Journaling in bhakti – The Monk’s Podcast 115 with Candramauli Maharaj

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Hare Krishna, Chandramouli Maharaj.
Thank you very much for joining the Monks podcast. It has been my desire. I started this about a year or ago since the COVID started.
And it was my desire to invite you because whenever I have had your association, we have had many deep discussions on various practical and philosophical topics. I always feel and felt enlivened by your insights. So thank you for sparing your time and joining today.
So Maharaj, today I thought we will talk about various topics. Broadly speaking, I thought of, we will talk something about journaling. Because you mentioned to me that you journal regularly.
And then we can also talk something about your speciality in prison outreach. And then depending on how much time we have, we can discuss some other topics also. So I became interested in journaling maybe a few years ago, three, four years ago.
And it was more as a tool, not just for inner development, but also for outreach. I found that there are Christians who have journaling seminars, journaling retreats, where they help people to go deep within and then bring in Christian teachings laterally, not vertically, not directly, but laterally. But then I have found since I started journaling more regularly, as we journaled earlier, I found that it is very helpful for my personal self-understanding as well as for equipping other devotees, not just attracting new people with Gita wisdom, but also equipping devotees for internalising the Gita’s wisdom.
So I remember that you have been journaled regularly. So how did you start your, did you journal before you were introduced to Krishna Consciousness also or you started during the time of your Krishna Consciousness sometime? If I remember correctly, it was based on a statement by Srila Prabhupada and this was around the end of the 1900s, around 1999, the beginning of 2000, where I had read, and I had read it before, about Srila Prabhupada’s statement that he said, write your realisations, whatever you realise, write. He said, this is what our Back to Godhead magazine is for.
We want everyone to write, never mind two lines, four lines, one paragraph, but every day, the devotees should write their realisations. So there was a lecture from Prabhupada, I think it was in 1972, Prabhupada made that statement and then he has again revisited that same point many other times in his lectures. And especially for sannyasis, he says this sannyasis duty is to write.
So not being very much developed in the writing skills, I thought I would divert that desire to write based on Srila Prabhupada’s inspiration into a daily journal, which in the Western world, sometimes we call it a diary. Yes. It becomes like something personal when you use the word diary, journaling more like that.
The connotation is that it’s for other people also. So that was my inspiration based solely on Srila Prabhupada’s instructions. I felt it was more like an instruction than just a consideration.
Prabhupada actually said that in an instructive way. And he gave it as a general reference to all the devotees within ISKCON. Oh, amazing.
I have read that instruction, every day write something. And that is one of my inspirations for writing. But I didn’t really think of that so directly in terms of journaling.
And in one sense, if you consider that as an instruction of Srila Prabhupada, not everybody may be able to write for outreach, because that requires a certain level of presentation skills, analytical skills, a lot of things are illiterate skills. But Prabhupada says, write your realisation. So in that sense, Prabhupada is presenting this as a part of our sadhana, that just like we chant, so write as a, that’s amazing.
So you said Prabhupada revisited that other times? I heard a lecture just recently, maybe about a week ago, where he again, emphasised that importance of writing. And I noticed in the tone of his emphasis, it’s quite direct and quite strong. Because he said these writings may in the future be, you know, basis for developing books.
And of course, we can also say articles or books also. That wasn’t my intention. It was more like for personal purification.
And for reflection on some of the experiences I had throughout that particular day, and a way to recall those experiences and not to have them experiences just leave me after experience. Oh, okay. Yeah, it was something that I wanted to keep as a memory, and remember being, you could say something for I can go back to and revisit, get inspiration and see how things have evolved when I first started and to where I am presently.
Because it’s been going on for me. I started in the year 2000, September 2000, I remember exactly. So since then, I’ve been doing it every day.
Obviously, there’s been a few days where travel and circumstances have caused me to miss, but I keep a time where the day is finished, and I’m about to take rest. So just before I take rest is when I write. I find that gives me enough time for reflection.
I can sit down, I’m not doing anything else. And then I think what to write. It’s not always an inspiration that comes.
Sometimes it comes as a regulation, something that I should continue to do. Other times it comes as an inspiration. Oh, okay.
That’s amazing. That it’s a, as you’re saying, it’s a regulation, as an inspiration at times. I did a couple of courses on journaling.
I mean, I taught them to devotees and new people. And basically, to some extent, what you said that having a regular time, it really helps. Otherwise, if you leave it to inspiration, then it becomes very sporadic.
