Healthy self-understanding 4 – Reasons to be kind to ourselves

[Retreat in Leicester, UK]

Video:

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
In the Vishnu Sahasranam, where it is said that, there are two names given for Vishnu, Animisho, Nimisha Swagri, Vachaspati Rudharadhi. Animisha is one who never blinks his eyes, and Nimisha is one who blinks his eyes. So Baldev Vidyamukha explains over there, that Animisha means that if a devotee is trying to serve Krishna, then Krishna unblinkingly notes, even the smallest service that the devotee is doing.
And Nimisha means, if a devotee commits some mistake, Krishna blinks his eyes and overlooks the mistake. So the example is that how, when Putana, she came to kill Krishna, Krishna closed his eyes. Krishna overlooked her demoniac mentality and delivered her and made her into his nurse.
And one time, now Krishna’s finger had got cut. So Draupadi, immediately, she was there, she ripped a part of her saree and bandaged Krishna. So Krishna told her, I’ll reward you for this.
And he offered her unlimited saree later. So, Krishna loves us very much and these kind of reflections can inspire us to direct our love towards him. Animisha and Nimisha.
Animisha and Nimisha. Animisha and Nimisha, yes. Any other points anyone would like to share? That is more of, yeah, Nimisha, Dhakyo, which also comes in there, but that is referring more to, even that much time I am unable to bear it.
Yugaayatam, Nimishena, Chakshusha, Pravrushayatam. So it refers to the time duration it takes to blink an eye. Anyone else would like to speak any point which you felt you would be carrying home with you? Yes, please.
Yes, thank you. Tolerance is exalted so much that we sometimes get the idea that we have to tolerate everything. Bhaktiswaran Vidhakur says that broadly there are two kinds, the western civilisation and the Indian civilisation, he says.
In the Indian civilisation the whole focus was usually on Jnanendriyas. That means try to acquire understanding by which you can accept the things. Whereas in the western civilisation the focus is more on Karmendriyas.
Do things. And, now both of these have advantage and disadvantage. In the western civilisation because there is so much focus on doing things, so anything that is difficult, change it.
So this over-emphasis on changing can lead to lack of commitment to anything. This is the work of try that, try that, try that. But on the other hand in the western civilisations where there is a greater emphasis on just try to understand and accept.
There the result can be that people can end up subjecting themselves to abuse without doing anything about it. So, in that sense lacking tolerance is also a problem. But in another sense that just something which cannot be tolerated and tolerating that simply hurts us.
That balance is required. Thank you. Any other points? So, this will be a last session but we may have a break at around 6.10, 6.15 and then we will come back for question and answers depending on how it goes.
So, this last session I titled it as learning to be kind to ourselves. Learning to be kind to ourselves means that we all have to, I talked about redefining, the topic was redefining our relationship with ourselves. So, we are our only resource and how do we deal with ourselves? So, there are times when we will all commit mistakes and if I commit mistakes we disappoint as ourselves, we do something wrong and then what do we do with ourselves? Sometimes it is that other people may deal harshly with us.
Basically, things can go wrong in our life in three broad ways. One is somebody hurts us. Second is that just by the way things turn out, things go wrong.
You know, we trusted someone, they betray us. Or we are just going on a road and a storm comes and we meet with an accident. It is the nature of the world.
And sometimes we ourselves make mistakes. We do something wrong, we make a mistake and then we hurt ourselves. One devotee friend of mine was learning driving and when he was driving somehow a car came in front of him and he wanted to press the brake but by mistake he pressed the gas.
Bang! It went and hit the other car. So, he just got so angry with himself, what a stupid person I am. But then, yeah, we are all human beings, we commit mistakes sometimes.
So, for some of us, we may not be violent towards others. Most of us, if you have grown up in reasonably cultured families, even if we get angry we won’t become physically abusive towards others. And we may even be a little careful in the way we speak words to others.
But we often, there is violence, anger which is expressed outwards which comes as violence towards others. But anger can be expressed in words also. And anger that is expressed in words, which I keep beating myself, you fool, why did you do that? Why did you do that? Why are you like that? That anger directed towards oneself can also be damaging.
This is anger directed towards others can be damaging. So, sometimes we all commit mistakes and we want to learn from our mistakes but it may take time to overcome some mistake. So, being kind to ourselves means, and dealing with ourselves in a way that ensures that we never lose our morale.
We never become disheartened. We never lose till we lose hope. And if we lose hope, then whatever we have, it is not of much use.
So, if we commit mistakes and then I beat myself, fool, why did I do that? Why did I do that? Well, yes, we want to learn from our mistakes, no doubt. And that means also recognising that maybe I should be more cautious, more responsible, more careful. That’s fine.
