Sunday Feast Class HG Chaitanya Charan Prabhu 16 Feb 2025 @ISKCONCAMPPUNE

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Hare Krishna. So, I am very fortunate to be here with all of you and in the lotus feet of Radha Panjabhai.
Today, on the basis of Tashamsakam, the conversation that is going on, Akroor and Dutrashtra, On the basis of this, we will discuss how attachment and affection, what is the difference between them? How can we show love in our relationships without being attached? So, we will discuss the relationship between Dutrashtra and Duryodhana on the basis of this. I will use this for notes. Attachment, not the same as affection.
So, what is the difference in this? Prabhupadaji, in the Gita, Chapter 13, verse 8 to 12, the twenty characteristics of knowledge, He says that the feeling of love is natural, but we should not be attached to it. So, these words seem very similar. And how can we understand the difference between them? So, many times in our life, when we have a relationship with someone, it can be a family relationship, it can be a friendship relationship, so at that time, we want to do something for that person.
Like Prabhupadaji says that when there is love, the natural characteristic of love is service. And this is in our relationship with God, and it happens in every relationship. If we love someone, we want to do something for them.
So, when we are doing something for someone, So, what we are doing, when is it benefiting that person, when is it good for that person, when is it bad for that person. So, when can we decide that I will do this for you, or I will not do this for you. I cannot do this.
So, this is the difference between attachment and affection. A while ago, I was in America. So, now, I have a problem.
What is in America? Now, many people go there illegally. The visa process is very lengthy. So, many people do not get the visa.
So, when they do not get the visa, they try in different ways. In South India, there are many Ganeshji temples. These temples are known as Visa Ganesh Temple.
Ganeshji is a Vinayak Vignanashak. And my life will be complete if I go to America. But going to America is a problem.
American Embassy is not giving me visa. So, if they are not giving me visa, what should I do? So, I pray. So, this is one thing.
But some people go there illegally. A couple of years ago, I think there was a movie in Bollywood. What was the name? Dunkey.
Yes, something like that. I think it was in Europe. They were going to the UK.
But many people go to India illegally. So, this devotee was telling me that he has a friend who has come to America in this way. And he told him that he has become a devotee now.
And he is becoming one. So, he was saying that he wants to stay in America now. And he wants to… He is not a devotee in the temple.
He is a separate person. He was saying that he wants to help him forge some papers. He wants to forge some papers illegally.
He wants to forge his passport. He can do this. There is a lot of danger in this.
He was saying that he is my good friend. He is becoming a devotee. So, if I do this for him, will this serve in devotion? Or if I don’t do this, am I not serving a devotee? Am I not serving a devotee? So, now, when such a question arises, what happens with Allah Ta’ala? Situations arise in our lives that if we want to do something for others, to what extent do we have to do? So, to help you, I can do some inconvenience.
What I will do for you, it can be that it is easy for me. The service I am doing, it can be easy at times. What does easy mean? If someone has a lot of money, if someone needs money, give him some money.
There is no difference. Something can be a little uncomfortable. It is not a little easy.
Something can be unethical. What does unethical mean? You lie for me. I went here, but you went there.
You lie for me. Something can be illegal. There is a difference between unethical and illegal.
So, suppose we have a friend, he has helped us a lot. And he says, I need money right now. Please help me.
I said, Okay, I will help you as much as I can. What do you want to do? He said, I have made a plan that I am going to rob a bank. You come and help me rob a bank.
I said, I can’t do this. How can you be my friend? You don’t help me. So, sometimes what happens? If someone asks a question, you don’t have to answer the question.
You don’t have to answer. You should ask question after question. If someone asks, How can you be my friend? You don’t help me.
So, what should we say? How can you be my friend that you are asking for such help from me? Isn’t it? So, if we love someone or want to help someone, we have to help them. But to what extent do we have to go? To what extent do we have to go? When I was in Canada, there was a Canadian devotee. He was telling how when he was coming for bhakti, actually, he was in Canada.
Where was he? He was in Philadelphia, in America. So, he was telling how he was around 60-70 years old. So, when he came for the programme, mostly Indians came.
So, he was among 2-4 Americans in the programme. So, I saw him. She was a small 4 year old girl.
So, he met her today. He was talking to her after the programme. He said, She is my granddaughter.
What do you call? Granddaughter. She is my granddaughter. So, what happened was that she lives with us now.
Her mother, sometimes in America, abortion is very rare. If there is no abortion, they say that the father is not in the picture. So, they don’t get beaten.
So, she was a single mother. And that single mother was addicted to drugs. She was addicted to drugs.
So, she didn’t take care of her child. So, she was in a lot of trouble. So, they kept her in their house.
So, what did she do? She stole money from the house for drugs. And then what happened was that she kept the gas oven of her house on and took the money and drugs. And her daughter was at home.
And what happened was that her daughter was sleeping. She was small. She was 2-2.5 years old.
She was sleeping. No one came to know. She was sleeping.
And the whole gas spread. Smoke started coming. And because of the smoke, she could have died.
So, a neighbour called the fire service. And when they came, they saved her. And when her daughter came back, she was so stoned on drugs.
What happened? They were scolding her. She didn’t understand anything. Why were they scolding her so much? What happened? Nothing happened to her.
