Sentimentality Sensitivity Spirituality

[Talk at Bhakti Center, New York, USA]

Video

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So, thank you very much for coming today afternoon or staying on over today afternoon.
And, I will in some way continue on from the previous session, but I will also, this will be a separate session. The theme I am going to speak on is sensitivity, sentimentality, and spirituality. We are sensitive to each other’s emotions, but at the same time, we don’t want to be swept away by emotions.
We don’t want to be sentimental. And, how can we be practise spirituality with this understanding? So, I will talk this in three parts and after each part, we can have some interaction. If you have some questions, feel free to ask in the middle also.
So, I was recently asked a question that one devotee asked me, not a devotee, person who is practising bhakti, I got a dream in which Krishna told me that there is no use of chanting Hare Krishna. You just need devotion in your heart. What is the use of this ritual? So, he is asking me that is something if I get a devotional message in a dream, shouldn’t I be following it? What do you think? Should we be following that or no? That was Maya.
That was Maya. That’s a good one. In fact, you are echoing what Prabhupada said.
Once a devotee came to Prabhupada and he said, Prabhupada, you came in my dream and you told me to take LSD. And Prabhupada said, it was not me, it was Maya in my garb. So, this is the first part, sentimentality.
So, what do we mean by sentimentality? It means sentiments are important in our life. As I said in the previous talk, sentiments are the ornaments of life. But sentimentality means that we are driven only by sentiments.
All our actions are determined only by our feelings. Thank you. So, now when we talk about sentiments and sentimentality, the difference is who is in control.
So, if the sentiments are completely in control of us and there is no higher directive, there is no higher direction, no higher purpose, no higher guideline, then that means sentimentality. Now, can Krishna come in our dreams? What do you think? Who are we to stop Krishna? Isn’t it? If he wants to come, who can stop him from coming? So, in principle, Krishna can come in our dreams. Simultaneously, Krishna has already given his guidelines to us through scripture, through guru, sadhu and shastra, through a spiritual teacher, through other spiritual guides and through spiritual guidebooks.
Generally, Krishna does not contradict what he has given in his standard spiritual guidebooks. Again, we talked about the mind and the intelligence. By the way, was everyone here for the previous session or did anyone come just now for the previous session? Fine.
So, now the mind and the intelligence, how do we know if we get a particular thought or a particular desire? How do we know whether it is coming from the mind or the intelligence? There is nothing which pops up with a label, I am the mind speaking and the intelligence speaking. It’s not like that. So, you may say that I am understanding where something is coming from.
More important than that is where something is taking me. So, if I listen to that voice, will it be taking me towards Krishna or will it be taking me away from Krishna? So, if some voice inside me says, just stop chanting Hare Krishna, then I say, okay, maybe I don’t feel like chanting right now, but that doesn’t mean I should just stop it. Stop practising bhakti.
So, if the effect of that voice is that it is going to take me away from Krishna, then broadly we could say that that is the voice of the mind. That is the voice of the forces of illusion. So, generally we discern, we can’t identify the source specifically.
We can discern by considering the consequence. So, we identify the source by considering the consequence. And what applies to this voice which comes from within that will apply also to what might come in a dream.
So, in a dream, if we, if Krishna or some devotee or the spiritual master, Prabhupada, they come, they come, that’s wonderful. But if they are giving us, telling us something which is contrary to what they have told us in their books, in their guidelines, then we have to consider this may not be the real thing. This is quite likely to be something deceptive, masquerading as the real thing.
So, sentimentality means our guided, our life is guided simply by sentiments, not by anything higher. So, yes, we cannot just brush away our emotions by the same time, we can’t let ourselves be carried away by the emotions alone. So, Shruti Smriti Purana Adi, Pancha Ratri ki Vidhim Vina, Aikanti ki Harer Bhakti, Utpataayaiva Kalpate, is that if the Bhakti that we are practising is not guided by scripture, then it simply becomes disruptive.
It just becomes a social disturbance. It doesn’t take us towards transcendence. Now, sentimentality can come in various different ways.
Sentimentality may also come in the sense that we may, one example I gave is that Krishna came in my dream. Yes, Krishna can come in my dream. Now, if Krishna comes, I was talking with this devotee elaborately, Krishna can come in our dreams and sometimes he may tell us to do something special, maybe study this Bhagavatam or do this service or do this particular thing.
Now, if something which is a devotional activity, which is already good to do, which scripture is telling us is good to do and then we do it, guided by Krishna, then that is wonderful. At the same time, even in those situations, there is no need to publicise it to the world. Oh, Krishna came in my dream and Krishna told me this.
That is between us and Krishna. So, if Krishna’s special appearance, he can come, no doubt, our spiritual advancement will depend not on whether Krishna comes in our dream or not. It will depend on what we do after we wake up.
Krishna’s coming into our dream is just something happening to us. See, our spiritual advancement essentially is what? It is a redirection of our heart towards Krishna. The essence of spiritual advancement is our heart.
So, I am getting directed towards Krishna and that fundamentally requires our relationship, our decision, our choice. So, now if Krishna is coming in our dream, that means, Krishna is giving us some special revelation. But, if after waking up, instead of cherishing that revelation and becoming attracted to Krishna, I start telling the whole world, Oh, Krishna came in my dream, Krishna came in my dream, Krishna came in my dream.
Then, I am not getting attracted to Krishna as much as I am trying to get people attracted to me. Creating the impression that I am a great devotee. And that would be unhealthy.
So, yes, sometimes we may have some special experiences also. Sometimes the kirtan is going on and we suddenly start experiencing ecstasy, some sublime feeling of joy or illumination comes within us. So, if these special experiences come, that’s wonderful.
We are grateful for them, but we don’t parade them before the world. We don’t exhibit them before the world as proof, as evidence of our advancement. The grand spiritual master of Srila Prabhupada, Gaur Kishore Das Babaji, he gave an example to illustrate this.
That how there is transcendental ecstasy and there is sentimental ecstasy. And what is the difference between the two? Transcendental ecstasy increases the attraction to Krishna. Sentimental ecstasy simply increases our distance from Krishna.
Although we think we have, it increases our attraction. So, he gives an example for illustrating this. Say, if there is a pregnant woman and in the last stages of labour, she is about to deliver a child.
Now, in the last stages, often there is some pain. And then because of that, that lady may be screaming. She may be crying, she may be screaming.
Through it all, although normally somebody crying or screaming is disturbing. But if a child is to be born, along with that everybody is concerned, but they are also eager, they are anticipating. The relatives come and friends come, they are also, oh, you are going to have a child.
So, there is some anticipation, there is some joy associated with that. The attention comes with it, but there is anticipation and joy. And from that, a child is born.
A new life comes into the world. But seeing how much attention and affection and care a pregnant lady who is calling out, screaming in labour pain gets, if some woman who is not pregnant, she starts screaming. She starts screaming or yelling or crying.
She can do that, but no child will emerge from it. Isn’t it? So, Gaur Krishna Babaji gives this example. His point is that when there is love for Krishna in the heart, that is like the child in the womb, and then the devotee is in ecstasy.
And then they have tears coming from their eyes, their hair may stand on end, many of the symptoms that are described about Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, how you would go into ecstasy. So, we can also have intense spiritual experiences. And when they are coming from love for Krishna, through that transcendental ecstasy, the love for him increases further.
Just like mother is, to be mother, is experiencing something, expressing something, but through that a wonderful new child comes. But when there is sentimental ecstasy, that is like, there is no love for Krishna in the heart, there is only the desire for attention. The desire that the world considers me to be such a great devotee.
And then if somebody starts exhibiting ecstasy, that is like a non-pregnant woman screaming and crying. Even if she gets some attention, what happened, what happened? But there is no child going to be born from that. So, the important thing is that we see emotion as an enhancer of our connection with Krishna, not emotion as the sole definer of our connection.
Oh, because I felt so good when I was doing kirtans, I felt so good, now I have become a pure devotee. Emotion is meant to be the enhancer of our connection. Okay, I have experienced this emotion, oh, it is so good, it is such a rich feeling I had.
I want to experience this more. If I become pure, I will experience this more in future. So, emotion is meant to be the enricher of our devotion.