But then I have to move on in my life. So, if, I’ll give two examples of what I mean by being kind to ourselves or being harsh to ourselves. Sometimes it is said that we should be gentle with others, lenient with others, and be strict with ourselves.
Say, for example, you’re following some principles. If I want to follow a principle, I’ll follow it with strictness. But I’ll be understanding towards others.
That is true. We don’t want to be judgemental towards others. But it’s also that we shouldn’t be judgemental towards ourselves.
What do I mean by being judgemental towards ourselves? That there are certain strengths we have, certain weaknesses we have. And sometimes the mind says, if you’re going to do it, do it perfectly. Otherwise, there’s no use of doing it.
Well, which thing in our life did we ever start off perfectly? If we were children and we learned to ride a bicycle. The first time we got on the bicycle and started smoothly riding. No, we fell down.
When we were babies, we started walking for the first time. So many times we stood up and we fell. If as a baby, we had that ego.
If I’m going to walk, I’m going to walk perfectly. If I’m going to fall down, what is the use of walking? No, life doesn’t ever work like that. We start off and we do it perfectly.
So we all commit mistakes. And we all learn through mistakes. So recognising that committing mistakes is just an essential part of growing.
Nobody can grow without committing mistakes. Srila Prabhupada himself, when he started the Krishna Consciousness Movement, he started with whoever is available, with whatever resources are available, he started it. And gradually devotees became trained, devotees became expert, and the movement went on.
So when we are practising bhakti, and when we find that, okay, I have this problem, I have that problem, or we are in our relationships, it is that sometimes we blame others, and sometimes we blame ourselves. And either way, it is that blaming is not helpful. Because it simply keeps us in the mood of just assigning the blame for a problem, but not focussing on the solution to the problem.
So being kind to ourselves means if I commit a mistake, and okay, I made that mistake, it’s happened, let me move on in my life. So it’s happened in the past. If I can learn something from it, I learn from it.
But now I move forward. Another thing is sometimes we may, I’ll come back to how to move forward a little bit later once again. But another point is, we make some resolutions, you know, I’m going to do this, or I’m not going to do this.
And then we fail in our resolution. And then we fail. I have no willpower.
I just can’t do anything. I’m good for nothing. But here again, there are many factors involved.
Then if we have a particular habit that we want to give up, make a resolution, I’m not never going to do this again. Actually, these not going to do resolutions are extremely difficult to keep. Why? Because it’s a, we are all by nature, conscious beings who have desires, who have energy, and want to do something.
So if I decide I’m not going to do something, then it’s a negative resolution to not do something creates a sense of deprivation within us. And especially if I say I’m not going to think about this, at the mental world level, it just doesn’t work. If I tell you, for the next 30 seconds, please don’t think of a pink monkey.
Except for a pink monkey, whatever you want, you can think of but just don’t think of a pink monkey. Now in your whole life, you may never have thought of a pink monkey. But if I tell you don’t think of a pink monkey, the mind starts thinking about that.
So the mental level of reality is such that actually, even in deciding to not think of something, we’re already thinking of it. If I consider the mental energy, mental level to be something like if thought we could conceive of as energy, a subtle energy that goes and touches that object of thought. So if say I touch this mic stand, and I find there’s electric current over there, gives me a shock, and I just move my hand away.
Okay, I will not, I will not touch this now again in this class. I can decide that. But so physically, some extent I can decide I’ll not touch this.
But mentally, if I think, I’ll not think of that. We can’t implement that. Because to decide to not think of something is already to think of it.
So therefore, when we make resolutions, making negative resolutions is setting ourselves up for failure. Yes, sometimes we do have to, there are certain things you need to give up. Like when we take initiation, we take a vow, I will not eat meat or whatever.
There are things which we have to give up. But the focus is not on what we will not eat. The focus is on what we will do to connect with Krishna.
So if we decide that, don’t make resolutions that a dead person can keep better than you. I say I am not going to over it ever again. A dead person is not going to over it again.
So if we start making negative resolutions, it just creates a sense of deprivation within us. And it’s almost impossible to keep negative resolutions. So inability to keep negative resolutions doesn’t necessarily mean that we have weak willpower.
There’s no need to judge ourselves and beat ourselves for failing to keep these resolutions. Now, sometimes you may say that okay, I had this habit. And this person had this habit.
They’re chanting and they give up this habit, but I’m not able to give it up. Why is that? Again, each one of our habits serves certain needs for us. Say somebody is an alcoholic.
Some people are simply social drinkers. They go to a party, they go to some office get together or some other friends get together and that’s where everybody is drinking. So in order to belong to the crowd, they start drinking.
