Don’t let your expectations of life come in the way of life
I am grateful to be here amongst all of you today. And I will speak today on Bhagavad Gita 5.20 on the topic of don't let your expectations of life come in the way of life.
This 5.20 in the Gita is Don't become delighted when you get something pleasant. Do not become dejected when you get something unpleasant. Keep your intelligence steady.
Do not become deluded. You situate like this when you are situated in spiritual knowledge. You know spiritual reality, and not only do you know spiritual reality, you are situated in spiritual reality.
Brahmavit means to know. And brahmanisttah is to be actually situated in. So Krishna is saying that if you accept life as it comes, without getting too excited either positively or too agitated negatively, you will become spiritually situated.
So I will start with the example. Suppose say you have decided to build a house. And you got assigned, you have hired a contractor who is going to build the house.
And the reality of the house is in front of you. Okay, this is the land. This is how things are to be built.
You have to build a foundation. And then you are working with the middleman. The contractor is like the middleman.
Then you pay the middleman. And then you, the middleman does the whole work. The contractor is not exactly a middleman.
The contractor is the person who is meant to execute what you are going to do, what you want to do. But suppose that contractor just asks you for money, but doesn't allow you ever to go to see that land only. He says, I am building, but don't go there.
Later when everything is done, I will show you. So it happens once, if it happens twice, and the contractor keeps asking for money, more money, more money. And our attention, our emotion gets caught in dealing with the contractor.
And actually, nothing is happening on the territory. Then we would say, this kind of contractor is useless. Actually, the purpose of having the contractor is so that the house can be built.
But if the contractor is coming in the way of building the house, then get rid of the contractor. Suppose you had planned to build a house in a particular way, the contractor also agreed to build in a particular way. But then, say sometimes topography changes, the government laws changes, or some other things happen because of which the way you can construct the house is changed.
And then you are telling, okay, this has happened now, floods come here, earthquakes come here, so we will have to change the design. The contractor says, no, no, you can't change the design, you have to keep it like this. No, but this problem will come, that problem will come.
And just all the energy is going in not dealing with the reality, not changing anything in the reality, just debating, it should be like this, it should be like this. So yes, that sort of discussion will be required. But ultimately, things have to be translated into actual action.
The house has to be built. So similarly, the building of the house is like life. And the contractor in between is the expectation.
Our expectations, anything, any activity that we go into, we go in with some expectations. We are human beings and we cannot not have expectations. So expectation means if we go to meet a friend, we expect to be greeted politely, we expect them to offer some basic hospitality, we expect to have a heart to heart talk.
Whatever we do in life, it is implicit that we will have some expectations. So to be conscious means to have emotions and to have expectations. So we cannot not have expectations.
But at the same time, our expectations are meant to help us deal with reality in a particular way, in a proper way. So if we are going to meet a friend, and we have an expectation to have a nice cordial heart to heart discussion, then we may plan, I can talk this, I can talk that, and probably they say this, I will say this. But if you find that the friend is in a big crisis, say, if the friend says they have an accident and some family member has got an accident and everybody is rushing to the hospital.
And then now, say, come, you know, I have come to meet you after a long time, let us have a heart to heart talk. He says, no heart to heart talk, I am running around right now. No, come on, we should have a heart to heart talk.
No, we cannot have that. So expectations do prepare us for reality, to deal with reality in a more effective way. But sometimes the reality turns out to be very different.
Now, in this case, when we see that the friend has got some accident and their family, we ourselves will recalibrate our expectation. I cannot expect a heart to heart talk. Now that I am here, let me see how I can help.
Maybe I can take care of some children, I can do some things. So although we may come to a particular plan, which we have a particular expectation, but we do recalibration of the expectation on seeing the reality. So we cannot not have expectations, but we also have the capacity to adjust, to change based on the reality.
And we may have had great plans of great expectations, great dreams of how we will meet and we will do so many things, but okay, that is not working out, let us deal with reality as it is. Whereas normally, we would never insist in a particular situation, let us continue our heart to heart talk. But suppose somebody starts behaving very unreasonably with us, very rudely, very perfunctorily, very arrogantly and we do not know why they are doing like that, then that will annoy us, that will frustrate us.
So we are here, the reality is here and expectation is here. The expectation is meant to help us to deal with the reality, to manage or respond or prepare for the reality more effectively. So if the three are in harmony, then things move nicely.
So if you come for a class and you expect it to be a very educational systematic class, then you may come with notes. And then you find, oh, there is no class today, we will only have kirtan festival. Okay, then we will put our books aside and we will just dance and sing and participate in kirtan.
So we have the capacity that if the reality changes, then we recalibrate, we put aside our expectations and deal with reality as it is. So in these two situations, it is simple enough to understand. But sometimes life changes things in such a drastic way that all our plans get disrupted.
We may come to a particular place, many of you are Indians, you came to New Zealand for a job, for studies, for building a family, for becoming financially secure, whatever reasons may be there. But then suppose you find that life here is very different, very difficult, we may have come with a particular conception of how life is going to be, particular expectation of how life is going to be, and the reality turns out to be different, then the greater the gap between the expectation and the reality, the greater is our agitation. The greater the gap between expectation and reality, the greater is our agitation.
And we have to learn to deal with this agitation. Say we decide to study for a particular subject to get a degree. And we have studied the subject earlier and we find, okay, this nice subject is interesting, I like to study it.
But then when we now start studying it, we find it's a different way of teaching, different kind of syllabus is there, different kind of subjects are there. I didn't sign in for this, I didn't expect this. So then what do we do at that time? This can happen with respect to studies, it can happen with respect to job, it can happen with respect to marriage, it can happen with respect to children, it can happen with respect to our practise of bhakti.
Sometimes we come to a spiritual moment expecting that we will be peaceful, we will be joyful, everything will be nice in the devotee community. And sometimes there also there will be disruptions. So then when this happens, we have an expectation, there is a reality.
And if you see, this is what happened to Arjuna right in the beginning. He had come to fight a war, but he didn't, at that time, realise that it didn't sink into him. I'm going to have to kill my relatives.
I'm going to have to fight against my venerable elders. How can I do that? He says, everywhere I see in auspiciousness, my mind doesn't stay still. By killing my loved ones, my own people, how can there be any happiness in my life? So normally, we never expect to fight, physically fight, want to speak of martially fight, with our own relatives.
But that was the reality he was in. And although at one level he knew the reality, although Arjuna, he had fought against all the Kauravas who were there, on the opposite side, he had fought with them in the battle at Virat. So why was it that Arjuna didn't he suddenly became so overwhelmed? Because that was not a fight to death.
That was just he wanted to teach them a lesson, and he didn't intend to kill anyone. This was a fight to death. So the reality sank into him.
To fight against them, they will all die. So the reality was, he just wanted his kingdom. He didn't want to kill people for that.
But that was the expectation was that, okay, I just want my kingdom. But the reality is, you have to fight. So he just couldn't accept it at that time.
And the frustration caused him so much agitation, that he just, that he started crying, taṃ tathā kṛpayāviṣṭhaṃ aśrūpūrṇā kulekṣaṇam and he cried right in the middle of the battlefield. So the expectations, sometimes, they just so strongly catch our consciousness. Now this is, I didn't sign in for this.
I didn't expect this. I didn't want this. Why is this happening? Now we had a particular plan, we had a particular dream, we had a particular vision, and the reality is completely different.
So basically then, where are the expectations situated? They are situated in the mind. So the soul, the mind and the body. The soul is the source of consciousness.
The mind is the root through which consciousness comes out. And then the body, the physical reality is where we live, where we function practically, physical level. So normally these three have to be in a straight channel.
