Self-destruction strategies 2 – Be a perfectionist

Seminar at ISKCON. Seshadripuram, Bangalore

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So, we continue our discussion on the strategies for self-destruction of how the mind acts to sabotage us and how we can counter that. So, yesterday we discussed one way in which the mind misleads us. What was that? Anyone remembers? Yeah, about our humility.
To mistake self-pity to the humility. So, I will continue with that today and the next way in which the mind misleads us and that is, let’s go behind, be a perfectionist. Perfectionism is often thought of as a very good thing.
If somebody is a perfectionist, whatever they do, they want to do it high class, top class and we live in a culture where the pursuit of excellence is very much praised and that is natural. When anybody is doing something very well, that is praiseworthy, whichever field it is in. But, when we see somebody doing something at a very high level of excellence, we often don’t see that they went through a long period of labour and mistakes till they came there.
So, somehow, when we start practising spiritual life, we think that, okay, now I am going to practise spiritual life, now I am going to follow some standards, I will follow those standards without any problems. I will be perfect in following these standards. But, life doesn’t work out like that.
So, quite often, we become discouraged not because there is something very seriously wrong in our life, but because we have created our own image of how we should be and when we can’t conform with that image, then we become discouraged. So, this is how this relates with yesterday’s topic is that we should not mistake self-pity to be humility. That was what we discussed yesterday.
But today we are discussing why we may get the feeling of self-pity at all. So, we may start feeling sorry for ourselves not necessarily because there is something seriously wrong with us, but rather, there is simply a serious mismatch between what we are and what we imagine we should be. And that makes us feel self-pity.
So, to avoid that, we have to not that we give up the quest for improving ourselves, but that we don’t avoid doing something just because we are not perfect at doing it. Not just because we are not good at doing it. We do it anyway.
I’ll talk about this a little bit more. Go ahead. So, the idea, mentality is if I can’t do it the best, then I won’t do it at all.
If there is Ekadashi, if I can’t fast Nirjal, then I will take three times a week. So, it is not necessarily like that. Spiritual life is that it is not that we have to be the first.
We simply have to put Krishna first. That means, whatever situation we are in, we try to serve Krishna, making him as higher priority as possible. We don’t have to be the best in any group.
We don’t have to be the first in any group. That is not required for us to move towards Krishna. At one level, the desire to be the best even in any field, it can very well actually be the desire to be God.
Because God ultimately is the best in everything. So, when we say I want to be the best in whatever I do, then I am simply striving to be God. So, there is a vehicle which is in the way.
Please immediately remove this car. This is CH-O0 4F 5739. This is a Logan car.
Please remove it. So, the quest for perfection is often the cause of enormous frustration. There is a difference between wanting to do something well but another thing is thinking that this is what I must do.
And if I can’t do it, I won’t do it at all. In Maharashtra, there is a famous saint Tukaram Maharaj and he has written a poem where he says that a swan can walk very gracefully. Other birds can’t walk that gracefully.
But just because they can’t walk that gracefully doesn’t mean that they don’t have any right to walk. An eagle can fly high into the sky. An eagle can fly very fast.
Other birds cannot fly that fast. But that doesn’t mean other birds don’t have a right to fly. A nightingale can sing very sweetly.
But that doesn’t… Very few other birds can sing that sweetly. But that doesn’t mean the other birds have to have a lifelong moratorium on speaking, on chirping. No.
They all have their innate capacities and according to that they walk, they fly, they sing. Similarly he says, O Lord, there are great saints who have glorified you with such beauty, such bhakti, such profuse emotion and intelligence. I cannot do that, O Lord.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a right to glorify. With whatever capacity I have, I will glorify you. So, the Bhagavatam also has this mood, yatha mati yatha smriti.
Now as much as my intelligence, whatever I have heard, whatever I have understood, I will speak that. And even whatever I have understood, all of that I may not remember also. So, among that, whatever I remember.