Yeah. It can be. You could fall into a lack of inspiration, and therefore you don’t do it for whatever reason.
But I’ve kept it as just as like part of my sadhana almost. In other words, I consider it something that I want to do every day and I should do. And then there’s times when I sit down with no inspiration and just pick up on some idea and start writing about that.
And then all of a sudden other ideas come. So I found that’s one of the reasons, one of the ways to reflect on things that may not be apparent just by writing. Other ideas and feelings and emotions start to arise.
And I find that’s a good part of the things I write, is that things disappear as I’m writing. And then I may go off in one area or another area like that. So the content itself is not relegated to a particular topic.
It could be anything. Oh, OK. So you’re saying that there is regulation in the act of writing, of journaling, but not so much in the content of journaling.
When I did this seminar, I taught this course on journaling. So I recommended a particular structure. But again, I said it is up to individual.
So I basically, when I do journaling, I try to do these four points. What was the best thing that happened today? And why was it the best? What was the worst thing that happened today? And why was it the worst? What was the best thing I did today? And why was it, why do I consider it the best? And what was the worst thing I did today? And why do I consider it the worst? So now many devotees have found this helpful. But again, sometimes it requires a certain level of intellectual exercising to look back at the day in that critical way.
And in that careful, critical way, sometimes you will not be in a frame of mind to do that. So do you use any structure at all? Or when now, because you are habituated to it, the thoughts automatically flow when you start writing? I make sure I include one contact, then something about Srila Prabhupada in everything, every daily writing. I say something in relationship to Prabhupada.
Something, something, something about Prabhupada. So you’ll find in every one of the entries, Prabhupada’s name is there. Oh, okay.
I include it. It’s just my dedication. It’s kind of like a dedication to Srila Prabhupada.
It’s my inspiration for everything. So that’s that one, one constant that I find that I like to include. Something about Srila Prabhupada, something he said, or just a general glorification of Srila Prabhupada, or something about Prabhupada that is interesting.
And I try to relate that to what I’m saying also. So it flows within the same content. That’s not always the case, but sometimes I’ll just say, well, by the mercy of Srila Prabhupada, and I’m able to do this, or I’m able to feel inspired in some way or another.
In other words, Prabhupada is just, I feel like devotees should stay fixed on Prabhupada and everything they do as the basis for our direction in Krishna consciousness. So I try to keep that as a focus in my writing. That’s, that’s a beautiful thought, Narad.
Because in one sense, as our movement, movement goes into the future generations, those of us who have had direct interactions with Prabhupada will become lesser and lesser. And I think reading and writing, reading about Prabhupada, hearing about Prabhupada is important. But internalising our relationship with Prabhupada can happen by adding something about Prabhupada in our personal reflections.
Otherwise, it becomes almost like we think about Prabhupada, then we have to quote Prabhupada in our classes. But otherwise, how much are we relating with him at a personal level? This is something which I will definitely try to implement in my life, in my journaling, Haraj. This is beautiful.
Because this is one fear which many devotees have expressed. And I also have thought about it, that can journaling become self-indulgent? I’m just writing about myself and my life and my emotions and my events. So I think this what you want, you said, write something about Prabhupada and connect events of our life with Prabhupada.
That is one tangible way in which we can avoid journaling becoming an exercise in self-indulgence. But any other thoughts in this direction, Haraj? Our whole movement is based on glorification of the Lord, either through worship or through actual glorification, in one way or another. So I think that to include Srila Prabhupada is essential in keeping that mood of glorification.
So you’re saying that even the journaling, it can be more about, say, how we glorified Krishna and glorified Krishna’s devotees, Prabhupada, or served Krishna’s devotees during that day. So if we can have that mood of glorification service, then that is one way of connecting with bhakti. A lot of my journaling, at least in the beginning, in the earlier years, it’s still there.
And something is to pray to Prabhupada to develop the qualities and the enthusiasm to continue in my devotional service and to learn more about myself that I could use in my Krishna consciousness. And I feel that that inspiration for learning will come from the mercy of Srila Prabhupada. So I feel that by praying to Prabhupada and directing things towards Prabhupada, I’ll receive his mercy in that way.
Mercy is always there, but when you ask for it, there’s a tendency that it comes faster. So I use this as an opportunity to ask for mercy. Oh, beautiful.
So you made these two very striking points. One is that if we know ourselves better, then we can actually engage in more service of Srila Prabhupada. So we can engage more of ourselves.
