Do actions always speak louder than words?

Video:

Hare Krishna. Thank you for coming today afternoon. And today I will speak on this theme of how actions speak louder than words and how sometimes they don't speak louder than words.

See, there are many conventional sayings. Say for example, it is said, many hands lighten the load. You have to carry a big burden.

Many hands lighten the load. But then you can have the opposite saying. Too many cooks, what do they do? Spoil the broth.

So, in one sense, you can have more hands together, it becomes lighter. You can say that, silence is, speech may be silver, but silence is, silence is golden. That's true.

But if you have small children in your house, then silence is not golden. It is just fishy. What is going on? Children are up to some mischief.

That's why they are so silent. So, there are many traditional sayings, and they have their utility. But it is not that, any traditional saying does not have to necessarily reflect the entire reality.

So, similarly, I talk about this theme, that when we are dealing with each other, how our actions speak louder than the words, but they sometimes do and sometimes don't. So, I'll speak on 321 in the Bhagavad Gita. yad yad ācīrati śreṣṭhas tattva-devē tarojanāsayat pramāṇam gurute lokas tad anuvartate So, I'll talk about this in 3 broad parts, about say, when, what do we mean by actions and what do we mean by words, and how words relate with actions.

Then, I'll talk about when actions speak louder than words, and when words speak louder than actions. So, generally, reality is very complicated. Say, if we look at the map of the world.

Now, if we look at Thank you. So, if we look at the map of Australia, we might see very neat divisions. Okay, this is Queensland, this is New South Wales, this is this state, this is this province.

But if we actually go over there, it's not that there's a neat demarcation. And this might be here or it might be there. So, any kind of categorisation that we do.

Categories are basically conceptual tools, which we use for gaining a grasp of reality. The categories are not necessarily intrinsic realities. Some categories may be, some may not be.

Say, so maps are a good example. Maps are vital for functioning. But the borders on the map are not literally borders on the ground.

I just came from America. So, the American president wants to make a literal wall, you know, across Mexico. So, now, that kind of, I had a great China wall.

But it's more of an artefact than a functional limitation. So, why I'm talking about this is, when we talk about actions and we talk about words. See, our theme is, do actions speak louder than words? So, actions and words, are they really that distinct categories? Because at one level, words are also actions.

When we speak, we are doing some actions. Speaking is also an action. And we interact with the world in two broad ways.

The Bhagavad Gita says that, there are the knowledge acquiring senses and there are the working senses. So, say right now, you are looking at me, I am looking at you. So, basically what is happening, you are acquiring knowledge through your eyes and through your ears.

And simultaneously, while I am sitting, with my speech, I am doing some work. Teachers of any kind, when they say, I am going for work, they are not doing any physical work, it's mostly speaking. So, speaking can also be an action.

Literally, for some people, speaking is their work. For those who are, especially in the teaching profession. But also, speech can also be an action in the sense that it initiates action.

This is a special kind of speech which is technically called as a performative utterance. Performative utterance means if a judge says that, let this person be sentenced to jail for three months. Then, the judge's words initiate a set of actions.

Because the judge is in a particular position which gives a particular power. So, the utterance leads to a performance. Just the utterance by the judge.

Now, if we say, let you be sentenced for three months. There will just be an utterance, there will be no performance after that. So, the utterance leads to a performance when the person uttering those words has some position, some power.

So, in that case, the judge's words are also an action. They are action in the sense that they will initiate an action. And, in fact, attorneys, you call them attorneys here or lawyers or what is the word? Advocates.

Different countries have different words. What is it? Lawyers. So, lawyers, their whole, they are doing a lot of work which is speaking to get the judge to do some work, which is also speaking.

So, this neat categorisation that actions and words, when you say actions, speak louder than words. Words are also a form of actions. And, now why are we talking about all this? Because, we often see in the world that often there is a distance between what people talk and what people do.

As they say, walk your talk. So, one of the main reasons why people often turn off, turn away from any kind of maybe spiritual or religious path is because they see people not walking their talk. Somebody acts as if they are very spiritual, but then, when they are supposed to, they talk in a very spiritual way, but when they are supposed to act, then what happens? Their actions are almost completely opposite.

So, in India, one of the biggest, not just in India, in the world, the biggest get together of, the biggest religious gathering occurs once every few years. Which is that gathering? Kumbh Mela. So, Kumbh Mela, literally, it's like millions of people descend at one place.

So, one of my friends had gone to the Kumbh Mela and he saw this priest who was chanting mantras in a very mellifluous, expert way. And then he was lighting a fire. A fire is a means of offering a sacred sacrifice.

And then he finished chanting those mantras and he lit the fire. And then, while sitting on that sacrificial fire itself, he took out a bidi. Bidi is like a crude version of cigarette.

And he took out a cigarette and then he put the cigarette in the sacred fire itself. And he lit it with that. So, with his mouth, he is chanting a lot of sacred words, but his actions are very profane.

