From misunderstanding to understanding – Rama katha 2
Hare Krishna Thank all of you for coming here today evening And, we are discussing on the topic of Lord Ram's pastimes centred on the theme of from misunderstanding to understanding So, this is the second part of the second half In the first session, we discussed about how between Vali and Sugriva, the misunderstanding resulted because of judging without understanding Vali ascribed wrong motives to Sugriva and thus, brothers and friends became lifelong enemies Today, we discussed in earlier part of 4.30 to 5.30 about how misunderstanding can result when we speak words without understanding the situation So, on one side, basically, in any misunderstanding there are two people there is one person who does something which the other person misunderstands or one person speaks something which the other person misunderstands, their actions and words Now, we have thoughts we don't know other people's thoughts What we can see is their words and their actions So, based on their actions, we sometimes infer their intentions and based on their words we sometimes infer their intentions When we talk about understanding, understanding is a more internal matter matter of the head and the heart So, based on the words and actions of people, how we perceive those words and actions determines whether we get a proper understanding or we get a misunderstanding So, I was discussing the incident of Sita being abducted by Rama and that way, focussing primarily on how Maricha tricked allure Sita and then he sidetracked Rama So, Shurpanakha had this whole thing going on She wanted herself to be avenged and so she manipulated Rama and then Rama threatened Maricha either you cooperate or I will kill you and Maricha she started thinking seems that my time is over now A. If I try to trick Rama, Rama will kill me B. If I don't if I don't follow what Rama is saying, Rama will kill me She started thinking if death is going to come which death is better? Now, is death at the hands of Rama better or is it at the hands of Rama better? Now, different commentators in the Ramayana give different reports to his reasoning He thought that he thought better to die at the hands of Rama If we die in the presence of Rama, thinking about Rama then we can attain liberation So, at one level, this is spiritual thinking thinking that okay, what is going to happen to me after death, now I can get the most auspicious state At the same time, this is at another level, we see this is not a very service-orientated thinking He is thinking that what will happen to me after death And he is seeing Rama simply as a tool to get a good destination after death He is not thinking about the service of Rama He is actually participating in a scheme that is against that is working against Rama So, we understand that the same character and actions can be understood in different perspectives So, Maharaja had a demon-like element within him He was a demon His demonic element is considered to be subsided At least he was thinking about something long-term like liberation But still, demons are characterised by self-centred thinking So, he was not thinking about how he can serve the Lord So, we see Jatayu also thought that Jatayu when Sita was being abducted Sita called out to Jatayu and when she saw the Jatayu she told Jatayu that please inform Rama that Rama is kidnapped Jatayu said, moving towards that is an outward stop and Sita screamed to him, don't interrupt me She said, you are too old Rama is too powerful, he will kill me Don't interrupt me But what did Jatayu think? Jatayu thought, how can I serve Rama? How can I protect Sita? How can I stand by when the Goddess of Fortune is being abducted? So, he was not thinking of liberation He was thinking about how best to serve Rama And what happened? Although he did not succeed in stopping Sita when she was abducted He eventually, by all means he left his body in the Lord's lap and the Lord personally performed last rites for him So actually even from a spiritual perspective we can become very self-centred as Hindus How can I best serve Krishna? And whatever it takes for Srila Prabhupada if he had been spiritually self-centred he could have just chanted Hare Krishna, Nirmala Krishna, Nirmala and he would have been called Krishna's devotee Prabhupada was concerned not just about his liberation, he was concerned about the world's emanation and that's why he left Vrindavan to come to America and to go all over the world Actually, to say that Sri Prabhupada left Vrindavan is an incomplete understanding because a devotee may leave Vrindavan but Vrindavan never leaves the devotee Vrindavan lives in the heart of the devotee and wherever the devotee goes, Vrindavan manifests So in Vrindavan there are Radha Shamsuni devotees and by Sri Prabhupada's mercy here we have Radha Shamsuni So this is Sri Prabhupada's mercy and dedication of all of you by which Vrindavan is manifesting here in central New Jersey Sri Prabhupada was not just concerned about his own self, he was concerned about the whole liberation, he was concerned about the world's emanation. So in that sense Manisha's calculation was spiritual, but it was not selflessly spiritual.
