​How to respond when our family members get spikes of desires?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
How to deal when our family members get the spikes? Spouse or children or parents or relations? Yeah. See, our spirituality is meant to make us more understanding, not more judgmental. Unfortunately, this is what happens.
Now, when we become spiritual and we start becoming more judgmental towards others, why are you doing this? You should not be doing this. You should not be doing this. And we should always be understanding because when it comes to the battle against desires, today they may be victims of those desires, tomorrow we may become victims.
So, rather than seeing that they are indulging and I am pure, we should know that we are all partners. We are all partners and we are all fighting together. So, when people are going through phases, when our loved ones are going through the spikes of desires, we should not become judgmental and close them off.
You are sinful, you are fallen, you are attached, you are this, you are that. It should never be like this. Rather than seeing that desire is attacking them and we attack them with a high moral ground, then they become completely lonely.
Now, we have to be with them. Now, when people are overcome by desires, especially when it happens for parents, when the children come to the teenage, at that time they go into rebellion. At that time, the parents become very judgmental and the children just close off.
But even at that time, what the parents have to do is, the parents have to still make sure that the children feel loved, children feel cared, children feel valued. The parents need to also express their disapproval of whatever the children are doing. But that disapproval should not be the dominant theme of the relationship.
Now, the dominant theme of the relationship should still be love. That I still love you, I still care for you and yes, what you are doing, this is not the right thing, but still, it’s not that just because you are doing this thing, I reject you. We always have to have a platform of love in the relationship, platform of affection in the relationship and within that, when different people go through different phases, practically how we deal with it, that will vary.
Now, sometimes what happens is, spiritual standards become used as weapons in domestic ego battles. Domestic ego battles means, to my family members, I am better or you are better. And then if I am following a higher spiritual standard, I use that to beat the other person.
No, spiritual standards, our spirituality is meant to make us more understanding, not more judgmental. This does not mean that we just sanction and let anyone do anything. But the point is, we have to be understanding and rather than seeing that the desire is here and they are being beaten by desire, we have to be with them and help them deal with the desire.
Now, how to help them deal with the desire, that specifically will vary according to time, place and circumstance. But the point is that it is affection and love that is the best counter for desire. Now, when people, it is all of us, when we feel, see what happens with any kind of relationship.
Sometimes we differentiate, oh this is spiritual relationship, this is material relationship. And material is not what spiritual is good. But it’s not like that.
Actually, every relationship, it creates some amount of selflessness within us. If I care for someone, then I have to put that person first. And then that means I have to put myself a little bit down.
So, rather sometimes we see the material relationship and spiritual relationships as competitors. That is enough to develop a spiritual relationship, I have to give up material relationship. Now, in some cases that may be true.
But in general, we see that material relationships and our spiritual relationships, they are all landmarks in the journey towards selflessness. That means, just as I want to become selfless in my relationship with Krishna, similarly, whatever relationship I have in this world, they also help me to become selfless. So, they also help me if I am concerned about my family members, if I am concerned about my loved ones, then that also makes me responsible.
That also makes me a little bit selfless. So, in that sense, we grow through all relationships. So, if somebody is being dragged down by a lower desire, if there is an affectionate relationship, then that affectionate relationship helps them come out of the spell of that desire.
That desire is selfish. But every relationship can help us grow in selflessness. And then if we have a strong relationship, then that person also gets the impetus to fight off that selfish desire and grow in selflessness.
So, basically, we need to, when others are going through spikes of desire, we need to not be judgmental and look down at them, but rather we have to be understanding and be with them and helping them fight with their desire.