How can we avoid impulsive reaction to hostile people?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So, in adverse situations, especially in our workplace, the mind tends to just react impulsively. And we try to chant to ensure that we don’t react. But how can we remember Krishna and respond properly in those situations? It’s when someone is troubling us, or some problem is coming.
Often, our attitude is, you know, if that person is troubling, I want to get even. You did like this to me, I’ll do like that. But, you know, there are different anarthas which tempt in different ways.
Say, lust tempts by promising pleasure. Anger tempts by promising power. You did like that, I will put you in your place, you know.
If, you know, we are physical, I’ll beat you up. If you’re not so physical, I’ll lash you with my words. I’ll give you a piece of my mind, I’ll put you in your place.
So, anger allures by, what? By power. It makes us think, you know, by becoming angry, I’m going to show my power. But actually, anger makes us weak, because often we act in a dangerous, destructive way.
So, when we are troubled by some situation and troubled by some person, I’m just taking one specific example of, say, a troublesome colleague, a troublesome boss or somebody, person who is troubling us and putting us in a negative situation. Our tendency might be to get even. But that getting even is often based on the illusion of strength that anger creates.
But our first purpose should be not to get even, but to get safe. Say, for example, if I’m going through a forested area. And at that time, suddenly, a snake bites me.
And the snake bites me, I can feel the sting. And suppose I look, I see the snake slithering away. You snake, how dare you bite me? I will crush you to death.
And I start running after the snake to pound it to death. Even if I reach there, even if I crush the snake and I kill it, what is happening in the process? The poison is rushing, going through my body. You know, it is going to reach my heart, it’s going to reach my brain, it’s going to kill me.
So, at that stage, I don’t have to get even with the snake. You know, I have to get safe. You know, I cut the part and get the blood out.
I tonic it and make sure the blood doesn’t go to the body. I get safe. Now, the snake is a menace and it needs to be dealt with appropriately.
I may deal with it, I may get someone else to deal with it, but that’s later. So, when we are troubled by someone, at that time, we need to understand the first thing I need to do is get safe, not get even. So, get safe means now I’m feeling angry, now I’m feeling irritated, now I’m feeling depressed.
So, let me get safe. Let me come back to an emotionally healthy state. So, if we have this clear that my priority is not to get even, it’s to get safe, then we will not react, but rather we will move back to a territory where we can calm ourselves down.
We get safe. After getting safe, yes, the snake is a danger, we have to deal with it. This person is too irritating, this person is irresponsible, this person is backbiting, whatever it is, I have to deal with it.
But once we are in an emotionally stable state, then we can respond naturally. So, at least intellectually, if you are clear, what is my priority? It’s first to get safe, not to get even. Then we can find out what to do practically.
Generally, when we have to remember Krishna, it may not be chanting in the mind may help, but we have to find out whatever helps for us. For some of us, you know, we might just have some kirtans which we like, keep it in our phone and just hear it. Just hear it for a few minutes, you feel calmer.
Some of us may have some pictures of Krishna, darshan, we just take that and it calms us down. Some of us may find that, you know, having some talks which we hear, maybe some quotes which we have heard in some class, some examples at some point, something, it just gives us strength, it calms us down. So, we don’t have to necessarily deal with the mind in a stereotypical way.
This is what I should do to remember Krishna. We have to find out what helps me to remember Krishna and make that particular thing accessible to us. So, that remembering Krishna is basically like returning back to the safe territory.
By remembering Krishna, we get safe, we become emotionally calm and then we can find out, how should I deal with the situation? Does it answer your question? So, should we stop here?