It was spiritual but selfishly spiritual What will be my destination? Not thinking about how can I survive Anyway He came and allured Sita and I explained how Sita was thinking about Oh I can have a pet for the last year of the forest and I can offer this special deer as a gift to Kaushik when we return back and she begged to implore to please get this deer Lakshmi was suspicious but Ram did not have the heart to meet Sita So Ram started chasing, chasing chasing and this deer just appeared, disappeared and led Ram far into the forest Now all this was a conspiracy going on Ravana wanted Ram to be so far away that if Sita when he was trying to win Sita over if somehow Sita screamed or called out her power should not reach him So Manisha led Ram far into the forest and then finally Ram realised Manisha is not a deer it's a demon disappearing, doing all kinds of mystic tricks then Ram decided to punish this deer for trying to trick him and he took an arrow and shot Now this deer tried to escape the arrow but one of the names of Lord Ram is Amoghakeshara Amoghakeshara means his arrows never go in vain they never go waste the arrow unerringly hit the target and the creature fell in the pond Now he had planned it all till the last moment, as soon as the arrow hit him, he was in pain but he had planned it in such a way that in pain he started screaming in the voice of Ram Sita, Lakshman he called out Now this Manisha was not just an impersonator impersonator means one who can take on many forms he was also a person who was a mind he could mimic many voices so he exactly spoke in Ram's voice and because he was a demon he had powerful lungs and his call resonated all around the forest and it reached the place where Sita was there with Lakshman and when Sita heard this Lakshman, Sita Sita was horrified initially although Lakshman had told her this looks like a demon Sita had not believed him but when she saw how fast the deer ran away and how far for how long Ram had gone she had also started becoming nervous she was naturally concerned about her Ram when she heard this call she became frantic with Ram she said Lakshman, Ram is in danger please go and help him so Lakshman was angry Lakshman told Sita don't worry nobody can threaten Ram I know this call nobody in the whole world or the three worlds can ever threaten Ram Ram is in no danger Sita said can't you hear you heard just now Ram calling out to you for help that is not Ram that must be this demon Maricha who, now Lakshman had been very vigilant, so he knew which were the major demons and he knew some demons had this capacity to change forms so he said this must be the demon who has changed his form and he is now calling out the voice of Ram don't worry Ram will soon come back Sita said no what if Ram is in danger he must go Lakshman said no this is a trick of the demons if I go then I am disloving Ram not only that Ram had told him if I leave you you will be under threat this is a trick of the demons he said no what trick are you talking about what is the use of protecting me Ram is in danger go right away Lakshman was consoling her Lakshman was trying to reassure her at the same time Lakshman was moving Ram is in no danger don't fall for this trick of the demons Lakshman tried to make her she said first this demon tricked you with the irons now the demon is tricking you with the irons first it came attractive you thought it was a deer but it was a demon now it is coming in your sound you think it is Ram but it is a demon she started thinking what Ram is saying what Lakshman is saying but again the call of Lakshman which is resonating in her mind but what if Ram is in danger what if Ram is wounded, what if Ram means you are hurt what if anything happens to him just because you did not go and meet him please go right now Lakshman said I will go I will take care of it Sita became so frantic with her she said to Ram she said to Lakshman word she had never contemplated before she had never even considered but at that time under the frantic state of worry she said somehow the other wanted Lakshman to go and she said pick something, anything she said now I understand why you came with Ram in the first if your intention was to serve Ram protect Ram, you would be going there to assist him right now the fact that you are not going to assist Ram when he is in danger that means your intention was never to protect Ram you had an evil eye on me and you were just waiting for an opportunity to get me for yourself she said no I always belong to Ram I will die before I let you touch him Lakshman was shattered Lakshman had never even entertained such thoughts he says Sita you don't know what you are speaking the words that you were speaking had cut to me more bitterly than the deepest small wounds that I have endured in war please don't speak such words Sita was Sita was just so frantic with Lakshman she just did not hear anything when our emotions take control we just get caught in the spell of emotions Lakshman you will never be able to touch me I will die but I will not let you touch me your evil intentions will never succeed this is going on and on Lakshman just could not be able with the words he could not be able with the words he said he did not want to leave Sita at the same time he could not tolerate the words he told Sita the words you have spoken are intolerable therefore I am leaving I know this is a conspiracy they did this and I fear that when I come back you will not be here please stop speaking this Sita was just in a state when he just continued speaking and then in despair Lakshman thought what to do and he took