Then they decided that she can neither live in our house nor can she take care of this child. So, what did they do? They filed a court case against her And they took her custody rights from her own daughter to them. So, they said that my daughter has gone to the de-addiction centre.
But she went to jail for some time. Then she was in the de-addiction centre. They said that she was so angry with us for the first 6-7 months.
You took my daughter from me. What kind of parents are you? That you do this to your daughter. But they were saying that we were traumatised at that time.
So, they started doing bhakti. They were looking for different things. So, they came to the temple.
Since then, they started doing bhakti. Then they said that now our daughter has become a little sober. And she understood what was happening at that time.
So, they were saying that You have not only saved my daughter from me. You have also saved me from me. You have not only saved my daughter from me.
But you have also saved me from me. So, why am I giving this example? Sometimes what happens is that we want to help others. We want to help others.
But sometimes the help can be harmful. The help we give sometimes increases the trouble of that person. So, the grandfathers were talking to me.
That is when I told them the story of Dhritarashtra. The relationship between Dhritarashtra and Duryodhana was like that of a father. The love for his son is natural.
But what does a person do for it? To what extent does he go? And to what extent is it right to go? Where is it wrong to go? So, what is the difference between love and attachment? In simple terms, we will elaborate on this with more examples. Affection and attachment. So, affection means when we love someone, when we love someone, we don’t like to say no.
When they ask for something, we don’t like to say no. If a child asks for a chocolate, if he asks for something to eat, if he asks for a toy, it is natural for the parents to keep their child happy. So, if they don’t want to say no, it doesn’t feel good to say no.
If someone doesn’t like to say no, there is no love there. There is no other emotion in the mind. So, if you get joy in saying no, then that relationship is in big trouble.
But there is one thing, don’t like to say no. Attachment means can’t say no. That we can’t say no to you.
Whatever you ask for, I will give it to you. For example, a small child, he may have a habit of eating a lot of chocolate. And because of that, his teeth have started to deteriorate.
And now, the doctor says, don’t give him chocolate. And the child says, I want chocolate. And if the mother says, I can never say no to you.
So, if the mother can’t say no, then she is not worthy of being a mother. So, what happens is, if we can never say no to someone, then that is a sign of attachment. It is not called attachment, but it is an unhealthy attachment.
This is such an attachment, it is dangerous. So, Dhritarashtra could never say no to Duryodhana. Akroor has come here too.
And Akroor is trying to teach Dhritarashtra. And he is telling that you should look at Pandavas and Kauravas equally. Now, in a way, a father’s love for his son is natural.
And that should also be there. But, for that love, suppose there is a father who is a teacher. And every father wants that his child should be good in school.
But, if the father wants that his child should come first in school, then he will leak the school papers to his son. And what will happen to him? He will get all the answers first. So, is the father doing good for his son by doing this? No.
What happens is, whatever love is, it needs boundaries. Boundaries are very important. So, suppose there is a child.
His parents want him to come first in class. And he is not that good. He is not that intelligent.
He does not study that much. So, he never comes first. Then one day he comes.
Mom, Dad, I came first in class. Very good. Congratulations.
How did you do it? He says, I learned computer hacking. And I hacked my teacher’s computer. Before that, I had prepared all the answers.
And I came first. So, if the child says this, then the parents will say, I did not want this. What kind of a person are you that you think it is right to do this? And what kind of a person are you that you think I will be happy with this? If the parents are happy with this, then the parents will also be happy.
So, from both perspectives, love is a bond. But in love, bonds are important. But boundaries are also important.
Bonds are those which take us closer to that person. Because of which we want to do something These are bonds. But what are boundaries? Yes, I will help you.
But to what extent will I help? So, what I am going to say in this class will be summarised in a diagram. What is it? In our relationship, bonds are important and boundaries are also important. So, if bonds are yes and bonds are no, and if boundaries are yes and if boundaries are no.
So, these are the four elements. Now, how are bonds and boundaries? We have also been told in the Upanishads that shadvidham pritilakshanam And these six things or as it is said in the Anukulyas and Pratikulyas, Some things are favourable and some are unfavourable. Atyahar Prayas is unfavourable to devotion.
So, we have to stay away from it. We have to keep boundaries against it. Utsaha, Nishchayat, Dhairyat, what are these? We have to make bonds against them.
We have to do that. So, both are important in a way. And affection comes here.
The attachment that is bonds without boundaries. There are bonds. But what is it? I can do anything for you.
It feels good to hear emotionally. But to do anything for someone emotionally what is it? In reality, it can be good for that person or it can be good for us. So, if there are no bonds or boundaries then what is it? There is no relationship at all.
So, I don’t care for you. And then if there are boundaries but no bonds then what happens? There is no attachment. There is control.
In some relationships they just try to control. What is complete emotion? I will show you something new but you should listen to me. So, these relationships are unsatisfactory.
Prabhupada ji says that Krishnabhavanam is a movement. It has a purpose. What is the purpose? To bring all people closer to each other and closer to Krishna, the prime entity.
That everyone should come closer to each other and they should come closer to Krishna. This is the purpose of Krishnabhavanam movement. So, now we see that the relationship between Dhritarashtra and Duryodhana was dangerous for both of them.
