Healthy self-understanding 5 – Concluding QA session

[Retreat in Leicester, UK]

Video:

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So, is the mind material or spiritual? The mind is actually at the junction of the two.
It is subtle material in the sense that in that sense it is matter but it is not like physical matter. So, it is matter in the sense that it is not conscious in itself. Just like the software in a computer, the software is not conscious.
Software is a tool. But the software can appear to have its own consciousness or its intentions. That means if I visit a particular site again and again, then that site may pop up automatically in my computer.
So, it may appear as that computer has its own mind by which it is giving me particular propositions. But it is simply the stored preferences that come up again and again. So, the mind is material but subtle material like the software in a computer.
When we have to make decisions and we attend to second guess ourselves, should I do this, should I not do this? So, how can we at that time make decisions maturely? Generally, decisions have to be done in the mode of goodness. In the mode of passion, we are just running around, doing this, doing that, doing that. At that time, in the heat of the moment we try to decide, we will not be able to decide thoughtfully.
Again, if we are in the mode of ignorance, feeling bad about ourselves, that time we decide, oh, I am going to just leave this and go away. Like I talk about emigrate, there is an option just to be done in the mode of goodness, not in the mode of ignorance. Just frustrated, so I give this up.
When I talk about emigrate, it is more out of say, yes, I am meant to do better things in my life. I don’t want to get involved in the complexity of this. Not that this is so frustrating, so I just want to give it up.
That is one aspect. But the important thing is that I have better things to do in my life. So, how do we ensure that we take decisions in the mode of goodness? Or we are in the mode of goodness when we take decisions? Generally, it is the processing of our thoughts properly that is characteristic of goodness.
So, if we have some major decision to make in our life, then it is good to write down the thoughts. So, these are the pros of this, these are the cons of this. And not just in a list-wise sense, but just get out.
So, basically, as long as thoughts are inside us, at that time, they keep congesting us. Just too close to us, and just do this, don’t do this, if you do this, this will happen, if you do this, that will happen. All of us come to crossroads in our life sometimes.
Now, we may have to decide, okay, should I stay at this place or stay at that place? Should I take up this job or take up that job? Should I marry this person or that person? Should I take this decision from this guru or that guru? So, all these are major decisions. And at that time, if we just, it’s all in the head, it’s just too close for objective reflection. So, get it out.
Write it down. And once we write it down, at that time, no need to censor it. Just write down whatever comes in.
So, basically, what are we doing? The mind is saying, oh, this is like this, this is like that, this is like that. Just tell the mind, now, I am letting you have your say. Say whatever you want to say.
Give the mind time to say what it has to say. And just by doing that, we’ll feel some release, because the mind has been allowed to express itself. And then maybe a day after that, when you are calmer, then we’ll look back at it again.
And then we’ll have this reason, yeah, it’s valid. This, this is good, but I need to express this a little more carefully. This, just by feeling, but I don’t know enough information.
Let me get more information about this. So, basically, what are we doing by this? First, we let our mind have its say, and then we let the intelligence evaluate what the mind is saying. Many times, we feel internally overloaded, because the mind and intelligence, we try to get both of them to speak at the same time.
The mind has its feelings, and the intelligence has its reasoning. And both we try to do at the same time, nothing happens. The feelings also don’t get expressed, and the reasoning also doesn’t lead to any conclusion.
So, just separate the two. Let the mind have its say, and then we’ll reason. And then, based on this, we’ll come to some understanding.
We’ll note it down, and then we may decide, okay, I have three months to make this decision. In the next three months, every week, I’ll spend one hour on this. And then that one hour of quality time, maybe on the weekend, we pray, we chant, try to get ourselves in the mode of goodness, and revisit that, whatever we have written.
Okay, and then we think, you know, okay, I didn’t think about this part. I didn’t think about this. Then we can refine it.