But if they come to a group of people who don’t drink, and they start belonging to that society, that social group and they stop drinking. So their drinking was simply a function of the kind of group they were belonging to. But for some other people, they may be drinking because that is their way they get relief from life’s distresses.
Whenever they feel stress, they feel distress, that’s when they drink. And now, if that, that need for relief amidst distress is what is being served by drinking. Now, of course, drinking doesn’t actually provide relief because drinking eventually get a hangover, get other problems.
But at least at that time, it appears as if one has got some relief. So if that need is being served by drinking, then simply willpower, I will never drink again, that is not going to work. Because we all have certain needs which have to be taken care of.
So if we make a resolution, and we find out, I can’t keep that resolution. Instead of beating ourselves up, I don’t have any willpower, what a weak willed person I am, I’m such a terrible person. No.
Try to do some introspection to understand what is the need that this particular habit is served. And suppose I decide, I waste a lot of time surfing on the net, I’m not going to surf on the net henceforth. Well, okay, I’m not going to surf on the net, it’s a good resolution.
I don’t want to waste time. But what need of mine is being served by surfing on the net? It may be that I’m bored. And I feel when I’m bored, there are so many interesting things, so many entertaining things, so many things.
So if I need relief from boredom, and surfing on the net is my way of getting relief from boredom. Unless I find a way to serve that need, to address that need, okay, when I’m bored, unless I create another alternative way for me to get relief from boredom, just giving up that urge to surf on the net is not going to go away. So being kind to ourselves means not just beating ourselves up when we are not able to do something, but trying to go deeper, okay, why is this happening? Now what need is this being served? And for this, we actually need the mode of goodness.
Sattvaat sanjaya te jnanam. In the mode of goodness, illumination happens. So sometimes we make a resolution.
I’m not going to sleep. I’m going to wake up in the morning. And we’d wake up for one day, two days, three days, and then one day just sleep on.
And then we wake up late. What a fool you are, you kept sleeping for so long, kept sleeping for so long, kept sleeping for so long. And then the mind just beats us up.
And sometimes what happens, we make one, so when we are not able to keep a resolution, rather than beating ourselves up, look at what, what was the underlying need. In the mode of ignorance, when we try to say, I gave a whole class on resolutions in the three modes. Resolutions, you know, I make a resolution, people say I’m making new year resolutions.
So sometimes people make, sometimes people say, next there are alcoholics who make a resolution, I’ll give up drinking. It’s a good resolution. Of course, some people are so perverse, they make the opposite revolution.
In this year, I’m going to drink 1000 bottles of alcohol. So people can make all kinds of resolutions. But even if you make a good resolution, a resolution in the mode of passion, we think of success, only if I succeed in this, I’m going to do this, and I’m going to show the world what strong willpower I have.
I decided to give it up, I’m going to give it up. And that is the mode in the resolution. As I said earlier, in the mode of passion, we overestimate our capacity to control things.
In the mode of ignorance, we underestimate our capacity to control. In the mode of ignorance, I’ll never be able to give this up. This is the way I am.
Sometimes we fall down. And then the mind says, you have fallen down, now fall completely. So we just end up doing that thing more than what is needed also.
So in the mode of passion, we think I have to do this and I have to prove to the world how good I am. But in the mode of goodness, we see yes, I want to do this. But what is the purpose? Okay, I want to give this up.
I want to take this up. But what is the purpose? Ultimately, I want to understand myself better. I want to serve Krishna better.
I want to grow spiritual. So that is the purpose. And this resolution is a tool to that purpose.
Then even if I am not able to keep that resolution, still I can see, okay, what exactly happened? Every resolution that we attempt to keep, even if we fail to keep it, that resolution can give us better self understanding. So if I decide I’m not going to do this, and I end up still doing that, then I can understand, okay, I have this need, which I never knew that I had this need. Sometimes you may decide, okay, I’m not going to gossip, I’m not going to do prajalma.
But then suddenly when we come and you know, this person did this, this person did that, this person did that. And we start gossiping about others. See, I have resolved, I’m not going to gossip.
Why am I gossiping now? But then we may find that actually, I have a need for attention. When I’m in conversation with people, I feel that people should hear me also. And then everybody is speaking, people don’t notice me.
So I want to speak something, which people will pay attention to. I think something else wants attention now. Okay, so now, if I find that is my need, I need attention, and in order to get attention, I want to speak something sensational, something controversial, something gossipy.
Then if I recognise, okay, this is my need, how can I in a healthy way assert that need? I said, okay, now if I read something regularly, if I hear some interesting classes, and I hear a note of those points, and then I’m in a good association, I speak those points. So then because if I have something worthwhile to speak, I speak it, people will pay attention. So if I understand that need within me, and learn to address that need in a healthy way.
