How to avoid jumping to conclusions – DAS acronym

[Talk at ISKCON, Hawaii, USA]

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Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Jumping is jumping to conclusions. Now normally if a child wants to jump a long distance, say there is a big hole in the ground or a big channel, a child wants to jump across, the mother may say, don’t jump, it’s too dangerous. So basically when we jump, there is one solid ground here, there is solid ground there and in between there is something which is not solid.
So we are jumping across. So similarly in life, when we jump to conclusions, what happens is there is some information that we have and from that information we come to some understanding and when we come to that understanding, that may or may not be correct. So usually when we interact with each other, so we interact based on observing people and looking at their actions and based on their actions, we infer their motivations.
Why is somebody doing something like that? So how this jumping from observation to motivation can go wrong? I will talk about three broad factors which I will use the acronym DAS. We are meant to be servants, DAS, but actually jumping to conclusions prevents us from being a servant, from being a DAS, so DAS. So why might we jump to wrong conclusions? I will give examples for this, for all of this.
So disposition, association and situation. So disposition means we might ourselves be inclined to think habitually in a particular way. This is what psychologists call as attribution error.
That means if we like someone, say we don’t like someone and we see that person eating a lot. If we like that person and we see them eating a lot, we say, must have been hungry. Now, must have been hungry.
The action is the same, but based on whether we like that person or don’t like that person, for that action we ascribe either a charitable motivation or an uncharitable motivation. And this applies to almost everything in life. We can’t see each other’s minds.
So we can see only their actions and based on their actions and we try to arrive at motivations. Why is a person doing like this? So because of our own disposition, our own disposition might be that we have a negative conception about that person. Then we ascribe negative motives towards them.
So we see this happening in the Mahabharata. In the Mahabharata, the Pandavas and Kauravas are cousins. And the Kauravas, especially they had Duryodhana, was meant to be the ruler.
Or he expected he would be the ruler because the Pandavas were living far away in the forest. Their father had retired at a young age. And he was a pampered child.
In today’s language, you might say that there is an entitlement generation. Feel they are entitled to everything. So he felt like that.
And when he came back, when the Pandavas came back, Duryodhana was arrogant. Duryodhana was self-obsessed. Whereas the Pandavas, especially Yudhishthira, was gentle, respectful, courteous.
And naturally, the attention of the courtiers and the citizens shifted from Duryodhana to the Pandavas. And this made Duryodhana feel that the Pandavas, they have come here to usurp my kingdom. They have come to take away from me what is mine.
And thus began a lifelong envy. The Pandavas had no such intention like this. They were just teenagers at that time and their father had unfortunately died.
So at the advice of the sages, they came back to the kingdom. They had no intention that they were actually going to usurp anyone’s kingdom. They just came back because that was their extended family.
So Duryodhana, because he already had this mentality of entitlement, envy, enmity. Three N’s happened to him. He had the mentality of entitlement.
I deserve it. There is much unearned privilege that people have. Something which they have not worked to earn, they just got it by birth.
So when they have unearned privilege, then if somebody else seems to be getting something which they have been getting, immediately they become envious. So this whole topic, I am speaking this based on Bhagavad Gita 16.2. The 16th chapter verses 1, 2 and 3, Krishna talks about the divine qualities. And there are the demoniac qualities.
So demoniac qualities are, Krishna says, harsh speech, violence. So dhambo dharpo vimanasya krodha parushyameva ca ajnanam ca vijatasya partha sampadmasurim. So harsh speech is actually violence through the means of speaking.
So when we jump to conclusions about others, at that time we commit violence against them with our speech. And in contrast, when Krishna talks about the divine qualities, 16.1, 2, 3, this means in three verses he says, abhayam sattva-samsuddhir jnana-yoga-vivasthati dhanam dhamasya yajnasya svadhyaya-sthapa-arjavam ahimsa-satyama-krodhas tyaga-shantira-paishunam daya-bhuteshvalo-duptam mardavam reera-chapanam So apaishunam. Apaishunam means aversion to fault-finding.
That a godly person, it’s not that they are blind to the faults of others, but they don’t look forward to the other’s faults. They are not eager to find faults in others. So when we jump to conclusions, often we end up knowingly or unknowingly being too eager to find faults with others.
So this is the first broad possibility because we have certain dispositions. So as soon as we see someone doing a particular thing, we jump to a particular conclusion. And when we jump to conclusions like that, we may judge people, we may alienate people, we may hurt or even ruin our relationships.
And so if you could avoid jumping to conclusions, then we can avoid a lot of emotional energy getting wasted unnecessarily. So as I said, I’ll be talking about these three terms, disposition, association, and situation. So after each part, I’ll pause and we can have some questions, if any of you would like to have.
So now I talked about why we might jump to conclusions. Now what could we do to work on this? How can we avoid this? So this is where it is better to give people the benefit of doubt than to judge. So whenever, because of our disposition, we start thinking, oh, this person must be like this, this person must be like this.
So if we know it’s my disposition to look at people negatively, we become aware of that, and maybe it’s not like this. Now it may be, it may not be. But at least if we give people benefit of doubt.
Now giving people benefit of doubt means what? Means hearing their side of the story, not just presuming that my understanding is the correct understanding. Like any court system, normally if a case is made against someone, then they are allowed to have their say. It’s not that just one person, the complainant makes a complaint and there’s a judgement based on that.
The defendant is also allowed to have a say. So similarly, if we know that we have a disposition towards judging certain people negatively, then we try to give them the benefit of doubt. Let them, give them a chance to hear.
And when that happens, then it becomes relatively easier for us to avoid jumping to conclusions. Once I was in Mumbai, I’m based in Mumbai, so I was in the temple, there was a big festival, and after the festival, a lot of people were asking questions. So I was answering those questions, discussing, and by the time I came for prasad, at that time I saw much of the prasad was over.
So there had been a sweet, one of my favourite sweets, but it was complete, the whole bucket was empty. So I felt a little bad. And I sat down for taking food, and as I was taking food, at that time, there was one senior devotee, who was sitting on the opposite side, and I could see from his plate that he had had that sweet, one helping was, he had finished it.
And he started asking, is there more sweet? Is there more sweet? Now because he was asking one person who was serving, a few people were serving, he was asking various people, is there some sweet, is there some sweet? So now, because he was a senior devotee, everybody was looking around, is it available somewhere? So then I was getting very annoyed. I said, you already had one helping, and still you are asking. And one devotee said, no, it’s over, I’m sorry, no.