So, whenever we see any kind of distance between actions and words, we feel appalled by it. We feel, this doesn't work. If we go to a doctor for treatment, and doctor happens to be very sick, then we start thinking, maybe this doctor may not be the best person for me to take.

Of course, doctors can fall sick. There's nothing objectionable about that. But, if the doctor is sick with the same disease that we are having right now, and the doctor's treatment does not work for them, then we may wonder, should I actually take treatment from this doctor? So, generally speaking, whatever we talk about, we need to see it expressed in actions.

So, especially, it applies in all fields, but in the religious field, often there is a lot of what is called moralising. Do this, don't do this. And those who often tell others, don't do this, they themselves keep doing a lot of things like that.

So, I had just taken, I had been in America for an interfaith conference in Washington, D.C., and there, it was quite a candid get-together where people from different religions, and there was a Christian pastor who was talking about this. He was talking about how that, he was telling, you know, lighter note, he says, we talk about how the love of Jesus can unify the whole world. Yes, God's love is so great, it can unify the whole world.

But, we talk about uniting the whole world. But once there was a person who was walking along a bridge, and he saw somebody on top of the bridge about to jump off into the river. He said, hey, what are you doing? He said, don't die, don't kill yourself.

He says, why? Nobody loves me, nobody cares for me. He says, God loves you. How do you know that? He said, I'm a Christian.

So, this person said, I'm also a Christian. So, which Christian are you, Protestant or Catholic? He said, I'm Protestant. Oh, I'm also Protestant.

Which denomination? He said, I'm a Methodist. Oh, I'm also Methodist. Oh, which part of Methodist? He says, I'm a Southern Methodist.

Oh, I'm also Southern Methodist. Oh, very good. Which Southern Methodist? He says, I'm a Reformed Southern Methodist.

Jump down, you pigeon. Jump down, you pigeon. So, we will talk about unifying the whole world, but sometimes our small differences, they, if we make them, we escalate them to huge differences where there's a lot of intolerance because of that.

Then people become quite averse to it. In fact, one of the, if you consider, it's a certain government formed or something where people put in, if you're asked to put in your religious affiliation. Now, a category that is growing a lot in the Western world is, they call it a nun.

Nun. Not this, not this, nun. So, it's not atheism.

It is, the technique is atheism and agnosticism. What is the difference between the two? Atheist doesn't believe in God, agnostic doesn't admit existence of God. Doesn't admit the existence.

Doesn't like, doesn't believe in higher authority. Little, yeah, you're on the right track. Anyone else? Agnostic is like, they are not convinced one way or another.

Either on the existence or the non-existence. Gnoscious means to know. So, agnostic means to, one who says that it's unknowable.

Whether God exists or not, it's unknowable. So, that is agnostic. These nuns, they are not atheists, they are not agnostics.

They call themselves apatheists. Apatheists is, we don't care. Maybe God exists, God doesn't exist, I don't care about it.

So, why this happens? There can be many reasons, but one major reason is, when people see a lot of difference between how religious peoples, what religious people teach and how they live. So, in that sense, whenever we act in any way, our actions do matter. And they matter much, much more than words.

So, for example, we all may have spiritual practises. We might do our meditation, we might do our worship, we might do whatever practises we are doing, but the world doesn't care what practises we do. The world cares how we live, how we behave.

When Srila Prabhupada was asked, how can we know your followers? He said, they are perfect gentlemen, perfect ladies. Because if you consider our spiritual practises, they are our personal spiritual practises. And those, different people may have different spiritual practises, what do people care about? It's like if you meet someone, you want to see whether they are healthy.

Okay, what medication you took to become healthy, that's okay, it's important, but it's secondary. So, what people want to see is the actions, the behaviour. So, when there's a big distance between actions and words, then that often alienates others.

So, that's why actions speak louder than words. And many people can attract others, if simply they are well-behaved, their actions match with their words. Anyway, they speak a few words that can attract others.

So, in principle, we can say that actions do speak louder than words. And sometimes the actions may speak so loudly that we can't even hear the words. Because we see their actions and that's all that we remember.

But this doesn't mean words are unimportant. So, this applies to any area in our life, any area where we want to, say, improve ourselves. The Bhagavad Gita is at one level words which are spoken.

The words are spoken and these words are what lead to a transformation. In Arjuna, in the Ramayana, when Ram and Lakshman are searching in the forest to find Sita and to find some allies who will help them to find Sita, at that time Hanuman comes over there. And Hanuman starts speaking and he speaks, he addresses them in such a sweet and attractive way that just by hearing his words, Ram tells Lakshman, this person's words are so sweet.

He must be a very learned and wise person. Just hearing the words of this person has pacified my mind. We can assume whenever we meet people, almost everyone is agitated by something or the other.

One of the characteristics of today's age is that upadruta. Everybody is disturbed. So, when we speak, we can try as much as possible to speak to give others peace of mind.

But often we speak to give others a peace of our mind. And then people are agitated and we agitate them further. And then just things become worse.

So, when somebody can speak very sweetly, now sweet speech doesn't necessarily mean flattery. It doesn't mean being manipulative. It just means whatever you're speaking, you speak in a way that is appealing.

