Self-pity humility and maturity explained – Bhagavad-gita 18.35

[Congregation program at Calgary, Canada]

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This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
but the Gita wisdom is not.
Thank you for coming today morning. And I’ll speak today on the topic of self-pity, humility and maturity. So I’ll speak on the Bhagavad Gita, 18.35. This is Krishna is talking in the 18th chapter about the three modes of material nature and how various activities that we do are shaped by the modes.
So in 18.33 to 35, he talks about determination in the three modes. And there he says in the last verse in the section, 18.35, This is when a person is caught in daydreaming constantly, and constantly being fearful of things. Shokam means is always, Oh, you know, this went wrong.
That went wrong. That went wrong. That means one is always morose.
Madam is always intoxicated. Now, if you consider, there’s a common element in all of these is disconnection from reality. Generally, in the mode of passion, we perceive only material reality.
Look at a person. If they look very attractive, we think they must be a very nice person. They may be, they may not be.
Looks can be deceptive also. In material vision, in my mode of passion, we look only at the material side of people, at the externals. In mode of goodness, we see the material and spiritual properly.
But in the mode of ignorance, we don’t even see the material properly. It’s so lost in our own head. So Krishna says Swapna.
Swapna can mean dream. Here it means daydreaming. These people just lost in their fantasy world.
They plan, but they don’t do anything practical. So grand dreams people have sometimes, but no action. Then he said Bhayam.
Bhayam means future. This may go wrong. That may go wrong.
That may go wrong. That is, causes Bhaya. Then, then there is Shoka.
Shoka means great grief. Oh, no, this went wrong. That went wrong.
That went wrong. So many bad things happened to me in my life. Basically, daydreaming just means we are disconnected from the present material reality, leave alone spiritual reality.
And Bhaya and Shoka means we basically go off into the future or go back into the past. And then there is Vishad. Oh, you know, so many things went wrong in my life.
And so many things can go wrong in life. Life is so bad. One just becomes morose, extremely pessimistic.
And this way of living with so many negative emotions is not sustainable. So then to escape from that, Madhamevachar. One takes intoxication to forget it all, not wanting to face, not just the reality of life out there, but the negativity of the mind inside us.
Madhamevachar. And now none of these is actually pleasant. See, normally, if we had to eat food and if you had a choice to eat between delicious food and say bitter food or bad tasting food.
Now, if the bad tasting food was nutritious, say like we have bitter gourd curry, nutritious, although it doesn’t taste good. We would take it as a medicine or for health purposes. But if something neither tasted good nor was good for the health, then why would we eat such a thing? At a physical level, we will never eat things which neither taste good nor are good for health.
But at a mental level, often we take in thoughts which don’t feel good and they don’t even do any good to us. But that is the iron. So when I’m habitually pessimistic, this is wrong.
Now, things never work out. Everything is going to go wrong. People are going to disappoint me.
Life is terrible. Now, how does it help? It doesn’t help us. But somehow, in the mode of ignorance, we hold on to it.
That’s why Krishna says in the last third line of this verse, na vimunjati durmedha, na vimunjati. Munjati means to give up. Na vimunjati means one who never gives up.
Durmedha, their intelligence is terribly misdirected. And dhriti sa partha tamasi. This kind of dhriti, determination is in the mode of ignorance.
So determination is normally considered to be a good thing. That when we are determined, we can hold on to something important, even when it is very difficult or painful to hold on to it. But if somebody is holding on to something which is not serving any purpose, and that hurts them.
If somebody has fallen into a well, and to come out of the well, they have to hold on to the rope. But the rope is sharp and it is causing bleeding in their hands. But still they have to hold on to it because that’s the only way they will get out of it.
But if somebody is in a normal house and they are holding on tightly to a rope which is cutting them, you say this is stupid. Why are you doing that? But the mind makes us do such a thing. And this, Krishna says, is determination in the mode of ignorance.
So then if we had to ourselves cook food, we wouldn’t cook food which tastes terrible. But if we consider our own mind like a kitchen, you know, in the mind which is a kitchen, we often produce thoughts which make us miserable. And yes, there are problems out there in the world, but our mind makes things worse.
So our mind makes the problems grow much, much more than what they need to be. So this kind of self-hurting thinking is called as determination in the mode of ignorance. So with this understanding of the mode of ignorance and how it can mislead us, let’s look at two concepts that can be very easily misunderstood when we are trying to practise bhakti.
In bhakti, we are told to cultivate humility. And humility can easily be mistaken or be confused with self-pity. So actually, humility is a result of the mode of goodness.
Humility, of course, can come above goodness also from transcendence. But self-pity comes from the mode of ignorance. Now from the external perspective, the mode of goodness and the mode of ignorance can appear very similar.
Why? Because yesterday I mentioned that in goodness, there is contemplation before action. What about passion? Action before contemplation. And ignorance? Neither action nor contemplation, yes.
So because of this, now from the external perspective, if you see in both in goodness and ignorance, there is not much action. But what is going on internally is very different. Say a person may be sitting very attentively and hearing a talk.
Or they may be sitting very calmly and reading a book. That is in the mode of goodness. So although there is not much action externally, there is very directed thought internally.
But in the mode of ignorance, there is no action externally. And if there is no directed thought, rather the mind is directing the thought. That means the mind is, wherever the mind wants to direct the thoughts, our thoughts are going in that direction.
So instead of redirecting our thoughts, the mind is directing our thoughts. It’s like, say, if suppose somebody reported some incident about us, say we had gone somewhere to a picnic somewhere, outing somewhere, and somebody wrote an article about that. And they wrote, we did this, we did this.
And if they had reported inaccurately, I didn’t say that, I didn’t do that. You correct it. So if somebody is the author of something pertaining to us, then we would want it to be accurate.
And we would tell them to correct it if it was wrong. We wouldn’t give them the soul or the ultimate authority to decide what our life story is. Because it is our life story.
But unfortunately, with respect to our mind, it is our life. But we let the mind become the author of our life. That means whatever the mind feels, hey, think about this, watch this, touch this, do this.
Then we can let ourselves get carried away by that. So to understand how this mind functions and how it malfunctions, let’s consider a metaphor. The Bhagavad Gita says in the 15th chapter, 8th, 9th verses, that the mind is the integrator of the input from the senses.
śrotraṁ cakṣuḥ sparshanaṁ ca rasanaṁ grāṇam eva ca adhiṣṭhāya maniṣṭhāyaṁ viṣayān upasevate So śrotra, that is the, what is śrotra? Anyone knows? Ears. Cakṣuḥ is? Eyes. śrotraṁ cakṣuḥ sparshanaṁ Sparsha is? Touch.
Touch, yeah. Rasanaṁ. Face, tongue, yeah.
Grāṇaṁ. Smell, yeah. These five senses, the inputs come from all of them, and they are integrated into the mind.
I was recently at a devoted jeweller’s shop. It’s a high security establishment, but jewels are quite expensive. So he has his office on the first floor, the ground level of the shop.
So all the doors to that house, there are closed circuit TV cameras over there, and there’s a big screen in his office upstairs. And the input from all those cameras comes to that screen. So, okay, who is coming in from which door? Who is going out from what door? What is happening where? It all comes on that screen.
So we could say that the body has five doors, five for acquiring information and five for doing action. So the input from all those doors comes on the screen, that is the mind. And then the mind enables us to perceive the outer world.
But sometimes the mind, which is meant to act like a window to the outer world, a sophisticated window, which integrates into inputs from various directions. Instead of acting like that, the mind sometimes becomes like a TV screen. Suppose a person is security in charge, and as security in charge, they are looking at the screen to see who is coming in from where.
