Gratitude is not just an attitude but also an awareness

[Talk at Gratitude Yoga Studio, Princeton, USA]

Video:

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So I’m very grateful to be here amongst all of you. Am I audible behind? Thank you for coming today. And I’ll speak on the topic of gratitude as not just an attitude but also an awareness.
I’ll talk in three parts. I’ll first talk about how our emotions, including the emotion of gratitude, they are not just a state of the mind. They are meant to be a state of being.
And for understanding this, I’ll draw on the Bhagavad Gita’s model of our self to talk about a three-level existence. And then I’ll talk about some practical contemplations which we can use for cultivating gratitude both as an attitude and as an awareness. So when we talk about our emotions, say sometimes I say I’m feeling satisfied and I may say I’m not feeling satisfied.
In this case, we talk about our emotion as something that is present within us and something that we are feeling. The Bhagavad Gita, which is an ancient yoga text which guides us to higher states of awareness, it talks about satisfaction differently. It says that satisfaction is not just an emotion that we feel.
It can also be a decision that we make. Satisfaction is not just an emotion that we feel but it’s also a decision that we make. What does that mean? It means that satisfaction which is at one level an emotion in our mind.
Now sometimes we say that I get angry very quickly or I’m angry right now. Now when I’m angry right now, we tell someone, don’t get angry about this. So here we talk about anger as a choice.
Okay, I’m getting angry. I’m feeling the emotion right now. But sometimes we also talk about the short-tempered person.
There, anger, we’re not talking about it simply as an emotion but we’re talking about that more as a disposition. This person tends to be short-tempered. That means they get angry quickly.
So are our emotions, just feelings that we have, are or are they something which is situated inside us? Anger, for example, let’s say somebody’s short-tempered. Does that mean there is anger as an object which is situated inside them or what exactly are our emotions? So the Bhagavad Gita talks about our existence as three level. There is the body, the mind and the soul.
So a rough analogue for this is a computer system in which there is the hardware, the software and the user. So the hardware is like the body, the software is like the mind and the user is the soul, the spiritual essence of who we are. And when certain emotions are felt within us, how does this whole system work? Just a month ago, I was at a friend’s shop.
This friend is a jeweller, a very elite jeweller and because he has very expensive jewels at his place, so he has in his shop, he has five different gates, doors to come in and then where he sits, that’s like the control room or security room. So he has a big monitor over there and on that monitor are displayed what is happening at each door. This is a closed circuit TV camera at each door and the inputs from there come in to this main monitor and then there are five windows in this monitor and he looks at them and if anywhere any suspicious character is coming or any important customer is coming, then clicks on that window and that window zooms out, fills the full monitor and he looks at it.
So basically, we can say that our inner world works in a similar way. We have five senses, that the five knowledge acquiring senses, the eyes, the ears, the nose, the tongue and the skin and awareness streams in through all of these and all of them are integrated and displayed on an inner screen. That screen is the mind.
So for example, right now, you are looking at me and you are hearing what I am speaking. So we could say that the vision window and the sound window, they are too prominent right now and we observe and we integrate what is happening. So if while speaking, say I have one kind of gestures, but then I speak something else, then it is asynchronous.
If I say, I have a great respect for all of you. Why am I waving my fist if I have respect for you? So the visual input and the audio input would be asynchronous. So basically, we integrate these two inputs so that we can process.
Now while you are hearing, say somebody gets some food delicacy and a very aromatic fragrance comes in from the back door. Then immediately in our mind, the smell window will pop up. What is this item? Will it be served after this programme? Can I get it? Have I eaten anything like this before? And then our thoughts will go off in that direction.
So basically, these different windows keep popping up and then getting minimised very fast. So if someone just now opens the door and you hear the sound of the door opening, that will be at the background of your awareness, you will decide, okay, somebody might have come in, not very important, and you will focus back. But if you are expecting a friend to come, as soon as you hear the door opening, you will turn back.
It is your friend here. So basically, all these windows, they are open in our mind, and some get zoomed up, some get zoomed out. So we could say some get maximised, some get minimised.
And the window from which the most important input is coming, that is what needs to be maximised at the right time. But if something else gets maximised, then we become absent-minded. If I am talking with someone, and say, I get lost in thought, they say, earth to you, earth to you.
So what happened? My inner screen, instead of acting like a window, it starts acting like a TV screen. And it goes off somewhere else. That is when we become absent-minded.
So today, mental health problems are huge. And when, and among the many mental health problems, two which are relatively most widespread are depression and anxiety. The anxiety is huge, but depression is also rapidly becoming very big.
Now specific causes can be there for the anxiety or the depression. But in terms of this model, what exactly is happening? If, say, I am here, my inner screen is here, and the outer world is here. So when we get depressed, at that time, the inner screen, instead of showing what is out there, it starts going to the past.
And it starts, oh, this went wrong. This person treated me unfairly. This person did like that.
That person did like that. All the bad things that have happened in our life in the past, the inner screen starts showing us that. And as we start seeing them more and more and more, we start feeling more and more depressed.
We start thinking, oh, this is all the things that have happened in my life. And my future is going to be more of the same. This person disappointed me.
This person ditched me. This person betrayed me. And this is what is going to happen to me in the future.
So when the inner mirror goes into the past, or the inner screen goes into the past and starts replaying all the bad things that have happened in the past, that is what causes depression. Conversely, if the inner monitor starts going into the future and starts saying, oh, this may go wrong. What if that goes? What if I lose my job? What if my present relationship doesn’t work out? What if I get some terrible disease? What if that happens? What if that happens? So it starts showing us a horror movie of the future.
And in this horror movie, we are not the spectators. We are the victims. And as more and more of these things start getting replayed, we start feeling more and more worried, more and more anxiety ridden.
We may become, get a panic attack. Actually speaking, right now in the present, nothing may have happened. Or it may just be, I go to my office and I see a strange look in my boss’ eyes.
