My husband doesn’t oppose my bhakti, but he wants me to take interest in worldly things that I have lost interest in – what should I do?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

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ever since I have become a devotee I have become only interested in Krishna but my husband is not a devotee, he is a wonderful person but he feels that I have so changed that he can’t relate with me because I only am only interested in Krishna he wants me to be interested in my past interests movies and other things which don’t interest me anymore so my Krishna Bhakti he feels is coming between between us he is not against my practice of Krishna Bhakti but he doesn’t want me to be he wants he wants the old me to be there with whom he can relate what should I do answer life is always about seeking balances amidst the many forces which may attract us, sometimes positively sometimes negatively but we need to balance our horizontal relationships in this world with our vertical relationship with Krishna we need to see that we are souls who are parts of Krishna and other souls are also parts of Krishna and we are all related with each other through our central relationship with Krishna however while we are in this world we have specific relationships and we have specific roles and responsibilities according to those relationships and these roles and responsibilities are not to be made into so consuming that they leave us no time for our relationship with Krishna, at the same time these roles and responsibilities are not to be so neglected don’t have to be totally neglected in the name of our relationship with Krishna so sometimes when we start practicing Bhakti, especially if we get good association, we get good understanding, we have got good taste then naturally we may find other things uninteresting so what do we do at that time it is if we are in a particular position we need to carry on the responsibilities in that position if we are in a family situation then we need to focus on that family relationship with Krishna also as a service to Krishna now as a service to Krishna, we may have to take interest in certain things that are not of interest to us sometimes when students become devotees they may feel that all these studies are simply mundane, I am not interested in these studies I just want to practice Bhakti that sentiment is good but at that time if they are in that social role where they need to study, then they need to study and they have to find the intelligence, the will power by which they can study and they can move onwards in their relationship towards Krishna so through by doing their studies in the mood of service and worship Krishna says that by your work, worship me so Krishna is not recommending a rejection of the worldly responsibilities for his devotion, he is saying, telling us to expand the scope of devotion so that we can integrate our worldly responsibilities within that scope and this means that a student may not feel interested in studies but they may have to take interest because that is their role and responsibility at that particular time so similarly if we are in a steady family relationship with someone, then sometimes as a service we may need to take interest in some things which may not be of interest to us now of course we can decide what to take interest in and we can try to be selective of those things which are not aggressively anti-devotional that’s for example when we see that we generally separate that this is spiritual and this is material and we consider everything material to be non-devotional and maya but even among the material there are things which can be separated, there can be anti-devotional, there can be non-devotional, there can be pro-devotional so for example there are outright sinful activities which say involve breaking the regulatory principles which we may not want to do and which as much as possible we can try to avoid but there are many pro-devotional activities which we can do for example say studying about learning some art, discussing about some skills, discussing about some mutual subjects of interest which are informative even if they are not really spiritual directly so that could well be in the mode of goodness so every relationship requires us to come out of ourselves to sacrifice to some extent so sometimes that sacrifice means that we have to give up our material interests for that relationship and sometimes that sacrifice may mean that we have to give up our spiritual interests for that relationship but either way what we do need to do is to move onwards towards developing that relationship so we shouldn’t think of spiritual only in terms of what is directly connected with Krishna somebody may be speaking about Krishna but if they have a self-promotional mentality not a service mentality there are many people who do a business by singing bhajans about Krishna and they make millions of they make millions of rupees by that so just something connected with Krishna may not necessarily be devotional it is not done with a service attitude something that may not be connected with Krishna externally speaking but if it is done with a service attitude may turn out to be devotional Arjuna, he was fighting a war a war can seem a very brutal and non-devotional activity it is done for the service of Krishna so similarly sometimes for the sake of maintaining a relationship we may take interest in certain things as a service to Krishna and as a service to those to whom we are related say every relationship needs some boundaries and it also needs some flexibility so we may now that we have become a devotee you can explain to your husband that you cannot become like the old person that you were, people change all the time say 5 years, 10 years down the line we won’t be the same person even if we don’t become devotees we don’t stay the same person our spouses don’t stay the same persons we all change and we need to adapt for the relationship to stabilize all of us have to adapt to whatever changes happen to the other person in that relationship so the expectation that you become the old you is not possible just by the natural process of growth and all the more by the process of spiritual change you have a changed person but still that doesn’t mean that you cannot take interest in anything that is not connected with Krishna what we can focus on is that what are the ways in which we can connect with our relatives which are not too detrimental to our bhakti if you do them in a devotional mood then in a mood of service this is a soul with whom I am connected and your the way you function the way we function in our horizontal relationships determines the way those connected to us in that horizontal relationship will pursue Krishna and will either approach Krishna or will go away from Krishna so if we want them to come closer to Krishna then it’s vital for us to keep faith to do that which will maintain their positive perception of Krishna so taking interest in some things which are not too anti devotional for the sake of the relationship and then trying to see something devotional within it and that is our devotional intention so for the sake of a relationship with Krishna we may want to give up many things but sometimes for expanding the scope of a relationship with Krishna we may take up some things so for example sometimes we may learn some new skills for the service of Krishna the skill itself is material but it is usable in Krishna’s service so we are expanding our material repertoire of what we know so that we can serve Krishna so we shouldn’t limit Krishna bhakti to just say going to the temple or attending festivals or doing services to the deities chanting the name chanting the name of Krishna these are important but the scope of bhakti is expansive and we can see our relationships also within the scope of bhakti as service to Krishna and even if they don’t directly connect with Krishna if they enable us to develop an attitude of selflessness where we put other persons first then that can help that attitude of willing to sacrifice ourselves for another can help us in our spiritual relationship with Krishna also because we will be able to better put Krishna first when the opportunity comes and the need comes so by re-envisioning bhakti as essentially that which is done with the intention of devotional service and by finding which interests are common between us and our spouse which are least devotionally inimical and which can help us to establish a establish a establish and maintain a good relationship then we can appropriately give that relationship a form that is stable that is satisfying to both may be not fully satisfying ultimately no relationship except the relationship with Krishna is fully satisfying but that is reasonably satisfying and in that way we move onwards towards progressing in Krishna bhakti by direct devotional activities and progressing in an attitude of service with inclusive understanding of bhakti through our horizontal relationships also