How can we differentiate between humility and humiliation?

From: Puri Ashishkumar
Many times we feel stuck and confused with the thin line of difference between showing “Humility” and getting “Humiliated”.How do we reconcile the extent to which being humble wont get us humiliation.

Transcript

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Puri Ashish Kumar asks, How do we differentiate between humility and humiliation? How do we ensure that in the name of being humble, we don’t end up getting humiliated? Answer, humility is false ego rejected. Humiliation is false ego frustrated. There is a Gita Daily article on this topic which you can read for more detail.
Essentially the difference will lie between not how another person behaves but on how we behave. That means if we go into a particular situation expecting to be respected, even demanding that respect and not getting that, we will become humiliated. On the other hand, if we go into a situation to serve Krishna, and our service may be direct or indirect depending on our particular ashram and our position circumstances, but essentially if we are going with the intention to serve, then no matter what happens, we are humble.
Now there are situations when even a humble person can be humiliated. That means a devotee in order to do some service needs a certain level of respect. So for example, if a devotee is invited to give a class and when the class is about to start, at that time everybody just starts gossiping among themselves and nobody pays attention to the class.
And even when the devotee calls for attention, nobody pays any attention. So at such times we will understand that this is an intentional disrespect. And although one knows that one should not disrespect, still one disrespects.
So this is definitely undesirable. It can even be offensive. And in such situations a devotee may feel humiliated because even devotees, as we as sadhakas, may not be free from false ego.
So at the same time, the devotee had gone there with the intention of service. Now it’s not that we have to go out of our way to become humiliated in order to become humble. No, humiliation and humility are two different things entirely.
If we need to do a service somewhere and if we are not getting whatever facilities are required for that service, which may include even a basic level of respect. If somebody is speaking about Krishna, speaking in the Bhagavad Gita, the Bhagavatam, the speaker deserves some respect. If he is not getting that, then the speaker may well decide, I will not go there again.
And Ashila Prabhupada himself, we see that intelligence. He found that Indians were not very interested in his message. So then he just chose to start preaching in the West.
And there also if you see, it was not that he was welcomed with people offering obeisances and respecting him. He earned their respect. So a devotee’s primary motivation is how can I best serve.
And in whichever circumstances the devotee gets the best facilities to serve Krishna, the devotee chooses those circumstances and continues on. So it’s not that as devotees we have to be blind and deaf to how people are responding to us. We have to see that because we also want them to advance in spiritual life and their response to us may be one way in which their receptiveness to spiritual life can be judged, can be evaluated.
So therefore, how do we tread the fine line? First and foremost, we try to have the motive for service. Now we are human beings. As human beings, we have a natural need to feel valued, appreciated and cared for.
And that is that natural human need is not to be denied. At the same time, we don’t let the human need overshadow our spiritual obligation. That means there is a spiritual need, there is a human need and there is an egoistic need.
The spiritual need is that if you have to do some service, we need certain facilities which may include respect. The human need is that we want reciprocation. We want to feel, we want to value, we want to love others and we want to be loved by others.
So that involves valuing each other, which also involves respect. And beyond that, there is the ego’s need. The ego’s need is that wherever a person, wherever I go, everybody there should know my glories.
So that is not necessary, that is undesirable for bhakti. But now among these three, if our motive is primarily centered on spiritual need, means I am going to serve Krishna, whatever I am doing. Now there may be the human need, but I don’t let the human need overshadow the spiritual need.
And of course, all of us have an ego and the ego may also have its craving. But we don’t let our decisions be shaped primarily by the ego’s cravings. So in this way, we can differentiate.
If we go into a situation where our intention is to serve, and we find that whatever is required for that service is not being provided, then we don’t have to go there. And we can avoid that situation. Now, humiliation can be purifying also, no doubt, for our ego.
But that is not the recommended way for purification. It’s not that as we want to purify each other, so we will humiliate each other. No, it’s just as we will follow Vaishnava etiquette and do Amarina, Amanadena.
Similarly, there is a recommended way of purification, and that is by rendering devotional service. So if while in the course of devotional service we are disrespected sometimes, and that makes us feel humiliated, then we accept that as a part of the austerity of rendering devotional service in the material world. But we don’t have to court that austerity again and again in the hope that it will purify us.
Our primary focus is on serving Krishna. It is not on whether our false ego is inflated or deflated. We are not ego-centered.
We are Krishna-centered, Krishna service-centered. And whatever helps us to serve Krishna, we accept that. So humility, as Srila Prabhupada explains, is to not be anxious to have the satisfaction of being honored by others.
So humility essentially frees us from self-consciousness and enables us to become Krishna conscious, to be conscious of the opportunity and the facility to serve Krishna, and to use that to ourselves go closer to Krishna and to help others go closer to Krishna. So by checking our intention for service and evaluating the facility, the availability of the facility necessary for that service, we can decide whether to be present in a particular situation or to avoid that situation. Thank you.