I start thinking, why is my boss looking like this? Are they planning to fire me? If they fire me, what will happen to me? You know, how will I get, how will I earn money? If I can’t earn my money, how will I pay my mortgage? If I can’t pay my mortgage, I’ll be evicted from my house. If I’m evicted from my house, I’ll have to get a new house. Oh, if I can’t get a new house, I’ll be on the streets.
And it’s so cold on the streets. Right now, I may be feeling cold because of the AC, but my mind will start thinking, oh, it’ll be so cold. And we’ll go into complete panic.
So basically, both the disorders, depression and anxiety, are because of unwanted images getting displayed on our inner screen. Worry is like interest that we pay on loans we haven’t yet taken. The loans, the problems have not come and they may never come also.
But we just start watching that horror movie and get carried away. Now, our topic is gratitude. And why am I talking about all this? Because these two things, primarily depression and anxiety, they erode the positivity from within us.
And they make it almost impossible for us to be grateful, to have any kind of positive emotion. When this inner screen starts displaying unwanted imagery, at that time, if we can become aware, oh, this is what is happening. Do I need to go back to the past? Do I need to go to the future? Yes, we need to.
If what has happened in the past and I can learn from it, I want to go to the past. And for the future, I would like to plan for the future. But in both these cases, if I want to learn from the past, or if I want to prepare for the future, in both these cases, we are in control.
And we consciously take the inner screen and direct it towards the past. Okay, this happened. And at that time, we could have done this.
They responded like this. I could have done that. But I did that.
Maybe this whole situation I got into, I was not very planned about it. So when we are in control, and we take our inner screen to the past and look at it and analyse, then we are in control and we can learn from it. But when that inner screen seems to have a mind of its own, it goes into the past on its own.
And then it starts going over all the bad things that have happened. Then we see one bad scenario. This happened.
It just before we can reflect or learn anything from it. So next next next horror scene is coming up. But then we can’t learn anything.
Similarly, with the future, if we are in control, and we go to the future, okay, this can happen. If this happens, what can I do? Okay, I can try 1, 2, 3. What if this happens? I will do 1, 2, 3. That’s planning. But for planning, we need to be in control.
But if we are not in control, then all that happens is this imagery on the inner screen coming from the imagery coming from the past or from the future simply agitates us. Suppose we had a fan over here. Normally when a fan moves round and round, it cools the environment.
But when our mind moves round and round and round, it doesn’t cool us, it heats us up. We’re sitting peacefully. But suddenly, what if this happens? What if that happens? What if that happens? Just get completely agitated.
So now, I mean, talking about this till now that the inner screen can misfire, can, the unwanted images can zoom upon it, and it’s not just an image. It comes initially as an image, and then it soon starts as a movie. And when that happens, we get completely lost.
So at this point, I would like to do a thought exercise to take this metaphor a little deeper. So wherever you’re sitting now, sit comfortably, and you can close your eyes. And with me, you can take three deep breaths.
One, two, three. Now with your eyes closed, look at what you see in front of you. Because your eyes are closed, you may not see what is physically ahead of you.
But you will see something like an inner screen on which many different images may come. You may see a replica of this room. You may see your home.
You may see your car. You may see a loud one. You may see food.
You may see a television set. You may see a movie that you may have watched recently. You may see different images coming and going.
Or you may see just a dull pattern of colours, either static or moving. Whatever specific things you see, you will see that there’s some kind of inner screen on which you see these things. Now as you’re observing that inner screen, try to take a step back and look at the inner seer.
Look at who is looking at that inner screen. As you’re looking at that inner screen, take a step back and try to catch sight of the seer of that inner screen. Try once again.
Just take a step back and try to catch sight of who is it that is looking at that inner screen. No matter how many steps you take back, the inner seer steps back with you. That inner seer is you, the spiritual essence, the soul, the atma.
Atma. What you are looking for is what you are looking with. You are the inner seer and the screen is your mind.
You can take one deep breath and then you can open your eyes. So this exercise, if you do, this gives us some understanding that we are different from the inner screen. Normally, because the screen and the seer are both inside us, we equate the two.
So whatever thought comes within us, whatever desire comes within us, whatever emotion comes within us, we identify with that. But what is appearing on the inner screen is different from who is observing that inner screen. So normal perception involves three things coming in line.
There is the outer scene. So you are looking at me, I am looking at you. There is the inner screen and there is the inner seer.
So the outer scene gets represented on the screen. We don’t respond to what is out there actually. We respond to the mental representation of the physical situation.
If I am in a desert and I am thirsty and if I see a mirage, now actually it’s only sand over there. But I see it as water. I start running towards it.
Why? Because I don’t respond to the physical reality. I respond to my perception of the physical reality. So if we want to cultivate healthy emotions and gratitude is an extremely healthy emotion.
At one level, we can say that, oh, these bad things have happened in your life, but so many good things have happened in our life also. So learn to look at the good in life, don’t look at the bad in life. And that’s important.
We all need to be more optimistic, but gratitude is much more than that. The way we are looking at it is, if I understand that I am different from the imagery appearing on my inner screen, then I can observe the imagery and respond to it appropriately. And over a period of time, I can decide which imagery I want to have it appearing more and more.
So for example, now I started by talking about, I raised a question initially, what are our emotions? Are they just some feelings that come within us? Or are they things? If somebody is short-tempered, does that mean, you know, if we had some subtle way to measure the quantity of anger, so is it that more anger is stored inside some people and less anger is stored in some people? So that’s why some people are more short-tempered and some are more even-tempered. So actually, the inner world is not physical. It’s not gross.
So we may not be able to use a physical parameter for measuring it. But the inner world is also real. So all of us, we have, how do we function? There is a stimulus and there is a response.
So for example, right now we are sitting and if I touch this computer and I feel an electric current in my hand, then I’ll move my hand away. The stimulus and the response. So normally, if some stimulus comes in, say, if somebody just tells you, get up.