He asked another, is there some sweet there? And the devotee also said no. And the third devotee, I was getting really exasperated. And then finally I saw, sometimes when devotees serve prasad, at that time, initially, they make their own plate.
Because in case prasad gets over, they should also have a plate. So one devotee finally brought his own plate, and from his plate he was about to serve sweet to him. I said, this is outrageous, don’t you have any sense of shame? You are taking his sweet.
And just as he brought the plate in front of him, that devotee, that senior devotee, he said, no, I don’t want it. He pointed to me, give it to him. He said, he didn’t get any sweet.
So he pointed to me. So he’s asking all this. So he’s asking that sweet, not for himself, but for me.
And I was judging him. So what happened here is, I was thinking, that last devotee had not brought the plate with the sweet. I would never have come to know why he was asking for the sweet.
So sometimes we may jump to a conclusion that might seem obvious. Yeah, if you’re asking for sweet, it’s for yourself. But the reality might be completely opposite.
That’s why it’s good if we can at least give people the benefit of doubt. The benefit of doubt means, see how things work out, or maybe ask. So this is the first point I wanted to make.
Why we jump to conclusions? Because we have a disposition. We may have a disposition by which we look negatively, not necessarily at everyone, but at some people we already have a negative conception about them. And then everything that we hear or see them doing, we start seeing it negatively.
That’s how we jump to negative conclusions. So any questions or comments about this? No, I said, thank you. I asked that server to have it.
That’s interesting. Any other comments or questions? Or any other? If you have such experiences of jumping to conclusions, which turns out to be false. Yes.
Many of the origins say, oh yes, that person is not good. And all the time, there has been so much opinion, because it’s very much opposite to everything that everybody was assuming. And I’ve seen this.
I’ve seen it in one or two different times in my lifetime. It’s a waste of time, which is a good thing, because you’re actually using our logic to serve the Lord, and you follow the instruction of the Lord. You’re devoting in preaching the word to the people who have no priorities for you.
The people who absolutely need that help. So we’re wasting time, misresponsive about other devotees, that might not even be true like all before. Yes, it’s very sad.
This was something that I saw, and I knew these people personally, to not have any of these characteristics. It’s sad to know that these devotees have not seen it another time. Yes, I think there are two or three things.
It’s very sad when this happens, and I have also seen this happen to many devotees. And there are two or three ways in which we can address this or look at this. At a personal level, it is… When we become devotees, maybe in the devotee community, especially if somebody is a well-known, they get some fame.
And the world is always a place of duality. So where there is happiness, there will be distress. So where there is fame, there will also be infamy.
And when somebody is spoken positively about, sooner or later they will also be spoken negatively about. So it’s just almost every well-known person, they always get… sooner or later get spoken negatively about. Now whether it is because somebody is envious of them, we don’t specifically know about that.
But at one level, this is the nature of the world. Another point is that we all have, by our past life, past karma, certain amount of distress that we need to go through. So now the distresses broadly are of three types.
Adhyatmik, Adhibhautik and Adhidaivik. Those which come from our own body-mind, those which come from people around us, and those which come from the environment. Now if we live mostly in a devotee community, then the distress, the karmic distress meant to come from people will come from devotees.
Because we are living primarily with devotees. So it’s whether that particular devotee has an agenda against us or not. Sometimes it’s like Prabhupada would sometimes say that don’t be angry with the instrument of your own karma.
So I’ll talk about this from three different perspectives. One is from the perspective of the devotee who is going through this, from the perspective of others who hear about something like this, and then from the perspective of the authorities. So from the perspective of the devotee who is going through all this, it’s important that we don’t become resentful.
We don’t become resentful. Because naturally if something bad is spoken about us, even if it is true, it hurts. And if it is not true, it hurts all the more.
So when that happens, we have to recognise that our relationship with Krishna is our responsibility. And certainly we want devotee association, but there are times when we may have, normally we choose to connect with Krishna through his devotees. But there may be times when we may have to turn away from devotee association to turn towards Krishna.
This is not a permanent thing. An example of this is Draupadi. Draupadi had five husbands.
All of them were great devotees. But at that particular time, when she was being dishonoured, none of her husbands could help her. And if she had kept looking at her husbands in expectation, why are you not supporting me? Why are you not protecting me? Or she had become vengeful at them.
How dare? Either expectation or anger and resentment. She would not have done anything constructive. But when she saw for whatever reason they couldn’t help her, that they couldn’t help her, then she turned towards Krishna.
And Krishna did help her. So sometimes it is with devotees we go closer to Krishna. It is because of devotees we go towards Krishna by their inspiration.
But sometimes it may be that because of devotees we go towards Krishna by the frustration that we experience in devotee association. Now Draupadi at that time took shelter of Krishna. But she did not.
Pancharatra Bhagwan ki jai. Jagannath Baldev Subhadra Maiya ki jai. Draupadi Sastra ki jai.
So we need to make sure that our relationship with Krishna goes on. And Draupadi did not hold it against them because it was circumstantial. And later on she did lash out at Yudhishthira.
How could you gamble like this? But she did not hold it permanently against them. So basically we can’t let anything come between us and our journey towards Krishna. Even devotee association that supports us.
This is the implication of sarva-dharman parityajya mam ekam charnam. Sometimes we may even have to give up association to connect with Krishna. Of course this doesn’t mean we reject association, we condemn association.
We need association. But there are some times when Krishna may put us in that situation where association itself has to be, we may not get from the devotee association what we need and still we need to pursue it towards Krishna. It’s exceptional.
The second is from the perspective of devotees, in general if we hear something negative about someone being spoken, it’s best not to repeat that. It’s best if we can avoid hearing it only. But if we can’t, it’s best not to repeat that.
Unfortunately nowadays with social media and internet available, one person can speak one thing about someone and it can spread far and wide. So gossip can spread a lot. So what we can think about here is that if we are devotees, what have we come here for? We’ve come here to come closer to Krishna, to grow in our bhakti.
So even if some devotees have some faults, just talking about those faults is not going to help us grow in our devotion. So if some devotee, we hear something about someone, if we can’t do anything about it, then better not dwell on it. If we know that devotee well then maybe we can help in getting this clarified.
But otherwise we focus on Krishna. And as far as the leaders of the movement are concerned, there has to be a, it’s slowly happening but it takes time, there has to be a proper mechanism for addressing complaints or gossip or something like that. If it’s just one person makes a snap judgement, when you hear this and make a judgement, then it becomes difficult.
