Overcoming negative emotions 1 – Resentment

[Talk at North Florida University, Jacksonville, USA]

[Bhagavatam class on 1.2.15 at Krishna House, Gainesville, USA]

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So I thank all of you for coming here today evening.
Am I audible to everyone now? So I’ll be speaking on the topic of overcoming negative emotions. Emotions are what largely direct our consciousness, our energy and our life at large. And if negative emotions come in our heart, they choke us.
Now there can be different kinds of negative emotions. I’ll focus on three distinct emotions which we’ll deal with in the next three sessions. This session I’ll talk about resentment.
So basically when we live in the world, let’s say if this is the person, I am this person and around me is the world. So the emotions may come because of what happens out there. Emotions may come because of what happens in here.
Or emotions may come because of what may happen out there. So that means what happens out there, if something bad has happened, somebody has treated me unfairly, some reversal has come in my life, that may cause me resentment. So resentment is largely associated with what has happened.
That’s a negative emotion. Internally, sometimes we ourselves may get overwhelmed by negative emotions because of our inabilities or our mistakes. If it’s because of our inabilities, then we may get into depression.
I’m just not good enough. We may get inferiority complex. We may go into having self-esteem issues.
So where we feel bad about ourselves. That’s because of our inadequacies. If it’s because not so much what we are incapable of doing, but more because of our mistakes.
Another negative emotion that may come up is guilt. Why did I do like that? So both these are emotions which come in because of what happens inside us. Another set of negative emotions comes associated with the future.
That is based on our worries. What may happen? What if this happens? What if that happens? Associated with that is our desires. We worry based on what we consider important, what we desire.
So in that I can talk a little bit about addictions also. Sometimes our desires may become addictive and that causes anxiety. So broadly when we function in the world, what has happened that may cause negative emotions.
And the prominent negative emotion that comes when something goes wrong is resentment. Now I had a PPT here and I will use it partly. The mood here is quite informal, so I don’t want to make it too formal with the PPT.
But who’s operating it? So we will have time for question answers at the end. But if any of you find anything unclear, would like to ask questions in between, feel free to do that also. Can I ask a question? Yeah, sure.
What is it? It can be both. Desire is, I would say, a non-judgemental word. It can be positive, it can be negative.
So if a desire is a positive ambition, that’s good. If a desire is a negative addiction, that may be bad. Yeah.
So if we consider life to be like a journey, and say we are driving and we don’t notice somehow there is a bump and there’s a jolt. Now when there’s a jolt, it’s uncomfortable. Sometimes the jolt may be severe, we may hurt ourselves, we may bruise ourselves.
But the vehicle moves on. Now we may just look back to see, okay, where was the jolt? Where was that bump? How did I miss it? But if somebody, while driving their car, keeps looking back, looking back, looking back, they’re going to meet with a far greater problem than what they already met. The bump was an inconvenience.
But if they keep looking back at where the bump was, they’re going to now meet with an accident. So same way, in our life, sometimes we just meet with bumps. We expect life to go on smoothly and suddenly something goes wrong.
Hey, why did this happen? What happened? We start looking back. And we start, this is not physically looking back, but mentally looking back. What happened? Why did this happen? Why did he speak like that? Why did she do like that? Why did this have to happen? And like that when we do, we are basically caught in looking back at life, while life is going on ahead.
Resentment is the emotion that forces us to live in the past. So our thoughts get caught in the past and we stay stuck over there. And in the present, there may be opportunities, there may be dangers.
We become blinded to both of them. And thus we end up getting into further trouble. So for example, say we went to a party or somewhere and we greeted somebody and that person snubbed us.
Why did he do that? Why did she do that? We feel angry. But suppose in that party we are supposed to meet someone important. And that person comes and instead of talking to that person, we’re thinking, why did he do like that? Why did she do like that? That was a snub, that’s bad.
But here something more important is there. So life moves on and we need to move on. But resentment keeps us trapped in the past.
Another example. Go ahead. So inside us is what the yoga tradition calls our mind.
So the yoga tradition compares our self’s existence to be three levels. There’s the body, there’s the mind and there’s the soul. So the body is like the hardware of a computer.
The mind is like the software. And the soul is the user. So now if we are watching something, say there is a sports match going on.
And the sports match, sometimes if something exciting happens, or even something eventful happens, it may be exciting for the team which is winning, it may be irritating for the team which is losing. But either way, when something eventful happens, there’s a replay. Now imagine if in that TV, the broadcasting company, it just keeps broadcasting the replay.
The match is going on, it doesn’t show the match only. Say, what is going on? Come on, okay, this thing went wrong. This team lost this particular move, but I want to see the full match.
So if somebody would just keep displaying the replay again and again, this is nonsense. Move ahead. So same way, we also need to move ahead.
But in our mind, when something goes wrong, the mind keeps replaying. Why did this happen? Why did you do like that? Why, why, why? And actually, it’s not just a replay. Along with the replay, there is more intensification and magnification.
Sometimes, as the replay grows and grows, then what happens is, our thoughts get consumed. Just can’t think about anything else. So we may be physically at one place, but emotionally, we are caught somewhere else.
And we may replay the events. Okay, I did like this, he did like that. And I spoke like this, he spoke like that.
And this replay doesn’t lead to any further learning or any further understanding. It just leads to further disconnection from reality. Just like the match is going on.
And okay, I have to play the match or watch the match. But the replay is, if I get caught in the replay, I don’t see what is happening in the match. So like that, what is happening in our life, we miss out on that when we get caught in the replay of the mind.
So the mind is like a software. And this software can work in different ways. So when the software starts showing the replay, then again, we get disconnected from reality.
Go ahead. So another example, by which we’ll move towards the solution part. The first is that sometimes, when we are working on a computer, the computer just hangs.
