From Grudging to Gratitude

From Grudging to Gratitude 1 – Grudging is like driving with brakes pressed

From Grudging to Gratitude 2 – See beyond the immediate cause of suffering

From Grudging to Gratitude 3 – Learn to re-interpret reality devotionally

From Grudging to Gratitude 4 – Forgiving internally and externally by focusing on Krishna

Anyway, we'll work out.

Hare Krishna. Welcome all of you, today, and today onwards, series of talks on, from grudging to gratitude. In our life, the physical and the mental often go out of sync.

Now, we know, if you are watching a homemade video, and in that video, say the person has done the audio recording using one device, and the video shooting has been done in another device, and the two are not synced properly, and then, somebody drops a glass, and then, before the glass is even left the hand, the cracking sound comes. So, when things are out of sync, they become very, they don't, they don't function properly, can't enjoy the video, whatever we are watching. So, in the movie, what has happened is that, visual and the audio, they go out of sync.

So, when things go out of sync, then, proper functionality cannot take place. Am I audible properly? There's a little echo. It's okay? So, similarly, for us, when we exist as conscious beings, we are physically at a particular place.

But, frequently, our mind is not at that place. And, when the body and the mind are out of sync, now, we usually refer to such people, if they are habitually like that, we may call them absent-minded. Now, absent-minded, doesn't mean that the mind is absent-little.

Mind is always there. The mind always exists. The mind is always present in the sense of, existing in the sense that it is present.

But, it is present somewhere other than where the body is present. So, the person may be talking with someone in that way. Hey, come to earth.

The person is in a dreamland, lost somewhere. So, basically, when the body and the mind go out of sync, then we can't function properly. Now, there are many things which may cause the body and the mind to go out of sync.

When we are physically, we are not mentally there. The Bhagavad Gita explains that our existence is three-dimensional. That is the body, the mind and the soul.

So, the body, if you can compare to a computer, the body is like the hardware, the mind is like the software. And, the soul is like the user. So, now, the hardware is, if you want to do some work on a computer, we need the hardware.

And, primarily, the hardware is that what we see. You know, if somebody's computer has a big crack, what happened? What happened to your PC? Or, somebody's computer has become very discoloured. A lot of dirt in it.

What happened? Did you take care of the computer? What happened? So, basically, when you can see something wrong with the So, if there's something wrong with the physical structure of the computer, we can see it very easily. But, if the computer is infected by a virus, then, at a physical level, the computer may appear to be perfectly functional. But, the computer cannot function at all.

Because the software is impaired. Similarly, some of us may be physically very healthy. But, sometimes, the mind, which is like a software, that gets impaired.

And now, when the impairing of the mind happens, what exactly happens with that? As I said, the mind can get impaired in various ways. But, the mind is the is the channel of consciousness. So, what does it mean, channel? Say, for example, if I'm sitting here and I want to look what is there outside the door.

Now, if this room is completely dark and in this room there's nothing except that door, which is a source of light, then only when I look at that door and through that door, can I see what is outside. So, the door is literally the door for my vision. That's where, how I can see outside.

So, the soul, say, is like the person sitting here. The door is the mind. And, from that, what we see outside is the world.

So, the mind is like the door for the soul. The soul is the root of consciousness. R-double-O-T root.

It is the source of consciousness. The mind is the root of consciousness. R-O-U-T the path.

So, from the root of consciousness of the soul, through the mind, which is the path of consciousness, our consciousness comes out. Sometimes, the door may be closed. If the door is closed, I won't be able to see it.

But the mind is a much more peculiar kind of door. It is meant to be the root of consciousness. We need the mind.

Whenever we perceive something, we perceive not just with our eyes. You know, sometimes we may, we may be there looking at someone, but if we are lost in our thoughts, then we don't see. What happened over there? Or when you are talking with someone and you get lost, what did you say? Sometimes, again, we are in a class, and we sit physically, but our mind goes off for a jog.

It goes here, it goes there. And then suddenly, there is a joke in the class. And people look, and what happened? I don't want to miss the joke.

I want to know what it is. So the mind basically runs back and thinks there is something entertaining over here. So basically, perception in the sense of something entering into the senses, say the vision entering into our eyes, that perception is what happens when the senses come in contact with external objects.

Eyes come in contact with forms. Eyes come in contact with forms. The ears come in contact with sound.