And then we see three principles how we can check ourselves that what I am doing for someone it can be our children, it can be our family members, it can be a counsellor doing something for his counsellor, it can be a counsellor doing something for his counsellor. To what extent can someone do that? We will see three guidelines for that. Now, this story in Mahabharata as far as description is concerned that when Dhritarashtra was born because he did not have eyes that is why he did not have the ability to become a king.
It is necessary for a king to fight. So, his body was powerful as a warrior but he did not have eyes that is why he could not become a king. So, naturally he was disappointed.
But there was no description that he was jealous of Pandu. Pandu respected his elder brother and Dhritarashtra got a very good wife who always supported him, Gandhari. And in a way she was satisfied that I am not going to become a king but I am in a royal family.
But how does it happen? The good relationship and the bad relationship the good relationship and the bad relationship So, what is the sign of a healthy relationship? We come closer and become better. We come closer and become better. Because of you, I am becoming better and because of me, you are becoming better.
We come closer and become better. So, this is the sign of a healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship, we come closer to each other which means we understand each other.
We are there for each other. If we need anything, we trust each other. They are coming closer to each other.
And secondly, we make each other better. But sometimes it may come closer but become worse. We are coming closer but what is happening? With that relationship, the person is becoming worse.
Suppose a child goes to college and befriends someone in college. And he is a very good friend of mine. But he drinks.
I have come very close to him. I have also started drinking. So, we have come close.
But because we have come close, the person is becoming worse. So, where is the relationship between Duryodhana and Dhritarashtra? Has it gone up or down? It has gone down. So, when Duryodhana was born, that is when it started that he started thinking that what is this? Dhritarashtra started thinking that my son should become a king.
I did not become a king. My son should become a king. Now, every parent expects that their children should get what they did not get.
They should get more than me. This is a natural desire. But what should be done for this? What should not be done? Sometimes what happens is that the parents the parents what they do for their children One is giving.
What do we give? Things. We give things. I will give you good facilities, good clothes, good toys, this and that.
It is important to give things. Good things are important. But in reality, more important than that are good values.
So, one value is to understand the value of things. To give things is one thing. To understand the value of things is another thing.
So, Dhritarashtra wanted to give everything to Duryodhana. He wanted to give the kingdom. Now, it was natural that Pandu went to the jungle.
It was a curse of Pandu. Because of this, he was not able to give birth to a child. So, it was expected that Duryodhana would become a king.
He would become a prince and then a king. But then, Pandu had a son. And Pandu’s end was near.
So, then, the Pandavas returned from the jungle to the kingdom. So, when they returned to the kingdom, slowly, Duryodhana’s jealousy towards them increased. When Duryodhana’s jealousy increased, then, what happened? Duryodhana made such a plan to kill Bheem.
Now, as far as description is concerned, did Dhritarashtra know about this plan? Because, Mahabharata is a little unclear about this. Maybe, Dhritarashtra knew about it. But, what was the second conspiracy? The first one was to poison.
The second one was Lakshagraha. Now, about Lakshagraha, Duryodhana had told Dhritarashtra that Pandavas have become very popular. And, we should send them away from here.
If they stay here, then, what will happen? They will become very popular. And, then, our problem will arise. Sometimes, there is a politician and another politician is there.
And, this other politician gives very good speeches, becomes very popular. So, he says, you go to another area. Don’t stay here.
So, in a way, Dhritarashtra was trying to sideline him. But, Dhritarashtra said, how long are you going to send them? They are going to come back. Dhritarashtra understood what Duryodhana was thinking.
But, he did not do anything. So, there are two types of crimes. There is crime of omission.
Or, there is crime of commission. Omission means they do not do what they are supposed to do. It means, there is a riot going on.
And, what is the police’s responsibility? Their responsibility is to maintain peace in the society and to maintain law and order. So, if there is a riot going on, and the police maintains peace. And, they allow the rioters to riot.
So, what happens? They say, we did not do anything. We did not do anything, but we did a lot. So, this is the crime of omission, which you are not doing.
So, earlier, Dhritarashtra did not do anything But, after that, when there was division of property, what did they do to the Pandavas? They gave the Pandavas Khandava Prastha. Now, let’s say, two guests come to our house. And, we have two chapatis.
One is freshly made chapati, and the other is two days old chapati. They say, I will give both the chapatis one by one. They are equal in name.
So, there is a division of property. So, for Duryodhana, Yashwara Shalya, Hastinapur, and the whole jungle, was given to the Pandavas. So, what is this? Is this a crime of omission or commission? They did it themselves.
So, Yudhishtira remained calm. But, after that, there was a gambling match. Now, in this gambling match, Shakuni did not play.
Shakuni did not play. Dhritarashtra did not play. But, Dhritarashtra called Shakuni Now, some people say, why did Yudhishtira go for gambling? So, what happens is, Yudhishtira was a cultured person.
And, he wanted to respect So, that is why, he did not want to disobey his elders. That is why, Dhritarashtra called him. That is why, he went there.
But, he was an elder. But, he was an elder. He did not even have a single cent.
