How can we overcome anger?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
See, how can we control our anger? Firstly, we have to change our conception.
We normally think of emotions only in two terms, either expressing or repressing. I get angry, I just express it to someone, shout at the other person. Otherwise I feel I repress it.
Now, neither of these is healthy. If we express it, the other person feels hurt. And it’s not just the other person feels hurt, we also speak things which we know we should not speak.
But if we repress it, then anger that is repressed becomes hate. And eventually that hate will come out in ugly form. So we need to have a third option.
Beyond expressing and repressing to processing. Processing means that ultimately an anger is an indicator that something is wrong. So rather than reacting to whoever we at that moment feel has caused that wrong, we have to process.
See, we can’t deny the anger. If I’m angry, I’m angry. But if I process it, then what happens is, yes, it may be true also somebody else is blamed for it.
But when we are angry, we speak it in a very accusatory way. And the other person becomes first defensive and then aggressive. It simply worsens the situation.
So the first thing we have to do when we get angry is get safe. We think I have to get back. You did this to me, I’ll do this to you.
But the first thing we need to do is get safe. Now suppose a snake has come and bit me. And it’s spinning, I see the snake slithering away.
I can get angry, you snake, how dare you bit me. If I get angry with the snake and I start running after the snake, I’ll stamp you to death. Now even if I get to the snake and stamp it to death, what is going to happen? During that time, my heart is beating more, the blood is circulating, and the poison is going deeper into my body.
So at that time, the snake has stung me. The first thing I have to do is get safe, not get evil. So like that, when we are angry, the poison of anger has entered our system.
We have to deal with the poison. And if the snake is there, we may even have to deal with the snake. But not at that point.
So at that point, what we need to do is get safe. So getting safe can be done in various ways. First is, in general, if we look at our life, we’ll find out which are the situations in which we get angry.
And sometimes anger just comes unexpectedly. But sometimes we find also anger is building up now. You know, one interaction, two interactions, three interactions are tolerated.
Now I won’t be able to tolerate. So if we find out which are the kind of situations in which we get angry, then to be forewarned is to be forearmed. Then when that kind of situation starts coming in, at that time we either avoid getting into the situation, that means, okay, or we just, as soon as the situation starts escalating, we just go out.
You know, it may look a little odd when we are talking with people and somebody will just walk out of there. But at that time, all that will look odd. It will look odd then, but if we speak, it will look bad.
So looking odd is better than turning out looking bad. So first is we have to just look at our life and anticipate. We can broadly find out which are the situations in which you get angry and be prepared for that and be ready to either avoid it or walk out of it.
The second thing is that when that anger is there, it has come, one of the best ways to process it is by writing it down. You know, maybe have a journal or something. Just, because you vomit out the anger.
Don’t vomit it out to that person. See, what happens is, if I express it to the other person, it hurts me. But if I repress it, it will hurt me.
So what I need somewhere in between, just write it out. Whatever you feel, write it out. So many times I do that if I’m angry with someone, you know, I correspond a lot with people by email.
So just write a mail. But I make a policy for 24 hours, I’ll not send that email. And then just write it down, just expressing ourselves, even if it’s on paper, that decreases the inner pressure.
It calms us down. And then after 24 hours, we look at it again. By that time we have calmed down and then we can rationally evaluate it.
Now this, I’m being too harsh over this point. This is a reasonable point, I can speak this. This point, I’m assuming something.
I’m assuming it is like this, but it may be like that. So we calmly evaluate it. And then sometimes I have found in 24 hours, the other person only sends some mail by clarifying, I understand, actually there’s some misunderstanding.
Sometimes that person apologizes, that person clarifies. Things get rectified. Because sometimes, this is the point of processing, I’m saying.
First just express it privately, and then go through it. And then we can rationally analyze, this is valid, this is not valid, I need to find more information. So basically, yes, no, get more information.
That way we can analyze it. And then after that, we can do what is required. Now this is all at a conscious level.
At a subconscious level also we need to work. Subconscious means anger is there within our consciousness, and it’s going to burst out. So the bhakti, the Bhagavad Gita tells us, that we can purify ourselves of negative emotions at two levels.
One is through buddhi, and the other is through bhakti. So buddhi is intelligence, bhakti is devotion. So what I talked about right now, it is buddhi.
With our intelligence we process. But what bhakti does is, it purifies us internally. That means, there is anger which is there inside us, and as long as that anger is there, it’ll just vent out.
But if we are purified internally, then the inner build-up of anger that is there, that itself decreases. So when we understand that ultimately God is in control, and I don’t necessarily have to settle scores. I don’t have to get even, if somebody has hurt me, I’ll try to work to rectify situations, I’ll try to get, but ultimately everybody is accountable to God.
So that understanding in the conscious, but even the subconscious level, the connecting with God who is all pure, purifies us of anger. So one of the best ways to connect with God is through chanting His holy names. So we have this Mahamantra which we chant, Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Ram, Hare Ram, Ram Ram, Hare Hare.
We chant this regularly. We find that not just specific provocative situations, which you’ll be able to deal with better, but in general, the irritability that is there, that’ll go down. And then you’ll be able to deal with anger.
Thank you. Hare Krishna. Thank you.