So if we have the leadership becoming a little more mature, by which they don’t take snap judgments, there are now many places there are things like ombudsman or some dispute resolution, Ombudsman is a person to whom if somebody has complaints, they can go and… Ombudsman, I didn’t know the pronunciation. Mediator. Mediator, yeah.
So, yeah, in fact, in India, there was an article which had come about how ISKCON was the first religious organisation to actually create a system of mediation and ombudsmanship. And then many other organisations followed after that. So we are moving towards creating systems right now.
That way it’s a new movement and these things need to happen gradually. Okay. What does it mean to give benefit of doubt? The benefit of doubt, it’s a term often used in sports.
That I come from India where cricket is big. It might be in football or baseball or wherever. And where a player is, is a player done the wrong thing or not wrong.
So the umpire or the referee has to judge. But if the decision is not very clear, then the referee may give the benefit of doubt. Okay, you’re not out.
What you did was not wrong. So benefit of doubt means where the information is not clear, whom do we, what is the default decision? If the information is not clear, normally in a legal system, a person is innocent unless they are proven guilty. But sometimes, in some cases, if there is a strong bias against some people, then we hold them guilty unless proven innocent.
So to give benefit of doubt means to consider people innocent unless they are proven guilty. Not just to presume that if they have done something wrong, it must be because of this, this, this. It is possible that people may, generally there is ignorance because of which people may do some things.
And there may be malevolence where people want to hurt us because of which they do things. So now the explanation could be anywhere between ignorance and malevolence. So where ignorance is sufficient, there is no need to ascribe malevolence.
So when the Pandavas came to the kingdom, they didn’t even know that Duryodhana had that mentality of entitlement. And they were just new and whoever offered them attention and affection, they reciprocated. There was no malevolence within them.
But that’s what was presumed. So when we can’t understand something, OK, why is somebody doing something like that? To ascribe a negative motivation for that, that is not giving the benefit of doubt. To, OK, I don’t know why this person is doing like this.
Let me try to find out. Let me not immediately judge the person. That will be giving benefit of doubt.
So I have a, I have come up with a working definition of humility. I have a website called Gita Daily where I write every day a small article on the Gita. So there I wrote one article on this 13.12. Humility means to acknowledge the complexity of reality.
Humility means to acknowledge the complexity of reality. That I might think things are like this, but reality might be much more complex. And that’s why I need to be a little more cautious.
Does it make sense? So that was the first thing. So I’m going to talk about three things. Does anyone remember the three things? How, why we jump to conclusions? Disposition.
What are the acronym? Disposition. Association and situation. Yeah, thank you.
So let’s move to now association. Association means sometimes some people themselves might poison us. And because of that, we might jump to some conclusions.
This happens in the Ramayana. In the Ramayana, there are three co-wives, the queens of Dashrath. It’s Kaikeyi, Kaushalya and Sumitra.
And they are living in relative harmony. But Kaikeyi is the youngest and she is the most beautiful. So although Kaushalya is older, although Kaushalya is much older, but still Kaikeyi is who gets more attention of Dashrath.
But when Kaushalya’s son Ram is about to be enthroned as the king, at that time, Kaikeyi’s mind is poisoned by her maidservant. Does anyone know her maidservant’s name? Okay, her name is Manthara. So Manthara, anyway, I won’t go into the story of so much, but I think you can broadly understand.
So what happens is Manthara is a maidservant and she is a hunchback. So because she is hunchback, sometimes she is disrespected. But because she is the favourite maidservant of the favourite queen of the king, so she gets some sort of getting some respect.
But then when she sees that, oh, actually now her son is not becoming the king. Kaikeyi’s son is not becoming the king. Somebody else is going to become the king.
So then she starts feeling insecure. And because she feels insecure, she starts poisoning the mind of the queen there. First of Kaikeyi and then Kaikeyi, she is the queen.
What she does is she says that you should get the kingdom for your son. And therefore, you should send Ram to the forest for 14 years and claim the throne for yourself, for your son. And now she tells that if you don’t do this, Ram will make your son her slave.
You will become the maidservant of the senior queen. She creates a very dystopian picture of everything. And because of that, Kaikeyi starts thinking that I have to do this.
And she breaks the heart of her husband. She creates an ocean of sorrow that inundates the whole kingdom. And this young Ram has to go to the forest for no reason, for no fault of his.
Along with him his young wife Sita also goes. So basically here Mantra has her own agenda. And to fulfil her agenda, she prejudices Kaikeyi.
So whenever people speak something to us, often people have their own agenda when they speak such things to us. Sometimes, say, we come to a temple and somebody starts speaking very sweetly to us. Smiling nicely, speaking sweetly.
Immediately you start thinking, what does this person want from me? Why are they speaking so sweetly to me? Probably they want something from me. Now, this is just natural human psychology. But here the point is that different people, when they do certain things, if somebody speaks something about someone to us, you know what this person did? You know what this person did like this? Now, sometimes you might just get caught in what that person is saying.
But if we take a step back and think, why is this person speaking like this? Sometimes some people have a bias against someone. And then because of their own agenda, they propagate illusion about others. They propagate misconceptions.
They propagate rumours about others. So when this happens, if you find out that some people constantly speak negative about others, about this person, about that person, about that person, they keep speaking negatively, then it is best to actually keep a distance from such people. Some people, it’s best to take whatever they say with a pinch of salt.
Some people are in a small incident and they make it very big. And some people may not need a pinch of salt. We need a bucket of salt.
Because if we find out habitually, they tend to exaggerate. Now, they may be, they may be sometimes be malevolent. And sometimes when they speak, that’s just the way their habit has become.
They take a small thing and they speak, make a small thing and make it very big. So nowadays, again, as I was answering earlier, with respect to the Internet, such people can get such a huge avenue. They can just go all over.
They can have their own gossip and send it all over the world. So for this. Now, when we find this association like this, even in devotee association, sometimes some people might be there like this.
What happens is that everybody may be a devotee, but not everybody as a devotee at the same level of consciousness. So it’s like if we consider a car. And the driver is lost.
When they find out, where should I go? They find out the path. They get the map or they get the direction. They start going in the right direction.
But suppose they are lost and their car is spoiled. So the car is spoiled means it’s very noisy. It’s very polluting.
It just wobbles too much. And now they are driving that car. Just because they have now found the path to the destination, doesn’t mean their driving has improved.