Say I'm looking at you right now, so I can't see you just because I'm looking at you. My mind, if in my mind I'm thinking about India, I'm thinking about something else, I won't see you. So basically these three, the soul, the mind and the outer world, the body and the outer world have to be in one line for us to function effectively.
But when the reality which exists at the physical level, the expectation which is in the mind, they are different. But the greater the difference in the soul's consciousness, should I go here or should I go here? Should I deal with the expectation? This is what I wanted it to be. But this is how it is.
So imagine if you are driving a car. Now a car is a straightforward vehicle where we have a front view mirror from which we can see outside. We have an aeroplane and the aeroplane has a front view window also from which you can see ahead.
So whichever vehicle it is, so if that window starts showing us something which is not the reality, I see there is a straight road over here. But actually that window has got distorted and there is no straight road, there are many vehicles right ahead of you. We will not be able to function.
So for us, when the mind's expectations and the actual physical reality, when they are in disharmony, the greater the distance, the greater the soul is unable to negotiate. Should I deal with this or deal with this? And because the mind is closer to us, the mind often has a greater influence on us than the physical reality. If we have to do something practically with respect to the physical reality, we do it.
Say we got married or something, we developed a relationship. Now we expected that person to be in a particular way, but that person turns out to be entirely different. Then if we are doing something practical, we go to office, we do a job, we take care of our children, we are doing something which involves interacting with the physical reality.
At that time, because we are interacting with the physical reality, we do not pay so much attention. Okay, let me do this, do this, do this. But when there is nothing which is forcing us to pay attention to the physical reality, at that time, the mind is there.
This is not meant to be like this. Why is it like this? Why is it like this? And the mind eats us up. All our energy goes in dealing with the frustrated expectations.
And we have practically no energy left to deal with the actual reality. So, one example of how this can lead to tragic consequences is, suppose somebody has learned boating, they took a boat, and they are rowing the boat, practise for a long time. And say they are going to exhibit how I am rowing the boat to many friends who have assembled.
And they get into the boat, and they are rowing the boat. And as they are rowing the boat, suddenly, a huge wave hits the boat. And the boat is so forceful that they are knocked out of the boat.
The oars are knocked out of their hands. And now they are in the water. They have a whole plan.
Oh, you know, I'm going to row so elegantly, and I'm going to show everyone how nicely I row, how nicely I manage this boat. Now, if they are in the boat, then moving your hands to row the boat is good. But now they are in the water, there is no boat, and there are no oars.
And still they are moving their hands. That is, they are only going to drown by that. So, sometimes, life changes our reality so much that we had a particular plan, and we become like, why is it like this? I wanted it to be like this.
This is how it should be. Okay, but this is how it is. So now, we have to just swim and get out of the water.
So, yes, it's very frustrating if somebody had planned to exhibit their boating skills. But we have to deal with reality as it is. And to the extent we are attached to our expectations, to that extent, we live in denial of the reality.
We just can't accept the reality. And to that extent, we make ourselves powerless. This is an important point because this will lead to actually the empowerment of Krishna consciousness.
The point is that actually, whenever things go wrong, we feel powerless, we feel frustrated, we feel powerless, and stop, what is what I have designed, this is not what I wanted. So, we feel powerless. But the extent of powerlessness is to the extent of our attachment to the expectations.
If we are not attached to our expectations, we will not feel that powerless. Certainly, if a person is now in the ocean, they don't have the same power of rowing and going smoothly in a boat. But still, they have power, they can swim, they can save their life, they can go to the coast.
They have that much power. But to the extent they are just catching, why? I wanted to boat. To the extent they are attached to their expectations, to that extent, they will be simply trying to row in the water without the boat, and they will drown.
So, our life can definitely put us in situations which are extremely frustrating, which are extreme, which may limit our options substantially. But still, the magnitude of our powerlessness is determined by the magnitude of our attachment to our expectations. So, the more we are attached to the expectations, the more our energy goes, why is it not like this? And how it is, we have no energy left to deal with that.
So, at that time, we just have to recalibrate. Now, this is the reality as it is. And this is what I have to deal with.
So, to the extent we can develop this capacity to recalibrate, this we can call as the psychological flexibility. Attachment is ultimately situated in the mind. It is situated in the consciousness, not just in the consciousness.
Consciousness is like the energy of the soul which comes in, and it comes through the mind to the body. So, to the extent we are attached, to that extent, we become psychologically rigid. This is how it should be.
And psychological rigidity makes us, makes it impossible for us to deal with reality. But psychological flexibility means, okay, this is not how it is, this is how it is. Let me see how I can deal with it.
Now, this does not mean that we approve that other way things have happened. It is not that we have to say that, okay, we passively accept. It is not that we accept or approve or surrender.
Surrender in the sense of we give up. It is not that we accept, approve or abandon. We may still have a plan.
We may want to execute that plan. But right now, things have changed. So, right now, I have to deal with the reality as it is.
So, when things go wrong, at that time, to the extent we can distance ourselves from our expectation, okay. So, the expectation, I started with the example of the middleman. So, the expectation is like the middleman.
I am giving all the money to the middleman, and the middleman is taking all the money, but nothing is being built on the house. There is no construction happening over there. So, similarly, we are dealing with our expectations, and there is no improvement happening on the ground reality.
The situation is what it is. And I have to deal with that situation. Now, how do we develop the psychological flexibility? That means, okay, I had this expectation, but now this is the reality.
So, let me recalibrate and focus on the reality. Put aside the expectation. But this requires this strength of intention.
There is expectation and there is intention. Expectation is what will happen. Intention is what I am going to do.
What I am going to do. So, now, intention can be at multiple levels. We could have a deeper level of intention is a sense of purpose.
So, months I had gone for a, when I was in India, in Pune, I was invited to an interfaith programme. And in that interfaith programme, they were talking on, it was organised by some Christians, and the programme was about religion and AIDS, about what can religion offer to help AIDS victims. So, then I had prepared a sophisticated PowerPoint presentation with many statistics and codes.
And then when I went there, I found that all the attendants were Marathi speaking. Then the name of attendants was, you know, Pastor, Pastor John, Pastor Paul, Pastor Harris, Pastor so and so. Then when I talk with them, so I say, I asked them, where are all the attendants? So, I said, all these Maharashtrian people are Pastor John and Pastor Harris and Pastor Paul.
So, what had happened was, this organisation, they had a policy that they would go to villages, and they would convert people. And if one person becomes converted, and that person converts around 10 people, that's a thumb number 10 or 15 or 20, then whatever, and they would fund from internationally and build a church for him and make him the pastor of the church. So, like that, all people who couldn't even speak English, they were pastors.
And then I had to speak, I had prepared a whole class in English. And I realised these people, and then I went to hire such people, they don't hire, they're organising a seminar on AIDS and religion. So, then I realised it was simply like a cosmic PR exercise for them, just to look good, we also have social concerns.
So, then I completely changed my presentation. I just spoke at a very practical level, to deal with practical issues. And then we had a very quite a good discussion, interaction.
And I was quoting the Bhagavad Gita verses, many of them are completing the Gita verses, because they had been brought up in Indian families, Hindu families. So, they had never heard the Bhagavad Gita presented very systematically. But the point is that I had gone with a particular expectation of expecting a particular crowd.
And the reality was completely different. It's just sometimes we have to adjust the content a little bit. But here I had to adjust the content, I had to adjust the language, I had to adjust the style also.
So, it was completely a very different thing I had to do. So, then actually my purpose was to share Krishna's message. My purpose was to share Krishna's message over there.