So, that itself pacifies the mind. Just as Ram says, Oh, I'm so pleased to hear the way Hanuman is speaking. So, similarly, for each one of us, actually how we speak also matters.

So, I said that actions do speak louder than words, but that doesn't mean words don't matter. Words also matter because as I started, it's not a rigid division. So, how we speak, especially on the path of spiritual life centred on bhakti.

In bhakti yoga, the idea is that we use all our abilities to connect with the divine. So, our speaking is also a part of our abilities. And in that sense, if we say walk your talk, that's true.

But in bhakti, talking is also a part of the walking. When we speak about Krishna, that is also we are expressing. When we talk about spiritual subjects matter, talk about Krishna, at that time we are expressing our words in a way that expresses our devotion.

So, the problem comes when talking is the only walking that we do. Talking is also part of the walking, but if talking is the only walking that we are doing, and not doing anything else, then it becomes a problem. So, now words have, why are words important? See, words have some very mysterious powers.

In what sense mysterious? If you consider at a very basic level, words shape thoughts, words shape emotions, words shape desires. When we hear some commercial, we see some billboard, it's just words over there, words and images. But they shape, shape our thoughts, our emotions, our desires.

So, words can, you can say words shape subtle realities. If there is a physical reality, before the physical reality is a subtle reality. And words shape the subtle reality.

Shape our thoughts, emotions, and intentions, as these grow toward action. Inside us, if we consider, before an action manifests, first a thought comes up. Let me think about it.

And then, it grows into a, some emotional engagement. Hey, that's nice. Good to have that.

That's emotion. And then there is intention. I want this.

So, much of this inner journey, from thinking, to desiring, to intending, that is often stimulated by thought, words. So, words have this power, to affect the inner world around us. And then from that, the outer world manifests.

And that's why, for example, many traditions have, many people have this idea of affirmations. Now speak some affirmations. And when you make the affirmations, then they can, they slowly get ingrained into us.

Now, of course, I was at a conference on spirituality and mental health, in America, in Connecticut. Then we had a session on affirmations. And affirmations also have to be such that, they are believable.

If the affirmations, if affirmations are about truths, that we intuitively know and accept, but tend to forget. Then those affirmations are helpful. So, for example, if we are stressed or distressed about something, then if we read some thought, that suppose, everything that happens may not be good, but it can be for good.

Things happen for a purpose. Everything that happens can be for good. Now this, we may have some sense here, this may be true.

This kind of affirmations help us. So, when the words point us or remind us of a reality that we accept, but we tend to forget. But say, suppose somebody is, somebody like say, four feet tall, and they read an affirmation, I'm seven feet tall.

Well, that kind of affirmation, is not only not helpful, it can also be damaging. So, if the affirmations are about things which are not real, are not real, they are so obviously counterfactual, then those affirmations do not help. In fact, some people have this idea that you just affirm whatever you want.

If you see a big house, say, I own this house. And you think I own this house. And some people say, if you just think strongly enough, you desire strongly enough, then the universe will conspire, and your affirmation will become a reality.

Well, actually, in fact, now, of course, any socio-economic issue has many sides to it. But, I was talking, I was at the same conference, one presenter was making this interesting point that, in 2008, when there was this global meltdown, one cause of it was unrealistic optimism. Because many people, it all started in America with the subprime crisis, where a lot of people bought houses far bigger than what they could afford.

And all this purchase of the houses, the banks said, banks didn't even check whether these people can repay the loans or not. They said, we will repay it. And it seems that this surge in people buying houses which they couldn't afford, corresponded with the sale of a set of self-help books, which are all centred on affirmation.

You just desire, and you will achieve it. You just desire, and you will achieve it. You buy this house, and it will be yours.

Well, it will be yours, but for how long? So, what happens is, words can direct us towards reality. But if the words are patently unreal, then affirming those words doesn't change the reality. So, words are important.

Now, why am I talking about affirmations? This brings us to, in the spiritual path, say, when we chant mantras. Mantra chanting is also an affirmation. So, words are themselves actions.

So, for example, when we chant some mantras, in mantra meditation, we spend a significant amount of time chanting the mantras. But that is also an affirmation. And what is the affirmation over there? When we chant the mantra, Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Ram, Hare Ram, Ram Ram, Hare Hare.

So, at one level are the names of the divine, Krishna, Ram and Hare. At another level, there is a mood in this. The mood is that, this mantra chanting is meant to remind us, it's affirmation, O Paat, return to harmony with the home.

We are all parts of something bigger than ourselves. And the chanting of the names of the divine is meant to remind us of the home. And we chant them, these mantras, in a mood of service and contribution, they remind us, O Paat, return to harmony with the home.

O Whole, please keep this Paat in harmony with you. So, it could be an affirmation to ourselves, or it could be a prayer to the higher reality. It can be seen in both ways.

And when it is chanted in that way, such mantra chanting can have a profound effect in calming our minds. Not just calming our minds, but also cleansing our minds. Now, in our, so this is how words do matter.

