From Passion to Compassion 3 – Compassion needs to be felt as compassion
Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Om Krishna Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Rama, Hare Rama Rama Rama, Hare Hare Hare Krishna so today we talk about the last part of our series on from Passion to Compassion the first part I talked about how the life of passion leads to distress to devastation, to tribulation. The second part I talk about how the life of devotion is the way from material consciousness to spiritual consciousness.
How we need to have compassion for ourselves. When we want to be gentle with ourselves, when to be harsh with ourselves, we need to know this. And in today's part I talk about how compassion should be felt as compassion.
That means that when we are trying to be compassionate to others, at that time it is important that we not come off as judgemental. Because the tendency in the material world is that the ego tends to feel superior. And ego takes some reason or the other to feel superior to others.
So often our spiritual practises can become the cause of our ego getting inflated. So let's start with a simple example. Suppose somebody has fallen in a well.
And there is somebody outside. That person is walking by. He says, you have fallen in the well.
It's your own bad karma. It's your own fault that you fell in the well. Stay there.
Versus somebody is passing by and this person from the well is trying to crawl out. Hold on to the fingers and climb up. And the person from outside stamps on his fingers.
And the person falls back in the well. The third is that this person has fallen in the well. This person stands out and looks at him.
It's so dirty, it's so filthy. But somehow, I'm so kind to you. I'll tolerate all your dirt, all your filth.
And I'll pull you out. The fourth is that the person outside the well actually goes into the well. And from below lifts the person up.
So the person comes out. So all these are different approaches that a person may have for somebody who is in distress. When we talk about compassion, the Bhagavatam focusses on the point that material consciousness is like the bottom of the well.
Where there are various kinds of distresses. And spiritual consciousness is somebody who has come out of the well, who is free. Who is free from worldly cravings, who is free from worldly anxieties.
And is thereby better situated. So naturally, a person who is more comfortable, who is more happy, who is more well situated, would like to help someone who is at a lesser situation. Vishwanath Shri Prabhupada was asked, what is the motivation for preaching? Prabhupada gave different answers at different times.
One answer he gave is, suppose somebody is sick. And the person has been sick for a long time. They have tried many treatments.
Nothing seems to have worked. Finally, they found a treatment that works. And they are getting better by that.
So then, if they meet someone else who is suffering from the same sickness, they would naturally want to share. This is a medicine that has worked for me. Why don't you try it? So similarly, as devotees, we have found that actually our own mind and senses, which cause so much agitation and tribulation for us, they have become relatively calmer by the practise of bhakti.
And naturally, we would like others who are distressed to also get this benefit. Everybody is struggling with the mind and the senses in this world. And if somebody can be relieved, that is a great blessing for them.
So this medical metaphor is very helpful in two ways. One is, if I am going to tell, this is a medicine that has worked for me, please take it. There is no sense of superiority in it.
No sense of moral judgement or moral superiority. And even when we are talking with somebody else, we see them as not bad people, but as sick people. So the judgmentality aspect can be avoided if we see ourselves as sharers of a process that has worked for us and that can work for others also.
The metaphor that is more commonly used is of a surgeon. A surgeon often has to cut. And in scriptures we often say that sadhus' words are meant to cut illusion.
And people have misconceptions, sadhus' words cut those misconceptions and then people become enlightened by that. It is true that we do have to challenge people's conceptions. But when a surgeon goes to a patient, or more often a patient comes to a surgeon to take treatment, there is a significant difference.
There are four broad differences, which need to be like qualifications, which need to have us being cautious. When a patient comes to a surgeon, the patient knows that I am sick. Most people in the material world are such that they don't feel that I am sick.
The nature of Maya is, the nature of illusion is that illusion covers us and then covers the covering. So that we don't even know we are covered. It's like if right now I am talking with you and somebody just threw a cloth on my face, then I would get blinded, I will try to pull out the cloth.
But suppose that cloth was such that it didn't blind me, it just distorted my vision. So I start seeing something which is actually not the reality. Then I would think that I am seeing, but actually I am not seeing as it is.
So in the material world, Maya, the forces of illusion, don't just cover us. They actually, they don't just blind us, they give us a different vision. And that vision is at variation from reality.
How much variation? That will depend on which mode we are in. The mode of goodness, mode of passion, mode of ignorance. So the facts may remain the same, but the inference from those facts will vary depending on the covering that we are in.
In spiritual circles, often we may say that actually the life is temporary, youth is temporary. Don't waste, fritter time away. Focus on spiritual life.
So I saw, once I was going to Mayapur, I was in Kolkata. So I saw an ad. It said, enjoy before you become a dirty old man.
So the idea is, the same fact that youth is temporary, that life is temporary, the phase for enjoyment is temporary, we may take that and a materialistic person may think that, just enjoy before you lose it. The spiritualist may say, you are going to lose it, why chase it now? Look for something eternal. So the covering of Maya is such that it doesn't blind us, it distorts our vision.
And because of that most people don't feel that there is anything wrong with them. So they, it may be said that a surgeon is meant to operate a patient. But if the patient doesn't know that the patient is sick, then it becomes much more difficult.
Not only that, even if we say that the patient is sick and the surgeon doesn't, the patient doesn't know, surgeon knows, so surgeon has to operate. But even then the surgeon, operation, or in medicine, doing an operation is never the first course of action. It is usually the last course of action.
First try some oral medication, maybe try some injection, try various forms of therapy, and when nothing works, then try surgery. Similarly, we are meant to be compassionate to others. It means, what are we using in the context of surgery over here? That people have certain conceptions, which may be wrong, which we may need to correct.
But while correcting those conceptions, it's important that we do it in a way that is illuminating for them. It is not just agitating and alienating for them. So, first a relationship has to be built.
Before any kind of spiritual knowledge can be shared, the audience has to feel that we are their well-wishers. In the early days when Shri Prabhupada went to America, his accent was so Bengali, that many of his audience could not understand what he was saying. But they could sense his affection.
They could feel that he cared. And that's what kept them coming. And eventually they understood his message.