One metaphor I give for this is like the Kshetra. The Bhagavad Gita talks about the Kshetra, the field of activity. So if I have got a field, then if I understand the field better, which kind of crops will grow over here, which kind of crops won’t grow over here.
Or sometimes maybe under the field there are some hidden treasures. Maybe there is gold or other things over there. So if you understand the field, then we can use it more fully.
So we don’t just want to flow the field. So we don’t want to use the body and mind, but also understand the body and mind and understand ourselves better. So journaling can be in that sense an integral part of bhakti itself, of learning how to offer ourselves more to Krishna.
Isn’t it Maharaj? Yeah. And particularly it centres around preaching because that’s really how my diary is really organised based on my experiences in my travels from year to year, from place to place, from individuals to individuals. My experiences with that, the struggles that I encountered, the reflections on how I accepted the struggles, how I was overwhelmed by situations in my attempt to preach, how I learned things from others in times when I was So it all centred around preaching, a lot of it.
And I felt I’m preaching to assist, trying to assist in whatever small way I can, Srila Prabhupada’s mission. So there’s the connection to Prabhupada also. Okay.
Yeah. In one sense, your life is devoted to preaching. So when you’re talking to talk about your life also, it’s going to be about, it’s going to be about how the preaching endeavours are going out.
And if I’m going through while I’m trying to preach, how I get overwhelmed sometimes by the efforts of trying to preach, how difficult it became at different times to maintain sadhana, to continue with the preaching, to travel, to do everything that was required. And so my early diaries, and some even more later ones, is about the struggles that I encounter in order to keep up on my service of preaching. Oh, okay.
And based on the efforts I made for those struggles, it comes out in the form of praying to Srila Prabhupada for his mercy and guidance. That’s a good part of the whole reflection on the diary. So do you consciously try to take a diary entry toward the prayer in the end? You start with an event and a reflection and a prayer, or you leave it preformed as to how it will evolve.
And it seems to happen automatically now, but that’s what happens. It kind of ends in or sort of centres around praying for qualities, praying for abilities, praying for intelligence, praying generally just for mercy. Oh, so then the way you are doing journaling, it seems to be almost intrinsically a spiritual activity.
Because I had two conceptions of journaling when I present journaling. One is that journaling is something which can help us in our spiritual life. That by understanding ourselves better, we can see what obstacles we are facing.
We can also learn through the journaling how to face the obstacles. So in one sense, the activity itself may not be spiritual, but it can help us in our spiritual life. But in your case, you are saying that your inspiration for journaling has come from Prabhupada’s instruction.
In the content of journaling, you have glorification of Prabhupada and the content concludes in prayer. The content is also about your challenge in preaching. So it seems the whole journaling itself is a spiritual activity, not something which is used for a spiritual purpose.
Right, right. It’s more individual than what we say a tool for preaching in general. It’s my own reflections about myself and how to deal with them by expressing them through the process of writing.
Okay, so it’s the introspective part of Krishna conscious. It’s a lot about introspection. Okay, that’s amazing.
And so I talked with another with one of our senior leaders who also journals. So he told me that he has written in his will that he has got cupboard filled of journals. He wants, he said that his will that after me all my journals should be burnt.
So I asked him why. So he said that because there’s a lot of anger in the journal. I use my journal to process my anger when I had difficulties in the in the devotee community or in the world at large.
So I don’t want that to be read by others. So you have used your journaling also for publishing. So when you write, are you like, do you keep a consideration that will this be read by others? Do I want it to, will I be concerned if it is read by others? So I first, I think that, yeah.
I’ve kept my journal, the information that I put in the form of the journal only within the, in my disciples arena. I don’t go outside of the disciples. In other words, it’s available online for the disciples only.
Because I feel, you know, it’s not, I feel like the inspirations I’m trying to give in my own Krishna consciousness through preaching can be a tool for my disciples to learn more about how they can improve in their Krishna consciousness. So I keep it in that arena because there’s a lot of personal stuff in there that will definitely be misunderstood by people in general and devotees in general. Okay.
So is it that every day’s journal, you put in the public domain immediately, or you edit it and then you put it in the, not in the public domain means for your disciples, or only some of the entries you put? No, it doesn’t go, it doesn’t go into the public. Maybe every once every two years, I put out a three year edition of the diary like that. So I publish it in groups of three years.
Like the first edition was the year, the end of the year 2000, all the way through the year 2002. That was volume one, volume two was from 2003 to 2005. Next one was from 2006 to 2008, and then from nine to 11.
And that’s where, that’s where I pretty much finished right now. And I put out four editions like that. And on the cover, it’s only, it’s more like an e-access book.
