If I can’t maintain bhakti standards amid family obligations what can I do?
I can’t maintain bhakti standards amid family obligations—what can I do?
If we are unable to steadily follow the standards of bhakti—such as chanting or reading—due to significant family obligations, we may feel disheartened. We want to serve Krishna earnestly and understand that He is the ultimate purpose of life, but we may struggle to regulate our lifestyle and standardize our devotional practices. What can we do in such a situation?
I’d like to address this by looking at three perspectives:
- How we see Krishna
- How we see ourselves
- How we see our situation
Let’s start with how we see Krishna.
Krishna is not a demanding God—He is an understanding and compassionate God. He knows both the external situations we are in and the internal conditionings we struggle with. His accommodating nature is evident throughout the Bhagavad-gita, especially in verses 12.8–12, where He offers a progression of devotional options based on the capacity of the practitioner.
So, we shouldn’t live in fear or guilt, thinking Krishna is displeased with us. Whatever we do in bhakti, Krishna appreciates it. Yes, He would love for us to do more, but our relationship with Him is not merely about meeting standards—it is about expressing our love. And love is expressed differently depending on the circumstances.
Krishna is not like an unreasonable boss who demands overtime during a family crisis. He is not concerned only with our spiritual practices; He cares about us—which includes every aspect of our lives. Even our difficulties, responsibilities, and obligations are within His compassionate awareness.
We may see our current situation as a test of faith—but it is also an opportunity to deepen our understanding of devotional service. Consider Srila Prabhupada’s example: in Vrindavan, he could engage directly in chanting, writing, and visiting temples. But when he went to America, especially in the early days, he had to focus heavily on logistics. His direct devotional practices reduced, but he was still serving Krishna—and in a way that introduced bhakti to countless souls.
So, ask yourself: Can my family responsibilities also be a way to serve Krishna? Can I create a positive impression of Krishna consciousness among my family and social circle? The exact form this takes will vary based on time, place, and circumstance.
Now let’s look at how we see ourselves.
Each of us has different tendencies—some of us are too hard on ourselves, others too soft. Often, we may be both: strict in some areas, lenient in others.
In Bhagavad-gita 6.5, Krishna says, “Uddhared ātmanātmānaṁ”—we must elevate ourselves with our own efforts. Even Krishna cannot help us if we are not willing to help ourselves.
So, we need a balanced relationship with ourselves. We shouldn’t constantly criticize or condemn ourselves, nor should we indulge ourselves unreasonably. Think of your body-mind as a car. Even if the car is old or dented, you take good care of it—because it’s the only vehicle you have.
Ask: Is my inability to follow bhakti standards due to external obligations, or am I being too lenient with myself? Being too harsh can also be counterproductive. Loving Krishna includes loving His parts—and one such part is ourselves. Encouragement and self-care are essential. Push yourself, but don’t crush yourself.
Now let’s consider how we view our situation.
Here are three practical tips:
- Make a realistic plan based on your current life situation. Don’t aim for perfection; aim for sincerity and sustainability.
- Have a flexible range of standards:
- Aspirational: What you can do on an ideal day.
- Non-negotiable: The minimum you can do daily (e.g., a few sincere minutes of japa or a short reading).
Bhakti is not digital—it’s not all or nothing. If you can’t chant in the morning, chant later. If daily reading is hard, read once or twice a week for a longer time.
- Seek feedback and support. Talk to a trusted devotee friend—someone who understands your situation and values bhakti. A fresh pair of eyes can help you spot patterns, make time-saving changes, and stay encouraged.
In summary:
Don’t lose heart. Bhakti is not about rigid performance—it’s about loving connection. If you sincerely do whatever you can, Krishna will be pleased. And gradually, He will empower you to do more.
Thank you.