And we press some keys, nothing happens. We try to change the application, nothing happens. And experience tells us, when nothing is happening in the computer, what do we do? Just press the power button.
Press the power button and turn on the computer. So usually when a computer hangs, what exactly happens, it may be complicated. But the broad principle is, that there is some programme which is caught in an auto loop.
And it is trying to do something, it is trying to do something, and when it is not able to do it, then it takes more energy to force itself to do it. So if this is one application, and this is the whole memory of the computer. So it is supposed to take 10% of the memory.
But when it is not able to execute, it starts taking 15%, 20%, 30%, 50%, 90%, 100%. And then the whole computer’s memory and energy gets used in that programme which is not working. So at that time, what needs to be done is reboot.
And when there is rebooting, at that time, when the programme starts again, that programme has been forced to be stopped. And now if it starts also, it will take the normal amount of energy. So same way in our life, say right now, we are conscious of many things.
Say you will be conscious that, okay, you are sitting in this room and you are hearing me speak. You may also be conscious, okay, the chair you are sitting on, is it comfortable? How is the person next to you dressed? Is the temperature here comfortable? You may have something to do after you leave from here. So we are conscious of many things at the same time.
But while we are conscious of many things, some things catch our attention. So for example, if right now, while we are speaking, suddenly there is a scream in the background. All of us, what happened? Who screamed? Why? So there may be many other things in our perception, but one thing catches our attention.
So similarly, when we start becoming resentful of something, then there is a lot happening in our life, and okay, that particular event happened, and we need to think about it, we need to analyse it, we need to deal with the issue. But there is much more going on in our life. But when we get caught in that, we are trying to execute that.
So that was an event that happened, one event happened in the whole day, 24 hours, that event took 5 minutes. So I want to think about it, and try to deal with it. But when that starts consuming my energy, it consumes my thoughts.
So instead of just taking a small portion of my brain, it does more and more and more. And it starts taking the complete brain. And when that happens, we just can’t think of anything else.
Sometimes people just become paralysed because of resentment. This especially may happen, say something has happened in the previous night, or previous evening, and then we go to sleep, we are not able to sleep, or even if we are able to sleep, somewhat we wake up, and still the mind is beating us. Why did this happen? Why did this happen? Sometimes, normally after we sleep and wake up, we are re-energised.
But if the mind is resentful and is consuming all the energy, then a few hours after waking up, we feel drained, we don’t feel like doing anything. We are not physically drained, but we are emotionally drained. Because that particular resentful thought is consuming our energy, consuming our energy completely.
So now, most computers have a physical reboot button. Now, our minds don’t come with a reboot button. But the way we reboot is by changing the question.
What fuels resentment is the question why. Why did he speak like that? Why did she do like that? Why did this happen? Why, why, why? And, frequently in life, the why question just has no answers. Maybe later we’ll find the answer.
But at that particular time, the why question just has no answers. So, yeah, yeah, that’s true. So, best way to reboot is to just change the question.
Change the question means, how can I go ahead now? How can I go ahead? Okay, this has happened. Okay, my car met with a bump. And maybe the car has got scratched, maybe it’s a little damaged.
But I have to move on. So how can I move on? So, usually, we, when we have some sense of control, we feel empowered. When we have no sense of control, we feel disempowered.
So, if, say, we are driving a car, and there’s a storm, I will take this car to safety. I will look where there is a safe shelter, I’ll take the car to safety. But if we are in an aeroplane, and the aeroplane meets with turbulence, we’re just passengers, we’re helpless.
We don’t know what to do. So we feel, if we feel that we don’t have any control, we start feeling powerless. And that feeling of powerlessness is further paralysing.
So the why question keeps our focus on things which are not in our control. Why did he do like that? Why did she do like that? Well, they are different, they are individuals different from me, I can’t control their behaviour. So the why question shifts our focus to that which is not in our control, and that’s how it disempowers us.
The how question, how can I go ahead now? That shifts the focus to what is in my control. Okay, my car hit a bump, and what can I do now? Is the car moving properly? If it’s functional, I’ll move on. If there’s some odd looking sound, odd sounds are coming from it, maybe I’ll take it to a mechanic.
Or I’ll stop, and I’ll look at the car and examine myself. But as soon as I can shift the question, how can I move ahead? That will change the focus of our thoughts. And this changing the question that we ask ourselves is very important in overcoming emotions, any kind of negative emotions.
So with respect to resentment, we reboot the mind which is hanging in resentment with the question, how? How can I move ahead? And sometimes when the mind is just too caught in something, at that time, even verbalising the question, okay, how can I move ahead now? How can I take steps forward? What can I do practically? This is how we get the thoughts out of the head. It’s caught in the mind, okay, it’s like this, like this, like this. Just get it out of the head.
What can I do now? How can I move ahead? That’s the first step. Go ahead. And while asking this question, now how can I move ahead? What can… Sometimes when the computer is hung, we may have some data which has not been saved.
And we feel that, oh, if I reboot it, I may lose the data. But then life always presents us with, you know, we have to make some choices. I may keep the computer on, hoping that maybe the computer will come out of the hanging so that my data will not be lost.
But in that process, I’m losing time. I write, as I mentioned in my introduction, I write on the… I read every day, I write a 300-word article. So usually it takes me around 15-20 minutes to write the first draft, and it takes me about one hour after that to edit it and finalise the article.
So once I wrote an article, and suddenly my computer got hung. So I’d written about 200-300 words, and when the thoughts are flowing nicely, at that time, the ideas that come out, they come out very smoothly. And when the computer hung, I was just waiting.
Maybe the computer will come back to normal. Maybe the computer will come back to normal. I was waiting, waiting, and then it struck me that actually I ended up waiting for around 25 minutes.