his sacred weapons and he made a circle protecting Sita please I am going for your protection my duty is to protect you therefore I will make a circle whatever happens don't step out of the circle and then he went away he charged into the forest now Ram was deep into the forest and as soon as he heard the demon speaking Lakshman he understood what happened he understood that this whole thing had been a conspiracy and he immediately turned around and started charging back through the forest to come back to where Sita was because he realised if Lakshman leaves then Sita would be annihilated he was running back through the forest and Lakshman was running through into the forest and they met in the middle and when they met in the middle Lakshman was still recovering from the accusation that Sita had hit him and Ram saw Lakshman and as soon as Ram saw Lakshman he said why did you leave Sita I told you not to leave Sita Lakshman explained to Sita Lakshman explained to Ram this was what Sita was trying to say you should not have taken her words so seriously as they were talking they were just running back he said she spoke something why did you take her words so seriously you should have stayed there Lakshman was trying to explain they charged back as fast as they could and by that time when they reached the whole cottage was empty and they could see signs of struggle as they saw huge footsteps of some demon and small groups of Sita as she was running trying to escape and they realised with their disbelief that they had reached no limit now ultimately we understand that Ram, Sita, Lakshman they are all conservative actors and whatever is happening it's a Deela it's a Deela means it is done by the law orchestrated by the law for demonstrating for the reciprocation of law for demonstrating certain pastimes of law so it is not for us to judge when Sita was wrong in speaking those words or Lakshman was wrong in taking those words very seriously our point is we can learn from these for our moral education Rama Madhvacharya in his commentary on the Vedanta Sutra he explains the Itihasas can be understood at three levels first is the literal we just hear the stories and just hearing the stories, reciting the stories that will purify our minds in the Valmiki Ramayana it says just hearing the story just hearing the story can free us from great sins so one is just when you do Rama Madhvacharya, you just hear it it will purify us the second level of understanding this is the ethical level ethical level means that we study these pastimes to learn how we should act and how we should not act to get some ethical guidelines in this situation what I should do what I should not now when we are learning the ethical guidelines our focus should not be on who is right and who is wrong our focus should be on what we can learn because these characters often they are orchestrated by the will of the law to act in particular ways so it's not a question of saying that this character was right and this character is wrong, rather what we can learn in this situation this is the right course of action this is the wrong course of action but for the Lord's pastimes, the characters are not right or wrong, ultimately everybody is doing the right thing because they are serving the law they are being orchestrated by His will so we can learn at the ethical level what is right and what is wrong and thirdly is also at the spiritual or the symbolic level, the metaphorical level spiritual level means we understand this is the supreme law and that He is demonstrating eternal existence so for example there is a Vaishnavacharya Govindaraj, he explains one knows that how Lanka represents the border Sita is the Sun and Ravana is like the Moon Lakshma is like the Guru the Lakshmanrekha is like the Guru the Guru's guidelines so when the spiritual master gives us some guidelines, when we live within those guidelines, we stay protected but when we neglect those guidelines then the Ravana like Moon abducts us it abducts us and takes us far away from the law into material consciousness into metapodical consciousness so Sita is trapped in Lanka all around there is water she could not come out of it she is trapped over there, like that we get trapped in bodily consciousness in this material world and how does it happen? when we, instead of listening to the spiritual master, we start listening to the mind and we start taking the mind seriously acting according to the mind so when that happens so this is a this is a metaphorical the metaphorical readings they can be used to the extent that they sublimate the literal readings not that they the Ramayana is a historical event long long time ago it happened millennia ago and just as I said the first literal level, just by hearing it you will be able to compute it but additionally along with it we can take some metaphorical understandings also Srila Prabhupada was very concerned about metaphorical readings being used to replace the literal readings the literal readings are also historical and they are important wherever the metaphorical readings can supplement the literal readings then let us find Srila Prabhupada himself gives an example of this in the 10th canto when he says that in Devaki's womb, there are 6 children and then after that the 7th and the 8th child are born so he says the 6 children represent the Anarthas first the Anarthas go out of our heart and shudder to