So, Dhritarashtra went there and in front of him, he took all the wealth from the Pandavas. He was insulted by Draupadi. And, he did not do anything there.
So, love for one’s son is good. But, for that love, if a person goes to such an extent, which is neither good for him, nor good for himself, nor good for the kingdom, if he does such a thing, then that attachment becomes very dangerous. So, in any relationship, if I am there, someone else is there.
In this relationship, there are three stakeholders. One is me, and the other is others. Now, in others, there can be one, two, or three.
So, what Dhritarashtra let happen to Duryodhana, was neither good for him, nor good for Duryodhana. So, what happened? He was going to go further in the wrong path. He was not good for Dhritarashtra.
What was going to happen? There was going to be a war in the society. There was going to be an uproar. So, the attachment is because of that.
When we end up doing bad things to make someone feel good, to make you feel good, that is why I do bad things, or I let you do bad things. These are both the symptoms of attachment. So, Dhritarashtra warned him many times, but he never listened.
So, now, in the end, what happened? All the sons were destroyed. The one they wanted, should not feel bad. What happened? Now, death, being injured and dying, what can be worse than that? One is, feeling sad.
Another is, the body breaking and dying. So, what we don’t want, later, becomes even worse. So, in this, there is one thing, every person has his own karma.
And, the result of that karma, everyone has to bear. But, when the result of karma comes in someone’s life, to the extent that there is any relationship, what does it mean? In that, we help each other, we serve each other. So, we have to do our dharma.
So, now, I am going to the last part. I will talk about three points. How we, if I have any relationship, or I am doing any work, am I doing it out of love? Or, am I doing it out of attachment? So, the first thing is, what is our dharma? What I am doing, is it in accordance with dharma or is it contrary to dharma? What does dharma mean? Here, what is ethical, what is religious, what is right, am I doing it or am I going against it? Now, this is a nature that we, if anyone has any problem, then, it is our duty to help him.
The second point is, if our child is sick, then, can we say, this child is sick, let him be sick. No. What is our duty? We have to take care of him.
What is our dharma? We have to take care of our child. But, suppose, there is a parent, and the child is sick, then, the doctor says, save your child. The child is very critical, we cannot say anything.
The father takes out a gun, and shoots the doctor. If the child does not survive, then you will not survive. Nowadays, there is violence against doctors, medical violence.
Of course, doctors also exploit patients. But, the child will not survive if the doctor is killed. So, what we are doing to help someone, is it according to dharma, or is it against dharma? So, Duryodhana Dhritarashtra’s dharma was to take care of his child.
But, to take care of his child, his own relatives, to insult them, to kill them, to steal from them, what is it? That has become very wrong. So, Love is important. The first boundary is the boundary of dharma.
Bhagavan says, dharma avruddho bhuteshu kamosmi bharatarshabha. So, the first boundary is the boundary of dharma. So, what I am doing, is it according to dharma, or is it against dharma? The second is, we can say that it is difficult to understand dharma.
That is true. But, we have to understand it to the extent we can. The second is, what is its effect? What is the result of what I am doing? What is going to happen? By doing this, is it going to help this person? Is it going to benefit this person? Or, is it not going to be good for him? Or, is it not going to be good for me? Now, we see that Prabhupada ji, in 1922, when he met his guru for the first time, yesterday is the day of Mahabharata.
So, when he met him for the first time, his guru gave him a lot of inspiration, and persuaded him. He convinced him to propagate Krishna Bhavna. And, that is when Prabhupada ji said, that if I had not been married, I would have immediately joined my guru’s mission.
But, he said, I was married and had a child. So, if I had left it now, it would have been unfair to them. It would have been unjust for them.
So, Prabhupada ji, in the form of his householder, did his duty for many years. So, Prabhupada ji, if we see, in the life of a householder, we don’t talk much about it. There is a book, Lifetime in Preparation.
But, in that, we mostly talk about how Prabhupada ji was propagating Krishna Bhavna. But, if we see, what is this? Does anyone know? This is the map of India. I was in Dasik.
I had studied in Dasik. So, a teacher came to my class. So, she told me, the class was good.
She said, you were learning. I should have been harder on you on improving your drawing. So, my drawing is not very good.
But, if you imagine, this is India. So, here is Kolkata. Here is Mumbai.
Here is Prayag. What is the importance of these three places? Prabhupada ji, in his householder’s life, did business in these three places. So, Prabhupada ji was first in Kolkata, then he went to Mumbai.
So, at that time, he had a PhD in pre-independence history. So, he was telling that, at that time, people like this, their entire business, going from one place to another, was not very common. The people who worked in the government, when the government transferred them, they used to go.
But, the government quarters used to be there. Government facilities used to be there. But, the entire business, going from one place to another, there was not much travel, flights, trains were not very common.
You might have seen in movies, when you go in a train, how many people sit together in a train. People used to sit on top of the train. So, travel was not very easy.
So, Prabhupada ji worked very hard. His wish was that, he could do financial support in his Gurudev’s movement. He could help financially.
But, many things happened, due to which, he could not be very successful. Later, we know that, when he saw that, nothing was happening, and his family was not supporting him, then that incident comes. He said to his wife, Tea or Me? Do you want tea or me? So, when his wife drank the tea, then Prabhupada ji, took him to Panaprastha and then to Sanyas.
