If a senior brahmachari changes his ashrama, how should we understand that situation and deal with that devotee?

Transcript

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Hare Krishna. Question.
If a senior brahmachari changes his ashram, how should we respond to that situation and deal with that devotee? Answer. In all situations in our spiritual life, our response should be based on the fundamental principle of surrender, that is, Anukulyastha Sankalpa Prathikulyastha Varjunam. That is, accept that which is favorable and reject that which is unfavorable.
So if some senior brahmachari has been a source of inspiration, guidance for us, and if that devotee changes the ashram, then we may have certain emotions that may just surface naturally, strongly. You know, we may feel disappointed with that devotee. We may feel even shocked.
We may feel confused and doubtful about the process itself. Why is this happening to someone? Does the process work or not work? And then we may also become sometimes suspicious of that devotee. OK, maybe this dude is doing something wrong because of which this is or something wrong happening behind the screens because of which this has happened.
And then we may try to search out for rumors and become a part of gossip. And it can lead to a whole range of negativity, which irrespective of how it affects others, will definitely affect us negatively in our own spiritual life. So our primary focus should be on a response that is favorable to our devotional life and as much as possible favorable to others’ devotional life also.
So if some devotee has decided to change the ashram, first and foremost, if a brahmachari is changing the ashram, that is not a fall down. You know, there are four ashrams, brahmachari, grahastha, vanaprastha and sannyas. And a sannyasi giving up the ashram and becoming a grahastha is considered to be a fall.
But a brahmachari going to grahastha ashram is not considered exactly to be a fall because brahmacharis, they naturally go from brahmachari ashram to grahastha ashram. So, of course, if a brahmachari has been a brahmachari for a long time and was expected by others to continue as a brahmachari lifelong and then that devotee changes the ashram, then it may not seem like a brahmachari going into the next ashram, grahastha ashram, but a person who is a potential candidate for sannyas then becoming a brahmachari, grahastha. So that may seem like a fall, but technically speaking, it’s not a fall.
That is the first more important thing. So we don’t have to treat that devotee as if the devotee is a criminal. Actually, no devotee, even if a sannyasi has a fall and decides to become a grahastha, that’s not, it’s not criminal.
I have known some devotees who change their ashram and if the community was not mature, then sometimes they are treated like worse than untouchables and look down upon wherever they go. People start whispering around them. And this can be very, very, very discouraging.
And we may be committing violence against the devotee because we may drive the devotee away from Krishna because of the embarrassment that dogs him wherever he goes. At one time, Srila Prabhupada, for all things, we can also look at Srila Prabhupada’s example. Srila Prabhupada found when one devotee had, he was a sannyasi and had difficulties with the sannyas, and he actually returned, he said amit to Prabhupada and along with that in parcel he sent the sannyas danda saying that, you know, I have, I have renounced my renunciation.
I can’t continue. So then Srila Prabhupada’s secretary got that letter and saw that parcel and he started telling news to everyone. This has happened.
This has happened. This has happened. And then Prabhupada was actually more angry with the devotee who spread this news than with the devotee who had this problem.
Why? Because Prabhupada told that, you know, you have made it almost impossible for that devotee to come back in the community of devotees. So we have to recognize that we are not brahmacharis, grahasthas, vanapasthas, sannyasis. Chaitanya Mahaprabhu very clearly said, नाहं विप्प्रोणचिद्नर्पतिर् वनस्थोयतिर्वा So, नाहं विप्प्रोणचिद्नर्पतिर् नाहं वैशो नापिष्यद्रो नाहं वरणी नग्रहपतिर् वनस्थोयतिर्वा किन्तु प्रोध्यन्निखिल परमाणन्द पूर्णाम्रताब्दे गोपी भर्तोर् पदकमलयोर् दास दासाम दास We are all… He is rejecting the identification with all the ashrams and all the varanas and is saying that actually I am simply the servant of the servant of the lord of the gopis.
So we are essentially servants. And brahmacharya ashram is one facility for serving Krishna. It is a renounced order basically.
Brahmacharya ashram is sannyas ashram. And grahasth ashram is another facility for serving Krishna. But essentially we are servants.
And if we identify a person more as a brahmacharya than as a Vaishnava then we will feel unduly shaken when that person is no longer a brahmacharya. But if we identify people primarily as Vaishnavas and secondarily as brahmacharyas, grahasthas or whatever then we see them properly. Then okay this person was serving in this way and now serving in another way.
There have to be some changes in the sense that according to the ashram, brahmacharyas are treated in a different way. According to ashram, grahasthas may be treated in a different way. So if a brahmacharya changes to a grahastha then naturally there will be a change in the dealings.