Now, another way words matter is, that words, I talk about, I talk this whole mantra chanting, I talk about how words shape our inner world. That's what I give as an example. But words also matter because words often explain our actions to others.

We might be doing what we are doing, but people want to know, what are you doing? When Anjula Prabhupada went to America, at that time, people had no idea of what, who Krishna is, even people didn't have much of an idea of anything eastern, except for some Buddhism and some oneness kind of meditation. So, it is Prabhupada who spoke, by which he explained what he was doing. So, when he was, for many people, when they see the deities, they think these are just decorated dolls.

Why are you worshipping these dolls? So, yes, that's what it might seem, but there's much more in that. And that needs to be explained. Now, we don't see things just with our eyes.

Actually, we see things with the knowledge that we require. There is perception and there is comprehension. And to go from perception, perception means you see something, comprehension means you don't, and make sense of it, understand it.

To go from perception to comprehension requires education. And that education often comes through words. Suppose somebody is a tribal living in some remote place, unconnected with the world, and then they come to a city, and they come to maybe the CBD, they come to the stock market, and there is a giant screen, and everybody is watching that screen.

And then there is a graph over there, and as they are watching, this line just crashes down. And this line on that graph crashes down. And everybody, oh no! Everybody is despairing and panicking.

What happened? Just one line went down on the screen. Now, the line went down on the screen, but it's not just a line going down on the screen, is it? That indicates the prices have gone down, that indicates so many things. But from perception to comprehension requires education.

And that education comes through words. Either somebody speaks and explains, or we read something, which is also words. So, words are needed to make sense of actions.

Why is this person? Why is this person getting so traumatised by seeing this line crashing? So, when we do something, when we are acting in a particular way, if people are not able to make sense of what we are doing, then actions won't speak louder than words. Its actions will only speak loudly that, this is a strange person. It is a strange person doing something strange.

We need words to explain what we are doing. And sometimes words are vital to make sense of the actions. So, words shape our inner worlds.

Words also help the outer world to make sense of our actions. And apart from that, words also play an important role in bridging the gap between what we aspire for and how we live. I'll conclude the talk with this.

There can be four levels in this. That means, what we think, or what we desire, how we aspire for and how we act. There is always a gap between them.

And this gap is just a fact of life. But the gap can be at different levels. At the most extreme level, it can be simply hypocrisy.

The person just makes a show of one thing and then acts in an entirely different way. Sometimes when people give spiritual talks, their talks are not just, especially in India when people do some Bhagwat Katha, along with the spiritual, they bring in all kinds, maybe some medical talk, some social talk, all kinds of things they bring in. So once a Bhagwat Kathakar, a spiritual talk giver, he was talking and he said suddenly, sometimes when people are giving a talk, now some talks are like a, you could say like a jog.

They are purposefully going. And some talks are like straws. Everything is toddling along.

And some talks are like rambles. You don't know where you are going and where you are starting and when you are ending. So when some talks are like that, so this speaker went on a tangent.

And in that tangent, he started launching a tirade on potatoes. Potatoes are so terrible. They cause this problem in the hell.

They cause this problem, this problem, this problem. Potatoes should never be eaten. That was this.

Now, ironically, after that talk, when the food was being served, there was potato vegetable. Sabji was made of potatoes. And they were serving food, then the person who was serving, he thought the speaker spoke so much about potatoes, I can't serve potatoes on the train.

So then he served everybody around him, but he didn't serve that potato. Then he went by, Hey, why are you not serving this to me? Just now you spoke about potatoes. So that is potato for the podium.

This is potato for the plate. So when somebody has no intention also of acting the way they are speaking, then that's hypocrisy. When there's a distance and the only attempt, in this case, of course, there's no attempt even to conceal it.

But all that they do is try to conceal the difference. But that's not the only way. See, sometimes it could be, one could be hypocrisy.

The other could be just deference. Deference means out of respect for someone. So deference and discipline are two slightly related things.

The deference may be more out of culture, where we are very angry with someone, but still we don't speak because we want to maintain some culture or discipline. Or sometimes we want to maintain some culture or etiquette. And discipline is where we don't feel like doing something, but we know it is good for us.

So we do it. Now all of us, we can't see each other's thoughts. And that is a great fortune.

If we started seeing each other's thoughts, desires, emotions, not even one relationship we could sustain. If you think like that about, that kind of desires you have, we would not be able to sustain anything. So nature has given us some inbuilt buffer, where we get certain thoughts, we get certain desires, but some people, they are what is called poker faced.

Whatever they are thinking, you can't sense it from their face. And some people, their faces are not like a poker, they are like a mirror. So whatever is going on, if they are angry, it immediately comes on their face.

So either way, the point is that, sometimes between the way we feel and the way we act, or the way we talk and the way we act, there will be a distance. And that might be because of deference or discipline. And in that case, it's not hypocrisy.

I am feeling very angry, but I will not act on that anger. That could be discipline. And that is desirable.