Kaam, Akrodh, Loh, Bho, Madhvach, Sarve Last Anger, Greed, Envy, Pride and Illusion these go out of our heart, then Balram represents the Guru so when these 6 Anarthas go out of our heart, then the Guru prepares the heart for Krishna Anand so the 8th child that came to Devaki's womb was Krishna so like that Prabhupada also gives non-literal readings metaphorical readings, but the metaphorical is never at the expense of the literal it is in expansion of the literal, the literal is there and the metaphorical readings are also there so here when Sita is so now we are discussing this in this particular pastime we are focussing on the ethical level literally here we get purified at the ethical level, what can we learn? so quite often the words that people speak are words that we speak so the words are the windows to the heart when people speak, we understand what is in their heart they are windows to the head also sometimes people look very intelligent when they start speaking, they are speaking Puri Shankar or sometimes a person looks like a fool when he starts speaking, he is an intelligent person so words basically reveal to some extent the inner world of a person, their head, their heart so in that sense words are windows at the same time some windows just like some windows are dirty then if you look inside you get a distorted picture you can't see much sometimes in a car there are windows in which you can only see from inside to outside people from outside can't see what is inside sometimes some people speak in a way that they don't put their cards on table they speak in a way that other person is like what are you thinking? they just don't understand so basically the words are windows to the heart in general so words, they can foster understanding but sometimes the same words can act as walls words can actually act as tools for understanding but sometimes words can be spoken in a way that they can block understanding words can become like blocks and every word that we speak if there is a misunderstanding between two people then every word that people speak, the more we speak, the more sometimes there are misunderstandings so every word that is spoken can become like an additional brick in the wall and the wall becomes thicker and taller and nothing seems to be able to project it so basically words can be tools of communication and words can also be tools of obfuscation obfuscate, block the meaning confuse the meaning, hide the meaning distort the meaning so normally we all need to learn how to speak to speak the power of speaking is not so much in terms of fluency sometimes we may feel that oh I am not so fluent at my speech and we may see other people who are very fluent and we feel, oh if only I had this fluency I could communicate so effectively I could influence so many people, I could get so many things done however in this world, there is no pure blessing everything that is a blessing can also be a curse so sometimes people who speak very fluently they also speak too much and too thoughtlessly because they can speak so fluently just keep speaking, keep speaking what did I speak? I shouldn't have spoken that sometimes people who are not so fluent at speaking they need time to think their thoughts gather their thoughts and express their thoughts and that time they realise maybe I shouldn't speak this at all actually speaking we all have been given a natural protector for our relationships we all can only hear the word that people speak we can't see into other's minds sometimes if only I could see this person's mind I would know what they are thinking actually if we could see into other's minds practically no relationship would be sustained all of us, our minds are uncontrollable how dare you think like this so actually nature has given us protection that we can't look into other people's minds so what is the purpose of this? that thoughts may come in our mind but many times thoughts just come and they go so it's not that every thought that comes in our mind, we have to verbalise it or that we take it very seriously so people who are not very fluent there is a significant distance for them between the thought in their head and the word on their lips but there are some people who are like whatever thought comes in their head there is not even 10 seconds between the thought coming out of their mouth so when they are like that they are often quite indiscreet and then they start speaking and sometimes what happens, we speak something and which may be quite hurting for the other person and then because so many thoughts come in our head and we speak them so easily we speak something that hurts the other person and we forget also we have spoken and then that person will be like, no how did you speak like this about me and then after we may go through a lot of hard work, how could they speak like this about me and then we say, ok, I will forget it and we may go and say I forgive you, forgive, for what? what did I do? what did I do to forgive you? you spoke like that, I spoke like that it's like you shot an arrow, pierced my heart and you don't even remember you shot the arrow it can be very outrageous it can be very hurtful for a person so actually the words that we speak are like arrows once an arrow is shot it cannot be pulled back oh sorry, sorry, no the arrow don't go to the destination it doesn't work like that once a word is spoken, they are going to go