But that does not mean that the devotee has to be neglected, rejected, humiliated, gossiped about. No, that’s not required. So the authorities may give us, the senior devotees may give some explanation about why this has happened.
And if there is something for us to learn philosophically about what we should do or what we should not do in our spiritual life then we can learn that. But beyond that, gossip, there is not much to learn through gossip. Even if some facts are there, even if somebody assumes that there are solid facts behind the whole thing, learning those facts, is it going to lead to our spiritual advancement? In one sense we could say that brahmacharya succumbed to temptation and so now has become a grahastha.
But then if we are gossiping about that devotee or we are participating in gossip about that devotee then what are we doing? We are also coming into a temptation. Now we may say that this temptation is not as grave as that temptation. That’s true.
But still it’s a temptation. In principle, by gossiping about devotees we are not going closer to Krishna. So first and foremost is that we need to see the brahmacharis first as Vaishnavas, as devotees and not as brahmacharis.
And then we will not be so disturbed. They are serving in one way and they are serving in another way. Sometimes the materialistic society and its values get reflected in a perverted way within devotee society.
Just as in materialist society, sex symbols are unduly glamorized. Those people who have, as they use in materialist society, sex appeal, they are disproportionately glamorized and then once those people, their bodies become old or for whatever reason they lose their sex appeal and those people who were exalted at one time in a materialistic sensual glamorizing sense, they are practically trashed. Rude jokes are made, they are neglected and they are ridiculed and they are treated in a very dehumanizing way.
So in a perverse sense, what happens to those who indulge in sex in a exhibitionist way in materialistic society that can happen in a perverse way with those who renounce sex. So the renounced order can get unduly glamorized. And when, especially now, I’m not talking only about the devotee community, sometimes we as brahmacharis may also succumb to this temptation.
You know, we may put on airs and we may pretend to be more advanced than what we actually are and we may take pride in our renunciation in an un-Vaishna way. So I have a, I keep a meditation sutra for myself on this. You know, if I tell myself that if I make my renunciation my claim to fame, then it will become my lane to shame.
If I make my renunciation my claim to fame, if I think that I am famous and great because I am renounced, then it may well become my lane to shame. So it is from both from the renunciate side and from the community side. We should not focus unduly on renunciation.
Renunciation is just one facility by which service can be performed. So there is, so what if we, if renunciation is unduly glamorized, then it has several undesirable consequences. Not only for that particular devotee, that devotee may become proud.
Others may have an unrealistic expectation about that devotee. And then that devotee, if he has some difficulties in the ashram, may get unduly humiliated. And not only that, other devotees who may also be advanced, but may not be in the renounced order, they are not valued for their advancement, for their contributions.
Once we learn to avoid this sort of inordinary glamorization, inordinary glamorization means not that there is a particular etiquette. So renounced order devotees are respected, but there is no need to glamorize them in terms of putting a hello of a pure devotee or imagining things either negatively or even positively about them. They are what they are.
They are souls. They are sadhakas also. They are also having their temptations and struggles, but they have chosen a path for serving Krishna.
And even if they change their ashram, their services remain to them. They have done service to Krishna and they can continue to do service to Krishna even if they go to some other ashram. So, in fact, our attitude should be, OK, if this devotee has done service for Krishna for so many years, now the devotee is doing service in another way.
Now, if we have been very close to that devotee, this is all the time talking from a distance. If we know some devotee that has happened like this, if we are close to that devotee, then it may take us some time to accept that decision of that devotee to change the ashram. But after we get through that initial shock sort of phase, then we can try to become an assistant in helping the devotee make a smooth transition.
And once the transition is made, these devotees can become integral parts of the devotee community in another ashram and render valuable service. So, our attitude to summarize should be, anu kullesa sankalvapati kullesa varjanam. So, what is favorable for us and for others, we should accept.
What is unfavorable, we should reject. So, avoid gossip, avoid undue glamorization and accept the pinpoint that everybody is a servant. And whatever service one has done, that is to the one’s eternal credit.
And even now that person can do service. And if we can help the devotee do service, if we can be of service to that devotee in some way, we can help. But now, apart from that, what about our own faith? It may happen that we may think that is the process of Krishna consciousness not working? That somebody who has practiced in the ground floor, that person is feeling the need for worldly pleasures now.
So, is it that spiritual life can’t bring satisfaction? No, that is not the case. Different people have different levels of conditionings. Different people go through different circumstances.