Enhancer and enricher of our devotion. Emotion is not to be the determiner. I am experiencing this emotion, therefore, I am a great devotee.
And let the whole world know what a great devotee I am. So, that would be sentimentality. So, I talked about two distinct things right now.
Sentimentality might make us mistake something which is illusion to be transcendence, like a dream. Sentimentality can also make us pretend. Sometimes it is conscious, we just exhibit what we know or what we think we are experiencing to others.
And third could be sentimentality may make us give up our spiritual practise if we don’t feel any emotion. Say, we sometimes come in front of Krishna, we pick up the wheel bag and we try chanting. Sometimes when we chant, we feel like so good, we feel such power, such resonance through the chanting.
Other days we feel chanting never ends. Sometimes we put the beads out of the bead bag and see, somebody put 1008 beads instead of 108 over here. It’s just not ending, it’s going on and on.
So, when that happens, what is happening? We may go through dry phases in our spiritual life. And if emotion is the basis of our practise of bhakti. Oh, I practise bhakti because it feels so good.
But now it is no longer feeling good. If feeling good would be the validator of spirituality, then you could say drinking is the ultimate spiritual experience. Because after drinking we feel good, at least for some time.
After taking drugs people feel good. There are so many things but it is through purification, it is transformation. And so sometimes in the practise of bhakti, we may go through phases when we don’t feel good at all.
And if we are sentimental, then we say, what is the use of practising? I am feeling terrible. So sentimentality will make us discouraged and deterred. We will stop practising.
So that is sentimentality, which is often, in fact, we could say the ultimate sentiment. It keeps us away from experiencing genuine spiritual devotion for Krishna. So that was the first point about sentimentality.
Any reflections or questions? Yeah. So if you like to consider the positive emotions, spiritual emotions as an enhancer and not the sole determiner, so what could we consider as the sole determiner? Okay. So generally, at our sadhaka stage, it should be the intelligence.
Not intelligence alone, but intelligence is important. Jiva Goswami, one of our very prominent acharyas, he says that when we are pure, when we have love for Krishna, at that time, we will practise bhakti because of priti. Priti is love for Krishna.
That’s why we naturally practise bhakti. But, till we get to the stage of priti, while we are sadhakas, we’re doing sadhana bhakti, till that time, it is buddhi that will keep us moving. Buddhi means intelligence.
It’s like medicine. When I’m healed, I will actually feel good. While I’m taking medicine also, sometimes I may feel good.
But sometimes during the recovery, I might feel bad also. But I keep taking the medicine because with my intelligence, I know this is going to cure. So, primarily, for us, it has to be the intelligence.
But, intelligence alone is not enough. We see that intelligence has to be coupled with a relationship, with submission, with attraction, with a connection. Intelligence has to be, it can’t be purely rational.
Intelligence has to be personal. Personal means what? We need to have a personal relationship with either our spiritual master or some devotees. As long as spirituality is simply, this is the right thing to do, that is the wrong thing to do.
Then, okay, it’s the right thing, but it’s, it’s not pleasant at all. I don’t feel like doing it. But if we have a relationship with someone whom we respect, someone whom we love, it could be our spiritual master, our spiritual guide, some other single devotee.
Then, we think, I am doing this because I want to please them. And if I do the opposite, it will displease them. So, there is both the, there is both the rational and the personal aspect of bhakti.
If it’s only personal, then, that is, that can go towards sentimental. But if it’s only rational, then it can become sentimentless. And we don’t want to be completely sentimentless.
We want to develop a personal relationship with Krishna. So, the rational intelligence founded in a personal relationship. Now, every bond brings with it a boundary.
Every bond that we form, it brings that boundary. Say, if a, if a man and woman join together in marriage, it’s a bond. But along with that bond, some boundaries will come.
They might be, they might be more having free mixing or dating with different men or women before, but now, they can’t do that. So, if somebody says, I want free love, there is no such thing as free love. Love, by its very nature, is a bond.
So, similarly, when we are connecting with Krishna, it is, at a rational level, we understand, this is good for me, this will help me to evolve spiritually. It is also what a personal relationship. And, when in a personal relationship there is a bond, that bond doesn’t seem so much like a restriction.
Why should I not do this? No, I am having this bond, this bond is what I want to develop and this boundary will ensure that the bond develops. So, then the rules don’t seem so restrictive. If we are focussing on the connection, then the rules don’t seem so much of a restriction.
But, if there is no focus on connection, then the rules will seem like a restriction. So, it’s both rational and personal. Any other comments or questions? Yes.
At the same time, so, how to reconcile the different emotions within of not feeling the balance between the feeling as an opposite state? That’s a good question. Very thoughtful question. Thank you.
That, if we go through periods of dryness, of aridity, then at one level we say that we just meant to please Krishna. We don’t care about our feelings, we care about His feelings and continue our service. But, at another level, it could be that sometimes our heart dries up because we are committing offences.
So, should we evaluate that we are committing offences? How do we balance between the two? The basic principle is that we do not become discouraged in our practise of love. So, at one level, we could say that I have so many conditionings that my very existence is an offence. I shouldn’t think like that.
But, who may sometimes feel this person is displeased with me, that person is displeased with me, everything that I do goes wrong. Then, we start thinking my existence itself is an offence. What do I do then? No, we should never become discouraged.
Actually, if we lose our faith in our potential to improve, that is disastrous. That is the way of cowardice and that is the way of evil, of malice. We all need to have that faith, not just my strength of character, but the fact that I am a part of Krishna.
So, if we are becoming discouraged, then whatever train of thought we are having, stop it. Not that we don’t want to take a hard look at ourselves, but we shouldn’t be taking such a hard look at ourselves that we become disheartened. I start thinking I am useless now.
So, we are our only resource. You know, we are not going to get anyone else to practise bhakti for us. We are not going to get anyone else to turn our heart towards Krishna.
So, we are our only resource and there is no substitute. So, we have to treat ourselves like someone we care for. So, if they are doing something wrong, we want to correct them, we want to encourage them, but at the same time, we shouldn’t correct them so hard that they just lose hope.
So, first thing is any train of thought that tends to discourage us, stop it. Maybe it is true, but it is not helpful right now. Ultimately, even if I have done a hundred mistakes, what is the solution? It is practising bhakti.
It says that if we fall down on the floor, if an infant is trying to walk and the infant falls down on the floor, now, the only way the infant is going to get up is by taking the support of the floor. Isn’t it? So, Krishna is like that. Sometimes, we fall down in our practise of Krishna bhakti, but it is only by taking shelter of Krishna bhakti that we are going to get up.
So, anything that discourages us, just stop that train of thought. Even if it is true, let me right now be enthused in the practise of Krishna bhakti. So, we have to find out what are the things that can, that give us some juice, that give us some, some sense of being alive and being, being energised in bhakti.
We all broadly speaking, we can meet two kinds of people. Some people bring happiness wherever they go, and some people bring happiness whenever they go. So, when this happens, the thing is that some people when they come, it is like a big smile appears on our face, and some people they are appearing smiling, the smile disappears.
It is like we just become, I am going to walk into a minefield. So, we all have this kind of interaction in our life, that there are some interactions which give us strength, and some interactions which take strength. So, this is just the way life is.
It is not just with respect to people, but also I have activities. We have some services, some responsibilities, some things which just there is strength, and some which are joy. So, we need to make sure that the activities that drain us are not more than that, not too much more than the activities that nourish us.
As I said earlier, we are our only resource. So, the activities that nourish us, we need to feel encouraged enough to do that. And then once we do those activities, we may not feel high up, but we may not be down in the dumps also.
At least it’s manageable. It’s not great, but okay. So, we all need to note what are those resources.
When I feel down, maybe I read a book, maybe I hear a talk of a particular devotee, or sometimes I heard something, I keep that noted down and go back to it, and at least come to a functional level. Otherwise, some people just go so much into depression. It’s a complete disorder.
You don’t want to be at that level. And once we come to a little bit, little level of calmness, reasonable emotional stability, it’s not emotional vibrancy, but it’s not at least emotional stability, then we can analyse. If I’m in tamo guna, if I’m in the mode of ignorance, and then I try to analyse, what is wrong in my life? The mind will say everything is wrong, you are wrong, you’re hopeless.