So if I have, if I’m feeling very troubled, if I’m distressed, and then somebody, as I said, somebody alcoholic has a tendency to drink alcohol. But then if they find a healthier way to deal with that need, then once that need is addressed, then that behaviour will be much easier to control. Our behaviours grow from our needs.
So even when some behaviour is unhealthy, but it is not just a matter of willpower. So this greater self understanding comes through the mode of goodness. And in the mode of goodness, another aspect of being kind to ourselves is to learn to see success, not just in the goal, but also in the process.
Suppose I decide, say now currently the Adhik Mass is going on. So I might decide that, you know, okay, every day, I’m going to wake up early in the morning, or every day, I’m going to do this, I’m going to do that. And we do it for 10 days.
And 11th day, we are not able to do it. What is the use? I can’t keep any resolution, I’m just useless. That’s one way of looking at it.
But if I say, okay, I wanted to chant extra rounds, or I wanted to read something more regularly. Okay, I did it for 10 days. And doing it for 10 days is a success.
Because ultimately, what is the purpose of doing this for? I wanted to keep this resolution for 30 days. What is the purpose of that? The purpose is to connect with Krishna. And for 10 days, I could connect with Krishna.
So that is a success. Okay, 11th day, I couldn’t keep it up. Okay, sometimes circumstances come in the way, and we’re not able to do it.
The 12th day, I can start again and start. If I can’t, I can start with 15 days again. So if we define success, not just in terms of doing a particular thing, but connecting with Krishna, through that thing, then as long as we’re connected with Krishna, that is success.
Let me give a simple example to illustrate this. Say two kids are, their mother is taking them for a, say, Disneyland or somewhere for a nice outing. And it’s a two-hour ride.
And one kid is simply looking out of the window, looking at the watch and asking the mother, are we there? Are we there? Are we there? Are we there? And the other kid, okay, the other kid is also eager to go to the Disneyland. But along the way, sitting back and okay, nice mountains, nice garden, nice river, nice building, enjoying the ride also. Now suppose, halfway along the road, they’ve gone for one hour, and there is a storm that comes up.
And hurricane alert, you cannot go ahead. And their whole plan of going to the Disneyland is spoiled. It’s spoiled at that time.
Now for the first kid, it’s just misery. Because the first kid is concerned, I have to get there. I couldn’t get there, it’s all a waste.
But for the second kid, okay, I couldn’t get there, but I enjoyed the ride. Similarly for us, if we consider bhakti, bhakti is not just a goal. Bhakti is also a process.
It is not that Krishna is available to us only at the end of our devotional journey. It is not that after we become purified and when we go to Krishna, that’s when Krishna is available to us. Krishna is available to us even now.
He is there within our hearts even now. Of course, the more purified we are, the more clearly we’ll perceive and relish His presence. But we can relish it even now.
So if my focus is on, yes, I want to go towards Krishna, but while going towards Krishna also, I can relish the process. So then if I am fasting, if say, if say kadashi and I decide to fast nirjal, and if throughout my standard is, okay, you know, sometimes some devotees, and they start fasting, they set a timer, 36 hours, 33 minutes and 22 seconds. And then throughout, okay, now 35 hours, 34 hours, 32 hours, 33, 31 hours.
So their whole focus is somehow to tolerate that time and get it over. But the purpose of ekadashi is not just to fast. The purpose of ekadashi is to absorb ourselves in Krishna.
And if we absorb, we decide, okay, in this day, let me read something more, let me hear something more, let me go on the association of devotees, participate in kirtans. And then if we absorb ourselves in Krishna, we will, we will actually get great taste through that absorption in Krishna. And at the end of it, we’ll be able to fast also.
And suppose, somehow we are not able to fast nirjal. Still, we absorbed ourselves in Krishna. And then we took some water or took some food and again came back and absorbed ourselves in Krishna.
The absorption in Krishna is enduring. The connection with Krishna is enduring. But somebody whose purpose was, I have to fast till the next morning 6.33am. And that’s all that is there in their mind.
Now, even if they succeed, they were more time conscious than Krishna conscious. They are more fasting conscious than Krishna conscious. How much did they actually make spiritual progress? Yes, the fasting was good.
But the spiritual progress may not be that much. And if they are not able to fast, they fast till 6pm in the evening. And it’s unbearable.
And they were not only eating, they were thinking, why did I fast till 6pm also? Maybe I could have eaten in the morning only. So, what happens when we become too, when we equate devotional success with particular results alone? Then we are not understanding Krishna bhakti properly. Krishna is not available to us only at the end of journey.
Krishna is available to us throughout the journey. So therefore, our focus, we can make resolutions. Why are we talking about resolutions here right now? Because often we feel bad about ourselves, when we are not able to keep our resolutions.