I put on a picture of Srila Prabhupada with some quote by Srila Prabhupada on the cover. Oh, to say, it’s about, you know, it’s about my, it’s my life in relationship to my spiritual master. So he’s the focus for everything I do.
I don’t make it available. I only make it available on request. In other words, even if my disciples want it, they have to request it.
I don’t just put it out. Okay. But even when you request it, it is not say like today’s journaling, it will not be available online.
It is the previous 10 years journaling which you have gone, you have edited, and then you have put in a book that is available, not the daily reflections as they come out every day. Right. So far I’ve only, only put out for general reading from the year 2000 to 2011.
Oh, okay. I’m still working on editing a lot of the later ones. Oh, yes.
Some of them are still being transcribed because I write in pencil, in pen. I don’t type it. Oh, okay.
I think it’s more personal when you sit down with a pen and a pencil and just write on a piece of paper. Yes. I’ve read in some books on journaling that the sound of the pen or pencil moving on paper, that itself gives a feel that one is journaling.
That is true. So then later on somebody types it and then after that you select and edit it or how do you, my question is, do you try to select and publish? Because everything might be too, either too personal or too large. So when you said three years, so is it all three years, almost 1000 entries from 365 to three or is it some of the entries? All of them.
All of them. Yeah, I include all of them there. But I’ll also do other things.
I like to play with rhyme. I have an attraction for rhyme. So I used to also practise rhyme through my journaling.
Oh, rhymes means like putting Krishna conscious truths in rhyming sentences or rhyming poetry or what do you mean by rhymes? Yeah, like rhyming sentences like that. Oh, okay. Yes, I noticed that in your classes.
You do have striking play of words. They become the points which we can carry at the end of the class with us. Yes, Varaj.
I try, you know, it’s just, this is just a personal thing. Yes, man. So in terms of the benefits that you feel from the journaling, what, how would you, I know we can’t quantify them, but how do you feel the journaling has helped you? Well, we can talk about it in two ways, what I’m doing now and what I’m editing.
When I’m editing, I’m going back in years, sometimes 10 years or even more. And I’m seeing what my mood was at that time, as opposed to what my mood is now and how it’s evolved or not evolved. Some of the things that I realised at that time that I may again reflect on and use those realisations in my present practise of Krishna consciousness.
So it’s a way to reflect on where I was at the time when I was writing and what I said, and it can also be helpful in becoming inspired in what I’m doing at the present. So I found that is pretty much one of the major points about the benefit is I can look back and say, oh, wow, I said that. Yeah, that’s interesting.
Maybe I can, again, resurrect that thought and apply it in different ways. So that’s fascinating. So in a sense, it’s like you have, you could say the best of yourself preserved in paper from the past, or you can say the best of yourself or the most reflective part yourself preserved on paper, and then the present you can connect with that reflective you from the past and you can gain some resources from it.
That’s beautiful. Resources and also memories. Yes.
I have in my, I had done journaling till now and I haven’t thought about journaling, but this is a question that comes up, how often or how much should we read our previous journals, your diary entries. So this is remarkable. I haven’t done this so much, but it is, whenever I have done it, there are two considerations.
One is that sometimes you feel it’s, there’s so much to read and so many other beautiful materials to read. How much time should I spend on reading this? But whenever I pushed myself to do it, actually, I’ve also felt quite enlivened by it. So, but I didn’t think so much in terms of the inspiration and the memories from the past.
So overall, how much time do you invest in journaling and editing? Well, right now I’m going through a process of editing. There’s a few, there’s about two or three disciples who are working on different time periods. And I’ve sent that to them for them to transcribe and send it to me in a Word document.
And then every day when I get whatever they do, I try to go through it. Sometimes it’s six or seven days. Sometimes they send a little bit more or a little bit less.
So that takes about an hour every day just to do the re-editing. Then another part of the re-editing is a lot of times when I was writing, at the time I was writing, because you know, when you speak, it’s one thing, but when you write, it’s, the expression should be a little bit more clear. Speaking sometimes becomes conjecture or it becomes reflective.
And so it doesn’t always become spontaneous or what we say, systematic. You might also jump. So when you try to put that on paper, you can see when you read Srila Prabhupada’s statements, the way he weighs it, how he hesitates, reflects, goes back over something, maybe diverts to another subject and comes back to what he’s saying.
So that’s the nature of speaking. But when you get into writing, it has to be more systematic. So people follow a certain train of thought.