And actually I had written those 200-250 words in 10 minutes. So I thought, OK, I thought I’ll get the data back. But I wasted more time just waiting.
So I rebooted. Maybe the computer had done some autosave. OK, how can I move ahead? So at that time, how can I move ahead? I thought about it.
I’m being stupid, waiting so much time. Then I was about to press the reboot, it struck me. OK, I was using Word.
Word was not working. But then I just thought I could just take a screenshot. So I took a screenshot, and some of the screenshots worked at that time.
And I rebooted, and I just took the JPEG and converted it to Word. I had all my data back. The point is, as long as I was just dependent on the computer, when will this stop? Why is it hanging? So as long as our focus is on something which is not in our control, we feel disempowered.
As soon as we start thinking, how can I move ahead? That is empowering. So here, just as I said that sometimes we may waste a lot of time just waiting. Sometimes our resentment of reality hurts more than reality.
Say we are going for some trip, some hiking, some mountaineering, and we plan for it, we are eager to go there, and just the night before the outing, we get flu. And then all our friends have gone, and say, I am lying on the bed. I am frustrated.
Oh, they will all be enjoying over there. What am I doing over here? Now if we consider from the objective perspective, having a flu is not a very painful experience. Yes, there is weakness.
There is some discomfort because of the fever. But at that time, the more painful than having the flu is the mind’s resentment. Oh, everyone else is enjoying.
I am suffering over here. I am missing out on all the fun. So actually the reality is not so painful.
Okay, there is flu. But the resentment of the reality is much more painful. So if we sometimes recognise we have a problem, but the resentment of the problem makes the problem bigger than the original problem also.
So we tend to magnify. That’s how if I understand, oh, I am wasting so much time trying to get this data back. Better let me just reboot it.
So if we understand that by resenting reality, I am actually hurting myself more than whatever was the hurt caused by that problem, then that will give us an impetus to reboot, to take proactive steps for changing the situation. Go ahead. So in every situation in our life, there are some things which are right and there are some things which are wrong.
So the mind based on its moods, it tends to focus on whatever is wrong. Actually, this is not necessarily a bad thing. To understand how the mind works, I was just yesterday at a jeweller’s shop.
One of my friends is a jeweller. So he has got a big security monitor. And they’ve got three doors and there are cameras attached to each of the three doors.
And they’ve got two windows. They’ve got cameras over there also. So in case any burglar comes in from anywhere.
So that screen has got five windows over there. Or you could say the screen has five divisions. And in those five divisions, whatever is happening at the doors and the windows is shown.
And then if anything unusual happens, if anybody comes in from the door, they just press a click and it zooms. And then that occupies the whole screen and other windows just shrink down. So this is actually very similar to how our mind works.
Our mind is connected with our five senses. The eyes, the ears, the nose, the tongue, and the skin. So through all these, we gain information about the world outside us.
And whenever anything especially interesting or stimulating comes up, as I said, now right now, we’re getting information, you’re hearing the sound, maybe you’re looking at me or looking at each other, you’re sensing the warmth or the cold of the place, the softness or the hardness of the chair. If at this moment, suddenly there’s a scream in the background, so what happens? The window which is connected to the ear zooms, pops up. And our whole focus goes over there.
So this is how our mind works. So this is to some extent essential for our protection. If something is alarming in my circumstance, in my situation, if somebody screamed, is there a burglary going on over there, is there some explosive object over there, what is happening? So we are biologically designed in a way that we are meant to be alert to danger.
But sometimes, this there is a physical tendency that whenever there’s danger, whenever there’s anything unusual, we focus on that. But when the mind can sometimes make this malfunction. So yes, we are meant to be aware of danger, but we are not meant to be aware only of the danger.
So when the mind starts malfunctioning, then it focusses only on one window. This is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong. Now going back to the earlier example of that security camera, sometimes some thieves may use decoys.
They may just at one gate, they may just create some disturbance. And the whole attention focusses on that door, and then they slip in from the other door and they steal whatever they want to steal. So yes, we need to be aware of the stimulus at one place, but we cannot be blind to what is happening at other places.
So in our life, when we become resentful, then it’s like one window zooms up and it blinds us to everything. So if we can okay, this has gone wrong, this person ditched me, this person cheated me, this person did like this, yes, okay, that’s bad, but what’s right in my life? I have many other friends in my life, I have good health, I have intelligence, I have a career ahead of me. If we look at what’s right, that’s another way we can break, we can reboot from the resentment loop in which our inner computer gets hung.
And it’s not so easy to think of what is right at that time itself. And that’s why it’s very empowering to make a habit of counting our positives, counting our blessings. The mind, when it starts counting problems, it will get caught in counting the problems.
And at that time, if you look at what is right in your life, what’s right, nothing is right, everything is wrong in my life. We will not be able to think at that time. Even if a hundred things are right, still we will not be able to think about it.
So recently we had this hurricane here and it caused a lot of inconveniences in southern part of Florida, it caused a lot of destruction and even loss of life. It’s tragic. At the same time, there are many other parts of the world where also hurricanes happen and they are far less equipped to deal with it.
When the hurricane came, actually in Puerto Rico and other islands, there it caused far greater devastation. So yes, the hurricane that came was bad. But if we just get caught in what was wrong, yes you know the power supply went off for so long, I did not have water, I couldn’t travel, I couldn’t do this.
Well, there are people who don’t have homes to live in. There are people who don’t have food to eat. So in any situation that we are in, we can look at the things that are wrong but we can also look at the things that are right.
And if we leave it to our mind, the mind will only look at what is wrong and then we will become more and more resentful. But if we focus on what’s right and it’s best that at that time it will be very difficult to think of what’s right. So we consciously make an effort and write down what are the things that are right in my life? What are the blessings in my life? What am I grateful for? And write it down and keep it ready.