And because the purpose was to share Krishna's message, okay, the people here are different. The way they understand is different. So, let me speak accordingly.
So, basically, if our purpose or to use the word intention, similar, if our intention is bigger than the situation, if our intention is bigger than the situation, then we can move forwards in that situation also. If my life's dream is to do this boating, and I just started, I just don't know what I'll do at that time, to exhibit my boating skills. But if my life's purpose is, okay, I want to develop various skill sets, I wanted to do this, I want to develop physical fitness, I want to maybe do certain things.
And this was a part of my plan. Okay, this plan has not worked out right now. But still, I did some exercise, I did some training, I learned a new skill, I developed some muscles, I exercised.
So, let me do what I can now. So, to the extent, the intention or the purpose of our life is small, to the extent it is caught in that particular situation, to that extent, distancing ourselves from the expectation will become very difficult. To the extent, we have a bigger purpose to our life.
To that extent, even if that situation is very, very frustrating, very much totally different from our expectation, we will find, okay, how can I move forward? What can I do in this situation? How can I serve in this situation? So, that big vision of life, that big purpose to our life, that is what the Bhagavad Gita tells us. Bhagavad Gita tells us that we are souls who are parts of Krishna. And as souls, we are eternal beings.
And we are eternal, Krishna is eternal, and our relationship with Krishna is eternal. Now, of course, during our journey through this life, we have various plans, we have various expectations, we have various dreams. At the same time, our destiny is bigger than these plans, these expectations, these dreams.
We may have dreamt, oh, I'll become wealthy, I'll have a very good job, I'll have financial security, I'll have a very happy family life, I'll have good children, good, healthy, happy children. We may have all these expectations, and sometimes life may just thwart those expectations. So, at that time, if our whole dream of a life's purpose is only this, then this is not working out.
What am I living for? What am I doing in my life? But if I understand that actually, my destiny is bigger. I'm a soul, I'm a servant of Krishna, and as a servant of Krishna, I have various roles and responsibilities in this life. But through them all, I'm meant to grow in my devotion to Krishna.
And through them all, I am meant to become more and more attached to Krishna, more and more sheltered in Krishna. And while I'm going in this life journey, I'm meant to serve Krishna. So, my roles, my responsibilities, and whatever dreams and expectations I had set along with those roles and responsibilities, they're all meant for the purpose of service to Krishna.
So, okay, this is not working out right now. I had planned it in a particular way, but this was not working out. So, what do I do? Okay, how can I serve Krishna in this situation? This is what has happened.
This is how I wanted things to be. This is what I dreamt. But this is how it is.
So, how can I serve Krishna in this situation? If we have that service attitude, bhakti is not just about chanting Hare Krishna or coming in satsang. Bhakti essentially means redefining ourselves, redefining ourselves as servants of Krishna. So, to the extent I identify myself as a servant of Krishna, to that extent, okay, in this situation, how can I serve Krishna? This is what I wanted.
This is what has happened. In this situation, how can I serve Krishna? This question is actually empowering. Because as long as we have the idea that we are the controllers or we are the enjoyers, then without our expectations working out to be true, we can't control, we can't enjoy.
But if we understand I'm a servant, then okay, I had planned to serve in this way, but this way is not working out, then I can serve this way. So, if we understand that I'm a servant of Krishna, then that empowers us to deal with reality as it is. We cannot give up expectations.
Expectations are a part of just being human. But we can choose not to be attached to the expectations. And we can choose that by being attached to something bigger than our expectations.
What is that something bigger than our expectations? That is our relationship with Krishna. That is our eternal devotion to Krishna. So, if that is what I'm primarily attached to, then in every situation that I face, I can still find out how I can serve Krishna.
And that way, with that attitude of service, I can deal with reality as it is. And once we can put aside the mind's expectations, you know, this should not be like this, this is terrible, this is horrible, this is nightmarish, this is not how it should be. Yeah, okay, but as long as, as soon as we can just put aside that mind is ranting, mind is complaining, then we find that we still have the ability to deal with reality.
Yes, the reality may be bad, but it is not as bad as the mind. The mind makes it feel as if everything is lost now. Your life is destroyed.
Well, life is not destroyed. Life still goes on and I may have to substantially recalibrate my approach to life. But yes, we can deal with life.
Suppose, yes, I'm trying to talk with someone on phone. And right next to us, someone is speaking very loudly. Suppose we're talking with someone on phone, and that person also giving us some bad news.
Now, that person giving us bad news is difficult to deal with. But when, you know, accident has happened. Now, what happened? Did somebody die? Who died? Or they're wounded? What has happened? Our mind starts going into so much imagination.
So much imagination. And on top of that, if somebody is speaking very loudly nearby, so we can't even hear clearly what is being spoken. Then, if we just move aside, somehow get that person to go away, or we ourselves move away, then at least you can hear, okay, what has happened? They were hospitalised.
Which hospital? Okay, I'll come there. But if you're not even able to hear clearly, then our mind just goes more and more panicky, feels more and more helpless, get more and more frustrated. So, similarly for us, this person who is speaking loudly, so the bad news coming from the phone is like the thing that has gone wrong.
But this other person interfering and speaking very loudly is like the mind's frustrated expectation. So, what we need to do is just put it aside. Okay, put this aside and deal with the reality as it is.
So, that comes by our practise of bhakti. Actually, we are meant to increase our attachment to Krishna. So, every day when we study the scriptures, chant the holy names, worship the deities, whenever we do all these things, they are all meant to increase our attachment to Krishna.
Krishna says, all this is a part of sadhana bhakti, the practise of bhakti, abhyasa yoga. And by this, your desire for me will increase by this. So, when our desire for him increases, our attachment to him is increasing, our connection with him is strengthening, our intention to serve him is becoming firmer.
And to the extent we have developed an attachment to Krishna, to that extent, whatever life sends our way, we can deal with it. It's not that life will always be good. The nature of this world is that bad things will happen in life.
But to the extent we are practising bhakti, our capacity to deal with those bad things becomes stronger. I'll conclude with one last point, and then we can have question answers. So, that we may have to live with pain, but we don't have to live in pain.
We may have to live with pain. With pain means, pain is a fact of our life, it's a companion. But live in pain means, it completely consumes our consciousness.
So, example for this, say somebody's got back pain. Now, back pain is annoying, sometimes frustrating, sometimes just anytime their back pain starts. And immediately then you have to minimise your activities, become more cautious, plants get thwarted.
Now, back pain is unpleasant. At the same time, the high level of back pain may not be always there. It comes sometimes, stays for some time, it goes.
So, somebody who has got back pain, they have to live with pain. Pain is their companion. But if they're constantly thinking about it, oh, why do I have this back pain? Even when they don't have the back pain, either they are resenting the last time they had the back pain, or they're dreading when the back pain is going to come again.
And then they're not living with pain, they're living in pain. So, the frustration of our expectation is going to hurt us. We can't wish it away.
We had made plans, we had put in energy, we had strived very hard for it, but things have not worked out. Yes, it's going to hurt us. But that will be a pain and we may have to live with that pain.
You know, I had made such a big plan, but it didn't work out. But we want, if we are connected with Krishna, if our focus is to serve Krishna, then the pain will be one component in our consciousness. Oh, this went wrong.
I've heard about this. It will be one component in our consciousness. But if we are too attached to our expectation, then we will not be able to face reality as it is.
And then, the pain will not be a component in our consciousness, it will become the container of our consciousness. It will pervade our consciousness. And nothing we will be able to deal with.
Nothing, nothing we will be able to deal with at all. All of us, we will face unfairness in life. One of the advantages, or you could say disadvantages, whichever you want to say is that, of being a travelling spiritual teacher is that, you get the realisation that whichever part of the world we go, people are in distress.
