How can we help our teenage kids who are infatuated with their gadgets?

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Now, if teenagers, they are infatuated with their phones, and if you want to give them a perspective of something higher, it’s very difficult at that time. See, if you consider life phases, the phase of childhood is a time when the child is more or less defined by their parents, and the son of so-and-so, and the daughter of so-and-so. When we go to adulthood, we have our own identity.
I have this degree, I have this job, I have this profession. In teenage, it is, they are not old enough to have their own identity, but they are not small enough to be satisfied by their identity from their parents. So they are searching for their identity, and at that time, they are very vulnerable to peer pressure.
So in their social circle, whatever seems cool, they’ll go to any extremes to do that. So if just fooling around technology, taking selfies, updating that on Instagram, Facebook, that’s what looks cool, that’s what they will do. So at that stage, because they’re also growing up, they’re not so much in our control.
As children, we have much more control over them, but as they’re going to teenage, that much control is not there. So broadly, we can influence people only in three ways. One is, we provide them the knowledge of actions and the consequences.
Second is, that we provide them some facility for making healthier choices. And third is, we set an example ourselves. So knowledge, facility, and example, these are the only three ways in which one human being can influence another human being.
Now, at that age, knowledge can also come off as very, as I said, didactic. You are telling me, don’t do this, do this. So rather than we speaking something to them, if there are some sources which they are more likely to trust.
So for example, nowadays, there is a lot of people who are thinking about this, how technology is alienating us. So you are at a party, but you’re not concerned about who’s at the party, you’re concerned about other people elsewhere, they’re watching me, how I’m at this party. So you can’t even enjoy the party.
So if there are some resources like that, say there are some articles, some papers, some videos, which talk about the alienation that is happening. So rather than you telling, if some other sources which they’re likely to trust, tell this, then that knowledge, they can accept it. Indirect, yeah.
And as far as facility is concerned, that is the age when they’re exploring various things. So if there were some forums available where they could even explore something spiritual in a group, which is similar to their age group, then that can be seen simply as an adventure for them, as another new experience. So it’s important that we have that kind of facilities, say teenage spiritual groups, or something like that.
And wherever that kind of thing is available, we can facilitate that. Because without providing some healthy facility, it’s not easy for them to resist the peer pressure. Basically, if they can find themselves getting their sense of identity in a group of people who have better values, then their sense of identity won’t drag them over there.
They’ll go, hey, these are also good, nice people. I want to hang out with these people. So you can create a facility like that, or find out where there is a facility and help them be there.
That can help. And of course, example is, how much are we caught with our gadgets? If we keep a sense of perspective, and we are not too infatuated by that, our own gadgets, then they see that. I’m enjoying these gadgets, but my parents, my adults, they could be doing this much more, but they’re not doing this.
So that may not have an immediate effect. But that does have an effect gradually. And sometimes in that age, you just have to learn through experience.
So we try to guide them towards the right choice. But if they don’t accept it at that time, if at least we can keep the relationship, then over a period of time through their experiences, they themselves realize, this is not really fulfilling. There’s something more.
But sometimes if for that thing, there’s too much of a confrontation, then that alienation prevents them from coming back to us, even when they’ve realized the emptiness of what they’re doing. So if we just maintain a good relationship, and try to give them some facility, but even if they go off track, if the relationship is good, they’ll come back. And that’s what, because if we spoil the relationship at that time, you shouldn’t do this, you should do this.
Then it becomes for them also an ego issue. I thought this was right, you said this is right. I know this is wrong now, but I won’t admit it.
So then they’ll stay stuck over there. So sometimes you just have to go through some experience and learn.