Now we keep it in some diary somewhere and then when we need it, I don’t know where the diary is. There it’s of no use. Maybe keep it in the pocket diary, keep it in the phone.
Somewhere we can easily access it. So this is a weapon which we can use. It’s actually inside us a war is going on.
When the mind becomes filled with resentment, it becomes our own enemy and starts beating us down. And say a war is going on, a soldier is on the war field and somebody attacks. And the soldier says, wait, wait, I don’t have my weapons.
Let me go to my tent, get my weapons and we’ll fight. The enemy is not going to wait like that. Soldier has to have the weapons ready.
So similarly if we have our weapons ready, our weapons is counting our blessings. Not just counting our blessings, but we have already counted our blessings and kept those blessings with us. Then at that time we’ll be able to deal with this resentment.
Yeah, this bad thing has happened, but let me see the whole picture. There are many things which are good also that have happened in my life. So let me not get obsessed with that which has gone wrong.
Go ahead. Now moving further, as I said, what the yoga tradition tells us is that our existence is three-dimensional. There’s the body, there’s the mind and there’s the soul.
The soul is spiritual. The soul is indestructible. And the soul is actually who we really are.
Now we may say, oh, this is just a belief of some people. Yes, we may think like that. But at the same time, if we consider our consciousness.
Our consciousness is categorically different from everything else. Say, if I look at a physical level, what is happening in my brain? Just some electrochemical signals are going through the brain. Basically electricity is going through the brain.
That same electricity is going through this computer also. But the computer is not experiencing emotions. It is telling me to speak louder, so softly.
Laughter Laughter Laughter So the computer has electricity going through it. Our brain has electricity going through it. But there’s no consciousness there.
The consciousness actually comes from somewhere else. Last year I was in Canada. So I spoke at Toronto University.
One of the prominent scientists of Canada, Nobel laureate, is Dr. Wilder Penfield. He is considered the father of neurosurgery. And he did many experiments to try to understand where consciousness comes from.
And he wrote a book after almost 40 years of research. He wrote a book called The Mystery of the Mind. And in that book, he described various experiments which he did to try to find out where is consciousness in the brain.
Generally it is thought that consciousness is associated with the brain. So now, researchers have found out that different areas of the brain are connected with different functions in the body. So, for example, there is a certain part of the brain which is connected with the motor nervous system.
And the brain can be activated using electrodes. Laughter So the brain can be activated externally using electrodes. So what Penfield did was, he asked the subject, raise your hand.
The subject raised the hand. He found that a particular part, the corresponding part of the brain is activated. So what happened? He said, I raised my hand.
Ok, put your hand down. He put his hand down. What happened? He said, I put my hand down.
Then, he used external electrical stimulation to activate that part of the brain. And the hand went up. What happened? He said, my hand went up.
He asked, did you raise your hand? He said, no, I did. You did. Then he deactivated that part of the brain.
The hand fell down. What happened? He said, my hand fell down. Did you put it down? He said, no, I did.
You did. Then, Penfield repeated his experiments while activating other parts of the brain. His purpose was to check where in the brain was the agent who felt, I raised the hand or I put the hand down.
And when he activated different parts of the brain, different things happened. Sometimes suddenly the person might remember some childhood memory. Sometimes the person might suddenly feel I am smelling something.
I am remembering some smell or some taste or whatever. But, nothing would make the subject feel that I am the doer. I am the raiser of the hand or I am the person putting down the hand.
But to understand the implication of this experiment, consider say, if I have a printer over here and my computer is over here. So I have a print button. Now I press the print button and the print hand starts moving.
Now, you may come and you can press the print button. When you press the print button, also the print hand will start moving over here. So, say the parietal lobe of the brain, assuming that is the area connected with the motor nervous system.
So pressing, activating that lobe of the brain is like pressing the print button. And that causes the hand to rise up and down. Now in the second case in the experiment, there is Dr. Penfield who pressed the button.
Who pressed it in the first case? Second case, it was Penfield who pressed. And it was the subject, he said, I did not raise my hand. He said, you did.
There is someone different from the brain who is the activator of the brain. And that activator, Dr. Penfield concluded in his book Mystery of the Mind that the source of consciousness is extra cerebral. The computer is like a programme but it is programmed by something outside of itself.
So what is outside is the soul. The soul is who we are essentially. And that soul is indestructible.
So no matter what has gone wrong in our life, that can hurt us socially, that can hurt us financially, that can hurt us physically, that may even hurt us emotionally, but that cannot hurt us spiritually. Because at the spiritual level every one of us is indestructible. And to the extent we understand our spiritual identity, to that extent we can avoid getting overwhelmed by resentment.
Understanding our spiritual identity is not just something abstract. Oh, I am spiritual. It’s actually a matter of a realisation.
Say when the hurricane had come, a flood came. The water started flooding. Now if we consider there is a two level building.
The lower level starts getting flooded. Now I feel threatened. What if the flood comes? What if the flood comes? But if I find there is a staircase, I can go to the upper level.
I go to the upper level immediately, I get relieved. There is no immediate threat. So the material level of reality is like, if you consider our existence, is like this two story building.
The material level is like the ground level. The spiritual level is the higher level. So whenever we feel resentful, whenever things go wrong, they threaten the material level of reality.
And if we are existing at that level itself, then we will feel threatened. We may feel overwhelmed. But if we rise to a higher level of reality, then we will feel secure.
We will feel strengthened. So the process, there are various processes for rising from the material level of consciousness to the spiritual level of consciousness. And these processes are broadly called as yoga.