So to transform that speaking into a more on paper type of an expression, that’s basically the editing. Without losing the mood that was there when I first put it on paper, that’s the hard part, to keep that mood and don’t make it so just rote or very dry. Because a lot of times I’m just talking to myself and I’m writing it on paper.
That’s so true. This is one challenge when even we try to say, take the transcription of our classes and try to make it into books. What you said is that the clarity and the structure and the flow that is not so much there in the spoken word, whereas that is required in the written word.
And in a sense, converting the spoken word to the written word is not that easy. Sometimes I don’t even do it completely. I just keep it the way it is.
And other times I just try to make a few changes in order to give it a more flow. And I can see from my reflecting back over what I wrote, sometimes my grammar is off. So that’s one thing.
So when you journal, do you also say encourage or recommend other devotees also to journal as a part of their sadhana? Do you see it as Prabhupada’s instruction? So do you think that all devotees should do it? Or is it those who are more introspective, they will find it more comfortable to do it? Well, I mentioned it a few times and I emphasise it because it’s Srila Prabhupada’s instruction, I think for all of us. And when people do begin it, I’ve had a few devotees come back to me and say, well, this is good. I like this.
I want to continue with it. Most people find it, you know, it’s just an extra time period in the day when they do it. And sometimes they can’t find time.
And I will be able to find time unless I keep it at a certain time. So I keep it at a certain time, knowing that before I take rest at night, I’m going to make my entry. So that’s practically the last thing I do.
But maybe some days you might be very exhausted after the whole day, though, because it generally requires a certain amount of reflectiveness also. So, or it has become, because sometimes I find that if I start journaling toward the end of the day, then the thoughts start becoming activated and you can’t sleep when you are sleeping also, when you want to sleep, because the thoughts keep going around and around, or you have become habituated to it now. Well, that part, the part is sometimes, yeah, I do feel too tired.
Sometimes I sit down and I think, well, I just want to get this done so I can take rest. But then I think, oh, well, let me give it a try. And that’s a lot of times where I reflect on my own inadequacies and that becomes the expression of the writing.
Oh, okay. It could be something that, something I’m going through at the moment or something that I went through, as you said, the best part of the day or the worst part of the day is generally the topics. Oh, okay.
But sometimes it’s just the time period I’m in and how I feel at that time and I just write. So, this daily entry at the end of the day, do you have a fixed time for it, like say 15 minutes, half an hour, or it depends on how much, how the thoughts go? Yeah, the last part depends on how the thoughts go. So, it’s not very long.
Sometimes it’s three normal paragraphs, maybe a little bit less. Sometimes when the inspiration is good, then I just keep writing until I feel like I’ve exhausted the inspiration. So, it could be more or less, but you’ll find that it’s never more than one side of one page.
And that’s a long entry. Oh, okay. Usually it’s about a half a page on one side.
That’s the usual size, or maybe a little bit more. So, that doesn’t, that takes how much time usually? 15 minutes, sometimes, depending. When the inspiration is there, it’s even less, 10 minutes.
One of the things I really like about it is that sometimes I write about my experiences with devotees or about what devotees have talked to me about that day or something about them. And that’s one of my fondest memories about writing things down, is I can remember that devotee and I can remember that interchange or that interaction with that devotee. And that’s nice.
Helps you recall the devotee. Sometimes we forget the devotee after 10 years, and then you read back around and reflect about it. Oh, yes, I remember that incident.
That’s amazing. So, it becomes, it’s not just about you and your thoughts, also about your interactions with others. And so, when you write a journal entry, at that time, do you revisit it immediately? Or it is only when you’re going to edit for publishing that you revisit it? Or is it at the end of a month? Do you look back at the month’s entries or like that at the end of a week or something? No, I just write.
As soon as I finish the last word, I close the book. I don’t even read it the same night. It’s only when I go back over it for editing, do I read it again.
Oh, okay. Now, there are some authors. I don’t know if that’s good or not, but that’s just the way I do it.
Okay, that’s fine. There are some authors who recommend journaling as first thing in the morning. They say when you’re awake, just clear your head by writing for 20 minutes or something like that.
And they call it morning pages. And some devotees have found that also quite helpful because to get out of the tamas, you start writing. Writing actually forces one into sattva guna because you can’t really write without having a certain amount of sattva.
So I found that helpful, but our mornings are quite packed. And to get time in the morning is difficult. So did you choose the time at the end of the day? Was it a conscious decision or it just automatically worked out that that was the time that was best suited for you? Yes, that was the time that was best suited.