Should I get up? Should I not get up? Who is this person telling me? Why are they telling me to get up? So when the stimulus comes, in between the stimulus and the response is our intelligent evaluation. Should I do it or should I not do it? But when something becomes a habit, a habit essentially means that the gap between the stimulus and the response becomes lesser and lesser and lesser till the stimulus and immediately the response comes up. And habits in themselves are neutral.
They can be good, they can be bad. If a fire suddenly broke out over here, most of us might become panicky. But if one of us were trained as a firefighter, then while we would all try to run, that person may look, oh, where is the fire extinguisher? Or in fact, even before that, as soon as they enter into the room, they may see, is there a fire extinguisher here? So the decreased gap between stimulus and response is not necessarily a good or bad thing.
That’s just something that happens when we become habituated to a particular action. But if that action is unhealthy, it’s unwanted, then that gap becomes counterproductive for us. There’s a British playwright Mark Twain.
He said that giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I have done it over a hundred times. So, why do I have to give it a hundred times? Because I give it up, but it doesn’t give me up.
So what happens? Sometimes I may decide, no, I don’t want to smoke. I may decide that, but the next time the stimulus comes, even before I can think what to do, the response comes. Okay, let me smoke.
And then after that, I was supposed to not smoke. What happened? So basically, going back to our model of the inner screen, so to the extent we are habituated to behaving in a particular way, to that extent, as soon as the image appears on the inner screen, we immediately identify with it and get carried away by it. Suppose if you travel in an international flight, many of these big planes, they have individual TVs in front of each seat.
Now, at one time, if you’re sitting, you can see maybe 15 TV screens. And maybe different people are all watching different movies. Now, if there is some movie which seems more interesting, or maybe it’s a hero or a heroine that you like, and then they are in a movie, and then as soon as you start watching, hey, okay, what is happening? What is happening? What is happening? You get carried away by it.
But if, say, neither the hero nor the heroine looks familiar, the genre doesn’t look familiar, we’ll notice it, okay, we’ll move on. We’ll not pay much attention to it. So similarly, you can imagine that in our inner screen, there are many movies that are going on.
So all these are like the stimuli that are coming into us, and they are there on the monitor. But if it’s a movie that we like, or it’s a hero that we like, then we just get caught in it. So similarly for us, in the inner world, the stimuli that appear, if we are habituated to responding to them, then we get carried away by the response.
We are habituated to doing that activity. So if for somebody, worrying has become a habit. So now worry is itself not a bad thing.
Of course, the word worry itself has a negative connotation. But if we use the word worry, anxiety, fear, all these have something common in them. The world we live in, there are some things that are in our control, and some things, as Vineet said, are not in our control.
But even the things that are not in our control matter to us. As if I had to catch a flight, and I’m caught in traffic. Whether I will reach there or not, I don’t know.
That causes me anxiety. So anxiety itself is just a fact of life. We could call it fear.
We could call it worry. When things that are important for us are not in our control, then we get anxiety. But when that is all that dominates our mind, say for example, if I come to the edge of a 50-storey building and start peering out of the window, I feel some fear.
And that fear protects me. I shouldn’t fall down from here. And that fear is not only not bad, it is good.
Otherwise, I’ll just peer down too much. If a child who is reckless starts peering down and doesn’t feel any fear, and the mother will feel great fear, hey, come back, what are you doing? What are you doing? So fear can be a protector from unnecessary danger. But different from fear is fearfulness.
When there is a danger, and then I observe it and I analyse it. Okay, I move away from it, or I do something to protect myself. That is good.
But fearfulness means that the stimulus is no longer there, but still I am fearful. Say for example, I have come back to my home, I’m sitting comfortably on an easy chair, and my mind starts replaying, oh, what if I fall down from that 50-storey building? So there’s no stimulus actually, or the stimulus had come and gone, but it’s being replayed in my mind. So when this happens, this is when we get anxiety.
So anxiety is, if it is guarding us from something unwanted, that is good. But when the stimulus is no longer present, and still it starts replaying in our mind, that’s when it becomes not just anxiety, it becomes some kind of anxiety disorder, which becomes a problem. So similarly for us, whichever emotion we are in, so that is an emotion that we feel.
It’s a state of mind. But also, when we keep doing it habitually again and again, that is what we tend to do. Because the gap between the stimulus and the response becomes lesser and lesser.
It’s like, say, another example, I mean, say, if somebody visits some websites, I am from India, and India has a very well-known movie industry called Bollywood. So somebody has gone to the website called Bollywood.com, and they have visited regularly. And then they come for a yoga programme, and they hear of Bhagavad Gita.
And they want to Google Bhagavad Gita. And they type Bhagavad Gita, for that they type B. Now what will happen, as soon as they type B, what will their browser complete it as? Bollywood.com. Now they wanted to type Bhagavad Gita, but because they have typed Bollywood repeatedly, so what has happened? Now Bollywood will come. So that’s stored as a preference in the browser.
So now in this case, going to Bollywood.com is a choice. But because it was chosen repeatedly, now it is stored as a preference, and that’s what comes again, again and again. So it’s both a choice and a stored preference.
Similarly for us, our psychological behavioural patterns, whether they be anger, whether they be depression, whether they be anxiety, they are both choices, as well as stored preferences. So they are both things that we feel, and things that are stored within us, which make us feel that way. So the more a person becomes angry, first time I become angry and shout at someone.
Till then I may never have shouted. I shout at someone, and the next time again provocative situation comes, again I shout at that person. Again I shout at that person.
And then shouting at others, yelling at others becomes my habit. So basically, whatever actions we do, they become stored as preferences within us, and they start being done again and again and again. So with respect to gratitude, if our mind, on the inner screen, the inner screen is the mind, if on that inner screen, unwanted imagery is coming, all the things that went wrong, this went wrong, this went wrong, this went wrong, or this may go wrong, this may go wrong, this may go wrong.