And we’re talking about being kind to ourselves. That means, being kind to ourselves means, okay, I went along this much, I stuck to this resolution for this much time. And that is good.
I appreciate myself for that. And I move onwards. Okay, here I lapsed.
But again, let me start. Let me move on in my life. So, if being kind to ourselves means that redefining success, not just as a particular result, but also as the process that takes us to that result.
If I think, if we just define success in terms of certain externals, then sometimes those externals may just not be available for us. If I think that, with a material perspective also, if I think I’m successful, when I earn a million pounds, okay, I earned this much, I earned this much, I earned this much, then only when I earn that much, then I become successful. I think like that.
But then, if somehow something happens, I’m not able to earn that, I feel my life is a failure. But even if I earn that, what next after that? The mind is such a thing, even the mind sometimes gets hooked to a particular goal, you have to do it, you have to do it, you have to do it. And then after achieving it, what next? Even if we achieve it, if the mind is in the mode of passion, if the mind is uncontrolled, then the mind will not let us stay happy even after we achieve the goal.
And the mind will say, even if we go to paradise, everything is according to our will. The mind will say, yes, but… So, if we set a particular goal and achieve it, the mind will immediately come up with another goal for us. Now we have to achieve that.
And because we have not achieved it, we will not be satisfied. So, here, let me be careful about what I’m saying. I’m not saying that there should not be goals.
Yes, we can set goals. But we don’t have to reduce our definition of devotional success to the achievement of goals. Devotion is more a direction than a destination.
Devotion is more a direction than a destination. Even when we go to Krishna’s abode, it’s not that we attain the destination. There also, Yashodamai keeps loving Krishna.
And Nandamaharaj, the Gopas, the Gopis, they keep loving Krishna. It’s an ongoing process. So, devotion is a direction in which we keep moving.
And in that direction, certain destinations can be like landmarks. But even when we don’t miss those, we don’t get those by, say, if I’m going from here in the eastern direction. And along the eastern direction, there is this beautiful river.
So, if I get to this river, I can see this river’s beauty. So, that’s a destination. But sometimes, there’s a storm may come and that road by that river gets blocked.
If my goal was to only get to that river, then I feel that, oh, I’m blocked. But if I understand my purpose is to go in the eastern direction, then even if I don’t get to that destination, still I can keep moving in the eastern direction, take another path and keep moving on. So, similarly, being kind to ourselves means that sometimes we may, with our best efforts, try to achieve a particular goal, but we just don’t succeed.
Okay. It’s not that our whole spiritual faith depends only on the achievement of that particular goal. If you can’t achieve it, move onwards.
Devotion is a direction. If we equate devotion with a destination, then sometimes it may seem unattainable. But if you see devotion as a direction, you can always keep moving in that direction.
And by devotion, I just don’t mean love for Krishna. Devotion is the ultimate value and associated with it, there are many other values. So, whatever it is that we want to do in our life, if we see that more in terms of a direction than a destination, then we won’t beat ourselves up when we are unable to achieve it.
And one last point I’ll make about being gentle to our being kind to ourselves. This is a thought exercise, which can help us understand how we can be gentle to ourselves. Suppose there’s someone whom we love very much, maybe our child, maybe our friend.
And if they came in great distress, because they had faced some trouble, because they had faced some suffering, because they had faced some problems. At that time, how would we deal with them? Even if they had committed some mistake also because that had happened? Okay, our whole mood would be encourage them, hear them, encourage them, and ensure that their morale is restored. Okay, you know, this bad thing happened, anyway, you made this mistake still, there’s so much good in you, you’re done this good, you’re gonna end that good, keep moving on.
So, the way we would deal with someone whom we love very much, whom we want to encourage, so that they can move on in our life. Now, we can replace that person with us. That means, if I am distressed, if someone whom I love is distressed, how would I encourage them? In the same loving, positive way that I would encourage them, let me encourage myself.
So, in many ways, the Bhagavad Gita tells us that we have to elevate ourselves with ourselves. Uddhared ātmanātmānaṁ nātmānaṁ avasādayet ātmaiva ātmanobandhur ātmaiva ripurātmanahāṁ, that raise yourself, Krishna says, that we have to elevate the self with the self and don’t degrade the self with the self. So, this brings us in circle to the first point that we are our only resource, ultimately.
Krishna is there, no doubt, but it is we who have to, it is we who have to call out to Krishna, it is we who have to take shelter of Krishna. So, suppose, the same example, let us take it further. If there is some person who has taken, who is drunk a lot, and they have got a million dollar check with them, I mean, and you know, they are drunk, they might just tear off that million dollar check and throw it away.