And in the course of the week, if some thought comes up, you know, what about this, what about that? Okay, note it down, but don’t think about it at that time. Because in the mode of passion and ignorance, if we start thinking about difficult issues, we don’t come to any resolution, we only get to exhaustion. Because these are issues which can’t be solved so easily.
So, because we can’t give them full attention or proper attention in the modes of passion and ignorance, then just thinking about them exhausts us. So, if some new thought comes up, think, okay, note it down. I’ll think about it at that time.
And same old thought, I have already addressed this. So, the mind can’t be suppressed, but that doesn’t mean that the mind has to be given a free rein. We give it some quality time to express itself, and then we address it with some quality time involving our intelligence.
And, say, if we do this every week for about three months, and at the end of it, we may see, okay, this was my starting understanding, and now my understanding is the same. That means, whatever at that time I had thought, that is not just a fleeting feeling that I have. This is a sustained convection of mind.
And then we will be able to persevere in that. Not only will we be alive at a good decision, but we will also have gone through a good decision-making process. And that will be a lasting gain.
Because life never comes with a guarantee of good decisions. Sometimes we just make wrong decisions. But, if we make a wrong decision, if we have gone through a proper process for making a decision, then we will have a clear understanding when it becomes clear, this decision was wrong.
And then we will be able to do course correction. Otherwise, we will stay, even if we make a wrong decision, and it becomes obvious that it is a wrong decision, still we will be in denial mode. No, no, no, it is not wrong.
Or, we go into the self-beating mode. You fool, why did you make that decision? No, I went through a new process. With the information that I had, I made a decision.
Now, some additional information I have got, that decision has been proven to be wrong. Ok, then let me do course correction. So, whatever decision we do, we will do it more thoughtfully.
And if we have to redo something, or undo something, or modify something, we will also do it with greater maturity. So, this way, we can make our intelligence the counsellor of our mind. We can make our intelligence the counsellor of our mind.
Now, in some communities, there may be a minority and a majority. I was talking about prejudice earlier. So, there might be a minority, which is very aggressive and vocal.
And the majority is quite passive about the whole thing. So, should we judge the community by the minority or the majority? Should we prepare ourselves for the actions of the minority? In general, there is, there are three modes of material nature. And there are people in different modes.
So, people will act according to the way their modes are. And their religion doesn’t make much difference to them. Their religion just becomes a justification for them to act the way they want to act.
So, there can be atheists who are in the mode of goodness, who love nature, and who are relatively thoughtful, reflective. But somehow, because of their bad experiences with religion, they have become atheistic. And there will be religious people who may be in the mode of ignorance.
And they use their religion to rationalise their aggression, their destruction in the name of religion. So, generally, in the Vedic context, there were two means of maintaining law and order. One is Shastra and the other is Shastra.
Shastra is scriptural knowledge. And Shastra is weapons. So, the brahmanas would wield Shastra.
The brahmanas would teach scriptural knowledge by which people would understand right and wrong. And in that way, people got the higher knowledge by which they would get the impetus themselves to choose right and avoid wrong. But some people just don’t listen to the Shastra.
And for them, the Kshatriyas would have Shastra. Shastra is weapons. And they have to discipline them.
They have to punish them. So, we in principle understand that that there are people in different modes. And in every community, there will be people in goodness, there will be people in passion, there will be people in ignorance.
So, we can’t label a community as violent or this or as that. But at the same time, in certain communities, certain people from certain modes may be more vocal, more dominant than others. So, we have to see where discussion can lead to resolution and where we, discussion may not work.
Where there also has to be preparation. Shastra is there, Shastra is there. So, a balance of both is required.
Now, as individuals, Prabhupada wanted us to be escorted by a Brahminical body. But Prabhupada also said that Kshatriyas are required to maintain law and order in society. So, we have to, if we are a part of the governmental mechanism or we can be a part of the governmental mechanism and we feel driven to be a part of that, then we can take the role of a Kshatriya and we can do what is required for the protection of society.
But if we are not in that role, then it is best not to get too obsessed about it. Because in this world, there are so many problems. And we have to choose our battles.