If that is coming, then gratitude itself is something which is almost impossible to have. I mean, yes, I want to feel grateful, but inside me, all hundreds of unwanted images are there. And this makes me feel worried, this makes me feel angry, this makes people depressed.
How can I be grateful? So gratitude is not just a state of mind, it is a state of being. What do I mean by this? That if I want to be grateful, I need to have imagery inside me that makes me feel grateful. If the imagery inside me is what makes me agitated, then to be grateful is going to be difficult.
So what do we do? How can we change, this is going to be the last part of the talk, then we can have some reflections or questions. How do we change imagery inside us? There are two main steps in this. First is that we need to conscientiously understand and remember that we are not the inner screen, that we are different from whatever is appearing inside us.
The Bhagavad Gita gives a very beautiful example to illustrate this. In the second chapter, 70th verse, आपूर्यमानं अचलः प्रतीष्टं समूद्रमापः प्रविशन्ति यद्वद् तद्वद् कामायं प्रविशन्ति सर्वे सशान्ति माप्नोतिन कामकामे आपूर्यमानं अचलः प्रतीष्टं समूद्रमापः प्रविशन्ति यद्वद् तद्वद् कामायं प्रविशन्ति सर्वे सशान्ति माप्नोतिन कामायं flow into their consciousness. But because their consciousness is like an ocean, they are not disturbed.
So the stimuli flowing in are like rivers. So while we are sitting right now and talking this, suddenly we think, oh I’ve got to do this work. I told them to do that.
Have they done it or not? I have to arrange for this. I have to arrange for that. All these stimuli keep popping up.
But if our consciousness is like an ocean, they’re like rivers. They’ll come in. We wanted to stop them, but they won’t disturb us.
However, if our consciousness is not like an ocean, it is like a small puddle. If it is like a small puddle, if a river flows into a puddle, it will overflow immediately and everything will be disrupted. So similarly for us, if internally we are not full, if our consciousness is shrunk, then sometimes it happens for us in the morning, we start off the day, we are very cheerful, we are happy.
One thing goes wrong, we tolerate it. Okay, these things happen. Another thing goes wrong, somebody does something else.
Okay, we tolerate it. Third thing, fourth thing, by the time it’s evening, the eleventh person does something, makes one unreasonable request and then we explode at them. Why don’t you use your intelligence? Why can’t you do it yourself? Why are you troubling me like this? That person, what happened? I just asked a simple question.
So what happens normally, especially with respect to anger, the trigger of anger and the target of anger are often different things. Sometimes in your office, the boss may have had a quarrel at home with their significant other and they come to office and then they shout at their subordinates. So what has happened? The trigger is one thing, the target is another thing.
So in this case, what has happened? At the start of the day, our consciousness was like an ocean. So even if somebody said something, okay, it doesn’t matter. One, two, three, but as more and more problems keep coming, then the consciousness starts shrinking.
From the ocean, it starts becoming like a puddle. And when the eleventh person says something, it’s just a little water flowing in, but the puddle overflows and we yell at them. So basically, this imagery that our inner world is like an ocean, this is basically to understand that the stimuli that are coming in, if we are internally secure, if we are internally oceanic, then they will not disturb us.
So going back to the earlier imagery of the screen and the seer, to the extent that I remember that I am the seer, not the screen. To that extent, I understand that, okay, this thing has happened. This thought has come.
This problem is there, but I am secure. I am different from it. I am spiritual.
So spiritual means I’m indestructible. None of this actually affects me. I am beyond all this.
To the extent we remember our spirituality, to that extent, we stay like the ocean. But to the extent we start forgetting our spirituality and we start conflating with whatever imagery is appearing on our inner mind, on our inner screen, to that extent, as the two get merged more and more, we become like a puddle. We start becoming too emotionally invested or even fixated in certain things.
Say if we all need relationships, we all want to love and be loved, but if we become too dependent on someone, then that person’s little displeasure is like devastating for us. Now that level of emotional dependency on anyone is unhealthy because what has happened over there? Our whole inner world has become fixated on that one person. And then it’s like the consciousness has shrunk to the size of that person.
And if anything unfavourable comes from them, we feel as if it is is devastating for us. So the first part I said for changing the imagery on in our inner screen is to understand that I am not that inner screen, that I am different from it. So whenever we start feeling agitated by anything, it’s worry or fear or depression or whatever, usually I take it away.
This is just an image that has popped up. So do I want to process it right now? Or yeah, sometimes we are working on a computer and suddenly a notification comes up. A new software update is available.
Do you want to update right now? Now you can say yes or no. Or later we can say. Remind me after an hour.
So like that, if we become more aware of the dynamics in our inner world, then we can, as soon as some worrisome thought comes in, we step back. Oh, do I need to do this right now? Okay, yeah, this is something which I want to learn from. Maybe I’ll hold it there.
I’ll come back to it later. Let me focus on what I’m doing right now. And then later on when we are calmer, we’ll process it and evaluate it.
So this is just distancing ourselves from the imagery on our inner screen that itself will enable us to choose which image to let it zoom, to get maximised and which to keep minimised. Now one thing about this is that even the unwanted imagery, it’s difficult to get rid of it. Sometimes in our computers, some pop-up comes up or some window zooms up, some softwares, they just pop up some window and you try to find a cross and there’s no cross anywhere.
It’s just there. So all that we can do is, can’t minimise them or can’t eliminate them, just drag them aside. Drag them aside and continue the work.
So in our inner world, we can’t not think of something. If I, for example, if I, as I said, if I touch this phone and it gives me electric shock, then I’ll just drop it and I may decide I’m not going to touch this phone. But I can’t do that with my inner world.
If I say I’m not going to think of this, if I say okay I’m not going to think of this person, I’m not going to think of this habit, I’m not going to think of that event. Just by saying that I’m not going to think of that, I’m already thinking of that. If you conceive thought as a subtle energy, then when I say I’m not going to think of this, then that subtle energy of thought has already reached out and touched that object.