And suddenly, if some thief gets control of that screen’s remote control, and they change the screen to a TV, and the person starts watching the TV, and thieves come in and plunder everything. The person may not even notice that. So similarly, for us, at one moment, our mind may be like a window, which is showing us the outer world.
And the next moment, it becomes like a TV. It goes off into the past, it goes off into the future. It goes off in various directions.
And when it goes off in various directions, it just completely makes us malfunction. So this is called being absent-minded. The mind is not absent in absent-mindedness.
Rather, the mind is absent from where we are present. So the mind is the inner screen, instead of showing us the outer world, it has gone off into the future. It has gone off into the past.
And then we just can’t pursue things. Now, most of us have heard of the absent-minded professor. He takes out his specs, puts on his forehead, and he asks, where are my specs? Where are my specs? Searching everywhere.
So they’re so caught in their thoughts that they can’t sense the specs are there on their head. So similarly, for us, our mind goes off track. And then when they go off track, then the physical reality that is there around us, we don’t perceive it.
And the mind becomes like a TV screen showing various things. So when we are in the mode of ignorance, at that time, this TV screen, this window becomes a TV screen. And when it has become a TV screen, we just don’t even notice it.
Just get carried away by it. So say if a thief comes and takes control and changes it into a TV screen, and the person just keeps watching the TV. Keep watching the TV, keep watching the TV.
So like that, we are studying. And then suddenly some thought comes, you know, this friend said this. What did that mean by that? Did they mean like this? But if this happens, it will be like this.
This will be like that. This will be like that. And we just get lost in our thoughts.
Sometimes when somebody, we are talking with someone and suddenly they get lost, you know. Earth to you, earth to you, you know. Like they have gone to some other planet at that time.
Come back to earth now. We say that. So I’m talking about this, to talk about how now there is all of us, we need to plan for the future.
And we also need to learn from the past. So thinking about the past or thinking about the future is not a problem. It is many times essential.
But we should be in control. That means we should consciously, okay, let me take my inner screen to the future. If this happens, okay, I can do this.
If this happens, what can I do? I’ll have to think about it. If this happens, I can do A, B, C. This way, when we are in control, we consider the possibilities and prepare for them. But when the mind is in control, the mind just takes this, this, this, this, this.
And before we can deal with the problem or think of dealing with the problem, the mind immediately shows another worst case scenario, another terrible scenario, another terrible scenario. So it’s like the mind starts a horror movie inside us. And in this horror movie, we are not the spectators.
We are the victims. It’s all happening to us. We become terrified by that.
So applying this principle that the mind can go into the future or into the past, in ignorance, it takes us into the past. In goodness, we take it into the past and learn from the past. Okay, this happened.
I could have done this. It would have been better. I could have done this.
Maybe it would have been better. So applying this principle of who is in charge, we or the mind, let’s look at the difference between humility and self-pity, which is our topic. So in self-pity, the mind is in control.
And the mind starts looking at all the negativities that is happening. Oh, this person did like this. I tried like that doesn’t work out.
This always went wrong. That went wrong. So that makes us feel bad about ourselves, feel miserable, feel worthless, feel useless, feel helpless, feel hopeless.
And this way, we just feel like I can’t do anything in my life. So self-pity is a very disempowering feeling. Actually, when there is self-pity, it is not just inwardly directed.
Yes, we are inwardly directed. We are feeling sorry for ourselves. But we express that in order to gain some attention.
No, so many bad things happened to me. And then we tell that we expect other people. No, no, no.
We expect them to give us some attention, some comfort, some support. Some people become what you can call as hypochondriacs. They pretend to be sick because they want some attention.
Maybe in their childhood, the parents never give them attention unless they cry. So they grow up physically, but they don’t grow up psychologically. They think that even when I’m grown up, it’s only when I cry that I’ll get attention.
So now as adults, we may not cry with tears, but we pretend to be sick. So we pretend to be sick in order to gain attention. Now there can be genuine sickness and there can be pretended sickness.
So if somebody is genuinely sick, medicines can cure that person. But if somebody pretends to be sick, no amount of medicine can cure that person. Sometimes hypochondriacs and cheating doctors work together very well.
Nowadays, if in countries where there’s a lot of health insurance, so the patient doesn’t have to pay much. So if the hypochondriac pretends, I am sick, and doctor says, yes, yes, you’re sick. And both of them take medicine, the patient keeps getting the medicine, the doctor keeps getting money.
But actually, the patient is not going to get well by that. So basically, in self-pity, we feel bad about ourselves, and we want the world to come and solace us, to support us, to encourage us, to sympathise with us. Humility is actually very different.
In humility, the central point is that I am not the centre. I have something bigger than myself to focus on. And in self-pity, our thoughts get caught in ourselves.
Whereas, in humility, our thoughts are focused on something bigger than ourselves. That’s why we don’t need self-praise. Srila Prabhupada writes in 13th chapter, texts 8 to 12, which gives the 20 characteristics of knowledge.
अमानित्तमं दंभित्वं अहिम्साः शान्तिरार्जवं आचार्यो पासिनम् शाउचम् स्थैर्यम् आत्मविनेग्रहं So these 20 characteristics are given in these 5 verses. The first of them is अमानित्तमं and दंभित्वं. Humility and pridelessness.
So there Prabhupada writes in the purport that humility means to not be anxious, to have the satisfaction of being honoured by others. It’s a profound definition. To not be anxious, to have the satisfaction of being honoured by others.
So let’s try to analyse this. So Prabhupada is not saying that humility means that one should not be honoured by others. Our philosophy is अमानिना मानदिना.
We expect honour for others, for ourselves, but we give honour to others. That applies to me, that applies to others also, isn’t it? So on one side I am told not to expect any honour, but we are all told to give honour to each other. That means we will give honour to each other, isn’t it? So humility doesn’t mean that we should not be honoured.
That’s not the point of humility. The point of humility is that we should not be anxious with that expectation. That means when I’m interacting with someone, if my primary defining basis is how much is this person respecting me? And if that person doesn’t respect me, what is the point of interacting with this person? No, to not be anxious, to have the satisfaction of being honoured by others.
Sometimes when we are respected, we are honoured, we are appreciated, we will feel satisfied. So it’s not that we can somehow not feel satisfied. There may be exalted saints, I will talk about their consciousness a little later.
But when somebody speaks some appreciative words, we may feel satisfied. But we are not anxious for that. That is not our driving motive in doing things.
So another way to put this is that humility means to not let our ego come in the way of our purpose. To not let our ego come in the way of our purpose. If my purpose is, okay, I want to do this project, I want to do this service, then whatever it takes for that service, I’ll do that.
So if I’m going for book distribution, sometimes some people will appreciate, oh, you’re distributing such good books, thank you. Some people may just not even hear us. Some people may push us.
Some people may just incite us. But our purpose is to share Krishna’s message, as given by Shloka Prabhupada. So then, if somebody speaks nicely to us and they appreciate, oh, I read one of your books, these books are so good, please give me more.
And they appreciate, thank you for distributing these books. Naturally, we feel good at that time. Our service is being valued.
But that satisfaction is not our driving force. Satisfaction that the world honoured me. Our purpose is we want to serve Krishna.
So if we consider from a, let’s understand this from a more practical perspective. If we see Shloka Prabhupada, at one level, when he was in India, he was honoured much more than when he came to America. India had a traditional culture, where sadhus were respected.