This is when perception happens. But actually, that perception doesn't register within us. The perception doesn't happen.

In a sense, the sensory information enters into our eyes, but it doesn't register with us if the mind is not there. This is the external object, these are the eyes, this is the mind and this is the soul. So only when the mind is present over there, does what we see register.

Otherwise, it doesn't register. So if the door is closed, somebody might be there outside, I won't be able to see them. So the mind, which is meant to be a channel for consciousness, can become the blocker of consciousness.

It doesn't allow our consciousness to go anywhere, wherever it is meant to go. But the mind doesn't just block our consciousness. The mind channels our consciousness elsewhere.

Suppose, I have a door and on that door, through that door, if it is open, I see what is there outside. But if instead of that door, somebody puts a TV screen over there and then suddenly some channel starts over there. Now when the channel starts off over there, I may think I am looking at the door, but actually I am seeing something which is happening somewhere else in there.

On that TV channel, there might be a cricket match going on, there might be a movie going on, there might be a dozen other things going on. And then, we get caught in watching that. We just get lost in our thoughts and we forget where we are.

And the mind basically can, in that way, desync us in the body. So, we are at a particular place, but we are not at that place because our consciousness is not there. Our consciousness is gone somewhere else.

Now sometimes, absentmindedness is just funny. There is a typical example of say, absentminded people, they put their specs on their forehead, they are searching everywhere, where are my specs? So, they are there but they are not aware of it. This kind of absentmindedness is just humorous.

But sometimes, the absentmindedness of the mind, rather the mind is not being present where it is. There can also be far more, not just humorous, it can be dreamy, it can be dangerous also. So, when our topic today is, we are going to start this journey with grudging.

So, the way we are going to discuss is, when we face problems in life, at that time, one of our mental responses is that, we go into grudging resentful mood. So, we will try to understand in a sense, how our mind sabotages us when we grudge and how grudging harms us. At a more philosophical level, we will understand that today.

Tomorrow in the first session, whenever we face a problem, we attribute a cause. What is the cause of it? So, we will see how, whatever happens in our life, how exactly is Krishna related with it. You know, Krishna is not the cause of our problems, he is ultimately the cure for our problems.

And that is the second session. And in third session, we will discuss about how even amidst the problematic situations, we can look for reasons to be grateful. That is the power of aggressive gratitude.

Now, why aggressive gratitude? Because, normally when we talk about aggression, aggression means, say a country has a particular territory, but then they invade into another territory, and then they occupy that territory, that's called aggression. So, when we talk about aggressive gratitude means, there are certain things for which we will feel grateful, and they work out. But, when we take our consciousness out of that territory, and take it into territory about which we will not normally feel grateful, but find ways to be grateful, then, that is aggressive gratitude.

In the last session, I'll talk about how we can, once we understand that there are things to be grateful for, we often talk about count your blessings. But, we'll talk not just about counting our blessings, we'll talk about making our blessings count. That means, whatever are the positives in our life, how to ensure that they work for us, that we can actually not just conceptually think about positive, but bring positivity into our life.

That's the journey we'll take. And, right now, I'm giving the conceptual background. So, when we become resentful, what essentially happens? Say, if you consider this as the timeline along which certain life is moving.

So, at event, at time, at coordinate A, at point A, a particular event happens in our life. Somebody speaks something to us, somebody does something to us, just something just happens. Say, I'm going for a programme and my car breaks down.

Or, somebody's promised to do something and we just forget to do it. Or, we expected the support of someone and they instead criticise us. So, something unexpected, something unpalatable happens.

Now, when this happens, life moves on. The time A, the moment A, it has happened, it moves on. Now we come to time B, time C, time D. But, our mind gets stuck over there.

How could he say that? Why did, why did she do that? How could this have happened? Why, why, why? So, when that happens, when our mind gets locked in the past, in a particular event, which has happened and we are just not able to accept it. We just can't digest that this has happened. So, at one level, our emotions are just natural mental responses to situations.

For example, say I'm sitting on this, just as we have natural physical responses, similarly, we have natural mental responses. So, for example, say if I'm sitting on this sofa and suddenly I feel it's very cold, then I will move to another side. So, there is a stimulus of cold and then there is a movement to respond to that cold.