So, according to my capacity, I will speak. So, when we have this attitude of speaking according to our… of doing things according to our level, then by that we move forwards and we grow. Next.
So, spiritual growth is not digital. It is analogue. What… What that means is that it is not that, you know, if I am doing this, I am spiritually advanced.
If I am not doing this, I am useless. It’s not like digital logic, one zero. It is analogue.
We are at this level, move this level, slowly we move onwards, upward, upward, upwards. So, there is a gradual increment. It is… although we use the method of bhakti like an elevator which takes us very fast… very fast up and the other paths are like… like a staircase, we have to go slowly, laboriously.
But even the elevator, it is not that it just jumps from the first floor to the 10th floor. It also moves at its own pace, steadily. So, basically, in bhakti, we grow incrementally.
And this applies both to the devotion that we feel for Krishna and it also applies to the contribution that we are doing in our services to Krishna. When we start speaking about Krishna, initially, we may make mistakes, we may not present properly and some people may ask some questions which we will not be able to answer. We all go through this process and by that, we move onwards.
So, when we make a commitment that whether I get a high quality result or not a high quality result, I will continue doing this. Then that commitment becomes a connection. So, I am primarily a writer.
So, I can give an example from the world of writing. Basically, it is said that all, in every writer, there are two sides. You could say two voices.
There is the creative voice and there is the critical voice. The creative voice means that gives ideas. Maybe you can write about this.
Maybe you can present this like this. Maybe you can make these words rhyme like this. Maybe you can do like this.
So, the creative side is what allows ideas to emerge and to develop. And the creative side is extremely important. Because if the creative side is not there, then the writer will never be able to write anything.
Now, when I am talking about writers, this actually principle applies to all of us, almost everyone. Because we all have these two sides. But I am giving writing as a specific example before I move onwards to general application.
Now, the creative side produces quantity. Now, if I decide I am going to write for one hour every day, I sit down and write for one hour, even if I can type say 100 words in 5 minutes, then in one hour, I will have typed almost 1200 words, which is significant. Then, if I just write, if I just give when to my creative side, there is quantity.
But it is the critical side that brings quality. After I write something down, then I evaluate it. At this point and this point, they are not so well connected.
This sentence is not so well structured. This logic is not flowing nicely. So, then the critical side brings quality.
It brings order. It brings coherence. It brings strength.
So, for a good writer, both are required. The creative side and the critical side combined together. So, in a more familiar for us, say speaking.
Now, sometimes while speaking, some speakers ramble. Ramble means they just go from one point to another point to another point to another point and there is no connection. So, it is like whatever thoughts are coming in their brain, they are coming out.
Now, that is one kind of speaking. And if it is about Krishna, any kind of speaking, we can say it is purifying. But, if you want to make, if you want to communicate a particular point in a systematic way, especially if you want to educate people in some concepts, then there is a rambling kind of content is not very persuasive.
In fact, it is quite, it can be boring or even alienating. What are you talking? Come to the point. Speak something coherent.
So, that’s why most of us, if we have to speak on a formal occasion, then we don’t just go and sit on the chair and start speaking. We plan. Okay, I will speak this point, this point, this point.
And so, that organisation is the critical side. So, first of all, I need to have an idea what I am going to speak. So, the creative and the critical side, when both come together, then there is productivity.
The creative side brings quantity. The critical side brings quality. And when there is quantity and quality together in a balance, then there is productivity.
So, productivity is not just simply in terms of producing a lot, but productivity means it’s production with quality. So, now, in this situation, there are some writers in whom the creative side is very high. And there are some writers in whom the critical side is very high.
So, now, the writers in whom the creative side is very high, they write a lot. But then if we read it, we have to read 5, 10, 15 pages to find something important. Because a lot is just going round and round and round.
Now, on the other hand, the critical side is very high. Then what happens, I know several devotee authors who are, actually I know authors on both sides. So, those who have the critical side, they say that I cannot go to the second sentence unless the first sentence is perfect.