They started applying the things. So, before the surgery can be done, before we can be compassionate to people in any way, first they have to sense that we are their well-wishers. And that requires learning to suspend our judgmentality.
Suspend our judgmentality means that when we start practising spirituality, especially in terms of the application in terms of culture, this is to be done, this is not to be done, we should eat this, we should not eat this, when we do these things, often those who are not doing those things, we start looking down at them. You are like this, you are like that. There is a subtle difference between, we could use the word discernment or discrimination.
The word discrimination has a negative connotation. There is a difference between discerning and judging. Discernment means that if I am sick, I understand that this food is not good for me.
This food is okay for me. This particular environment is not good for me. This environment is good for me.
That is discernment. But judging means I put myself on a higher pedestal. You are dumb, you are like this, you are like this.
So, for us as sadhakas, discerning is important. But judging is undesirable. Judging is alienating.
So, when we want to help others come to Krishna, the important thing is that, firstly, for us to be seen as well-wishers, we may be well-wishers, but for them to see us as well-wishers, we have to suspend our judgemental mentality. Approach everyone as souls who are parts of Krishna. What the external level of that soul is, is not that important.
Vishal Prabhupada, when he went to America, if he had wanted to be judgemental, for the hippies in those days, the only regulative principle was to break all regulative principles. Sinful language is normal for them. And, in general, from the Brahmanical perspective, the western culture, western civilisation is considered degraded.
But the hippies were considered degraded even by Americans. So, Prabhupada went and lived among those who were considered degraded even by the degraded. But he was not judgemental.
He didn't speak, this is right, this is wrong. But he, first of all, made sure that his loving nature, his caring for them was much more important. And for us, when we are practising bhakti, as I said, the first point I made is that people don't realise they are sick.
Second is, surgery cannot be the first line of treatment. Always has to be last line. And first line of treatment is simply building relationships.
And just for building a relationship, we have to suspend our judgemental mentality. Otherwise, the judgemental mentality becomes like a block, which prevents us from connecting at a human level with people. If you want to connect at a spiritual level, but people are not in spiritual consciousness.
So, we can't connect directly at a spiritual level with people. First we need to connect with them at a human level. Connecting at a human level means, conducting ourselves in a way which a normal human being can appreciate.
Being courteous, being gentle, being helpful, being sensitive. Actually, Prabhupada was asked once in a public interview, how do we know your followers? So, Prabhupada could have answered, they follow four different principles, they chant sixteen rounds, they do this. Prabhupada said, they are perfect gentlemen.
Perfect ladies and perfect gentlemen. So, here, broadly speaking, there is a siddhanta. In our spiritual life, there are three main things.
There is siddhanta, there is sadhana, there is sadhacharya. Siddhanta is the philosophical understanding. Sadhana is the spiritual practise.
Sadhacharya is the practical behaviour. The world doesn't care what our siddhanta is. The world doesn't care what our sadhana is.
What the world cares is, what our acharya is. How is their behaviour? I may be chanting sixteen rounds attentively, I may be chanting sixty-four rounds attentively. Why should the world care for that? Their values are different.
What they will see is, in their normal dealings, how do we deal with them? I may have memorised all the seven hundred verses of the Bhagavad Gita. But why should people care for it? In their value system, it doesn't matter. It doesn't count.
What they are going to see is, in our day-to-day dealings, how do we conduct ourselves? So, in our spiritual practises, often we give a lot of emphasis on siddhanta and sadhana. We should follow the regular rituals, we should chant sixteen rounds, we should come to the temple, we should do deity worship. All this is important.
But, from people's perspective, what will they care for it? When they start becoming devotees, they will definitely care. But, our siddhanta and sadhana, they should reflect in our sadhachara. Now, sadhachara, what does it mean? Broadly speaking, it will mean behaviour in the mode of goodness.
Transcendental behaviour is difficult for people to appreciate. Once a senior devotee was giving a talk to a group of devotees who were doing a very important preaching event where a lot of new people were going to come, influential new people. So, this leader, he said that, for the service of Srila Prabhupada, everybody should conduct themselves in the mode of goodness, irrespective of whether they are below it or above it.
Sometimes, in the name of being transcendental, we become just disrespectful for others, uncaring for others. So, what the world is going to see is our behaviour, sadhachara. And that's what Srila Prabhupada is trusting in.
He says, how are my followers to be known? They are perfect gentlemen. So, this is what is required for building trust. Without having a foundation of trust, we cannot influence anyone.
So, normally, nowadays, of course, we have big security systems at houses. But traditionally, say, if somebody knocks on the door, then we might just have a chain in our house and open the door partially to see who is there. And then, if he is a familiar person, if he is a trustworthy person, we will open the door and let them come inside.
So, like that, everybody has a chain in the door of their heart. And unless that is opened, whatever we may say will not enter. And that is opened largely by our conduct, how we conduct ourselves.
And this door of the heart can often be closed by the ego when it goes into defensive. If I feel threatened by someone, then the ego just goes into defensive. And nothing can break that ego.
It is extremely difficult. We may argue with people, sometimes we may have to point out, this is wrong, this is right, a debate may happen. But the trust has to be that people should feel that we care for them.
Otherwise, a person convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. They won't change. They won't change at all.
So, now when the surgery is itself to be done, that means somebody has some misconceptions. I want to point out, this is not right. That also, how is the surgery done? A surgery, there is a lot of preparation before that.
Usually, anaesthesia is given. Without anaesthesia to do surgery is often cruelty. Sometimes in emergency, there are 100 soldiers on the battlefield who are wounded, and we just have to treat them, there is no time.
At that time, surgery may be done without anaesthesia. But that is an emergency measure. In general, to do surgery without anaesthesia is cruelty.
Similarly, for us, if we are challenging people's conceptions, countering people's conceptions, that's like doing surgery on them. And if we do it without anaesthesia, it's very painful. And when that's painful, again, the point is people don't understand that they are sick.