So, that, if suddenly I find some mosquito biting me, I move my hand up. So, this is an instinctive response in the physical reflexes. the pain and the discomfort or whatever I feel at a physical level, that's a just natural human response to the stimulus I have.

So, similarly, when something goes wrong, to get frustrated, to feel irritated, to feel angry, to feel resentful, these are natural human responses at the mental level. At the same time, we have the capacity to decouple our actions from our emotions. It's like sometimes I feel hungry.

Now, when I feel hungry, my normal response is I will eat food. When there is hunger, the sensation of hunger comes in as emotions and then the normal response is I eat food. But suppose I'm fasting, I will be dieting, I will be fasting for the holy birth, religious fasting for better health or whatever.

If I'm fasting, then what happens, I feel the sensation, I feel the emotion of hunger. But, I say, I will not eat. And that is determination.

So we all have this capacity for determination. You know, say, a cat sees a mouse. The cat cannot think, oh, today is Ekadashi, I have to fast.

Today is the sacred day, I'm supposed to fast. The cat can't think like that. Why not? Because it doesn't have the capacity.

For the cat, as soon as there is the sensation, oh, there's food, there's action in it. So for us, there is the capacity to decouple sensation and the associated emotion, the emotion from action. And that capacity is our determination.

So, it is natural to feel irritated, to feel resentful when something goes wrong. However, it is not natural to hold on to that feeling. To hold on to that feeling is not only not natural, it is harmful.

In the Bhagavad Gita, in the 18th chapter, Krishna talks about three kinds of determinations. He talks about determination in the mode of goodness, determination in the mode of passion, and determination in the mode of ignorance. So the modes of material nature are basically certain forces, the three gunas that are talked about in the Bhagavad Gita.

This is the conceptual framework for psychological analysis in the Bhagavad Gita. He says the modes basically are certain forces that shape the interaction between matter and consciousness. when we see a particular object, how we respond to it, that is determined by the mode we are situated in.

So in the same object, person A may be in goodness and they will respond in a particular way. Person B sees in passion, they respond in a different way. Person C sees in ignorance, they respond in a third way.

So for example, say, three people are riding in a bus and when they are riding in a bus, the first person is in goodness, second is in passion, third is in tamoguna. Now, the person in tamoguna in the mode of ignorance is lazy, apathetic, just trying to sleep and the bus is moving a little bit, jolting, can't sleep and they look out and there is a large greenery outside. The person in ignorance thinks, such soft ground, so comfy, I could sleep so nicely.

The second person is in the mode of passion. And as soon as they see greenery in the they remember the latest romantic movie that they had seen and they remember some romantic scene they had seen in some forest. And they think, if only I had someone with me, I would enjoy.

Simple perception. Third person is in the mode of goodness. See, they are trying to read a book.

The person is moving up and down, they are not able to focus on reading. They look out and there is a large greenery there. Such peaceful place.

I can sit calm and immerse myself in the greenery greenery. So, what is happening, same perception, same object is perceived but it is perceived very differently. That is because of the mood which a person is in.

So, the moods are subtle forces that shape the interaction between matter and consciousness. So the material objects that we see, how they will influence us, that will vary depending on the particular mode that we are in. So whatever mode we are in, we perceive things accordingly.

Some of you probably know the story of the alcoholic, anti-alcohol campaigner. Once he was giving a class on how dangerous alcoholism is, he should give it up. So he decided to give a live demonstration.

And he got up, he was talking about dangerous effects that alcohol has on the body and finally he had a small box which he had kept a fly. He had a bottle of, had a glass of alcohol, opened the, opened the box and just flung the insect into the bottle, the insect had fluttered about, he sank down, and then sank down. He said, what do you learn from this? He was obviously talking about how dangerous alcohol is and so all the alcoholics were there, started looking down.

And one of them was very jolly, looking up eagerly, he said, what do you learn? Raising his hand, he said, what do you learn? He said, I learn that whenever I drink alcohol, all the germs in my stomach will die. So here, the same object is perceived, but it is perceived based on how one is thinking, on which mode one is in. The modes are often, the modes offer us often self-affirming visions of reality.

Self-affirming visions of reality means, when I am thinking of a particular thing, then the mode, the particular mode which I am in, I see things in a way that affirms my version of reality. Whatever I am thinking about, I see only those things which reaffirm whatever I am thinking about. So, why are we talking about the modes right now? Krishna says that resentment, the negativity associated with resentment, this is typical of the mode of ignorance.