Earlier they were having a bad car and they were on the wrong path also. They didn’t know where they were. Now they know what is the right path.
But just because they know what is the right path, doesn’t necessarily mean their driving has become good. Their driving may be the same as it was earlier. So similarly, as devotees, we in principle, we come to know about life’s ultimate goal.
Like we are lost in the material world and now we have come to know that Krishna is our goal. But just because we have come to know Krishna is our goal, does not mean that we have actually entirely changed. So some people might have a gossiping, fault finding kind of mentality and that may not go away overnight.
Or that might stay on for a long time. And when that happens, so if somebody might be going in the right direction, but if we know that they’re not very good drivers, then we might decide, OK, I’ll come separately. I don’t want to drive with you.
There are some people, if you drive with them in the car, you have to chant more intensely. Not because their association increases our devotion, but their association increases our fear. They drive so recklessly that we have to chant intensely at that time.
So there was one devotee who told me that when we drive above the speed limit, Krishna leaves the car. When we drive above the speed, Krishna leaves the car. Then we are responsible.
We can’t say whatever happened is happened because of Krishna. So if we understand that somebody might be a devotee, they might be going to temple also. But if they are very risky drivers, then better we’ll go by some other means.
So like that, if some devotees by their very nature, they tend to be like this, they tend to be gossipy, they tend to be spreading rumours, they tend to be getting some perverse joy in telling the world about something. Can you keep a secret? It is said that most people who can’t keep a secret tell others to keep a secret. So I can’t keep a secret.
So I tell you, can you keep a secret? And then they tell some gossip like that. So if we come to know that some devotees are like that, then we don’t have to condemn them, but we have to distance ourselves from them. Distance ourselves means they are also devotees.
They are also in a car that is going to the temple. But their car driving is not that good. So better I will not go with them or I will not go even near their car.
Keep a safe distance from their car. So like that we respect that they are trying to go toward Krishna, but their association may not be favourable for us. That’s why Bhaktivinoda Thakur says we need not just association, but like-minded association.
Like-minded association means association that inspires us, that with which we can connect, association that inspires us to move toward Krishna. So this is the second point. Sometimes you may jump to conclusion because of the bad association, some association might mislead us.
And to avoid that, we need to understand that if some devotees are habitually fault-finding, then better keep a distance from them. Any comments or questions about this? Yes, please. I just want to talk about seeking the association of like-minded devotees.
In spiritual life there appears to be variety. And even amongst advanced good devotees, there may be some that we are of like mind and that there is a certain natural chemistry that we connect with. And there may be others, very good devotees, good association, but somehow the connection, that chemistry isn’t there.
And I think that’s also what Bhaktivinoda Thakur speaks of in terms of like-minded devotees. We find those that there’s just a connection and a chemistry that works really well. And we need to seek their association, but not to in any way say anything disparaging about the others.
Also exalted, but just because Krishna is creating a great variety. And even in the spiritual world, there is variety and so on. Yeah, that’s true.
Beautiful point. Yes. If we share chemistry, then we can gel nicely with those devotees.
Now, broadly, another way I put this is that we all have some definitions of success in bhakti. Ultimately, we all want to develop love for Krishna. But for some devotees, it might be distributing a lot of books.
For some devotees, it might be studying Shastra and going to the depths of Shastra. For some devotees, it might be deity worship. For some devotees, it might be chanting a lot.
And for some devotees, it might be kirtan rasa. Now, all of these are wonderful. And if a devotee loves to study Shastra and go deep into Shastra, then that devotee, if somebody’s goal is, oh, we want to build a big temple for the deities, then that person, the person who is out to build a temple for the deities, they may say, why are you spending so many hours studying scripture? Another person may say that, no, ultimately, yes, even if you build a big temple, they want to study Shastra, they want to relish Shastra, they want to relish Krishna.
So the two of them can also bond if they appreciate each other’s definition of success. But sometimes it may happen that the person gets so caught in their definition of success that they start disparaging other definitions of success. And then that association becomes discouraging for others.
So like-minded association doesn’t mean we both necessarily have the same definition of success. But we share a definition of success. That means one devotee may be focused on book distribution, another might be focused on scripture study.
But both appreciate scripture study, both appreciate book distribution. One appreciation might be more. So if we share a definition of success, and especially if the other definitions of success are not minimised, then that association can inspire us.
Otherwise, some devotees are so caught in their own definition of success that if anybody is doing anything else, those devotees have to justify their existence in Krishna consciousness. Why do you exist as a devotee? What are you doing? So some devotees can become a little more judgemental like that. So the like-minded means if we share a definition of success, then the chemistry works out nicely.
Do you know the word for that? It’s called kuleana. It’s like a commute, and everyone has a specific job. The person in front sets the pace, the person towards the middle has to be really strong, and the person in the back has to steer.
Oh, okay. It’s teamwork. They’re all doing different things, but they’re working towards the same goal.
And because kuleana, like everyone has a difference. Oh, yeah. Kuleana.
That’s excellent. Ultimately, we are also serving Krishna. What an ashram was supposed to be like that.
Different people according to their natures, they work together. Kuleana, is it? Yeah, kuleana. Thank you.
Yes. You were talking about people who are not so devotional. Yeah.
That the person, there’s the conditioned side and the spiritual side. And maybe it’s part of the question because, you know, Srila Prabhupada could say that the worst person in this materialistic world is the, spiritually speaking, is the best person. Do you know what? I don’t know if I’m explaining it well.
Okay. So, you’re saying that the worst devotee is better than the materialistic people. Yes.
The devotee is better than any alcoholic, alcoholic. Okay. Okay.
However, however, just to… That’s true. So in that sense, they are all glorious no matter what level of conditioning they are at. But I’ve come to understand that actually sometimes materialist can behave better than sometimes some aspects of the conditioned side of the devotee.
Yes, that’s a good point. That’s true. Although we say that the worst behaved devotee is better than the best behaved materialist, but still sometimes materialistic people may behave better than devotees.
Yeah. So actually I gave a series of Bhagavatam classes in Chicago last year on Bhakti in the three modes. In the Bhagavatam third canto, in Kapila’s teachings, he talks about all the bhakti is transcendental.
Bhakti can be practised in goodness, in passion and in ignorance. And there he says that bhakti in ignorance leads to a lot of divisiveness, conflict, split, splitting. Bhakti in passion leads to possessiveness, controllership.
