How to avoid judging others?

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Thank you.
Based on our experience, when we judge someone in a particular way, but they may be very advanced, how to avoid this judging? Generally, we observe certain things and based on observation, we observe certain actions and based on those actions, we ascribe certain motivations to people. And the motivation that we ascribe to them, that is based on our preconceptions of them. If we see somebody eating a lot, this person is a glutton.
But, if we like that person, or for that matter, what does he think of us? If somebody else overeats, such a glutton. If I overeat, I was hungry. If we see somebody sleeping a lot, such a lazy person.
If we ask him to sleep a lot, I was just tired. So, what happens, when we see an action and we ascribe a motivation? Generally, if we like someone, we are charitable in ascribing that motivation. And if we don’t like that person, then we are uncharitable.
We will actually ascribe a negative motivation to that person. So, all that we have seen is the action. But, what motivation we are ascribing, that is based on our influence.
So, if we just learn to separate the facts from the feelings. The fact is, okay, this person is overeating, this person is oversleeping. But, the feeling is not there.
We have a negative feeling about him. That negative feeling may be true, it may not be true. So, when we see somebody doing a particular action, and we judge them.
So, now, to some extent of functioning in this world, we do need to discern. Okay, this person, I can count on this person. This person, I am not sure whether I can count on them.
So, discerning is required for us. But, discerning is done from a platform of caution. Whereas, judging is done from a platform of superiority.
I am so good, this person is so bad. Suppose, say, we want to, we want some important message to be conveyed to someone. I look at this person.
If I tell them, will they be able to send it, or will they forget it? So, now, this is, last time I gave it to them, they forgot. Or they, I can’t give it to them. This is discerning.
If I move from this, this person is fully responsible. And then we make a label which we ascribe to that person. That is where we judge.
So, by, we can’t deny the fact, we observe something which is questionable. And we can’t even deny our feelings. I feel annoyed with this person.
He forgot it last time. But, when we bring the facts and the feelings together and arrive at a label. That is where it becomes a problem.
I can accept the facts, I can accept the feelings. But, I keep them separate. So, I can’t trust this person now.
Because they did like this. But, if I say, this person is untrustworthy, then what I am doing is, I am conflating, mixing together the fact and the feeling, and arriving at a value judgment. So, that is where it becomes a problem.
If we learn to avoid ascribing a motivation to people’s actions, then we can be cautious. Last time I spoke a secret to this person, this person just revealed it to everyone. So, I cannot tell them any secret.
But, that does not necessarily mean that person is a backbiter. If I label a person as something, that is where I am judging. But, if I objectively observe, and then, I also let that situation create some feelings, I acknowledge that.
But, I don’t mix the two and arrive at a judgment. Then, we can avoid the judgmentality. And, especially if we are interacting with someone regularly, and we have some negative perception about them, then it is good to try to associate with someone who has a positive perception about this person.
And then, you will see, okay, you know, why does this person think so good about this person? And then, instead of again evaluating through our filters, maybe these two people are just they are in some racket together, they are flattering each other, scratching each other’s backs. No. Maybe this person is seeing some good which I don’t see.
So, by hearing from someone who sees something positive in that person, you can also see that positive. That way, by avoiding to combine facts and feelings, and by trying to hear from somebody who can give us an alternative perspective, we can avoid judgmental mentality. Krishna says, characteristic of the godly, of those of godly nature, divine nature is that they are averse to fault finding.
So, to the extent, we can also avoid delighting in finding fault with others, labeling others, to the extent our godly nature will also manifest.