​How can we know which situations are in our control and which out of control?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
how can we know what is really in our control, what is not in our control when should we try to stop controlling things see first thing is that if the attempt to control sends us out of control then that means we are going beyond our jurisdiction means if I am trying to persuade somebody, I am trying to make that person see sense and in that process I start getting angry, I start getting agitated that itself is an indication that you know persuading this person may not be in my control so it’s when we are in control of a situation then simple way to understand this is say that I have, if I do weight lifting, I lift 10 kg weight on a regular basis I lift 11 kg then it’s a little strain but I feel strengthened by that but if I try to lift a 20 kg weight I feel crushed I will panic, I feel the weight is going to fall on me so now that means from 10 kg 11 kg is liftable but 20 kg is not liftable so the attempt to lift the weight it doesn’t just exercise me it actually starts injuring me it causes panic in me then I understand 20 kg is not my capacity so like that in any situation when in trying to rectify the situation we get too worked up and that means that’s an indication that now first I have to regain my own control then I can deal with the situation so usually whenever we are faced with a problem the first tendency is to try to fix the problem by changing something outside and quite often that is required if a patient has come in emergency and there is a doctor the doctor has to rush out give oxygen, do the surgery do the necessary treatment that is essential but while doing that the doctor is agitated for example if it’s the doctor’s own child who has been brought in emergency then the colleagues will tell you don’t treat over here because your emotions are putting you out of control so our tendency is often when there is a problem we want to fix it by changing the externals and that is required no doubt but we have to check whether in trying to control the externals change the externals I am going out of control now in the rush of the moment sometimes we may just go out of the control that is fine but then we realize then we get back under control but if it’s happening regularly then that means we are in a situation which is beyond our capacity and we need to do something to either change the situation or we need to change our way of approaching the situation and then we can deal with it better so usually the test would be that if trying to control that situation makes us go out of control say we are trying to tell somebody do this do this and then instead of telling them do this we start shouting do this whether they do it or not we have gone out of control even if we are able to control them probably they are going to be resentful they are going to find a short way easy way path of least resistance to get it done with and get back at that afterwards so if we are going out of control then we have to step back first get back our control and then our capacity to control also increases gradually just like from 10 kg if I keep practicing I will come to a situation where I can lift up 20 kg also but it is gradual so by focusing on the situation that is in our control means what we can do without getting too agitated by that our capacity to do more and more increases and then we get more and more things in our control does it answer the question? thank you