Yoga is not just physical postures, that’s just a beginning in yoga. But through different process of yoga, one can rise to the spiritual level of reality. And when we rise to that level of consciousness, we start experiencing a deep sense of calmness.
A deep sense of confidence. A deep sense of clarity. And by that, we can find out positively how to deal with the situation.
So as long as we feel threatened by the situation, we will not be able to deal with it calmly. We will react to it. Because we feel our survival itself is at stake.
But once we don’t feel so threatened, we rise up. Then we can respond more maturely. So when I previously talked about focus on what is right and not what is wrong.
That is change of perception. Okay, don’t look here, look here. Don’t look at what is wrong, look at what is right.
But now what we are talking about is not just change of perception, but change of perspective. Perception means what I see. Perspective means from where I see.
So if I am at the lower level and looking from there, I feel the flood is going to come and it’s going to threaten me. But if I rise to a higher level, then I don’t feel that because I know I am safe. So when we realise our spirituality, then we don’t just change our perception, we change our perspective.
And when the perspective is changed, then that helps us to deal with whatever situation is there, the resentful situation. The situation that has caused us resentment, we can deal with it calmly, confidently and clearly. So I will summarise and then we can have some question answers.
There is a longer PPT over here, but I will take that later if we have some more questions. Now in the future sessions, I will talk a little bit more about how to rise to the spiritual level of how to rise from the lower level of consciousness to higher level of consciousness. Now here in these programmes, we often do musical meditation.
We do mantra chanting. So this mantra is not just ordinary sound. It is not just ordinary music also.
It is sound that acts like an elevator for our consciousness. So when we sing the mantras or chant the mantras, they act like elevators. The more we just hear the mantra, the more we sing the mantra, we feel our consciousness rising upwards and as our consciousness rises upwards, then we start feeling calmer.
We start feeling more confident. The fog inside us clears up and then we can find out practically how I can deal with the situation. So what the mantra is and how it works, that I will talk in future sessions.
But here I would like to summarise and then we can ask some questions. I focused today on how to overcome resentment. I started with three metaphors.
First was of while riding, if I hit a bump, I keep looking back. I will meet greater accidents. So life is like a journey and sometimes when we hit bumps, resentment forces our vision to stay locked in the past and that causes greater problems than what they need to be.
Second example I gave was of a camera auto-replay. If a movie is just doing auto-replay of the same thing that has happened. Sports match is going on and it is showing what happened earlier.
We miss out on what is happening now. Like that our minds sometimes get caught in auto-replay. Continuously.
Why did it? Why? Why? Why? And again we miss out on what is happening in life right now. The third example was of computer getting hung because one particular app consumes all the energy. So similarly sometimes one event that has happened in our life then it just sucks all our attention.
I gave the example of a camera having five windows in it. Of a monitor having five windows in it. And like that we have five senses but our mind gets caught in one.
And when it gets caught over there we just get consumed. So we need to, when the computer is hung we need to reboot it. So we reboot it by the question, changing the question from does anyone remember? Yeah.
Why to how? Thank you. So how can I move ahead right now? So generally when we feel that we are not in control then we feel disempowered, we feel helpless. Like if the plane meets a turbulence what can we do? But if it’s our car facing turbulence okay let me drive expertly and get out of trouble.
So the why question puts our focus on that which is not in our control, things out there and makes us feel helpless. The how question puts our focus on what is in our control and helps us to take steps forward. And then I talked about for moving forward how to press that reboot button from why to how what can give us the impetus? First is understanding that resentment of reality often hurts more than reality.
If I’ve got flu and I’m missing out of the picnic missing a bat, okay the flu is there but the mind beating me up hurts me much more. So I’ll not think about it, I’ll think about something else. I’ll do what I can maybe I’ll hear something, read something, watch something I’ll not ponder over that.
So that’s the first step. Often resentment hurts more than the actual event and that’s why there’s no point in the why question. The second point I discuss is focus on what’s right not what’s wrong.
Now we are biologically designed to be aware of danger to protect ourselves but sometimes this biological function gets sabotaged by a psychological malfunction. Then our mind gets, doesn’t just notice what is wrong but gets consumed by what is wrong. So for all of us there are things wrong in our life but there are also things right in our life.
But to remember what is right, we won’t be able to think at that time. So we need to consciously put time and energy to note down the blessings in our life and then we keep them ready with us. So when the mind starts becoming resentful look at that and then we can have more positive energy within us.
This was change of perception, what we see and then the last point I talked about was change of perspective. Understanding that actually I am indestructible because I am spiritual. So understanding this is like there’s a flood coming and I move to a higher level in the building where the flood cannot touch me.
The material level is where all the disturbances which may cause resentment occur. But if we rise to the spiritual level then we realise that all the disturbances are not going to hurt me. The spiritual is not just something sentimental or imaginary.
I discussed Dr. Penfield’s experiment, how the source of consciousness is extra cerebral and the raising of the hands experiment and then I concluded by one way to rise from the first level to the second level reality is through mantra chanting. Yoga tradition offers us many ways but when we raise our consciousness to spiritual level then that brings us calmness, confidence and clarity and by that we can deal with the problematic situation in a practically effective way. Thank you very much.
Does anyone have any questions or comments? What type of yoga is the best for rising to clarity? In different situations there are different yogas which may be more effective for different people. One of the aspects of the yoga tradition is inclusivity that it recognises that different people are at different levels of consciousness and accordingly there are different methods which may stimulate them towards higher awareness. So broadly speaking we could say that we as living beings we have hands, we have head and we have heart.
So there are aspects of yoga which focus on the physical aspect. So that is what is generally known as yoga. It is called Ashtang yoga where we do different yogic postures and as we advance it goes inwards towards meditation.
So for people who are more physically orientated the physical yoga may be more easy for them. They can connect with it easily. Then there are some people who live more in the head.
