How can we raise our children so that they become devotees?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Thank you very much. How can we raise our children in Krishna consciousness? See, first thing is, we see them as spiritual beings.
They are not just my children. They are parts of Krishna. They are entrusted by Krishna to me.
And along with that, there has to be a clear understanding of not only our responsibility but also our limitation. That means, if we only think that I have to make my children into devotees, then we are not recognizing that they are souls with free will. We can’t make them into devotees.
We can inspire them. But they have to choose to become devotees. And if they don’t become devotees, that is not necessarily a failure on our part.
Because sometimes it may well happen that even for a spiritual master, Prabhupada initiated so many people, some of his disciples did not continue the practices. The soul has free will. And some souls may, for whatever reason, may not use their free will properly.
Even Krishna doesn’t interfere with the free will. Krishna at the end of the Bhagavad Gita says that Arjuna, now you deliberate on what I have done, what I have said, and then you decide what you want to do. Deliberate and then decide what you want to do.
So that is the principle which Krishna also, he acknowledges our free will. Actually Krishna is doing two things. He is recognizing Arjuna’s intelligence.
You are intelligent enough to deliberate, to understand what I am trying to say, what I am saying, and then acknowledging Krishna’s independence. You do what you want to do. So, similarly, we would actually want our children to become devotees and that is definitely an important responsibility.
But if we put in too much personal emotion into that, then they should become devotees. Today, Prabhu, I really wanted both of them to sit down and listen. My son couldn’t sit down that long.
It’s okay, wait a minute. See, even Prabhupada, if you read Lila Amrit, please go ahead. I am asking the question, how we as devotees bring up our children with Krishna.
See, even Prabhupada, when he was a small child, there is no report that he would go to lectures and hear lectures submissively. Prabhupada is also a demanding child. When it was his birthday, his parents gave him one gun as a gift.
He said, I want another gun for the other hand. So, we don’t have to have some sort of idealistic pattern of what a child should be. The most important thing is, the children should feel loved by us.
Once they feel loved, as I said, with respect to preaching also, that if people get it, people get that we are their well-wishers, then gradually what we are telling them, they will accept it. So, similarly, if our children feel that our love for them is conditional, if they become devotees, we love them. If they don’t become devotees, we will not love them.
Then, they become very insecure because of that. So, whatever they do, our love, we will be available for them. Now, that doesn’t mean that we don’t tell what is our approval and what is our disapproval.
That is our duty as parents to tell them. This is what we would like you to do. But, whether you do this or not, still, we love you.
Our love for them should be unconditional. That does not mean our approval is unconditional. There is a difference between the two.
But, whatever happens, whatever children do, they should not feel that if I do this, my parents will reject me. No, they will always, we should always be there for them. In general, one human being can influence another human being only to some limited extent.
There are basically three things we can do for others. One is, we can provide knowledge. So, initially, when children are very small, we just tell them, do this, don’t do this.
But, as they start growing up, their intelligence also develops. And, if we start explaining to them, why we should do this, why we should not do this. Sometimes, they may also need explanations in a way which they can understand.
So, we can provide knowledge to them. That is one thing we can do. Second thing is, we can arrange facilities for them.
So, in that connection, if they are coming to temples and everybody is 20, 30, 40 years older than them, and they are out of place over there. So, to expect children to sit for such programs, it may not always work. But then, in the temple community, there should be some other programs which are for them.
So, you may have Sunday schools, but apart from that also, some programs for whatever is suitable, where they also get systematic philosophical education in a way that is customized for them. So, if they have a group of people of their own age, their own background, so they don’t have to feel that to do what my parents want to do, I have to become isolated from everybody else. So, we need to provide them facilities.
So, maybe like yesterday you had this drama, this is very nice where children get attention, they get value, and they are able to do something different, something enjoyable. So, creating facilities is very important. And thirdly, setting an example.
So, Krishna Consciousness is often more caught than taught. Caught means caught than taught. That means that if our children see that, that we are actually ourselves practicing sincerely and sometimes we may say one thing and do another thing.
Children, as they start growing up, initially, in the first 5 to 10 years, for the children, the parents are like gods. Because children, for the first 5 years we could say, at least, because everything for the children depends on the life of the parents. Then, usually after 10, as they start entering into teenage, they start becoming more skeptical.
When they start seeing, you know, my parents also commit mistakes, they also have these limitations. And as their hormones start coming into the body, then they go into a phase of rebellion. And that is a difficult period.
But, that period doesn’t last forever. And if the parents still maintain the relationship, although the children may do something which are very, which may be very painful for us, but if we just maintain the relationship, by the age of 20, they start realizing, yes, my parents are not god, but, you know, the way the teenage mind makes us think, so much, my parents are so restrictive, so dominating or whatever, all the conceptions that the mind comes up, the hormones calm down and they start realizing, yes, actually my parents have done a lot for me. And then they come to a more mature relationship.
So, Chanakya Pandit also points to these phases when he says, you know, He says, for the first 5 years, just you know, be loving to the child. Pamper the child. Make sure they feel loved.
Then afterwards, they need some disciplining. After they start growing up, between 5 to 10, then, you just discipline them so that they learn properly. Then, after they come to adulthood, with Mitra, just treat them as friends.
Because now they have grown up, they have their intelligence, they have their independence and they are going to choose. I have on my website, spiritualscientist.com, I have a full seminar on parenting principles from Bhagavad Gita. the website is spiritualscientist.com. Yes, yes.
I think the transcription has also been made, I am not sure, but the audio is definitely there. And I talk elaborately about different kinds of parents and how the Bhagavad Gita can help us to become better parents. But broadly speaking, if you do these three things, provide knowledge, provide facilities and set an example, then they will, even if for some time they seem to be unsubmissive or rebellious, over time they will change.
And they will realize that what they were taught in the childhood was actually very good for them and they will come towards Krishna. Okay. Thank you.