That is healthy. Because in this way, we can avoid unnecessarily provoking people. So, when, now this, now discipline can be done with a desire to actually control ourselves and to become better human beings.

Or discipline can also be done when, in order to just find a more opportune moment to hit back at others. And it's said that suppose somebody provokes us. And then you start counting till 10.

So you start counting till 10, but when you come to 8, you suddenly hit that person. And they are not expecting it. So in that case, there is no desire to control.

There is a desire to use control as a tool to get things, to manipulate the other person. That's different. But, in general, there can be a difference between the way we speak and the way we act.

We may say that we should not get angry, but still we get angry. That's just a natural human emotion. But that's a part of discipline.

That's a part of a differential culture. And that can also lead to, that can gradually lead to purification and transformation. So when, in our day to day lives, when we interact with each other, at that time, when we talk with people, or when we interact, talk as well as act with people, we need to look at people's actions and we naturally look at people's words as well as actions.

But what is most important is to see what the person's overall life is. Because sometimes, our words may not be in sync with our actions. And sometimes our actions may not, one or two actions may not be in sync with our whole life.

Everybody has weak moments in which they might do something wrong. So when we look at each other, the point of forming relationships with anyone is not so much to see through the other person. You know, you speak like this, but this is how you actually are.

The point is to actually see each other through. Life is a tough journey, and in this tough journey, we all need each other's help. So, if we start using, oh, you spoke like this, but you're acting like this, and we use people's words to judge them for their actions which are not up to the mark, then that can alienate us, create an alienation between us and them.

But if people speak in a particular way, and they're trying to act in that way, but we all struggle, we all sometimes falter, but we again rise and we keep moving onwards. But when there is no intention at all, that, with respect to this point, this difference between actions and words, sometimes words can pacify others. And when we do something wrong, then we speak words of pacification, words of apology, and that helps in rectifying matters.

But then there is weakness, and there is wickedness. What is the difference between weakness and wickedness? You succumb, you can't help it, but wickedness is you intentionally try to do what's wrong with you. Yes, exactly.

Weakness is, we could say, more it's hot-headed. When you get angry, you just speak something. That's weakness.

But whereas weakness is hot-headed, wickedness is cold-blooded. It's where a person systematically plans to hurt the other person. So, we could say inside us, we all have our impulsive side, which prompts us, do this, do this, do this.

And then we have our conscience also. We have our intelligence, we have our conscience, which tells us, don't act in such a way. So, basically, the intelligence and the conscience, they are like our inner compass, which tells us, act in this particular way, don't act in that way.

And sometimes this inner compass goes off track. That means, the impulses rise and they overpower us. But, for a person, when it is weakness, as soon as they come back on track, oh, I shouldn't be doing like this.

They come back on track and then keep going forward. I shouldn't be doing like this. But, whereas, wickedness, what happens is, the intelligence and conscience, they are completely overpowered.

They are as if non-existent. So, anger, when it becomes very solidified and fossilised, it becomes hate. And when a person is angry, it is outburst, but afterwards, they are at least apologetic.

But, when somebody is hateful, then that anger is not only kept there for a long time, but it's also almost like treasured, held on to. And when there is wickedness, then there is, the whole point is not so much to not do wrong, but it is to not get caught while doing wrong. Or to do wrong in such a way that the other person can't hit back.

So, when there is, when there is a distance between the words, between how people are talking and how people are acting, we can give others the benefit of doubt and say, this is because of some weakness. And then we help them to rise above the weakness as much as we can. But, if it is because of wickedness, wickedness means that they are not at all interested in changing themselves.

Their interest is only in getting away with what they are doing. Then, at that time, the weakness should be reciprocated with forgiveness. But, to offer forgiveness to wickedness is foolishness.

If somebody is a, say, if a terrorist has come to attack and the police is there, and the police has a gun pointing to the terrorist, and the police says, I forgive you. The terrorist will take their gun and shoot the police. You know, when there is wickedness, you cannot have forgiveness at that point.

So, at that point, we need to, so, how do we know whether somebody is simply giving in to weakness or its wickedness? It's again by the overall life that they are living. If that person is genuinely apologetic and remorseful and trying to transform, we can overall see that. But, if a person is simply trying to cover up, justify, and continue doing that, and they focus not just on doing it, but on making sure that next time they do it in such a way that nobody catches them.

They conceal it and then they act in a way that is hurtful, that is hypocritical. Then, wickedness, we have to take some action to keep ourselves at least safe from that. So, it's like suppose somebody is caught by a traffic cop because they are speedy.

The traffic cop asks, Did you see the speed limit? I saw the speed limit. I just didn't see you. Now, when that happens, we might say it's funny, but then they are thinking that actually the problem is not speeding, the problem is simply getting caught while we are speeding.

So, this can still be humorous, it's a minor infraction, but in that direction, when somebody goes and doesn't feel that I'm doing anything wrong, the only problem is getting caught while doing wrong. And when that wickedness is there, then we have to be very cautious. At that time, sometimes assertive action is called for, so that we don't let ourselves get deluded.