Or they might just give it to anyone. Now, if we are their well wishers, what would we do? Somehow or the other, we will try to talk with them in a gentle, kind way, somehow persuade them so that they don’t squander that million dollars. Let’s say, they give that million dollar to us, and we can entrust it, we can take it carefully.
And then when they are sober, we can give it back to them, they can use it well. So, if somebody is, is drunk, and they have something valuable, we will try to make sure that whatever is valuable, they use it properly. Similarly, actually, all of us are souls.
And the million dollar check that we have is our free will. Every one of us has got our free will. And we are all intoxicated.
Intoxicated means, this free will, if we use it properly, we can attain eternal life and eternal joy by using this free will properly. But under the spell of the intoxication of material energy, we might just squander it on hundreds of hours we spend on cricket or on entertainment or just chit chatting or newspaper reading or this or that, spend so much time, or we may just revenge fantasy. This free will is a precious asset that we have.
And we can just squander it on anything and everything. And when this is happening, some devotees are like the well wishers. We may be having our own infatuation, intoxication, but somehow devotees persuade us in our intoxicated stage to get us to use our free will properly.
And the same principle, turn it around. Initially, devotees will come and guide us. But eventually, we have to become our own guide.
Not in a replacement of our spiritual guides. But our spiritual guides are not going to be always with us. The Uddhava Gita says that each one of us has to become our own Guru.
So, Jiyu Goswami explained in the commentary, not that this means we reject our Guru, but rather by accepting the instructions of our Guru and internalising those instructions, we have to become our own Guru. So, sometimes we become intoxicated, we always have this free will, which is very precious, and we might just squander it. So, just as a person is intoxicated, somehow or the other, we persuade them and make sure that they don’t waste the money.
Similarly, we have to become our own guide and find out, okay, whatever has happened, this went wrong, that went wrong, we are intoxicated by anger, we are intoxicated by desire, we are intoxicated by resentment, whatever it is, still we have our free will. That is a precious position. And this free will is not exactly a transferable position.
Like one million dollar check, you can just take it, another person can keep them in the bank for safe deposit. But the free will is something which we have to use at every moment, to use at every moment. So, that is why we need to be gentle with ourselves, to get ourselves, kind to ourselves, not necessarily gentle, kind to ourselves, so that we get ourselves to use the free will properly.
In the Bhagavad Gita, towards the conclusion, Krishna demonstrates this very expertly. He says in 18.63, Vimrishshaitadashishena yathechasittha kuru, oh Arjuna, deliberate deeply and then decide, and then do as you desire. This is 18.63. So, Acharya has described, at this point, Arjuna becomes very pensive.
Krishna spoke that in the 3rd chapter, spoke that in the 8th chapter, spoke that in the 10th chapter, spoke that in the 17th chapter. As he is lost in thought, thinking, what should I do now? So, at that time, Krishna’s heart overflows with compassion. And then he says, oh Arjuna, you don’t have to think so much.
I’ll tell you. Sarva-guhyatam ambhuya, shrunume paramam vachaha, ishtosime dhrudamiti, tato vakshamitehitam. He says, now I will tell you the most confidential knowledge.
Why will I tell you this? Because I love you very much. Ishtosime dhrudamiti. Actually, it’s translated, one way of translating it is that, I am determined to love you.
We are determined to forget Krishna. But Krishna is determined to love us. Ishtosime dhrudamiti, tato vakshamitehitam.
Therefore, for your benefit, I’ll speak. And then, he speaks two verses, which Krishna Maharaj says that they are like, they consider the Bhagavad Gita to be like a treasure chest. Then, if there is a big chest, now some people may be too lazy to open the chest also.
There are many jewels inside it, they may be lazy to open it. So, what happens? The people who keep the jewels inside the chest, they engrave some jewels on the chest also. They say, jewels are engraved on the chest, something valuable is inside.
So, these two jewels, Krishna has engraved towards the end of the Gita. Manmana bhava mad-bhakto madhyaji mam namaskuru mam evaisyasi satyam te pratijane priyosi me. This is, actually the same verse comes in 9.34 in the Gita.
But it’s 18.35. There is a subtle but significant difference. There, 9.34, Krishna says, manmana bhava mad-bhakto madhyaji mam namaskuru mam evaisyasi yuktvayivam atmana mad-parayana He says, if you think of me, if you become devoted to me, offer your obeisances to me, offer your homage to me, in this way, if you are engaged in me, yuktvayivam atmana mad-parayana, with your heart and soul devoted to me, you will come to me. That is 9.34. But here Krishna is saying, same first part, mam evaisyasi satyam te pratijane priyosi me.