Bhakti in goodness leads to knowledge, illumination. And bhakti in transcendence leads to liberation. It’s an overall characteristic.
So you could say that there are two kinds of values. There are ultimate values and there are functional values. So in terms of ultimate values, the devotee has got it right.
The most important thing is Krishna. So serving Krishna, loving, learning to love Krishna, that is the ultimately valuable thing. So values, by values I mean what is actually valuable.
So devotees have got the ultimate values right. But that doesn’t necessarily mean our functional values will be right. That’s why I said like driving a car, getting to the destination is the most important thing.
That devotees have got right. The direction, the map they have got right. But the car refers to the body, mind, machine that we have.
And still that might be problematic. So sometimes functionally speaking, it might be a devotee, might have previously been in the mode of ignorance, in tamoguna. And they are practising bhakti, but still the influence of tamoguna is very strong.
Whereas a non-devotee, even an atheist, might in some aspects be in sattvaguna. One of the greatest ironies of the last century was that the person who was probably responsible for the maximum deaths, Hitler, was a vegetarian. So now, in that aspect, his diet was, you could say, non-violent.
But as a person, he was horrendously violent. So that’s why I said humility means to acknowledge the complexity of reality. So just because somebody is a non-devotee doesn’t make them entirely bad.
They might have some good qualities. Where there are good qualities, we can appreciate them. But we don’t get so caught in their intelligence or in their courteousness or in their whatever, that we get captivated by that.
At the same time, we also, as devotees, if somebody is pursuing the ultimate value, we appreciate that. But if by functioning with them, we find that there’s too much conflict, there’s too much agitation, too much negativity, then we may need to keep a distance from them. It’s that there are two kinds of people.
Some people bring happiness wherever they go. And some people bring happiness whenever they go. So that brings me to the last point.
So what are the first two I talked about? Okay, question? Yes, I remember that. I think there’s a science of self-realisation test there. Prabhupada defended the devotees.
At the same time, Prabhupada empathised with her. Prabhupada did not take a look at devotees negatively. Beautiful.
Thank you. The devotees, they have that one in the beginning, out of whatever zeros they accumulate. Yeah, that’s true.
yasyāsti bhaktir bhagavaty akiñcanaḥ sarve guṇaisatra samāsate surahaḥ harāv abhakta-siddho mahaguner manorathenāsati dhāvato bahi This is an often quoted verse by Sri Prabhupada which says that those who are devoted to the Lord, they have all godly qualities. Whereas those who are non-devoted, what good qualities can they have? Because they are simply existing on the mental platform. So what that means is, morality is often just lack of opportunity.
When people are moral, it’s often because they don’t have the opportunity to gain by being immoral. So at the material level, even materialistic people can be moral. They can have good qualities.
But there is no ultimate foundation for their morality. Functionally, yes, they can be moral. But why should you be moral? There is no foundational, no ultimate basis for that.
Whereas for a devotee, it’s like devotees may have some deficiencies right now, but because they are practising bhakti and bhakti is purifying, all those deficiencies will go away. And devotees will manifest all godly qualities. Of course, there is a qualification there.
Yasyasti bhaktir bhagavaty akinchana. It has to be akinchana, pure devotion. So if pure devotion is there, all godly qualities will manifest.
So we are all on the process of getting purified gradually. So the good qualities will manifest. So means we could, Prabhupada at one level was very strong in defending the glory of devotion and the speciality of devotees.
But at another level, when something could be learned, Prabhupada was open to learning even from non-devotees. Prabhupada says that if gold has fallen in a dirty place, we can take gold from there also. So one of my main services is writing.
So Jayadvait Maharaj has trained me a little bit, quite a bit in writing. So he told me that Prabhupada told him that he had studied writing. So he said that you study, you learn writing, you learn editing and teach it to others.
So he said now to learn it, now at that time we didn’t have any editors in our movement. So he read from non-devotees. And Prabhupada appreciates that.
Whatever is required, if for a particular skill we have to learn from someone, we respect those people for that skill. But we don’t take them as guides for life’s ultimate values. So devotees are exalted because they know life’s ultimate value.
And with them we can proceed towards that ultimately important thing in life. So now I’ll move on to the last point. I was talking about his acronym DAS.
So what are the last S? Situation. Yes. Situation means that sometimes when a particular situation comes in, because of that situation, we presume a particular person is doing like this for this reason.
And like it happened with me earlier also. And I said that I saw a person asking for a sweet. So I felt that they were asking for themselves.
Sometimes the situation might be such that a particular judgement, a particular inference might seem natural for us. But from situation to intention, there is not always one line. In a particular situation, a particular person is acting.
But why are they acting that way? That intention, there can be various reasons why people are doing like that. So in the Ramayana, there is another story of Vali and Sugriva. Both of them were brothers.
But somehow, circumstantially, a whole series of misunderstandings happened. And eventually, Vali became the enemy of Sugriva. He was out to kill Sugriva.
All because he judged without understanding. The situation came such a way in his life, that he thought Sugriva was out there to usurp my kingdom. And as he went after his own brother to kill him.
So now when situations come up, basically, in any situation that is there, say we see a particular action, a particular person doing a particular action. And why are they doing that? We can’t always know that. We might think a person is doing this because that person is uncultured.
But it might not be like that. In the Chaitanya Charitama, there is a beautiful incident, simple incident, that normally when, at that time the culture was that if somebody goes, if some male goes in front of a sanyasi, when they bow down, they take off their upper cloth and then they offer obeisances. Even now in some South Indian temples it’s like that.
So when Chaitanya Mahaprabhu was in Jagannath, in Jagannath Puri, at that time, one of his devotees from Mayapur, Srikanth, he came there. Srikanth said when he came there, at that time he was very disturbed because of something that Nityanand Prabhu had done. And he came in front of Lord Chaitanya and he offered obeisances.
But when he was offering obeisances, he did not take off the upper cloth. So Chaitanya Mahaprabhu’s servant was there, Govinda with him. He was about to point out to him, take off your upper cloth.
Chaitanya Mahaprabhu said, don’t, don’t tell him anything right now. He’s disturbed. So Chaitanya Mahaprabhu recognised the situation.
His rules are to be followed. But if a person is already disturbed, no need to disturb them further by pointing out a fault at that time. So he was, it is not that he did not know the culture.
It was not that he was being disrespectful. It was just that there was so much else going on in his mind at that time that it didn’t click to him. So in certain situations, when certain people act in particular ways, there is no need to infer that they are necessarily bad people.