So, in the mode of ignorance, analysis is probably the worst thing we can do. We’ll simply tie ourselves up in knots. So, we need to come to a little bit of higher mode.
So, then, if we look back, okay, okay, when I’m feeling very much down, I’m feeling this dryness, let me do something which brings me to reasonable stability, and then I look at my life, okay, did I offend anyone? At that time when we look, we won’t be looking with a mood of either self-pity or self-victimisation or feeling sorry for ourselves, okay, let me look objectively. That’s that much self-care we need to have. After we have that, we come to the mode of goodness, then we might be able to evaluate better.
And sometimes we can find out, okay, maybe I spoke this, this was not the best thing to speak. So, if we detect that, then we can seek forgiveness or seek give clarification or seek clarification, whatever is appropriate, we can do that. And otherwise, we understand these dark phases are just in a sense the moods acting on us.
Now, this example can be given in two different contexts. Sometimes our sensual desires go very high or sometimes our spiritual inspiration goes very low. So, now when that happens we feel as if and what the mind often does is the mind eternalises the present.
Eternalises the present means you are feeling so down right now, this is how you’re going to feel for the rest of your life. How will you continue practising? You’re not going to feel like that for the rest of your life. Are you feeling like that right now? Okay.
So, it’s like you could say it’s like an arm wrestling match. Has any of you played arm wrestling? No? Arm wrestling? Okay. But you know it, isn’t it? So, suppose the arm wrestling match is going on and the other person is very powerful and then they push them and we’re trying to resist.
That person is too strong. It’s almost come to the floor. Yeah, I’m so close.
I can’t hold up now. But suppose we know in advance that it is a timed arm wrestling match. Each round is three minutes.
So, I’m almost down but I can hold on for three minutes. It’s almost down. That person is trying it.
Three minutes over. So, if you just survive the present round, then we will resume on neutral ground. Neutral ground means here.
So, right now, I’m feeling very, very down. Or opposite, same thing, I’m feeling my worldly desire so high, I can’t resist it. So, I’m almost here.
But we shouldn’t think, when the mind internalises the present, that means the rest of your life. How can you fight this? It’s not going to be like this for the rest of your life. It’s just going to be for a few hours, a few days.
A few days also, our mind is too moody. So, even the low moods do not stay for very long. That’s a blessing.
The good moods don’t stay for very long. But the bad moods also don’t stay for very long. That’s the blessing.
So, therefore, we just, okay, this is a timed arm-wrestling match, just let me arms the tics of heart, let me tolerate. So, we can use our intelligence to check if I have offended someone. If not, just tolerate.
And, when we are going through these dry phases, it’s best to not think about the long-term future. Just divide time into manageable units. Manageable units means, you can think that, okay, for the next one hour, or the next one day, can I go on? I think, with this dry phase, I have to go for the next one month, or the next one year.
Impossible. But, just divide into manageable units of time. Can I go on? Can I just go on for the next one hour? Yeah.
Can I avoid making a mess of things for the next one? Yeah, I can. Just do that for one hour, and then, you just appreciate yourself. Good that I didn’t make a mess of things.
So, that in itself makes us feel good. Oh, I survived this for one hour. And then, can I do this for one more hour? And one more hour.
And gradually, the dark phase will get over. So, when the dark or dry phase comes, when the mind eternalises the present, what it means is, the mind makes us think this is a dungeon, in which we are trapped for the rest of our life. But it’s not a dungeon, it’s a tunnel.
And if you keep walking, the tunnel will get over and you won’t even come out. That’s how we can go through the dry phase. Does it make sense? Any other questions? So, at the end, I would like all of you to speak any one point which spoke to you in the class.
So, keep thinking about it toward the end. We’ll have some reflections toward the end. So, should I move on to the second part now? Any other questions or comments? If somebody doesn’t know what offences they are doing, is it that a difficult self-exploration is what is required? Let’s say that offences are of different kinds.
Say, sometimes, we are so caught in our own thoughts, in our own life, that we might neglect someone, and that person might feel hurt. Say, we are walking by and they greet us, and we just don’t even notice them. Now, if it’s intentional, then it’s a snub.
See them, but you deliberately don’t notice them. But it might be because we are lost in our head. So it’s not that Krishna is waiting to catch us, do something wrong.
Hey, you made an offence? Suffer! It’s not like that. Krishna is not there to catch us when we do wrong. Actually, Krishna is there in our heart to catch us when we fall.
He is there to catch us when we fall and steady us. Now, Krishna is like a loving mother. If a small baby is learning to walk the first steps, now, if the baby takes a few steps, the mother cheers and applauds.
And if the baby slips and falls, the mother doesn’t do that. The mother runs forward to catch. So, we shouldn’t live paranoid about offences.
Oh, I’ve committed some offence and I don’t even know what offence I’ve committed. We should be living in fear like that. In general, the serious offences are those which are done with a knowing desire to pull somebody down.
Say, somebody is being praised and we can’t tolerate their praise. So, somebody says, we also like to sing kirtans and somebody else is also singing kirtan and people don’t praise our kirtan but they praise their kirtan. You know how beautifully he or she sings kirtan? Then we say, do you see how much prasad they take? So, what are we doing? I wouldn’t say that is a very serious offence but that’s indicative.
What is happening is, we are not able to tolerate the other person’s glorification and we’re subtly trying to pull them down. Now, it can go much further and we can gossip and we can backbite and we can spread rumours. That work can be done also.
But in general, the serious offences are where we with conscious intention do something to pull someone down. If something is unconsciously done, certainly, we can try to learn about it. So, it’s like say, sometimes some devotees are doing kirtan and they start dancing and they become so unconscious that their hands are wide and they’re slapping everyone.
They’re going round and round in the kirtans. Now, they say, I was in ecstasy. Others say, but I’m in agony.
So, yeah, you can be in ecstasy in your kirtans. You can be in ecstasy in your kirtans, but keep your hands up, not widespread. So, if sometimes we are unaware, then it is good to become a little more self-aware.
And maybe if you have some close friends, you can ask them, do I do some things which alienate people? I see that sometimes people seem to be upset with me. I don’t think I did anything wrong, but have you seen? Now, if we are not too defensive, then people will tell us. Generally, what happens, when will people give us any feedback? When they see how we take it.
If they tell us some suggestion, immediately you come to them. No, but I didn’t do like that. Then they say they’re not ready.
Then, unless they are in a position of authority where they have to tell us something, they will not tell it. I was with one senior devotee, he told me that I have stopped giving feedback now. I only give feed front.
What is feed front? He says, I give everybody prasad. It is feed front. So, sometimes people become alienated, if they’re given feedback.
So, it’s of course difficult to hear our own criticism, but if we are not too defensive, then if we are doing some offences unconsciously, then others can tell us. And of course, we can do some self-exploration as you said, but that shouldn’t be done with paranoia. Oh, I’m doing something wrong and I’m going to get a punishment for my offences, but I don’t even know what I’m done.
It shouldn’t be like that. So, thank you. Any other comments or questions? So, the first part I spoke about was, what are the three parts I’m going to speak? Three parts of topic were sentimentality, sensitivity and spirituality.
So, sentimentality is, as I said, where we are driven by sentiments alone. Now, sensitivity is the capacity to sense emotions. It is the capacity to sense what others are feeling.
So, sensitivity can of course apply to ourselves also. I’ll come to that later. So, we don’t, but first let’s focus on general understanding that sensitivity is, we as devotees should be able to sense at least to some extent what others are feeling.
And that requires empathy. That requires the capacity to put ourselves in other people’s shoes. Often, when we are upset and somebody gets, somebody speaks something to us.
Recently, one devotee told me, you have no emotions. Now, I was, in months I was going out of my way to help that devotee and I thought I was being very sensitive and this devotee said, you have no emotions. So, initially I just got so upset by that.
But then, I talked with another friend of mine and he said that whenever people hurt us, it is usually they are hurting themselves. So, rather than seeing that statement, you have no emotions, as an attack on me. I say, that means this person has some emotional need which I did not meet.
