Is it natural to have expectations – does spiritual life change that?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
In spiritual life should we have expectations or how do we deal with expectations because expectations are natural in our relationships Are they natural? Ok, I will explain that Now when we talk about expectations say it is at one level natural for example you know if we are talking if you ask me a question it’s natural that you expect an answer from me but say if I have to go somewhere I just don’t have the time to answer and I want to but I am not able to do it so sometimes our expectations may not be sometimes it may be because of the neglect of the other person, sometimes it may be because of the helplessness of the other person the other person is also not in control so the problem is not having expectations the problem is being attached to expectations expectations are just a natural part of human life if I go home and somebody is supposed to have put a meal at that time for us and if it’s not there I will be annoyed but then I can’t let that annoyance ruin my life ok, find out what happened let me make adjustments so expectations are natural but attachment to expectations becomes a problem so when I say that that sometimes when we have a relationship with others basically we expect something and it may not happen because that person doesn’t care or that person doesn’t have the control needed to do the thing or that person has just not understood what is to be done so we have to find out we have to find out what is causing the farting of the expectations if they just don’t care for us and if we are in a relationship with them already then we have to understand that maybe in this area I just can’t count on this person some people are just they are of a particular way their brain just doesn’t work there is a difference between people who are insensitive and there are people who are desensitized desensitized means their brain just doesn’t work that way they tell you now clean the house for us cleanliness is very important for them cleanliness doesn’t register in their mind what is the big deal why do I listen to you and cry so what happens we just have to learn that in some situations people will be desensitized they may otherwise be caring but in that particular thing it doesn’t work for them so it’s best not to have expectations in that particular area they may just be desensitized not insensitive now the other is that sometimes we did not communicate the expectation we had an expectation but we did not communicate it clearly enough so in that aspect in that communication if we do properly then that might be fulfilled in future third possibility is that we just didn’t have control so they were helpless so then maybe we need to talk about it so first is talking so that we convey the expectations the last other is talking so that we understand why they did not do what they were supposed to do that way this problem of frustrating expectations can be dealt with and sometimes it’s not that every relationship has to work at the same level of intimacy so some relationships formally they may be very close relationships but functionally they may not be very close so sometimes what happens is we expect a level of closeness in the relationship which the other person doesn’t expect or doesn’t want also they want the relationship but not that level of closeness then we may have to we all have an emotional need to be close and we have to learn that this relationship may not be fulfilled that way so that if we turn towards especially if we have a spiritual shelter that is in bhakti that gives us a shelter by which we can negotiate different kinds of relationships and live with those relationships