So, if something causes me a lot of pain, and I don't see any gain in that, then I'll just go away. I'll just go away from Krishna. So, if that is not to be done, then we have to be very cautious that we, our compassion comes out in a way that is not hurting.
We cannot avoid hurt. Because people have certain conceptions, they have to be corrected. But they have to be corrected in the least hurtful way.
Not in the insensitive way. A few years ago, I was sick continuously for one and a half, two years. And the doctors, for a major part of that time, they couldn't diagnose me what was wrong with me.
So, they had taken almost, different doctors, different hospitals, they had taken almost 100 blood samples. So, my whole hand was filled with needle pricks. So, then finally, once when I had to take a blood sample, the blood sample nurse came, and that nurse was actually trying, spent almost 10 minutes trying to find a spot from where that needle could be inserted.
Now, that nurse could have said that, my job is to take blood. If you have so many pricks, that's your problem. But no.
That nurse was sensitive. Trying to find a, if there is a spot where already there is a pierce, the pain will be much more. So, that, you could say that it's my duty to take blood, and if there is any problem on your side, it's your problem.
But that is insensitivity. So, people have certain conceptions. And nobody consciously holds on to wrong conceptions.
Unless they want to deceive others. We, some, whenever we have certain conceptions, we believe that they are right. And for some people, some conceptions are like sore spots.
It's very difficult for them to change that. If somebody is connected with some spiritual organisation, they follow a particular teacher, somebody is following a particular ideology, and there, they have certain heroes. Now, if we come off as insensitive in criticising them, then that's like piercing the needle where already there is a sore spot.
The pain will be much more. And that pain, in a normal person, it might not be there. But in some other person who already has that complication, that pain may be much more.
So, we may do something out of compassion, but the result may be alienation. The result may not be attraction towards Krishna, the result may be alienation from Krishna. That's why it's important that we not be self-righteous.
Thinking that I know what is the best. And I am going to share with everyone. I am going to give everyone.
I am going to enlighten everyone. No, if I think I am going to enlighten everyone, the first one in the everyone is the speaker. Because we are never the enlighteners.
Prabhupada himself, when he went to America all alone, he is in his song praying, My dear Lord, Tumara ichchaye hoye naaya vash, Tumara ichchaye naashe maaya raparash. It is by your will, people will come out of illusion. You are present in their hearts, please make my words understandable to them.
This was Prabhupada's mode. So none of us can say that in any way we are better than Prabhupada. So we are not the enlighteners.
If I think I am the enlightener, that means I need enlightenment first of all. To understand that it is Krishna who is the enlightener. And we simply have to become agents by which people can connect with Krishna.
And Krishna will guide them onwards. So although sometimes in preaching we may sit on a higher pedestal, or there is a certain sense of respect that is given to anyone who is going to speak. But actually preaching is effective only when it is done on a foundation of humility.
And I see that actually there is a force greater than me that is acting. And that Krishna somehow for whatever reason has chosen me to act, chosen to act through me. So many times when people get transformed, it is because Krishna has acted through us, Krishna has acted in their hearts.
That's why they get transformed. So we have to make sure that when we are doing the surgery, it is as painless as possible. And even after the surgery is done, there is pain medicine that is given.
Now the surgery is done, now get lost. It's up to you. No, after that also care has to be taken.
So sometimes people's conceptions have to be challenged. But the way we do it is very important. It's said that when we are preaching, preaching has two aspects to it.
Preaching means to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the comforted. To comfort the afflicted means those who are distressed. Then we have to present the comforting, the solace giving side of Krishna Bhakti.
Somebody has lost a loved one and they are in great distress. At that time we speak about how Krishna is there with everyone. Krishna is there as a super soul accompanying the departed person.
Krishna will take care of that person and Krishna is there in their hearts. Krishna is always there with them. We focus on the comforting aspect of Krishna Bhakti.
If we afflict the afflicted, if somebody's loved one has passed away and we go and tell them, actually all relationships are temporary. You know, all other loved ones are also going to pass away. You are going to be all alone.
We are going to be a great disservice. So, preaching means to comfort the afflicted. Now of course there is other aspect also.
Preaching also means to afflict the comforted. That means if somebody is very complacent, everything is fine in my life. Actually when Prabhupada went to America, he would coffin coat the example of John F. Kennedy.
He said, you Americans, you think you have so much in your life. He had everything. Powerful, popular, intelligent, young.
And in one moment everything was lost. So, when people are comforted, we may have to afflict them. But we have to see where people are at.
Most of the people who come to Krishna in today's world are those who are needing some comfort. So, in the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna talks about four categories of people who come to him. He talks about the distressed, the inquisitive, the wealth seekers and the knowledgeable.
In Kali Yuga, the four kinds of people who come to Krishna are the distressed, the distressed, the distressed and the distressed. So, most people, the people who are actually truth seekers are extremely rare. So, when people are coming when they are distressed, at that time the comforting aspect of Krishna Bhakti has to be present.
Not the confronting aspect. Not the aspect that is going to afflict them further. So, some devotees, when they speak, they have like one formula for everyone.
Whoever you meet, they start off. Life is temporary. You are not the body, you are the soul.
This world is the Kali. And when we do that, it's almost like the same soundtrack is being played again and again and again. Prabhupada said that realisation means that we present the message in a way that is interesting to the audience.
And that means we have to look at who is the audience. Where they are coming from. What is their thought process? What are their concerns? And then we present appropriately.
So, in my early days, when I just became, started practising Bhakti, at that time I asked a senior devotee, a sanyasi, how do I preach to my parrots? So, he replied, by letting anyone except you preach to them. Our parents have a particular relationship with us. They have seen us from small childhood grow up.
It's very difficult for them to suddenly see us as sources of spiritual knowledge. And that's what actually I did. You know, I was trying to tell my father, my brother about this, that.
Nothing was working. And eventually, I just got out of the way. So, got out of the way, connected them with devotees, and then the effect was much, much better.
So, I may preach to some people, but some people, just that same approach doesn't work. So, because we all are of a particular nature, in a particular position in society, so we all have to find out what is the best way I can connect this person with Krishna. And sometimes, I may not be the best way.