To better understand this, suppose I tell you right now, for the next 30 seconds, please don’t think of a pink monkey. You can think of whatever you want, but don’t think of a pink monkey. A pink monkey is all that you shouldn’t think about.
Now, till now, you may never have thought of a pink monkey in your life. But if I tell you don’t think about it, you’ll start thinking about it. So, this is an important point.
Even when we recognise, okay, this is just a window that has appeared on me, my inner screen, we can’t get rid of it. In the sense that, we can’t stop thinking of something by deciding I’ll not think of it. What we can do is, we can direct our thoughts somewhere else.
Okay, this window is open, I can’t find a way to minimise it. Just push it in a corner and continue my work, reading, writing, whatever it is, watching something else. So, like that, once we understand that I am different from the inner screen, then I can evaluate what appears on my inner screen and then choose whether I need to focus on it now or whether I need to focus on it at all.
And the second step, so this is more analytical and this requires understanding ourselves as spiritual beings different from the inner screen. The Bhakti Yoga tradition, of which I am a part, says that we are not just isolated spiritual beings. No, we are eternal parts of an infinite spiritual whole.
And we are not alone in the universe. There is a higher order, higher plan, a higher purpose to everything that happens. So, that higher governing principle is known by different names in different traditions.
In the Bhakti tradition, that higher governing principle is known by the name Krishna. So, the soul is said to be a part of the whole. And the soul has an eternal relationship with the whole.
So, say, a child is sitting and watching a horror movie. Yeah, watching a horror movie. And as he is watching the horror movie, he is getting panicky, trembling, screaming, shivering.
Now, the mother is sitting right next to the child. But the child is so frenzied that if the mother touches the child even to comfort him, the child will think this monster from the movie is coming out. The child will become very panicky.
So, at that time, he is completely caught in the horror movie and is not able to perceive anything else. Now, the mother wants to help the child. But what does she do? She knows, if I touch the child here, it’s not going to work.
So, whatever is on the inner screen, the mother also has a remote for that. So, she changes, takes hold of the remote and changes what is appearing on the TV. And on the TV, instead of the horror movie, say, there is a movie with the mother in it.
And he says, oh, who is this? She looks so nice. She looks so loving. And what is happening, the child may not even get it.
Okay. And as he keeps looking at this mother, oh, she is so nice. She looks so loving.
She looks so nice. And as he keeps getting attracted to her and keeps watching what she is doing, where she is going, how she is, as the affection for the mother starts awakening more and more, that same mother comes and touches. Oh, you are here.
And hugs the mother’s legs. And then he comes out of that nightmare. That horror movie which is causing a nightmare comes out of it.
So, similarly, the bhakti tradition says that ultimately for us to be positive, to be grateful, to have healthy emotions, we need to become aware of not just our spirituality, but also our spiritual relationship with the whole. And the Bhagavad Gita explains that right next to us, in our own hearts, is a manifestation of divinity that is present. Like the mother sitting next to the child.
But we are so caught in looking at what appears on the screen, and what is happening in the world out there, that we are completely oblivious to the presence of the divine right next to us. So that’s why, just like on the TV, the mother started appearing. As if a tape, a recording of the mother was played over there.
So, similarly, what the bhakti tradition recommends is, that in the outer world, and in the images in our inner world, we bring in as much spiritual imagery as possible. So, for example, it can be some sacred books, it can be some sacred mantras, it can be some sacred imagery, or we go to some holy places of pilgrimage, and observe over there, hear, take in the atmosphere over there. So the more the spiritual stimuli that we bring in on the outer screen, the more, in the outer world, for us, the more it will appear on the inner screen.
And the more it appears on the inner screen, the more we will become calmer. The more we will become, not just calmer in the sense of looking at the positive in this world, but we will see the positive beyond this world. We will see that we are situated, not only in our own spirituality, but we are also situated in the security of the supreme spiritual reality.
Normally, in material consciousness, we only look at two things. The things are in my control, or things are out of my control. But when we become spiritually conscious, we understand that even the things that are out of my control are not out of control.
There is some higher plan. And with that understanding, we respond more calmly, more maturely. So, I’ll just finish this point with an experience I had.
I travel all over the world. Last year, when I had come to America, I landed at the airport. Actually, I was going from one city to another.
And as I was entering the airport at the security clearance, suddenly, a loud alarm came. And then, before I knew what was happening, there were six security personnel pointing their guns at me. I said, what happened? So, one of them said that they found my crutches.
The crutches that are here, where are they? Okay, they’re behind me. So, the crutches, when they were going through security, a high explosive alert came from them. So, they said, we’ll have to take you to a separate room and we’ll have to search you.
Initially, I was just annoyed, but then they said that I was thinking I’m getting late, I’ll miss the flight. They said, actually, we’ll have to break your crutches. I said, break my crutches? How will I walk? So, maybe again, the trigger of anger and target of anger being different.
Maybe this person had a quarrel with his significant other or whatever. He said, that’s not my problem. So, I was getting a little alarmed.
And then, things were becoming more and more serious. Just pick up the crutches and he was looking, how do I break it? So then, as I was thinking, I was becoming a little fearful. As was mentioned, I love the Bhagavad Gita.
So, I keep reciting the verses from the Bhagavad Gita. In my mind, I try to recite them. So, at that time, suddenly, this verse from the 18th chapter, 61st verse came in my mind.
It says basically that we are all situated in a machine and are wandering in this world. But guiding our wanderings is the Supreme Being. So, as I recited that verse, ईश्वर सर्वभूतानां विद्धेशे अर्जुनतिष्टति ब्रामयन सर्वभूताने यंत्रारूद्हानिमायय Just thinking like this, just suddenly, it’s almost an extraordinary peace came over me.
I started thinking, I have travelled several hundred times in flights. Before that, I have travelled so many times in so many different places. So many things could have gone wrong at any time.