They are more intellectual. They are more analytical. So for them there is what is called as Gyan yoga.
The yoga of intellection or intellectual analysis. And then there is the heart. Now the heart is one part of us and there is a yoga which is connected with the heart.
That is called as Bhakti yoga. So it connects the human heart with the divine heart. And then it gives us access to divine power by which we can rise upwards.
So in a sense these three are different parts. Say the hands, the head and the heart are three distinct faculties in the human being. At the same time they are not three entirely separate.
It’s one living being. And the heart, where the heart is that’s where the head eventually goes and that’s where the hands also go. So we follow the process of Bhakti yoga because it includes all other aspects.
The hands and the head are also included. The heart doesn’t exist alone. So I gave the earlier example of rising from one level to higher level.
So the other processes, the processes which say of physical yoga or intellectual yoga they focus on our effort to rise up. The central force for moving up is our effort. So they are often compared to like a staircase.
On the staircase it is our energy which takes us up. Whereas Bhakti yoga which connects us with the divine, which links to the power of devotion, it connects the human heart to the divine heart, that gives us access to divine power. And by that, that power helps us to rise upwards.
That’s why Bhakti yoga is often compared to an elevator. So in the elevator also we have to make effort. We have to find out where is the elevator.
We have to go inside the elevator. But we don’t have to exert that much. The elevator takes us up.
So similarly in Bhakti yoga, we have to chant the mantras and we have to try to focus on chanting the mantra. So trying to focus on chanting the mantra is like entering the elevator. But once we focus, we find that we rise up much faster.
You had a question? Yeah. So are there different mantras for different effects? Yes. There are.
The word mantra refers basically to those sound vibrations which are empowered to deliver the mind. Mana is mind. Tra is to deliver.
So mantra refers to sounds which are specifically empowered to free the mind from negativity. So there are different mantras for different purposes. Now, if we consider the mantras, there are two views of looking at mantras.
One is in isolation, we see them as powers. Each mantra is a power. This mantra is for this purpose.
This mantra is for this purpose. And there are mantras like that. But there is a more integrated view of looking at mantras also.
This mantra has this power, but where does the power come from? So, the Bhakti Yoga tradition explains that mantra is not just a sound. It is the divine manifesting through sound. So that’s why the names which directly evoke the divine.
The mantra that is composed of such names is considered the most powerful. Because the divine is omnipotent. Whatever be the specific problem we have, the divine’s omnipotence can deal with that problem.
That’s why if we chant the mantras which involve the names of the absolute, the names of the ultimate reality, or which address the ultimate reality directly, those mantras are most efficacious for all purposes. So we chant in the tradition of Bhakti, the absolute is known by different names. There is Krishna, there is Ram, there is Hare.
All three are different names of the supreme. So Ram and Krishna refer to the masculine aspect of the divine. Hare refers to the feminine aspect of the divine.
So we chant the mantra Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Ram, Hare Ram, Ram Ram, Hare Hare. So this is the mantra which addresses directly the divine. And in that sense this mantra is said to have the powers of other mantras also.
Any other questions? Yes please. Okay, good question. So if we say that there are different levels of consciousness, can we evaluate this without attaching any value judgement to it? Yeah.
There are two things, there is judgement and there is value judgement. So judgement will not necessarily be we can make judgments without being judgemental. That means say if somebody has a high body temperature, that is just an objective fact.
Somebody means they have fewer. Now to say that your body temperature is high, that is a judgement. But that is not a value judgement.
We are not casting aspersions on the character or the value of that person. We are just recognising that there is okay, your physical body has got some disease in it. So broadly speaking, when we start evaluating or we start judging, one of the fundamental advantages of the spiritual world view is that if we understand that we are souls, then we can separate the person from their present behaviour, from their present level of consciousness, from their present conduct.
So we understand that at our core, every one of us is pure. Every one of us is spiritual. Every one of us is a spark of the divine.
At the same time, all of us are covered over by different kinds of coverings. And based on these different coverings, we need to deal with them appropriately. So for example, the yoga tradition is very inclusive, that the souls are present not just in human beings, souls like us are present in all species.
So in cats, dogs, lions, tigers, birds, they also have souls within them. They are also essentially souls. So the words from the Bhagavad Gita says that the wise people see all kinds of human beings and all kinds of animals also equally.
Because they see the soul within everyone. At the same time, while we see the soul within everyone equally, at the same time we understand that they are at different levels right now. So for example, there is a soul in a cat and there is a soul in a tiger.
Now, if a cat is annoying me and I clap, the cat will go away. If a tiger is annoying me and I clap, I will go away. Laughter So, there can be equality in disposition but there doesn’t have to be necessarily equality in action.
The way I deal with a cat and the way I deal with a lion will be different. So same way, when we look at the people around us, we have to understand that different people are at different levels. So some people may be short-tempered, some people may be very sentimental, some people may be very nervous.
They get worried very quickly. Some people may be go-getter kind of people. They just, when they decide to do something, they just push everyone else aside and they may trample on others, just push others and just move towards their goals.
Some people may be more melancholic. They just live in their own world. They may not respond so quickly to others.
So this is just their nature. So, now to observe this and understand this is something which we need to do to interact effectively with them. Now whether there is a value judgement associated with it? Not necessarily.
As souls we understand everyone is pure. But at a present level, different people may be acting differently. And rather than making an objective statement about where they are at, we can focus on how they are going to affect me.
If, say somebody is aggressive, somebody by nature they are verbally or physically aggressive, then they may hurt me physically or verbally. So then I may have to keep a distance from them. So this observation involves some evaluation but that is more not based on we putting ourselves at a level of a judge and looking at others.