So, it may be that somebody else can connect them with Krishna better. And the whole process of Bhakti is about providing people a path to connect with Krishna. Whether they connect with Krishna or not is up to them.
So, we open the door for people. And we invite them. Krishna Bhakti is so wonderful.
We invite them, we talk about Krishna Bhakti. Now, if they are not interested, then what do we do? Sometimes we spend some time with some people, and if they are not interested, then we open the door for them to come in. If they don't come in, bang! We slam the door in their face.
You are foolish, you are sinful, you are this, you are that, you are doomed to go to hell. It doesn't have to be like that. If different people are at different levels in their own spiritual evolution, the soul is going through many many lifetimes.
And while going through different lifetimes, the soul has, so each soul is at a different level of spiritual evolution. And different souls will have different levels of readiness for practising Krishna Bhakti. And when they all have different levels of readiness, we can't expect that just because of our one talk or a few interactions they will take up.
Because we don't know what level of readiness they will be at. So, what we can do is open the door and leave the door open. That means if we find that they are not really interested, then just end the interaction on a cordial note and move on.
That cordiality will be remembered much more than the force of our arguments. We may argue and prove, you are wrong, I am right. But that will simply be seen as our imposing.
What if the interaction is ended on a cordial note? Hey, I met a nice person. What does it make sense? Although I am not interested, it makes sense. Leave it at that.
Krishna is there in their hearts. And at the right time, when either they face some distress or they get some experiences which remind them of something, which prompt them to explore something higher in life, at that time Krishna will guide them. And then they will walk through the door which we had left open for them.
So, we have to recognise that when we are trying to share Krishna Bhakti with others, it is their spiritual evolution, their level in their spiritual evolution which will determine whether they take it up or not. And so we just open the door and leave it to them. We do need to push people a little bit.
But how much can we push? There is a limit to that. Sometimes when we are driving a car, the car doesn't start. I have seen that happening in India.
I don't know whether it happens here. And the car doesn't start, then a number of people come and they start pushing the car. Does it happen here? It happens.
It's a feature of the car, I suppose. Not the country. So, suppose there are 3-4 people who are all pushing the car.
The person inside is trying to start the car also. And they together get the car moving. That's a cooperative effort.
But suppose the people outside are pushing the car and the person inside has gone to sleep. Or worse still, the person inside is actually pressing the brake. Then the people outside are like, why should I keep pushing? So, similarly, especially when people want to come to Krishna, I mean, people have to come to Krishna, they all need a little push.
So, like we are the people outside the car and they are inside the car. So, we all need to push them a little bit. We invite them, remind them.
But if they show no response at all, that's like inside we are pushing the car, they have gone to sleep inside the car. We are pushing from outside. So, then if they show no interest, then there is no point in pushing that car.
Sometimes when people, we invite them for a programme, if they are not interested, they come up with reasons. I have to do this, I have to go here, I have to go there. Now, if somebody is coming up with reasons, now we may say, you know, you are lying.
But that is not the point over there. The point is that if they are not interested, we can't force someone to get interested. Just leave it at that.
That cordiality with which we ended, they will come eventually at their time. Krishna is there in their hearts. Even Srila Prabhupada when he was preaching in India for so many years, not many people became devotees.
In fact, hardly anyone became a devotee. Why? Because people were not ready. He went to America and so many people were ready at that time.
So, it is not our, it is not that we are preaching. It is Krishna who is acting through us. We are simply trying to connect people with Krishna.
So, compassion means that we do open the door for people to come to Krishna. So, broadly speaking, the mood of compassion is that if people don't know about Krishna, that is our problem. If they don't move towards Krishna, that is their problem.
If people don't know about Krishna, then it's my responsibility. I should try to give them information about Krishna and give it in a way that is relevant to them, that is attractive to them. But if after that they don't choose to move towards Krishna, then it is up to them.
It is between them and Krishna. So, we better move on and try to look for some other people. Who will be moving towards Krishna? Who will be more interested in moving towards Krishna? When you talk about compassion, we may talk about, we may go out and distribute books, we may invite people for programmes.
We may talk to different people, maybe our colleagues or whoever and try to get them to connect with Krishna. That's all good. Especially challenging to be compassionate to is people who are very close to us.
Our relatives, our family members, our children. We want them to also practise bhakti. But sometimes because they are very close to us, we become very judgemental to them.
In every relationship, there is contribution and there is expectation. There is a give and take in every relationship. I do something for the other person, the other person does something for me.
There is contribution and there is expectation. So, how to be compassionate to those who are very close to us? The first thing is that the particular relationship's dynamics are very important. As I said, if I am with my parents, those who are elder to me, then I have to be a little more respectful.
I cannot expect to preach to them. If it's my spouse, the relationship will be very different. If it's my child, the relationship will be different.
So, what happens that our, at one level, we are trying to be representatives of Krishna. We are trying to share Krishna's message with them. But then we have a material relationship with them.
And the dynamics of that material relationship comes into the picture. So, I talk about say children first. When the children are small, they just basically follow their parents.
So, the parents come to the temple, the children come to the temple with them. Then, as they come to their teenage, teenage is a very difficult age. It's like parents start feeling, my sweet little girl, where did she disappear? They are sullen, uncommunicative.
Who is this stranger who has come in our place? You feel like a very different thing. What has happened is that there is, in teenage, universally, there is an identity crisis that comes. When say children are below the age of 10, they are primarily identified as the son of so-and-so, the daughter of so-and-so.
That is their primary identification. Once they become adult, they have their own identification. I am an engineer, I am a doctor, I am this and that.
In the teenage, they are too old to accept being identified only as a child of someone. And they are too young to have an identity of their own. So, at that time, they are really searching.
And a lot, that's why they are very vulnerable to peer pressure. Because whatever makes them look good, feel cool in their social circle, they become very vulnerable to influence by that. So, often in wanting to assert their identity separate from their parents, they go against the parents.
