If I am facing problems with my counselor’s behavior towards me, should i tell him directly or to some other senior devotee?

From Aravind

Transcript

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Question from Arvind Prabhu. What should I do if I’m facing problems with my counsellor’s behaviour towards me? Should I tell him directly or to some other single devotee? Answer, it depends on time, place, circumstance. If you have a close relationship with the counsellor and you can tell him directly, you can say specifically that this is circumstance, I find that this kind of thing where it disturbs me, it finds too demanding or whatever the point and see if things can be adjusted.
If you don’t have that kind of relationship then you may have to tell to some other senior devotee but we don’t have, if we are finding some aspects difficult, we also have to be introspective to see whether it is our own conditioning that is causing the problem and of course, just because it is conditioning, it doesn’t mean that we don’t expect the counsellor to, if the counsellor is doing something wrong to not change because if we have conditioning, we will not be able to wish away the conditioning immediately. So, it all depends on what kind of problem we have in the counsellor’s behaviour but fundamental point to remember is that that whatever is favourable for our devotional service, we accept, whatever is unfavourable, we decide. So, if we find that the counsellor’s behaviour is disturbing us, it is not encouraging us in our devotional service, then the relationship with counsellor and disciple is not like the relationship between guru and disciple.
So, the counsellee has a right to change the counsellor also if it is required and choose a counsellor who is more compassionate. Of course, this will not be something that is to be done as a first resort. We should try to resolve issues as much as possible and overall, we have to recognise that the counsellor is a philosopher-friend guy and to the extent that the counsellor-counsellor relationship is helping me in my devotional life, to that extent, I accept it.
If I find it too difficult, then I may have to change the counsellor or request the counsellor to change the behaviour or ask some senior devotee to tell the counsellor to change and of course, all this is assuming that what the counsellor is asking for is unreasonable. In some cases, what the counsellor will be asking for is reasonable and we may be reluctant to change and in such situations, we have to recognise that if you want to make spiritual advancement, some amount of struggle and change is essential and we should be willing to do that change. That is how we will be able to make spiritual advancement.
So, this is a very specific question and it is best to consult, to decide based on our individual situation after careful consideration and possibly consultation with somebody else who also knows the situation.