Because everybody comes and shares their problems. Initially we talk, initially everybody seems happy. I was in America, I was talking with a devotee who is a marriage counsellor.
And he was telling, there are two kinds of couples. Those who quarrel with each other, and those whom you don't know well. So he said, there are conflicts everywhere.
So some people who have a distance, we think they are very happy. Everything is so nice. But everybody will have to, when two people come together, there are going to be differences.
But some people learn to deal with them, some people just can't deal with them. But we have this utopian idea, you know, my life is frustrated. And my life has terrible things have happened.
Everybody is so happy. So then, when we think everybody else's life is going according to their expectations, and my life is frustrated, then it becomes much more difficult to deal with it. But whichever part of the world we go, everybody has big, big, big problems.
So, to the extent, we understand that, yes, problems are a part of life. But problems don't have to become my whole life. My life is bigger than these problems.
Why? Because I am a part of someone far bigger than the biggest problem. I'm a part of Krishna, and my relationship with Krishna, Krishna's presence in my heart, Krishna's plan for my life, that is much bigger than this frustrating situation. And to the extent we understand, we connect with Krishna, to the extent we understand that Krishna has a bigger plan for us.
How this particular frustrating situation fits in that plan, we don't know, no one knows that. We don't know that. But Krishna has a bigger plan.
For Prabhupada, so many times things became frustrating, frustrated. Right from the start of his spiritual life, things just kept going wrong. He wanted to build a business so that he would support his spiritual master's mission.
But somehow his business never took off. He tried to write magazines to share Krishna's message. But people were not interested in the magazine.
One after another, after another, he decided to start a league of devotees and people were supporting him. But those same people turned against him. And practically, he had to leave the place which was going to be his headquarters.
He went to America and on the way his body let him down and he got a heart attack. Finally, after great struggle in America, he had one boy, one young man who seemed very interested, very serious. And he, it seemed as if he said, Swamiji, I want to become a devotee.
And he said, I want to become your disciple. And Prabhupada actually wrote to his god brothers, saying that, you know, soon I think he will become the first western devotee of Krishna. And then, that same person, he used to take drugs earlier and he had given up drugs, but he relapsed.
And one day he took some heavy dose of drugs, he went mad and he came to attack Prabhupada. And Prabhupada was an old man, alone in America. He had come to help these people and that same person came to attack him.
Prabhupada had to flee. It was not that Krishna came miraculously and protected him. Prabhupada had to flee at that time.
So, Prabhupada could have said, why am I here? What am I doing here? These people are so ungrateful. I am giving my life to help them and they are trying to attack me, they are trying to take my life. But, Prabhupada pursued this purpose.
He called some other devotees, called some other people and they said, how did they ask Prabhupada to come to their place? And then they said, we can't, Swami, we can't stay here. And then they arranged another place for Prabhupada. And the other place that they arranged for Prabhupada, that was a place which was much, where there were lot of other hippies, who were, who had already gone to India and had enquired about spirituality.
And then they came and they became his serious followers. So, the frustration of the expectation happened. And Prabhupada, what did he do? He continued serving Krishna.
So, for us, if we understand this principle, that we are meant to serve Krishna and our expectations are also meant to help us in our service to Krishna. So, if our expectations come in the way of our service to Krishna, then we put them aside. Then, that expectation has been frustrated and hurt us.
But, life goes on. Krishna still resides in the Supreme. We are still his servants and we still have opportunities to serve him.
So, then, as we focus on that service, we will move forward. It is said in the Bhagavad Gita that if you become conscious of me, you will pass over all obstacles by my grace. Krishna doesn't say that obstacles will not come.
They will be there. He doesn't say they will disappear also. They will be there, but you will pass over them.
You will be able to rise above them at the same point. We may have to live with pain, but we don't have to live in pain. We understand that our consciousness is bigger, our purpose is bigger and we go through that situation.
Ultimately, we find that whatever bad things happen, Krishna will bring some good out of it. And even if we don't find out what is the good, by being Krishna conscious, at least that bad situation is there, our capacity to deal with it will become better. By becoming conscious of Krishna, whatever life sends our way, whatever frustration of our expectations happens, we will be able to deal with it and we will be able to move forward positively.
By Krishna's grace, we will pass over all obstacles. And that's why, while practising bhakti, we strive as much as possible to connect with Krishna, to invest our consciousness in Krishna, to become attached to Krishna. And that attachment will protect us from excessive attachment to other things, from excessive attachment to our expectations and the frustration that may come from that attachment.
So I'll summarise. I spoke today about don't let your expectations come in the way of your life. So I started by talking about a middleman who is helping us, a contractor who is meant to help us construct the house.
But we're paying the money, but the surface has changed and new plans have to be made. But the contractor is attached to the old plans and nothing is moving forward. We're paying money, we're giving time, investing emotion, but nothing is happening in terms of the house getting constructed.
We just put aside the contractor and then deal with the ground as it is. That contractor is like expectations. So our expectations prepare us to deal with life.
So we're going to a friend, we're prepared to have a heart to heart discussion. But if the friend has an accident in the family, we recalibrate. How can I contribute here? So we have the capacity to put our expectations aside and deal with the reality.
We all have done it at different times. But sometimes we become too attached to the expectation. And then our energy goes in simply dealing with that expectation and there is no energy left to deal with the reality as it is.
So we need to avoid attachment to expectations. Otherwise, we will become like the person who is acting as if they're rowing the boat, when there are no oars and there is no boat. They have to deal with reality as it is.
So for this, for us to deal with these frustrating situations, what is required is that we should have a purpose bigger than the situation. If our intention, if our dream, our expectations are all centred on that situation alone, then its frustration will be unbearable. But Bhagavad Gita gives us that bigger vision, that we are souls and we have an eternal relationship with Krishna.
Our eternal function is to serve Krishna. So through whatever situation we are in, we are meant to serve Krishna. Our roles, responsibilities, expectations associated with them, they're all meant to help us serve Krishna better.
And if that purpose is strong to serve Krishna, then okay, the expectation was, I'll serve Krishna like this. But when it is not the way, okay, how can I serve Krishna now in this situation? To the extent we don't identify ourselves as servants of Krishna, we identify ourselves as controllers and enjoyers. To that extent, we get frustrated because our controlling and enjoying depends on that expectation.
But our serving can go on with whatever reality we are in. So we may plan to give a particular kind of class, but if the audience is different, we may prepare that class very well. But now, I have to give what connects with the audience.
So for us, the purpose of practising bhakti is meant to help us become attached to Krishna, become attached to our service to Krishna. So to become detached from expectations, we need to be attached to something bigger than our expectations. And that is Krishna, service to Krishna and Krishna's plan for us.
So when we focus on Krishna and becoming conscious of Krishna, then we may still have to live with pain. We can't just wish away the frustrated expectations. But we may have to live with pain, but we won't have to live in pain.
The soul is here, the mind is here, and the world is here. So that the mind's expectation has been frustrated, that will hurt us. But we will be able to put it aside and focus on the reality as it is.
Like if you are getting bad news from someone, and if somebody is interfering, speaking something noisily, at least put that person aside and say, I know what the bad news is, then I can deal with it. And I can deal with how? So Prabhupada had such frustration of expectations. The person who was going to become a disciple tried to attack him.
And so Prabhupada persevered, because he was attached to serving Krishna. So that attachment to serving Krishna, that consciousness of Krishna will help us to overcome whatever frustrations life sends our way. And eventually it will be revealed how Krishna had a bigger plan for us, by which even the bad leads to something good.