So, now, whether it is my responsibility to meet it, whether it is even possible for me to meet it, all these are separate questions. But, it is that when people even speak hurtingly to us, it is quite often they are hurting and somehow they are hurting others. So, hurt people hurt people.
People who are hurt, hurt others. Hurt people hurt people. So, sensitivity means to sense that somebody is hurting.
Often, when people criticise us, we take it personally. Why? How dare you speak like this about me? But, often it is not so much about us. Everybody has a movie going on in their head and in that movie, they are the stars and everyone else including us is an extra, is just like a sidekick.
So, often when they are acting or even when they are acting out, they are more or less responding to the movie in their head. Now, we just happen to be there and we become the accidental victims over there of their harsh words. Now, this is not always, but I talked about how inside us there is an adult and there is an infant.
So, under every ranting adult, who is complaining, ranting, inside every ranting adult is a flailing infant. It is a flailing infant. Now, suppose a mother has a baby and now the baby is crying and the mother picks up the baby and the baby kicks the mother itself.
Now, the mother will say, you, I picked up too carefully and you are kicking me. Now, the mother understands that the baby doesn’t have an intention to kick me. The baby is in pain and baby is somehow doing something to draw attention to that pain.
Help me. And the baby just doesn’t know what to do. Now, of course, when adults kick, it is not the same thing when people kick us and it is not always our responsibility to deal with other people’s issues.
But it is also that we need to recognise that what other people do with us is not always about us. When we take others’ behaviour too personally, then what happens is we get caught in our own issues. Maybe something is wrong with you.
But it could be that that person is needing some help. It is more about them than about us. So, sensitivity is the capacity to feel other person’s emotions.
Atma Upam Yena Sarvatra Samampashyati Arjuna Sukham Yadiva Dukham Sayogi Paramoham Krishnasena Bhagavad Gita That those who are spiritually advanced, those who are spiritually evolved, they see the true equality of all living beings in their happiness and in their distress. That means if somebody speaks to me, say you have no emotions, then instead of taking it personally, I can turn around and turn it around and when would I say this to someone? Imagine if I said this, you have no emotions, when would I say it? It would be that person has behaved in a stone-hearted way with me and that has happened and that’s hurting me. That’s why I speak like that.
So, sensitivity means that we try to focus on the other person’s emotions, not take their actions personally. Now, it is not easy and it requires emotional maturity and we can’t do this with too many people. You know, for all of us, we often function with a low-resolution picture of others.
Like you have in computers, a low-resolution picture is just a small, huge epic and a high-resolution picture is like many, it may be sometimes megabytes or gigabytes also. So, usually we function with a low-resolution picture of people. There is a survey done about it, there is a scientific study, there is a video also I saw on YouTube, that people are going to super, somebody has gone to supermarket and they have bought certain things.
Now, they are just giving their, giving the bill or they are giving the credit card and the person is taking it and returning it. Now, when they are doing it, so what happened was, while they are doing it, they are talking with a friend, they are talking with a child, they are looking at their phone. So, in their experiment what they did was, they gave the credit card and then the person at the counter was changed.
So, the person was sitting over there or standing over there, person slipped down, another person came over there and 90% of the people didn’t even notice. So, why? Because, for them, at that point, you know that is not so much a conscious person with personality and emotions. Their interaction is simply transactional.
I give this to you and you do that to me. So, as long as if I give the credit card and my credit card comes back to me, I may not even notice who is there. But, if my credit card doesn’t come back, hey, who is this? Then, we focus.
So, what happens? Normally, we function with a low resolution picture of others. Say, if you are driving a car and now, normally, maybe when you buy a car new, you want to see what brand it is, how it looks, what will be the image inside even I have driving this car. But, after you got it and got it for sometime, then, you again have a low resolution picture of the car.
Okay, the car is something which gets me from place A to place B. But, suppose your car breaks down and then, you have to focus on the car. Okay, what could be wrong? This car is such a complicated thing and I know so little about it and I have to figure this out and if I go to a mechanic and the mechanic gives a bill, how will I pay for it? How will I know the mechanic is cheating me or not? How will I know whether I should pay that bill or better just and try to fix the car or just get a new car? A whole practically universe opens up over there. So, we normally function with a low resolution picture of things.
But, when we give attention, that is when that low resolution picture starts becoming high resolution. So, similarly for us, to develop sensitivity means we develop a high resolution picture of others, a high resolution picture or a high resolution conception. So, if somebody insults us, how dare you insult me? You are expected to behave courteously but you are behaving in an insulting way.
That is a low resolution picture of others. Say, now all of you are sitting here and now all of you I think are almost 100% confident that while you are sitting and hearing this class, the person next to you is not going to suddenly slap you in the face. Now, you could say it is possible, isn’t it? Everything is possible.
But, it is not probable. Now, suppose somebody says something, you get a slap. What is going on? What is Who are you? Immediately, we start paying attention to that person.
Normally, we have a low resolution conception of people and then with some people whom we are interacting regularly with, with whom we want to develop a close relationship, we need to develop a high resolution picture. So, when we develop a high resolution picture, low resolution picture means that it is simply a transactional relationship. Now, I do this and you do this and that’s it.
As long as you are doing my part and I am doing my part, that’s all. We don’t think much more about the person. But, when the other person stops doing their part and then they do something, not just they don’t do their part, but they do the opposite of that, then we need a thing.
What’s happening over here? So, sensitivity requires developing a high resolution picture of others and developing a high resolution picture broadly means that we focus on other, not just as a transactional unit. I have done this, you should do this, but as a conscious person. So, why are we? Okay, if somebody is doing like this, instead of thinking how dare they do like this to me or speak like this about me, we think, okay, what would make me do like this? Would I ever do like this? I would never.
Suppose I did like that, what would make me do like that? Something serious must have happened. Okay, so let me try to understand what has happened in their lives. That way we can start developing sensitivity.
So, often especially when we come on a spiritual path, we tend to develop a low resolution picture of everyone else. What does it mean? We often reduce people to philosophical categories. Reduce people to philosophical categories.
That means, oh, this person is a materialist, this person is a mayavadi, this person is this, this person is this, this person is this. No, people are not philosophical categories. People are conscious beings.
The philosophical categories also can be, this person is lazy, this person is irresponsible, this person is hard hearted, this person is like that. Now, that might be an attribute of them, and if it is there, it’s okay, but that’s just one attribute of them. A low resolution picture means that we reduce people to just one attribute of them.
Okay, somebody might have a materialistic way of living, somebody might have a impersonalistic understanding. That’s okay, but that’s just one aspect of them. So, to develop a high resolution picture of others, when they do something that disturbs us or hurts us, we ask the question, what would make me do this? Then, that question will trigger a deeper thought, a deeper understanding, and often when we do that, we’ll find that it’s not about us, probably they are going through some issue.
Say, if you are sitting and you suddenly get a slap, how dare you? But then you turn around and see that person is lying, and they’ve got a heart attack, and because of the heart attack, their hand went up and hit us. Our whole conception is, oh, I need to help this person. So, if you only look at the slap that we got, how dare? But if you focus on the other person, then, oh, this person needs help.
So, similarly, when we try to get a high resolution picture of others, then we don’t take their actions too personally. We focus on trying to understand them. So, we are meant to give each other peace of mind.
But most often, we give each other a peace of our mind. How dare you do like this? But if they’ve done something offensive, that’s because they are disturbed. Let’s see how we can give them some peace of mind.
So, that is sensitivity. Sensitivity means to not take everything so personally, but to try to develop a high resolution picture of others, so that we can understand each other, so that we can understand them better. Okay? So, any questions or comments about this? Till now? Yes, please.
I was recently out shopping in New York City, and this is an observation based on a staff, and there was a young man who was mentally ill. He was shopping alongside me with his caregiver, and he was making a lot of noise, and I was trying to block it out and focus on what I was doing, as any New Yorker would do. And suddenly, he struck me pretty strong on the arm, and I turned, and I just saw in his face that he had been making noise because he was trying to get my attention.
And so, when I looked him in the face, I realised that he wanted me to acknowledge his presence, so I looked at him and acknowledged his presence, and I smiled. And he looked back at me and he smiled, and I went on my way, and he went on his way, and I felt like it was a moment where a lot of people would have been upset and offended that they had been struck in the store, but I felt like it was a moment to acknowledge another person’s presence in a way that made them feel like they were connecting with another person as well. So, there are ways to do that.
