If parents have been brought up in India and their children in the US how can they harmonize their differing cultural expectations?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So, I will say that parents are born and brought up in India, kids are born and brought up here. So because of that, there is a different set of expectations.
And the parents are practicing bhakti and they expect the children to, but the children don’t want to practice or children have different ideas. So, what to do in such a situation? See, there are basically, there are, to influence anyone else, there are only three things which we can do for them. We can give knowledge, we can provide facilities, we can set an example.
Ultimately, everybody is a free individual. We cannot force anyone to do anything. But these are three ways, very powerful ways in which we can influence others.
First is provide knowledge. As you know, this action has this consequence, this action has this consequence. We often provide knowledge in terms of academic education, but this knowledge of moral and spiritual knowledge about actions and consequences, that is one thing which we can do.
Second is, we can provide facilities. Facilities means, you know, we can’t, we can’t expect, you know, our children to be reincarnations of Prahlad Maharaj. So, you know, before we can expect anything like that, you know, we have to ask, you know, are we devotees of that caliber ourselves? So, we shouldn’t have unrealistic expectations.
Children will basically be children and each children, they will be influenced by their culture, by their generation, but within their own way, we can provide facilities for them to practice bhakti. That means, we can’t expect, say, children to come and hear classes for adults. So, we may have some children’s school for them, we may have some kids’ program, dramas, music.
Many children, I found, they like children’s. So, we have to facilitate them in their bhakti. So, if they get a like-minded association, like-minded, not exact, their age group, then they can comfortably practice over there.
So, it’s important for when a community is growing to create facilities customized for children. So, there are many communities where devotees may even do either homeschooling or start a school for devotees. They’re big projects, but basically, we have to provide facilities for them.
We can’t expect them to fit into the existing structure. They’re different from us. So, often, if we see whatever talents they have and see how those talents can be connected in bhakti, their musical talent, their acting talent, their speaking talent, whatever it is, we try to channel them, channel that in bhakti.
So, provide facilities. And even their programs have separate programs for children. So, basically, the facilities are meant to help children actively participate in bhakti.
They see bhakti not just as a set of rituals, oh, I wake up in the morning, I bow to the deities, I do this chanting, but they see it as a variety filled joyful activities. That’s how they can get connected, provide facilities. And third is set an example.
So, if we ourselves are practicing bhakti, and that itself sets a very powerful example. Now, often, much of the principles that develop character, they are more caught than taught. Taught means you tell them, do this, don’t do this.
Caught means they’re seen in action and people catch them. So, in general, if we are practicing bhakti diligently, then they will see that. Now, when we are practicing bhakti diligently doesn’t mean we shouldn’t think that our bhakti practices rationalize or neglecting our children.
Now, if we are devotees, then we see our children also as gifts of Krishna, and we take due care of them. So, if we are setting a good example of as devotees, good example as parents. Now, good again doesn’t mean we have to be perfect, but we just do the best that we can.
Then, if you’re doing these three things, over a period of time, they will find their way to Krishna. So, what we can do is, by these three things, we are opening a door towards Krishna for them. Now, it is for them to walk through that door.
Now, of course, in their early childhood, you can tell them, do this, don’t do this. But over a period of time, we also need to help them to get attracted. Because if you force them too much, and by the time they come to the teenage years, then they start longing for freedom.
And then once they get some, once they maybe go to a hostel, they start working, then they may just completely give up, if they feel too restricted. So, basically, we shouldn’t make, we should know that the children, they are souls on their own right. And they are in their own journey in their, and they are at their own stage in their spiritual evolution.
So, it is not that they can, they may not be ready as souls to practice bhakti at the age of five. That doesn’t make them bad. And that doesn’t make us bad.
Sometimes, when we, when we don’t, when our children don’t practice bhakti, you know, we feel as if I am a bad parent. And that is one possibility, but that is not the necessity. Because they are individual souls on their own.
So, we see there are many examples in our tradition itself. Advaita Acharya is, you know, he is an intimate associate of Lord Chaitanya among the Panchatapur. One of his sons did not become a devotee.
In fact, he became a Mayavadi. Now, does that mean Advaita Acharya is not a great devotee? No, it’s not necessarily like that. See, we have our duty and our duty is to help the children in whatever way is possible for us.
But even Krishna can’t control everyone. See, Krishna himself went to Durudhana. As Shantideva and Krishna, Durudhana refused.
So, even God cannot force anyone to do anything. So, what to speak of us? Therefore, we shouldn’t see, we shouldn’t make our children’s practice of bhakti into, into our ego issue. You know, if my children don’t practice bhakti, then, then I’m a failure.
If I’m a failure, what will people think about me? No, you should see that. Now, they are souls at their stage in their spiritual evolution and they will come towards Krishna at their time. If we have provided them spiritual impressions in their childhood, those impressions are very deep-rooted and those impressions will get them back to Krishna.