Okay, a particular community minority is aggressive, that’s a problem. But there can also be other problems. The environment is a big issue.
Some people say in 50 years, the environment is so degraded that people will be having a lot of difficulty to live in the coastal areas or whatever. There was a whole idea that there is global warming because of which the coasts are going to sink. And then some people said, no, no, that’s not going to actually happen.
That was an exaggeration. So, but there are, environment is a problem. There is fuel shortage.
The fuel may become a big problem in future. The way we are living is not sustainable. So, there are different causes of concern at the material level.
And depending on our psychophysical nature, we may be feel, may feel driven to a particular cause. If we feel driven to that cause, then we can spiritualise that concern through the appropriate way and try to address it in a spiritual way. So, somebody can have, say, we could have spiritual environmentalism.
We could have green living, but spiritual green living. So, like that we can, some people have a nationalistic tendency, some people have a regionalistic tendency. Prabhupada used that and spiritualised that.
Prabhupada’s lecture in India says that, you people in India, you are still lamenting that we lost Pakistan. There is a separation in India, lost Pakistan. He said that, if you preach the message of Bhagavad Gita, the whole world will become Hindustan.
So, now what is Prabhupada doing over here? He is just channelling people’s sentiments so that they can practise Bhakti. So, we have to find an intelligent way in which whatever our concerns are, we channel them in Bhakti. But we don’t have to take up some specific causes if they are not our concern.
There are many problems in this world and ultimately Krishna will address them. If the problems start immediately threatening us and if we feel driven to take up addressing them, we can address them in an appropriate way according to our situation and our disposition. I find it very difficult to give up my regrets.
If I make a mistake, I keep contemplating that if only I had chosen a different course of action, things would have been so much different. So, what can I do about it? In the Mahabharata, it is said that lamentation achieves nothing except to sap the energy of the lamenter. Lamentation achieves nothing except to sap the energy of the lamenter.
And this is said in a very heart-wrenching context. Actually, Yudhishthir Maharaj is responsible in one way for the death of Abhimanyu. On the 13th day of the war, Yudhishthir tells Abhimanyu, you break the chakra we will follow you inside.
And Abhimanyu goes inside but then Jayadratha blocks them. And Yudhishthir is already such a sensitive person, he just feels heartbroken. And that time he is so overwhelmed that he says when he gets the final news that Abhimanyu has been killed, he says I will break into the enemy’s ranks and I will avenge the death of Abhimanyu or I will die myself.
So, he is charging into the enemy’s ranks. At that time, Vyasadev comes over there and although Yudhishthir is so distraught, he is still a cultured king, so immediately he gets out of the chariot and offers obeisance to Vyasadev. And he pours out his heart.
Abhimanyu has been killed and he says I am shattered. So, at that time, he consoles him and tells him that O king, no matter how virtuous anyone may be, nobody in this world can violate the law of death. Everybody has to die.
Even kings more virtuous than Abhimanyu have also died in. And then he says, you may say Abhimanyu died so young. Everyone has to die.
But why they have to die so young? So, he says this world is a place of temptation. And no matter how pious anyone may be, they can just be dragged down from their piety into impiety by the temptation of this world. But Abhimanyu has gone beyond the world of temptation.
By laying his life down on the virtuous cause, he has transcended the world of temptation. So, rather than lamenting for one who has attained such an auspicious destination, we should lament for us who still live in this world of temptation. He turns the whole argument around.
And lastly he says that the inscrutable will of the lord is ultimately for the good of all living beings. If you do his will, then we will understand it in due course. Now, this is an important point to understand.
I gave a whole series of classes when I was in America and North Carolina. Are our mistakes a part of Krishna’s plan? If I commit a mistake, is that a part of Krishna’s plan? Did Krishna want me to commit the mistake? No. Krishna did not want us to commit a mistake.
But Krishna’s plan is not like a fixed plan. It is a flexible, adaptable plan. So, Krishna does not plan that we commit mistakes.