It’s beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. So, I think because you look at him in the face, that’s when you develop that high-resolution picture.
Otherwise, with a low-resolution picture, how dare you hit me? And as soon as we develop a high-resolution picture, the empathy comes. As long as you have a low-resolution picture, it’s just functional. And then if they’re not functioning the way they’re expected to, it’s a disturbance.
Thank you. It’s a very apt example, and it shows your maturity in that situation. Thank you.
Very good. So, the question I have is… It’s a very good question. Suppose you want to develop a high-resolution picture of others, how do we do that? How can we see where they’re coming from and what they’re doing? One of the best ways to develop that high-resolution connection is to just hear, just listen.
If we feel that everybody around me is boring, quite often it is because we are not listening. If we just listen to people, even ordinary people will start speaking extraordinary things. Because everyone is actually a complicated living being.
Everyone has their mind, their senses, their experiences, their conditionings, their aspirations, their dreams. And some people may be more articulate than others. But if we just… Now, we can’t function with a high-resolution picture of too many people.
How much, that will depend on individual capacity. But if we want to develop a high-resolution picture, then it’s good to just hear. Let them speak.
Hear for understanding, not for defending or responding. Just lower our guards and let them speak. A lot of bridges can be built from one heart to another heart, from one head to another head, if there is just hearing.
So, that’s one fundamental thing which can help a lot. And second is that understanding what is important for them. I was last week in Washington DC and I was giving Sunday class over there.
And some person asked a question to me. He said that, is it that women have a very long memory? This sort of questions are always charged. I said, what do you mean? He said, I did something in 1976 and my wife still remembers and complains about it.
So, I told him, I don’t remember the answer to this question. Then I explained that actually, all of us trade in different currencies in our emotions. That means, if you give me something very expensive and then I pay for it in Indian Rupees.
Now, you don’t know about Indian Rupees. And you will say, you are giving me nothing, you are just giving me valueless paper. And I will say that I have given you so much, why are you complaining so much? It’s because we are trading in different currencies.
So, now this applies in general to us in our relationships. See, for some people, spending quality time may be very important. Say, like a parent and a child.
Now, the father may work very hard or the mother may work very hard to get the most expensive toys for their kids. Now, they get a bat or a ball, they get a Lego set or whatever. And the child has a bat and the parents give a very expensive bat for them.
Now, the child may say, what the child wants is, dad you play with me, mom you play with me. Mom, dad say, I don’t have time, I am working hard for you. So, what happens, the parents feel, we love our children so much and we are giving them so much.
And the children feel, you are doing nothing for me, you never have any time for me. So, the parents are trading in the currency of gifts. They are giving gifts to the child.
But the child is looking in the currency of time. So, when two people are trading in different currencies, they may be doing a lot for each other. But both feel underappreciated.
Both feel unconnected. So, when we are listening, we can also be questioning. Questioning means, what does this person value? So, what happens is, generally how do we understand which currency a person is trading in? That’s by looking at two things broadly.
What is it that if we do, they appreciate a lot? And what is it, if we don’t do, they complain a lot? So, if it is just a piece of paper for me and I lose it. But say, it was a hundred dollar bill. Say, it was a hundred dollar, how could you lose it? It is just a piece of paper.
So, that means, that piece of paper, for me it might seem valueless, but for you it is very valuable. So, basically, I was telling this gentleman that if she is complaining about this, that means understand that is a currency she is trading. That is very important for her.
Pay attention to that. Don’t just say that, why are you remembering small things that happened so long ago? Well, if she is remembering it, that means for her it is not a small thing. So, basically, if we try to understand what currency the person is trading in primarily.
So, by listening, don’t just listen passively, but try to understand what is it that person values the most. Then we will be able to develop that high resolution picture, we will be able to connect. So, listen to understand.
Understand what are the values of the person. Value is not necessarily in an ethical sense, but values are what do they consider important. Does that answer your question? Any other questions or comments? So, we discussed two parts till now.
Which are the two parts? Sentimentality. Sensitivity. And the last part now is? Spirituality.
So, what do we mean by spirituality? So, in today’s lingo, today’s language, spirituality people have many different conceptions of it. I was in New Zealand and there one person was selling aromas. And he says, my aroma therapy is a spiritual business.
Okay, I asked, what do you mean by spiritual? He says, no, I sell aromas and when people get the aroma that they like, then they feel so good. And that is how I am increasing spirituality in the world. So, I said, okay, so you mean that by spiritual, whatever makes you feel good.
Is that right? Yeah, of course. That’s what spirituality is. So, that’s a common understanding of spirituality.
My office is a very spiritual place. Well, not many people say that. But the idea is, I go to some hill station.
It’s such a spiritual place. Most people when they say spiritual, what they mean is, it’s in terms of emotion. It feels good.
So, that’s the idea. Most people actually equate the mental or the emotional with the spiritual. So, that’s one aspect of spirituality.
So, spirituality can have three broad meanings to it. One is emotion. It feels good.
Now, the Bhagavad Gita talks about spirituality in a very different and specific way. It talks about spirituality not as a state of mind or state of emotions. It talks about it as a level of reality.
There is material reality and there is spiritual reality. You could say, existence is like a two-level building. So, like in the centre we have six levels.
Six levels or seven? Six. Okay. So, like that, reality is a two-level building.
There’s the material level and there’s the spiritual level. So, we as conscious beings, our consciousness comes from the spiritual level. That comes from the soul.
And the all-attractive supreme being, Krishna, he also exists at the spiritual level. So, I’ll elaborate on this. But the second understanding of spirituality is that it is a level of reality.
So, one is a state of emotion. Emotion that feels good. Second is, it is a level of reality.
And third understanding of spirituality is that it is a process. It is a process, you know. I’m also spiritual.
What do you mean? I meditate. Okay. So, for them, their understanding is meditation is spiritual.
So, if I’m meditating, I’m spiritual. So, now to link these three together. What is the Bhakti Yoga understanding is that spirituality is all these three.
No doubt. But there has to be a hierarchy in this. Fundamentally, spirituality is a level of reality.
That the soul is spiritual and we need to get to that level of reality. We need to raise our consciousness to that level of reality. So, spirituality is a level of reality.
Secondly, spirituality is also the process that takes us to that level of reality. So, with certain practises, when you say spiritual, what does it mean? Say, for example, we chant Hare Krishna or we study scripture. What are we doing by this? We are actually raising our consciousness to the spiritual level.
So, spirituality is a process for raising our consciousness from material reality to spiritual reality. It’s like say we are in the first level and we come to second level. We might use a staircase.
It can’t be the elevator is not working. If the elevator is working, we take the elevator. So, whichever way, it’s a process by which we move from one level of reality to another level of reality.
That’s spirituality. And thirdly, spirituality is also the good feeling that we get when we are at this level of reality. When we come to the spiritual level of reality, the Bhagavad Gita describes, यम्लप्त्वाचापरंलावं मन्यतेनाधिकंततः यस्मिन्स्तितोन दुखेन गुरुणापिविचायते You say यस्मिन्स्तितो, if you become situated at that level, then दुखेन, even if great distress comes, you will not be disturbed.
You will have such unflappable inner strength that trouble won’t trouble you. Krishna is not saying that there won’t be any trouble in your life. But trouble would trouble you.
Why is that? It’s like suppose, say, we are walking along and a five dollar bill falls out of our pocket. Now that five dollar bill is the only bill that we have right now. Then losing that five dollars will be like a catastrophe.
And if somebody tries to take it, you thief, how dare you take it? And we will fight to keep it. But suppose we have five million dollars. And a five dollar bill falls off.
And somebody just, maybe somebody is a homeless person. They pounce and take it. Keep it, keep it.
So in terms of event, the five dollar loss is the same event. But in terms of our experience, if we have five million, that five dollar loss doesn’t matter. But if five dollars is all that we have, it’s all that matters.
Nothing else matters. I can’t lose the five dollars. So what Krishna says is, when we come to that spiritual level of consciousness, we experience such inner enrichment that even trouble will not trouble us.