But, it was not like that, that Prabhupada ji gave up his responsibility. But, what happened, after that, when the organisation grew, became an international organisation, then, Prabhupada ji’s son, came back to meet him. And, he said that, we have a lot of financial problems.
This and that, he is sick, he is like this, he is like that. So, Prabhupada ji talked to his disciples, and arranged an allowance for his family. So, it is not like that, that Prabhupada ji gave up his devotion for them.
But, if his devotion was established, then what happened after that? He said that, that, if I can support them, then I will support them. So, it is not like that, that, for his devotion, he gave up his entire family’s dharma. Yes, he gave up his devotion.
But, what happened was that, when Prabhupada ji went to Bhagavad Dham, then his family members said that, actually, all the property of ISKCON is our property. So, they filed a case in the court, against ISKCON. And, they said that, actually, Prabhupada ji never took Sanyasa.
And, because he was not a Sanyasi, he was a householder, therefore, all his property is our property. And, what happened was that, they took a loophole, that everything was informal at that time. So, what was informal was that, Prabhupada ji had taken Sanyasa.
His Guruji had given it to him. But, they said, what is the proof of Sanyasa? So, what is the proof of Sanyasa? Sanyasa is a certificate. Who gives certificate of Sanyasa? When India got independence, then what happened was that, the government tried to organise religion in India.
So, what they did was that, they said that, there are so many Sadhus in India. So, which Sadhu is bona fide? We will give this certificate to Sadhu. So, what happened was that, many Sadhus became like this.
They said, you are a government Sadhu. We are independent Sadhus. And, they proudly did not take that certificate.
So, there was nothing at that time. So, the disciples of Prabhupada ji’s Guruji, who were in the ceremony at that time, were called to the court. For many years, that court case went on.
And, later that out of court settlement had to be done. So, here, Prabhupada ji did try to help them. And, it is not like that, he left his devotion in the form of that body.
He was promoting devotion. He did as much as he could to do dharma and bhakti together. He did that.
But, when dharma and bhakti were not happening together, then he promoted bhakti. But, after that, when bhakti and dharma were happening together, then it was done again. But, later, when the court case came, then, formally, we had to say no.
Prabhupada ji was not there. But, Prabhupada ji wanted that. So, now, what is there in this? We have to see, if we are saying yes to someone, I will do it for you, what will be the result of that? So, what is the effect? Is it, that person, its effect, I or other person? Which is, is he going to go the wrong path? Is he, I, the right path? Its result is, good for me, good for them.
Bad for me, bad for them. Now, we can say, who knows, what is going to be the effect? We say, we don’t see the future. Right, we don’t see the future.
But, we, according to our intellect, can understand to some extent, that this person’s behaviour, is likely to be the same. Some drunkard, he says, give me money. My family is hungry.
We say, if we give him money, what will happen? He will give money. Family members are going to be hungry. He is going to drink himself.
If he is going to help family members, what will he do? He will give money to family members. He will not give money to them. So, what is the effect? We need to see that.
So, Dhritarashtra, because of his influence, Duryodhana was becoming worse. So, what I am doing morally, is it right or not? Secondly, what is the result? Is the result right or not? And thirdly, guidance. Sometimes, what happens? We are in a relationship with someone.
So, in that relationship, what is happening? What am I doing? And how is it happening? So, what is going to be the result of this? What is going to be the result of that? How to understand this? Now, there is a Guru Services Committee of ISKCON. I was talking to the chairman in America. He said, what all do they do in the Guru Services Committee? He said, there was a major topic of discussion in Guru, that they are giving guidance to their disciples.
So, to what extent should the disciples be given boundaries? That you can do this, you cannot do that. So, as a parent, as a counsellor, as a Guru, if we say this, or do this, then what will be the result? We can see with our intellect, but sometimes, we have to talk to others. So, in this, in this, Duttarashtra lost the whole opportunity.
Vidur was with them, Bhishma was there. Vidur used to warn the outsiders. Ok, I am doing this in this regard, but what is the result of this? Is it suitable or not? It is necessary to see this.
And if we do not see, we are not able to see. So, it is necessary to ask someone else. And the guidance, the consultation, when we do this, we all have a thought in our mind, and we see from the perspective of our mind.
If I am here, then my mind is here, suppose, and some other person from whom we can come is here. So, we see that person from our mind. So, if that person speaks like this, then we should do like this.
So, if we have a good friend, a good guide, then what happens? He comes here. So, normally, we can look at our mind through that person. Mostly, we look at people through our mind.
We see people from the perspective of our mind. But can we do like this, that we see our mind from the perspective of someone else? Ok, I think that this is good. But, this person is saying that this is not good.
So, what should we do in this? So, if someone says that I know what to do for this. I do not need to consult anyone else. I do not need to talk to anyone.
I do not need to talk to anyone. You mind your own business. You do not put your nose here.
So, what happens It is possible that we are being pulled down and that person is trying to save us. But we, you know, we protect ourselves from the people who are trying to protect us from ourselves. Those who try to save us, we protect ourselves So, suppose there is a VIP and he has a bodyguard.