But Krishna’s plan can re-calibrate itself so that even after our mistakes, we have a right path. A simple example to illustrate is this. Say, if we consider Google.
Google Maps. Say, I decided to come from London to Leicester today morning. Google says turn left.
Now, if instead of left I turn right. What does Google do? It immediately re-routes and tells me what to do afterwards. If I take another right turn, again Google will re-route.
Again, I take another wrong turn. Again, Google will re-route and tell me. Even if I take 100 wrong turns, Google will keep re-routing and telling me how to get to my destination.
The wrong turns will have consequences. It will take me that much longer to get there. But still, the wrong turns don’t mean that I am lost completely.
So, similarly, we can say, Google has mapped the whole earth or at least they claim to have mapped the whole earth. So, Krishna has mapped all of existence. And no matter how many wrong turns we have taken, we are still within Krishna’s map.
And Krishna has a path from where we are to where we are meant to be. So, by understanding, I made a mistake. But Krishna, I am not outside Krishna’s scope of mercy.
Krishna still has a plan for me and from here, if I choose the right course, I can move on. And regretting, or not just regretting, lamenting. Regretting is good in the sense that, okay, I should not have done it.
But lamenting about it, letting it replay again and again, why did I do it? I shouldn’t have done it. By doing that, actually I am making a mistake now. So, generally, whatever happens in the mind, to understand it better, it’s good to try to translate it to a physical reality.
Going back to the Google example, if I have taken a wrong turn and I have gone far away. And then, if I start beating myself, why did I take that wrong turn? Why did I take that wrong turn? And the person next to me, okay, you took the wrong turn. Now take the right turn and let’s move back now.
We wouldn’t just sit over there, why did I take the wrong turn? We will take a right turn and move back. So, just as physically, okay, wrong turn happened, now let’s take a right turn. So, similarly for us, mentally also, we don’t have to keep, okay, I made a mistake in the past, but by lamenting that mistake endlessly, I am making a mistake in the present.
So, Krishna can rectify that mistake also, but instead of rectifying that mistake, I am now aggravating that mistake. I am making a second mistake which will compound the first mistake. So, if we see it that way, then we can maintain hope and maintain positivity to reorient ourselves.
And the second point is that who knows, Krishna can use our mistakes also for our good. That means, say, if because of some mistake we do, we go through some bad experiences, then Krishna can use that to teach us something, maybe to make us empathic towards others who make similar mistakes. And then we learn and we grow through it.
So, this is not a direct Krishna conscious example, but it is a God conscious example. I was in America and I was in interfaith meeting, so there was this pastor, Baptist pastor, all of us were telling how we came to God. So, he said that he worked for a job at an employee who had a shady reputation.
And somehow, some things went wrong and he was framed, framed for some embezzlement which he had not done at all. And then he was tried in court and his employer had arranged to bribe his attorney also. So, he ended up in jail for a crime he had not committed.
And this, he actually, he was sentenced to life imprisonment. And while he was in jail, he learned to he was initially very depressed, but then he came to know about the Bible, he came to know about Christianity and Christians had some forum to help people who were in jail. So, while in jail, he studied law extensively and then he found out the process by which he could have his trial reopened.
And finally, after 23 years of being in jail, he was exonerated. And he was released with, you can say, honour, free from the crime. So, you can say 23 years he wasted in the jail.
But actually, it was while he was in jail that he came to God. He was not interested in God, but he started studying the Bible and started taking to Christianity which is also one way to God. Then in the jail.
So, the point was that it was a mistake for me to work with that shady employer. But it worked out good. So, we don’t know how Krishna can use our pain and our mistakes for a good purpose.
So, that’s why, rather than hesitating over the past, just move forwards. And at least avoid repeating the mistake by aggravating the mistake now. And who knows, Krishna will use something for the good, even the bad for the good in the long run.