एया स्वप्नं भयं शोकं विशादं मदमेवज्य नविमुञ्चति धुर्मेधा दृति सापार्थ तामसी So he says, dhruti, dhruti is determination, सापार्थ तामसी, tamasi means in the mode of ignorance. So, determination in the mode of ignorance, what does it mean? It means, normally we use the word determination in a very positive sense. That means very determined.

So, you know, although there are so many obstacles they are holding on to, going on, pressing on, that's their determination. Yes, determination is normally positive, but sometimes if someone holds on to something which hurts them, something which harms them, then that we usually refer to as obstinacy, stubbornness. We use the negative describers for describing it, but still the point is that person is holding on to it, although it's hurting them.

So, determination in the mode of ignorance basically means obstinacy or stubbornness where we hold on to something which hurts us. Normally, suppose, you know, there is an iron bar and that iron bar is red hot, you just touch it, burns me. Now, if I accidentally happen to touch it, then even then, actually, so even if I accidentally happen to touch it, I will immediately let go of it.

But suppose somebody somehow holds on to that iron bar, holds on, holds on, see, what are you doing? You are hurting yourself. So, it is let go, no, hold on. Let go, no, hold on.

That requires determination to hold on, but that is a perverse determination. A perverse determination which actually hurts the person. So, there is a Mahabharata, one of the kings, one of the characters named Dhritarashtra.

So, Dhritarashtra, the word, he is a very attached king and although he, because of his attachment, he is ready to even do nefarious activities, give consent in the killing of his relatives, so his own nephews. So, he just does that because he is so attached. In the word Dhritarashtra, it literally, Dhrita means to hold on.

Rashtra means country or state, kingdom. So, one who strongly holds on to the kingdom. Now, this word can have both a positive connotation and negative connotation.

Dhritarashtra can mean one who strongly holds on to the kingdom and protects the kingdom. Protects the kingdom against plunderers, against thieves. Dhritarashtra can also have a negative connotation where it means a person who is attached and holds on to things.

So, normally the character of Dhritarashtra is associated with this negative characterisation that he was very attached. So, now that holding on requires determination. Now, when we are resentful, what are we doing? We are mentally holding on to something which hurts us.

Krishna says this requires determination. To hold on to something which is painful, it requires determination. But if that painful, holding on to something painful, if that is purposeful.

Say, if I am falling off from a mountain cliff and there is a rope dangling, I hold on to it. My whole body weight is falling on my arms and my arms are pained. But at that time when I hold on, that holding on is purposeful.

So, pain itself is not a problem. Any kind of determination involves tolerating some pain. But if that pain has some purpose, then it is positive.

But if the pain has no purpose, I am holding on to something which I don't need to hold on to. I am holding on to iron bar and my hands are burning. That is self-destructing.

That is self-torturing. So, resentment is like that. Krishna says, Such a person who does not give up.

Their intelligence is misdirected. Because of the misdirected intelligence, they don't give up holding on to the things which are hurting them. What are their things? Krishna talks about five things.

Ya Sopnam, Daydream. This person is idly daydreaming, does nothing. I do this, I do that, I do that.

But they practically don't do anything. Silent daydreamers. Ya Sopnam, Bhayam.

Constantly fearful. What if this happens, what if that happens, what if that happens? See, fear is natural. And fear is not undesirable.

Whenever there is a fear, it is a natural human response to danger. Whenever, if you are looking down from a 100-storey building, and you see such a big drop, you feel fear. That fear is a natural human response to danger.

And it protects us. Now, if a child looks down from a 100-storey building and doesn't feel fear, the mother will become fearful by that. Hey, come on! So, fear is natural.

Fear is, in some ways, desirable. But fearfulness is not desirable. When I am not looking down at that 100-storey fall, I am thinking, what if I fell down, sitting just fine? What will happen? So, fearfulness is a problem.

So, in fearfulness, what are we doing? We are mentally holding on to that which causes us negativity, which causes us anxiety. Ya Sopnam, Bhayam, Shokam. Shokam is lamentation.

That means, something has happened, something has gone wrong, and still, why did this happen? And this is what we are talking about, resentment. It is related with lamentation. And then Krishna says, So, Ya Sopnam, Bhayam, Shokam.