Thank you very much. Hare Krishna. Are there any questions or comments? You are saying that everyone, Krishna has planned for each of us.
And in that case, how do we know that the service that we do is in line with that plan? Okay. So if we say Krishna has a plan for everyone, how do we know that the service we are doing is in line with Krishna's plan? See, we shouldn't think of Krishna's plan too simplistically. It's not that Krishna's plan means there's one straight road, to the extent we go on that road, to that extent we are on Krishna's plan.
No. Krishna has given us free will. And that free will means that there is a reciprocation.
So rather than thinking of Krishna's plan simply as like one line, it is one direction. So we are meant to go in the direction of going closer to Krishna. How exactly we go, that will vary from person to person.
We are meant primarily to serve Krishna. Is it that only when we do one service, we are right, another service it's wrong? See, we don't have to necessarily approach Krishna Bhakti with digital logic. It is more of analogue logic.
It's not that this is Krishna's service and this is Maya. Krishna's service can be done in various different ways. And gradually we find out how we can best serve Krishna.
So right now, I think this is the best service for me. But then later I realise this is not a good service. This is a good service.
This is a better service for me. So that evolves. Life never comes with the guarantee of right decisions.
What we can do is we try to have the right intentions and we try to make the right, take the right action, do the right deliberation so that we take the right action. So I will give a simple example to illustrate this. Say suppose from here, you want to drive to some city, which is a close by city here.
Okay, this is not Wellington. Okay, you want to go to Wellington say from here. And then you turn on Google Maps.
This is a longer distance is there, not just Wellington. Say you want to go to drive to Auckland or something like that. Then it might be, I was in New York and I had to go to New Jersey.
And when we started off, I had a programme in New Jersey and we had, when we had, we had three paths. So when you set the Google Maps, this path will take 1 hour 15 minutes. This path will take 1 hour 30 minutes.
This path will take 1 hour 25 minutes. And now all three paths are going to take you to the destination. Now we will say which is the right path? Well, we will say the path which is 1 hour 15 minutes is the right path.
But you start with 1 hour 15 minutes. And then after 15 minutes, it's still 1 hour 15 minutes. After 30 minutes, it's still 1 hour 15 minutes.
Because there may be a storm happened over here, maybe a traffic jam happened over there, whatever. We don't know. So it's not that if you're going to go to a destination, it's not that one path is right and another is wrong.
All three are going to take you to the destination. Sometimes some paths maybe you have to pay toll over there. Or sometimes some paths may just, we may have some unpleasant memories of going along that path we made with accident.
That's why we don't want to go along that way. We don't know. So it's not necessary that the shortest path is always the best path.
The point is, if I were to go from there, here to there, there are three paths. And for whom which will be right, that may be somebody who doesn't want to pay toll. They may take the 1 hour 30 minute path.
Somebody is ready to pay the toll, they may take 1 hour 15 minute path. The point is that we are going in the right direction. And if we choose a different direction, it is not that Google rejects us.
You know, you didn't choose my recommended path, I'm not going to guide you. No, okay, you chose this path still. And along this path, what is the best way ahead, I'll tell you.
So Krishna is like the ultimate Google. Yesterday, somebody sent me a cartoon. He says, today is Guru Purnima.
So somebody sent a cartoon, you know. Now for people there is, Google is the guru. So they had a picture of Google giving ashirva and people offering obeisances.
So, oh Google Guru, whatever I search, you tell me. You are like my desire fulfilling tree. No, Google does not fulfil our desires.
It is ultimately, Google might just give us some knowledge, some information. But the point is that Krishna is the ultimate Google. So even if we chose a less, a sub-optimal path, Krishna will still guide us along that way.
So even this obsession in trying to choose the perfect option, that can cause frustration. We are always finite beings. And with our finite knowledge, we can't always know the exact perfect path.
Whatever we understand, we take and move forwards. And if, if okay, something, we understand this is not the best, this is not turning out to be the best, we recalibrate and move forwards. So as long as our intention to serve Krishna is there, as long as our deliberation, we have done the right deliberation about what to do, and then we do the action.
Then we will, even if we have done something wrong, we have taken a wrong turn, we will recalibrate. If the whole purpose of the Bhagavad Gita is not just to tell Arjuna to do the right thing. It is to help Arjuna to do the right reasoning by which he can do the right thing.
If Krishna had to just tell Arjuna to fight the war, Krishna could have drawn his authority, I am God, you obey me, fight the war. Krishna didn't do that. The whole purpose of the Bhagavad Gita was to equip Arjuna with the philosophical understanding by which he could himself, with his intelligence and his conscience, choose the course of action that Krishna was recommending.
So similarly, we shouldn't think of success in life simply in terms of taking the right decision. Success in life is actually having the right intention, doing the right deliberation. And even if the action turns out to be wrong sometimes, we will do course correction thereafter.
Does that answer your question? Any other questions? Are those expectations from us or from whom? From us. Okay. So if others have some expectations from us that are not possible for us to fulfil for whatever reason, and then they feel that we are causing the frustration of their expectations, then what should we do? Yes, it's a difficult situation.
In general, we have to know that we can't control anyone. We can only aid people in either changing themselves, changing their understanding. So basically, if somebody expects us to be in a particular way, and we're just not like that, we just can't do whatever it is, then at that time, we have to try our best to in a sensitive, respectful, intelligible way, communicate that reality.
If we don't communicate that reality, then they will start thinking we are deliberately frustrating their expectations. But if we tell them, this is what it is, because of this, I can't do this. So then sometimes, they will still feel hurt.
But then at least we are trying to communicate. So we cannot force a person to force anyone to do anything. They can't force us, we can't force them.
So sometimes, they may feel that we are frustrating their expectation, we are frustrating them. But then, and we are saying, why are you so attached to the expectation? But then we may be attached to the expectation that they should understand us. Sometimes, some people will not understand us.
And it's difficult to live in that situation. But we may have to just have a little bit more distance. And except that, in this regard, I and this person are so different, that they just won't understand.
It's the way we think is also like the language of our mind. It's like we speak in a particular language. So similarly, our mind thinks in a particular way.
So, two people, their mind may think in very different ways. So some people, they will say, I want my personal time. So some people think personal time is time with the family.
But somebody else's personal time is I want to be alone. I don't want to be with my family also. Hey, what do you mean personal time with time with us? No, no, personal time is alone.
So for both of them, their personal needs are different. So then if they want personal time, which means time alone, and somebody thinks personal time means time with the family, then both of them have to adjust. Okay, this person, they need time, and I have to give them time, but I also need my time.
So basically, tomorrow I'm giving a seminar in Bhakti Lounge. So I'll speak on how one thing is maturity means to understand that no one is obliged to fulfil our needs. Maturity means to understand that no one is obliged to fulfil our needs.
Say, when a baby is small, the baby starts crying. And the baby expects that the world will come running to feed me, to pacify me, to take care of me. But when we grow up now, now if we start crying, well, maybe nobody will come to notice us.
Maybe people will come, but maybe they will not. If we are, the baby will be crying because the baby is hungry. The hunger is a genuine need, and that need needs to be fulfilled.
Similarly, we may be hungry. Now when we are hungry, that hunger is also a need. But, and it's not that that need is not to be fulfilled, but the world is not obliged to fulfil my need.
If I'm hungry, nobody is necessarily obliged to come and feed me. I may have to plan, okay, how can I feed myself? I may, then there may be people who may fulfil my need, but they're not obliged to do so. Okay, I go to a hotel, or I go and cook something, or I go to someone's house where there's some food available.
