Speaking forcefully often gets people to take things seriously – is such speech angry and to be avoided?

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Hare Krishna.
Sometimes, when we speak forcefully to people, that’s when they listen to us. So, is that is that becoming angry or is that undesirable at all? Is that required sometimes? Yeah. You see that there is basically there are three, you could say three distinct things.
There is being passive, there is being aggressive and there is being assertive. So, sometimes tolerance is equated with being passive. No, tolerance is not passivity.
We all need to be assertive. So, the Bhagavad Gita tells Arjuna, tam siddhiksya sa bharata, tolerate. That’s the message in the Bhagavad Gita, tolerate.
The same Bhagavad Gita is actually spoken to Arjuna to get him to fight. So, Krishna is not telling Arjuna, the Kauravas, you know, they dishonored your wife, they dispossessed you of your kingdom, just tolerate it all. Krishna is not telling that.
So, when we talk about tolerance, what does it actually mean? Sometimes if we equate tolerance with simply passivity. No, that is not tolerance. That is actually, if you consider the Bhagavad Gita talks about three modes of material nature, goodness, passion, ignorance.
So, passivity is in the mode of ignorance. Tolerance is in the mode of goodness. The key difference between the two is that tolerance means that we keep small things small so that we can focus on the big things.
Tolerance means that it’s not that we treat big things also as small and not do anything about anything. It’s not that. Say, if I am driving to office for an important appointment and some crazy driver just cuts across me and then I have to brake and somehow I just avoid the accident.
I can get angry. Fool, what did you do? I can get angry and I’ll give you a piece. We start chasing after them.
We say, I’ll hand you over to the cops. And we go all over the town trying to catch that person. And then we have an important meeting and we don’t reach that meeting only.
What has happened? Okay, this person cut across me. Small thing. Let me move on.
I have an important meeting to attend. So, tolerance is what it enables us to keep small things so that we can focus on the small things small so that we can focus on the big things. So, similarly focusing on the big things is not lack of tolerance.
So, if when I become aggressive basically when we become aggressive we just lose our sense of proportion. Sometimes what happens is when we basically become angry we sometimes, there is a small provocation small provocation that’s a huge explosion. I make, somebody makes a small mistake and then other person blasts on them like as if they have committed murder.
So, anger basically leads to a disproportionate reaction. But that doesn’t mean that sometimes a strong action is not required. There are certain things which are big in our life and they have to be given due importance, due attention.
So, when we are speaking strongly to people if our strong speech is proportionate with what is required at that point that is simply being assertive. So, when we become aggressive we often, so one thing is sense of proportion. So, when we become disproportionate then it’s aggression.
But when it’s proportionate it’s being assertive. Just like if somebody is a parent and they want to discipline their child. If they just don’t do anything they stay passive, the child will go into all sorts of bad things.
But if they become aggressive and just suppress the child completely the child will never grow. So, certain discipline has to be proportionate. So, sense of proportion is one thing.
And second thing is that another major difference between being aggressive and being assertive is that generally when we become aggressive we mix observation and evaluation. That means we make a value judgment about the person. When we are assertive we don’t go on the person.
We focus on the behavior. Say for example, you are such an irresponsible fool. If I start a conversation like that what is going to happen? That person will try to feel how you are irresponsible and often whatever is the issue that will just get lost.
So, in the Bhagavad Gita one characteristic of knowledge in the mode of ignorance. Knowledge and ignorance normally think as opposite. But knowledge in the mode of ignorance, Krishna says, what does it mean? That means we take one thing and make it into everything.
To observe one facet of reality and make that as everything. So, yes, a person has a particular fault. They are never on time.
Just always keep getting late, keep getting late, keep getting late. Now, yes, that is a fault and that fault needs to be corrected. But that does not necessarily mean that that person is worthless.
That person is flawed in character. That does not mean the person is… There are so many other vices that are there which may be far more grave than being unpunctual. Unpunctuality is also a problem.
But the point is, again, we cannot label a person based on just one aspect of them. So, when I say you are an irresponsible fool, what is happening? I am judging that person based on that particular action. So, I am generalizing from that action to making a whole character assessment of the person.
Then it becomes a problem. Then that person becomes very much on the defensive. But when I am assertive, it is focused.
You know, when you don’t come on time, 30 other people are inconvenienced because they all need you to be there for doing their part of the work. It is a big loss for all of us. And if this continues, you will be replaced by someone else.
So, this is objective. We are not labeling that person. We are just pointing out that this is a problematic action and it will have problematic consequences.
Unless we tell that, as you said, if you are not careful while administering medicines, you can kill someone. It is an obvious consequence. If instead of from that point, I say you are just irresponsible or whatever, then that becomes much more difficult for people to digest.
And then they also retaliate. So, if I am being assertive, that doesn’t necessarily mean I am being angry. I am just having the requisite strength which is required.
People don’t sometimes get things if they are spoken very mildly. Some things have to be spoken strongly. Some things have to be emphasized.
So, as long as there is a sense of proportion and there is objectivity, not just like a character assessment basically, there is objectivity in the statement that we make, then that’s essential. Krishna also does that. Krishna tells Arjuna that you have to kill these people.
It’s an extreme thing to do. But then Krishna says, don’t have any animosity against them. Krishna says in 11.33, they are your enemies, kill them.
Chahi Shatrumma, Jitva Shatrun Bhoomshu Rajyam Sunanda. Kill your enemies. That same Krishna, 22 verses later in 11.55 says, Nirvairah Sarvabhooteshu.
Act without animosity towards anyone. So, Arjuna is being told to kill the enemies. He is also being told, don’t have animosity towards them.
So, in the Bhagavad Gita, when Arjuna fought the Kurukshetra war, it was not to take revenge. It was not to get even. He fought to establish Dharma.
To establish the rule of virtue. Those who were vicious, they had to be removed from power. But that does not mean that he had a personal vendetta.
So, he was assertive, not aggressive. Thank you.