If someone has done something wrong isn’t it better to tell them straight instead of pausing and speaking later?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

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so when patience runs thin nowadays so how can we take a pause and then talk with others and encourage them to talk with us and if something is wrong isn’t it better to tell that it is wrong human relationships are rarely logical they are psychological most of us know that picture is this a young woman or is this an old woman most of you have seen that picture it looks like a young woman from other angle it looks like an elderly woman now two people look from two different angles this is a young woman, this is an old woman what is it? it is one image it is not logical that it is the same image it is psychological so relationships they don’t function logically logic has to be an element in the relationship but relationships themselves involve emotions and that’s why we can’t always expect that logical action logical behavior or logical discussion will be fruitful because logic is one faculty and some people are more emotional than logical some people are more logical than emotional so we might feel I am just logically explaining things you are not understanding me only so sometimes what people need is not logical understanding they just need attention, they just need time so when they are telling us this is the problem this is the problem you do like this it will be solved now we are thinking we are helping them but actually when they are telling the problem their need is not a solution to the problem their need is attention they need not just understanding they just need time the time when we hear them and their problem that is what shows them that we care so because different people are different we can’t assume that logic itself will work in solving situations so yes logic has to be there but for different people logic is activated at different times so some people are more emotional first their emotional side needs to be addressed and then the logical facts can be brought in so all the patience runs thin in today’s world but actually we may say I have less time but then what happens is if you are impatient the consequences of it take far more time so we speak one thing I just have to tell this right now and we tell it how can you speak like this and then if you had just paused and calmly explained that one thing we could have solved that in 5 minutes but then we just speak one thing and to clarify that takes 5 hours afterwards so a stitch in time saves 9 similarly one stitch on our mouth I won’t speak right now that can save us a lot of efforts in future so the impatience is a feature of today’s world but it is not a desirable feature and it is something which we need to deal with not just accept yes we are all impatient but we need to tolerate it or we need to manage it and find out time for important things as far as encouraging other people to speak is concerned it all depends on how we respond when they speak it is like say if somebody is alone in the house and some stranger knocks on the door initially when people open the door they may just open with a chain now we have more sophisticated security systems but they will just open the door with a chain and say who is this person and then they look does this person look trustworthy, does this person look familiar and then they may open the door so like that similarly people open the door to their heart very cautiously so they speak one thing and they check how we respond and then if they say we are just being judgmental, we are being insensitive just slam the door, they don’t open it but when they speak something we hear it we hear it on judgmentally, understandingly then they open more so to encourage people to speak with us it means that we hear to understand sometimes we hear not to understand we hear to explain that means we are hearing just so that we can explain our point of view we need to hear to understand some survey done and I said that an average person whenever the conversation is going on they tend to interrupt the other person every 18 seconds it’s a very strong temptation to interrupt the other person when they are speaking so now sometimes the other person might just be rambling and it’s better to put a pause to the conversation but sometimes understanding depends on how we respond so we need to hear to understand not hear to explain we need to explain our perspective but after we understand