Prabhupada could even in India, he could meet the President of India at that time. He could meet the Prime Minister of India and give his Bhagavatam. And he was not at that time a very big sadhu.
He was not even at that time big in the Gaudiya Vaishnava tradition. There are many other Acharyas of the Gaudiya Math, who were much more influential than him. But still, Prabhupada, at that time, India was so culturally pious, that Prabhupada was hosted by many wealthy people and they respected him.
In many places, people would wash his feet, would give him a nice food to eat, and they would hear katha from him. Comparatively speaking, when he came to America, actually, and especially in America also, he did not go to pious Hindus. At that time, there were not many pious Hindus in America.
Actually, America loosened its immigration laws just two months before Prabhupada came to America. If Prabhupada had come one year before, he would have to go back in two months. He had a two-month visa.
But because America in 1965, in June, had loosened its immigration laws, so Prabhupada could keep extending his two-month visa more and more and more and more. And eventually, when they said that you have extended too much, so Prabhupada had two disciples. So he told them that, you know, Swamiji, they are not extending your visa now.
Prabhupada said, you adopt me as your child. Prabhupada was the age of their grandfather. So Prabhupada was very sweet.
But then, by that time, Prabhupada had started doing a lot of work in transforming the hippies. So the government officials over there appreciated Bhaktiyan Swamiji’s work and they gave letters of support. That’s how Prabhupada got an extension for his visa.
But the point I am making over here is, when Prabhupada came to America, there were hardly many Indians at that time. And he went to the lower hillside to the hippies. The hippies, they had no culture of respecting a sadhu at all.
In fact, when Prabhupada would cook food for them, and for them, it was just like a hotel. So they would eat the food and they would go away. And Prabhupada would wash the plates of these hippies.
One of my friends, when we had gone to Jagannath Puri for the Rath Yatra, at that time, we were just going along the Rath Yatra, and suddenly rains came. So we went into the… There’s a Gaudiya Mutt premises over there. So we went there.
And there’s a sannyasi over there, Gaudiya Mutt sannyasi. So this devotee, he said, he was a young boy. He said, you know, can I serve? They were serving prasad to the sannyasi.
So can I serve prasad? So they asked, are you initiated? He said, no. So if you’re not initiated, you cannot serve prasad to a sannyasi. This was one standard over there.
We’re not using universal standard. But here, what to speak of Prabhupada in America, being served by initiated devotees, he was serving people who were initiated into sinful life, you could say. So Prabhupada had so much respect in India.
But in America, in a sense, he had no respect. But his purpose was to get people to Krishna. So he saw that in India, people were hearing him.
But for them, hearing him was just simply an act of religious piety. You know, yes, it’s our culture. Here’s a Bhagat Katha.
There was no spiritual urgency in their hearing. They were not considering that we have to apply this in our life or change our life. They were not interested in becoming sadhakas.
See, there is punya and there is bhakti. There is piety and there is spirituality. So Bhaktivedanta says piety means that people think, oh, life has many good and enjoyable parts.
And religion is one of them. So life has many good and enjoyable parts, out of which religion is one of them. So religion is seen as a, many times, a pious form of entertainment.
Many times people hear Bhagat Kathas. And when Bhagat Kathas happen, there’s a lot of music, a lot of drama, a lot of singing. And it’s good.
But sometimes it is just a very filmy kind of way, very entertainment kind of way. And people don’t get transformed by that. So that is, it’s good that people instead of going for movies or going for some obscene shows or anything like that, they are hearing Bhagat.
But that is not necessarily spiritually transformational. That’s simply a pious form of entertainment. But Prabhupada did not want that.
He wanted to spiritually transform people. So when he went from India to America, actually the respect that he was getting became much lesser. But his purpose was being served.
So humility means to not let our ego come in the way of our purpose. That if it is required for the service of Krishna, that we go to a place where we get no respect. We are ready to do that.
But later on when Prabhupada came back to India in the 1970s, the devotees had organised a programme for him in Jaipur. And Prabhupada came, the two Mataji disciples of Prabhupada, they had gone to Jaipur to get some DTs. And they would do kirtan in Radha Govind temple.
And the people there were very inspired to see this western Mataji doing kirtan so nicely. So they asked, what can we do for you? So they told him that get a, arrange a programme for our spiritual master here. So Prabhupada was very proud.
You see, our Mataji disciples have also organised a big programme now. Girls in our movement have done this. He was very proud of that.
But then when they came there, they had printed the pamphlet of Shri Prabhupada. Bhaktivedanta Swami with his foreign disciples. So Prabhupada said, why foreign? He said, write American and British disciples.
American disciples, Prabhupada said. Now you may say, what is the need of writing American? Now foreign can be anywhere. It can be African.
It can be an Arctic. It can be anywhere in the world. Indians are attracted by America.
Indians are attracted by the West. So now Prabhupada, now he did not want, was it that he wanted everybody should know I have got American disciples? No, that was not the point. But his point was that Indians are attracted by Americans.
So then they think, oh, this Swami is American disciple. There must be something special in this Swami. Come for that.
So if for his purpose, one needs to be praised, one needs to be glorified, a devotee can accept that also. So for the purpose, for fulfilling one’s purpose, if one has to go into a situation where one is neglected or disrespected, a devotee accepts that. But if for one’s service, one has to put oneself, or you can say almost promote oneself, so that one can do the service properly, then a devotee will do that also.
So the essence of humility is that we are focused on something bigger than ourselves. We are focused on Krishna and his service. And whatever it takes, we are ready for that.
But self-pity means we are focused on ourselves and we want more and more attention for ourselves. So we could say self-pity is actually a distorted form of false ego. In false ego, I want to be glorified.
No, I’ve done this, I’ve done that, I’ve done that. I want to be praised and recognised and given attention for how good I am. In self-pity, I want praise and attention for how distressed I am.
Oh, I’m in so much trouble. I’m in so much misery. In both cases, I want to be the centre of attention.
And whereas in humility, I understand that I’m not that important. I want Krishna to be the centre of attention. I want the service to be the centre of attention.
So basically, when our thoughts get locked in ourselves and we become the centre of our thoughts, then that is not humility. That is self-pity. So self-pity comes when we are in the mode of ignorance and we are neither able to think clearly nor act properly.
Just being dragged here and there by our mind. But humility comes in the mode of goodness when we have a clear purpose and we are not obsessed with how much honour I get or honour I don’t get. Focused on serving Krishna.
So now when we hear great devotees sometimes being glorified, or sorry, when we hear the expressions of humility of great devotees, like say, Bhaktivinoda Thakur says, आमार जीवन सदा पापे रहता। नाही को पुण्य रवेश। My life is filled with sin and there is no punya, no good activities in my life. Now, actually, if you look at his life, he is a very virtuous person. At one time, he was in a business where there were some corrupt dealings going on and his boss told him, this is the way the business is.
You also have to do this. But he said, I can’t do this. And he actually resigned from that job.
So he was a very virtual, upstanding, moral, high class citizen. Yet he is saying, I am filled with sin. There is no good in my life.
Now, this humility actually is coming from a very different reference point. Say, normally, if say we are on the ground, then we look, okay, this building is this tall, this building is this tall. If you say, I am five feet, oh, this person is six feet.
And this person is four and a half feet. This person is seven feet. This looks like a giant.
So when we are on the ground, we compare other things from our reference point. But if we are in the sky, in a plane, then whether it’s a five feet person or a seven feet person, it hardly makes any difference. Whether it’s a 10-story building or a 50-story building, it hardly makes much difference.