But through it all, I have come out safe. And if I consider that I am a spiritual being, I have travelled through many lifetimes also. Going from one body to another body.
At that time, I had no idea where I was going, what I was going to be in future. But through it all, I have been guided. So, even through this situation, I will be guided.
Just thinking like this, great calm came over me. Let die, will be done. Just surrendered.
Just I let go of trying to control the situation. Suddenly, what happened? There was another security officer who came. He said, what is going on over here? Apparently, he was the boss of this person.
He said, we found a high security alert. He looked at me, he looked at the crutches. He said, don’t trouble him.
He said, we will have to do a check. He was talking the same thing, but he talked very calmly. And they both looked at the crutches.
And then he said, Oh, these crutches, they are removable, aren’t they? They are openable. I said, yes. Then we don’t need to bring.
And they opened it. When they opened it, started pulling out some things. And then some dirt came out from there.
I said, what is this? He said, it’s dirt. So what is it doing over there? What had happened, before coming to America, I had gone in India to a sacred place called Vrindavan. It is on the coast of a river, sacred river Jamuna.
But that river has become, because of industrialisation, extremely polluted. So while I was walking on the banks of the Jamuna, just taking in the sacred air, the rubber padding that was there in my crutches had come off. And then I had to walk without the rubber padding.
So the soil from the Jamuna, soil from that river bank, had gone inside the crutches. And because that river was very polluted, so the sedimented soil on the other side, near it, was also having high metal content. And that was detected as explosive.
So they took out a little more of the dirt. I said, is there anything else? He said, no, there is only dirt over there. I said, okay, I am not going to clean it for you.
After you go from here, then you clean it yourself. So then they let me go from it. So basically, at that point, I was fearful, I was feeling annoyed, then I was feeling irritated, then I was feeling alarmed.
But just that remembrance, that there is a higher spiritual reality, that there is something higher guiding me, just calmed me down completely. Similarly for us, whenever difficulties come in, if we can become spiritually conscious at that time, we will find the negativity going down, and the positivity within us going up. So this is what spiritual practise is meant for.
Now yoga, when we do, it is not just a particular physical posture, or not just a particular state of the mind. It is all meant to raise us in spiritual awareness. And to the extent we rise in spiritual awareness, to that extent, we start experiencing peace, positivity and power.
And with that peace, positivity and power, whatever negativities come in our life, we will be able to process them appropriately, not let them zoom up and fill our inner screen, but keep them in context, and respond to them in a way that brings perspective for us, and gives us the ability to deal with those situations. So I will summarise what I spoke today. I started by speaking about gratitude is not just an attitude, it is an awareness.
And awareness means, awareness of what? I talked about how there is the inner screen, on which different images appear. So becoming aware that we are different from the inner screen. So just like a monitor on which different images may come in from a high security room, the doors, whatever are coming in, so like that, on this inner screen, the images come in from our senses, and they come in from our past memories also.
So if the inner screen starts displaying the past, and all the bad things that have happened, that causes depression. If it starts displaying all the bad things that may happen in the future, that causes anxiety. So for the inner screen to display the image that we want it to display, healthy for us, that is the way to emotional health.
And we did the thought exercise where, the inner seer is different from the inner screen. Look at that. And to be able to have the positive imagery on the inner screen, what do we do? I talk about distance ourselves from it.
Distance ourselves from it means that we make our consciousness like an ocean. And then, even if rivers come in, various images pop up over there, we don’t get carried away by those images. Because we understand, okay, this is just images that have popped up, they are there, and they will go away.
We can’t eliminate the thoughts, we can’t not think of them, but we can think of something more positive. So through our introspection, if we, the more we are attracted to something, the impulse and the response get tied together. That means the image comes up, and immediately we respond to it, identifying with it.
But to the extent we become more introspective, we will be able to see, this image is coming, but I don’t have to get carried away by it. So that’s the analytical or the intellectual way of distancing ourselves from the unwanted imagery. The devotional way, the bhakti way of doing it is, that there is this horror movie going on, but instead of that horror movie, the mother helps to put a very soothing tape of herself with her child.
The child becomes calm. So similarly, the bhakti yoga process is about getting spiritual stimuli in the outer world, and then having them appear on the screen. That reminds us not only of our spirituality, but also of our spiritual connection with the supreme reality.
And that brings us peace at a much higher and easier level. So to the extent, we can understand our spirituality and understand our connection with the whole, to that extent, we can minimise whatever other images are coming, and focus purposefully on the things that are important for us. Thereby we can get peace, power and perspective and move forwards in our life.
Thank you very much. Namaste. Hare Krishna.
So other comments, questions? Maybe we could just have some reflections that you could speak some things, which you felt you, maybe some takeaway for you, which you would carry with you. Yeah, paying attention. Yeah, paying attention to what is appearing in our inner mind also, in our inner screen, and not just getting carried away with it.
That itself can help us substantially decrease our agitation and become calm. Thank you. How do we distance ourselves from jealousy? Again, there is an outer cause for it.
We see somebody who has something better than us, or who has something that we want to have, but they have got it. So, basically all of us have a need for self-affirmation or self-validation. The world is so big and we can appear so tiny that we may feel that I am insignificant.
And we often, we get our sense of self-worth from the things that are outside of us. So if I get something good in the outer world, that makes me feel I am worth something. That’s the reason why some people when they feel bad, they adopt what is called retail therapy.
Retail therapy, they start buying things. I buy this, I buy this, I buy this. Oh, I can buy so many things that make me feel good about myself.
So this may give us some good feeling, but basically we are becoming dependent on externals for our self-worth. So, rather than trying to get what somebody else has got and thereby trying to feel better or trying to take away from that person what they have so that they don’t feel so good and that makes us feel good. It’s a very distorted way of living.
What we could do is if we can go inwards and look at what is our actual need. We often think that I want this, I want that, I want that. However, ultimately what we need is affection, belonging.
