I have joined as a brahmachari but am opposed and troubled by my relatives. How should I stay strong?

From Chandan Kumar

i am a practicing devotee joined pdc batch. as i told about the one year course at home they are not in favour of that.currently by receiving many calls from the home and hearing crying and words against the practice of devotional sevice i am getting disturbed too much with in. please guide me so that i could practice with strength.

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Hare Krishna. Question from Chandan Kumar Prabhu. I am a practicing devotee who has joined the Brahmacharya Ashram.
I am told at home that I will be doing a one year course. And they are not in favor of that. Currently I am receiving many calls from the home and hearing crying and words against the practice of devotion service.
I am getting too much disturbed by that. Please guide me so that I can practice with strength. Answer.
Practicing devotion service in the renounced order is a difficult calling for which one has to have a strong and determined heart. In general, for most people, there are vertical relationships and horizontal relationships. The vertical relationship is with Krishna and the horizontal relationships are with others in the world.
So the ideal situation is the horizontal relationships nourish our vertical relationship. Vertical relationship nourishes the horizontal relationship. And that is the way most people practice devotion service.
But those who want to focus on the practice of serious devotional service may at times choose to devote themselves entirely to the vertical relationship alone. And not on the horizontal relationships. So this is Paradharma.
A Paradharma is taking care of our horizontal relationship. A Paradharma is taking care of our vertical relationships. So for most people, Grahastha Ashram is where they harmonize Paradharma and Paradharma.
Brahmacharya Ashram and Hanyasa Ashram are where we focus primarily on the Paradharma. So now we are not meant to be hard-hearted. But we are meant to be clear-headed.
When we make particular choices like choosing the renounced order in our life. Clear-headed means that we recognize that ultimately we are equals to. Or as the Bhagavatam says, we are all alone.
We come alone to this world. We journey in this world with different groups of people at different times. And at the end, when we depart again, we are alone.
So the relationships that we have in this world, they are temporary. And that doesn’t mean that our relatives don’t love us or we don’t love our relatives. But love can be a sentiment that can blind us to reality also.
So we have to have a strong philosophical routine to understand that actually these horizontal relationships are not the ultimate reality or purpose of my life. And I have had these relationships in different species, in different ways. But now is the opportunity for me to focus on the vertical relationship and achieve that which has not been achieved for many, many lifetimes.
So this clear-headedness is very important. And then with this clear-headedness, we have to study the philosophy regularly also to be able to stay rooted in this philosophical understanding. And of course, along with that, it’s not that we can get rid of horizontal relationships entirely.
We need horizontal relationships and we get those in the devotee circle where that is much more favorable and nourishing for our spiritual advancement. So if we have devotees with whom we can share our heart and from whom we can get encouragement, then we can get the emotional strength that we need to, as we say, cut the bonds that bind us to material existence. So normally we have to give up the bad for going towards God.
We give up sinful activities, we follow the regular principles. But as a more intense and intimate form of surrender, we give up even the good of this world. So our relationship with our family members is not bad, it is good.
But the greater surrender is not just to give up the bad, but to give up even the good for the sake of God. So now this is the philosophical understanding and the emotional support. So we will need both.
We have to be rooted properly in the philosophy. And then we have to have some devotees who are close to us, who inspire us and who guide us with whom we will get that emotional support. Then now coming to practical realities.
We don’t want to run away from our responsibilities. So if there are some pressing obligations at home, it is best that those who want to join complete those obligations. For example, if parents have a loan or if a sister’s marriage is impending, then it is better to wait for some time, complete those responsibilities.
And it’s even better if one can earn some reasonable amount so as to provide some financial security for the parents. Beyond that, if we have rationally and calmly analysed, then we will find that if we get taken care of the basic of those important needs of the parents, then we shouldn’t let sentimentality distract us from our spirituality. Ultimately, we cannot satisfy anyone.