From there, they just appear very small. So similarly, exalted devotees, their consciousness itself high up in the sky. They are filled with the presence of Krishna.
And in the presence of Krishna, they feel that Krishna loves me so much. Krishna has given me so much that in return, what have I done? I haven’t done anything. So when they sense Krishna’s love, Krishna’s mercy, and they feel in reciprocation, what have I done? So in that light, they feel profound humility.
Now when Jagai, when Krishna’s Krishna says that, I am more fallen than Jagai and Madai, he says, then what is he saying? Actually, Jagai and Madai were so sinful. Krishna’s Kaviraj Goswami was very pure. But the point was that Krishna’s Kaviraj Goswami is thinking that Jagai and Madai never got… As soon as they got association with Lord Chaitanya, they transformed themselves.
I have been hearing about Lord Chaitanya for so long, but still my heart doesn’t have devotion to him. So when we sense the overwhelming flow of Krishna’s love and mercy in our life, and then we feel how inadequate is, how tiny, how puny is my reciprocation. That’s the time when we feel humility.
So that humility, we cannot artificially imitate. Because if we try to imitate that, we are not experiencing that overwhelming flow of love for Krishna. So once a devotee told Prabhupada, Prabhupada, I am the most fallen.
Prabhupada said, you are the most nothing. Another devotee told Prabhupada once that letter, Prabhupada, I am a very fallen soul. And Prabhupada said that, yes, I need many fallen souls like you to help me spread this Krishna Consciousness movement all over the world.
So where that fallen soul was an expression of simply self-centredness, I am the most fallen. Prabhupada did not appreciate that. But that fallen soul was such that, you know, I don’t, I’m not worthy, but you please engage me in service.
Prabhupada said, yes, then I want such souls. So basically, we can see humility essentially as lack of self-centredness. I don’t have so much qualification to serve Krishna, but somehow Krishna is very merciful to me.
I want to serve him. So in bhakti, we are never qualified. We are always unqualified.
Krishna is so pure, Krishna’s bhakti is so pure. We are not, we are unqualified, but we are never disqualified. Unqualified means that we don’t have the qualification to be there.
Disqualified means we are not allowed to be there. But it’s never like that. We are never disqualified.
Krishna says, everybody, no matter what be their background, they can practise bhakti and they can attain perfection. So for us, if we have the humility, that means I don’t have the qualification to do the service. But somehow by Krishna’s mercy, by devotees’ mercy, I’ve been given the opportunity.
So let me do this service the best that I can. So now, humility means acknowledging that I’m not qualified, but self-pity means just feeling sorry for ourselves and not doing anything practical. Humility means I focus is on the service.
I focus on doing the service as well as I can. And if somebody glorifies me, yes, I accept that Krishna is somehow using me to do some service. So let me give the service to Krishna.
Let me give the credit to Krishna. Now, maturity means to recognise the level that we are at and act accordingly. Sometimes we may, life may make us, beat us down one blow, second blow, third blow, fourth blow.
And that time we are feeling very depressed, we are feeling very glum, feeling very sorry. So at that time, we may need some support. We will need some encouragement.
We may just need a kind ear to hear, a shoulder to cry on. At that time, we need to recognise that this is my need. And I cannot artificially put it.
No, I’m not feeling this. I should not be feeling like this. No, if just as physical wounds are real, emotional wounds are also real.
If something we worked very hard to do and that failed, naturally, you’re going to feel bad about it. That’s going to hurt us internally. So if I understand that I’m hurt right now and I need help in healing.
So that, seeking that help in healing from a person whom we are close to, that is healthy. That is the way to recovery and health. So maturity means to understand our level and act according to our level.
One aspect of maturity also is that to understand that no one is obliged to fulfil our needs. Getting our needs fulfilled is our responsibility. A small child starts crying and child expects the whole world will come and feed me.
Expect the mother to come, the father to come. An adult, if the adult starts crying, well, someone may come, someone may come. Now, that doesn’t mean the adult is meant to cry.
But the adult, if the adult is hungry, the adult, okay, now I have to arrange for food. Maybe I have to take a job in a living or maybe I make some arrangements so I can get the food. So even when the child may feel bad, the adult will feel bad.
The child will feel hungry, the adult will feel hungry. The feeling is the same and it’s not that when we become adult, we transcend hunger. Hunger is still going to be there.
But the response to that is different. The child simply starts crying. Of course, you can say biologically, psychologically, the child is not developed enough to do anything.
But sometimes some people are children in adult bodies. Biologically, they have grown up. Psychologically, they are so young.
They’re just children. So then, when things go wrong, they just collapse completely. And they expect the world to come and solace them.
But the world is not made like that. That’s why I was at one place, one devotee, Mataji, she told me that after the class, you know, we said devotees are so loving, devotees are so kind. We experienced Krishna’s love through devotees.
She said, I had fallen sick and I thought devotees will come to me, give me some prasad, speak some Krishna Katha to me. But nobody came at all. I felt so disappointed.
So then I asked her, did you tell the devotees that you are sick? She said, no, I thought they should know. Well, how will they know? Devotees are not super souls. They are not present in the heart that they will know it.
So, if I have a need for attention, it is not that my need has to be neglected. But it is my responsibility to find out how that need can be fulfilled and to make the arrangement for that. So, sometimes if we don’t have this maturity, then we think I am being humble.
Oh, I’m sick. I don’t want to take any service from anyone. So, I’ll not tell anyone.
So, I think I’m being humble, but I need that help. And when nobody gives my help, I start blaming them. See, nobody cares for me.
Nobody loves me. So, the mind is so tricky that initially it makes us think you’re being humble, but then it has actually taken us into self-pity. So, if I’m hurt and I need to say, I need some sympathetic ear to hear, then I have to approach somebody who’s responsible, somebody who’s sensitive and ask them for some time and share my heart.
Goviyam akhyati puchyati is a limb of bhakti. We speak our heart in confidence and we hear others speak their heart in confidence. So, maturity means I understand that I have certain needs, but getting my needs fulfilled is my responsibility.
It is not somebody else’s responsibility. If we don’t have this maturity, we may neglect our needs in the name of humility. And then after that, we go into self-pity and blame others saying that you don’t care for me.
We have to actually take the responsibility for understanding our needs and getting them fulfilled. So, when we have this maturity, then we will know how to act at our level. Acting at our level means at our level, we, whatever service we do, we want to please Krishna.
But at the same time, we also need some reciprocation from others. So, if we do a particular service, say if we clean the temple, we want Krishna, Krishna has seen that Krishna will be pleased. But at the same time, whoever is in charge, we would like that they speak some few kind words like, oh, good service you have done, they appreciated it.
If we do some drama, if we do some training, at a human level, if we do some service, we want those who are in charge to appreciate. That is just a human need, that is not ego. And the devotee culture should be such that if anybody is doing some service, we should appreciate them for doing that service.
So, if we need that appreciation, and somehow the other person is not giving that, needing appreciation is not necessarily a lack of humility. It could be in a sense neediness, but some people need it more, some people need it less. For some people, oh, I’m doing this service, that’s important.
Some people, for them appreciation is like the fuel. Without the appreciation, their engine doesn’t run only. Now, if that is the case, then maybe that devotee has to tell maybe their counsellor or some senior devotees, that, you know, when you appreciate, I felt very encouraged.
And we don’t have to say, and you please appreciate me, but you can just tell him, please give me some feedback. So, you know, most often when people ask feedback, they’re asking appreciation. Not always.
But it can be both. You can give me some room for improvement. You can tell me what I did good, what I can do better in future.