What we want is to feel valued, to feel loved. And we hope that by getting this or getting that that will help us to feel valued and to be loved. But no matter how many things we get in the outer world or no matter how many things we don’t get, as long as our self-worth is dependent on those things, till that point we will be insecure.
Now, this doesn’t mean that we don’t care about things in the outer world or we just give up the things in the outer world. But rather we can see that occurrence of jealousy as a reminder that we need to shift the centre of our consciousness from outwards to inwards. So, through spiritual practises like yoga, like meditation, like mantra chanting, we can centre ourselves within us.
So, every outer incident that stimulates a negative emotion within me, whether it be jealousy or whether it be anger or whether it be fear, it is a reminder to me that my centre is somewhere displaced. So, now getting ourselves centred on our spirituality is a long-term process. But at a practical level, that is what we have to do if we want to get inner calm.
Say, if a patient is sick, then the doctor will give a curative medicine. If the patient is in pain, the doctor may give also a pain medicine. But the pain medicine is not the curative medicine.
So, the real cure is by taking the curative medicine. So, what I am talking about is getting our centre within ourselves, that is the curative medicine which we need to have. But along with that, if the stressful situation is there, the pain medicine in terms of external measure can also be taken.
So, external measure would be what exactly is it that is causing me jealousy? Is it that this person got this and I wanted to get this? Then, okay, in my situation, what is it that I can get? And more importantly, what is it that I really wanted by getting this? Often, we get fixated with particular desires or particular objects that we desire. And sometimes those desirable objects don’t come in our life, we feel very agitated. But if you go deeper, what do I exactly want? Oh, I wanted this car, I wanted this relationship, I wanted this job.
What exactly did I want? I wanted this job for what? I wanted a respectable position in society. I wanted a respectable position for what? As we go deeper, what do I exactly want? So, often in situations where we feel that we are being deprived of something, now the specific object may not be immediately attainable for us, but what we wanted by that object, that if we go deeper, that might be attainable in some other way. So, if we go deeper to understand what our actual need is, then at a practical level, we can also address that.
So, both ways. So, arranging for something at a practical external level, that is like the pain medicine. It is often needed while we are functioning in the world.
But along with that, trying to practise a spiritual process by which we can centre our being within ourselves, that is the ultimate cure. Okay? Would anyone else like to share any reflection, anything, any carry home point that you would like to take? Or any question? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, that’s true. Actually, I would say that that was a spiritual experience that just happened to me. Sometimes we try to cultivate spirituality and try to become spiritual.
But there are times when I have also got agitated. I have got worried. It’s not that I am always very calm and serene.
But that was a particular experience that just happened to me. So, there are times if we strive to follow a spiritual path, then we are trying to cultivate spirituality gradually. But sometimes the spiritual consciousness just comes upon us.
It’s like in science or in art. Sometimes a scientist or an artist is trying to get some insight. Get some understanding.
How to solve this equation? How to write this sentence? How to draw this painting? They are thinking various things but nothing comes. And suddenly at one point something comes up. Hey, this is how you can do it.
That’s inspiration. So, inspiration in the spiritual realm, in the material realm, inspiration could mean that we get the insight about how to solve a problem. In the spiritual realm, in the spiritual arena, inspiration would mean that we get that awakening.
Even if briefly. This is the reality. It’s not that we consciously strive to get there.
And it’s not that the remaining time, all the time we are there. But just for those few moments when we are there, we understand that this is real. Not only is it real, one of my friends who has a deeper spiritual experience, he told me that when he has these experiences, it’s like they are realer than reality.
The experiences are realer than the reality that we experience. So, they are like the samples of what lies ahead for us. We are getting advance glimpses of what lies ahead for us if we move forward in our spiritual journey.
Thank you. Okay, yeah. So, as you start practising spirituality, do we start seeing changes in the inner world? Yes, definitely.
Like, I would say that maybe 25 years ago, before I started practising spirituality, I was studying engineering at that time. I was known to be a very short-tempered person. I just exploded people.
But it was actually within just a couple of years of practising spirituality, it was not that the temper went away. If we consider our consciousness to be like a sine wave, sometimes there’s a crest and sometimes there’s a trough. Sometimes it goes high up.
Sometimes it just goes low down. And those waves also just go up and down so fast. So, what I found was that oscillations still happen.
But then, they’re more gradual. And the highs are not so high, the lows are not so low. So, it’s becoming steadier.
And it’s not just becoming steadier horizontally, it’s also the overall level of consciousness is rising up. That means what? See, there is happiness which we sometimes experience in life. All of us, while we live in the world, there are dualities.
So, we are happy sometimes, unhappy sometimes. We are excited sometimes, bored sometimes. But while these specific emotional states go up and down, we can say we all have a happiness level.
That means when there are no major oscillations of our consciousness, where does our consciousness settle at? So, some people, their habitual consciousness is they are irritated. Once in a while they are happy, but most of the time they are irritated. Some people, their habitual consciousness is that they are just so depressed about things.
So, we can see by the practise of spirituality, the ups and downs will happen. But I can say that the overall happiness level goes up. So, if I am doing nothing, if I am trying to do something purposeful, it’s working out, I may be happy.
If it’s not working out, I may be a little concerned, may be a little annoyed. So, that is just natural when we are engrossed in the world trying to do things. Those ups and downs will be there.
But in the normal state, the consciousness becomes, the overall happiness level goes up. And when these various emotions come up in the inner screen, it depends on how deep-rooted the impressions are. So, some people, for them, anger might just be an impression which is there slightly.
They start practising spirituality, it goes away. For some people, anger is not just a circumstantial emotion. It is like a core defence mechanism for them.
They use anger as a way to protect themselves from being hurt. So, then unless they find out some healthier way to have a defence mechanism, that impression may not go away immediately. So, it depends on, see, whatever I said earlier, like, our choices become preferences stored within us.
So, some preferences are very deep-rooted. So, some people, if somebody wants to give up alcohol, they’ve been drinking alcohol and they want to give up drinking. Now, some people may just be social drinkers.