And if the person is continuing the process of Krishna consciousness, then that itself indicates that the person has faith in the potency of Krishna consciousness. You know, if somebody has been in the renounced order for a significant amount of time and has to some extent received the prestige that comes in the renounced order and then after that decides to change the ashram, then if that had been because of lack of faith in the process of Krishna consciousness, that person’s faith I’m talking about, then that person would have left the whole process of Krishna consciousness only. Because even if devotees are provided some education, still there are many devotees who do gossiping, who spread rumors and who, as I said, look down and whisper and do all sorts of things about why this happened.
Maybe this person had some issues, some affairs, some scandal, all sorts of things people talk about. So, rather than face this mortification, I have known several devotees who have gone through the situation and it has been especially where the devotee community is not spiritually guided about how to respond, then those devotees find it very difficult to even stay for a short time in that community. And they need to, they want to practice devotional service, but the community where they have been serving, that community almost rejects them and they have to go to some other place and start practicing devotional service.
But often they don’t leave devotional service. So, the very fact that they are ready to endure the loss of faith that inevitably comes within the devotee community when one decides to change the ashram. So, they are enduring that loss of faith and are still continuing on in their practice of Krishna consciousness indicates that they still have faith in the potency of Krishna consciousness.
The only thing is they have felt that brahmacharya ashram is not uncool for their practice of bhakti and that’s why they are choosing another ashram. So, if they themselves who are going through this whole mortifying situation are not losing their faith in the process of Krishna consciousness, why should we lose faith, our faith, in the potency of the process of Krishna consciousness? So, Krishna consciousness is so encompassing that if someone can practice in this ashram, one can practice in that ashram. So, we don’t have to lose our faith.
We just have to recognize that the potency of Krishna consciousness is always there, but different people may have to avail of that potency through different situations, that means different ashrams. And is it necessarily something that has to discourage us? You know, if something is discouraging us, it’s disturbing us too much, then we can talk with some senior devotees who know the situation and try to get a deeper understanding of what has happened and to see it not in a sense of trying to extract some details that no one knows about so that we can tell it to others, but in the sense of understanding the whole perspective philosophically, whole situation philosophically and learning some lessons from that. So, in this way, we can avoid unnecessary disturbance of the mind also.
So, this is Srila Prabhupada who asked this question. Srila Prabhupada even talked about people leaving Krishna consciousness. And Krishna also said this, that very few people endeavor in the spiritual path and even fewer people attain success in the spiritual path in terms of knowing Krishna.
So, that’s why it’s not something which is shocking, which is entirely unexpected. If we are thinking it to be shocking and unexpected, that means we have not understood the reality of the material world, the reality of the material world, even for devotees is that there are the force of conditionings and they can make one make one feel the need to change one’s ashram at certain times. So, Srila Prabhupada said, don’t be surprised at who leaves, be surprised at who stays.
So, in general, when we take inspiration, if we take inspiration from a devotee in a separated sense, in a prathak drisha as the Bhagavad Gita, prathak drisha means separated vision, that means we think of that devotee without the devotee’s connection with Krishna. If that devotee becomes an independent source of inspiration for Krishna, for independent source of inspiration in our Krishna consciousness, independent means independent from Krishna, then if the devotee becomes that kind of independent source and when that devotee doesn’t play that role, then we may feel there’s no inspiration available for me. But if we see that actually it is Krishna who is inspiring us through different devotees and Krishna is inspiring us through this devotee, Krishna can inspire us through other devotees also and Krishna is eternally there waiting for us and helping us to return back to him and it is that same Krishna who connected us with this devotee through whatever arrangement might have been there and that Krishna inspired us through this devotee and Krishna will guide us to other devotees who will inspire us and as we advance, Krishna will inspire us from within, Krishna will inspire us through the examples of the previous acharyas.
So, if we have this holistic vision where we are Krishna conscious while being conscious of devotees, that means our attraction to Krishna’s devotees is not separate from our attraction to Krishna, we understand that this devotee is inspiring because it is Krishna’s love, Krishna’s wisdom, Krishna’s potency that is manifesting through this devotee and that Krishna can manifest his love, wisdom, potency through other devotees also. If I am sincere and serious about serving Krishna, Krishna will provide me inspiration from different sources. So, if we focus in this way our eyes on Krishna, then we will be able to continue on undisturbed and we will be able to find inspiration from other sources, from other devotees and march on in our spiritual life.
So, this is how we can deal with that situation in terms of overall understanding it in the philosophical and practical terms and also in terms of dealing with that devotee in an appropriate way. Thank you. Hare Krishna.