What to do if we can’t contain our anger but expressing it will hurt others?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So, if I have a tendency to just speak out what I have in the mind and that sometimes hurts people and alienates them, what can I do? See, there are times when we need to express our emotions.
But that doesn’t mean others have to hear the expression of my emotions. What it means is, usually we think of emotions in two terms, that I repress them or I express them. But there can be a third option where I can process my emotions.
So, I would suggest that when you feel very angry with someone, at that time, rather than expressing to that person, just press a pause button. Okay, not now. I want to speak this, but not now.
And take some time out and write out your emotions in a journal or something like that. So, what happens at that time when you write it out, this is what I usually do when I correspond a lot by emails. Sometimes when I want to write a strong email to someone, I write it, but I don’t mail it.
By writing it out, what happens is, the emotions get a vent. And after that, I feel a little calmer because at least I have vented it out. And then after, if I wait for 24 hours, and then re-examine the mail after that.
For 24 hours when I see the mail, and I say, oh, okay. This is too harsh. This is a good point.
This is valid, but I need to soften it a little bit. Like that, I evaluate it. And then I refine it.
Sometimes I send the mail. Sometimes I don’t know how to send the mail only. Sometimes I decide, okay, this is the way I’ll write it out.
So, basically, we need to… So, the mind has a desire to express the things. And we need to give it a vent for expressing. But afterwards, we have to use our intelligence to process it.
And then after the processing of the intelligence, then express it to others. So, if you do this, you decide for a period of one month. You know, I won’t speak my mind.
I will speak my mind, but not in an unfiltered way. You do that, it will take some time, some effort. But you’ll feel a significant difference.
And as this training comes up, you’ll yourself start noticing that, okay, you know. These are the ways… So, you observe, after you process with your intelligence, what are the things that you toned down. And then you’ll feel, okay, these are the ways in which I speak too harshly.
And then you can change those. So, first of all, we need to find out. And if you have some people who are your close friends, you can also ask them about this, to help you in this exercise.
You know, okay, what are the ways in which I speak too strongly? What are the ways in which I can… Now, if you have some friends, you can ask them. But even if you don’t have or you can’t ask and present to them, but then at least do this. You’ll yourself be able to see it.
Not every time. Especially when you want to feel strongly. Basically, the idea is, we need to… Just like, sometimes we go to a place and at that time we see.
We click some pictures. Why if you want to have the memories afterwards? So, like that, Bhagavad Gita says that, elevate yourself with the mind, don’t degrade yourself with the mind. So, the mind is what gets angry and wants to vent it.
So, if we vent it, then we are degrading ourselves with it. This is elevate yourself. What you can do is, when you write something down, it’s like you are getting a picture of the mind.
A snapshot of the mind for you to see. Once you get the snapshot, then you can evaluate it. So, by that, once you evaluate it, then you can amend the expression.
So, if you do it for a short time, that will help you to analyze the emotions better. And especially when the emotion comes up, at that time, when you want to really feel like bursting out, chant Krishna’s names in your mind. Pray to Krishna.
I don’t want to express myself. I am not going to express myself, but not now. Press a pause button.
Praying to Krishna, chanting His names, that will act like a pause button. And then if you are studying the Bhagavad Gita, if you are understanding the philosophy, that also sharpens your intelligence. When the intelligence is sharpened, then actually you will be able to catch yourself faster.
This is the time when I am getting angry. So, you know, it is a don’t identify with the mind, identify the mind. Identify with the mind means, I feel a rush of anger comes within me, and I also get angry with it.
Identify the mind means, this is anger coming inside. I am not going to get angry, but I identify the anger. So, this sort of inner dynamism will increase within you as you become more spiritual.
So, by this, you will be able to avoid those comments which alienate others. And in a more mature way, after processing your emotions, you will be able to express your authentic concerns. All the best.