If we identify that we are feeling self-pity what do we do next?

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Thank you. Even if we identify this as self-pity, but what do we do next? We have to do some course of action to improve ourselves or improve the situation.
Yes, the emotions that we feel can either point us to the way or they can block us along the way. But the emotions and the way are two different things. So, to the extent we understand the difference, to that extent we can work constructively.
I can understand this is self-pity speaking. If I get carried away with it, then I may just get depressed, I may even get into clinical depression, I may become suicidal. So, it can lead to a whole negative chain of actions.
In tomorrow’s session, I am going to talk about social awareness. We will talk about interrelationship with each other. So, if we understand that this is a situation, this is what I had done, but this is what has happened.
This person has taken the credit for what I did. And at that time, I can think, what is it that I can do in this situation? In general, when the mind starts carrying us away with some emotion, it may be self-pity, it may be anger, it may be fear, it may be worry, at that time, two questions which we ask ourselves can get us back into the present. First question is, what exactly is the problem? What happens is, our mind takes that particular problem as a stimulus for telling a whole story about what has happened in the past and it also projects the story about what will happen in the future.
And today’s problem can be dealt with today. Today’s problem is always manageable today. But when on top of today’s problems, yesterday’s problems and tomorrow’s problems get piled up, it becomes unbearable.
If I have to carry a 20 kg weight, I am able to carry it. But if somebody piles 100 kg, 5 bags of 20 kg on each other, I will just get crushed. So similarly for us, what exactly is the problem right now? This question if we ask ourselves and then try to consciously verbalize an answer that will pull our attention back to the present.
And then the second question would be that what can I do about this right now? So, okay, maybe I can write a letter, maybe I can compile the evidence of why I had done this, this, this, this, whatever. So if we do these two things, then we will be, I will be talking about acronym fear tomorrow where I will talk about, these are the first two steps in that. Focus and engage.
Focus on what is the exact problem right now and engage. What can I do about it right now? So in this way we bring ourselves back to the present, then we can discuss, find a constructive course of action. And then later on, when we are in a calmer frame of mind, when the wound caused by this event has relatively been healed, then at that time we can also introspect more deeply and see, is there something in our overall conduct or overall way of functioning which sets us up for this kind of emotion or this kind of situation? Can we be proactive in future to avoid this kind of situation or avoid this kind of emotion? That kind of self-observation and learning cannot happen when the emotion is dominating us.
So when emotion is dominating us, first we come back to the present and deal with it. And when we have done something practical to deal with that, then we may do some meditation or do something to calm ourselves down. When we are in a calmer frame of mind, then we can look at the past, we can look at the future.
The story that the mind is telling us, we don’t have to silence it entirely. We can hear it. But we want to hear it at a time when we can evaluate it.
If we hear it when we are passive and we are disheartened, then we get carried away with the story. So when the mind tells the story, it gives a particular spin to it. So it’s like say, if a person is a complainant, then they say, you know, he did this and he did that and he did that.
Now the complainant is going to tell the story. But the judge is not going to get carried away with the story. He has to evaluate it.
So we want to evaluate the story. And for that we have to distance ourselves from it. So when we are calmer, that time we can actually evaluate what the mind is saying.
And then we can take steps to prepare ourselves better for the future also. Does this answer your question?