Vishadham Madhamev. Sopna and Bhaya, they dream like this, that will happen, that will happen. Bhaya, fear.

These two are about the future. Shoka, lamenting, this may go wrong, that may go wrong. Why did this happen? Why did that happen? That is about the past.

Now, Vishadham. Vishadham means moroseness. Some people are habitually negative.

No matter, whatever we tell them, they always find some problem with it. Even the best thing happens in their life. What if this goes wrong? What if that goes wrong? These are morose people.

Vishadham Madhamevacham. Madham means intoxication. Some people just can't deal with life.

There is no problem, whose solution can't be found at the bottom of a bottle of alcohol. Just drink and forget. That is Madhamevacham.

All these, naturally when they drink alcohol, they temporarily feel high, but afterwards, they make a fool out of themselves. They act in an embarrassing way, they spoil their health, they waste their money, they hurt their relationships. In the long run, how does this happen? They still keep doing it.

These are, Krishna says, determination in the mode of ignorance. Now, in such determination, we are holding on to something which is undesirable. And what is that? In our case, when we are resenting, something has already happened, it has gone wrong.

But, why did this happen? Why did this happen? Why? That question just eats us up mentally. It eats us up mentally. We are just left powerless, incapable of doing anything at all.

So, now, if I give an example of a journey, of a life journey, in terms of time. So, I start at time A, something happened, and we move on to time B. We have moved on, the world has moved on, but we are mentally stuck in there. Why did this happen? So, basically then, what has happened? Our body and our mind are out of sync.

Our body is in time B, our mind is in time A. And A and B can be different places also. Something happens in office, we come home, and we are irritated. Why did this happen? So, again, we are out of sync, basically.

At this time, when we are resentful like this, this resentment, A, it prevents us from moving ahead in life. Basically, we all life moves on and we need to move on with it. Suppose, if we are going on a car journey.

Now, if we drive the car, if we move the steering, if we turn on the engine, the car starts moving. If I press the brakes, if I press the brakes, the car just can't move. The car will stay on over there.

All that happens, a lot of noise, if I am moving the car and it's in the proper gear, I am moving the steering wheel, the engine is on and the brake is also on. All that will happen is a lot of friction. The car will not move on, the brake will cause the car, the machinery wants to move on but the brake is stopping.

It causes a lot of internal friction. Like that, for us, now, if we consider our body, it moves on, life moves on and physically we move on from one thing to another. But mentally, we stay stuck somewhere.

Mentally, there is a brake pressed on our consciousness and with the brake pressed on our consciousness, we stay somewhere else. Why did this happen? Why did he do that? Why did she do that? How could this have happened? This question goes on and on and on. And that happens and we just become paralysed.

Paralysed not necessarily physically but mentally. Mentally, we become paralysed. We go through life but we are just existing.

We are not really living. We are filled with so much negativity. So, this resentment absorbs our energy.

And now the word grudging is used in a particular sense where somebody has done something wrong and we hold on to it. So, the grudging is one scope, one aspect of resentment which is with respect to people. But this person did like this, this person did like that.

When we do that, basically, we may think I'll get back at that person but we are hurting ourselves more. We are hurting ourselves more than we will ever hurt them. We think I'll get back at them.

But all that happens is we cause far more negativity in ourselves than what we can cause to them. How is that? Because, basically, whenever we are resentful, whenever we are angry, whenever we are filled with a grudging attitude, then all that creates negativity within us. And that negativity is so much life goes through, so much we go through, but we just can't think about it because we are mentally somewhere else.

We don't experience life. And even if we get back at that person, even if we take a revenge, okay, I got back, but not after that. Okay, it's over.

Now, usually, we get back at that person and then that person also wants to get back at us. It just goes on. Now, how to respond to people when they hurt us, that is a whole different subject.

And we'll discuss that in a later class. Basically, speaking, when somebody has hurt us, there are three broad responses that you can have. One is we just change ourselves and tolerate.

The second is we change the situation or change the person. The third is we walk away from the situation, walk away from the person, walk away from the relationship. Now, it is not that one is right and the other is wrong.

When we are saying that we shouldn't be resentful, it doesn't mean that we should always tolerate whatever anyone else is doing. And we should just let them triumph over us. No, not at all.