And I fully agree with you that the mornings are too packed up. But I also agree with the principle that the morning time, the mind is somewhat free from the encumbrances of the day. And you get a lot of realisations and reflections that just appear within the mind in these early morning hours when you first wake up.
In fact, in general, I think, and this is true, devotees get a lot of ideas about their Krishna consciousness when they first wake up. Seems like whatever’s been a concern seems to solve itself at that time. You get an idea, you get a reflection.
So that time I find I get ideas, but it doesn’t become part of my writing. So do you note down those ideas? So do you note down those ideas at that time? You note down the idea somewhere? At that time or later in the day? No, I sometimes I just have a pen ready and a pen and I write down maybe a few words and then go back over it later. Oh, OK.
That’s a good time for, yeah, that the early morning is really ripe for bringing thoughts to the surface that you would never would normally expect to come. It just comes. The mind’s in the right mood.
It’s more relaxed and it’s just, you know, you’re not thinking so much. And so thoughts just arise from the subconscious at that time. That’s what I experience in a regular day to day.
But I don’t use that time for writing for the same reason you mentioned. It just is not enough time. Yes, Narad.
Just a small technical point. You mentioned about the subconscious. So now is there something like the subconscious within the Vedic conception of the mind? Or we could just say that in the mind, there are multiple layers.
The subconscious is one part of it because the conscious and subconscious mind are more of, say, maybe constructs from Western psychology, but they are also intuitive. We can relate with them in an intuitive sense. But are there any specific references to the subconscious in our Vedic tradition? You have any idea of that? The subconscious? Yeah.
The subconscious. The subconscious. In the conscious mind, the subconscious mind, is there any reference to that in our tradition that you know of? Well, that’s where memory is stored in the subconscious.
So recall. If you want to recall, sometimes you have to go into that, what we say, unconscious part of the mind in order to bring that idea or thought to the surface. But sometimes it comes on its own.
And other times, by the effort you make to bring about recall, it may also come. So using philosophical or psychological understandings, we understand that the subconscious or the unconscious part of the mind, what’s on the reflective screen or what’s on the awareness screen is just a small part of what’s stored within the mind. Okay.
That’s true. The mind’s like a computer. What you bring up on the screen is just a small part of what’s there.
The rest is… So just like in a computer, if you want to bring something else up, you hit certain buttons or you push something and something comes up. Yes. Thank you.
That’s a beautiful metaphor. And in that sense, it’s quite, it resonates with our experience also. Thank you.
So how did you get the idea of publishing your diary entries? Was it some specific event? I just inadvertently, I came across a, I don’t know if it was a book, but I think it was a journal by Gopal Krishna Maharaj. And I had, so I saw his name on it. And then at the bottom, it said for disciples only.
So I thought, oh, okay, something just for disciples. So that was kind of an idea that I just picked up. I saw something that he had published and it said for disciples only.
So that was my connection to the idea. I should do something. Well, I was already doing it, but I thought of the, well, yeah, it shouldn’t be a public thing.
It shouldn’t be for the general audience. It’s just for disciples and just for certain disciples that want to read it. Yes.
So this is somewhat, so your journal entries are somewhat different from say like some devotees, they write about their preaching experiences. So yours are more introspective. Then it’s not just the experience, but your analysis of the experience also.
Yeah. And I also write about preaching. I actually started another journal called Travel Journal.
And I started that practically at the same time I did this. So I had two going. One was personal introspective, which is the one that I continue.
And the other one was the events that I experienced regularly in my travels, who picked me up at the airport, where I took lunch that day, what person I met, what country I was in like that. So I only continued that one for 10 years. I did that from the year 2000 to 2010.
And I thought, that’s too much. I can’t keep up on both journals. And I have that one too, which is about 450 pages, which I’m still finishing the editing on that.
And that hasn’t been made public anywhere right now. It’s only been with me right now. But I find it, it’s kind of like you might say my personal sense gratification.
So I simply, when I go back and read over that, I just remember all the experiences I had in meeting and people travelling like that. Some of the challenges, the daily diary is more reflective, more personal, more like a struggle. The other one is more like events.
You know, I use a point you made about sense, about gratification. I recently read a definition of creativity, which I like very much. Creativity is intelligence having fun with itself.
So, so I thought of it once as journaling is like the self having fun with the self. Of course, it’s not just fun. There’s a lot more.
There’s serious introspection. But still it is, it is a time we spend with ourselves and it can be quite enriching over a period of time when we do it. There’s always something in there.