I have to make the arrangement. So as long as we think that others are obliged to do something for me, to that extent I'm immature. You may say, what do you mean? If I have a close relationship with someone, aren't they obliged to do something? No, they're not obliged.
They will do it, that's because they're responsible, that's because they're committed, that's because they're sensitive. And when you say in a relationship, you're expected to be responsible. But no, they have free will, they may choose not to do it.
And just because they have not done it, that doesn't mean that my need is not to be fulfilled. It is just that I will, the responsibility for fulfilling my need is mine. It is not anyone else's.
So if I need privacy, and privacy means I want to be alone, then I have to create the space for that. If somebody else has a particular need, then if they find that we are not able to fulfil their need, then we can see how that need can be fulfilled. So we have to recognise, every one of us has to grow up actually.
Growing up means recognising that no one is obliged to fulfil our needs. So sometimes their need is that we become a particular way, and our need is that they understand us. So we may try to explain to them, but if they don't understand, then we just do the best that we can, and sooner or later, people have to accept.
So I would say that communication, not in a judgemental way, why are you so demanding, but rather in a gentle, understanding, respectful way. This is the situation. This is what is the, that's why I can't do this right now.
That does often help. If we do it without criticising them for being so demanding or having so much expectation, just explain. And if it doesn't happen, then we don't be attached to our need to be understood.
And we do, we continue our service. In due course, things will be accepted. Okay.
Thank you. Any other, you had a question? Thank you. Yeah.
So does bhakti mean that we should just practise our own bhakti, and not bother about changing the world, not even bother about what is happening in the world? Not exactly. There can be various understandings of bhakti. One understanding of bhakti is world transcending.
Now this world is a temporary place, and distresses are always going to be in this world. So ultimately, we are souls who belong beyond this world. So we have to attain that eternal destination.
That is the world transcending understanding of bhakti. But there is also another understanding of bhakti that is world transforming. That this world is transcending, and this world is also, it's also, this world is also part of God's kingdom.
This world is also a place where God's children are living. And this world is also a place where God descends to establish dharma. So we also have to do our part in establishing dharma.
So there is the world transforming conception of bhakti also. You see, broadly speaking, there are two main bhakti books, which we studied as Bhagavad Gita and the Srimad Bhagavatam. The Bhagavad Gita focusses very much on the world transforming aspect of bhakti.
And the Srimad Bhagavatam focusses very much on the world transcending aspect of bhakti. And both of them are talking about bhakti, but bhakti applied in different contexts. So in the Bhagavatam, there is the king Parikshit, who has been cursed to die in seven days.
And he has accepted this curse, okay, I'm going to die. So then he doesn't worry about social administration and this crime and that crime. He had been worrying about that very responsibly while he was the king, taking care of things very diligently.
But now, now just let me absorb myself in Krishna and let me transcend this world. Arjuna on the other hand, in the Bhagavad Gita, he is a part of the royal family. And that royal family has the responsibility of establishing dharma.
So when Arjuna wants to renounce the world, Krishna says no, you have to fight. So different situations may call for different understandings of bhakti. So it's a simple situation, if somebody has got cancer, and it's, it's more or less, it's such an advanced state that there's just no hope.
And then they start worrying, you know, I wanted to do this, I want to do that, I want to do that. Okay, now you just focus on Krishna, that is your eternal relationship. Just accept this and move on, that's what I'm saying.
But if somebody is young and overall healthy, and they got cancer, it's just in the, it's in the, in the incipient state, cancer, there's no cure for it, my life is ruined. And they say, okay, let me just give up now. No, now you don't have to give up, you fight.
So depending on what situation person is in, there are different, different ways can be of helping that person in the best possible way. So just as there can be different approaches recommended to different cancer patients. Similarly, then different situation, different aspects of bhakti can be practised.
And this also depends not just on situation, it also depends on disposition. Disposition means people's individual nature. Some devotees, devotees are also not like they don't fall from the sky, they're part of the broader society.
And some people have become, I started practising bhakti now. So even in the broader society, if you see, how many people are socially conscious? How many people are concerned about transforming society? Some thought everybody has somebody, everybody has some expert advice on how to transform society. But very few people are activists who do something.
So just as in the broader society, there are some people who are activists and many who are not. It doesn't make them bad people. Similarly, from that broader society, some people come to bhakti.
And within bhakti also, there will be some people based on their past disposition, they will have an activist zeal. And some others may not have that activity. So there will be devotees who will have that world transforming zeal.
And they will act in that way. There are others who may not have that world transforming zeal. They didn't have it before they were devotees, and we can't expect them to have it now.
So bhakti accommodates all kinds of people. And at a, if you go at a subtler level, even that devotee, who is practising bhakti diligently, even that devotee is a part of the change of the world. Ultimately, if you look at whatever problems are in the world, they are because of lust, anger, greed, all corruption problems, corruption related problems are because of greed.
All sexual assault kind of problems are because of lust. Now all, most violence in general that happens is because of anger. So by the practise of bhakti, lust, anger, greed goes down.
So even if one person is becoming bhakta, to that extent, they are decreasing the lust, anger, greed level in the world. So they are also a part of the solution. It's not that they are not directly solving, but they, it's not that they are not a part of, not solving, but they may not be activists in that direction.
So I will say that if we practise bhakti ourselves, and if we have a, if, if we have an activist zeal to, for us, then rather than judging devotees for not being activists, we can find out within the devotee community, those who have the tendency for activism. And we will be able to gel very nicely with them. So for example, there might be environmental consciousness.
Everybody needs to have some level of green awareness. But some people, for them it's a mission. And even among devotees, some devotees were very conscious of that before, and now they are conscious more.
Or some devotees, after coming to Krishna Bhakti, they understand this is important, they take it up. Not everybody will take it up. So those who are very eco-conscious, then they need to associate with others who are eco-conscious.
So Bhaktivinod Thakur is a great Vaishnavacharya, and he says that we need not just association, but we need like-minded association. So like-minded association. So if we have activist zeal, we have to find out devotees who have that activist zeal.
Can I answer your question? Thank you. Hare Krishna. Any other questions? So we see that Arjuna also got confused.
Prabhupada also faced so many obstacles. So if maya can attack even such great souls, then for us, what is the best way for us to move forward? What is the guarantee that we can even move forward? Yeah, it's a valid question. I would say there are three parts to this.
First is that maya is, the Bhagavatam says in the sixth canto that Vaishnavi janamodini. Maya is also ultimately a devotee of Krishna. And her purpose is not to thwart us.
Her purpose is to test us. So we are all tested according to our capacities. So if we are in university, we have to prepare for an exam, and passing that exam is not easy.
But if we are in the first year of our university, we don't have to worry what if I get doctorate level questions. We are not going to get that. So we will get questions at our level.
So we will all be tested, but we will be tested at our level. Great devotees are tested at their level. So we don't have to worry that if they are tested, then what about me? No, we will all be tested at our particular levels.
And if we try to maintain a steady desire to serve Krishna, we will be able to overcome those tests. Prabhupada once asked, if our purpose is to serve Krishna, then why is maya so strong? And Prabhupada replied, because your purpose is not strong. So if at our level we make our purpose strong, we will be able to pass our tests.
That's the first point. Second point is that different tests are for different purposes. For great devotees, there is yoga maya.
And for Arjuna, when apparently he gets deluded, when he gets confused, it's not that actually he's confused. It is by Krishna's plan that he's confused. And by Krishna's plan, he will also come out of the confusion.
And through that whole, through Arjuna's going into confusion and coming out of confusion, a great good happens to the world. Because the Bhagavad Gita is spoken and he also becomes celebrated as the person to whom the there's a 50-story building. And person A jumps from the 50-story building because they want to commit suicide.
