What are the precursors to anger – how can we know that we are likely to explode at someone?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
gradually. What is the precursor to anger? How can we know anger is coming? I’ll take that as a metaphor of driving, of road journey. Sometimes there are some roads on which we have travelled and we know that at a particular point, bumps are there.
So when the bump is there, we know that I have to slow down. If I don’t, I’m a big jerk over here. Second situation is where we are travelling on the road that we don’t know anything about.
On most roads, there is some road sign but even before the road sign comes, if the road is familiar, we know that here, a bump is going to come. So basically, if we look at our own life, our mind does not really have an unlimited ways in which it deludes us. Specific ideas may come up in many, but the overall patterns are standard.
So, if we observe our own life, we can understand that this is a situation where I want to explode after something. That’s like, on this road, I understand that a bump is going to come. Slow down.
So if we look at our own life and find out what are the situations in which we have exploded in the past, then we get to recognize that one thing. The second is, sometimes we find ourselves in situations we have not been in. We find ourselves relating with a person whom we just don’t get a hang of.
What is this person? How did they behave? It’s like travelling on an unfamiliar road. We have to be more alert at that time. We have to be more on the watch out.
So usually, I say, broadly speaking, three things, especially because we are talking about anger with someone else. When there is there is there is a residue of anger, not residue, there is a spark of anger which is not yet become a fire. Then, at that time, the first thing that happens is, at other situations, we start talking negatively about that person.
It may not be backbiting, it may just be small remarks which undermine that person. Or, at an even more subtle level, when somebody speaks positively about that person, we start feeling negatively. So, basically, if we are more observant of our own actions and our emotions, if we find that, you know, everybody thinks this person is nice, but why am I thinking like this? Why am I speaking like this? Then, that negative, especially negative words about others, and negative emotions, when something positive is being spoken about others, that is an indicator that there is some pent-up resentment over there.
If it is not processed, it is going to explode. So, these two things, that negative undermining talks about others, or irritating feelings about others. The third thing would be that in certain situations, like in physical, we start breathing heavily, our minds are just getting wild, we feel as if something is trying to explode within us and we are trying to check it.
So, if it has happened once, and we check ourselves. Now, we may say that is a victory, I did not get angry at that. But, it is not necessarily a complete victory.
Because unless I process that emotion, so if in a particular interaction with a particular person, we find that, I have to fight to check myself. I find a strong urge to hit back, I manage to not do it. But that itself is an indication.
So, that there is something which is difficult in this relationship. Now, of course, some people, it is just meeting them, you feel like you have come home. It is such a joy meeting them.
Meeting some people is like walking amongst landmines. We don’t know what will cause an explosion. So, it works like that.
Different relationships are just different. I mean, I quoted Oscar Wilde in the previous class, some people bring happiness where they go, and some people bring happiness when they go. So, some relationships might habitually be tense.
And then we always have to be on guard in that relationship. But in other relationships, where normally we have positivity, if we find a lot of self-control is required from our side, that means, that place which felt like a home, now it is changing to be like a place with landmines. So, something needs to be done in advance.
Otherwise, the landmine is going to explode. So, these are, I would say, some broad ways in which you can understand that a relationship is moving towards an angry eruption. Any other questions were coming?