Sometimes you’ll write a whole page and most of it will be like, you’ll just say something, but there’ll be something in there that is worth going back over and learning from. Yes. So in general, in your classes, do you find that you, whatever you journaled about that automatically comes up? Does that also become like a resource for you to speak in future classes or it doesn’t necessarily, it’s more of a reflection that is for recollection and future publication? Yeah, it’s more like a reflection and not for future publication, but just a reflection.
The daily exercise of writing, not losing certain ideas that I somehow or other came across that day that I want to keep with me. It’s also a process of memory. The idea of journaling also helps me to remember what I want to remember or what I should remember or what I can benefit by remembering those experiences.
Yes, Maharaj. Actually, that is a lot about, yeah, sorry. Because Prabhupada said, if you want to remember something, write it down.
Yeah. You know, one of the things which struck me in my journaling is that there’s sometimes some experiences which were so enriching, so life-altering, it seems so unforgettable, but it’s so amazing that we completely forget them. So writing them down actually not only solidifies the impression of that experience in our mind, but also provides us an external reference point for coming back to that experience.
Exactly. And so, do you have some kind of, when you are journaling at that time, do you highlight, okay, this is an important point, this is not an important point? Or as you said, you just journal and you end it later on when you are reviewing, only then you look at it again. Yeah, that’s, well, I make it, just go right through it.
Whatever I said, I said, I don’t go back over and try to correct it, because it’s all written with pen and paper. So it would be all just like scratching out and re-entering. So whatever I wrote, I wrote.
But I try to think about what I’m writing when I’m writing, or what I want to write when I’m writing with that. Okay. And maybe one last question about journaling before we conclude this.
So, overall, in our tradition, we know that Prabhupada journal, at least sometimes we have his journal of the Jal Duta journal. And recently, the devotees from the Bhakti Vyant Research Centre in Calcutta, they showed me Bhakti Sahasra Takur journal. It was not a daily journal, it is intermittent, which they are going to now eventually try to publish.
But has journaling also been a part of our tradition that you know of? Well, you see, when Prabhupada started his movement in America, whatever little things he was doing that day, he wrote it down, how much he spent on bus, how much he spent on buying some bananas. He had how much he made in that night in a programme he had with a few people. How many books he sold.
Prabhupada kept a little bit of a, you know, a record in a written form that we have published. I think there’s two or three books like that of Prabhupada’s early days where he was writing down, not completely, but just things that were happening with him. Okay.
Prabhupada did that, you know, when he first started his movement in the West. So, do we have any record whether Prabhupada was journaling in his earlier life also, or whether Prabhupada continued to journal after the movement started expanding? I don’t think, I think if there was something, what Prabhupada did in his early life is he more or less wrote articles. Okay.
He was proficient in writing, especially his Through the Back to Godheads, which started in 1944. Yes. And then after that, many of the articles he wrote, which some of them turned into books, such as Easy Journey to Other Planets.
And then one book he had written in the 1940s, was it the early 50s, a discussion between Ramananda Roy and Lord Chaitanya, which is mentioned in the Chaitanya Charita Mita. Prabhupada wrote a book on that whole exchange between Mahaprabhu and Ramananda Roy. Oh.
So, Prabhupada was a writer. How much he actually published, we don’t really know. He was writing a lot, especially when he was at the Ram Dambadar temple, he was writing quite often.
Oh, okay. So, are you saying that there may be unpublished writings of Prabhupada that may be existing somewhere that we even may not know about? Because I think that would be a big threat here. I can’t really say that for sure, because it seems like that devotees have gone into his life in different time periods in his life and found out as much as they could about him.
But there are writings that surface. There’s a whole book of Prabhupada’s poetry that surfaced. That was before he actually came to the West.
That’s amazing. That was published into a book also. Yes, that’s true.
So, in one sense, we can say that even if we don’t have any record of our previous Akshara’s journaling, just the fact that Prabhupada also did it sometime and Prabhupada wrote that we should do it, that can itself be a sufficient impetus for us as followers of Prabhupada to journal regularly. Yes, and I think capturing the moment is the thing we should think about. Not losing the moment, keeping that moment alive, which brings about the reawakening of that realisation that we had at that moment.
That’s one of the key things I think about keeping a journal. Some realisation, put it on paper, then go back to it later on and again reawaken that realisation. And realisation, memory is about becoming Krishna conscious.
In one sense, you have given your purport to what Prabhupada said, that write what you have realised. So, you’re saying that we capture the moment not just for the sake of the moment itself, but we capture the moment where we gain some realisation and then that realisation becomes more reified, more tangible and more accessible for future. Exactly.