So basically, we may need some human reciprocation. It’s we’re not machines, you know, you do the service and go home. So that human reciprocation, some people need it, some people may not need it so much.
Some people just like to be in their space. You tell me one thing, I’ll do it, I’ll do it. Now, don’t interfere with it.
So depending on whose need is what, that has to be taken care of. So it’s our responsibility to make sure that we make the arrangement for taking care of our needs. I’ll conclude with two examples.
And you can have some questions then. I was at one one devotee’s place. They were doing a programme for Westerners in America.
And those devotees worked very hard to organise a big programme for the spiritual master. And there were 50-60 western devotees had come, new people entirely. And after the programme, the spiritual master spent almost two and a half, three hours talking with all the people.
So the programme was from 8 to 9, 9.30. And after till almost 12, all the questions were answered. And then after that, these devotees, when the spiritual master was leaving, he said, Maharaj, we want to talk with you for some time. So then the spiritual master said, you know, I’m so tired.
It’s a long day. And I can’t talk no more. I’m very tired now.
And they felt so bad that we organised so much programme for you, but you don’t have any time for us. So I told them, you see from the spiritual master’s point of view, he’s spending two and a half hours talking with the people who have come for the programme you have organised. That is the way he’s expressing his appreciation for you.
Many times we do a programme and I have to talk for a few minutes and leave. He’s spending so much time. He could be spending that time anywhere else.
He could be answering emails or talking with other people. You are cultivating these people and he is actually showing his affection and appreciation for you by spending time with them. Now, from his perspective, he’s already spent two and a half hours.
It’s late in the night. And on top of that, you said, please give me more time. From his point of view, he said, how much are you demanding? I’ve already done so much.
But if you felt, if you felt a need that you want to talk with him, that you want to, you need some guidance, you need some inspiration, you need some encouragement for what you’re doing. Then right before the programme or after the programme, you can tell him in advance. Maharaj, we want to talk with you for 15-20 minutes about how we should carry forward this programme.
Then he will plan accordingly. So, because others can’t know our needs. From their perspective, they will say, I’m doing this for you.
But from my perspective, I don’t want that. I want this. But after they do that, other things beg for them and then you tell them that, you know, actually, I didn’t want this.
Say if you go to somebody’s house and they cook a big feast for us. And then, if we are not hungry at all and you say, actually, I just need to do some work. I need a good internet connection.
Oh, actually, we don’t have internet at your house. What? You don’t have internet? Well, if I need internet and I didn’t need prasad, I could have told them, don’t cook such a big prasad for me. Please arrange for this.
I have some urgent work to do. So it’s what happens is when expectations are not clarified, then actually the other person may be doing a lot for us. But we feel as if what I need is not being done.
And the other person feels, I’ve done so much. Why don’t you feel it valued? So clarifying expectations is what is required. And we can do it.
OK, I need this. That is not an act which is contrary to humility. It is actually also humility in the sense that I need this.
That means that I need to do the service and I have this particular nature. Because I need this. So we humbly express that need to the other person so that if they also have a service attitude, they can facilitate it.
So maturity has another aspect. Understanding that some people may not be able to satisfy certain needs. And then we have to stop expecting it from them.
Some people, they just have a particular nature. Some people, you know, you sit and talk with them. Just please spend some time.
Talk about what? They’re in the mood of fix it, you know. Give me this problem. I’ll fix this.
Give me that problem. Fix it. Give me that problem.
Fix it. So there’s one devotee I had. I’ve had many spiritual guides and counsellors in my life.
So one devotee told me if you have any problem, anything that you need to do, you come to me. And if you want anybody to hear your problems, go to that person. So he clarified it right at the beginning.
I’ll get things done for you, but I don’t have time to sit and hear from you. So sometimes different people are of different natures. And even sculptors, sculptors can change the shape of the statue, but they can’t change the structure of the stone.
The best sculptor can’t make marble into, can’t make sandstone into marble. So people have their own natures. And sometimes some aspects cannot be changed.
So some people are in that mode of fix it, fix it. If you tell them to do things, you know, they will run here, there and do the things for us. Tell them to sit and talk with me.
No, they’ll start looking at their watch. How long, how long? Even if you know, why can’t you sit and talk with me? And they said, I did so much for you. Why don’t you value that? So if we understand this point, that maturity means that not everybody will be able to do everything that we expect them to.
People can’t change their natures much. So then if I have a need for time and attention, then I have to find out who will provide that. So we may have a human need for a particular thing, but just because the other person can’t fulfil it, it doesn’t mean that other person is a bad person.
Or that doesn’t mean that I am an emotional and needy and clingy kind of person. It may be either way, but it doesn’t have to mean that. Then we have to find the right kind of people who will satisfy that need for us.
Bhaktivinoda Thakur says in the Jaiva Dharma, in the Chaitanya Shiksha Amrit, and Rupa Goswami also says this in the Bhakti Samachandu, that we need like-minded association. Not just association, but like-minded association. So when I was in India, I started writing articles.
So in India, the biggest newspaper is Times of India. And at that time, it has a spiritual column called Speaking Tree. So since my childhood, I used to read that column.
And it was my dream that I’ll write in one day. So then I started practising Krishna Bhakti. I started writing.
And then I wrote an article, submitted to them, and it got published. I was very happy. Then I came and told other brahmacharis, oh, my article was published in Speaking Tree.
So one brahmachari asked me, how is that tree speak? And I told several other devotees, nobody seemed to value it at all. They just couldn’t understand. I was so excited.
They couldn’t understand. Why are you so excited? It’s like sometimes we are excited about something and other person is like, what language are you talking? I wouldn’t say jealous. It’s just that they didn’t… Brahmachari life is often a very insular life.
And they don’t, many brahmacharis don’t even read newspapers. They don’t even know about Speaking Tree so much. So they didn’t even know about it.
But then, a few weeks after that, Jayadvait Maharaj had come to… I was in Pune at that time. He came to Pune. And then I just told him, Maharaj, I can talk with you.
And then I had published several articles by that time. So I had made a compilation and showed it. And he was so happy.
He said, this is wonderful. Prabhupada will be so pleased with you. He said, you should keep writing.
And not only that, I asked him, Maharaj, are there any books which I can read to learn writing? He gave me a long list of 50 books. At that time, it was 1990s, maybe 2000, early 2000. We didn’t have so much internet or Amazon or anything like that.
So I told Maharaj, these are all books by Western authors. I won’t be able to… Where will I get them from? Then within one week, within two weeks, actually, one senior brahmachari, the temple president of Chowpatty, he called me and I was in Pune. And he said, I was in America.
And Jayadvait Maharaj has sent those books for you. So Maharaj went to America. He went to shop, purchased all those books and sent it to me.
So I was so overwhelmed by that. So then it struck me that actually Jayadvait Maharaj, he’s an editor, he’s a writer and he values writing. But most devotees are not writers.
So they will not value that. So it struck me how important like-minded association is. So it’s not that devotees are unsympathetic, but just that everybody has their own priorities in their life.
And if I am writing for somebody whose writing is not a service at all, I can’t expect them to appreciate that. So rather than expecting appreciation for them, I had to focus on associating with those who will understand the value of my doing. And not just they’ll appreciate me, they’ll also give me suggestions of how to improve.
The fact that he sent me all those books for writing and learning the writing, one sense it means that my writing needed improvement. But even through that, I was able to feel valued by that. So in our own social circle also, if we have certain needs, maturity means understand that some people may not be able to satisfy these needs.