What happens? Every one of us is actually carrying a lot of burdens. Sometimes people want to gossip. They want to know about people’s background.
What were you doing in the past? And they want to know the background, sometimes in a salacious sense to find out. Oh, you were like this before. I thought you were such a great devotee, but you were doing such things in the past.
But actually to know somebody’s background means to know, to truly know somebody’s background, means to know what is on their back and what is under their ground. To know what is on their back means to understand what kind of burden they are carrying. Everybody has difficulties.
I’ve travelled across the world and I met some people who would be considered very successful. Especially when somebody, when such very successful people meet people who are in the renounced order, then they don’t feel that, they don’t consider us as competitors. They often put their guard down and then they scrape a little bit below the surface.
And almost everybody is working through their own tragedies. Life is difficult. No one has it easy.
No one has it easy. In fact, few things make people as unhappy as the belief that everyone else is happy. Few things make us as unhappy as our belief that everyone else is happy.
Actually everybody is going through difficulties. So if say somebody were walking twisted. Why are you walking? Why can’t you walk straight? Why are you walking twisted like that? But then if we saw they were carrying a huge bag, huge bag around them on their back.
And then, OK, that’s because of this burden we are walking like this. So everybody is carrying a big burden. And because of that burden, sometimes they may speak harshly to us.
They may behave in a particular way to us. Most of people’s actions with us are not necessarily about us. That’s like sometimes we speak something to someone, they yell at us.
I just spoke something so small. Why are you yelling at me like that? Now they’re yelling at us, not because of what we did, but maybe 10 other things happened that day with them, which is all pent up. And then we just happen to be there doing some small thing.
And then all that anger comes out. So when that happens, it’s situational. So what is spoken? This is like a sutra that you keep in mind that sometimes people are in tension.
And when they’re in tension, when they’re in anxiety, when they’re in stress, then they’re under pressure. They might speak certain things. So don’t see intention in what is spoken intention.
When somebody speaks something in tension, when they’re under tension, then don’t see intention in that. They didn’t actually mean that. Sometimes we take people’s words to the heart.
Sometimes somebody speaks very harshly. Now, if at other times they’re just normal, nice people, but at that time they speak so harshly, it’s so difficult to bear it. But don’t take, don’t see intention in that.
It’s not that they’re necessarily cruel. They’re not necessarily, they’re not necessarily angry with us. But it’s just at that time life puts all of us under pressure.
And if somebody catches us on a bad day, we might also come off as very disagreeable. Normally we might be quite pleasant. So sometimes situations are there, no need to judge people negatively.
So if we can take into consideration the situation and not judge people negatively, then we can avoid jumping to the conclusions. So when, I’ll conclude with this point, that how to avoid that? See, basically, whenever somebody does something to us or speaks or does some action, which we see, which hurts us, which annoys us, whatever, it’s not always about us. Everybody has a movie going on in their head.
And in that movie, they are the hero. And everyone else is an extra. Everyone else is an extra.
So you just happen to be there. So just brush it off. So rather than taking things personally, just brush it off.
And what will happen? We will not jump to conclusions. And then we, what could just be a small friction would not lead to a major conflagration. And just end over there.
The spark which is lit, we won’t have to make it into a fire. So give people, so let small things stay small. In this way, we can avoid jumping to conclusions and we can have more cordial relationship with each other.
So I quickly summarise. And if you have any questions, we can discuss. I spoke about how to avoid jumping to conclusions, jumping across, say, long ridges or ditches is dangerous.
But jumping across the ditch from our observation of people’s action to our inference about their motivation, that can be a very dangerous jumping, which can alienate people, which can hurt us also. We may make a lot of offences. So I talked about three broad reasons, three broad factors in which we may jump to conclusions.
What was the acronym? Das. D is? Disposition. Sometimes we have negative conceptions about people and because of those negative conceptions, whenever we see any action, it could be seen positively or negatively.
We see it negatively. And sometimes this is this is what happened with Duryodhan. Because he had an entitlement mentality, he thought that the Pandavas are envious of him.
So I talked about my experience also when I saw somebody asking for sweet. I thought they must be asking it because they are so attached. So give people the benefit of doubt.
It is like in a court, we do not judge based on the complaint alone. We allow the defendant also to speak. So if you give people benefit of doubt and not private judgement, then we can avoid this our disposition leading to us jumping to conclusions.
Humility means to acknowledge the complexity of reality. Not that this action means this motivation will only be there. There can be many other motivations for that.
A was? Association. Some people like to gossip and spread rumours and poison others’ minds. That is what Mantara did to Kaikeyi in the Ramayana.
So if we learn to see that, if we observe that some people repeatedly speak negatively about everyone else or others, then it’s better to keep a distance from them. You can respect them as devotees. They have got the ultimate value right.
It’s like a car is going to the right destination. But the car might still be wobbly or noisy or polluting and better we not drive in the car and better we not meet too close to the car also. So you can respect but keep a distance from those devotees who are fault finders.
And that way our perception of devotees won’t be negatively affected. So devotees, if we can find like minded devotee association, it’s an association where we share some definition of success, then that can inspire and help us move towards Krishna study. And S was? Situation.
Yeah. So I talked about how sometimes people act in particular way towards us. It may not be about us.
It may be about what they have gone through previously. And because of that, they come up in a particular way to us. But again, to understand people’s background is to understand what is on their back and what is under their ground.
What is everybody is working through their own tragedies, no matter how successful and happy they look. The scrap below the surface and everybody is carrying big burdens. So everybody has a movie going on in their head in which they are the heroes and we are extras.
So if we learn not to take what is spoken intention as having some intention, then we can brush it off and we can keep small things small and move on in our journey towards Krishna. Thank you very much. Hare Krishna.
Any other questions or comments? Sometimes it becomes difficult to choose. We’re talking about communication. Yeah.
Someone comes falsely down on us. So there’s two directions you can go. And they’re both there.
One is to defend. And the other is to just in humility say, well, this is Krishna’s teaching me something. And we see so much of this injustice in the example of the Pandavas.
They were thrown off their land. Ramayana, full of injustice. Dhruva Maharaj.
Injustice, did not sit in the lap of his father. Prahlad. There’s so much.
OK, I get your question. So I would say that. So if we are accused falsely of something, then should we just tolerate as Krishna has some plan for it or should we try to defend ourselves? We see so many examples in the Bhagavatam, especially of people just accepting unfair things as Krishna’s mercy.