Because we are already experiencing something higher. yam labdhva cha param labham manyatayinadhikam tatha That having experienced this, this experience will be so great. If we feel, I don’t crave for anything.
I just want this more and more and more. So another example to illustrate this, one comparative example would be five dollars and five million dollars. Another example could be like an ocean and a trickle or a river or whatever.
This Krishna talks is an example in 2.17 in the Bhagavad Gita. He says that when rivers flow into an ocean, the ocean is not disturbed. Because the ocean is so big.
But in contrast, if say a river flows into a puddle, the puddle will completely overflow. Whatever is around it will get destroyed. So spirituality is essentially transforming our consciousness from a puddle to an ocean.
So when our consciousness becomes like an ocean, then even if the waves of life’s ups and downs come, they won’t disturb us that much. So spirituality is a level of reality. Spirituality is a process and spirituality is also an emotion.
What is that emotion? It’s not the good feeling when something good happens to us or just some good mood comes upon us. It’s a good feeling because we are connected with the ultimate good. And Krishna is like the infinite ocean of love and joy.
When Krishna becomes present in our heart, then our heart becomes like an ocean. And then when the ocean is there, then even if the waves are coming, even if the rivers are coming, it doesn’t matter. So bad things will happen to everyone in life.
We can’t be grateful for all situations. But we can be grateful in all situations. We can’t be grateful for all situations.
Because bad things happen. Suppose somebody gets an accident, somebody gets a disease, somebody loses their job, somebody’s relationship breaks down. It’s a bad thing.
We can’t imagine that this is all good. Everything that happens is not good. But everything that happens can be for good.
This is bad, but something good may come from it. So if we are looking only at that thing, this is so terrible. So if our consciousness is like a puddle, then what happens? It’s such a horrible thing.
How could this happen? My life is ended now. But if our consciousness is big, because we are connected with the biggest reality, Krishna, then this is a bad thing, and I would much rather it had not happened. But it has happened now.
It’s like this. I didn’t want this dirty river to come into my ocean, but it’s coming. So we can’t be grateful for all situations.
If bad things happen, it’s very difficult to be grateful. But by looking beyond the bad situations to all the good that is there in our life, to Krishna who is present in our lives, to the process of Krishna Bhakti that is present in our lives, to the association of devotees, so many good things are there in our lives. If we are alive, that itself means more things are right in our life than wrong.
Most of us are probably 25, 30, 35, whatever, 40, 45, whatever. Now, 50, whatever. But the point is that there are so many people who die before whatever age we are living at.
Probably all of us, even the youngest of us, has known somebody who has died before they came to our age. The fact that we are alive means there are things right in our life. So spirituality means when our consciousness becomes like an ocean, we see the big picture.
And then, even if bad things happen, we don’t get carried away by it. We don’t become resentful of it. So spirituality is about, not just about feeling good right now, but it is about connecting with the ultimate good.
It is about invoking the ultimate good, God. God’s presence in our heart. When our heart becomes oceanic, then the good feelings will not depend on some good things happening to us or good moods happening to us.
It will become our default state because we will be connected with Krishna. So that is what we aspire for. प्रशान्तमनसम् एनम् योगिनम् सुखमुत्तमं उपैति शान्त रजसं ब्रह्मभूतम कल्णशं says, प्रशान्तमनसम् एनम् That as we practise yoga, practise bhakti yoga steadily, the mind which is always restless becomes peaceful.
योगिनम् सुखमुत्तमं And then we experience the ultimate happiness. सुखमुत्तमं And that is what is the ultimate fruit of spirituality. When we start experiencing that connection with Krishna constantly and that connection will be a source of enduring endless enrichment for us.
No matter what other things may go right or go wrong in our lives. The world can hurt us in many different ways. But the bhakti tradition teaches us that greater than the world’s power to hurt is Krishna’s power to heal.
Greater than the world’s power to hurt is Krishna’s power to heal. So as long as we are looking at the world, our vision is focused on the world, the hurts will seem unbearable. The hurts may seem unforgivable.
The hurts may seem outrageous, unjust. And I thought maybe true. But if we turn towards Krishna, then yes, these hurts are there and I have to deal with them.
I have to see how they can be healed. But greater than the world’s power to hurt is Krishna’s power to heal. So we want to connect with Krishna in the practise of bhakti.
So if somebody doesn’t hurt us, somebody cares for us, it feels good naturally. But sometimes the person who is supposed to care for us hurts us. It feels horrible.
But if our emotional strength is not coming from somebody else, it is coming from Krishna, then we will be able to tolerate those ups and downs. And by connecting with Krishna, we will not only heal ourselves, but we will become a healing agent in the world. There are many wounded hearts in the world around us.
And we can become a healing agent if we let Krishna heal us. By letting him manifest in our heart. Letting him purify us.
Letting him envelop us with his grace, with his presence, with his consciousness. So I’ll summarise. I spoke today on the topic of sentimentality, sensitivity and spirituality.
Sentimentality, sentiment is good, but sentimentality is where sentiments or emotions, feelings are the only basis of all our actions. So I talked about if Krishna comes in the dream of someone and tells them that don’t chant Hare Krishna, then that is not Krishna, that is Maya coming in. So we, whatever Krishna may instruct in some paranormal way, that only reinforces, that doesn’t reject the normal instruction he’s given through the spiritual guides, the spiritual guidebooks.
And how do we know? We talked about our own inner world, even in the normal state. How do we know if a particular desire, emotion is coming from the mind or the intelligence? They don’t come with a label, mind speaking. So we understand that rather than looking to understand the source, we look to understand the consequence.
If this is going to take me away from Krishna, then this is coming from the mind. If it is going to take me toward Krishna, it is coming from the intelligence, it is coming from my higher side. So to avoid being sentimental, being carried away by sentiments, we study scripture and let scripture be our overall guide.
That’s why at our stage, intelligence has to be the primary motivation for us to practise bhakti. And of course, it’s not just rational, it’s rational and personal. In the sense that we have a personal relationship with our spiritual guides, a spiritual master, some devotee who’s inspiring us.
And we practise not just because this is right and that is wrong, but because this will please them and that will displease them. So every bond brings a boundary. And if we don’t look at the bond, then the boundary seems restrictive.
But if we focus on the bond, then we see the boundary as a deepening connection, not imposing a structure. Then the second part of that was sensitivity. Sensitivity, at one level, we don’t, sentimentality, we don’t want to be carried away by our own emotions.
But sensitivity means we want to be able to sense other’s emotions. So and that requires not taking other’s actions or words too personally. Inside every ranting adult is a flaming infant.
So even when people hurt us, it’s often because they’re hurting, hurt people, hurt people. So rather than say, how dare you say this about me? We turn and ask the question, when would I say something like this? And has something like that, what would make me say that, has something like that happened in this person’s life? So to develop that sensitivity, we need to move from a low level, low resolution picture of others to a high resolution picture. Low resolution picture is simply transactional.
OK, I do this and you do this. If you don’t do this, what’s wrong with you? But high resolution picture comes by focussing on people, not just as transactional units, but as conscious beings. And to develop high resolution picture, we can just listen to them patiently and try to understand the currency in which they are trading.
What is their value to them? And that way we can understand them and we can increase our sensitivity. So we don’t want to be carried away by our emotions. And that same thread, we don’t be carried away by the emotions that arise because of other’s actions.
You have to respond in a mature way. And then lastly, I talked about spirituality. So on the spiritual path, we want to be sensitive, but not sentimental.
And I talked about spirituality can mean three things. It can mean it makes me something that feels good, some kind of practise and a level of reality. So the fundamental aspect of spirituality we need to understand, it’s a level of reality that we need to ascend to.
And when we get to that level of reality by practising certain processes, then we will feel good. Not just feel good in the sense of having a good mood, but that feel good comes by connection with the ultimate goal. So even when distresses come, if we have ascended to the spiritual level of reality, then it’s like we have five million dollars.
So a five dollar loss doesn’t trouble us so much. So trouble won’t trouble us so much. It’s not that we feel good because nothing bad happens, but because something far better is going on in our lives.