Overall, when we ourselves are practising spiritual life, we all have some, maybe we have some traces of wickedness, but what we have mostly is weakness. And as we keep connecting ourselves spiritually with the Supreme, with Krishna, we start growing like that. And as we start growing, slowly we start overcoming that weakness.

And generally, the best way to deal with weakness is not to focus on fighting against the weakness. See, our impulses come like waves of desires within us. So, now when a wave comes in, it's almost impossible to stop the wave, to stop being swept away from the wave walls, swept away by the wave.

But if we can have an anchor, and we focus on holding on to the anchor, we fight to hold on to the anchor, then holding on to the anchor will ensure that we don't get swept away by the waves. So, similarly for us, our spiritual practises, our connection with Krishna is the anchor. And there are many ways in which we can practise bhakti yoga and connect with Krishna, but if we find an anchor and hold on to that anchor, then we'll find that we will be able to overcome whatever waves come up within us, waves of impulses, waves of anger, and gradually, the distance between our words and actions will decrease.

And when we are pure, then we become transparent. And our words and actions come in harmony. Because at that time, there is no ulterior motive, there is no vested interest.

There is only the inner and the inner desire to serve, and the outer expression of the desire to serve. And that is when our life will become uncomplicated. Our life will become fulfilling and joyful.

So, I'll summarise. I spoke today on this topic of do actions speak louder than words. And first I started by talking about how actions and words are not necessarily two distinct categories.

Mostly categories are often concepts, like divisions of states, there are no markers on the ground. But similarly, words can also be actions, like teachers when they speak, their work is to speak. Or words can also be performative utterances.

Where based on the position of a person, the words lead to certain actions. Getting people to speak those words which are performative utterances can also be work, like it is for lawyers, to get the judge to speak something. So then, after understanding that this is not so categorically different, then we talk about when actions do speak louder than words.

It is that especially whenever anybody talks about any kind of self-improvement or any kind of better way of living, any kind of spiritual, religious talks, that's when if there is a big distance between what people talk and how people live, then that alienates people. I gave some examples of how I talk about pure practises, but then somebody might be very impure in their living. Somebody might talk about unity and harmony, but then over small divisions, small differences, there can be very alienating, very great antagonism.

So often people are alienated from religion and spirituality because they see a big distance between how people are talking and how people are actually living. So actions do speak louder than words in the sense that when people see that your spiritual practises are making you a better human being, then they feel inspired to also adopt the spiritual practises. People can't see or they don't care what spiritual practises we are following, but they do see how we are living.

Then I talked also about how there are times when words don't necessarily speak louder than actions because words also matter. So I talked about how words matter. First is that words shape our inner world.

Words can shape our emotions, intentions and eventually our actions. Words can also act as affirmations when they remind us of a reality that we accept, but we tend to forget. And then affirmations can be a powerful way of reorienting our actions in harmony with truths that we do know.

So mantra chanting is also like affirmation. It's a prayer as well as affirmation. Then I talked about how words can also explain our actions to others.

We might do our own practises very nicely, but if people don't understand, they will just think we are doing something strange. So what we are doing, we need appropriate words to explain. And at such time when we are explaining our actions, we need to speak in a way to give others peace of mind, not a piece of our mind.

And then when there is actually a difference between what somebody is speaking and how they are acting. So there could be various reasons for that. One could be the person is hypocritical, where they have no intention of harmonising the two, but they are just making a show.

And it could also be because of deference or discipline. Because they want to behave in a particular way, but their emotions don't go along with that. It's in their act.

So deference and discipline can be because of resentment or it can be with the desire for purification and transformation. So the distance between our words and actions, we can look at it, it can be because of weakness, which can be overcome by gradual purification. But if it is because of wickedness, weakness makes us hot-headed, we do something wrong and then we regret, why did I do that? But wickedness makes us cold-blooded, where we do something wrong and then we congratulate ourselves for our cleverness in doing it and getting away with it.

So when there is weakness, there can be forgiveness. When there is wickedness, then there has to be some assertive action, at the very least to protect ourselves. But if we are doing our spiritual practises, then our weaknesses may attack us like waves in the ocean, but our connection with Krishna can be like the anchor.

And with that anchor, we hold on tightly and we resist those waves, waves of impulses and gradually, as we become purified by the connection with Krishna, then we will rise, we will rise in our life by which our words and our actions will come together in synergy. Thank you very much. Hare Krishna.

Any questions or comments? Yes, please. …between our action and we consider that's where our weaknesses lie and we navigate that path to actually advance towards matching our ideal. It's a very fine line because it's a bit like a horse race.

You push too much or you hold back too much. Either way it can be damaging. So our internal self-talk, the more we realise how short we follow the ideal, the more we can become harsh on ourselves.

If we are not critical enough, we can also justify too much. So we either try to advance too fast or too little. That's true.

So it's a very intricate balance because it's different for different people, so it's not like a set of rules. That's true. So how do we navigate that? How do we try to get as close as possible to that ideal balance where we know how much to push and how much to hold back? Yes.

