How Our Mind Makes Us Misunderstand Others

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Jai! The mind is present inside us and it is a translator of the experiences that we have. So, we don’t just observe the things around us.
We observe things as they are processed through our mind. So, for example, what does the mind in quick fixes? It looks for the quick solution. So, while dealing with people, our mind fixes labels on them.
We observe a particular person, we see how they interact maybe a few times and then it fixes, oh, this person is lazy. This person is a glutton. And sometimes the mind, it is very peculiar.
If I overeat, I was hungry. Somebody else overeats, it’s a glutton. If I oversleep, I was tired.
He oversleeps, so lazy. So, the mind has a tendency to reinforce its ideas. That means if I have a negative opinion about someone, then I will always look for whatever will reinforce that opinion.
And that way, we see that label and we reinforce that label again and again. And labels can be very detrimental. Because when we label others, at that time, we push them into a defensive mode.
I’ll come to that part a little later. But, basically, the issue goes off and we are left dealing with the label. So, you’re always processing things.
Oh, this person is like this, that’s why they were like this. So, that label becomes the filter through which we see all the other person’s actions. And when that label is often partial or wrong, then we misunderstand others.
Recently, I got a Google Voice phone number when I was in America. And Google Voice has a voice transcription facility. I mean, somebody sends a voice message.
It comes as an audio, but it also comes as a voice message. So, I got quite a few funny messages. So, Howdy Cash, when is it coming? So, this was a message I got.
Actually, the message was when I heard it, Hare Krishna, when are you coming? So, the second was Hari kicking, death calling, please call as soon as possible. So, it was Hare Krishna, Dev calling, please call back as soon as possible. So, death calling.
So, now, at one level, reading the message is much faster. To hear, I can read a message, a 3-minute message, I can read it in 3-minute voice message, I can read it in 30 seconds. So, naturally, if it came as a written word, it’s much easier to read.
But, if in the process of writing, it has come wrong, it leads to a complete misunderstanding. So, sometimes, something may be more easily accessible, but it may be less accurate. So, there is accessibility that is important, but there is also accuracy that is more important.
So, generally, the labels that we put on people, they make their behavior more accessible to us. It helps us to make sense. Okay, this person is like this, because of which the person is doing like that.
But, sometimes, what we gain in accessibility, we lose much more in accuracy. So, if somebody comes late, I may understand, this person just doesn’t come on time. So, we may not take it personally.
It’s not that they disrespect me, it’s their habit of not coming on time. This person is not punctual. Sometimes, it may, the labels, if we use them to gain better understanding of people, that may be helpful.
But, many times, in trying to fit people according to labels, what happens is, first, based on their behavior, we determine some labels. But then, everything that they do, we try to fit into that label. And then, it becomes a problem.
So, what we need is that we separate the label from the issue. And, observe the person for who they are. And, try to understand why they are acting the way they are acting.
So, I’ll give you examples. Somebody may be eating a lot, but again, like I told earlier, our attachments are results of our unmet needs. The misdirected expressions.
The same may be applicable for someone else. Some people are very aggressive and abrasive. They just speak so harshly.
Now, see, why is this person so harsh? But, that may just be that person’s way of, they may have been hurt by someone in the past, and they just want to keep people at a distance. That aggression may just be a facade for protection. So, basically when people act in particular ways, and we assign labels to them, then, we limit our understanding of them.
So, somebody may be lazy, somebody who is not doing something. Come on, do this. Sluggard, this takes a hundred, they take a long time to do, which takes a small time for us.
This person is so lazy. They may not be lazy, they may just lack the confidence. I can’t do it, and they don’t want to admit, I can’t do it, I don’t know how to do it.
If I don’t do it, then maybe you’ll tell someone else to do it, and I’ll get free from it. So, there is a lot going on when the way people act doesn’t match with the way we want them to act. It is not just that they don’t care for us, or they are of a particular nature.
So, when we want to pursue things, we have to understand that the mind is like this, a Google voice message transcriber. It gives us labels by which we can access quickly, but often it misunderstands. It makes us misunderstand.
So, if a message doesn’t make sense, if the transcription doesn’t make sense, and I use the transcription, but the transcription doesn’t make sense, then I have to go back and hear the voice message, actually, what it is. So, I used it for some time, and so many messages were coming wrong, I just deleted the whole thing. I said, let me hear the voice messages only.
Because, every time you get a message, try to make sense of it, and then after it makes sense, we wonder, is this the right word, or was there something else over here? So, better that we can’t get rid of the mind, but we need to come more again, in our perception of others, we need to come more to the mode of goodness. So, think, as I said, passion, ignorance. Thinking in the mode of goodness means separating the emotion from the situation.