That’s how I would look at it. Keeping the experiences alive through writing. Yes, Maharaj.
So, thank you for this very stimulating discussion on journaling. Usually, at the end of our talk, I try to summarise things. So, it was quite an inspiring discussion.
Maharaj, you discussed broadly about how for you journaling was in a sense following Prabhupada’s instruction to write every day, to write your realisations. And you have made it into a part of your sadhana and you included, you do it at the age of schedule, daily time at the end of your day and also that you try to spiritualise it by having something connected with Prabhupada, starting with something like a challenge or struggle which you’re facing in your outreach and then having a reflection ending in a prayer. So, I loved that idea about how mercy is available, but the more we ask it, the more easily we get it.
So, in a sense, journaling is a way of asking for mercy. And so, journaling for you is not something which is for outreach, but it is primarily directly a spiritual activity for yourself. But as you have been editing it, you have also been able to publish it and share it with those who are closely connected with you.
And revisiting the journals later, you can get memories, devotional memories as well as also devotional inspiration from, it’s like a meeting the present you with the recorded version of a past you. So, that re-reading journaling was quite an insightful thing for me. And rather than, so journaling can sometimes be based on inspiration, but it is good to have it as a regulation.
And then sooner or later, some ideas come up and then they develop in various directions. And journaling is also, what you said is that, it’s what Prabhupada said, write your realisations. So, by writing, we are making the realisations a little more crystallised and tangible.
And also, he said, make them available for the future. So that we can capture, I love that phrase, capture the moment so that we can relive or reignite the realisation we had in that moment. This is a very devotionally, I would say, devotionally surcharged vision of journaling.
And then he also mentioned about while journaling. So, at the end of the day, it will be a little exhausting. You may be exhausted, but doing it helps you to get a like a overall review of the day.
And in the morning, it could be helpful to get for creative purposes, to get ideas which you can jot down. But morning is difficult to journal because of various other activities. And as far as journaling, if all devotees can do it because it’s Prabhupada’s instruction, then we have precedent of Prabhupada himself doing it also.
And if we do it in a way that is, because for us, ultimately our life is for serving and glorifying Krishna. So, we understand ourselves better, then we can understand how we can serve better. And we can also see how we are glorifying Krishna to our life and how we can do that better.
So, I have been journaling and talking about journaling with others, but you’ve given me a much more devotionally rich vision of journaling. So, thank you for that, Maharaj. Thank you very much, Maharaj, for sharing your association and your experiences and your wisdom in bhakti.
Would you like to speak any concluding words, Maharaj? You summed it up very nicely. It’s amazing how you recalled everything we’ve talked about. Yeah.
I think one of the things about the journaling is that if there was some outstanding qualities that you were exhibiting at the time when you were writing, and then later on when you go back over it and you can see, well, you know, maybe I’m not exhibiting those qualities anymore, or these are the areas I’m actually weak on right now. So, you get an inspiration to see what you were doing and maybe you’re not doing now. What you’re doing now and what you were not doing then, both from both sides, and you can see how you improved or maybe how you also, you know, went away from something that was actually good practise.
Yes, Maharaj. That idea of a dialogue between the present me and the past me, that is a way of talking about it. Significant gain of journaling.
I talked about dialogue between different sides of us. Now, there might be an impulsive side, there might be a reflective side, there might be a hopeful side, there is an optimistic or pessimistic side. So, dialogues between two different sides of us, I talked about in journaling.
But this idea of revisiting our journal and diary entries and having a dialogue between the present me and the past me is a very valuable resource that I’ll also use in my journaling. And you also mentioned that talking about your interaction with devotees, that also gives you, maybe help us remember the devotees and also gives us rich memories of bhakti for our future recollection. Yes, Maharaj.
Yeah, and Prabhupada also said your writings may also be a basis of future articles or future books. It could be done. It’s just a matter of putting it together and finding a theme within it and then actually turning that into a publication.
That’s something I haven’t thought about, but I know the possibility is there. Of course, it would have to be relevant to somewhere. It would have to be important for people to get inspired with, but you can do that.
Yes, Maharaj. Thank you very much, Maharaj, for your association and sharing your time. Thank you for extending your time.
I know it’s quite late where you are, so I can see you made the supreme sacrifice just to continue this preaching programme. So, thank you very much for taking the time to discuss these things. Thank you, Maharaj.
Humble obeisances to you.