How to deal with people who don’t want to clarify misunderstandings?

Answer Podcast:

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So if somebody can understand about us, and they want to clarify, they are speaking about that to others, but they want to move for reconciliation, clarification, what should we do? There can be various reasons why people might be unwilling for reconciliation.
So one is that maybe they were too much, either because of us or because of someone else. They are just shy now. They think that if I hear you also, I will get influenced.
People may have such perceptions. Because of which they do not want clarification. So, ultimately, we can do only what is in our power.
So any problem that we face, we can try to classify it. Whether it is a direct action problem, or no action problem. Direct action means, something is wrong on my side.
Maybe I don’t keep my promises. I don’t do what I am told. That’s how people speak.
I can change myself to improve things. To improve others’ perceptions of me. That is a direct action problem.
Second is indirect action. Where, ultimately, we don’t have control over others. When another person behaves, we change.
Every person’s heart is like a door. Which can be opened only from inside. We cannot gate crash into anyone’s heart.
So they have to open it. They have to change themselves. But what we can do to influence others’ behaviour is three things.
We can provide knowledge. We can give knowledge, we can provide passivity, and we can say that it is happening. That means, we can provide knowledge.
This is how it happens. This is how it happens. If they are not going to talk with us, we can write a letter, write an email, and send it to them.
This is what actually happens. And then provide passivity. Share the passivity.
Or when you want, you can discuss this way. Or your job. You can go to improve things.
Why passivity? Parents and children are always like that. Parents, they can provide knowledge, this is right, this is wrong. And they can share it.
They can give some passivity. Children may not practice bhakti in the same environment as the parents. So then maybe there is some children’s room, kids’ room, something like that.
Some passivity. And then early settings happen. An example is, even that other person is disagreeable, untrustable.
So we can be kind and gentle. Not that we let them walk over us. Not that we let ourselves be victimized by that.
But just that we are sensitive. And after that, it’s up to them to change. So sometimes the problem is no action problem.
There is nothing we can do about it. If there is a storm outside and we have to go out, we just can’t do anything about it. Because sometimes people’s disposition also becomes stormy.
And that can lead to a problem. After a while, they calm down and then they can resolve. Usually, if we do our part, we have a vertical relationship with Krishna and we have a relative relationship with others.
So if our vertical relationship with Krishna is strong, then we have an inner substance by which we can weather the storms in our horizontal relationships. This can be with devotees, this can be with our family members, with colleagues. This principle applies to everyone.
Now, the ideal situation is where our vertical and horizontal relationships are symbiotic. We have relationships with others who are also trying to remove it from Krishna. Their devotion also inspires our devotion.
So because of our vertical relationship, we can weather the storms in our horizontal relationships. And because of their association, they are also trying to remove it from Krishna. Because of their horizontal relationship, our vertical relationship works like this.
It’s like, as devotees, we are not just relating with that person alone. They are the third partner in our relationship. So, we have B is here, but you could say K. Krishna is here.
So we are not just relating with B, we are relating with Krishna also. So, sometimes, some people are just so unreasonable that it becomes very difficult to deal with them. At that time, we should know that we are dealing with them for Krishna’s sake.
That means, irrespective of whether they respond positively or not, Krishna is appreciating, Krishna is watching, Krishna is appreciating. And we will grow because it will be a proper Krishna relationship. New example for this.
Suppose, a person is working in a store. And we are saying, people are coming to purchase clothes. And sometimes, some customer was speaking.
See, 100 clothes and I tell you not to touch another one. And every time, this is a problem with this cloth, this is a problem with this cloth, this is a problem with this cloth. Now, the sales person says, this person is working over there, over there.
He or she can get fired up. Obviously, bang, suddenly all of a sudden. But, if it’s a store which is owned by this person’s employee, now, his or her salary doesn’t depend on whether that sale is made or not.
His or her salary will be made by owner. And the owner also, an owner is observant. And the owner will note that actually, all this customer was so filthy, you will find him always there.
And although that sale may never work out, the owner will observe, the owner will appreciate and just because the quality is better over there, the owner will appreciate and promote the customers. So, like that, when we are interacting with others, now, Krishna is in our heart. And Krishna is watching.
So, even if that person is doing something unreasonably, for some reason, some people assume that they are doing unreasonably, it’s because they are segregating us. But we try as much. And that doesn’t work.
Then we still try to be courteous, knowing that Krishna is watching. And ultimately, our spiritual advancement doesn’t depend on how those people behave with us. If it’s actually hurting, then somebody is not going to behave properly.
Somebody speaks in a hurting way, acts in a hurting way. But, we would like a Krishna-centered spiritual relationship with everybody. But if others, because of some situation, are not ready for reconciliation, the least we can do is, we can keep our relationship with them Krishna-centered.
Although they may not keep their relationship Krishna-centered. That means, that I am dealing with you because I want to serve Krishna. And so, if we can keep our part in the relationship Krishna-centered, then, we will, at least our behavior will stay proper.
You see, Prabhupada described differently at different situations. Like, he asked, who is a devotee? So, one of the times he was asking, my devotees are perfect gentlemen and ladies. Now, people have said, devotees are one who chants Krishna name constantly, one who always remembers Krishna.
But, in this particular case, we are not a gentleman. We behave in a gentlemanly, or a dignified way, irrespective of how others are behaving. And, over time, their hearts may also change like that.
But, even if that is not happening immediately, still, we will be making spiritual advancement. Thank you very much. So, Prabhupada, thank you.
Thank you. It’s our love for you. Thank you.
Thank you.