​What chemistry is needed for having intimate Vaishnava relationships?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So what chemistry do we need to have strong and intimate relational relationships? Actually, this idea that, for example, the word chemistry, usage of chemistry for relationships is often in Bollywood. Now this hero and this heroine, they have got very good chemistry. But this idea of using chemistry, it actually comes from a very mechanistic view of people.
That basically our relationships and our emotions in the relationships are simply products of the biochemicals. Or the chemicals that go around in our brains. So there are researchers, psychiatrists who are the researchers, there’s a famous book, they say that romance has a shelf life of nine months.
What does that mean? Romance has a shelf life of nine months? That sometimes people may say, oh, I saw her, she saw me, or I saw him, he saw me. And then we felt an instant connection. When we touched each other, we felt electricity going through our body.
And people feel all those emotions. So now when they feel all these emotions, it’s possible that there is some interaction between people. But that is simply the stimulation of certain chemicals in the brain and the body.
And that chemical stimulation stays for a period of nine to 15 months. And afterwards, what happens is the people just don’t feel anything like that again. And so when we say that people talk about love at first sight, well, love at first sight may happen, but the relationship will depend on what you feel after many sights.
So if the relationship is based only on the surface feeling, then people may say initially, I can’t live without you. After nine months when the chemicals dry up, they say, I can’t live with you. So firstly, their relationships are not a product of chemistry.
Having said that, we can go deeper and understand that we all have certain natures. And nature is not just a matter of chemistry, it’s also a matter of psychology. So by chemistry, we refer to neurons and the chemicals that are secreted in the brain.
But that is only the surface level. We all have a subhava, which is based on the impressions that are there in the mind. And in cricket, they say form is temporary, but class is permanent.
I mean, sometimes the lads may be in form, sometimes they are not in form. But if they have basic talent, basic class, then that will keep coming again and again. So like that, the chemicals that are there, as I said, they may be sometimes secreted, sometimes they may not be secreted.
Sometimes at a surface level, we may feel or may not feel attraction. But when there is a meeting of minds, when people are like-minded, then the relationships are very sustainable. So firstly, in devotee circle, when we initially come, we simply, whoever introduces us to Krishna Consciousness, we understand the philosophy, we start practicing the philosophy, then we are very inspired.
And that is very good. And as we keep moving forward in our bhakti, we start finding that there are certain things that inspire us more than other things. Some of us may like deity worship more.
Some of us may like prostitution more. Some of us may like to study the philosophy more. Some of us may like to cook more.
There are so many different services in bhakti. And associated with these services, there are definitions of success. So for example, somebody may consider studying Shastra very deeply and understanding the various aspects of Shastra very important.
Others may think, yes, that is good. That is not good. We should do other things also.
There is no need to go towards Shoddhi Guru Shastra. We can do deity worship. So there will be basically different devotees with different interests.
Or in today’s language, we can say different definitions of success. So Rupa Goswami says in the Bhakti Samskriti that we need devotees who have sajjatiya asha bhagwan ka bhakti sampra. That means sajjatiya asha, like-minded.
Those who have similar dispositions to what we have. So we need to find out those devotees with whom we can connect, with the way they think, what they aspire for in bhakti, what they value the most. When we can connect, even if there are one or two devotees like that, we should treasure and nourish those relationships.
We should go out of the way to nourish those relationships. And they with those nourishing relationships will nourish us. So that’s first of all understanding what is our inspiration in bhakti and finding out who also has similar interest, similar inspiration and linking with them.
That will give us a very comfortable feeling of being at home in bhakti when we have like-minded association. At the same time, we also, even like-minded devotees are not alike. There are still differences among them also.
And that’s why there will always be some amount of variety that we have to take in our stride. And along with that, also we need to recognize that because different devotees have different natures, when we are dealing with different devotees, we should not evaluate all devotees from the same perspective, same lens. Oh, you cannot, you don’t do any Buddhist worship.
You don’t raise any funds. Therefore, what you are doing is not of any use. Rather, when we are associated with other devotees who are inspired differently, at that time, we need to adjust ourselves to try to see things from their perspective as much as possible.
Sometimes some people say, you know, with them, my wavelength doesn’t match. Is it possible that wavelength doesn’t match? Now, if still, if we have to live in a community and especially if I do some services with those devotees, then humility often means shifting, adjusting our wavelength so that it matches. Try to see things from their perspective.
So, there will be, if you look at it, some devotees with whom we can instantly connect. Some devotees with whom we have to endeavor a little bit and then we can connect. Some devotees with whom we, we find it very difficult to connect.
And there are some devotees whom we can barely tolerate. It will happen like that also. So, once I was giving a class after that, I was telling other classes, we have to practice tolerance.
So, we have to tolerate many things in bhakti. So, what are the things that we have to tolerate? So, one devotee raised her hand. Yes, we have to tolerate devotees.
So, I said, yes, it’s a good realization that we will tolerate devotees. And if we advance more, then we will realize that devotees are tolerating us. So, basically, there are different grades of relationships.
And if we have the first level, where at least one or two we have relationships, where we just connect with people, then that will give us the inspiration. And with that inspiration, these relationships are very difficult to tolerate. Where we have to constantly, being in that relationship is like walking in a landmine.
Suddenly anything may explode. There are relationships like that. So, we will get the strength to tolerate those relationships also if we have these relationships.
So, basically, we need like-minded devotees with whom we can naturally relate. And with other devotees, we try to adjust our minds so that we can connect with them more. And some devotees, we may have to tolerate.
But intimate relationships, we cannot have with everyone. And that’s why, with whoever we find that we are able to connect, we should see that as Krishna’s blessing. And we need to invest time in developing those relationships.
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