So, when there is a potential issue, if there is no need to address it, but still we have a strong urge or desire to address it, then at that time what should we do? Yes, it depends on again our position and our disposition. So, disposition means some of us just feel strongly I have to deal with this issue. And some of us may be in a position to deal with it.
Some of us may not be in a position to deal with it. So, each of us have been given certain strengths. Say, I am a writer.
So, whenever I see, I come into any room, even if it is a temple room, I don’t notice the deities as intensely as I notice the notice boards. I look for spelling mistakes in the notice boards. Just by conditioning.
And especially in India, Indians just use English very functionally. And sometimes while using English functionally, they massacre the grammar. So, sometimes I tell, you know, this mistake is wrong.
This spelling is wrong. And devotees tell me, everyone understands. Why don’t you understand? So, then, I have realised that I can’t do much about this.
If people don’t care, I come off as a fault finder over there. But, say, if I am the editor of a magazine, then, there I will take care that we make proper punctuation. We try to take care.
Of course, I find that it is easy to find faults in others’ writings. But to find faults in your own writings is not so easy. They get overlooked.
But, again, the point is that we may have certain strengths, certain abilities, by which we can see some potential issues. And others don’t see that issue. So, if we are good managers and, say, we have got some management training, we work as a manager in a company, and then we come to the temple and we see things are being mismanaged.
You say, why don’t you address this? Now, sometimes the temple may be in a situation where they accept our management expertise. Sometimes there may be so many other things going on, they feel, okay, this is not that important. They may not address it.
So, then, rather than getting worked up about it, we can decide, if our contribution is being valued and accepted, we use it. If it is not being valued and accepted, then there is no need to make it into a big issue. Sometimes, that’s why, in an association of devotees, we need like-minded association.
Like-minded association means the kind of interest that we have, the kind of talents that we have, those other devotees who appreciate that. So, if I like language, then there are other devotees who also like language. They like writing.
They like proofreading. And when I talk with them, then we get involved in a lot of good discussions. Others, they think, what are you wasting your time? So, we have to, where we can make a contribution, where we can see an issue, then we have to find like-minded devotees and there, our contribution will be appreciated.
How can we make other devotees like us when we see that they are ignoring us and we don’t know the reason? It’s difficult. The nature of life is that the love we offer to others is reciprocated. But not always to the same source.
There are some people whom we try a lot to please. We do a hundred things for them and we just want one word of appreciation from them. But even after doing a hundred things, all that we get is a complaint that you didn’t do a hundred first thing.
Some people are just impossible to please. You may think, I have done so much, why they are not reciprocating? But then, we will find that there are some other people in our life, they just offer us so much affection and kindness and gentleness, even when we take them for granted. So, if we started reciprocating with them more, we would have much more fulfilling relationships.
So, if we consider that, say, we are here, Krishna is here and there are people around us here. So, ultimately, the love that we give out, we get back. But we don’t always get it back from the same source.
And some people are same channel. So, if we see ultimately that, I am not just loving this person, I am not just serving this person. Ultimately, all these are parts of Krishna and through all of them, I am loving and serving Krishna.
And when we love and serve Krishna, then Krishna reciprocates. But Krishna may not reciprocate to those same people. So, there can be, in psychology, they say, there is a disease to please.
That means, we all naturally want to please others and we want others to have good opinion about us, others to like us. But sometimes, some people just, we don’t know why it is like that. If we have tried our best and they are not accepting it, then we might understand this relationship may not work out that well.
And we just keep a respectful distance and we try to have closer relationship with others. So, it is not that there is necessarily something wrong with us. But some relationships are just, they work best at a particular distance.
And some relationships work very good at a proximity. Some relationships work a little bit at a greater distance. So, we can’t get anyone to like us.
We can try to do things which are according to our values and which may also be pleasing to others. But if they don’t get pleased, then what can we do? One of the easiest and surest ways to make ourselves miserable is to try to please everyone. It’s one of the surest ways to make ourselves miserable.