The point is that we shouldn't let that person mentally dominate us, mentally control us. Now, all these three ways of acting, changing ourselves and tolerating, acting to change the other person and walking away, all these three are valid responses in different situations. In the Mahabharata, the Pandavas demonstrate all these three responses at different times.

Initially, when they come to the kingdom, which belongs to them actually, but Duryodhana, their cousin was expected to become the king. And then, next Duryodhana, when he sees himself displaced from the centre of attention, the centre of affection, he becomes very envious and starts plotting. Although, he was a teenager at that time.

By the way, just a reminder, sometimes I tend to become very fast in my speaking. So, if any of you find that I am speaking too fast for you to understand, please raise your hand and let me know. I have, I usually have on my computer a slide saying slow down.

But my computer was stolen in America from somebody else's computer. I don't have that slide here. So, if any of you find that I am speaking fast, please just raise your hand and let me know.

I can slow down with that. Was I too fast till now? So, So, initially, when Duryodhana tries to poison the Bhima, later on, they try to Duryodhana arranges that Pandavas are attempted to be burned alive. Throughout it all, the Pandavas had Yudhishthira says, this is a family matter, don't escalate it.

Just don't do it. It all needs to be done. But then, later on, when when the Pandavas' wife Draupadi is publicly disowned and the Kauravas showed more repentance at all, then Pandavas just said, under Krishna's guidance, that now the time for action has come and they fight a war.

They fight a war to make sure that Dharma, the rule of virtue is established. So, the Bhagavad Gita on one level, it tells Arjuna to tolerate. In 2.14 in the Gita, Krishna says that temporary things, pleasure is temporary, pain is temporary.

Just tolerate it. Don't get worked up about it. Although Krishna is telling Arjuna to tolerate pleasure and pain, Krishna doesn't.

The same Bhagavad Gita tells Arjuna to fight a war. Now, I'll come to this point later, but Krishna does not tell Arjuna to fight for getting revenge. Later on, Krishna says in the 11th chapter, 55th verse, fight without any feeling of animosity towards anyone.

So, he fights. The Pandavas are not fighting to take revenge. They are fighting to establish Dharma.

They are fighting to establish Dharma. So, at that time, although Krishna is telling Arjuna to tolerate, that doesn't mean he should tolerate the atrocities of the Pandavas or the Kauravas. So, at that time, they take action.

So, taking action is also a valid form of response. And later on, the Pandavas, when Krishna departs from the world, when Krishna departs from the world, at that time, the Pandavas decide, enough, we are also leaving. Just walk away.

Leave the kingdom and renounce the world. Enough of this entanglement in politics. Enough of this.

Krishna has sent us for a mission. It's done. Krishna has departed.

We will depart. Now, walking away is different from running away. Now, when we run away from problems, our primary focus is where we are going away from.

Now, I want to be anywhere except here. So, although I am running away here, I am running away from here, still, what is here is dominating my consciousness. I am running primarily because of fear.

And usually, running away doesn't solve problems. Simply, the problems will come back in some other form. Now, walking away, on the other hand, means that I understand I have better things to do in my life.

This particular problem, this particular issue is too messy. It's not worth the time to fight. It's not worth the time to resolve.

Just forget it and move on in life. So, when we walk away from a problem, it is because we understand there is a higher purpose to life. It is not because this problem is so difficult, I run away from it.

It is because this problem is difficult. I can tackle it if I want to, but it's not worth the effort. So, just walk away from this situation.

Now, all three are valid responses, but none of these three will be valid if we hold on to a resentful attitude. Now, when we hold on to a resentful attitude and we tolerate this resentful attitude, I keep tolerating one thing, two things, three things, four things, and eventually that resentment will explode. Explode.

Sometimes when we speak something another person suddenly explodes. It's a small thing. But for them, that one small thing was just a tip of a mountain.

So many other things are climbing up. They are piling up in their consciousness. Then they explode.

So, if we don't process that resentment, we let it pile up. It'll crush us. It'll burden us.

It'll crush us. We'll start feeling sorry for ourselves. We'll wallow in self-pity.

So, if that negative emotion is not processed, if I'm tolerating with resentment, then we'll just be crushed by negativity, by self-pity. On the other hand, if I act to change things but I'm acting resentful, then basically we'll usually end up complicating matters. Because the resentment will not allow us to think rationally.

