How can we guide others when different people want different levels of instruction?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

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Thank you. How do we actually go guide others when different people are different? Some people would like to be told clearly, some people may not like to be told so clearly. Yeah, the basic principle is that we can’t control others.
We can do basically three things for others. We can share knowledge, we can provide facilities, and we can set example. In molding anyone else’s behavior, there’s only three things we can do.
Knowledge, facilities, and inspiration. That means, okay, if somebody wants to do a particular activity, we can give them. If you do this, this will happen, this will happen.
And we provide knowledge. That’s the first thing we can do. Second is provide facilities.
So for example, if say, you want young people to practice spirituality, but if you ask them to come for a program where everybody is 60 years old, no one of their age, how long can they continue that? So some like-minded, some of the same age group, similar group, provide facilities basically. Young people will practice spirituality in a way different from middle-aged people, different from elderly people. So this facilitation is very important.
And third is set an example. This is something which is a subtle, but a very important way of reaching out. Especially when, see, when we are very small, at that time, the parents are like gods for us.
But then as we start growing up, we basically go through phases. Now, first is like, our parents are our everything. And then it is when we come to the adolescence, it’s almost like the parents are nothing.
There is, it’s, we have elevated them just from a childhood to a very big level. And then we find that they are, they also have their faults, they also have their limitations, and become very disappointed. But then the maturation is through, as we slowly come out of adolescence, we start realizing, yes, they have their faults, but still they love me, still they have done a lot for me.
And they are, they do care for me. So that is a phase which we all go through. So now, setting an example means, the parents, basically, I am just talking about parenting here, but the principle applies.
There is basically any kind, there is in any relationship where there is a, you could say a guardian and a ward, or some sort of relationship like that, a vertical relationship in some way. And there is off-showing love, and there is offering discipline. Both are there.
So, if there is, there are some kinds of parents who offer neither love nor discipline. That is, the parents are watching TV and the parents give a TV set for their child also. You watch your TV, I watch my TV.
Now, there are negligent parents. So, no love, no discipline, that is negligence. There are some parents who offer only love, no discipline.
They are permissive parents. Oh, you want this, take this. You want this, you take this.
Take this toy, take that toy, take that toy, take whatever you want. And the problem with this is, sometimes parents say, you know, all that I did not get, I will give you. Jo bhi mujhe nahi mila, wo sab tumko dunga main.
Which is, as a feeling it sounds nice, but the problem with that is, a part of growing up is learning to take no for an answer. Life is not going to say yes all the time to us. So, if the parents are always saying yes to everything the child says, the child develops their expectation that I will get what I want.
And when life does not get what I want, the child just cannot take it. So, there is discipline also that is to be there. But if there is only love and no discipline, then that is very permissive and that does not work for long.
On the other hand, sometimes there is only discipline and no love. Do this, do not do this, do this, do not do this. Then that is authoritarian parenting, where the children will obey for some time, but then they will rebel and go as soon as they get their freedom.
And where there is love as well as discipline, that is authoritative parenting. That means parents, they offer love, but at the same time, discipline is offered in a way that is explaining, you should not do this because of this, you should do this because of this. So, regarding the specific extent or the specific combination of love and discipline that will be there, that will vary according to individual to individual.
And just by observing others and seeing how they react, we basically have to observe and learn. And it is not that in any relationship, there is a standard formula. But by observing, if we learn and gradually we start seeing, okay, this person needs more encouragement.
Sometimes somebody is discouraged and at that time we chastise them, then they will become completely deflated. So, that time they will need encouragement. Somebody is over enthusiastic, at that time we may need to bring their feet back on the ground.
So, according to time, place, circumstance, the exact how love and discipline can be balanced, that will have to be decided. But broadly, if we connect ourselves with Krishna well, with our bhakti, then dadami buddhi yogam, Krishna who is the intelligence about how best we can act in our relationships. Thank you very much.
Yes, last question. So, you were saying that the corporate world now, they are very serious.