The British author, Rudyard Kipling, I think it's Oscar Wilde, he said that, When I was 12, my father was a fool. Now I am 22 and I am amazed how much the old guy learned in the last 10 years. It's not that the father has learned, it is rather the child's perspective has changed.
So, there is a phase when rebellion is just natural. And at that time, we have to be very careful. We may force, sometimes we may use the authority or the position coming from a relationship to make people do certain things.
But that is never sustainable. As parents, we may tell our child, you have to do this, you have to do this, you have to do this. But once they become teenagers, once they grow old, they are going to have their own life and they are going to make their own choice.
So, being compassionate to our children means that we have to stop expecting them to be the reincarnations of Prahlad Maharaj. So, we may have a particular image, oh, my child should be a devotee like this. Yes, but they are their own, they are their own persons.
They are souls and they are on their own spiritual journey. So, I have talked with many devotee children in various parts of the world. And almost all of them, after their teenage years, they come back and they practise bhakti at some level.
Whether they have become serious sadhakas or not, that will vary. But they are overall appreciative of bhakti. Unless they have had some very bad experiences.
So, what happens in those teenage years is that the natural spirit of rebellion is there. It is not just rebellion for rebellion's sake. It is more that they want to exert their identity.
In every generation, there is a generation gap. But in today's world, it is all the more because society is far less structured than what it was in the past. So, say the parents had some property and the parents had some business and the child is going to take up that business.
Then that if some dynastic property or dynastic inheritance is what is going to be the defining career path, then the rebellion is not so much because they know this is what I am going to do. This is going to be my identity. But in today's world, not many people, not many of the kids will take up the same job or the same career or the same business as the parents do.
So, kids feel the need to exert their own identity. And this natural rebelliousness, it is not rebelliousness for the sake of rebelliousness. It is just a part of the natural growth.
So, when that is there, that tension is there normally in everyone's life, in all children as they grow up. But when the parents happen to be devotees, then the rebellion comes against the devotion of the parents also. They see that this is something which my parents want me to do.
And they feel I don't want to do it. So, at that time we have to recognise both what is our strength and what is our limitation. Basically, one human being can influence another human being only in three ways.
We can share knowledge. We can create facilities. And we can set an example.
We can share knowledge. If you do this, this will happen. Do this, this will happen.
Therefore, it is better that you do this. You can share the knowledge. Then, we can create facilities.
If we tell the children, come to the temple, practise Krishna Bhakti, you can tell them what happens in materialistic life, how so many bad habits you can fall to pray to. That is our duty. We do our work on that.
But then if you expect the children to come and hear classes which are meant for idols, that's not going to work. They can't do that. So, we have to create facilities.
Maybe have some Sunday school, maybe have some youth meetings, have some events where they can participate, they can perform, create facilities. And third is set example. Set example means that if we are practising Krishna, it's not just set example means we are telling our children to chant and we are chanting.
That's important, no doubt. But set example means that the children should feel that our Krishna Bhakti has made us better parents. Has made us, because it's like say, I have my relationship, we have our relationship with our children.
The children have the relationship with Krishna, we have a relationship with Krishna. So, we have our relationship with Krishna and we want them to develop their relationship with Krishna. But our relationship with Krishna is something which is, they will observe.
But for them, the most important thing is our relationship with them. So, if our Krishna Bhakti, they find it is making us more judgemental towards them. You shouldn't be doing this.
You shouldn't be doing this. You shouldn't be doing this. Then, I saw a Christian joke once.
Now, in the Bible, the beginning, it's not a Christian joke, it's an atheist joke about Christianity. So, the Bible begins with saying that in the beginning was the word and the word was God. So, this atheist joke was, in the beginning was the word and the word was no.
You can't do this. You can't do this. You can't do this.
You can't do this. So, sometimes we can come off as very restrictive. Now, yes, obviously, certain amount of restrictions are required in life.
But restrictions cannot be sustained for long unless they are accepted voluntarily. So, we can provide knowledge, we can provide facilities, we can set an example. And after we do this, it is for every soul to choose on their own.
And there is material irresponsibility, there is material responsibility and there is spiritual responsibility. Spiritual responsibility is we want our souls, our loved ones to also practise Krishna Bhakti, to come closer to Krishna. Material responsibility is that we want them to have good careers, have a good, responsible, respectable life.
Material irresponsibility is we don't care for them at all. Now, when we are trying to share Krishna Bhakti with someone, especially those who are subordinate to us in the relationship, like say children are to their parents, then sometimes when they start asserting their independence and they want to do something which we know is harmful for them, at that time what do we do? There are two broad approaches we can have for parenting. Tell them this is wrong and don't do it.
And stop them from doing it. The other is that ultimately we can't stop them forever. So, we let our disapproval be known, but we don't reject them because of that.
So, our love needs to be unconditional. That means my love for you doesn't depend on whether you are going to practise Krishna Bhakti or not. As a parent, I am always there for you.
Of course, loving relationship cannot be unconditional. Love can be unconditional. I can love someone, but if there is to be a relationship, that person also has to reciprocate.
Sometimes a parent may tell you, you are wrong and you are not understanding it. One day when you understand it, you will come crawling back on your knees. Now, if we have that attitude or if that is the tone in which we speak, even if they understand that they are wrong, they will not come back.
Because it was not an issue of what is right and what is wrong, it became an ego issue. So, somehow it is important for us to recognise that our relationship with Krishna is not dependent on how others relate with Krishna. Parents naturally want their children to become devotees, if they are devotees.
But we shouldn't think that if my child doesn't become a devotee, that means my parenting is a failure and therefore I am a failure. What happens is that insecurity makes us become more aggressive and imposing. Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita, karmanye vadikaraste ma phaleshu kadachana.
We can only do our part. And ma phaleshu kadachana, we are not meant to be attached with the results. So, if our sense of self-worth becomes invested in what someone else is doing, then we become very insecure.