So, they will just go over the same sentence again and again. And in authorial circles, there is an anecdote of William Wordsworth. He said that, I spent my morning very productively today, working on my new poem.
After breakfast, I put a comma. Before lunch, I deleted the comma. So, sometimes there is a lot of critical side.
Should this be there? Should this not be there? So, if somebody is a professional writer dedicated to some kind of production which is going to be of world class, that is different. But in most cases, when a person has too strong a critical side, then they are not able to produce much. What they produce, that is very high quality.
It’s exquisite. But they can’t produce much. So, good authors need to have a balance of both.
Creativity and criticality. And when both is there together, then they can move forwards. So, about 4-5 years ago, I decided that, I always had an aspiration to write, even before I was introduced to bhakti.
But although I had the aspiration to write, I didn’t have any ideas to write. After I was introduced to bhakti, I had so much knowledge on which I could write. But then, although I had so much knowledge, somehow I was just not able to get down and write.
I just, maybe, at that time I felt that the critical side is too strong. And I would write something, maybe once a week I would write an article. I was writing in some newspapers and I was publishing.
But then in 2011, I decided that I will, I saw many, many bible authors who write a daily thought on the bible. And they send it to people. And even in India, I found out, I got a subscriber list of one of those bible authors.
It’s based in America. In India, there are literally thousands of Hindus who subscribe for it. They have no desire to convert to Christianity.
But just that they want some good thoughts to come to them daily. And, so, I asked several senior devotional leaders in our movement if anybody can write similarly on the bhagavad-gita. But everybody was too busy.
They all have their services. Then I took the blessing of senior devotees. I decided to start writing myself.
So, since then, I have started this Gita Day, which has been going on for five years. And, what happened is, I also used to write an article once a week or once a fortnight at another place. So, on my other side, spiritual scientist.
So, when I made a commitment that I am going to write every day one article, that has been going on for five years. But on the other hand, when I said, okay, whenever I get time, I will write on the other kind of articles. That, in the last five years, earlier, I might have been writing once a week.
Now, I write once a month. So, what I realised is, and once a month also I write because once a month I have to write for back to Godhead. So, what I realised is that, unless we make some commitment, we just don’t do things.
Now, it could be possible. So, Jaidurath Maharaj is like my writing guru. You know, whenever I have an issue, I consult him.
So, he told me that, if you decide to write every day, you will write 365 articles in a year, out of which 60 articles will be high class. Maybe 100-150 articles will be good. Maybe 100 articles will be something which you feel you should not have written.
But, you will have written 365 articles. On the other hand, if you decide you will write when you are inspired, you may write 10 or 15 or 20 articles in a year. They will be good, but there will be nothing more going on.
So, you have to decide. So, I found that, once we make a commitment that I am going to do this, sometimes when I read my own articles, I will say, this doesn’t make sense. This has to be put like this, this has to be put like this.
So, many authors, when they read their articles, writings again, it’s actually torture. It’s torture. This doesn’t make sense.
So, but still, they have come out. So, if we try to become perfectionists, then what happens? So, basically, we may become perfectionists, but the problem for us is we have so many distractions externally and internally that we need some sense of achievement of having done something. So, if we wait for perfection to do something, then during that period when we are labouring for perfection, we have nothing to show.
And then that discourages us and that makes us do nothing. Just give it up, the whole thing. So, once we start doing something, whether it is in a service, whether it is in a sadhana or whatever, just start doing something.
Even if it is not good, it doesn’t matter. Some level of connection is there, some level of contribution is there and from there it will grow. So, anything, sometimes you may feel that I want to also share Krishna’s message with others, but then I have not studied the philosophy enough.
I am not able to answer questions. So, I may not, I don’t know how I will do. So, you think maybe I will study more, maybe I will study more, I will study more.