If you do this, you will come to me, I guarantee you this, because you are very dear to me. Say, it’s like two people are about to seal a business deal. And the first person says, you know, if you do this, do this, do this, I will do this.
And the mood over there is more of, this is your condition which you have to complete. If you complete this, then I will do my part. But, if that same business is very anxious for that deal to be done.
Say, you know, if you do this, then I guarantee you, I will do this. So what has happened in 9.34, Krishna’s emphasis is, Arjuna, you have to do this, do this, do this. But in 18.65, Krishna says, I assure you, I will do this, so please do this.
So, Krishna’s heart’s compassion is coming out and saying, please do this. And then, 18.66, he says, sarva dharman parityajya, mam ekam saranam vraja, aham tvam sarva papebhyo, mokshayisyam ima asvichaha. He says, just give up all varieties of religion, just surrender unto me.
I will protect you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear. Now, this verse is contrasted with 7.29 in the Gita, 7.27, 28, 29, that section, where Krishna says that, yesham tu antagatam papam, jananam punyakarmanam, te dvandvamoha nirmukta, bhajante mam duravrataha.
He says, those who give up all sinful activities, they can become fixed in my devotion. So, there Krishna is saying, give up sinful activities and become my devotee. But here Krishna is saying, even if you are sinful, just become my devotee.
I will free you from sins. So, again the mood is of increased compassion. An example could be given is, say suppose, a mother is training her newborn child and when you train children, you know, potty training, you know, whenever you have to respond to nature, go there and do your business there.
And then the mother tells, you know, if you dirty yourself, don’t come to me. You will have to clean yourself. That’s the way mother trains, you know, go and train yourself.
But suppose the child has soiled his clothes and the child just looks at him, I am helpless. Mother says, come, I will clean you up. So, 7.29 is Krishna is telling, you clean yourself up, then come to me.
But 18.66, you come, I will clean you up. So, Krishna’s heart’s compassion is coming out more and more. Then in 18.68, 18.69, he says that, you know, share this message with the whole world.
You will become very dear to me. He says that those who… He says that those who share this message with others, there is no one as dear to me as they are. So, Krishna is encouraging Arjuna, share this message.
Now somebody may say, no, no, no, sharing this message is very difficult. I can’t do that. Krishna says, ok, at least study the message.
Next what he says, He says, study this message, then those who study it, they are worshipping me with their intelligence. So, studying the Bhagavad Gita is not just an intellectual activity, it is a devotional activity. It is like we may do aarti with a diya.
Krishna is saying, if you study the Gita, you are doing aarti of me with your intelligence. So, he says, if you can’t share this message, then at least study it. Studying also is very difficult, you know.
As soon as I start studying, I just fall asleep. Then Krishna says, ok, at least hear the message. If you can’t study it, the next verse he says is that, If you just hear this, you will attain the auspicious words.
So, to understand this three level mercy, it is like somebody has fallen inside a well. And somebody from outside throws a rope. And he tells that, hold on to the rope, I will pull you out.
And the person inside the well says, I can’t hold on to the rope, there is so much weight. Actually, my hand will get hurt if I keep holding on to the rope. Then that person pulls the rope out and then throws a lasso.
He says, just try this around your waist and I will pull you out. Then that person ties it and starts going up and says, Hey, no, no, it is hurting my waist so much when you are pulling it, I can’t do that. Then the person outside goes ahead, pulls out the rope again, then takes the rope, ties a big bucket to that rope.
And he puts the bucket down. He says, sit inside the bucket, I will pull you out. So, Krishna is like that.
He says, you share my message, hold on to the rope, I will pull you out. If you can’t share, just study it. Tie the rope, I will pull you out.
He says, no, I can’t do that. Krishna says, just sit and hear. Sit inside this bucket, I will pull you out.
But when Krishna is pulling us out, we turn the bucket around and fall back inside. But, this is Krishna’s love for us. Krishna is very eager that we come to Him.
And it is out of His eagerness that He has given us the opportunity to come to Him. So, if we just learn to focus on Krishna and His love for us, and His eagerness to come for us, then we won’t let ourselves be beaten down. I give this as a whole example that we have to encourage ourselves.
Just like we would encourage someone else whom we cared for a lot, just as if somebody had a million dollars, and they could just squander it away because they were drunk, then you somehow persuade them to use their million dollars properly. Similarly, Krishna Himself is demonstrating here how concerned He is. He tells, you have your free will, you deliberate, and then act properly.
But then, Krishna says, no, I will tell you. Please, come to Me. So, this is Krishna.
This is a God who always loves us. And therefore, if we connect with Him, whatever be our conditionings, He will help us rise upwards. He will help us come to Him.