And any relationship in which we are acting on the platform of insecurity, there cannot be stability in that relationship. So, we need to be convinced, I am a servant of Krishna and my relationship with Krishna is not dependent on how anyone else behaves. Yes, I would like others to practise Krishna bhakti, but my primary identity is I am a servant of Krishna.
And yes, as a service to Krishna, I will be the parent of someone, I will be the spouse of someone, I will be the relative of someone. And I will try to get them also to Krishna. But if we don't have that insecurity, then we can move more steadily towards Krishna.
Why? And we can be available for others when they want to move towards Krishna without imposing on them. I was in Texas a few months ago. Now Texas is known to be, in America there are certain states which are called as the Bible Belt.
Where there is a lot of evangelical Christianity. So, I saw one car, the bumper they had a sticker. Oh God, please, please save me from your preachers.
Now, God actually is meant to save us through his preachers. But the preachers come up as preachy, judgemental, holier than thou. People say, I just don't want anything to do with these people.
So, it's important that we be representatives of Krishna's love. Not Krishna's anger or Krishna's judgement. Yes, there are other representatives for that.
That is also part of God. But we are meant to be messengers of Krishna's love. And when we have this attitude, actually, I'll conclude with one point.
That sometimes we may feel that there are so many other religious teachers, so many religious organisations. But, you know, we chant sixteen rounds, we follow four regular principles, we are very strict. Others don't do this much.
So, you know, when we try to stand out from others. No, I am special. When we stand out, people start seeing us as narrow-minded, sectarian, judgemental.
If we try to stand out, then we are left out. So, I don't want to become like this. But, if we try to belong, then we stand out.
If we try to belong means, if we just function like reasonable, responsible, sensitive human beings, then people can see there's a difference. I have so many other people, but this person is something special over here. Then they want to know more.
Because even if people are generally in the mode of passion or even the mode of ignorance, in general, people appreciate somebody who is in the mode of goodness. Oh, this person is so calm, so cool, so gentle, so courteous. I like this.
So, what happens is, rather than trying to prove our superiority, No, I am doing this. I know this. I am practising this.
If we try to stand out, then we come off as sectarian and we are left out. But, if we just belong, not belong in the sense that we give up our values and do materialistic things, but rather, we just connect with people at a human level, without judging them for not practising bhakti, or without using every interaction as an opportunity to give bhakti to them. We just function as human beings, connect with people at a human level.
So, if we belong, then we are chanting, we have so much philosophical understanding, because Srila Prabhupada has given us such a wonderful understanding. So, we stand out at that. And then we can attract people towards Krishna in a way that will be progressive.
Otherwise, what happens, there are few people whom we attract towards Krishna, and while attracting a few people towards Krishna, many we alienate from Krishna. People start thinking, you know, this is too fanatical, too judgemental. But what we can do is, if we can learn to connect with people at a human level and then at a spiritual level, then we will attract people towards Krishna at various levels.
Some people may become serious devotees, some people may become not so serious devotees, some people may become well-wishers, some people may become appreciators. Even if a person says, living in rajoguna, and that person comes towards sattvaguna, that is also an elevation in consciousness. And that is also a step forward for them.
So, if we think that my success is that a person should become a devotee, in the sense of certain external practises they have to adopt, not everybody is ready for that. But if we see that through my interactions, I want to help raise people's consciousness. From wherever they are, one level up.
That is actually Krishna's mood in the Bhagavad Gita. Krishna says that in 12.8 to 12, he gives various levels at which people can practise Krishna bhakti. And always be absorbed in me.
If you can't do that, think of me. If you can't think of me, then you work for me. If you can't work for me, do your work but offer the fruits to me.
If you can't offer the fruits to me, then offer the fruits to some good cause. So, Krishna is giving various levels at which people can connect with him. So, rather than seeing bhakti as a bhakti outreach or bhakti preaching as a one zero, instead of seeing it in terms of digital logic, we see it in terms of analogue logic.
Different people move towards Krishna at different spaces and in different ways. And if they are moving towards Krishna, then that is a success. And some people will move fully towards Krishna, some people will move gradually towards Krishna.
That's up to them. Krishna at the end of the Gita says, yatha ichchasi tatha kuru. That yatha ichchasi, as is your desire, you do that.
If we are ourselves convinced that Krishna bhakti is joyful and there is a lot of distress in the material world, then when we share Krishna bhakti, that conviction will come out. And we will naturally want to attract people towards Krishna. But we will attract them in a way that even if they don't take it up, they will take some steps towards Krishna.
Not that they will go away from Krishna. So, we need to be compassionate in a way that is seen as compassionate. It is not seen as condescending or judgemental.
So, I'll summarise what I spoke today. Last part on from passion to compassion, I spoke about how when we are trying to be compassionate, share Krishna bhakti with others, with what attitude do we do it? It is, I was sick and I have got a medicine that works. I would like to share with somebody else so that you can also be free from sickness.
So, here there is no moral superiority, there is no moral judgement against anyone. The other metaphor which we often use is a surgeon. Cutting off people's misconceptions.
In that I discussed four things. First of all, people don't know that they are sick. Maya covers us and she covers the covering.
So that we don't feel we are blind. We have some vision which is not in harmony with reality. But we think that is the reality.
So, when people don't feel they are sick, why will they feel the need for any surgery? That's why we cannot just become surgeons and start doing operations on people. And then even if surgery is to be done, first thing is that it is never the first course of treatment. The first course of treatment is that other non-invasive treatments are done.
That means we need to first develop a relationship with people. Connect with them at a human level where they start feeling that we are well-wishers. They are well-wishers.
Only then they will become open to hearing more. Otherwise, unless the heart is open, the message doesn't go in. As the ego clamps down, then the message can never go in.
And then even if surgery is to be done, before that anaesthesia is given. So, like if blood has to be taken, we have to find out which is the least painful spot from where the blood can be taken. So, if people have certain sore spots, certain misconceptions, we have to be aware of that and present Krishna Bhakti in a way that doesn't inordinately agitate people.
