Isn’t it better to be a stable grihastha than a bewildered brahmachari?

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okay so isn’t it better to become a stable grahastha than a bewildered brahmachari is it that if we hear too much negativity of brahmachari ashram we become disheartened or sometimes we may hear too much glorification also sometimes I say that just become a brahmachari if you are 50% liberated so how do we arrive at a proper decision first thing is that it is very easy to try to reduce a complex situation to just simple polar opposites like when America declared a war against the middle east many years ago the American president says that those who are not for us are for the terrorists now that’s not true you know there may be people who are against the terrorists but they are against this particular American war against terror also so it’s not that that the only two options are that there is a stable grahastha and there is a bewildered brahmachari there can be a bewildered grahastha and also a stable brahmachari so we shouldn’t reduce complex reality to just simple extremes that’s the first point now regarding the ashram I feel that overall we spend too much energy on the ashram actually so much energy we spend on the ashram that we get distracted from the ashram the purpose of the ashram is to take ashram of Krishna and we lose track of the ashram and we think of the ashram this ashram or this ashram actually if we focus on the ashram that means we try to practice bhakti as seriously as we can then Krishna will give us guidance about how best we can serve so getting too much caught in this or this this or this that indecision actually in some ways satvaguna and tamoguna look similar rajoguna person is running around running around satvaguna person is sitting tamoguna also person is sitting laughing laughing but where a person satvaguna is sitting at that time there is internal illumination sarva dvareshu dehesvin prakashyam upajayate there is clarity of thought internally but a person in tamoguna there is internal not illumination but confusion or there is internal just passivity so it is that we as sadhakas at our stage when we have a lower mode within us we can’t really take decisions immediately so the most important thing is to try to practice bhakti seriously so there are two levels one is Krishna directly guiding us from within second is just by situating goodness also there is prakashyam upajayate and both can help us to understand ourselves understand our situation and make a decision now as far as say brahmacharya is being 50% liberated or something like that these are occasional statements that Prabhupada may have made somewhere but we shouldn’t make them into any absolute truth it is not that just by joining a particular ashram one can get liberated or one can even go half way to liberation one has to live throughout one’s life in that ashram so such statements we can take them as an inspiration but they should not become like the basis for the decision the basis for the decision has to be understanding our own nature understanding our own inclination so based on that we take certain statements are fine and as far as again being bewildered as a brahmacharya or being stable as a grasta actually it is not just the ashram that brings stability or that causes instability it is as I said it is our swabhava it is our nature and it is our connection with the ashraya that brings stability in our life and if we are acting in a way that is not according to our swabhava and if we are not really taking shelter of Krishna wherever we may be we will be unstable even brahmacharya ashram also one can be unstable even grasta ashram also one can be unstable usually and another point is rather than thinking in terms of within our movement also there is this dual dynamic bhakti is transcendental varanashram is not transcendental varanashram is ultimately material it can be used for transcendental purpose but it is material Chaitanya Mahaprabhu said I am not a brahmacharya I am not a brahmana so now within the traditional culture so there is the you could call it the vedic view and there is the vaishna view from the vedic view the renounced order is higher than the householder order from the vaishna view it is one’s commitment to Krishna it is one’s bhakti to Krishna that is most important now often these two can create a conflict so from the point of view of the from the varanashram perspective so brahmacharya ashram we could say is higher than the grasta ashram but from the vaishna perspective it is not from the vaishna perspective both are paths towards Krishna and quite often depending on whom we are associating with the varanashram perspective may be given undue importance so if you are associating a lot with grasta they may say grasta ashram is better because it is stabler if you are associating with brahmacharya they may say brahmacharya ashram is better but you have to understand that rather than considering this as multi-level like brahmacharya ashram as higher and grasta ashram as lower you should see these as multiple not multi-level within varanashram it is multi-level but ultimately we don’t want to stay in varanashram we want to go in the transcendental path and in the transcendental path both are paths towards the same goal and yes in terms of the facilities for practicing direct bhakti brahmacharya ashram offers much more facilities so we stay in the association of devotees we stay in the proximity of the deities we are serving Krishna constantly so in terms of facilities there is no doubt that brahmacharya ashram offers far more facilities for the direct practice of bhakti at the same time it’s not just in terms of the movement contribution to the movement even the brahmacharyas cannot contribute much if there is not a community around it so grahasthas also play a very very important role in the growth of the movement and grahasthas contribute in a different way their contributions may not be so directly visible but in terms of people come to brahmacharyas and they may hear classes they may like them but they want living examples also and grahasthas can contribute in a subtler way in one sense but it’s also equally important and so that is from the point of your contribution we shouldn’t think too much in those terms if you can contribute more as brahmachari that’s excellent but that is not as grahasthas also there is a lot of valuable contribution that is to be done and in general yes it is true that grahastha ashram is more stable than brahmacharya ashram and actually even in the history of ISKCON in 1979 some survey was done at that time something like 93% of the devotees in ISKCON were staying within temples most of them that time grahasthas were also staying in the temples but 93% of the devotees were in the temples now if you see 93% are staying outside the temples there is a complete demographic shift within ISKCON and still the Krishna consciousness movement is growing it is growing and it is growing quite stably also so it’s not that we have to choose only one particular ashram now as far as the facilities for