So even if a dirty river pours into the ocean, the ocean is so big, a dirty river doesn’t matter. So spirituality means to invoke the oceanic Krishna in our hearts. And when we connect with Krishna, then the rivers of life’s ups and downs won’t trouble us so much.
Bad things can happen to anyone’s life, but even if we can’t be grateful for all situations, we can be grateful in all situations by not looking and obsessing with the present, but looking at the bigger picture. And bad things happen. Everything that happens may not be good, but everything that happens can be for good.
So if you stay connected with Krishna, then greater than the world’s power to hurt is Krishna’s power to heal. By connecting with Krishna, not only will we be healed from life’s wounds, but we will also become healing agents to help others heal from their wounds. Thank you very much.
Hare Krishna. Any questions or comments? Maybe we can go around this quickly. All of you can speak on one point which struck you, which you are carrying home with you.
Do we have another mic? Oh, here it is. It’s here. You can start.
The one thing that struck me in your talk was your statement that Krishna’s healing power allows you to become a healer. Yes. I really like that insofar as I found that if you don’t react to If you don’t react to other people’s negative attention towards you, that it offers them an opportunity to see that reflected back to them.
Because if you react negatively to them, it only builds the negative energy that’s happening between the two. So if you are strong enough to endure what’s coming at you and allow them to perhaps witness what’s unfolding without that reaction, you might have the opportunity to help others. Thank you.
The one thing that struck me was from your first section about the sentiment. You mentioned that mind has this ability of eternalising things. If you think about it in that way, that’s the best way to deal with ups and downs or catastrophic situations.
Because during that time, at least I’m so stuck that I keep thinking and harbouring that situation back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. That’s true. So the example that you gave, I mean, that’s at least in one way which I can relate to and build the inner strength to counter the situation.
Yes, thank you. Today’s problems are manageable today. What happens? The mind piles yesterday’s problems and tomorrow’s problems on top of today’s problems.
Then it becomes unmanageable. So don’t eternalise the problems. Good point.
Thank you. Yes, please. I also wanted to speak a little bit about the same thing.
I wanted to say thank you very much for clarifying some things, like saying this metaphor, it thinks about the hard times, it’s like a tunnel, so it’s always there. It’s learning that. And your other metaphor, it’s kind of helpful because it’s building a more clear picture from the chaos to understanding your mind better.
Then you can function more properly. This knowledge is all inside, like by your knowledge and your setup, you kind of build it in a new way that it becomes more clear and more understandable. Oh, I’m happy.
You can really bring this to action. It’s not like it’s just something in there, but it can be really good to an action. Yeah, that’s beautifully put.
We all have, we could say, some knowledge that is articulated knowledge and some knowledge that is like sensed knowledge. I think I know this, but we can’t put it in words. And the sensed knowledge cannot be as easily accessed as articulated knowledge.
So when something is sensed, but we get it articulated, then it becomes easier to access it, to apply it and to benefit from it. So, happy to be of service. Thank you.
Yeah. So, I just really like the example that you gave. There’s a picture running.
There’s a movie running in our mind, and we are like the stars in the movie. And it’s working. I really like that part, and that’s really, really true because we look at this world from our lens.
We have a lens on ourselves, and we look at everyone in all these situations the way we want to see it. And that is a very, actually a very wrong way of perceiving the entire world. And, you know, all the points that you have put today, it helps, it will definitely help us to look at people and their emotions in a more broader way.
And I think one of the very major steps to the spiritual process is this, that you actually, you may be a star in the movie, but you have to realise that everyone else are their own stars and you need to acknowledge them better. That’s well put. Thank you.
We are all otherwise, like all wannabe stars seeking attention. Isn’t it? And most conflicts arise because one star is not acknowledging the other star. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you so much. So many points.
Seeing what currency, know that I’ve experienced misunderstanding myself because a person is in a different currency. And I’ve witnessed it another time. It just makes so much more sense if you can really see what’s valuable to them and what’s, you know, valuable to you, and then really work through it that way.
Yeah. First we can actually, once we understand their currency, we try to offer them something in their currency. And then some trust, some relationship, and then gradually we can ask in our currency.
So then if they start doing, then there’s reciprocation, then the bonding can become much better. Thank you. Yeah.
It’s very hard to choose one thing out of everything you’ve said. But I have one, the big troubled sun. And Krishna, when we’re gravitating towards Krishna, he’s there for us.
But what I’m grappling with right now is that it sounds like a perk, a really big great perk, you know, to be with Krishna. And my understanding is that we’re not supposed to, you know, everything is to serve Krishna, not for perks. I don’t know if I’m making any sense, but I think you know what I mean.
Okay, yeah. That’s a good point, yeah. I don’t, maybe, I don’t even want to answer that now because it’s supposed to be just, you know, what we have, our reflection for this lecture.
Yes, thank you. Well, I quickly mentioned that. I think it’s a valid point.
You also mentioned that we should be concerned about Krishna’s feelings, not our feelings. That’s true. Is it that our own being freed from trouble, we should not even be worried about that.
We should be, that’s just a perk. We should focus on simply pleasing Krishna. Yes and no.
What I mean by that is that we can look at things in two different ways. One is that we want to become selfless. We are all self-centred.
We want to become selfless. But another way of looking at it is also that we want a more elevated level of selfishness. The Bhagavatam states, na te viduhu svartha gatim hi vishnu.
Saint Prahlad is saying that most people don’t understand that their real self-interest is Krishna. So what that means is that we don’t have to necessarily think that Krishna and I are separate. It is not that Krishna wants to be happy and Krishna wants me to be unhappy.
It is not that Krishna wants me to prove my devotion to him by my giving him happiness at the cost of my unhappiness. Krishna is not a sadistic God like that at all. But it is sometimes that there may be some things like say a child has to get an injection or somebody has to go to a surgeon.
There are some times when pain may be required for recovery. It is not that we be unconcerned about our individuality. Even in the spiritual world, each Gopi serves Krishna in her own individual way.
Her concern is pleasing Krishna. But each Gopi will serve Krishna. She will cook particular items for Krishna according to what she is best able to.
She will dress in a particular way. She will talk with Krishna in a particular way. She will sing a particular song.
She will dance in a particular way with Krishna. Mother Yashoda, she cooks certain things for Krishna. So we have our individuality.
And it is not that our individuality is to be rejected in our spirituality. Rather our individuality in its pure sense manifests. So should we be unconcerned about trouble? Like I said earlier that we are our only resource.
So I cannot, if I become so unconcerned about trouble, but eventually that trouble overpowers me and crushes me, then I won’t be able to serve Krishna anymore. So for example, say if my body has a particular need, my mind has a particular capacity, so then I need to serve Krishna within the limits of my body and mind. Occasionally I might stretch myself.
But if regularly I start stretching myself too much, I’ll collapse. And then how will I serve Krishna? So we don’t work for our body or mind, but we don’t work against our body and mind also. We work with our body and mind for Krishna.
So I wouldn’t call concern for what troubles our body and mind as self-centredness. Because ultimately why are we concerned about my body and mind? It could be because these give me pleasure or it could be because these are my resources for serving Krishna. And for most of us, it is in between the two.
Both are there to some extent. But gradually we’ll move from the first to the second. So it’s that we don’t want to make relief from trouble as the motivation for our practising devotion.
Because sometimes devotion itself may lead to trouble in the sense that if we take up any responsible service. When Srila Prabhupada was in India, in Vrindavan, he respected a saintly person. He was in the land of Krishna.
He could have been happy. When he came to America, there was so much trouble at that time. Nobody knew him.
He didn’t know anyone. And people didn’t know Krishna. He had to share with them.
It was so difficult for him. So his purpose was not to get relief from trouble. His purpose was to connect with Krishna and connect others with Krishna.
But in that process, if sometimes we need to take up trouble, we are ready to take up that. But in that process, if trouble goes away, that’s also wonderful. So it’s not that we are unconcerned about trouble or pleasure.
It is our primary concern is the purpose of connecting with Krishna. And while connecting with Krishna, if we can make that connection with the least trouble, that’s fine. For example, if somebody is sitting in this class, and if you find sitting on the floor difficult, sit on a chair.