So how do we know how much to… If we push ourselves too much, then we become too harsh with ourselves. But if we don't push ourselves at all to bridge the gap between our ideals and our actions, then we might just stay where we are. Yeah.

You could say there are two broad principles. One is that we need to accept our weaknesses. It takes courage to admit and accept our weaknesses.

But it also takes courage to accept ourselves with our weaknesses. So if we don't accept our weaknesses, then we become egoistic. I'm perfect.

People around me are the cause of the problem. So that's not accepting our weaknesses. But the other extreme is we don't accept ourselves with our weaknesses.

This is how I am and this is where I am at. And that self-acceptance, if it is not there, then it's like somebody who has sickness but they don't admit that they have sickness. Or they think that the sickness is fatal.

Or the sickness is so terrible it can't be cured. So the way to balance ourselves, balance between the two, is that to treat ourselves like someone we care about. See, we all may have different degrees to which we give charity.

But there is one charity we all give very freely. Advice. So, now of course we are not talking about advice here in necessarily like a moralistic way.

But suppose we had a friend whom we cared about and that friend was in the situation we are in. Now how would we deal with that person? At one level, there has to be some change, some transformation. But at another level, for the transformation to go on, encouragement also has to be there.

So, sometimes some people need to be pushed. Sometimes people need to be patted. But it is good enough.

So if we just learn to create the distance within ourselves, that say, I am their soul and I have this body-mind as a resource. So, if we treat ourselves like another person, Krishna says, elevate yourself with yourself, don't degrade yourself with yourself. When we have that idea, then we can ourselves find out, Okay, at this point, I am feeling very depressed, I am feeling very disheartened.

And then what I need is encouragement. Okay, I made this resolution, I couldn't stick to it. But at least I stuck to it for some time.

Instead of thinking I failed in the resolution, I stuck to it for one week, I stuck to it for one month, I stuck to it for so much time. And I am grateful for that. So that's one way of looking at it.

So, if we can observe ourselves from a distance, then we can see when we need encouragement, and when sometimes we need chastisement. Sometimes we might have made a mistake and we might just be taking a very complacent attitude. It's okay, it doesn't matter.

No, it matters. So, if we can have that object that requires, at least to some extent, some amount of the mood of goodness, where we are in a calm, reflective frame of mind, and we can look at ourselves, say, I am sitting here right now, through a thought exercise, I can visualise that I am somewhere up there, or I am in the place of the audience. And how is this person speaking? What is this person doing? So we can, through a thought exercise, look at ourselves from that perspective.

And when we do that, then we can evaluate. And then, by that, we can learn to orient ourselves on the right path. Another thing we could do is, if we have some close friend with whom we can talk.

We may not be able to talk about everything, but if we make a particular resolution, and then we struggle to stick to it. And if we talk with someone, then they can tell us, Oh, okay, this, you know, this, I had a struggle, I couldn't stick to it. Then they might hear us out, and they might tell us, okay, this is something which is understandable.

Situations came up like that. Or they might say, no, this, this is careless on your part. You shouldn't have acted like this.

So that is also, we, all of us, we are very social creatures. And a lot of our behaviour is regulated by the feedback that we get from society. And that is actually very important.

Because otherwise our mind can give us so many options. And we can get lost inside the head itself. So, having some kind of structure in our life, the more the structure we have in our life, the less the rupture the mind can cause in our life.

So, imagine if somebody has nothing to do throughout the day. They wake up in the morning, and they say, today my whole day is free. What happens is, during our free time, our mind works overtime.

So the mind will say, okay, come on, watch this movie. Let's surf on this site. Okay, look at this Facebook.

And sometimes people might spend 12 hours, this whole day they go in the social media itself. Now that's like a rupture which is caused. But why is it caused? Because there is no structure in their life.

What is their structure? Okay, in the morning I am going to do this, afternoon I will do this, then I will do this. And we have some responsibility that we have to do. That also helps us to get out of our head.

So, creating some structure, that means even if I am not able to stick to this particular standards, it doesn't have to be like 1 or 0. Okay, even if I can't stick, I want to be at this level, but if I can't be at this level, this is the level which I will still be at. So even if you become disheartened, we don't just collapse completely. And that's why having some amount of structure in our life is very important.

Nowadays a lot of people suffer from mental health problems. And of course depression and other things are very complicated. But one cause of depression is often that there is no structure in people's lives.

And then what happens, their mind starts taking them on a ride and they just go off with the mind. Just keep going off with the mind. If somebody is feeling depressed, just decide to come out of themselves.

Do something for someone. Get out of here and make it a discipline. Everyday I will do this for this person.

Just start off with that. That's not a sure cure for, if somebody has clinical depression or something like that, then some medication will be required. But in general depression, just get out of your head.

So we don't have to become so obsessed with our ideals that we stop our daily life itself. So if our life itself has a structure, then that structure will also create some framework. It's like say, if somebody is walking on a tightrope, and while they are walking on a tightrope, if they fall, if there is a safety net below, and even if they fall, they will not fall way, way, way down.

