How can we work with difficult people?
Podcast
Transcript
Disclaimer: This transcript was generated using AI and may contain occasional errors or inaccuracies.
So what do we do if we have a person who is very angry, gossipy, negative, and we have to be with them in work or home or neighborhood? Yeah, we can just control ourselves, but what about them? There are broadly two kinds of people. Some people bring happiness wherever they go, and some people bring happiness whenever they go. And in everybody's life, there are only some people in both the categories.
So it's just the way the world is fashioned, that some people will be people who we will heave a sigh of relief when we don't have to interact with them. That's how it is. Now generally, we can't change anyone.
What we can basically do is that every relationship works best at particular distances. That means that in every relationship, there is a bond and there is a boundary. And if there is no bond, then there is no relationship.
But if there is no boundary, then also there is no proper relationship. So we can't control the other person, but to some extent, we can define the boundaries of the relationship. That means that if that person talks and we don't pay much attention to them, if we have the kind of relationship, we can tell them, I don't like to talk about these things, I would prefer not to talk about whatever you say.
Now we set the parameters. Now, if they may go on doing it, but we don't have to reciprocate, especially in today's world where it's more egalitarian. Generally, the mood is that if you don't step on my shoes, step on my feet, I will step on your feet.
So if we set the boundaries, then that person may be the way they are, but it won't affect us that much. Yeah, OK, I'll come to that point. No, so now this is an important point.
And if they keep pressing our buttons, so the issue is here that we all just as sometimes we sustain physical moods, we also sustain emotional moods. So sometimes if somebody has got a bad shoulder, sometimes the bad shoulder is so bad that you have to go to a doctor and do some therapy and try to get it healed. Sometimes it's just that, OK, your movement is limited, but you go on with life with that.
Just as different physical wounds we deal with differently. Some we just let them heal naturally. Some we take some intensive therapy to heal it.
Some we just learn to live with it. It's not curable. So what happens? The pain because of the physical wound would be there.
But over a period of time, this is how it is. Some people stammer while speaking. Sometimes some stammer therapy might help them to cure it.
Some people say, no, nothing is working. So I'll communicate with whatever way I can using this limitation itself. So like that, we also will in the course of relationships sustain some emotional wounds.
So now some emotional wounds, we may want to immediately heal them. This shouldn't happen like this. But some emotional wounds might just be like some incurable physical wounds.
They might just be there. So then what we need to do is, we may have to live with pain. But we don't have to live in pain.
What does that mean? We expand our consciousness. Live with pain means pain is a companion. But live in pain means pain becomes a container.
That is what consumes our consciousness. We can't think of anything. So live with pain means we expand our consciousness.
To see, okay, this person is like this. And this person keeps speaking like this. Let me try not to take this person's words seriously.
So it's not that easy. But if we accept that this person is going to speak like this. So then gradually, if we decide, we all can develop a thick skin.
As we grow spiritually, we want a tender heart. But we need to cover that tender heart with a thick skin. So there are some people who will just criticize.
And in some ways, we just have to move on in our life without taking their words so seriously. That means, as I said, that the dogs may bark, but the caravan rolls on. So it's important to, if you're going to interact with such people or work with such people, it's important to have the bigger picture in your mind.
What am I here for? What is my purpose? Say, if I'm just going for a stroll, and somebody insults us. How dare you insult me? You know, we might turn and argue with that person or confront that person. But, say, if you're going for an important job interview, and somebody insults you.
The insult is the same, it will affect, but I don't have time for this. Let me move on. So in general, if our purpose becomes prominent in our consciousness, we focus on that purpose, then what happens? Then that pain might still be there, but the pain won't consume our consciousness.
Because our consciousness has become bigger, by which we are focusing on the purpose. And okay, this person I have to tolerate. Let me just live with it.
And let me move on. So tolerance comes primarily by, tolerance essentially means to keep small things small, so that we can focus on the big things. So now, unless we have some big thing to focus on, what will happen? The small thing will become big.
If we don't have anything to fight for, it's not that we'll stop fighting. If we don't have anything to fight for, we will fight for anything. If we don't have anything to fight for, we will fight for anything.
So in general, if we don't have a purpose, something that is important for us, something that we want to contribute in our life, something which we really want our life to represent, then any small thing will become big. And of course, big things will become huge, out of proportion only. But if we focus on that big purpose, then we may have to live with pain, but we won't live in pain.
Okay, thank you. And if the ladies have any questions?