When you are in a group of people, just to be a part of the crowd, you drink. And if they decide, I don’t want to drink, if they are no longer in that group, they are hanging out with people who don’t drink, they will not drink at all. Because it was just circumstantial.
So, in that case, even if it pops up, no, I don’t want to do it, just neglect it. But for some people, drinking may be an escape way. Whenever they feel distressed, they feel agitated, drink, they feel good.
Now, unless they find a healthier way to address that need, whenever they feel depressed, whenever they feel agitated, unless they find a healthier way, that will not go away. So, basically, the point I’m making here is that our actions and especially our desires, even our unhealthy desires are actually simply misdirected expressions of healthy needs. So, when there’s distress, I need relief.
And relief is a healthy need. Like if it’s hot, I need to feel some cool air. Now, similarly, we all need relief.
But sometimes, based on the way we have lived in the past, we may be seeking relief in unhealthy ways. So then, once I understand, okay, why am I drinking? It’s not just because the alcohol is so, I like the taste so much. It’s because I’m using it to gain relief.
And then I find a healthier way to gain that relief. So, this may require some homework. So, the point I’m making is that the change definitely happens by spiritual practise.
Especially by devotional spiritual practise, it becomes much faster. But some changes may happen quickly for some people. For some people, some changes may take a little longer time.
It depends on how tightly the impulse and response are tied together. And not just how tightly they are tied together, why they are tied together. And whatever is the need that is being fulfilled, if that need is addressed in a healthier way, then we will be able to change it much faster.
Depression. So, when we can’t avoid anxiety and depression, then how can we be calm or grateful in those situations? See, we can’t be grateful for all situations. But we can be grateful in all situations.
Now, what do I mean by this difference? That I can’t be, in fact… Yeah. So, I’ll just… Which you can… It’s a reflection which you can carry with you. But, basically, there are some times in life when bad things do happen.
And when bad things happen, it’s very difficult to have a positive emotion about that bad thing. Say, I’ve been diagnosed with some disease. Now, it’s very difficult for me to feel grateful for that disease.
What do you mean? How can we be grateful for that disease? But, even in that situation, I can’t be grateful for that situation, but I can look at what is good in that situation. Yeah, I’ve got this disease, but I have a supportive family, I have a good friend circle, I have a good doctor who is guiding me well. I found a diagnosis.
This treatment is known to work. So, I can be still… I can still look at the good things in my life and be grateful for those good things. See, the nature of the mind is that, especially our mind, when it is filled with negative impressions, it just fixates on the negatives.
This has gone wrong. And when it goes wrong, then that wrong that has happened, it zooms up within us. And then that occupies our mind completely.
So, that bad event that has happened, that’s happened. And as an inner screen, its representation is going to come as a window on our inner screen. That’s also there.
But how much do I obsess on it? Okay, I’ve got this disease, that’s true. It may be a major disease, I have to deal with it. But if I just keep looking at that and keep feeling sorry for myself, then the problem is going to become worse.
But if I turn and look at what is good in my life at that time, so then we can be relatively more peaceful. The nature of the mind is it always tends to be dissatisfied. This is not there, this is not there.
Like sometimes if we have some children, you give them 50 toys and they go to the shop and they say, I want a 51st toy. I want this toy. He says, No, not now.
I want this toy. No, not now. I want this toy.
No, not now. And the child starts crying, throwing a tantrum. And the child says to the mother, You don’t love me only.
Now, the mother is given 50 toys and not just toys, the mother has provided so much for the child. But the child just looks at that one thing which has not been provided and from that one thing that is not given, the child starts saying, You don’t love me only. Similarly for us, the inner screen, that mind is like that child.
That means, there will be many good things in our life but the one thing that is wrong, that’s what we obsess on. And then, this is not working. That means nobody cares for me, nobody loves me.
One of my friends is a mental health care counsellor and he was telling me, he responds to suicide calls. So somebody just calls and there is a suicide watch or sometimes people are about to commit suicide, then just before committing suicide, you can call on this line and then talk with them and people may console them. Or if somebody has committed suicide, they are rushed to their place and then they try to save them.
So he was telling about this girl, she was in a relationship with a boy and they were having some ups and downs in the relationship. But this girl called this boy and the boy didn’t pick up the phone. And just from that thing, the girl tried to commit suicide.
But now, it is just a missed call. She thought, his boy didn’t pick up my phone. That means he doesn’t love me.
He doesn’t love me means that now I am alone, I am unloved. If he doesn’t love me, maybe no one else will also love me. I will always stay alone and single and I will have a lonely life.
I am unloved, I am unloveable. What is the use of my life? And she tried to commit suicide. Now somebody not picking up a phone call, how big is the thing is that? But the mind can work in such a way that one call not responded can be made into a devastating event.
So, I am giving this as an example to illustrate that that the bad thing may be there. In this case, it was not even a really bad thing. The boy was just busy.
He himself was very apologetic that I didn’t pick up the phone call. But he never imagined that she would try something like this because of that. But the thing is that sometimes a small thing can be made by the mind into a big thing.
And even a big thing is there, it doesn’t have to be made the only reality of life. Our mind is such that even if we went to paradise where everything is good, everything is as we want, the mind will say, yes, but, so it will always find something which is not to the mark. That’s why the bad things will happen and it is difficult to be grateful for the bad thing.
But what we can do is in that bad thing, if we shift our vision to what are the good things in my life and that thing, that can give us some perspective, that can give us some peace and then we can deal with that bad thing better. Okay? Yeah, please. So I have, as was mentioned in the beginning, I have a small website called Gita Daily where I write on the Bhagavad Gita every day a small 300 word meditation.
This is one of the reflections on gratitude, the last point which I said. Even in paradise, the mind will say, yes, but. This is a reflection that you can carry with you.
You can use it. So I would like to thank especially Gemma for organising this and for hosting us. Thank you.