So, rather than repeating just one line, we have to see the audience and present it in a way that is interesting, that is relevant. And lastly, even when we do surgery, there has to be pain medicine that is given after that. That means, it's not that we just prove people that you are wrong and I am right and end with that.
We maintain a loving cordial relationship without coming off, now I have proven I am cleverer than you. So, preaching means to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comforted. We have to see where people are at and then present appropriately.
And sometimes people are just not ready. So, we open the door, if they don't come in, we leave the door open. Not that we bang it by condemning people for not taking to Krishna Bhakti.
So, getting people to Krishna requires pushing them. But that pushing them has to be within limits. Like a car is not moving, we push so that the car starts.
But if the person doesn't want to move the car only, then better go to someone else. So, if people are not yet ready, that does not necessarily make them bad. They are just at different levels in their spiritual evolution.
And if our interaction with them ends on a note of cordiality, then later on Krishna from within their hearts will remind them and get them towards Him. So, it's not that we are actually preaching, it is Krishna who is preaching through us. And preaching means that we connect people with Krishna in their own hearts.
And then lastly I talked about how our particular relationship with others can shape the dynamics of how we present Krishna Bhakti to them. So, with respect to children, because there is a natural rebellion that happens in teenage when they want to assert their identity. And if the parents have been devoted, then in asserting their identity, they may rebel against the devotion also.
So, if we try to impose something based on the authority of the relationship, that will not last for long. Rather than having inordinate expectations from them, we provide them the knowledge, create the facilities. We set an example.
And after that it's up to them to choose. And we know that our relationship with Krishna is dependent on our service, attitude towards Him, our consciousness. And even if our parents, children don't become devoted, that is not our failure.
Krishna is there in their hearts, Krishna will guide them onwards. So, we focus on doing our best and let them choose when they come to Krishna. So, if we have this attitude that rather than thinking that if they have to become like this or otherwise they are not devotees, we have to have more of a digital logic instead of that analogue logic.
Then they are favourable to Krishna Bhakti, that's also success. And they will come closer to Krishna at their pace, from their place, as per the level of their spiritual evolution. So, we need to not just have compassion for others in terms of recognising that yes, this world is a place of distress and Krishna Bhakti is the relief.
But that compassion also has to be felt as compassion. That means, we need to act as perfect gentlemen and ladies, connecting with people in the mode of goodness. Not thinking that I am superior because of my sadhana or because of my siddhanta.
But understand that people are going to appreciate sadhaja. And people should feel that there is something special about us. And I want to know more about it.
If we try to stand out, then we come off as judgemental, superior, sectarian and we are left out. But if we try to belong, in the sense of connecting at a human level, then people see the difference and then we stand out at that time. And we can invite people to come to Krishna.
Thank you very much. Hare Krishna. So, are there any questions or comments? So, what is the minimum requirement to show people that we care for them? It will depend on the relationship specifically.
In different relationships, there are different expectations that are there and different ways in which you may contribute. So, someone whom we don't meet very regularly. So, I would say that basic courtesy, that's what is appropriate at that time.
And intermittently, sometimes we can tell them about some programme and invite them for a programme. But we are all finite beings. And we have to choose our battles.
We have to decide what all is my priority and focus on that. So, we don't turn away from anyone. We don't reject anyone.
But different relationships will be at different levels of proximity or distance. Or formality, proximity or formality. And that's fine.
So, there is no one gesture or one action that will be seen as enough for everyone. Sometimes that person may be a close relative. But they may not be close to us.
Sometimes somebody may not be a relative at all. But they may be very close to us. So, ideally speaking, our Krishna Bhakti should help us to come closer to others.
Sometimes, because of our Krishna Bhakti, it may appear as if it's a barrier between us and them. But if that is happening, what we need to do is, we need to renegotiate the terms of the relationship. So that we understand that this is a part of my life.
This is a very important part of my life. And if they are going to challenge and criticise this part, then the relationship is going to be very difficult. But sometimes if we find that they are not interested in practising Krishna Bhakti, we tell them, this is what I am going to do.
And then this is a part of my life. I won't impose this on you if you are not interested. But we can relate it at the remaining part of our life.
So, it shouldn't be that our Krishna Bhakti has to become a barrier in our relationships. You want it to become a bridge which helps both to come closer. If that doesn't happen, then if we renegotiate the terms of the relationship, then the relationship will continue even if both parties are not at the same level of spiritual wavelength.
Are you talking from the perspective of spouse? Or are you talking from a counsellor? So, if in a family, one spouse is very interested in Krishna Bhakti, the other is not, then how do we guide them? Yeah, it's a difficult situation. But every person's individuality needs to be respected. And our Krishna Bhakti, especially for those who are in the Grahastha Ashram, it should not be done in such a way that disrupts our normal relationships.
To some extent there is going to be a change, but that doesn't have to be a disruptive change. That can be, as I said, a renegotiation. As I said, there is material responsibility and there is spiritual responsibility.
So, in Kalyuga, at least in the postmodern times now, there is a lot of aversion to commitment. And when we, people don't want to enter into any kind of committed relationships. And when we talk about renunciation and attachment, what may happen is, we may equate our aversion to commitment with detachment.
So, aversion to commitment is actually in Tamoguna. Aversion to commitment means what? That detachment means I am not interested in material enjoyment. Aversion to commitment means I am interested in so many options for material enjoyment that I don't want to commit to anyone.
I want to keep all doors open. So, there are two very different modes of consciousness. So, sometimes it may happen that we may think I am transcendental.
I am taking up spiritual responsibility. I am at this level, but I may actually be at the level of material responsibility. I may just be neglecting things in the name of spirituality.
So, sometimes students, when we go to colleges and speak, students start practising bhakti. And then, they start, just before the exams, they suddenly start falling in love with Ramayana and Mahabharata. Throughout the semester they are not studying.
But just when they are supposed to study their college books, they say, all this is temporary. All this is avidya. I want to study paravidya.
I want to study spiritual knowledge. So, actually in that case, it is simply the mind wanting the path of least resistance. The studies appear difficult.
