Should devotees who like each other but have incompatible horoscopes get married?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

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Question If two devotees like each other and want to get married and they don’t have any parents but their horoscopes don’t match, what should they do? Answer Horoscopes are an important factor in deciding major life decisions like marriages at the same time they are not all important so broadly speaking the horoscopes what they tell is basically like a weather report so if a weather report tells us that there is going to be a storm or there is going to be a landslide in a particular area, we may decide not to go in that area or if we have some important work which just can’t be avoided then we may still go but then we will take adequate precautions and will be prepared to better deal with whatever adversities come along the way similarly horoscopes are like weather maps we could say in the journey of life and we may when the weather maps are when the horoscopes are very negative we may decide not to go on a particular journey such as in this case a journey of a relationship at the same time if we decide to embark on that journey because of say strong feelings for one another then at the very least one should not act immediately on those feelings have a adequately long courting period so that we can observe each other in a wide variety of situations and we feel confident and committed to that relationship not just based on initial feelings but on initial feelings which may well be infatuation but we feel attracted and committed based on attraction that has withstood the test of time and if that happens then in the long run eventually when whatever difficulties come up in the relationship one will be better equipped because of certain things people change our own dispositions change and then we may not have the same level of attraction to each other later so we need to have a commitment that goes beyond just the feelings of the mind and that’s why having a delaying marriage and having a longer courtship may well be a better way to understand one’s compatibility better now even with respect to the horoscopes not matching one may want to consider how much is the mismatch that is being talked about by horoscopes so if the serious or total mismatch then one may want to have serious reconsideration about the relationship but if one decides to go on with the relationship then one should not internally be insecure and internally be hesitant or half-hearted and then sabotage the relationship by that because if we go into any activity with a negative attitude often our negativity becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and that may aggravate whatever problems may come inevitably so also it if one decides to go in that relationship then one may consult some devotee astrologers and some senior devotees to take their blessings especially we take the blessings of senior devotees and also we consult some devotee astrologers who may be able to tell us some precautionary measures that we can take in those situations to minimize the complications that come up the power of devotion is such that it can ultimately enable us to tolerate and transcend whatever comes upon us at a material level and it can also change what comes upon at a material level that is the potency of devotion but the challenge often is that how much is how potent is our practice of devotion and when our practice of devotion may not be all that wholehearted then it can lead to problems so it is good to have some precautionary measures and such precautionary measures can occur more effectively when one has consulted both devotees as well as some devotee astrologers and based on that one has taken a decision with due preparedness so now there are various situations within this dynamic a lot may depend on how much is one’s conviction in the practice of bhakti and the potency of bhakti how much was one’s faith earlier in astrology and how much is one’s faith in astrology right now and how much is one’s own one’s own the strength of one’s own intention to pursue that relationship so if if the intention to pursue that relationship is very strong and one has not much faith in astrology now the reality is not determined by one’s faith but one’s faith can determine one’s mentality towards whatever happens and if say because of having a very strong inclination to pursue a particular relationship and one one starts becoming negative and blaming towards astrology and if one is introduced to astrology or one’s faith in astrology or one’s decision to consult astrology came from devotees then later on in the future some problems come up then one may blame say one doesn’t pursue that relationship because devotees or astrologers tell one to do so and later on one has some problems in the relationship then one may blame devotees or one may blame the astrologer that because of you I couldn’t get a fulfilling relationship and one may feel that I would have had a better relationship with someone I was attracted to instead of someone with whom I am not so comfortable so that blaming attitude should be avoided and that avoidance also means that those devotees or astrologers who are guiding they also should not be too forceful about such things so the point is that it is better to pursue a relationship and face some complications within that relationship rather than to become hostile or distanced from devotees because of something like this so we always need to maintain a positive disposition towards Krishna and devotees and conversely we shouldn’t also blame that relationship later if problems come up after we have entered the relationship and then if only I had listened earlier to the astrologers or if I had listened to whoever was guiding me against this relationship so basically we need to deliberate very deeply ourselves and give good enough time for inner deliberation and outer observation to see how the relationship evolves and eventually whatever decision we take we have to take it based on our individual responsibility and rather than and when in future some difficulties come there is no need to blame others for those blame either each other for whatever problems are coming or blame those who guided one for those problems that are coming it is at one level we could see that everyone faces problems in life and therefore there is no necessary guarantee that just by having astrologically compatible marriage there will be no problems nor is there a guarantee that by having a astrologically incompatible marriage there will be catastrophic problems but whatever way life turns out to be we need to be prepared to take responsibility for our decisions so if one feels that the risks are too much and better not get involved in this better try to find some other relationship to pursue that is also an acceptable decision but it should be taken more out of caution and reasonable and proper contemplation rather than just of some paranoid kind of fear because again if we take it out of paranoid kind of fear we may later on driven by emotions now we are driven by emotions later on we are driven by emotions we may regret oh I was too fearful at that time conversely if we take a decision to pursue the relationship that also should not be taken just by feelings just because we are attracted to another or just because we feel that we are practicing bhakti and Krishna will take care of everything this also should be taken care with due deliberation and done in such a way that one recognizes that we will be prepared for whatever we face in life so it is also very helpful to pray to Krishna and maybe write a journal at least for some specified period of time by which we can observe ourselves carefully and by observing ourselves carefully by a journal often helps us to act helps us to get a snapshot of our mind writing down one’s thoughts one’s hopes one’s concerns one’s fears and if you find that the same same same kind of thoughts stay consistently for a period of weeks and months and that means these are not just this is not just a passing passing emotions but they are lasting inclinations you could say of course all this is if one has the opportunity to consult one’s spiritual master and get guidance from that that is of course a traditionally much more preferred way to make decisions like this but in situations when that kind of guidance is not available for whatever reason we have not decided who our spiritual master is or we don’t have access to the spiritual master or whatever and even if we are going to ask our spiritual master it is better that we do our homework so that at least we present our case properly just like when we go to a doctor if we list our symptoms properly then the doctor can make a proper diagnosis and give a proper prescription similarly doing the internal homework and thinking beyond feelings and arriving at an understanding of one’s own steady inclinations then one can consult, deliberate pray to Krishna and then take an appropriate decision Thank you