that is like a withdrawal so the relationship will be stable will be strong to the extent that the deposit is more than the withdrawal so if sometimes you may do it at that time itself but overall also say if you have 10 interactions with someone, out of which 9 are positive and one in which there is correction then the balance remains positive so it is important that when certain action of people is corrected we should be able to differentiate between the person and the action the action was not right but you are a good person so what happens when you do something wrong and somebody tells us this is wrong we feel as if we are rejected so this plus minus plus what it does is, it helps us to separate the person from the action separate the person from the behaviour so I am not I am not rejecting you I am not demeaning you, I am not insulting you you are a nice person, you are a good devotee so the plus plus part in the beginning and end it reassures the person that we respect them as individuals, we respect them as devotees we respect them as valuables and in the minus part is what we separate the person from the behaviour separate the behaviour from the person and point out that this behaviour was not good, was not proper so many times what we do is instead of pointing out the behaviour we move from the behaviour to a moral judgement, to a value judgement somebody has not cleaned their room you are so irresponsible this becomes an attack directly on the person instead of separating the behaviour from the person we just attack that person that just makes it very bad so basically principles like plus minus plus the sandwich principle, they are basically meant to make sure that we validate the person while we are correcting their particular behaviour thank you seen how to or how to or how to put the… put the… or put the… or put the… I am sorry if it's not so clear so we have the receiving end and we are corrected by someone what can we do at that time how can we respond yes and for all of us to be corrected is distressing it is painful but at the same time if the Prabhupada would say that I correct you because I love you, I care for you so if we have that basic assurance in the devotee community I'm valued for I care for and then this person is this person is correcting me because they want me they want my good so there are so many people in this world doing so many terrible things we are not going and correcting all of them because you know we are not emotionally invested in them so we can see the see the correction as not so much of a rejection but as a as a sign of care that this person cares for me so if if some people are just just have a habit of correcting and then that discourages us and sometimes as I said if we if somebody is repeatedly correcting we start feeling threatened we start feeling ourselves rejected then in that situation we may need to create a safe distance how we do that practically now we minimise our interaction with that person or we see that we can be we can be either instructed to some other person practically we may have to adjust this because it's ultimately our enthusiasm in our spiritual life is our responsibility we cannot let another human being, even if they are a devotee, even if they are a senior devotee we cannot let them erode our enthusiasm.
If that is the effect of somebody's association on us then we have to create some distance and how we do that as I said that will vary upon time based circumstance but nobody should be allowed to discourage us in our bhakti. Just like say if Krishna is here I am here now there is one way in which people can, I can be obstructed in my Krishna bhakti somebody tempts me to do things which take me away from Krishna. Somebody tempts me into immoral things, anti-devotional things and then if somebody is like that if some person is tempting me in a wrong direction then I will keep a distance from that person.
That doesn't necessarily mean that person is bad but the mode of interaction between us is in such a way that it is taking me away from Krishna so we need to keep a safe distance. Similarly when we are going towards Krishna and if somebody discourages us in that, just as people who tempt us away from Krishna we will keep a distance from them, not judging them but for our own safety. Similarly people who discourage us when we are trying to go towards Krishna, we also need to keep a distance from them.
So that way we don't blame others because my authority is so judgemental that's why I am so disheartened. Yes authority is judgemental but we have to find out some other sources where we get encouraged or we have to you know as devotees this is it's very important I have a full seminar on this topic you know devotees need a tender heart but we also need a tough hide. We need to be thick-skinned because as devotees we are going to be criticised.
We are going to be criticised. We will be criticised by materialistic people because we are values are so different from them and we are also going to be criticised by devotees because many devotees are judgemental. They are very judgemental so as devotees we want to cultivate a tender heart but we also need a thick skin, a tough hide by which people criticise.
There are some people's criticism just understand this person is like this and they're going to speak like this. I'm not going to take it seriously. And we move onwards and outwards.
Does that answer your question? Does that address your question? Yes absolutely. Thank you. Of course this is all very useful.
Because some people do get discouraged when they are mistreated by senior devotees. And sometimes the mistreatment is disproportionate. They deserve much better treatment.
They deserve encouragement. And for some they get encouragement and for some others they get slammed down. So how to deal with that? So if some devotees get mistreated by some seniors then how can they avoid discouragement? It's very sad.
It's a test. So it's a very serious test. And I'd say that it is vital for us as devotees to not have only one connection with Krishna.
We need to have many connections with Krishna. That means we may have one important authority. We have one spiritual master.