So, let me escape that in the name of spirituality. So, every relationship goes through its difficulties. And sometimes, the difficulties in a relationship, they require some discussion, some maturation.
And if you are practising bhakti, then we just justify the differences in the name of bhakti. That, you know, that person is not a devotee. That's why all these problems are coming.
No, we all need to mature. Sometimes there can be differences, serious differences, even when both the spouses are practising bhakti also. So, basically the point I am making is that there has to be a process of maturation.
And maturation is not a matter of age. Maturation is a matter of how much I can subordinate my emotions and pursue my responsibilities. So, if somebody is not, if one of the spouses is not practising bhakti, the other is practising bhakti, there will be some tensions that come up because of that, some emotions which may be flaring up because of that.
But we need to subordinate them and keep moving onwards towards, in that responsibility and towards Krishna. So, what shouldn't happen is that in the name of becoming devotees, we become materially responsible and think that I am detached. That may not be detachment at all.
That may just be irresponsibility. So, basically our bhakti means we are rising from material responsibility to spiritual responsibility. So, we try to, in every relationship that is there, we try to do whatever is required in that relationship at the level of material responsibility.
Now, how material responsibility is defined, what is expected in the name of material responsibility, that will vary depending on the culture, depending on the nature of that relationship, how it was before they started practising bhakti. Those are specifics. But in every relationship, there can be reasonable expectations and there can be unreasonable expectations.
And sometimes those unreasonable expectations may come just because even at the material level, people can have unreasonable expectations. Sometimes when we become devotees, we may have unreasonable expectations from somebody who has not yet become a devotee. So, we have to see that at the material level, at a functional, social level, the relationship goes on.
There should not be any disruption. And at a spiritual level, different people can practise at different levels. And especially in today's world, if one spouse is firm about the practise of something, it's very rare that the other spouse says, you cannot do this.
It's not like that. What they will expect is that, okay, you can do what you want, but you should be there for whatever family responsibilities are there. So, one of the advantages of the present culture which is quite individualistic is that people can have their own life.
It's only when their life starts interfering with other people's life, then it becomes a problem. So, if we renegotiate the relationship, then it's possible that the practise of bhakti can go on even when there is not such spiritual compatibility in the level of practises. And gradually, the other spouses also start seeing that this part of life is there.
The non-devotee spouse says, this part of life is there which I don't appreciate so much. It's still, there's so much more that goes on. Our practise of bhakti is making us more tolerant, making us more humble, not humble in the sense that we let others trample on our spiritual bhakti, but humble in the sense that we don't make every issue into an ego issue.
Tolerant in the sense that we learn to, small provocations come up, we just learn to tolerate that. So, those are the things which can change positively and other spouses also appreciate that over a period of time. So, it's more a matter of ensuring that our spirituality is adding to where we are, not deleting from where we are.
So, if we have that understanding, then even if there is spiritual incompatibility, still the relationships can go on and sometimes they may even improve over a period of time. Does that answer the question? Thank you very much. Should we stop or carry on? Sorry.
Okay. Yes, ma'am. If children are not interested in Krishna Consciousness, but parents are interested, so what can we do? Yes, we can try to find out what it is that the children are interested in and see if some aspect of Krishna Bhakti can be connected with it.
Basically, we all go through different phases in our life and in childhood or even in teenage years, people want to do things, not just hear or philosophy is not so interesting, even sadhana may not be so interesting. The mind is very restless at that time. But some aspect they may like.
For example, they may like kirtans. There is facility for children to come and do some dramas, do some cultural activities. They can have a social bonding with other children of their age group or overall their faith orientation.
That can help. So, basically, rather than seeing that they are not interested in Krishna Bhakti, we can look at what is their circle of interest and then see where that circle of interest intersects with the circle of Krishna Bhakti. And sometimes it may not emerge immediately.
Sometimes it may emerge over a period of time. I know one devotee, I was in Columbus, Ohio and there, there is this young boy who is like maybe 8 years old and he is brilliant at robotics. Tell him to come to a temple, he will never come.
But if he wants to do some robotics, he is 8 years old but he can stay awake throughout the night. You know, researching on the computer, going on doing internet research and he won some national robotic competition. He is a devotee's son.
He won a national robotic competition at the age of 8. And then his parents tried to get him to a temple, just not interested. Then I was talking with him and then I told him about, brilliant boy. So, I told him that, he is just interested in robotics.
I told him that, I asked him what kind of models he makes, what does he do with robotics, various things. I told him, you know, you could make a model where, of robotics, where Krishna, there is a Krishna robot and there is an Arjuna robot. And Krishna can be speaking the Bhagavad Gita to Arjuna.
So, he thought about it. First he said, you know, this is, it's religious. I don't want to do this.
But then he talked with his friends and he talked with his teachers and everything. They said, this concept has never been done before. It is not in America.
He says, you can make various things but this would be unique. And then he just got this idea. And when he got the idea, then he started studying the Bhagavad Gita.
Okay, what is Krishna going to speak? So, we have to find out, whatever their interests are, how we can find the intersection of their interests with the Krishna Bhakti. So, if we do that, then basically Krishna Bhakti can mean three things. One is, you do this and that is Krishna Bhakti.
Second is that, whatever you are doing it, you do it for Krishna. That is Krishna Bhakti. Or, whatever you are doing, you add Krishna to it.
The two are different things. Whatever you do, you do it for Krishna means, offer the fruits to Krishna. But whatever you are doing, you add Krishna in it.
So, all these can be different ways in which Krishna Bhakti can be practised. So, if we are open and resourceful, then we can find out somehow within their sphere of interest, how Krishna Bhakti can be presented. Okay, thank you.
So, I thank all of you very much for the last three days, for compassionately tolerating me. And let's pray to Srila Prabhupada that we all, while living in this passionate society, can ourselves be compassionate to ourselves and be compassionate to others in practising and sharing Krishna Bhakti. So, thank you very much.
Srila Prabhupada Ki Jai. Srila Gopinath Raghavan Ki Jai. Tai Gaur Premanandai.
Jai.