Now the devotee world is a big world. Today with internet, we can be connected with many, many people. And then we can find out the association that is like-minded.
And in that like-minded association, we will flourish in our devotion. We will find that devotion becomes not an austerity, but it becomes a joy. Because we can share our heart with each other as we march onwards towards Krishna.
So I’ll summarise. I spoke today about understanding humility, self-pity, humility and maturity. So I started by a mode of ignorance.
It means that we neither think nor act, just get lost in the mind. So determination in the mode of ignorance means that we keep thinking in ways that hurts us. It’s like cooking food that is foul.
It is eating food that tastes bitter and doesn’t even give good taste. So the mind is like an inner screen on which inputs from outside come in. But it’s inner screen and sometimes instead of being like a window, it becomes like a TV, which goes off into the future and shows a horror movie or goes off into the past and another shows a tragedy movie.
And this makes us feel sorry for ourselves. So self-pity means that the mind is in control and it makes us remember all the things that bad have happened and it makes us feel sorry for ourselves. And in goodness, we take the screen backwards to learn from the past.
But in ignorance, we simply lament the past. In goodness, we take the screen forward to prepare for the future. In ignorance, the screen just goes ahead and makes us filled with fear and worry.
So self-pity means that we are still its false ego, which wants attention not for how good we are, but for how miserable we are. So one expression of self-pity could be a hypochondria. People pretend to be sick.
And why do they pretend like this? Because in their childhood, they may have got attention only when they cried. So now also they seek attention by feeling sorry for themselves and telling the whole world about it. So humility is an entirely different ballgame.
Humility means there is no self-centredness. There is focus on what we want to do. Our humility means to not be anxious to have the satisfaction of being honoured by others.
Humility means to not let our ego come in the way of our purpose. Actually Prabhupada was being honoured in India as a sadhu, but it was cultural piety. But Prabhupada wanted spiritual urgency.
He went to America where he had to wash the plates of others. Something which was unconscionable for an Indian to do. But Prabhupada did that because the people were interested seriously in spirituality over there.
At least they had a spiritual spark. But when our service requires honour, a devotee may even seek it. Like Prabhupada told his disciples on the poster, don’t just write foreign disciples, write American disciples, American and British disciples.
So the focus is on the service and whatever is required for the service, we do that. For exalted devotees, they express profound humility which may seem like self-pity or which may seem like negativity, but it is because they are high up in the sky. And our frame of reference is just very different.
So when they feel flood of love coming from Krishna, they feel what I am doing is so little, then they express those feelings. When we don’t feel that flood of love from Krishna, for us to artificially speak those weak feelings would be unhealthy. Then with respect to health, that of maturity means to understand our level and act accordingly.
So one aspect of maturity is to know that nobody is obliged to fulfil my needs. Getting them fulfilled is my responsibility. A child cries and expects the world to take care.
But we understand that even if I am in distress, I need to find out who will take care, who will fulfil my need. So I have to find the right people, associate with them, make the right arrangements and then get my need fulfilled. Having a need and wanting the need to be fulfilled is not contrary to humility.
We may not get the need fulfilled, and then we will feel self-pity. But if it’s a need, we find out the right place where it gets fulfilled. So make the arrangement for that.
And humility also means to acknowledge that some people may not be able to fulfil certain needs. So we need like-minded people. People who are not writers may not appreciate writing, but that doesn’t mean nobody will appreciate.
So when we get the like-minded association, then we will get the appreciation, reciprocation, which will give us the juice to move forward in our bhakti. So when we get like-minded association, then our bhakti becomes joyful. Thank you very much.
So any questions or comments? Yes, please. Your brilliance is unbelievable. You’re a natural psychologist and also a natural someone who can build a sense of other sense of communicator.
You may have already addressed this, but I’ve always thought and contemplated that there’s a fine line between humility and sometimes self-low esteem. And that self-low esteem may be connected to self-pity. And on the other end of the scale, there seems to be a very fine line between pride and confidence.
Is there any truth to that? And can you elaborate a little bit more on that? Yes. How do we differentiate between humility and low self-esteem? Generally, low self-esteem or conversely, between confidence and pride. I would say the basic is the reference point, our conception of ourselves, that’s the foundation.
So in humility, the focus is not self-centredness. We could say low self-esteem is actually false ego frustrated. That means I want to be great, but somehow I don’t have the abilities to be great.
And that’s why I feel I’m worthless. So the desire to be great is there. But when that is not, when that I don’t have any means to fulfil that, then I get low self-esteem.
But in humility, we understand that, yes, I may have many deficiencies, I may have many limitations, but still I’m a part of Krishna and Krishna loves me. And that’s why I said that we may be unqualified, but we are not disqualified. So if you understand that, OK, Krishna has, Krishna, ultimately, whatever I am, Krishna, it’s Krishna’s, it’s part of Krishna’s plan.
So from where I am, whatever I can do, that is what I’m meant to do. So if we are conscious of Krishna, then we understand that Krishna accepts me even now. And whatever tiny things I can do, let me do it.
And Krishna will value that. There is a well-known story of the monkeys and the squirrel. So the monkey, when Lord Ram was building a bridge, the monkeys were doing big, they’re getting big, big stones.
The squirrel was just getting small pebbles, small dust particles, practically. The squirrel, although she was so small, she had her self-esteem, you could say. Because, yeah, I want to do this and I’m doing this.
Now, from the external point of view, the contribution might not be much, but Lord Ram appreciated that. So in one sense, humility means if I’m in a small position, the willingness to accept that is humility. Low self-esteem means that I think that because I don’t have this ability or that ability or that ability, therefore, I am useless.
In bhakti, we understand that I am useless without Krishna. But Krishna can put anyone and everyone to use. So therefore, if I connect myself with Krishna, then Krishna will do some good through me, despite whatever bad that might be there.
There is that story of there’s a gardener who had two pots and he would get water from a lake and he would take the water to the place where he had a garden. And one pot was leaking. And by the time he would reach the garden, that pot would be empty.
Other pot was filled. And he would use that pot for war for gardening. And this pot became very proud.
He says, you, you pot, you’re useless. You can’t even carry any water. But then the gardener was there and the gardener said, I’d actually just see this path.
This is on the right side of the left side of the path, because every day water was getting sprinkled on it. So beautiful lush vegetation had come over there. So although the pot was cracked, the gardener, he put that cracked pot also into good use.
So similarly, Krishna is like that. Some of us may have a lot of good qualities. They are like that good pot.
Some of us may be like the bad pot. But Krishna is so expert that he can even put the bad pot to use. So if our focus is on Krishna, then humility is focussing on Krishna.
But Krishna can even put me to good use. So let me just try to serve Krishna at who I am. Whatever ability I have, whatever I can do, let me serve Krishna.
But low self-esteem means I don’t see Krishna in the picture at all. I say, oh, my reference point is I am here. This person is here.
This person has this ability. This person has this strength. This person has this.
Oh, I have this problem. I have this problem. I have this problem.
So when the reference point is just I in comparison with others, then that can lead to low self-esteem. But if my reference point is that I am a part of Krishna and I acknowledge, OK, I cannot do what they can do. I cannot do what they can do.
But still, whatever I can do, let me do. And Krishna will use us in his service and will bring good out of us also. So if you become Krishna centred, then we won’t have that problem of low self-esteem.
But sometimes we are serving Krishna, but still our reference point is not Krishna. That means that I’m serving Krishna. I’m singing Krishna’s names.
But then I’m thinking, OK, when I do kirtan, how many people dance? And that person does kirtan. So many people are dancing. I give a class.