And person B is a movie superstar in an action movie. And person B jumps from the 50-story building. Now the action of both of them jumping is the same.
But for the second person, there is a security net below. And that will become a part of an action movie. And that will become a very attractive stunt.
But for the first person when they jump, it's a pathway to death. So although the action is the same, the broader context is very different. Similarly, when great devotees seem to go into illusion, then actually it is within yoga maya.
It is like a movie stunt. There is a higher plan and Krishna is there to protect. So we can't compare their being tested with our being tested.
They have not gone into illusion. It's a part of the Lord's plan. They apparently go into illusion so that knowledge can be given or so that they can be glorified.
And lastly, what we can see through their situation, say Prabhupada's situation, we can see his great determination. That if he was such a great soul and still he had to face difficulties and he persevered, why cannot I not persevere? We can get inspiration to persevere through our difficulties. So for great devotees, the test that they face are for their glorification.
For us, the test that we go through are for our purification. The test that we face, they separate the sincere from the insincere. It's like an exam.
It separates the students who are well prepared and the students who are not well prepared. Similarly, if we take inspiration, okay, this test is meant simply for me to become better prepared. And if I become better prepared, then whatever test we will face, we will be able to pass through that.
Thank you. My purpose is to get fixed. So my expectation is like my expectation is almost my purpose.
And the purpose is because I am not controlling it. If I have to fix myself, I won't fix it. But I have to fix somebody else who is not in my control.
Going off on a wrong track, then how do we deal our expectation on our purpose here almost similar because we want them to come on the right track, but we don't have any control over them. So what do we do at such a time? Should we just renounce the world and become spiritual? Or should we just should we still try to do something to help them? Certainly, whatever situation we are in, those whom we are closely related to, we are always meant to do good to them. But everybody goes through different phases.
See, teenage is a very turbulent phase. What the mind does to a person in teenage, it is very, very difficult to navigate it, especially now with the world becoming so unpredictable. So I was at a writing seminar, and author was telling that, the host guiding seminar said that you can all write about your life story.
So one of them said, nothing interesting has happened in my life. He says, if you have survived teenage, you have enough for a life story. So teenage is a very difficult period to navigate.
Basically, psychologically, if you see, when a child is small, the child's identity comes primarily from the parents. No, I'm so and so's son or I'm so and so's daughter. Now, when they're adults, they have their own identity.
No, I have this degree, I have this job, I have this family, I have this designation. In between, when they're in their youths, at that time, they're caught in between the two. They are too old to accept, to be satisfied with the identity coming from their parents.
And they're too young to have yet developed their own identity. So that situation where they're, they're trying to assert their autonomy, but they're not yet got there. It's a very difficult phase for them to go through.
So, there's I think, Mark Twain, who said that, when I was 15, my father was a fool. Now I'm 25. And I'm amazed how much the old guy has learned in the last 10 years.
So, sometimes people just have to go through that phase. That phase is the phase of rebellion. They want to assert their own identity.
So, whatever the parents say, no, I don't want to do this. So, in such a situation, if the more we try to impose, the more they will reject. And because they're grown up now, we can't really control them also too much.
So, sometimes we just have to let people learn by their experience. This is where we have to learn to come to the level of, you could say, unconditional love. Unconditional love doesn't mean that whatever the other person does, we love that thing.
What it means is that whatever the other person does, we still love them. Unconditional love doesn't mean that whatever is done is loved. But whatever is done, still the person is loved.
So, if they can still feel that we are their well-wishers, if they start feeling that, if a kid starts feeling that we are their suppressor, then they will just fight. I was with a teenager, he's a devotee. So, I was talking with him and then he had a phone.
So, he picked up the phone. Phone was written, jail. I said, what is this? He says, that's my home.
Sometimes people feel like that in that age. I'm so much constricted. That's just a phase they will go through.
So, sometimes we are available for them at that time, but we don't impose on them. We can give, we can give our understanding, your inputs, but if we find that they're not ready to accept it, it's very difficult. But if we do that, then eventually they themselves will grow, they will learn.
In general, one human being can influence another human being only in three ways. One is by providing knowledge, second is by providing facilities and third is by providing inspiration or setting an example. If I want you to go in this way, what can I do? I can tell you knowledge.
If you go this way, this is what you will get. If you go that way, that is what you get, knowledge. But then if I'm telling you go this way, but there is no road over there.
It's all rocky and it's slippery and then you go this way. No. We have to provide some facility for the other person to go in that direction.
And third is providing example, providing inspiration. I've also gone in this way. I've also gone through this phase.
So, if they see that we are walking our talk, then okay, that's what I want to do. So, if it is possible, we can try to provide some facility for them to come to the right track. That would mean maybe if they just have some good friends through whom they learn.
If we tell them, they will not learn from us. But if you just try to connect them with some good friends, somebody who is like-minded of their age, of their generation, of their mindset, but on a different path. It's very difficult because we have guided them for so long and we feel like we should be able to guide them now.
But we just don't see they're going on the wrong track as a personal failure. It is their life, their choice. So, if we try to facilitate them, they will come back on the right track.
It is for the service of Krishna, we may have to do different roles at different times. Becoming spiritual doesn't mean becoming irresponsible. It just means becoming detached.
Detached means I don't have control over the situation. So, let me now continue serving with whatever situation I am in. There are two ways of surrendering to Krishna.
One way of surrendering to Krishna is by raising our hand like Draupadi did. I surrender to you in helplessness. So, another way of surrendering to Krishna is what Arjuna did at the end of the Bhagavad Gita.
Arjuna picked up his bow in readiness to fight. That was all surrendered to Krishna. So, when our children are small, at that time we are like Arjuna, protecting our children from all dangers.
But when the children become teenagers, we have to become like Draupadi. Yes. So, our expectations keep changing and growing.
First we want a car, then we have a car, we want a car park and then things keep growing like that. See, growth is an actual feature of life. All of us were unicellular organisms at one time.
We are just one cell at one time. Now, we are fully grown up beings with millions of cells in our body. So, growth is natural.
Now, cancer is also growth. But cancer is growth that is disproportionate and destructive. Growth itself is healthy, you would consider.
But cancer is growth that is disastrous for health. So, when one thing grows disproportionately, then one organ, one part of the body or one set of cells in the body grow disproportionately, they destroy the rest of the body. Similarly, for us to want to grow financially, grow socially, that is just natural.
We all want to grow. But if one particular aspiration, one particular desire, one particular expectation, one particular ambition, that becomes obsessive for us, then that can become like cancer. Then it disrupts our entire life.
Then we just forgetting that we may become bitter about life, we may become disagreeable with others, we may become manipulative, we may try to cheat. I want to somehow get this. So, we have to see that our life is meant to grow in various directions.
And if something does not happen in a particular direction, that does not necessarily mean that we are failures. So, sometimes in particular situations, particular phases of life, we may grow financially very steadily. Sometimes and just economy changes, job situation changes, there may be a little stagnation.
And again, we may start growing. So, we have to have the broad picture of life. As we are professionals, we are family members, we are parts of family, we are part devotees.
So, if we are holistically growing, then there is no problem. And even if one part of the growth is happening, that is good, if it does not happen, we will not get so obsessed by it. So, generally, if we wed our sense of identity, if we tie ourselves to a particular definition of success, if I do this, then I am successful, if I do not do this, I am not successful, I am a failure, then we will become too disturbed.