Yeah. So the Bhagavatam has a particular mood. The Bhagavatam is spoken to a person who is about to die.
And that’s why most of the Bhagavatam’s pastimes focus on transcending the world. This world. Forget it.
Bad things happen over here. Just raise your consciousness towards Krishna. Now Bhakti has two aspects.
One is transcending the world. The other is transforming the world. So if you see the Bhagavad Gita, the Pandavas have been repeatedly offended.
Atrocities have been performed against them. But beyond a particular point, Krishna says enough is enough. Now you have to stand up.
Now you have to fight. So there, although Krishna tells Arjuna, tam sthiksasva bharata, tolerate the dualities of happiness and distress. But that tolerance doesn’t infer to tolerate the Kauravas injustices.
Don’t fight the war. The same Krishna is telling tolerate doesn’t say there is also to fight the war. So what is going on over here? So at that point of the Bhagavad Gita’s being spoken, the Pandavas are in a responsible position where they have the responsibility of establishing Dharma in the world.
And so for Parikshit, he has accepted that, OK, this curse has happened and he has chosen. I’m not going to retaliate against the curse. I’m not going to counter the curse.
So for his position, transcending the world is what is important. But for Arjuna’s position, transforming the world is what is important. So we could say corresponding to this transcending and transforming, bhakti, surrender itself has two aspects.
One is normally what we think of as surrender is dependence on Krishna like Draupadi did. She raises her hands in helpless dependence. Now, the Bhagavad Gita also concludes by telling Arjuna surrender to me.
Sarva dharman parityajya mam ekam karanam vraja. And Arjuna also says that, that’s 18.66. Seven verses later in 18.73, Arjuna says, yes, I surrender to you. Karishye vachanam tava.
I will do your will. But Arjuna’s surrender is not by raising his hands up. Arjuna’s surrender is by picking up his bow in readiness to fight.
So that means surrender can be dependence on Krishna or surrender can be diligence for Krishna. Diligence for Krishna means that if we have a particular service to do, we become resourceful in doing that as well as we can. So about 20, 25 years ago and first time I started giving spiritual classes.
So one senior devotee had given me some guidelines and the 10 guidelines about how to speak in public for Krishna. The last guideline was depend on Krishna. But in bracket, depend on Krishna.
But only after you have prepared your class. After you have prepared your class. If I come, if I come without preparation, see I’m dependent on Krishna.
And that is not dependent. That is irresponsibility. Isn’t it? So there is a time where we serve Krishna through our diligence.
And there is a time when we serve Krishna through our dependence. And both are through service attitude. So then suppose somebody is accused of something.
Then we have to see I have a particular service to Krishna. Is this accusation interfering with my service? If it is not, then our time is limited. People are people of different dispositions.
We don’t have the time to counter any and every accusation that is coming. So, OK, this person speaks it. And many times what happens? Some accusation also comes that people who love gossiping, they want always the latest gossip.
So even if something negative comes up about us, how long will it stay? Only till the next gossip comes up. Something new, some new fresh masala will come up. Some new spicy thing, gossipy tidbit will come up and then this will be forgotten.
So if it is just a few gossipy people speaking to each other, then better not, better neglect it. Because our purpose is not just to counter every rumour that is coming. Our purpose is to serve Krishna.
So we just focus on ourselves. But sometimes if that gossip starts interfering with our service to Krishna, say that gossip spreads to the broad community and where we want to do a service, there it interferes with our service. Then we have two broad options.
One is we contact that person itself and try to clarify. So one first approach in dealing with accusations is neglect. Second is clarify.
That means rather than accusing that person, why are you speaking like this about me? This was the situation and this is what happened, this is what I did. And that person will say, oh, I thought it was like this. No, actually it was like this.
And we discuss, clarify and sometimes people just have a misunderstanding. And if we clarify, then they may also clarify to others or they may stop spreading the gossip. It will end over there.
But sometimes some people are just, just they are, they are completely convinced that they are right. So some people, even if you prove that they are wrong, they just say that. A person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.
So when they are like that, they are completely stuck and they are still aggressively going against us. Then we may have to counter it. Clarify means with them directly, counter is with.
We may make a statement to the concerned devotees who are affected by it. This is what has actually happened. So usually it is best to start with the first, neglect.
And then if neglect doesn’t work, clarify. And if clarify doesn’t work, counter. There is no need to counter any and everything that comes up.
Most things when they are there, they feel like it’s horrible, everything, our, it feels very difficult to tolerate at that time. But if you tolerate it, most rumours and most gossip have a very short lifespan. And people’s memories with respect to this are also very short.
Although that time you think, oh, this is there, but people will forget it. So neglect is the best policy. But we have to see how best our service to Krishna is facilitated.
Sometimes for our service to Krishna, some clarification, some defend. I wouldn’t use the word defending because it has a negative connotation. Use the word clarifying is what is required.
We can do that. Yeah. Clarify means with that person.
Yeah. So I think. Yeah.
Counter means counter means that person not ready to listen. But just we tell other people then we tell other people. Say that means, say, if A is making an accusation against B and A is telling this to C, D, F, G, everyone, then it’s best for B to go to A and clarify.
But if A is not ready to listen, then better go to important people C, D, E and just tell them this is what happened. So it’s. It may not be necessary to speak individually to everyone.
Sometimes it’s a it’s a big thing. You just make official statement or whatever. Or sometimes you speak it to the concerned people and they will tell it to others.
It can also be done. So neglect, clarify or counter. So in countering also you don’t have to necessarily say that that person is wrong.
Listen, this is what has happened. So that’s the three broad approaches which can use. If criticism is criticism, you have a solution at the end.
Beautiful. Then this is constructive criticism. So I’m just wondering if you could just explain a little bit about, you know, fault finding, criticism versus constructive criticism, because that doesn’t exist.
Yeah, that’s true. Definitely. That criticism is criticism unless you have a solution.
So what is the difference between constructive criticism and say fault finding? So all of us, we need to learn how to improve and we don’t even know some of our faults. So it’s only when somebody else gives us some feedback, that’s when we learn how to improve. So constructive criticism in that sense is very helpful.
And I’m an author. I’ve written about 25 books. So I have a group of friends who I send my articles to for reviewing.
And I’m also part of Back to Quarantine magazine. So the editorial team reviews. I find those reviews very helpful.