Only Krishna can satisfy us and Krishna can satisfy others. So our parents and relatives may want our physical presence and our emotional support. And they may feel that that will solve their problems and that may alleviate things a little bit.
But ultimately, it is only Krishna who can help anyone. So if there are some genuine emergencies, genuine necessities, then it’s best that we address them before we join the Brahmacharya Ashram itself. But after we have joined, we have taken the decision to join, then we should be able to distinguish between what is the actual need and what is more of a sentimental need.
And then it’s not that we have to deny all sentiments, but we don’t have to let sentiments rule our life also. So at such situations, we may have to steal our heart so that we can move forward in our spiritual life. And over a period of time, if we are engaged constructively in service, and our parents see that we are properly engaged and we are doing something valuable for society, then the parents also become favourable.
In fact, most Brahmacharya’s parents, they all get a shock when initially their children, their sons become Brahmacharyas. But over a period of time, whatever stereotype, negative notions of Brahmacharya Ashram they have had earlier, they get cleansed when they actually see how the son is living. And then they also not only become favourable, many of them become devotees themselves.
So Krishna described in 18.37 in the Bhagavad Gita that that which tastes like poison in the beginning will taste like nectar in the end. So there is no way to reach the nectar without going through the poison. So right now, we may be going through the poison phase and we will have to tolerate that.
And by tolerating that poison phase, we will eventually come to the nectar phase. And actually, this poison phase may be more extreme for devotees who are in the Brahmacharya Ashram. But to some extent, even those who are in Grahastha Ashram have to face it.
Even their practice of Krishna Consciousness. Even in Grahastha Ashram, some people may, some of their relatives, some of their friends may oppose that, disapprove it, criticize it. And they will also have those problems, maybe not at the same intensity of level, but the same principle will be there.
So everybody has to face these problems. And by being clear headed, by philosophical understanding, by getting emotional nourishment through some devotees with whom we have good relationships, by ensuring that we do take care of their whatever are the genuine necessities and by not letting sentimentality overrule our spirituality, we can steadily move forward. Generally, it is good to do activities that give us special strength.
So we can take inventory and find out which are the activities within devotional life that give us special strength. Maybe taking darshan of the deities or singing some Hare Krishna Mahamantra or reading some specific passages from the Bhagavatam, like say the Chitra Ketu Maharaj pastime, which focuses on the primacy of the vertical relationship and the ultimate futility of the horizontal relationships. So these, we can find out which activities give us strength and do them a little bit more during these troubling times so that we have the inner strength to navigate them.
And through those activities, we get the spiritual inspiration and we can, with that spiritual inspiration, pray more intensely to Krishna to give us the guidance for navigating through this phase. Now, we shouldn’t let our mind become dominated by anything other than Krishna. So if our thoughts are going too much towards our relatives, then we can spiritualize those thoughts by connecting them with Krishna.
Instead of thinking of their needs and their calls as something which is merely taking us away from Krishna, we can remember that Krishna is present even in their hearts and we can pray to Krishna to give them understanding and to let them have acceptance for our choices. So that way, even when our mind goes in negative thoughts, we can try to spiritualize those negative thoughts. Now, our focus is not on renunciation, but on devotion.
And even when we are accepting renunciation, whether the negative side, we shouldn’t be hateful or harsh towards our relatives. But at the same time, we don’t have to be sentimental. We can try to connect them also with Krishna through our prayers and spiritualize our thoughts about them in that way.
And that way, whenever those thoughts come, when we pray for them, one of the greatest agonies for us when we become Brahmacharis is that we feel that we are not doing anything for them, for those who have done a lot for us in the past. So we have some understanding of the philosophy of Krishna Consciousness and we have some understanding of what all miracles Krishna can do. So if we are sincerely praying for them, then it is not that we are not doing anything.
We are doing something significant. Even if they don’t understand it, Krishna understands it and we also will understand it. So we can spiritualize our thoughts and pacify our agitated hearts by praying for those and expressing our concern for them in that way.
And that way bring our thoughts to focus on Krishna wherein we will get strength by meditating and contemplating on Krishna. Thank you. Hare Krishna.