practicing bhakti as I said in grahastha ashram there are distractions many more distractions so there is a distraction for financial anxieties there, distraction for taking care of family members is there distraction of lot of opportunities for sensual distractions are also there but with all these one also has a opportunity to practice bhakti in a way that is not very demanding so in general we have to before taking this decision we have to experience bhakti, we don’t have to experience life in a particular ashram in VTI to some extent we are experiencing life to some extent like a brahmachari but what we should focus on is the experience of bhakti and after we get the experience of bhakti we will see how much we feel inspired to do at what level we feel inspired to practice bhakti and thinking about which ashram will liberate me in the future that is too much long term thinking right now right now we should think about which ashram can I practice lifelong if I think that ok brahmachari ashram will get liberated after 30 years but then 30 years is not a small time 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, 50 years whatever you are going to live it is not a small time and if we find it very difficult or very incompatible then we will be miserable but if we can practice joyfully one of the most important things is if we find some service which we feel inspired to do especially if somebody is a brahmachari gets a taste in preaching brahmacharis can do many other services also but if we get taste in preaching then we will be self-motivated and self-motivation is very important in brahmachari ashram because initially there will be our seniors who will guide us do this, do this, do this but as we grow in our spiritual life it’s not that seniors are constantly are you doing this, are you doing this, are you doing this it will depend on us how much we we create goals and strive to achieve goals so to some extent if self-motivation is not there then the mind can make brahmachari life into hell because that idle mind is there and it can make really life hellish so to some extent that self-motivation is not so much required in grahastha life because one is already has to earn for a living so that is a necessity and when the family obligations also come up there is no one else who is going to do them so one has to do them so if we find even in brahmachari ashram also there is association, there is inspiration but one has to have that capacity to take a lot of initiative on one’s own account when we are grahasthas then we are in a sense pushed to take up the initiative pushed to do things and that also helps us to grow so if we feel inspired to practice brahmachari life in a steady way without too much difficulty we can continue but rather than just letting statements from here or there that grahastha ashram is more stable or brahmachari ashram leads to liberation no, we have to see what is the best for me and regarding negativity about any ashram well usually within the krishna conscious movement depending on where you are either you have too much negativity about brahmachari ashram or too much negativity about grahastha ashram also whichever way it is so that is a peril everywhere because generally speaking the conditioned mind likes to live in extremes the conditioned mind if something is good the conditioned mind makes you think that is the only important thing and something is not good that means it is like untouchable should not even consider it but it is not like that the conditioned mind tends to go into extremes and that is something which we have to avoid so yesterday also we talked about journal writing journaling helps a lot journaling means not just we sit down and write for hours but if we feel ok this is the grahastha ashram this is brahmachari ashram what are the advantages for me of this and we write it down and keep it there so generally if thoughts are there only in the head just keep going round and round in the head and they create mental congestion this can’t do anything properly so when you are thinking should i do this and i think just write it down get it out of the head when a new thought comes in write it down when new thought comes don’t start thinking about that thought immediately just get it out put it out and then there is a time to think about things when we are in the heat of the moment when we are running around when we already have anxieties this ashram decision needs to be taken in satvaguna but what happens is when we are in rajoguna or tamoguna at that time we start dwelling on it and that sort of thinking rather than leading to any decision leads to further indecision and instead of moving forward we sort of sink into ourselves so this sort of decision can become like a black hole which consumes our consciousness just get suckered into it so just write down any thought that comes in we may decide every week i will spend half an hour thinking about this issue and at that time write whatever you have written down keep it in one place go there and look at it this this this i didn’t have thought of this and this week i practiced i got some more thoughts about this and if we find that for us say if you write it down now and right now you find that for you the pros of grahastha ashram see much more than a brahmacharya ashram fine and keep writing like this see after 6 months once again and some more new facets may come in if after 6 months you find everything is rapidly changed that that then you may think maybe at that time i was exposed to too much criticism about a particular ashram that’s why my views were like that but if over a period of time of 6 months 1 year we find that our thoughts overall stay in the same direction there is always going to be a sine wave in our thoughts but the sine wave also has a basic platform around which it goes up and down so if we base our decision either on the crest of the sine wave or the trough of the sine wave we will not take a sound decision that’s why if we keep observing ourselves and observing it’s not just in the head and if we just try to think about our thoughts we can’t think about our thoughts like that it’s good to get them out then we understand the average level of our consciousness and if that stays more or less similar then we are quite sound in making the decision according to what we are doing and we can make out this was a crest this was a trough this was a crest but this is the overall amplitude and that way we can over a period of time take a steady decision and if while we are doing services while we are practicing bhakti the thought comes should I do this or should I do that don’t dwell on that thought if only some fresh direction is coming fresh insight is coming fresh facts factor to be considered is coming just note it down somewhere but dwelling on that can as I said the ashram is meant to take us towards the ashram but the ashram can distract us from the ashram if we get consumed in the thoughts of that so keep the focus on ashram then Krishna will reveal how best to move forward thank you very much prabhupada ki gaur bhakta vrinda ki gaur premanande