We should never make it, if they are doing some choices, making some choices which we feel are not good, which we feel are bad, you know, we don’t have to make it into an ego issue. You know, if you are wrong and you are arrogant to not accept what I am saying and now you are going, one day you will come back crawling on your feet, crawling on your knees, admitting that I was right and you were wrong. If you do it like that, even when they realize they are wrong, their ego will not let them come back.
So, our love for them should not be conditional to their practice of bhakti. As parents, we love them, whether they practice bhakti or not. Naturally, we will be happier if they practice bhakti, but they are souls in their own right and many times it happens that they, in their teenage years, they experience, they want to experience some things.
See, what happens, I was introduced to Krishna when I was 20, 21, 22, roughly something like that. So, in teenage years, for many of us, those who started practicing bhakti, you know, we rebelled against others to practice bhakti. People feel, oh, you practice bhakti, but, you know, maybe in the morning, chant a few times.
Why are you chanting 16 rounds? Why are you chanting so much? So, often what happened for us, for us, there is a society who is telling us to do something, but we went against it and we practiced bhakti. So, there is, especially in youth, there is a natural sense of rebellion. So, for us, that rebellion, we went against the materialism of society and practiced bhakti.
But for them, their rebellion, their natural youthful rebellion, it takes them in the opposite direction. They were practicing bhakti in their childhood and youthful, youth is the time, teenage and youth is the time when, you know, we just want to go against authority. So, that is just a normal process of growing.
But after that, what happens? The higher taste of bhakti remains. I remember one devotee in India, in Pune, his parents are wonderful devotees. Their congregation, their counsellors, their preachers, their elder daughter, she also became a very wonderful devotee, got initiated at a very young age and very nicely practicing.
But their son, he went through a phase of rebellion. So, he went through a phase of, you know, exploring various kinds of materialism and the parents were distressed, but they did not impose anything on him. And then, one day, there was a famous American musician who had come to India.
I think it was Michael Jackson, first time came to India, many years ago, at the big concert. So, he said, I want to go for this concert. And then, he had to pay a lot of money, take a ticket in black, go through crowds, traffic jam, everything.
Finally, he got there. And then, the kirtan started. It was not a kirtan, the concert started and it was just going on.
And suddenly, he told me after I came back, you know, I just felt it was just noise. It was all bang, bang, boom, boom, boom. It was just noise.
He said, you know, the simple kirtan in a temple, it is so much sweeter. Now, at that time, you know, he had done nothing. It was not that that day he had chanted around and gone to the concert.
Nothing like that. You know, Krishna is working. And, you know, he was at that particular time, which is receptive.
So, everybody is at different stages in their spiritual evolution. And, you know, their spiritual life is not between us and them. It is between them and Krishna.
So, sometimes, we may not be able to work. Like I said, there is surrender in different ways. So, like Arjuna’s readiness.
So, like providing facilities, giving knowledge, setting example. At that time, our surrender is like Arjuna’s readiness, doing all that we can. But when the children come into their teenage years, sometimes our surrender is like Draupadi.
We can’t do anything at that time. They have their own life. And we can’t force them.
But we have to know that they have a relationship with Krishna. And when we are not able to do anything, Krishna can still do for them. So, what happened at that time, that was the right time and Krishna gave that realization.
And then, his life took a radical turn after that. And he became a serious devotee. Now, he has become a preacher and he preaches more than his parents now.
So, everybody is going through their own spiritual evolution. Our purpose is to open doors for people to walk through. So, sometimes we become so attached to people walking through that if they don’t walk through, we bang the door in their face.
We don’t do that. We open the door and leave it open. So, when they want to walk through, when they are ready, they will walk through.
So, that way, if we have that attitude, we are there for our children, we offer them love, we offer them the facilities to practice bhakti, we provide them the knowledge, we set the example, they may go through a phase when they explore some things. But eventually, the higher taste of Krishna bhakti will bring them back. And they will find their way.
We can’t impose too much. We can try to facilitate them so they can practice. But we don’t have to become too paranoid about it.
We don’t have to let the bhakti… See, our bhakti is meant to bring each other closer to each other. Our bhakti is meant to make us more understanding of each other. Sometimes, unfortunately, our bhakti philosophy, it makes us more judgmental of each other.
It shouldn’t be like that. We have to understand that they also have their mind and senses. And just as we at our level struggle with our mind and senses, they are struggling with their mind and senses.
Just as, you know, we have our anarthas because of which we know this is the right thing to do, but we are not able to do it. Like that they have their mind and senses and that is preventing them from doing this. So, we shouldn’t see it as, you know, we versus them.
It is rather we and them versus the forces of illusion. And how they fight it, that is up to them. But we can be there to assist them.
And sometimes, they may take up immediately. Sometimes, they may take up gradually. But we keep the door open for them.
Does it answer the question? Thank you very much.