Only a few people come. That person. So many people come.
So many people come. And now we have social media. Oh, no, I am a devotee.
That person is a devotee. But I have only so few followers. This person has so many followers.
So we may be serving Krishna, but still our reference point may be very much in this world only. Then we may also start feeling inferior. So if we have low self-esteem, what do we do? If then we basically have to try to change our reference point and try to hear about how Krishna’s love is universal.
Krishna’s love is inclusive. And Krishna loves us not because of who we are. He loves us because of who he is.
That means we may have sometimes we say that, oh, this devotee is doing so much service. So Krishna must be loving that devotee. I’m not able to do any service, so Krishna doesn’t love me.
Krishna’s love is not based on who we are. It is based on who he is. He is surudham sarvabhutanaam.
He’s the well-wisher of all living beings. He’s present in the hearts of all living beings. When we understand this, Krishna’s love is universal, is all-embracing.
Yes, Krishna is also reciprocal. When somebody does more service, Krishna will naturally reciprocate. But that doesn’t mean that one who doesn’t do any service, Krishna doesn’t reciprocate.
Or one who can’t do any service, Krishna doesn’t reciprocate. Krishna reciprocates with them also. The way he reciprocates will be different.
So the more we become Krishna conscious, the less the problems of self-esteem will be there. Unfortunately, because we live in a very competitive society, so comparison is almost unavoidable. We can’t avoid, you know, I got this many marks, you got this many marks.
Oh, you got this grade, I got this grade. The devotees are across, I distribute this many books. Oh, you distribute so many books.
That will come up. But what we have to see is that Krishna sees not just the external results. Krishna sees also our consciousness.
Yes, the external results come, Krishna appreciates that. But more important for him is the consciousness. So it’s beautiful in the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna tells Arjuna that fight for me.
He says, raise your weapons and fight for me. Become an instrument in my fight. So earlier this is 11.33, in 2.47 Krishna says, don’t be attached to the results.
You offer the results to me. But here Krishna says in 11.33 that your enemies have already been killed by my arrangement. That means the result is already arranged by Krishna also.
So even the result is not ours to offer actually. We may say that results is for Krishna, but result is also arranged by Krishna. What is ours to offer is our heart, expressed through our endeavour.
So if we just do that, we will connect with Krishna. And all of us have by our past karma, certain abilities or certain inabilities, because of which we may or may not get recognition in the world. So recognition in the world will be determined by our abilities, which are a result of past karma.
But recognition by Krishna depends on our bhakti, which is in our hands. So that’s why if we shift our reference point from the world to Krishna, then we will be able to transcend any feelings of self-pity. And for shifting this, humility is very helpful.
And what is the difference between pride and confidence? Now pride, actually the word pride nowadays has acquired a positive connotation. Like that hotel executive pride. Or, you know, sometimes some cricket players, they are playing for pride.
That means we lost the match, we lost the series, but we still will try to win this. At least one match we will reach. So words have different connotations at different times.
So nowadays I prefer the word arrogance, because pride tends to be positive. Even the word lusty has become positive nowadays. You know, like I saw a headline of a person reading a newspaper, you know, the so-and-so player hit a lot of lusty blows and we won the match.
So lusty simply means energetic. So the words have different connotations. But the point is arrogance means what? I want the world to glorify me.
And I can’t be satisfied without that glorification. Whereas confidence means that I can do whatever I’m told to do. So the difference between confidence and arrogance is that in arrogance, our focus is not just what I can do, but what I deserve because of what I can do.
I want glorification from others. I am dismissive of everyone else. Whereas in confidence means that I want to make this contribution and I know that I can do it.
So confidence is based on our looking at ourselves and realistically understanding what are the gifts that we have been given. So if I think those gifts are mine, then I may become arrogant. But if I understand these are given to me by Krishna, they are Paurusham in Rishikesh.
Krishna says I am ability in human beings. So these are gifts which Krishna has given me. And if I have been given those gifts, to say that I don’t have those gifts, that is not humility.
It is simply a refusal to use what Krishna has given to us. If somebody can sing very nicely, and they say, please read this script. No, no, I can’t sing nicely.
No, you can. No, no, I can’t. Well, all that is going to happen by that is we are not using the ability in Krishna’s service.
So that is undesirable. So if I have been, if I have practised music, I have seen earlier, I can sing nicely. And to have the confidence that I can do it at this place.
So that is simply, it’s simply an honest acknowledgement of the gifts that we have and the skills that we have developed using those gifts. That’s confidence. But arrogance basically is not just an estimation of what we can do, but it is, there may be accurate estimation of that also.
I have these abilities. But that rubs off as being dismissive of others and being demanding from others. Now what? Sometimes one singer, another singer, if some singer is arrogant, they will say that.
No, why are you giving that person an opportunity to sing? I can sing so much better. Just dismiss other people. And the demand, you know that.
You have to respect me. I am so great. So that dismissive and demanding attitude, where one gets an entitlement mentality because of one’s abilities, that will lead to arrogance.
But confidence is simply an honest acknowledgement of what we can do based on our intelligence and our experience. Does that answer your question? Any other comment? Yeah, please. Please, please.
Sometimes we see people have a lot of confidence, but they don’t have ability. And sometimes we see people have ability, but they don’t have confidence. Or they don’t have, but they have no self-esteem.
But I’m, but I’m, I don’t know. I agree. I agree with you.
See, when this happens, if somebody has ability, but no confidence, or somebody has confidence, but no ability. I think that’s why we all need association. See, the world is out here.
World means my body is there. My talents are here. I am here.
And my mind is here. So the mind often acts like a distorter of our perception. So the mind, I don’t have ability.
Mind says, just do it. You can’t sing? No, I’ll sing. So that is, we’re not able to see the reality properly.
And conversely, it can go the other way also. That, you know, I have the ability, but no, you won’t be able to do it. You won’t be able to do it.
So that’s why, normally, we look at everything through our mind. But if we have some close friends, that they can help us, and whom we trust, then they can help us look at the mind. Normally, we look at everyone through our mind.
So if somebody starts speaking very sweetly to me suddenly, then yet my mind says, you know, what does this person want from me? Why are they speaking so sweetly today? So, now it may be that they want something, or it may just say they’re being courteous. But our mind interprets things in a particular way. But there are some people whom we trust.
Close friendship doesn’t just mean, you know, how tightly we hug each other. Close friendship actually means that, that person’s words, they can come closer to us than what our mind can come to. So instead of viewing, we view everyone through the mind.
But some person, okay, my mind is saying like this, but this person is saying like this. Now, who is right? I evaluate that. So even if we have one friend like that, it’s a great blessing.
Because then we have an alternative to the mind’s narrative. So then that friend, well, if they caution us, you know, I think you will not be able to do this service. We won’t immediately label that they’re envious, or that this, they’re that.
That’s what we would do if they were not in our circle of trust. So, or if they encourage us, we will not just dismiss it. No, you’re just flattering me.
No, okay, if you’re saying like this, I’ll try it out. So we all need an alternative to our mind’s narrative. And devotee association should be able to provide us that.
Not generally devotee association, but at least some devotees within us, within our circle of acquaintances. If they are close enough to provide us that, then we can avoid both this lack of confidence in the presence of ability, or confidence in the absence of ability. Okay, thank you.
Any other comments? Yeah. Maybe if you want to take prasadam, you can start taking prasadam and you can talk also, whatever. You’re saying something, Projeet? Okay, fine.
Whenever you feel free. Whenever you have to leave, feel free to leave, Projeet. Yes, Nataraj.