And what happens? Practically years and years go on and then sometimes some young devotees come and then they start preaching and you think, hey, he is so audacious, he is so young, why is he preaching like this? But it’s not like that. We also have a possibility. So, we don’t have to wait for some imagined standard of perfection before we start doing some service.
Of course, we should see, it’s not that everybody has to preach. It’s not that everybody has to do any particular kind of service. But the point is, service should not wait for any perfection.
Now, there are some official forums where if we are presenting, then we should have a certain level of quality. Let me say, if there is a temple programme where hundreds or thousands of people are coming, then we should have a devotee who sings nicely over there. But if it’s a small programme where people are not really coming for just the music sake, it’s just we are doing some people, even if not very good singers, we sing and take things forward.
So, if we see the way Prabhupada started his preaching, Prabhupada was eminently pragmatic. Pragmatic means wisely practical. You know, wisely practical.
He did not wait. If he had waited for some very pure, learned, dedicated people to come, pure learned people to come to him, he would not have been able to start the movement. The kind of people who came to him, actually speaking, it is remarkable.
Now, if we see from the Vedic perspective, from the Bhakti perspective, the West itself is degraded. But the hippies were degraded even from the West’s perspective. So, they were considered you know, they lost their lives, they are wasting their lives, ruining their lives.
So, people who were considered degraded, why they degraded? No. Prabhupada took them and he engaged them in service. So, Prabhupada did not wait for perfection.
He just did what he could with what he had. And that is actually one aspect of surrender. Surrender means to do what we can with what we have now.
Surrender means sometimes we surrender, we just raise our hands and just surrender to Krishna. Yes, that is one aspect of surrender. And that is what normally comes in our hands, Draupadi raising her hands, helplessly calling out and surrendering.
But if we look at the Bhagavad Gita, what do we see? Krishna tells Arjuna at the end of the Bhagavad Gita, Sarva-dharmam tarittajya maanekam sharanam vraja. Say surrender to me. And Arjuna surrenders.
18.66 Krishna is telling Arjuna surrender to me, sharanam vraja. And 18.73 Arjuna is saying karishye vachanam tava. I will do your will.
That means he surrendered. But after surrendering, what does Arjuna do? Arjuna does not raise his hands and surrender. What is the image which the Bhagavad Gita concludes? Yatra yogeshwara Krishna yatra partha dhanur dhara.
Dhanur dhara means Arjuna at the end of the first chapter, it is described visrujya sasaram chaapam shokasam vignam alasa. In 1.46 it is said that being dejected he put aside his bow. He gave up his will to fight.
But at the end, he picked up his bow and he was ready to fight. That means for Arjuna, he surrendered to Krishna. But the way he surrendered was by raising his bow and becoming determined to fight.
So surrender is not a stereotype. Surrender doesn’t mean just go in front of Krishna and fold my hands or just raise my hands. Now surrender can also be determination to act.
So surrender means, for Prabhupada what was his surrender to Krishna? Prabhupada had no money, he had no institutional support, he had no followers and still he surrendered means he went to America. Guruji had told him. At an old age he went.
So surrender means to do what we can with what we have now. So I have a certain ability, I have a certain forum. It’s a small ability, it’s a small forum but I start off.
Right now I do what I can. And in that way when we start doing small small things we move onwards, we improve. And even if we never make any big contribution that is visible to the world, even the small services that we are doing, Krishna appreciates that.
You know the famous story in Ram Leela of Hanuman, he was carrying big big mountains, big big boulders and the squirrel was talking to him in some small dust particles. But in Ram’s eyes both their contributions were equally valuable. Why? Because as I said, both were putting the Lord first.
Now what Hanuman was doing in terms of external contribution was much more. But both were according to their capacity trying to do their best. And that is what is important.
So if we have this idea of that I have to become perfect in something then the result of that is we make ourselves discouraged. We start feeling sorry for ourselves. And where do we get our idea of perfection from? We may see some other person.