But the way Prabhupada has taught us that we have many shikshas. So if we have only one connection with Krishna and somehow something goes wrong with that then our connection with Krishna itself will end. But if we have many connections with Krishna then even if something doesn't if this connection gets disrupted we can connect with Krishna through someone else.
And sometimes we all go through different phases in our life and our authorities also go through different phases in our life. Sometimes the same people who have encouraged us at one time they themselves come down heavily on us. And then it becomes very difficult.
But we need to know that actually that it is not that person who encouraged me. It is Krishna who encouraged me through that person. And somehow or because of some reason now that encouragement is not coming through this person.
So we need to find out from where that encouragement will come. So that's why even in our spiritual relationships if we don't see the Krishna connection if we don't see, ok this devotee is so wonderful, this devotee is in the position of authority this devotee is so kind to me but this devotee is actually manifesting Krishna's kindness, Krishna's love. And what if something has changed and because of that the devotee is not manifesting that.
That doesn't mean that my Krishna connection has to end. So as you said we will find some other devotees who treat us nice. Some other devotees who encourage us.
So we are not ungrateful to those who helped us earlier. At the same time we also need to be we need to be protective of our own body. So if those somehow for some reason those devotees are now some devotees are criticising us too much.
They are discouraging us too much. They are mistreating us. Then we see this as an opportunity for us to recognise that we have no shelter other than Krishna.
You know there are many times to take shelter of Krishna we need shelters in this world. To take shelter of Krishna we need devotees. To take shelter of Krishna we need temples.
To take shelter of Krishna we need various things. But sometimes that which is a means to take shelter of Krishna can become a substitute for Krishna. That means the devotee who is helping us to take shelter of Krishna we take shelter only of that devotee.
And then when that devotee somehow mistreats us then rather than getting rejected we see this is I was making this devotee into substitute for Krishna. That is not true. So I have to give up this shelter and take shelter of Krishna.
And we see this in the example of Draupadi. She had five husbands. All husbands were devotees.
Great devotees. She has pure devotees. But at that time it was her own husband Yudhishthir who gambled.
For a honourable woman to be just treated like to be gambled on the street. Not only he gambled her, he couldn't do anything to protect her. So normally devotees are the way we take shelter of Krishna.
But sometimes if we make devotees into Krishna if we make a devotee into Krishna sometimes Krishna may take away the shelter of that devotee to force us to take shelter of him alone. And that is the meaning of sarva-dharmam parityajya mam ekam shivam That we have to give up not just adharma to take shelter of Krishna we may have to give up dharma also to take shelter of Krishna. Not only the bad things we have to give up not only non-devotee association we have to give up to take shelter of Krishna.
Sometimes some devotee association we also have to give up. Not that we give up devotee association and go to non-devotee association but sometimes some devotees through them Krishna's love will not manifest at all. And then we have to find out that association where we do get that love.
So it is very important because our institution is very hierarchical and our focus has always been, the way we are taught is follow instruction. Now Prabhupada did do that but following instruction also means taking responsibility. Prabhupada got the instruction of spreading Krishna consciousness all over the world.
But then Prabhupada took the responsibility for that. Now from his spiritual master or from his spiritual master's mission he got no facilities. His God brothers did not help him they rather impeded him.
So you know if we if we depend too much oh I just have to depend on others they will instruct me and then I will advance in bhakti. And if they don't instruct me they discourage me, then what can I do? You have to see that my advancement is my responsibility. And I have to do what it takes to advance in my spirituality.
So if I am not getting encouragement from this devotee then I have to associate some other devotees through whom I get encouragement and that's how I move onwards. So when we place the onus of responsibility for our spiritual advancement on us not on anyone else then we won't become so disheartened if somebody who was encouraging us earlier now no longer encourages us. We will find some other source of encouragement and keep moving onwards.
Does this address the issue? And sometimes by our proper attitude and proper reaction we attract that devotee's kindness again. If we don't rebel or object we just you know avoid and take other's strength and then we show our better side and the other devotee finally comes around to appreciate us again. Yes, that's true.
I think it's time. Can we talk more tomorrow? No, how about in private? No, it's ready. Okay, quickly.
So one way that I noticed with myself like say while I'm watching Prabhupada or whatever or different, hear about different stories and sometimes he was like heavy with people and then I get that impression in my mind and then I go and my mind wants to try to you know use that word heaviness. Okay. Anyway, might as well.
Yeah, maybe I'll talk about this tomorrow. It's a big subject of Prabhupada's heaviness. I will talk about this tomorrow.
Yeah, okay. Thank you very much.