Is our marital partner destined?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

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life. So, when we get married, is the partner destined or we also put a lot of effort in choosing whom to marry. So, how does it work out? See, in practical terms, if we start analyzing is this karma or is this destiny, we will get paralyzed.
We will get completely paralyzed if we start thinking like that. So, what we have to see is let me see what is in my control and let me accept that he is not in my control. So, to give an example from Shastra for this, say, Abhimanyu, you know the story of Abhimanyu, how Yudhishthir sent Abhimanyu to break the Chakra, and then Abhimanyu was trapped over there.
And Abhimanyu died. And afterwards, Yudhishthir is a very sensitive, moral, principled person. So, Yudhishthir started feeling, you know, to save my life, to protect my army, I had this 16-year-old boy slaughtered.
He felt extremely guilty. This was all before Arjuna came back. Now, Arjuna took the vow that I’ll arrange.
But at that time, Yudhishthir was feeling mortified. At that time, Vyasadev came and told him that, you know, that grief achieves nothing except to sap the energy of those who indulge in it. Okay.
What has happened? Abhimanyu has died a royal death. Has died a death worthy of a warrior in a heroic way in the war. And he has attained an auspicious destination.
Now, you focus on doing your deeds. And if this is God, Krishna, God is in control, and he will work out good for everything. Good out of everything.
So, the point is at this stage, Yudhishthir started thinking, you know, I made a mistake, I made a mistake, I made a mistake. He could have become completely crippled by that feeling of remorse or guilt. Vyasadev told him, it’s happened.
Don’t grieve it now. Move forward in your life. So, the thing is that in practical terms, we have to focus on what is in our control.
So, we shouldn’t think that, oh, because my life partner is destined, so I don’t have to do anything. You know, maybe I’ll see someone and as soon as I see current of electricity will flow through me, I will know, this is the one for me. You know, that may happen to some people.
But ultimately, you know, people call it love at first sight. It’s possible. Some people may get some attraction when they see each other for the first time.
But the stability of the relationship depends not just on whether there is love at first sight, it depends on what is there after many sights. So, we have to use our intelligence. So, sometimes, some things may happen by destiny.
We may be in a particular situation, we may meet someone and then we may feel, oh, we were destined to be together. Well, we may be destined to be together, but is it so that you can grow together or is it that, you know, something else is happening? We can’t just assume things. We have been given intelligence.
I am meant to use our intelligence. So, we should put in our effort to select wisely, to think properly, to select wisely. At the same time, we should know that there is some amount of destiny involved also.
So, once we start second-guessing everything in our life, now, was this destiny, was this my choice? We will paralyze ourselves. Especially in the heat of the moment, we should not think like this. Maybe later on, when we are calm, we can look back, you know, okay, this decision, I did not, I took a little hasty.
I should have done it somewhat differently. But then, otherwise, you know, this was, in these circumstances, this was what seemed to be the most logical thing. I didn’t know so many other things were involved over there.
So, in practical terms, we really, in practical terms, in philosophical terms is one thing, but in practical terms, say, if I get a stomach upset, now, was it because of my destiny or was it because I ate something wrong? If I have eaten something wrong, then I can’t believe destiny, isn’t it? If sometimes you may eat right and still the stomach may get upset, then we can say it’s destiny. So, if I eat wrong and then say it’s because of destiny, then it’s not destiny, it’s stupidity. So, we have to do our part well.
So, rather than worrying about whether a particular partner is destined or there is, we don’t get into that. In practical terms, we focus on what is in our control. And we do that which is in our control properly.
So, we choose wisely and after choosing wisely, then whatever happens to us. Sometimes we find a very compatible partner. Sometimes we find a partner who is not all that compatible.
So, we understand that that is destiny. But destiny is, the concept of destiny is meant to help us accept that which is not in our control. The concept of destiny should not be used to abandon responsibility, to abandon doing that which is in our control.
Does that answer your question? Okay, thank you.