Oh they do this thing so well. Sometimes some devotees give classes and they quote so many shlokas and they sing the shlokas so sweetly. And then other people start thinking if I have to preach you have to memorise shlokas.
And then they think maybe I’ll never preach you. So no we don’t have. Sometimes we acquire some idea of what is perfect from some source but that is not necessary the idea of perfection.
For perfection, for Krishna the perfection is more in intention than in execution. For Krishna the perfection is more in intention. What is our intention? If we are trying to serve him as we have the famous verse in 9.26. So he is saying even if you offer a leaf, a flower, a fruit or even a little water it is with bhakti I am excited.
So what Krishna is looking for here is the intention. So for Krishna the perfection is in intention not in execution. As far as execution is concerned the flower, fruit is not a big offer.
So whatever we can do according to our capacity we do that. In that way we express our intention to serve Krishna. And that’s how if we just focus on this point.
I will not make my service or my bhakti conditional to perfection. Whether I am perfect or not I will continue practising bhakti. And this applies even to our spiritual standards.
We may sometimes decide to follow a particular standard but we slip and fall. And it doesn’t matter. I will talk about that in the next point if we come to it today or tomorrow otherwise.
When we are not able to follow certain standards then we feel guilty. How to deal with that? I will talk about that. But right now the point is no matter whatever service we are doing we don’t have to wait for perfection.
In certain official forums if people are doing services say somebody has given a big class or lead a big programme, kirtans then maybe certain devotees have certain level of excellence. They should be allowed to do that. They should be encouraged to do that.
Because what happens at that time because a large number of people are coming and we would like to give them a positive impression of Krishna Bhakti. But in our own small forums we don’t have to stop the service of Krishna just because we are not perfect in some way. And by taking small small steps forward as we keep doing small small things by each small step two things are happening.
We are contributing in some small way that actually speaking at present the situation is there is so much ignorance in Kaliyuga. Actually ignorance is not the problem. In Kaliyuga the problem is bigger.
The problem is not ignorance. The problem is ignorance of ignorance. That means not only are people ignorant they are also ignorant that they are ignorant.
What are we supposed to do in life? I want to get a big job. I want to go to America. I want to go here.
I want to do this. And I think their life plan is very clear for them. They don’t know anything about any higher purpose in life.
So if somebody is blind and they are walking along the road and they are not able to walk along we may help them. But if somebody is blind and they don’t even know they are blind then what happens? They don’t even seek help. They may bump into someone.
They may crash into someone. They may stampede or stamp on someone. But they are just moving along.
So like that in Kaliyuga there is not only ignorance there is ignorance of ignorance. And because of this ignorance of ignorance people just go along doing whatever they want to do and they are not happy. Although they may be seeming to be especially wherever there is prosperity that has come up.
In the western world there is prosperity. Even in westernised cities in India relatively speaking there is prosperity. That prosperity brings comfort.
But without the spiritual dimension of their lives people will be comfortably miserable. Lot of comfort will be there but along with that physical comfort there is stress, there is tension there is depression people are miserable. So at this stage spiritual knowledge is very much needed.
Spiritual culture, spiritual message is needed. According to our capacity we do whatever service we can and we try to share Krishna and Vishnu with others. And in that way we will be making a tangible contribution, valuable contribution.
It’s like suppose there is a big epidemic at that time somebody has to go and give the medicine to the sick people. Now ideally speaking there are trained medical professionals who can see the symptoms and properly administer the medicine. But if that sort of professionals are very short or not enough in number then whoever knows a little bit they can go and do the medicines.
And actually speaking if we start sharing Krishna’s message sometimes we will be rebuffed but other times we will find that when we share Krishna’s message sometimes people take it very seriously. You know I never knew this, this is so important. And by their taking it seriously we start taking it seriously.
Because initially when we come to bhakti there is quick transformation that happens. Maybe our habits change, our dress changes, our lifestyle changes. But afterwards the change starts becoming more subtle and gradual.