The bodyguard is going to save him. But the VIP protects himself from the bodyguard. The bodyguard is away from the VIP.
So, how is the bodyguard going to save him? Anyone who is going to put him in danger will create more problems for him. So, the people who were away, once it happened that when the Pandavas were humiliated, their clothes were taken away. They tried to take their clothes away, but they could not.
But then they sent the Pandavas to exile. After that, Dhritarashtra could not sleep at night. And then he called Vidur at night.
He said, you tell me, how will my son be saved? He said, now the whole world has come. Now you are saying, how will we stop? So, now there is no possibility of your son’s salvation. What are you saying? If you want your son’s salvation, Duryodhana’s salvation, then there is only one possibility that you arrest Duryodhana, tie him in a rope and tell him to fall at the feet of Yudhishthir and apologise to Yudhishthir.
Bheem is not going to forgive him. Never. But if Yudhishthir forgives him, then Bheem will also calm down.
Dhritarashtra said, what nonsense are you talking? I am seeing from the beginning that you always support the party. You always support Pandu’s son. You never support me.
What is this? In English, there is a word gaslighting. What does gaslighting mean? I make a mistake and you feel bad. You are bad.
Someone drinks a lot. And there is a brother, a brother, a husband, a wife. One person is drinking a lot.
And what happens? He drinks a lot. And the other person says, why are you drinking? If you were a good person, if you were a good wife, if you were a good brother, then you would not have to drink. So, it is your own fault.
You blame others. It is called gaslighting. You do bad and you blame others.
You feel bad. So, what happens now? Who is supporting? Dhritarashtra is supporting. But he is telling Vidur, you are a supporter.
You always support Pandu. So, I don’t want to hear anything from you. You get lost.
You go wherever you want. I don’t want to hear anything from you. So, Vidur was already very sad.
So, Vidur left the kingdom. And then he went to the jungle. And he went to Pandavas.
So, Bheem got angry. Bheem, Vidur, what have you come to take from us? So, Yudhishthira said, calm down Bheem. Vidur has come.
He was very sad. Vidur told him what happened. He said, Yudhishthira, can I live here with you? So, what happened? When Pandavas went to the jungle from Varanasi, Kunti went with them.
So, this time when they went, Kunti’s age had increased a lot. So, that’s why Vidur said, take Kunti with you. I will take care of her.
Yudhishthira said yes. Kunti didn’t like it. But he said, it’s right.
Now, Kunti was in Vidur’s house with Vidur’s wife. But Vidur had left the house. So, Yudhishthira said, Kunti said, she will live in the palace, but I don’t want to live there.
It was not his palace, it was his small house. So, Vidur started living there. The next day, Dhritarashtra woke up.
What have I done? Vidur was my good friend, my brother, my confidant. Why did I speak in anger? Then Vidur sent Dhritarashtra to Sanjay. To call Vidur, you come back.
So, Vidur was feeling that Dhritarashtra is not a bad person. He is doing bad things because of attachment. So, Vidur never lost hope on Dhritarashtra.
And Bheeshma never lost hope on Duryodhana. So, what happened? Bheeshma and Duryodhana’s relationship is a fascinating relationship in Mahabharata. So, till the end, Bheeshma was telling Duryodhana when he fell on the bed of arrows, the first thing all Pandavas and Kauravas came there.
So, Bheeshma said, Duryodhana, no one could defeat me. Even my Guru could not defeat me. But this, what happened to me, you can understand from this, that till Krishna is there it is impossible to win.
So, please stop this war. So, I am in so much pain. I have so many wounds.
He had no feelings at all. So, unfortunately, Duryodhana never improved. Dhritarashtra also did not improve.
But Vidur stayed with Dhritarashtra. And when Duryodhana was killed, after that, whatever was pulling Dhritarashtra down, that went away from Dhritarashtra’s life. Later, when Vidur came back, and when he taught Dhritarashtra, only then Dhritarashtra understood.
And then Dhritarashtra, what did he do? He accepted the life of detachment. So, in Dhritarashtra’s life, this is the last point, Dhritarashtra was pulling Duryodhana down, and Vidur was pulling him up. So, now, in some people, the relationship between Dhritarashtra and Duryodhana is attachment.
And the relationship between Vidur and Dhritarashtra is affection. So, why is it affection? Because Vidur taught Dharma to Dhritarashtra. He did not leave Dharma.
When he saw that Dhritarashtra was so much in Duryodhana’s clutches, that Duryodhana insulted Vidur in the whole assembly, and Dhritarashtra remained silent. So, only then Vidur understood that he can’t do anything here. That Dhritarashtra is so much in Duryodhana’s clutches that he can’t do anything.
But still, he didn’t lose hope. What did he do? When Dhritarashtra was pulling Vidur down, he was pulling Vidur up. But what happened? For Dhritarashtra, the force pulling Vidur down was more powerful, and the force pulling Vidur up was less.
So, he kept pulling Vidur down. But later, when Duryodhana was no more, Vidur was able to lift Dhritarashtra up. So, Vidur was repeatedly telling Dhritarashtra what was wrong.
So, he was not happy to tell Dhritarashtra what he was doing was wrong. But he was ready to speak. So, readiness to say no, that you shouldn’t do this, this was a sign of love.