they are just out of our control so the words are in control before they come on the tongue once they come on the tongue they are not happy they get their own power and where they will go whom they will hit normal arrow will go to a particular distance but the arrow of words how far it will go, we can't because we speak to one person and then they speak to a second person, they speak to a third person they speak to a fourth person and nowadays again with internet available normally sometimes we may have a normal conversation with someone and that person may be recording the conversation and that person tells it over here, tells it over there it becomes actually we have to learn to be very careful in our speech and sometimes we ourselves if we get very angry and we speak certain things and that person records our speech and afterward they show this so I spoke this how could I speak this sometimes in the spell of anger we speak such things that we ourselves are afraid how could I have spoken this so there are many different traditional sayings in the in the 11th canto of the Srimad Bhagavatam it is said that we can learn from different sources Shruti, Pratyaksham, Aitiham Anumaneshw Jatusthe Pramaneshwala Sthana Ganpat Samajam we can learn from Shruti, we can learn from scripture Pratyaksham, we can learn from practical experience Anuman we can learn from inference this has happened to 10 people like this this can happen to me also 11th is inference and Anuman is Aitiham Aitiham is historical so in every culture there are proverbs there are good sayings and these often contain some history so we can learn from there also so there are sayings like words can cut deeper than swords so actually words can hurt a lot and so when we are speaking from our perspective we should always try to be as careful as possible about what we speak all the more so when we are speaking negative about something sometimes some people have done something wrong and we have to speak about it but when we are speaking negative especially it is important to be cautious because we speak one thing to one person then we go to second person, third person, fourth person and we go far in that and people can be terribly hurt so as I said when I was talking about the pastime of Sita and Lakshmana we are not trying to hear judge who is right and who is wrong we are simply trying to learn so from our perspective if you consider what Sita said we should learn not to speak even when we are carried away by emotions at that time we should try to refrain from speaking if we speak then we may speak things which we will bitterly regret after this and this is from one perspective so the Bhagavad Gita says anudveg karambakhyam svadhyadhya vanmayantapa he says when we speak, Krishna has many ways in which we can regulate the power of our speaking the first thing he says is anudveg karambakhyam speak in a way that does not agitate others that does not agitate us there is a lot of agitation in this world already everybody is agitated and when we speak if we speak in a way that further agitates others, it may simply increase the misery so of course sometimes we may have to speak things which are going to agitate others but there is a way to speak philosophy also has to be spoken as sensitively he says when we are preaching he says preaching means to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the comforted what does that mean? if somebody in the family a loved one has passed away and then we go there to console them at that time somebody is afflicted, somebody is distressed so we have to come up so the soul is secure wherever the loved one has gone under the shelter of God if we pray to console them at that time to encourage them that's what Krishna does when a baby passes away sometimes when in the name of being philosophical what happens is instead of comforting the afflicted so that's one aspect and the other aspect is instead of comforting the afflicted we afflict the affected that means somebody is in distress because their loved one has passed away actually everything is temporary this relative has passed away, others are also going to pass away you are all alone in this world a person will get traumatised by that a preacher has to know what to speak on so if somebody is distressed, somebody is afflicted at that time we have to comfort them of course there is other aspect also if somebody is very comfortable we have to afflict the comforted that means Krishna Prabhupada when he came to America he says you are young Americans do you think you are very poor, very wealthy very young, very good looking very happy Prabhupada is an example of preaching John F. Kennedy says he had all this moral what happened? one bullet, it's all over land is terrible don't think that your material success is going to protect you focus on preaching so there is a time if people are good or bad we have to afflict them but preaching means that it's not just speaking Krishna's message it's speaking Krishna's message in a way that attracts people to Krishna's so what is appropriate content and what is not so the point is that when we are speaking we try to relate as much as it is possible and not just give verbal and then thoughts come in our mind but on the other side from Lakshmana's perspective Lakshmana had genuine he felt terribly hurt by what Sita spoke but he never held it against Sita he never she spoke like this that's