And most reviews are basically a little appreciative, but a lot of faults. So what happens is that constructive criticism helps us to improve. Now, this is a whole, I have a whole seminar on constructive and destructive criticism.
But I’ll broadly talk about it. See constructive, when is, how do we determine that a criticism is constructive or destructive? Mahabharata says that the merit or demerit of action, whether action is right or wrong, it can be understood by three things. The intent, the content and the consequence.
Intent is why is somebody doing it? Content is what is being done and consequences, what is the result of it? So you could say that constructive criticism is the criticism which has a good intent. Where the purpose is to actually help the other person. Destructive criticism is where the person has envy.
And the person just wants to pull the other person down. It’s like say somebody gives a very good class. And then devotees are appreciating the class very much.
And then somebody says, yeah, he gives good classes. But did you see how much prasad he ate? Yeah, exactly. So we could say so destructive criticism is where the intent itself is not for the other person to improve, but to pull down the other person.
So you could say look at intent. Then we could look at content. What is the person speaking? So in general, whenever criticism is given, if it is given in a frame where it is not that the person is attacked, but something that the person is doing is pointed out.
It’s like when we as an author, I give, as an editor, I give some reviews. So I try to affirm the worth of the author, but then point out some faults in what they have written. So we can respect the person, but point out some faults in what they are doing.
It’s like, say, if our hair is cut, there is practically no pain because there are no nerves. But when we shave the hair, sometimes some skin might get cut. Now, if somebody cuts a nerve, then the pain is much, much more.
So the closer a cut is to the nerve, the greater is the pain. So if criticism cuts very close to the nerve, the pain will be too much. So a criticism can be for a person’s actions.
Criticism should not be for that person. If I tell you, if I tell someone, you are a hopeless writer, well, that is, that is not very good. That is very bad.
I would say that actually it’s good that you attempted to write, but this particular piece is not flowing very logically. The examples are not very persuasive. The language needs work, whatever.
What happens when the attack is personal, then it cuts very close to the nerve. So it’s better that we focus on specific actions rather than on the behaviour itself, rather than on the person itself. So that’s the content.
And third is consequence. Consequence means that we have to see what is the result of the criticism. Sometimes you feel the person has a fault, but if pointing out the fault is, some people are very ultra sensitive.
I was in the Middle East and I was counselling one family. And there the daughter was saying that my parents are never satisfied with me. No matter whatever I do, they’re always dissatisfied.
And then the family said, no, we appreciate it. We value you so much. It is because we value you.
That’s why we want you to improve. But then she was saying that if you speak one harsh word to me, it just spoils my whole day. I can’t function at all.
So then I told her that I was encouraging her not to be so sensitive. Thank you. But then I told her parents also that please don’t speak negatively to her as much as possible.
So it has to be worked out both ways. So sometimes our intention might be good and what we are speaking might also be valid. But if that person is ultra sensitive, that person is, maybe somebody is already in depression.
And then if you speak some criticism, they might just crumble completely. So if the effect is negative, if it is harmful, then better don’t criticise them. Sometimes it might be just that that service which they are doing wrong, better give that service to someone else.
But don’t just criticise them. So we have to see based on intent, content and consequence. Definitely constructive criticism is required to help people grow.
But sometimes we have to see whether what we are doing is helping them grow or not. So that’s how we can differentiate between the two. So.
Yes, please. OK, yeah, that’s a good question. So if we are getting criticised, then how do we not take it personally? Broadly, I would say the three things which we could do first is that if we have some friends who value us, who appreciate us, who affirm us.
So whenever it’s like words are like arrows, they hurt us. It’s like pierces, they pierce our heart. They hurt us.
So at that time we may need to talk with someone who will comfort us, will encourage us. So that negative criticism has come from here. We all need some sense of validation, not in the sense of ego, but in the sense that we all have things we need to work on.
But it’s not that we are hopeless. Sometimes criticism can come in such a way that can make us feel hopeless. So having some people to whom we can turn, even if we have one person like that, and not that they flatter us, but they affirm us, they appreciate us in a realistic way that can help in dealing with that.
Second is that if we can make a habit of counting our blessings and say write down the things that are right in our lives, write down the things that are right with us, not in the egoistic sense against, but write down. OK, this is this is working good in my life. I have this ability.
I was able to do this service. I was able to do this. Not in the egoistic sense, in the sense that Krishna is using even us.
Although we have faults, still Krishna has given us some abilities and Krishna is using in some ways. So if we focus on what is right, if we have previously focused or made a habit of focussing on what is right in our lives and then written it down, then we can read that. OK, this person spoke like this about me, but I have this ability, I have done this service and this is right in my life.
So when something negative comes, we have to look at positive. And third is that if we have some limb of bhakti, something within bhakti which we can take shelter of, which easily connects us with Krishna, ultimately all the activities of bhakti connect us with Krishna, but not all the activities of bhakti connect us with him with equal ease. Sometimes chanting is powerful, but it’s austerity.
Sometimes if our mind is very agitated, the more we try to chant, the more the mind seems to wander only. We can’t focus. So maybe we might find kirtan is, we like kirtan.
Some of us may like to do maybe some dressing or decorating in this. And you read some scripture, don’t just read it in the mind, but read aloud so that we get more involved in it. So if we consider this is the circle of things we like and this is the circle of bhakti.
So we find where there is an intersection between the two. Something which is likeable and something which is devotional both. And to do that will be relatively easier for us.
So if we can do that at that time, that can raise our consciousness above. And then basically then we connect with Krishna and experience some comfort, some strength, some calmness. That is an experiential indication for us that Krishna loves us.
Krishna is always there with us and Krishna’s love for us doesn’t depend on who we are. Krishna’s love for us is not based on who we are. It is based on who he is.
He’s the all loving Lord of everyone. Sometimes we say Krishna is Bhakta Vatsala, the lover of his devotees. That is true.
But Prahlad Maharaj also says in his prayers that my dear Lord, Krupana Vatsala, you are the lover of even, you are the Lord, the protector, the lover of even those who have fallen, those who are miserly, those who are materialistic. So even if whatever that person has spoken to us about us is true, it may not be, it may be, but still Krishna loves us. Krishna’s love for us is not based on who we are.
It is based on who he is. So if we can connect with Krishna through some intense, intensely turning to him through some Limbo Bhakti, which we like, then that can also give us some solace. So basically by turning toward devotees who validate us by counting our blessings and by taking shelter of Krishna through some likeable Limbo Bhakti, we can avoid being unduly hurt by those harsh words of others.