But if we can say, okay, this did not work out, but this has worked out. Now, as compared to a few years ago, I have grown so much in bhakti now, I learned so much, I have developed so much as a person, these bad things have gone, these unwanted habits have gone out of me. So, this is all growth is happening.
So, we have to if we have a holistic picture, then we won't be too attached to unwanted expectations. And over a period of time, you will understand that, okay, this is if it worked out good, if it does not work out, it does not matter that much. It does not matter that much.
Does that answer your question? Yes. So, what you said, that holds good for the spiritual path as well, right? What? What is good? What you said just now, that holds good for the spiritual path, right? That's right. Because I have seen a lot of people who got so attached to the goal of getting to some level of the spiritual path, that they just lost the essence of it somehow.
Can you give an example of spiritual, what can we do with spiritual attachment? So, if someone becomes too attached to spiritual growth, and they lose perspective of the whole picture, is that also problematic? Yes. In the Mahabharata, when Narada Muni comes to meet Yudhishtira after he has been coronated as the king, so he tells him that, O king, are you pursuing religion, profit, and pleasure in proportion, dharma, artha and kama in proportion? He says that don't pursue religion alone at the cost of, don't pursue dharma alone at the cost of artha and kama. Don't pursue artha alone at the cost of dharma and kama.
And don't pursue kama alone at the cost of dharma and artha. So, balance everything. So, if one pursues only one of these, now we are bhaktas, so for us, dharma, artha and kama ultimately is meant for bhakti.
We want to live a virtuous, pious, moral life, so that we can serve Krishna better. We want financial security, so that we can serve Krishna better. We have various desires, we want to fulfil them so that we can have a better facility to serve Krishna.
We want to have family, children, so that together we can serve Krishna. So, they have to be in balance. Sometimes, some people come to spirituality because of frustration with their material life, and then spirituality can be like an escape way from material life, which is okay, it can provide relief, but ultimately we have to live in the material world.
So, we have to learn to navigate in a balanced way. So, if somebody is becoming too attached to spiritual life, then firstly they have to have the right ashram. If somebody is in grahastha ashram, then they have to have balance.
If somebody is going to take a renounced order, even there also they cannot neglect their body and physical side entirely. They also have to take care of that. So, it's just sometimes an impulsive overreaction to certain situations.
If one gets proper guidance, one gets proper understanding, then come to a balance. In principle, we cannot have too much attachment to Krishna. There is no excess in attachment to Krishna.
Always attachment to Krishna is good, but in practise, how that attachment to Krishna is translated into action, that we have to see. It has to be in a holistic way. So, I can be very attached to Krishna, but then I have to be attached to Krishna in such a way that it inspires me to make sure that I take care of all my responsibilities in the mode of service to Krishna.
Okay? Thank you. Yes, how much time do we have? Okay, last question. Do any of the matajis have questions? Any of you have? I was in America, so there they had two mics, one question from Pramod, one question from matajis.
Everybody was passing on. Yes, if nobody, anybody has? Okay, the last question. Yeah.
Okay. Okay. So, how do we disassociate ourselves from the fear of failure? Yeah.
Yes, it is a fear of any kind. Can sometimes work positively when it makes us more cautious, but it can also work negatively when it makes us paralysed. So, if I have, you know, driving a car, if I have fear, if I drive carelessly, if I hit this, go beyond the speed limit, I will get into trouble.
That fear makes me vigilant while I am driving. But if the fear becomes so much that I think, oh, if I get into a car, what if accident happens, and then I refuse to drive itself, then that fear is becoming a problem. So, fear itself is not the problem.
It is how the fear is affecting us, or how the fear is affecting our emotion. That, that is when it can be problematic. So, naturally, when we start any action, there is always the possibility of failure.
And we have to realistically evaluate how important this action is for me, how much effort is it going to require for me. And if it is very important, and if whatever effort is required, I am ready to do that, then I need not let the fear choke me. It is say, if I want to lift weights, if I have a capacity to lift 20 kg weight, suddenly I lift 50 kg weight, it is not going to work.
But if I am afraid to lift even 21 kg, then I will not grow. So, we have to see the broad picture and see whether that fear is helping is protecting us from danger, or is suppressing our growth. Fear can do both.
Fear itself is not a bad thing. Some people say, I want to conquer all my fears. That is a fearful situation to be in.
If a child is peering out of a window of a 100 storey building and just bending out, and child feels no fear, the mother will feel great fear, come back. So, we should not think of fear as an enemy. Fear can protect us from unnecessary danger.
Having said that, now, fear of failure can also be a protector, because it can ensure that we will do the adequate preparation, and we will do the adequate homework also before we embark on something. So, now, while moving on that path, if fear starts overcoming us, then we can use four meditations. I use the acronym FEAR, F E A R, for dealing with fear.
F is focus. Focus means, what exactly is the problem right now? This, this, oh, if I fail, this will happen, that will happen, that will happen. Okay, what is the problem right now? The problem is, I have this exam, I am not prepared for this exam.
Okay, what exactly is the problem? Oh, I have to, I have to read 150 pages. I have only one day remaining now. Okay, what exactly is the problem right now? Okay, I have to read these pages now.
So, what happens, focus, the mind makes, when fear comes, it becomes like a smog in front of us. We cannot see anything. But focus means, bring it to a tangible issue.
Then E is engage. Engage means, what can I do about it right now? Okay, what can I do about it? I can, I do not know what is going to come in the exam, but I can study right now. I got, I got one day, I can read maybe 10 pages an hour or 20 pages an hour.
In 10 hours, I can complete this many pages. I can now do this, whatever. Engage.
If we just do this focus and engage, that brings our mind back to the present. And it is the, it is when the mind goes to the future, that is when fear paralyses us. We want to prepare for the future, but we do not want to be caught in the future.
So, focus and engage brings us to the mode of goodness, where we deal with the world as it is. And A is arise. Arise means, understand that we are spiritual.
Raise your consciousness above the situation. We are eternal souls. We have gone through many fearful situations in the past, and we have survived them.
Similarly, we will go through this also. So, arise. Right.
This is, I will do my best, but I will not, this is not life threatening, this is not life defining. Life will go on. Let me deal with this.
And R is release. Release means, let things that are not in our control, let Krishna take care of them. Right.
We often think that either things are in my control or things are out of my control. But things that are out of our control are not out of control. They are in Krishna's control.
So, to the extent we take shelter of Krishna, to release, that let go of the thing that, okay, what is going to come in the focus right now. So, focus, engage, arise and release, that can help us to deal, to ensure, to deal with fear constructively. Okay.
So, thank you very much. So, we have a few books over here. Now, there are two, three books which are new.
There is Gita, Wisdom through Codes. That is a new book. The 365 codes inspired by the Bhagavad Gita.
And then there is Searching Eye, is it there? Or the, that is okay, it may not be there. It is the rightmost book. Searching Eyes, this is a new book which I had not brought last year when I had come.
This is about dealing with current affairs, spiritual wisdom for dealing with social issues, such as corruption, religious violence. We also have one book Minded, which deals with the issues related with the mind and how Bhagavad Gita can help us to address those issues. And then we have, there are several other books also, but we also have four pen drives, which talk, if those of you prefer to hear talks, there is one pen drive with around 2000 question answers of the kind which we had say after this class.
There is one pen drive which has about 150 talks on mind and relationships. So, and another is one about 150 talks on applied bhakti yoga, that is more for serious devotees to how to apply bhakti principles and to grow spiritually. And there is one pen drive which is the first canto of the Srimad Bhagavatam systematic study.
So, all the 19 chapters is a verse by verse study of the, about 110 class, 109 classes are there, which study the, which deal with the first canto. So, if any of you want these, feel free to have a look at them. Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.