So, we can learn from Dhritarashtra that we also have to maintain such a relationship that we may not be attached, but we show love. If there was no love, Vidur would say, what is the need to come back? You carry on with your work. You have done wrong, you carry on with it.
But no. To do good, Vidur came back from the jungle to Dhritarashtra. So, in conclusion, attachment and affection, we tried to see the difference.
The main point that we saw was attachment is inability to say no. I cannot say no to you. What is this? Affection is displeasure in saying no.
If there was no love, I wouldn’t want to say no. But if I have to say, I can. So, the sign of attachment is Dhritarashtra and Duryodhana.
Affection is Vidur and Dhritarashtra. So, in this, we saw how our relationship, our love, when there is love, what should it be? There are bonds. I want to do something for you.
There are boundaries. To what extent do I want to do for you? So, if there are bonds and boundaries, then it is love and affection. If there are bonds but no boundaries, then it is attachment.
If there are boundaries but no bonds, then it is controllership. It is controlled. And if there are no both, then there is no relationship.
So, in the end, we saw how we can understand the difference. There are three things. First, see the Dharma.
What is it? Is what I am doing for this person according to Dharma or contrary to Dharma? Second, what will be the result of this? With our intellect, we have to see that what I am doing is good for him, good for me. Is it going to be good for me or not? And third, we have to take guidance. We have to talk to others.
And if we do this, then we will be able to understand what we have to do and what we don’t have to do. To what extent we have to do and what we don’t have to do. We can get more clarity about this in our life.
So, we can pray to God that O Lord, Maya is very powerful in this world. And what we do and when we do it, we are doing it in service to you or in the influence of Maya we are doing it with attachment. It is very difficult to understand.
Please give us this intellect. DADAMI BUDDHI YOGAM TAM So that we work with love and service and don’t get trapped in attachment. KRISHNA BHAGWAN KI JAI KRISHNA BHAGWAN KI JAI Is there any question? Is there any question? There is one here.
We have one mic. We can send this mic there. One more mic.
Hare Krishna Babaji. Dandat Pranam. Mohoti Jaya.
Question – Do we have to have attachment or affection with Krishna? I feel attachment should be there and when we have that attachment, then automatically we start having detachment with relatives and family and in many lectures we think that we should balance spiritual life and material life and because of that we get scolded at home that we don’t take care of our relatives, we just go to the temple, but what is right? Thank you for your question. Question – Do we have to have attachment or affection with Krishna? I feel attachment should be there and when we have that attachment, then automatically we start having detachment with Krishna. I feel attachment should be there and when we have that attachment, then automatically we start having detachment with Krishna.
I feel attachment should be there and when we have that attachment, then automatically we start having detachment with Krishna. I feel attachment should be there and when we have that attachment, then automatically we start having detachment with Krishna. I feel attachment should be there and when we have that attachment, then automatically we start having detachment with Krishna.
I feel attachment should be there and when we have that attachment, then automatically I feel attachment should be there and when we have that attachment, then automatically This is animal life, this is the life of an animal. So, how to balance both bhakti and dharma is not so easy, but it is not so impossible either. How to do it? You can say that here is Krishna, here I am, and here is the other person, who is related to our family.
So, there are three relations here. One is mine with Krishna, the other is mine with him, and the third is his with Krishna. So, many times when we do bhakti, we get very excited that he also becomes a bhakta.
So, what we do? We emphasise three, we say three is very important. And when we say three is very important, we don’t give importance to two. And how does it happen at that time? We give importance to three and importance to one.
I will do bhakti, you also do bhakti. But what happens in that is that two is neglected. What does it mean? You come with me to the temple, you come on a journey, you do this, you do that.
But what is expected of me to do with you, we stop doing it. So, what happens is that person becomes a bhakta. When we emphasise three, what happens is that tension arises in two.
What happens is that in every relationship, when there is a relationship between two people, we do something for the other person, and that person does something for us. This is reciprocation. But when we become a bhakta, what happens is that our expectations from that person increase a lot.
And what we do for that person becomes very less. It means that you should do this, you should do that. I was in America, I was in Australia.
I used to stay at home. The mother was saying that you talk to my daughter. She is very intelligent, but she is not interested in bhakti.
Then she was very interested in English literature. So we started talking about English literature. Then her defences became lower.
Then we started talking about it. She said, I see that my mother is doing bhakti, she is very happy. But now I feel that I have to compete with Krishna for my mother’s time.
Now for my mother’s time, Krishna has become a competitor for me. So now what happened is that she felt that my mother was telling her to do this and that, but she did not have time for me. So the mother was doing one, she was doing three, but two became less in that.
So when I told her mother, she said, I never thought she felt like that. I never thought she felt like that. So why did this happen? Now what happened is that if I do bhakti with a lot of enthusiasm, then she will also start doing bhakti.
That was her intention. But how that person is thinking, what is his expectation, it is very important to understand that. So what do we have to do? Ideally, one, two or three.
If all three are doing together, then it is best. We are also doing bhakti, she is also doing bhakti, and we are all coming close to each other, going close to Krishna. But if this is not happening, then what is happening? One is our sadhana.