Sometimes we may start feeling that the change is not happening only. That is a thing I will discuss later more again. But the point is when we see some visible change happening in people by the practise of bhakti that can inspire us also.
It’s like a person who goes to a sick person and gives a medicine. And they may think oh I have travelled so much through so much crowd and I came here and it was so troublesome. But then they see a person who is sick and they take the medicine and they feel better.
They feel it’s worthwhile. So by just trying to share Krishna’s message according to capacity by sharing I don’t just mean giving classes in whatever way we can then we will find that we will become enlivened in bhakti. And in this way we will progress towards perfection.
So rather than making bhakti a condition to a certain level of perfection just take small small steps and we will move towards perfection that way. So I will summarise then you can have question and answer. I started by talking about how when we try to be perfectionist that means we feel that if I don’t do it the best then why should I do it.
And this attitude comes because in one sense we all want to be God. God is perfect and we all want to be perfect. And we are trying to serve God but in serving God we are trying to become God in a subtle way.
So we don’t have to think that I have to be perfect. I just have to do the best that I can. Or whatever I can in my situation.
And Krishna doesn’t see whether we are coming first in the group. Krishna sees that in our situation in our consciousness whether we are putting him first. And we put him first our capacity will be small our capacity will be big we do what we can.
So that is spiritual growth is not digital it is analogue. Gradual elevation is there. Incremental growth is there.
And I gave the example of how among authors and in general everyone we have a creative side which inspires us to do things and a critical side which evaluates. Is it good? Is it worthwhile? Is it quality? So both are required. The creativity brings quantity the criticality brings quality.
So both are required but both have to be balanced. The criticality becomes too much then we become unproductive and when we become unproductive then we go to the zone of self-pity. I can’t do anything.
I won’t do anything. It is not that I can’t do anything. It is that I can’t do anything of a particular standard which I have only set for myself.
So I can still do something. And thus by starting off and doing this Prabhupada was not a perfectionist. Whatever he had he used in Krishna’s service and he moved on.
Surrender means to do what we can with what we have now. Surrender is not just raising our hands and helplessly calling out to Krishna. Surrender also means like Arjuna picking up the bow and being ready to fight.
That is doing what we can in our situation. So this way when we try to take small small steps many things happen. Krishna notices even the small small steps like he noticed for Lord Ram noticed for the squirrel and there is so much emergency in Kalinga that even small sharing of knowledge can actually benefit people and can help them come closer to Krishna.
And when we see their change that can inspire us also. So rather than making our bhakti conditional to perfection we just take small small steps according to capacity and we move closer to Krishna. So are there any questions, comments about this? Yes madam.
Please be seated. Yeah. Okay.
Good question. Yeah. So although we should not strive for perfection shouldn’t we at least strive to do the best that we can? Otherwise we may become casual.
Yes this is a often there is a chalta hai attitude. You know as everything goes. No that is definitely a problem.
See the when we talk about any principle any principle can be taken to a extreme. It can be this extreme or that extreme. So here when we are talking about we should not strive for perfection that doesn’t mean that we become careless or pathetic about the quality of what we are doing.
No that is we do the best that we can but even if our best does not meet a particular standard of the best we don’t stop doing the service. So if we have if we have a chalta hai attitude and just do things casually then actually we are not putting Krishna first. We may not be the first in a group but at least we have to put Krishna first.
Put Krishna first means what? When I am doing something I put other thoughts aside and try to do it as well as I can. Put Krishna first. If I am doing the service let me think how I can do it to the best of my capacity.
That is definitely required. And to the extent we do that to the extent we show our sincerity to Krishna. If we are taking something very casually then that means we are not really serious about it.
So that also is a statement. That means there is a difference between perfection which is imagined according to some standard whereas there is excellence or there is good quality according to capacity. So according to capacity we definitely need to strive to do things as well as we can.
And not doing that is a sign of lack of sincerity. Does that answer the question? Any other questions?