why she deserved to be at peace he never spoke even when Lakshmana and Sita met again after Ram won the war Lakshmana never brought this up you spoke like that so actually speaking if somehow we love someone who loves us if somehow in the heat of a moment we speak something we don't have to hold it against them something some words are spoken just let them pass if we hold people's words against them then it makes them unnecessary defensive and it creates a block in our relationship so we don't have to ascribe intention to what is spoken intention when a person is in tension he speaks certain things you don't have to ascribe intention you must be thinking like this about me under the spell of anger we may all under the spell of anger, pressure, worry we speak certain things it is said that anger is like temper of insanity when people become angry just what they speak it's insane they speak certain things so we from our side we should not take people's words to serious so there is a saying also another saying stones and sticks can break my bones but words can't break this is more in the spirit people can speak words but if I don't dwell on the words then how much are they going to hurt me so actually what happens to us when somebody speaks something we just take it too seriously take it too seriously means we keep thinking about it keep replaying those words in our head you spoke like this about me you spoke like this about me one of the favourite fantasies of the passionate mind is revenge fantasy you spoke like this to me wait I will speak something about you especially now if you see many on many websites there is facility for commenting and commenting you know one person makes a nasty comment another person makes even a more snarky comment and this person comes back and makes even more nasty comment and this goes on and on and on so people people get shaton nishkriti kohalasa krishnasetna there are some kind of people in the mode of ignorance they think expertise in insulting others is a sign of cleverness the more sarcastic I can be the more I can cut others with my word the cleverer I am actually life is cutting everyone we don't have to add to others words expertise is as Krishna said speak in a way that does not agitate others speak in a way that encourages others so sometimes people speak things somebody speaks some words I have to keep thinking about that in general we all have a tendency to take offence to within we have a tendency to take offence to within that means somebody speaks, how dare you speak about it so I'll conclude with three different ways in which we can avoid taking offence because of people's words first thing is that most of the time when people speak harshly to us it's not about us something else had happened somewhere in their life and somehow they are venting out that anger against us so if you just understand, it's not about you when Siddha made that grievous accusation against Lakshmi it was not about Lakshmi she had not thought that Lakshmi is like this the point was she wanted she felt that Ram is in danger and Ram should be protected, something should be done and somehow she wanted to goad Lakshmi into action so if you just think even if somebody is speaking something about me if say our mistake is very minor, there is no mistake but if somebody is speaking harshly, brutally about us the first thing you can do is it's not about you something else is going on it just happened that I was there at that time and that anger whatever was there, pent up from wherever, it just came on me so that way now of course that expression of anger is inappropriate and that needs to be dealt with but at that time if you take it personally if you take it too seriously then it creates a ruckus so it's not about most of the times no if we actually came to know what people are going through we find everybody has their tensions, everybody has their worries everybody is going through difficult things in their life and sometimes some people just have a bad day and at the end of a bad day suddenly we have to come and do something wrong and they explode so if you just understand, it's not about you if you understand this point, then we can operate taking it personally and Lakshmi also understood this she understood it was because of the concern of Ram she was speaking but at that point she's gone the second reflection that we can have is that actually this is an opportunity for me to make my relationship centred not just on this person but centred on Lakshmi that means if this person is speaking in a really bad way I can hit back at it I can also hit back at it in a worse way but what if he is Krishna normally when we consider a relationship we think okay, you are speaking like this I will do like this there is a tip for that you do like this, I will do like that but that is simply a mundane relationship spiritual relationship means we understand that actually we are not just connected to that person we are connected to Krishna if you understand that in this situation, how can you please Krishna what reaction from me will please Krishna if you think that then I won't expect any change now Krishna also knows Krishna knows how that person will behave with you Krishna also knows how much that person is going to progress but Krishna knows he is in our heart and he is seeing how we are acting so if we bring Krishna in that relationship Upadrishta, Mantra