And instead of resentment, we'll do things on which the other person is not able to see why we are so angry. We'll simply make things worse. And even if we go away, we'll be running away from the problem.

And since the problem will dominate, why did they do that? How could they have done that? Why did this have to happen to me? So, all three responses can be valid if they are done with proper understanding, with proper deliberation. All the responses, tolerating, changing, or walking away, all three can become counterproductive if they are done with resentment. Now, how do we deal with resentment? Now, specifically, various measures we'll be talking about in tomorrow's class.

But at this point, we just need to understand without any doubt that resentment is harmful. The mind sometimes is so perverse that it likes to make a martyr out of us. You know, I suffer and then I think, oh, I've suffered so much for you.

I've suffered so much for them. Well, there is every relationship involves some trouble, some amount of tolerance, some amount of trouble. But, sometimes you just pile up trouble and also you think, I'm so great because I'm doing this.

And then, although we think like that, we are feeling very resentful internally. So, resentment is harmful. Grudging is harmful.

It is, even if we get back at others and we hurt others, that's not going to help because we have hurt ourselves far more and when we hurt other person, they are also going to get back. That also won't hurt us. So, when we are hurt by something which causes resentment, the first thing is not to get back.

The first thing is to get safe. Get back at others. Get back at others means, if you don't do it like this, I will do it ten times more.

When we think like that, we are consumed by the negativity of others. So, suppose somebody bites us, a snake comes and bites us, we are walking along the road, a snake bites us. Now, when the snake bites, I suddenly feel severe pain and I see the snake standing in front of me.

You snake, how dare you bit me? Now, I will beat you. I start running after the snake to catch it and to crush it with my feet. Now, even if I read the snake and I start pounding it, even if I crush it and I crush it to death, what is happening? Actually, in the process of running and pounding, the poison is spreading through my body and I may kill the snake, but I will kill myself.

The snake has to be dangerous. If it is a danger, it has to be handled. But right now, if the snake has bitten me, my first goal is to get safe.

Get safe means get the poison out of my system. After I get the poison out of my system, the source of the poison, I will deal with appropriately. I can go and kill the snake or somebody else can be called to kill the snake or somebody may come and take the snake and put it in an enclosure.

Whatever needs to be done, we will do it afterwards. Similarly, when something goes wrong, the first thing we need to do is we have to get rid of the resentment. Now, usually we think of emotions only in two terms.

Either we express the emotion or we repress the emotion. If somebody has hurt me, we become angry and we vent out, explode at that. Or sometimes we repress, I am not sick.

Now, the Bhagavad Gita explains that we need to go beyond expressing emotions and repressing emotions to processing emotions. We need to process our emotions. Process means that we have to dispassionately be able to think about the emotion.

Okay, this is the emotion, what caused it? And then how should I deal with it? So the impulsive reaction to it is usually not a beneficial reaction. When we resent, when we become angry, we just vent out the emotion. When we repress the emotion, we are trying to wish away or deny the emotion.

Neither is going to work. The emotion is there and when I express it, usually it makes things worse. When I deny it, it's there.

How can I wish it away? It's there. So we have to process it. And the whole process of processing emotions is what Bhakti Yoga is about.

Bhakti Yoga centres on purifying our emotions. When our emotions are purified at that time, we also can process our emotions better. The Bhagavad Gita is not just about chanting Hare Krishna in the temple.

It's about developing inner awareness by which we understand our emotions. We have to become conscious of our consciousness. We become conscious of our consciousness.

What kind of emotions are coming? Why are they coming? What is the appropriate response to them? When we do this, then we will be able to process them and after processing, we will be able to decide how best to respond to it. Resentment is something which we need to give up. Resentment giving up doesn't mean that we become passive.

It simply means that we don't let the negativity we are driving us. We let the negativity deal with it. We stimulate our intelligence and using our intelligence we appropriately deal with the situation.

Usually, with respect to physical issues, as I said, when the software is jammed, my computer is cracked, it's very easily visible. Similarly, if I have a fracture in my hand, it's very easily visible. But when there is a mental pattern that is harmful, it is not so easy to see that.

Resentment, the process for curing resentment, it begins with recognising that it is harmful. After recognising resentment is harmful, we can send resentment on retirement. We can send it out of our consciousness.

Now, how to do that, that we'll discuss tomorrow. I'll summarise right now, and then we can have some.