So, the more we focus on Krishna, the more we will be able to, by that divine focus, overcome our other weaknesses, and we will tap our strengths. So, the whole message of the Bhagavad Gita is a message of love and a message of hope. The message of love that Krishna loves us, and when we understand that message of love, that fills us with hope.
He says, Arjuna, who had lost heart and put aside his bow, saying, I can’t fight, at the start of the Gita, he had said, he puts aside his bow. Visrujya sacharam chaapam, shokasam vijnamanasa. That same Arjuna, at the end of the Gita, picked up his bow in readiness to fight.
So, similarly for us, our morale, it may have become weakened, it may have become dampened because of various reasons, but if we turn towards Krishna and focus on connecting with Him, understanding His love for us, then we will all pick up our bow, and we will start moving towards Krishna. Arjuna’s bow represents our morale. It represents our enthusiasm.
Just as Arjuna’s bow, he lifted up after hearing the Gita, similarly, if we understand the Gita, and understand Krishna’s love for us, then our enthusiasm will also be rejuvenated, and we will move towards Krishna. Enthusiastically. So, I’ll summarise.
I spoke about being gentle, being kind to ourselves, and in that I spoke about how, what does being kind to ourselves mean? Sometimes, when we make some resolutions, and we can’t keep them, we may beat ourselves down. We have no willpower. We are good for nothing.
But at that time, we need to pick ourselves up. And being kind means various things. One thing I said is that to expect perfection is a misconception.
We never do anything perfectly first time. It takes many times before we start doing something well. Same principle applies in our attempts at self-improvement, our attempts at spiritual growth.
We will make mistakes, and we understand that going through mistakes is the way we grow. And the wonderful thing in bhakti is that the mistakes are not necessarily a waste of time. If we see that devotion is not just the product, but is also a process.
Krishna is available to us not just at the end of the journey, but along the journey also. Then, even now, we will connect with him. It’s like a kid who enjoys the ride to Disneyland.
Then, even if they don’t get to Disneyland, the child enjoys the ride. Krishna is available to me right now in my own heart. If I connect with him, then we move forwards.
Even when we are not able to adhere to particular standards or particular resolutions, we are not able to keep up. So, while keeping up resolutions, another point of being kind to ourselves is understanding basic human psychology. We can’t not do something.
If I say, I’m not going to think about this. That’s just not possible. To not think of something, we already have to think about it.
Better don’t make a resolution that a dead person can keep better than us. Focus on making affirmative resolutions to connect with Krishna. If there is something which we are trying to do and not able to do it, instead of not able to give it up, instead of simply beating ourselves up saying you don’t have any power, we can try to go deeper to understand what is the need that is being served by this habit.
And then, so if somebody is surfing on the net because they want a break from boredom, somebody is drinking because they want a relief from distress, then that particular need, if it is served in a healthier way, then the habit will automatically wake up. So, for understanding what the need is, we need to be in the mood of goodness. So, in passion we just make a resolution, I want to keep it by my own willpower.
In ignorance, we are not able to keep up the resolution, we think better not make any resolution, I’ll never be able to improve. But in goodness, we see that every resolution that we make, its success is not just in keeping the resolution, its success is also in helping us to better understand ourselves. And then, I talked about how devotion is not just a destination but also a direction.
So, sometimes we may set some goals within devotion, but if we can’t achieve them, that doesn’t mean devotion is not achievable. We simply can take some other path and keep moving forward towards Krishna. And to keep ourselves enthused in the path of devotion, we can try to become our own encouraging guide.
Just as we would encourage someone whom we loved very much when they were demoralised. So, similarly, we can see, how should I treat myself? And just like a drunkard with a million dollar check needs to be managed so expertly that they don’t squander that million dollars. Similarly, we are all souls with free will, just like a million dollar check.
And we need to ensure that we use our free will properly. So, we discussed how Krishna acknowledges Arjuna’s free will and expertly reveals his heart to Arjuna. Krishna says, I love you very much.
Please come to me. If you do this, I guarantee you will come to me. I will clean you up.
Just surrender to me. Preach about me. If you can’t do that, just study about me.
If you can’t do that, just hear about me. So, Krishna’s heart is overflowing with longing to get his back to him. And by hearing about his longing, we can trigger our own longing for him.
And if we can just connect with him wherever we are, that will give us the power and the purity by which all other negative feelings will be overcome. Just as Arjuna picked up his bow in enthusiasm after hearing Krishna’s message, similarly, if we understand Krishna’s message and understand his love for us, we will also become filled with positive feelings to move forward enthusiastically in our journey towards Krishna. Thank you very much.
Hare Krishna. Yeah. So, we will have a short break and then we will conclude for some final question answers and maybe a few reflections after that.
Thank you. Yeah.