Two is our service. I am in this person’s relationship with God’s plan. And according to this religion, what is expected from this person in this relationship, I have to do it.
And the third is our shelter. Whether that person does bhakti or not, we cannot control him. So if we do it this way, we can invite him, but we do not force that person, then what happens? Then he will also not force us.
So that is why one is important. Two is also important. Three is also important.
But what is the hierarchy? We have a relationship with Krishna, and that person says that you leave chanting. He says, no, I will do what you want to do, but I need time to chant. I need time to come to the temple.
So it is not that in today’s society, people are going to force us to stop doing bhakti. Very few situations are like this. But if they see that because of your bhakti, you are not doing what is expected, then there is a little problem.
So that is why it takes a little skill, but a little more than an expert, by talking a little, what is that person thinking? What is that person expecting from us? We explain our expectations to him very clearly, but what is his expectation? To what extent can he fulfil his expectations? And a little reasonable discussion will take place, then it becomes possible. Thank you. Thank you so much for a wonderful class.
Probably two quick questions. The first one is, especially nowadays, there is a lot of things about unconditional love. But unconditional love, love is always conditioned by time certainly.
Okay. So your question is? Conditioned by time for sure, and also by place and circumstance. So could you throw some light on this? And the second question is? One second, one second.
So what is love? Should love be unconditional? Well, there are two aspects of love. One is love as emotion, and love as action. Which is emotion and action.
So now, in a way, suppose you are a parent. Now, I see, how it happens that I give lectures at universities in America, I give lectures at universities in India. So, it is very rare in America, that a student does not get good marks, so he commits suicide.
But this is very common in India. And to some extent, it is the responsibility of parents that they put so much pressure on the children, that the child thinks that if I do not get good marks, then my life will be wasted. Now, of course, it is not just the fault of the parents.
There are many factors in it. In the country of Pakistan, children commit suicide, but they mostly commit suicide due to heartbreak. They commit suicide because of a relationship problem.
So, now, in this, that love at one level, that no matter what happens, I will be there for you. These parents, no matter what happens, they can say, I will be there for you. This is an unconditional love.
But along with that, it is also the responsibility of the parents that the child develops. The child moves forward. So, all over the world, wherever I have gone for publicity, in whichever country I have gone, Indians, Indians from India have gone to almost every country.
India’s population is this much, and people have been going for a long time. So, in every country, Indians are respected immigrants. Indians, Indians are hardworking, tax paying, law abiding, family caring.
So, Indians, in America, these are the model minority. They say that all American immigrants will be like Indians. So, America will develop a lot.
So, the point is that Indians take the responsibility of parenting very seriously. I was giving a lecture in Princeton, there was a Princeton student, he was talking to the dean, he said that if we give admission only with merit, then in our colleges, not a single American will be there. All Indians and Chinese will come.
So, this is not a bad thing. It is important to put some pressure on parents. It is important to have expectations from children.
And if there is no pressure of expectations, then what happens? Children will not become responsible, they will not become hardworking. So, now, we will call love completely unconditional. You will do anything, I am with you.
But that will be a failure of parenting. So, love, love, love is only unconditional. Means, whatever you do, if there is no condition, condition means expectations from that person, then what will happen? That person will become stagnant.
The child will not grow up. Now, parents are not going to ask how many children are going to study. Some children may be like this, maybe he was born in Einstein, and now he is interested in natural studies.
But very few are like this. So, if love is completely unconditional, then the children will not learn anything, they will not grow up. But, if you make it only conditional, that you will do this, then only I will love you.
So, I was in a child’s house. He had the same problem. He was very intelligent.
Then he started saying, I feel as if my parents don’t love me, they love only a future version of me. My parents don’t love me. They love a future version of me.
So, if you make it like this, then only I will love you. If it is like this, then that person will suffocate. Suffocate means he will not be able to live.
So, to some extent, Indian parenting goes in this direction. Not always, but to some extent. And, Western parenting goes in this direction.
So, we need balance. Love should be both conditional and unconditional. So, how are both possible? To some extent, parenting is a two-person job.
It is not a one-person job. If there is a single parent, who is taking care of his children, then he should give them credit. It is very difficult to do that.
So, what happens is, if there are two parents, then one parent gives unconditional love. For example, a mother gives unconditional love to her child. A father gives conditional love.
So, both are important. So, if one person has to do both, then that person gets confused himself and the child also gets confused. Then the problem increases.
But, love has to be both. Conditional and unconditional. Unconditional means, whatever happens, I am there with you.
But, conditional means, that doesn’t mean whatever you do, everything is alright. This is good, this is bad. Specifying this and waiting for it is also very important.
Okay? Thank you. So, the second question is, to throw some light on compassion and affection. What is the difference between compassion and affection? Affection is usually in two equals.
Compassion is usually when one person is on top and the other person is on the bottom. Especially, when we say it is also in non-familial contexts. It is not your duty to show compassion to someone in your family.
It is your duty to help someone in your family. So, when the feeling of compassion comes, it is beyond the normal duty. When the feeling of compassion comes, one person is on top and the other person is trying to lift the other person.
Okay. Does bondage apply here also? Does bondage apply here also? Do we have time? How much? You tell me when to stop. Okay, sure.
So, we will talk afterwards.