Sometimes I find it so hard, like, to be humble in the temple and being humble at the workplace. They’re two different things. And sometimes I think, like, one is getting over the other.
Like, sometimes at work, I think, no, I shouldn’t be this humble because people are taking advantage of me. And so I try to overpower it. And then that thing, I feel, gets into me.
And then it just affects me when I’m at the temple. Or if I’m trying to be very humble at the temple, that thing affects me when I’m at work. Okay.
So I don’t know how to differentiate between both. See, if we are humble the way we are in temple, at our office, people may exploit us. So how do we ensure that the attitude at one place doesn’t incorrectly get carried over to the other place, either from the workplace to the temple or temple to the workplace? It’s not that humility is not appreciated in the workplace.
There is a room for that also. Say, if somebody is a boss, and then a team member gives a suggestion. If the suggestion is valuable, then if the boss has the humility to hear that, okay, let me hear it.
If the boss says, I know better than you, what are you speaking? If the boss is ready to hear that out, yeah, it’s a good idea. Let’s do it this way. So that’s humility in action.
So we all have a certain stereotype of what humility is. Say, we fold our hands, we bow down. These are expressions of humility.
And these expressions may not be appropriate in the outside world, these particular expressions. But the disposition of humility, it is actually very valuable. In fact, one of my friends is a brahmachari for many years.
And now he has become a corporate counsellor. And he does seminars for big companies. And his whole theme is how ego obstructs team performance.
How ego obstructs team performance. And he’s been very successful. Many people talk about ego.
But he talks about ego, insecurity and spirituality. That angle nobody takes. And he’s getting good response.
So ego is a problem even in team building, teamwork. So humility, if properly understood in terms of say, okay, this is the project we have to do. I talked about humility means to not let our ego come in the way of our purpose.
So this is a project which has to be done. And I had thought of doing it this way. But then if somebody else has come up with a better way of doing it, then I won’t let my ego come in the way of their purpose.
So that means that humility will be beneficial even in a corporate setting. But where humility if we say that, okay, I have done a particular project, or if I had done this role in the project, and somehow I’m not being given credit for that. So in bhakti we say that we shouldn’t take credit for our service.
Krishna has done that service. But in the corporate world, actually, we have to, we have to, in a sense, blow our trumpet. The devotee, he did his degree in IIM.
He was telling that basically, he said that if there’s a tap that is on, and you turn off that tap, then you can use that in your CV that I helped conserve water on the planet. So often, writing your CV, preparing your bio is like blow up things what we have done. Now that is just the way it is in the world.
So if we have done a particular job, and we let others steal the credit for that in the name of humility, that is not humility. That would be actually stupidity. Because we have to make sure that we function, we function in a proper way in the world.
So it’s not that we want the credit for ourselves. It’s that the job is how we are serving Krishna. And that job, if we get a better position, we get a better pay, we’ll do service better.
So if something is required for our particular, in a particular profession, something is required for that setting, then seeking that is not contrary to the principle of humility. So if we think humility means just letting others, if say, in the name of humility, people dump unfair amount of work on us, and you say, oh, how can I speak against you? No, that is not humility. That is simply being, that is weakness.
Now, sometimes in devotee circle, we say the more service to Krishna, we know we’ll be purified. So we may let others do that. Even in devotee circle also, actually, if somebody is habitually stealing credit from others, allowing that to happen is not good.
Because today I’ll be patient, but others may not be. And if others start to see, if other new people are there like that, they say, you know, you talk about humility. But here the senior devotee is, you know, it’s so manipulative.
So if somebody is habitually doing something like that, then they need to be stopped appropriately. Maybe talk with senior authorities or talk with them properly or whatever. So there are certain stereotypes associated with humility.
So letting others take credit for one’s service, it’s the mood is that, okay, if I had done some service, I’ll give credit to my spiritual master. But the spiritual master will also give credit back. That, you know, okay, this devotee has done valuable service.
And the devotee, the spiritual master will give more responsibility to that devotee. So that is when there is the reciprocation from both people properly. But if that is not happening, then we understand internally that it is Krishna who has done through us.
But, you see, Prabhupada, he told us that, you know, Krishna dictated his books to him. But Prabhupada did not put Krishna as the author of his books. Prabhupada put himself as the author.
Why? Because it is Krishna who gives the ideas. Prabhupada put it in his own words. If he wrote Krishna is the author, people would not have appreciated.
What do you mean Krishna is the author of these books? So in this world, when we have to conduct ourselves, we have to conduct ourselves in an appropriate way so that our service gets done, so that our purpose is pursued. So letting others steal our credit or letting others dump too much work on us, that is not humility. That is simply weakness.
And we can in a respectful but firm way express our perspective. So if we do it properly, humility can be a strength in every walk of our life. And if we misunderstand humility, then humility can become a problem not only in our professional life, it can become a problem in our devotional life also.
Because if somebody is manipulative, somebody is stealing credit, somebody dumping too much work on us, we may tolerate it for one day, one week, one month, one year. But all that negativity is there in our hearts. And that negativity will agitate us and it will prevent Krishna from manifesting in our heart, from Krishna from being present in our heart.
We will not be able to connect with Krishna. So that will also need to be dealt with. So humility, properly understood, is a strength in all situations.
And humility, improperly understood, can be a weakness in both material and spiritual life. Did that answer your question? Yes. Yes, Pramod.
Thank you, Prabhu. And thank you for your service for the speaking three hours in Narset recently. And I opened the paper and I saw, I think, an article by yourself or Arunachal.
And I thought that was very nice to see a devotee guiding among so many other spiritual speakers. That’s true. Thank you for that.
My question was, I think you have a really good point with respect to like-minded devotees and finding association with them. My question is, how does one go about finding that like-minded? Because I might be in a devotee company that’s not as big, for example, but it’s a big company. How do I go about finding that like-mindedness? Because at times… Okay, I got your question.
So this is the last question. If others have questions, we’ll talk after that. I’ll say privately.
So if a devotee community is not very big, how do we find like-minded association there? Yes, we may not be able to find. So we may have to look beyond our image in devotee community. There are three broad ways.
Some devotees, we love to be with them. Some devotees are okay being with them. Some devotees, it’s austerity to be with them.
It happens like that. It’s Oscar Wilde who said that some people bring happiness… Hare Krishna. Some people bring happiness wherever they go.
And some people bring happiness whenever they go. So there are people like that. And even among devotee community, it’s ironic that the same person may be seen by me as such a difficult person.
And somebody else is such a loving person. That’s just the way human psychology and human nature is. So if we find that, in this particular devotee community, I don’t find a like-minded association.
That doesn’t mean I have to dismiss or reject that association. Physical proximity is also important. And we do services that we can in that association.
Hare Krishna. Humble way of thesis. Thank you.
Thank you for coming. Thank you for your blessings. So if that happens, then we work with the devotees that are around us as much as we can.
Some practical services we do with them. We may not have heart-to-heart bonding with them. But we may have heart-to-heart bonding with some devotees elsewhere.
And then we meet them and then we just relish their association at that time. So we may have to go out of our way to find like-minded association. That’s fine.
If somebody is of a more intellectual nature. Generally, the devotee community may not be so intellectual. So you may find some intellectual devotees somewhere else.
We bond with them. So it’s not possible always that in our community, our need may be fulfilled. That doesn’t mean that we have to stick to our community.
That doesn’t mean we have to reject our community. We do our services in that community as much as we can. But we also need to get our needs fulfilled.
And we find out in the broader devotee community, where that can happen. Okay. So thank you very much.