But rather we put ourselves at an equal level and see what is going to be harmful to me, what is going to be beneficial to me. So recognising different levels of consciousness helps us to firstly protect our consciousness. Say, if somebody has got into some unhealthy habits, somebody has got into some addictions, taking some drugs or something like that and I don’t want to get into that.
If I associate with that person freely, then that person may push me, persuade me and I may also get into that. Now I may not judge that person as bad but I need to see that this particular behaviour, this particular action is not so good for me. So I may keep a distance.
So we can separate a person from their behaviour. So one vision is to consider that everybody, whatever they are doing, everything is good. No, there are objective things which are bad also.
But another is to think that one is to think that we should make no evaluations and the other is to label the person based on the evaluations. We can have a more balanced approach where we do recognise that there are certain things which are favourable for our growth, some things which are unfavourable for our growth. But we understand that everybody at their core is pure but their present way of functioning may be unhelpful for me.
So I may keep a distance from them. So by separating the present level of the person from their spiritual core, we can evaluate without becoming judgemental. Any other questions? What could be some tactics to stop being resentful towards people? It works at three levels.
If you consider any interaction with anyone, that is I, the other person, and there is an interaction between us. Now we have to see what is the cause of the resentment. And based on that we will have to appropriately deal with it.
So some people just can’t get along with some people. That’s the way people are. So that doesn’t mean that they have to be mortal enemies of each other.
But sometimes two people, if they have a certain level of incompatibility, they may just need some distance. Now when we come too close to each other, the friction happens. We keep some level of distance, then we can function.
This is saying that good fences make good neighbours. So this mango has grown, this apple has grown in my house. No, it’s in my courtyard.
So both of them can start fighting. There is a clearly demarcated border. No, this is in my courtyard.
Fine. Sometimes by dealing with some people where there is a certain level of difference or incompatibility, just having a proper defined fence, that can help. Some people we need to, so there is a lot of incompatibility, then we may decide that I’ll not interact so often or I’ll interact in a more formal setting or we’ll keep it not so intimate.
See, when interactions hurt is when we have expectations from others and they don’t live up to the expectations. If I meet someone and I expect that person to give me a hug and instead that person gives me a punch. What happened? So, but if I know this person is inimical to me, then I’ll not get so close to either be hugged or punched.
Isn’t it? It’s when we expect affection and then we get apathy or we get antipathy, then we feel very resentful. Sometimes we just have to change the expectation. This is the distance at which I will be and this is how I interact.
Then the resentment can be avoided. The second is sometimes it just with respect to, so this is with respect to that person is like that, I am like this, things can’t be changed. Just keep some distance.
So that could be one way of dealing with it. The second is that sometimes under certain situations interactions become explosive. Interactions become negative.
We all go through different phases in our life and we all come under pressure. So if we know that there are certain situations when people are likely to behave in unreasonable ways, so then it’s best not to confront them at that time. So we can try to decide when the interaction takes place.
Sometimes when people are doing something wrong, we have to confront. But what happens if we don’t plan the confrontation, usually we think of our emotions in two ways. This I am going to talk elaborately in the next session.
We usually think of either expressing our emotions or repressing our emotions. I am angry at someone and I just blast at that person. Or I just repress my emotions internally.
Actually both are unhealthy. But there is a third option. Beyond expressing our emotions and repressing our emotions is processing our emotions.
So with respect to interaction relationship, processing is very important. So if I recognise I am angry and I have reason to be angry. At this particular point, maybe after a long day’s work somebody has come and they are exhausted and at that time I start accusing them or I start hurling allegations at them.
Even if what I am speaking is genuine. It’s true. So they are likely to explore.
So maybe we plan in such a way. Tell them that this is the time we have to talk something important. Plan the interaction properly.
Then the unhealthy or the provocative reactions coming probability is lesser. So we plan the interaction that can also help. The third aspect is with respect to we ourselves.
Sometimes we may have to just recognise that I have to toughen myself. This person is just the way they are. And sometimes it may not be possible to create a distance.
There is a difference between being insensitive and being desensitised. What is the difference? That say, suppose I have got some paralysis or something over here. I am desensitised.
And somebody taps me on the shoulder. I don’t turn only. Tapping, tapping, tapping.
How rude you are. I won’t talk with you. Tap, tap, tap.
I don’t sense it only. So then we have to It’s not that they are insensitive. They don’t care for us.
They are not sensing it. So then you tap somewhere. Oh, what happened? Okay.
I will notice it. Sometimes some people may do something which just annoys us, which aggravates us. But that’s often because that is important for that is, that particular thing is important for us, but that is not important for them.
So all of us, based on our upbringing, our education, our inclination, we all find certain things important. Say for example, for some of us, cleanliness may be very important. For some people, they just come to a room and they five minutes in the room and it appears as if a volcano has erupted over there.
What did it do? And then they don’t even notice. Oh, really? It’s unclear. I didn’t even notice.
So it’s not that they are doing it to irritate us. But it’s just that the way they are. We will have to deal with it properly.
But it’s like, what happens is when they do something which irritates us, we think that they are doing it to irritate me. But they are not doing it because of that. It’s just that they are not insensitive.
They are desensitised. Just don’t think about it. I am an author, so I like to write and spell things carefully.
In India, for most people, English is a second language. So many times the punctuation, the spellings, they are atrociously wrong. So anytime I go into a room, the first thing I do is look at all spellings.
And sometimes I tell somebody, the spelling is wrong. Nobody notices. Why are you noticing? So I get irritated by that.
But over a period of time I recognise that it’s not important for other people. So sometimes we just have to if it is important for me, then I may have to change it. To expect others to change may not work.
So it’s not that when we are becoming resentful, it’s not that they are deliberately doing it. It’s just that we are sensitive towards something which they are desensitised to. So then either we have to consciously communicate and explain to them what is wrong and why this is important for us.