Krishna is overseeing and observing everything if we bring Krishna in that relationship, then we will be able to not just act based on how that person is acting but we can act based on our principle of life in serving Krishna so I say a person is there in a cloth shop and in that cloth shop there is an attendant and sometimes when people come to a cloth shop, some customers are very fastidious they look at 100 clothes and they don't take any clothes and the attendants are going to put all the clothes back maybe I am there, they have a lot of work to do at that time so they may get irritated but then the attendant knows that actually my salary is not coming from this customer my salary is coming from my boss and my boss is watching there are cameras and my boss is watching so although I may not make a sale to this customer if I am curious, if I am patient if I am polite, my boss will watch my boss will observe and my boss will appreciate sometimes the attendant may not make any sale but the boss will tell you you are a true customer you know how to handle tough customers and the boss may actually promote the attendant although the attendant doesn't make any sale sometimes when we have a conflict we may not be able to persuade the other person the other person may behave very unpleasantly towards us but even that is an opportunity for us to grow because Krishna also knows that we are going through a difficult situation and if we tolerate the difficult situation Krishna is pleased but giving Krishna in the perspective we can avoid reacting vindictive a third reflection that we can have is that actually there are times when I have also spoken and and we can think that okay it takes two hands to clap so this person is if I speak like that it will mean so let me take a humble position let me take a proper position and this is an opportunity for me to exhibit the virtue of humility so you know, humility is something which is often needed but I don't want to be humble but how can we become humble one way when we can actually exercise humility is when someone insults us someone speaks harshly to us at that time the question is not whether they are right or wrong when people's emotions are high at that time it is just not the right time to decide what is right and what is wrong at that time the main thing to do is to get the emotional temperature down when the emotional temperature is high no rational discussion is possible somebody shouts at me how dare you, I shout back and each shout actually raises the emotional temperature and after that by the end of it there is only shouting and no meaning this becomes an ugly shouting match so when we talk about humility the focus is not on what is right or wrong it is not that every time somebody makes a false accusation against us you know we have no need to defend ourselves in every situation at that time just get the emotional temperature down see that as an opportunity to exercise humility we get the emotional temperature down afterwards things have calmed down then a rational discussion is possible then we can shift back to the allegation at that time if we think we want to settle this matter no we can't settle all that we can do is simply aggravate the matter so if we see that as an opportunity for humility now humility has many definitions one definition of humility is that to not let our ego come in the way of our purpose my purpose is ok I know this person well this person loves me, I love them we have a good relationship and I don't want this relationship to be spoiled because of this market so I am not ok this person has made such an accusation against me because he has said such things about me it's natural for me to be angry but that anger is often an expression of my mind so my purpose is to have a healthy relationship my purpose is to have a good relationship, it's not that our emotions we have to crush them, we have to suppress them but the point is we have to make sure that we express our emotions in a way that resolve the issue not aggravate the issue maybe afterwards when you are calm and the other person is calm he can relate to that how hurt he felt about those things but at that time speaking of those things it just makes things worse so when one person has become emotional at that time the other person is rational it doesn't work so the other person also becomes emotional it doesn't work at all so at that time simply get the emotional temperature down and then once the emotional temperature comes down so getting that emotional temperature down is like an exercise in movement all of us I have my self respect I have to protect it yes we may have to protect it but it is not that every single time that somebody speaks something negative immediately I do it there is a time for clarification there is a time for silence we just decide to calm things down and that way we can avoid aggravating the wounds caused by small things by incidental words even if they are grievous accusations so if we do this we find that many of the turbulences that happen in our relationships they give a curve we don't let small things become big small things are there when we it's back and forth just keep calm and then that way we can just cool things down I communicate a lot with people by emails so I have a policy that if somebody does something which angers me then at that time I will write such a reply it will knock you out