How can I serve with someone who doesn’t like me?

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
I have been given a service to look after and work with another devotee, but he does not seem to like me.
And has even told me directly that he finds it difficult to listen to me. What should I do to improve the situation? In case he is here, is there something he can do? We have two relationships. We have a vertical relationship with Krishna and we have a horizontal relationship with others.
And others also include devotees. Other devotees. Ideally, these two relationships should be symbiotic.
Our relationship with Krishna makes us more loving, more humble, more tolerant, more sensitive. And that improves our horizontal relationship. And our horizontal relationship, if the others are also devotees, seeing that devotion inspires our vertical relationships.
Now, this is the ideal situation, but quite often, this is not the situation in real life. So at such times, what we specifically do will depend on time and circumstance. But the principle is, we should not forget our vertical relationship because of a problem in a horizontal relationship.
That means, even if somebody is dealing in an improper way with me, my response shouldn’t be only to that person. My response should be in my relationship with Krishna. A devotee is not interested in retaliation with another.
A devotee is interested in reciprocation with Krishna. I’ll give an example to explain this. Suppose there is a cloth shop where, say, clothes are not only displayed, but in many cloth shops, there are cloth assistants, or there are people who come and show you, this dress is here, this dress is here, you can try this dress out.
And there is the cloth shop owner. So there are some customers who are very fuzzy. They will come to a cloth shop, try hundreds of dresses, and not purchase even one of them.
Now, for the salesperson over there, that can be a very frustrating experience. So now, if that salesperson is only going to look at that customer, and think, this customer wasted so much of my time, then that salesperson may become snappy or disrespectful toward that person. But, if the owner of that establishment is also there, and the owner is observing, and the owner will see, this salesperson is so courteous.
Although there was cause for provocation, this person did not get provoked. This person is very courteous, I can trust him. He will take care of my customers in future.
So, similarly, Krishna is like the owner in our heart. And the people whom we deal with are like the customers, some of whom may be irritable. So, what we should focus on is not just how another person deals with, and our relationship should not be just tit for tat.
You did like this, I will do like that. No, our relationship should be, how, what conduct will please Krishna in this situation. Because, for this, even for the salesperson, the salary is not going to come from the customer.
The salary is going to come from the owner. And the owner sees, this salesperson is very courteous. You will not only get a salary, you may even get a promotion.
So, like that, whether our relationship with others works out successfully or not, that alone does not determine our spiritual advancement. Our spiritual advancement is determined by how we try to please Krishna in that situation. If Krishna is pleased, then we advance spiritually.
Now, this does not mean that we have to tolerate abuse in the relationship. What it simply means is, that we do not have to reduce that relationship to only that person’s behavior. So, now, if this particular situation is there, where we have to do a particular service, then we will have to see what is the level of workability.
Now, when we say we should tolerate, now, tolerance, what does it mean? Tolerance doesn’t mean that we let ourselves be trampled upon by others. Tolerance simply means that we don’t let small things come in the way of big things. We tolerate small things, so then we can move forward in big things.
That means, if I want to practice bhakti, I want to serve Krishna, and okay, there is this irritable person, there is this problem, there is that problem, I won’t let that come in my practice of bhakti. So, tolerance, what it means is, we don’t let small things come in the way of big things. But then, every person is different, every situation is different.
So, what might seem like a small thing for me, may not be a small thing for someone else. That might be a very big thing, because everybody has different natures, everybody is in different situations. So, if such a situation is there, if we can work, thinking that this is a situation where Krishna has put me, where I can become purified by working with a person who is not very agreeable, because ultimately, Krishna sees the sincerity of our effort.
Even if nobody notices, Krishna notices. चक्षुर्यस्यनरिष्यति That Krishna’s eyes never close. So, Krishna always notices.
If we are doing sacrifices, if we are doing austerities in His service, He is going to notice it. So, if we can see that as an opportunity for purification, we can take that and do the service even in that situation. But, if the purpose of all services is to remember Krishna and move onwards towards Krishna.
So, if a particular devotee’s behavior is such that we become too agitated by that, and we just can’t focus on Krishna in that situation, then we can go to our authorities and tell them, I find it very difficult to work in this situation, can you give me some other devotee to work with, or can you give me some other service? It’s not wrong to express our feelings. We should and if we have strong concerns, we can express that strongly also. And then after that, we leave it.
If the authorities say, no, we don’t have any other devotee, you do the service with this devotee. We can tolerate it for some time. The point is that if we focus on that vertical aspect of the relationship, then we will be able to deal with even unfriendly people in a reasonable way.
And beyond that, it’s often that most people who come to Krishna, you know, they have a core level of sincerity. Because, you know, at least in Krishna Bhakti, as the Prabhupada has given us, there are quite a lot of regulative principles to follow, quite a lot of rules to follow. Now, people will not do that if they don’t have a core level of sincerity.
So, if somebody says, I don’t like you, you can find out what it is that causes that friction. And maybe sometimes, we can change something or it might just be a perception about someone. So, okay, you spoke like this, so I thought I’m thinking that you’re like that.
Let me clarify. No, when I spoke like that, it was like this. So, communication can help in getting clarification.
So, or even if that doesn’t work out, then we can say, okay, this particular part of my behavior you don’t like, then I’ll try to minimize that. And we adjust along and move onwards. The important point is, if we just let that person come in the center of our consciousness, this person doesn’t like me, this person doesn’t like me, then we are not Krishna conscious anymore.
Then we become that person conscious. And then we won’t grow in bhakti. So, even if that person is unfriendly, we can continue our Krishna consciousness and with the guidance of senior devotees and using our own intelligence, decide how best to move onwards in that situation.
And regarding that devotee, if that devotee can do anything, as I said, the most important thing is try to get some clarification. And if that devotee is not satisfied with our clarification, we can ask that devotee to go to some senior who knows us and that senior devotee may give some additional perspective about us so that you can work together. You should not let, in any way, let anything discourage us or distract us from Krishna.
Whichever devotees we are working with, that’s temporary. But our relationship with Krishna is eternal. And quite often, the difficulties in the temporary relationships force us to grow.
And they force us to take deeper shelter of Krishna. And that is always auspicious.