Otherwise we may ask them to take the steps to take care of it. So beyond that, there is another aspect which I will be talking more in the next session. You know, we have horizontal relationships in the world with each other and we have a vertical relationship with our source.
Source is known by different names in different traditions. We refer to him by the name Krishna. So actually we all need the shelter of a vertical relationship.
If we don’t have that shelter of a vertical relationship, the horizontal relationship will agitate us too much. So to the extent we are internally connected to our source through the process of bhakti yoga, internally we are sheltered, then we don’t feel rejected or lonely or unworthy. We feel emotionally internally sheltered.
So once that vertical shelter is strong, then in the horizontal relationships even if there are ups and downs, we can deal with them. We will still be agitated, we will still be hurt, but the magnitude will be much lesser. We will be able to deal with it much more calmly because we don’t feel personally rejected or isolated by that because we are spiritually connected.
Okay? One more question? Two more questions. Okay. That’s good.
So when I talk about protecting our consciousness, what does it actually mean? Our consciousness is our most fundamental resource. Whatever we wish to do, we need our consciousness to do it. Whether it is to study, whether it is to work, whether it is to have some loving relationship with anyone, whether it is to play, whatever it is.
If we are not conscious, we can’t do anything. If sports which I like is going on, but if I’m distracted, I can’t enjoy that sports. So our consciousness is our fundamental resource which we need for doing anything in our life.
And this resource, because it is so important for us, for everything, it needs to be protected. That means, just like if I have my body, if I know that certain food items, if I eat them, then they have an unhealthy effect on me. So then I’ll try to avoid those food items.
If I am say vulnerable to cold, then I may decide to avoid cold drinks or other such items which aggravate my respiratory tract. So we have to know our body and accordingly we avoid the foods which hurt us. And we take the foods which are good for us.
So similarly for our consciousness, there are different kinds of inputs which come in. So if we are not careful about what kinds of inputs we take in, we may end up becoming unnecessarily agitated or pessimistic. One example today is that when I first came to America 2-2.5 years ago, one of my friends called me.
He lives in a rural place. He told me, I heard that many planes get hijacked. Do you really want to go to America? What if you get hijacked? So now, so now, actually speaking statistically, if you see the number of casualties because of road accidents is more than because of the flights.
But often the flight accidents, they are what get more news coverage. So bad things always happen in the world. But today because of the interconnectedness because of the net, we get to know of bad things happening all over the world.
And that’s why we may get too much negativity. We think the world is such a terrible place. Well, there have been problems in the world all the time.
But if I tend to get very pessimistic because of reading news of violence here, disaster here, then I may have to decide, do I really need to read all this? Now, it’s not that we should stay ignorant, but we have a purpose in our life. And if that purpose is being impeded by reading about all the negative things in life, and that is happening in different parts of the world, then better not. Better not read about that.
Same way with our interactions, our relationships. Some people just like to talk about the negative of others. They just like to gossip.
This person did this, this person did this, this person did that. Now, how helpful is that for us? So, we have to see. For some people, they talk about others negatively and it doesn’t stay in their mind.
They just talk about it and then it just goes on. But if we hear something bad about someone, then while we’re interacting with them, that’s always there in our mind. It impedes us in our functioning.
So, we have to find out what our consciousness gets hooked on to, gets glued to. And if that is not healthy, then that kind of perception we may have to minimise. Let me complete this.
So, basically, if we could protect ourselves, we find out what it is that we are attached to, what we get agitated by, and try to minimise that. We may not be able to eliminate it entirely. But at least if we are aware, we can either avoid it or minimise it.
It’s basically another example. If I know a particular road is bumpy, then, if possible, I’ll try to take another road. Or at least when I’m going on that road, I’ll go slowly, so that I won’t get heavily jolted.
So, like that, if we know that certain stimuli agitate our mind, they contaminate our consciousness, then we can either avoid those stimuli or minimise our exposure to them. That way, we can protect our consciousness. So, your question was that if there’s a family member who is gossipy or who always talks negatively about others, then what do we do? Yeah, exactly.
That’s true. Yeah, that’s true. Yeah, in that situation, it’s quite difficult.
Now, generally, if we tell people not to talk, it becomes very difficult. They’re not ready to listen. But, you know, often conversation requires the art of diversion.
So, when a conversation is going in a particular direction, we may always stop it, but we can divert it. And generally, if there are some people with whom we need to talk, then everybody likes to talk about themselves. So, if they’re finding faults with someone and we tell them don’t find faults, they will not agree.
But if you ask them some questions about themselves, they’ll be happy to talk about themselves. So, people who like to find faults with others like to talk good about themselves also. So, that’s one thing which we could do.
By which, basically, we need to divert. But more importantly, if at the appropriate times, because, you know, people who find faults with others, speak negative about others, they themselves are not very happy people also. Because that negativity doesn’t just affect others, it affects them also.
So, at the appropriate times, when maybe they’re in a more reflective mood or in a more understanding mood, if we try to give a more balanced perspective, not in a confrontational mood, but just in an assisting mood, then it may go, I didn’t know this about this person. They were telling this person did like this, this person did like that. But then we help them see another perspective.
Some people are conditioned in a particular way. We don’t know what a person has gone through. Sometimes some people may have been brought up in a family or in an environment where everybody was negative.
And that’s why they have become negative. But if we try to give a positive example to them, if we judge them and condemn them for the negativity, that is perpetuated. Then they will become defensive.
If we just passively submit to it, then that will aggravate it. But if we intelligently divert it and then intelligently give them an alternative perspective, things can change. You had one more question? You said you had two more questions, that’s why I wondered.
Oh, two-part question. Okay, fine.