and then at that time if I just try to silence myself does it work so I will just write down the reply I will write it down but I make sure I don't mail it I keep it there for 24 hours at least and of course I am not always successful sometimes I just speaking about it I hope I will also become more successful but if I keep it for 24 hours and then look at what I have written almost like 50% of the time after 24 hours I will say I don't need to send this reply the remaining 50% of the time also I send the reply this point is good, this point is too harsh this point needs clarification maybe I am being too presumptuous over there I don't know the facts over there so if I have waited for 24 hours it's almost never happened that I send the mail as it is something has changed and what happens at the time of emotion what we speak that is not the best that is actually the worst so our purpose in life is to help each other bring out our best sometimes some person is speaking something terrible about me we understand this is not their best this is their lower self now when their lower self comes out let me see it as an opportunity to bring out my better self if their lower self brings out my lower self they become angry, I become angry they become more angry, I become more angry then we are just bringing out our worst and we simply make the situation worse but if we see that their lower self is an opportunity for me to bring out my better self bringing out my better self means I won't agree with myself let me think, let me calm down let me then decide what to do that way we don't take incidental remarks too seriously and we can that way minimise one's greatness estimated by the capacity to tolerate provoking situations when others speak provocatively about us we can exercise this ability to tolerate and thus we can move towards authentic greatness, not in an egoistic sense but in the sense of actually bringing out the good side in us becoming vehicles for the greatest being God and Jesus through us to become instruments for me to bring His goodness and His greatness into the world and thus we can actually become agents by which we bring out our best and we help others also to bring out their best so if people see look, everybody has a conscience and then when they speak harshly to us, after some time they also react but if they see that we remain tolerant they will appreciate it and over a period of time in the future something you do, I also tolerate and gradually we can help bringing out our best side in each other so I'll summarise I spoke today about how misunderstandings can happen when people speak incidental words which are very harsh but if we ascribe intention to our spoken intention then that aggravates situations so Sita in her frenzy of worry about mom's safety made a grievous accusation against Lakshman because of that, Lakshman left and then Sita was left so when we study the scriptures we can study them at a literal level just to purify ourselves at an ethical level to learn how we should act and at a spiritual level to learn some some further symbolic meanings which supplement the literal meaning not counter the literal meaning and at the ethical level we don't judge the characters in the scriptures as right or wrong we understand that they are orchestrated by God but we can learn what is right action and what is wrong action that's why from both perspectives if we are the if we are the person speaking in a harsh way we can exercise we can exercise austerity to regulate our speech speak in a way that doesn't agitate us even if we are speaking the truth even if we are speaking the absolute truth even if we are speaking philosophy about Krishna, we need to speak in a way that brings the closure to Krishna not reaching Krishna reaching means when people are afflicted we are meant to comfort them, not that we afflict them and of course reaching also means when somebody is complicit, we have to afflict them and show them the reality so we should speak not just the truth, but the truth in a way that attracts people to the truth and sometimes when people speak in a harsh way rather than getting worked up about it we just let it pass and three reflections for letting it pass first is it's not about something else happening in their life because of which they are disturbed I just happen to be the brunt of that and secondly you can see that this is an opportunity to express my devotion to Krishna let me not act simply based on how the other person acted but on how I can do this and thirdly we can see that it's an opportunity to exercise humility rather than letting Krishna defend my ego, let me just calm down and if we, when the other person is on the emotional side if we also become emotional then things become worse so our focus should be to try to decrease the emotional tension and then we can resolve matters so Lakshman never held Sita's words against him so if somebody has spoken something against you, just let them pass don't hold them against and that way we can avoid unnecessary blocks in our relationship and we can have more fulfilling relationships where we, instead of bringing out the worst from each other even if somebody else, their lower side comes out we can bring out our better side and seeing our example, their better side will also come out and that way we can help each other to grow to evolve and bring out the best in us thank you very much.