The important thing is to hear about Krishna. He says, no, I will sit. And throughout the class, you’re thinking about the pain in our back and our knees, and you can’t hear anything.
Then you may say, I’m not going to run away from this trouble. Okay, I’m not, I’m tolerating the trouble, but am I moving toward Krishna? So the focus should not be unconcerned about the trouble. The focus has to be concerned for connecting with Krishna.
And connecting with Krishna, if you can do it with the minimum trouble, fine. But we don’t want minimum trouble at the cost of our connection with Krishna. While connecting with Krishna, we can do with minimum trouble.
So it’s not that we don’t care for our feelings, but we don’t care so much for our feelings that we start doing things which will displease Krishna. So if we say, consider that this is Krishna’s feelings, and this is my feelings. The stable zone is the intersection of the two.
Sometimes we may have to do some things which don’t feel good to us at all. But for sustainability in our bhakti, we need to be in the intersection. Something which feels good to me, and something which is also part of Krishna bhakti.
So Krishna will also be pleased by that. Now sometimes something which feels really good to me will take me out of the circle of what pleases Krishna. And those good feelings, I have to avoid.
So it’s more we could say that enlightened self-interest versus ignorant self-interest. Ignorant self-interest is whatever immediately feels good, I want to do that. Enlightened self-interest is where what works best for my body and mind, I won’t use the word feel good, because it has a negative connotation, what works best for my body and mind, in a way that it elevates my soul.
That’s how I can work. That’s a long answer. I’ll resist the temptation to answer any more questions now.
To overcome some of the problems that we have. The dryness can be overcome. Juice, nectar you can feel.
Thank you. Yes, thank you. Wonderful.
Yes, in the middle. Thank you for coming. So one way the mind makes us feel the present is going, eternalises the present, is by making us feel this class is going on forever.
So it is going to end soon. We just have the feedback now. Thank you.
I think that wish is coming from illusion. Thank you. That’s good.
Yes. Yes. That’s a very good point, yes.
Thank you. I have two quick points. One is you mentioned hurt people hurt people.
That reminded me of the swimming lifeguards. They are trained that when you see someone drowning, you have to save them. If you don’t try to approach them from the front, because they will fight you and bring you down.
So they say come from the back and then drag them from the head. So I like the point you made about hurt people hurt people. That’s a good example.
That’s a very careful way. They will fight you. The other thing you mentioned about arm wrestling.
Just stay in the game. Something like that. I think what you mentioned is a similar point.
You say stay in the game. Or stay alive. You say just stay alive and go to the verse.
Yeah. The third point. I don’t remember.
Yeah, you mentioned about. On the same point of hurt people hurt people, there is this biblical saying that do unto others. Sorry, when you mentioned trading currencies, how people trade in different currencies, I was thinking of that verse from the Bible.
I think do unto others as you would have others do unto you. But sometimes I might have a certain preference. And I think this is what other person’s preference is.
And I would do that and they might not be happy. But instead do unto others as they would like to be done unto them. Not as you would like them to do unto us.
That’s a good way of putting it in this context. Thank you. Yes, please.
It’s similar to Phil’s on that. I was thinking I was with children. And oftentimes I’ll get a file on me.
So I know what they’re coming in with. I have special needs children. So I know what they’re coming in with.
Yeah. And so oftentimes I think that my students have bad days all the time. So I try to always remember they’re not giving me a hard time, but they’re having a hard time.
So I’m trying to transfer that to my personal life where I deal with, you know, family, devotees, you know. And where I’m thinking with empathy like you were saying and to understand the currency which they’re trading in and to understand where they’re coming from. You know, to say not just that they’re having a hard time.
They’re not trying to make it offensive to me or give me trouble. They’re just having a hard time to understand where they’re coming from and having that empathy. Because if they’re not seeing or if they don’t feel like they’re heard, they can’t take any feedback from me to grow and grow that way.
That’s true, yeah. You know, people don’t become ready to understand unless they feel understood. So it’s very valuable.
Thank you. Yeah. Yeah.
Nicely put. Not reacting to their actions, but understanding their emotions. Thank you.
Okay. One thing that struck me is in talking about the sentimental and the sensitive is how important it can be to be a secure person emotionally. That struck me.
And how that plays into what it is to be a humble person. Because a lot of times I feel like there’s a lot of oscillation between, well, I’m really proud or I’m really down on myself. And then, you know, we’re perceiving everything in a certain way through that lens.
And I feel like your talk really helped me to understand more what the balance is and what humility might actually look like and how that self-care and emotional maturity and the secure connection to Krishna is all required in order to progress and to have some understanding. Broadly, I put humility as, humility means to not let our ego come in the way of our purpose. It doesn’t mean being purposeless or letting others obstruct us in our purpose.
This is important for me. This is so important for me. Whether people respect me or not, I will persist in this.
But if I, in the name of being humble, I let others walk over me, then I am letting go of my purpose itself. Humility means to not let our ego come in the way of our purpose. Thank you.
Yes. Especially in the place of emotions in the practise of bhakti. And in that sense, I like the last section where you mentioned how in spirituality, how these three things are there.
One is the reality and also the process which takes us to that reality. And also the emotions that we experience in the practise of that reality. Instead of the other way, it all starts from how I feel.
Instead of coming to a certain level of reality and focussing on the process, and how we feel. That’s true. Get the hierarchy right, then we’ll be steady.
If you make the emotions the most important thing, then we’ll be very unsteady. Thank you. Yes.
That is an important part in not treating relationships as transactional. It’s really important. But I feel sometimes, especially when we work outside in the world, the world is very transactional.
And so I almost feel schizophrenic sometimes, you know, being at work, especially in like a corporate finance environment, where everyone is like out to get each other, and you have to be transactional. And, you know, I can’t be like, you know, looking deeply into Gershwin’s eyes and trying to understand his emotions. It’s like, hey, get the hell out of here.
Get me my spreadsheet. Do this to me fast. It’s very transactional.
But then coming home or coming into a temple or a community setting and not taking that mood and applying it to this setting, because then that really creates havoc in the relationship. So I really need to hear that. Thank you.
That’s a great point. Yeah, thank you for saying that. I think one thing is we can start with that non-transactional view with some people.
And as you said, it’s difficult to have different frames. But it’s also true that we often, with respect to relationship, we can do more than what we think we can do. It’s like, say, if you’re talking with a child, automatically you’ll use simple vocabulary and you don’t have to think about it.
So to some extent, there are mechanisms within us which help us to behave rightly with different people. In general, when we come to a particular place, we try to fit into that place. That’s important for us to be able to function in that place.
So if the place itself is based on transactional interactions, then we fit into that. But if we come in a devotee community, and at least there are some people in the devotee community who are non-transactional, then that will remind us. So one is ourselves.
At least we’re shortlisting one or two people with whom we’ll be non-transactional. And having some non-transactional interactions with the devotees, that can help in going toward that higher resolution. Thank you.
Anyone else? Yes. Okay. Yeah.
That’s a good point. Yeah. Sometimes, no matter how much we explain, some people just, what happens is that person convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.
So it’s better to let some argument just go rather than, that’s true. Thank you. Anyone else? Why have you not paid me till now? Begin with that.
Have I paid you? Begin with that. That’s a good way. Thank you.
Anyone else? Different relationship. Yeah. So I think different relationships function best at different distances.
So sometimes, some people, they will not understand us very deeply. And we also needn’t try to go too deep because it’s not going to, you can have some people, maybe a transactional relationship, the rest you can have. And that’s fine in some cases.
Some cases we can go deeper. Every relationship has an obligatory aspect and a voluntary aspect. The transaction is obligatory.
You have to do it, I have to do it. But the opening of the heart, the connecting, it’s voluntary. Now we can try to do it from our part.
If the other person is resisting, then we can’t keep endeavouring for too long. This is the level of this relationship function. That’s good enough.
We can move on. Thank you. I’m not sure some of you came in late.
If you’d like to share some point, please feel free. Otherwise, no obligation. It’s voluntary.
So, thank you very much for your participation. Krishna Prabhupada Ki Jai! Gaur Bhakta Vrinda Ki Jai! Yathai Gaur Premanande! Krishna Prabhupada Ki Jai!