We are finite beings and people around us have infinite ideas, infinite concerns, infinite desires. We just can’t please everyone. So, we have to choose.
And in some relationships, reciprocation is not there. It depends on what the nature of the relationship is. But then we may have to have particular distance in that relationship and move towards other relationships.
Having said that, sometimes, this is a little subtle point, that people have certain stories going on in their mind. In the story of Sati, how many of you know the story of Sati and Daksha and Lord Shiva? This is the story in the 4th canto of Srimad Bhagavatam, where the daughter of Dakshayani or Sati, she is married to Shiva. But Daksha does not respect Shiva very much because he feels Shiva doesn’t respect me.
But still, because of Brahmaji’s pressure, Daksha gets his daughter married to Shiva. But he is always resentful of Shiva. And then Daksha is performing a great yajna.
At that time, he deliberately does not invite Shiva. Now, Sati sees, oh, this is a big yajna at my home. She says, it’s my home.
And she says, Shiva, let’s go there. Shiva says, we have not been invited. Better not go.
She says, no, it’s my home. If the function is at our home, we don’t need an invitation. Let’s go.
He says, no, I have not been invited. I will not go. I will go alone.
And she goes. And when she goes there, Daksha pays no attention to her. Daksha is there welcoming everyone but he does not even offer one smile or one word of greeting to his own daughter.
And she feels so hurt by that. And eventually in that sacrifice, all the devatas are offered some sections of sacrifice, but Shiva is offered nothing. And Sati becomes so angry by this, she decides to immolate herself.
And even then, Daksha’s heart does not change at all. So, what has happened over here? Actually, Sati is seeing, this is my home. This is the home where I grew up.
This is where my sisters are, my family is, my mother is, my father is. So, she sees, this is my home. But in Daksha’s mind, Sati’s identity has changed.
Daksha is not seeing Sati as his daughter. He is seeing Sati as the wife of the man who disrespected him. And because of that, he is thinking that by neglecting her, I am getting back at the man who disrespected him.
So, what has happened? The way Sati is seeing things is very different from the way Daksha is seeing things. So, similarly, if somebody is just not liking us, it may not be because of us. It may be because they have put us in a particular box and they have some axe to grind with that box.
So, sometimes, you know, some people have some difficulty with, say, you know, the disciples of this, in this corner, the disciples of this guru, I don’t like them. And then, we may be very kind to them, but somehow, they have something against that guru’s disciple, they just become negative. Or it may be, you know, this temple, I don’t like this temple.
Anybody comes from that temple, they just don’t like it. So, these are very gross examples. But the point I am making is, sometimes, when people don’t like us, it may not be about us at all.
It may just be because they have put us in a particular box and they have issues with that box. Like earlier, I talked about prejudice. So, it’s like that.
So, sometimes, it may just be beyond us. So, it’s best not to strain ourselves too much. One thing which we could do conceivably is that, if I am here, that person is here, if there is someone who knows that person very well, we can talk with them.
Can you find out why this person is behaving like this with me? They might give some perspective. Sometimes, we may ourselves go and ask them, you know, is there something that I did to offend you? No, no, everything is alright. No, but I feel as if you are not, you are upset.
No, no, I am not upset with you. And if they are not even acknowledging it and they continue that action, then that means they don’t want to address the issue. Then we can just move on in our life.
See, actually, in everybody inside their head, a movie is going on. And in that movie, they are the heroes. And everyone else is an extra.
Everyone else is an extra. Some extras are having more important roles, some extras are less important. Everyone is an extra.
So, if somebody just is not reciprocating, we don’t know what movie is going on in their head and what role they have assigned to us. So, best not to bother about it. We try to behave gently, we try to behave courteously.
If people don’t reciprocate, just move on with our life. Life is too important and our own mind is very complicated. What to speak of others’ minds? So, what others are thinking, why others are acting the way they are acting, it’s very difficult to figure that out.
We try our best. If it doesn’t work out, just move on in our life. So, thank you very much.
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