So if our life has a structure, and within that structure we are trying to follow some high standards. Say, suppose somebody decides to fast. Say recently we had this, Nirjala Ekadashi.

We tried to fast even without water. Now if somebody decides, I want to fast, but I can't fast. But if they don't fast, if they are still in the community of devotees, their family is spiritually minded, then even if they take some food, they will just take some Ekadashi food.

But somebody might say, I want to fast, Nirjala. I can't fast. They are very new, and their association is not very structured.

And they decide to fast, and they can't fast. And then they go out and drink, and they take meat, and they just crumble down to the bottom of a valley because of that. So we need a structure, which creates a basic framework for our life.

And we can walk on the tightrope. We can try to rise above that structure also. But we shouldn't get so caught with watching, with trying to walk the tightrope, that we don't care for the structure at all.

So we maintain the structure, like the safety net below, and then we can try to have our higher standards above that. Does that answer your question? Okay. Any other questions or comments? I have a question.

Yes, please. Like you said, wickedness and weakness, so take it in a relationship, like the parents or your siblings, so like you know that you are not weak, like I won't call that situation weakness, but out of respect you are not saying something, but then the other person keeps attacking you, and that, like if we don't, if we react, then it will be a matter, that if we stay quiet, so we are not weak, but it is considered weakness, so how do you, like you said to anchor the Krishna channel, but even if we try to do it, like in practicality, it doesn't work, at that time you forget everything, and like don't know what to do, and so what do you say? Yeah. If we are not weak, but if somebody keeps exploiting or dominating us, and then if we don't do anything, they treat us as if we are weak, they take it as weakness, then what do we do? Yeah.

We all need to be clear, about what are small things in our life, and what is a big thing, see that means, that, if something is very important for us, we all have different relationships, and different relationships, are of different levels of importance, importance can be of various, sometimes some person is emotionally very important for us, some person is practically very important for us, whichever way it is, but if at least we have, hierarchy within us clear, this is more important, this is less important, and in life we always have to, we always have to negotiate, that means, say for example now I have this programme, after this programme somebody wants to talk with me, now I may also want to talk with them, but if I have another engagement after this, another programme, then I may decide I can't talk right now, this talking here is also important, but going there also is important, if that is the engagement many people coming up for, then I may say I have to go there, if there is another engagement which can be postponed, and this is a very important meeting, I may decide, this is more important, so I push this off a little bit, so now this is very difficult to decide, on the spur of the moment, sometimes we may have to, but in general we need to have some framework to decide, if we don't have anything to fight for, it's not that we will stop fighting, if we don't have anything to fight for, we will fight for anything, that's how it works, because our mind doesn't have a sense of perspective, so sometimes some people might just, some people are, by their nature itself they are irritable, they are not necessarily bad people, but just the way they talk, it's like researchers say there are 10 million nerves in our body, and some people seem to have done a PhD, about how to irritate every one of those nerves, so now when that happens, if that's just the way they are, and we may occasionally interact with them, and whenever they interact they are like that, we might just decide, it's irritating, but it's okay I can deal with this, that is just the way they are, and trying to change them, or trying to get back at them, it's simply going to be like, wasting our energy, so then, it's something which is uncomfortable, but it is not unbearable, so let me just live with it, but sometimes it may happen that, they treat us like that, and what happens, if everybody starts treating us like that, this person does it like that, and others also start doing like that, then what is happening is, a particular perception of ours is formed, that you can just walk over this person, then we might decide, that there are areas which are important for us, and there we need to take a stand, so it's not so much, whether people perceive me as weak or not, if we start worrying about that, sometimes what happens when there is negotiation, then sometimes some people, it's not really important, but if I take a step back now, then everybody will think that I was defeated, and they refuse to step back, not because the thing is important, but just because of the perceptions, so we shouldn't be so perception driven, we need to be purpose driven, so purpose driven means, if we ask them to understand, this is important for me, and in this particular role, in this particular responsibility, in this particular area, I can't step back, because this is vital for me, then even if we have to alienate someone for that, even if we have to sometimes, get into a conflict for that, we can get into that, but that should be based on our purposes, our hierarchy of what is important, were you there for that, I had done a seminar last time on burn anger, before anger burns you, so then I think I gave that example of a car, of a train, if you are driving in a train, if you are travelling in a train, and somebody comes along, and it's a crowded train, and that person starts pushing us, you think you are a bully, I'll push you back, and we push them back, and they push us, and we push them back, and we get so caught in pushing each other, that our station comes and goes, and we are still pushing, that would be childish, you want to show off your strength, this is a 30 minute journey, I'll just stand somewhere else, the small thing keep it small, but if somebody is not just pushing us, but they are pushing us out of the train itself, then it's not a small thing, then it's a big thing, because it's coming in the way of our getting to our destination, then we have to take a stand, so I think if we are clear about our purpose, what is the big thing for us, then we will know when to take a stand, and when to let things pass.