When a relative becomes hostile to our devotional practices how should we respond?

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
Thank you so much.
Hostility towards ISKCON can come because of various reasons. One could be some of the accusations against ISKCON that are found in the internet. Second is some objections, questions about the philosophy.
Of Krishna Consciousness. Third is the cultural practices of Krishna Consciousness. The fourth is our own insensitive or disrespectful behavior.
And fifth could be that person’s own biases and prejudices. So, depending on which problem is causing the hostility, we’ll have to deal with accordingly. If it is due to ISKCON’s past problems, then which can be known easily nowadays through the internet, then we have to clearly recognize the, we have to acknowledge the reality and also point out that whatever abuses have happened, say of children or of some spiritual leaders having some difficulties.
So, those are aberrations. They are not what is taught by ISKCON. And it is not that this kind of people are accepted by ISKCON knowingly or willingly.
ISKCON is open organization and people can join and if they pretend to follow the standards, then they can get along and then they can do something which are wrong in the name of ISKCON. So, there are two essentially different points involved over here. What are the principles that ISKCON stands for and what are the practices that have been done by some ISKCON devotees? Unfortunately, if one confuses the two and one mistakes the second to be actually equivalent to or replacement for the first, then that is unfortunate.
And there are books written about ISKCON, not just by ISKCON devotees, but even by secular scholars who recognize that ISKCON is a part of an ancient tradition and it is sharing an ancient devotional culture which promotes people’s well-being in many ways. So, this is something which even academic scholars have to some extent acknowledged in many of their books, especially during the 1980s when there was a severe criticism of the movement and labeling of ISKCON as a cult and there was a deprogramming movement and several academic scholars came together and they gave their presentation in a book called Hare Krishna Hare Krishna which talked about how the movement is a part of the ancient tradition. So, just as any institute can become contaminated by some people doing something wrong, the same has happened with ISKCON.
So, the first point to consider is that is not the teaching of ISKCON at all. And second is, look at the actions that have been taken. I mean, there are other religious institutions which have tried to deny the charges or just conceal the problems or deal with the offended people in a very high-handed way.
But that is not what ISKCON did. Actually, when the child abuses happened, it was an ISKCON communication journal that the article was first published. So, it was not that somebody did a, there was a cover-up done by ISKCON and then somebody came and detected it and then the policemen came in or something like that.
No, it was admitted by ISKCON itself in the ISKCON communication journal and then based on that, and that article was also not written by an ISKCON devotee. It was written by an academic scholar who was given whatever information was required for doing research for the article. And he himself admitted that this was a very exemplary response as compared to the response of several other organizations, which simply tried to brush everything under the carpet.
And then eventually, there have been strong measures for offering abandoned economic compensation for those who were victimized. Of course, nothing can compensate at an emotional and spiritual level for the damage that has happened. But still at an economic level, whatever could be done was done.
And also, ISKCON has now got a very active child protection team ready in all the temples as per ISKCON law, so that no such things happen. Same way with the spiritual leaders having some problems. Now, the standards are much higher and sannyas is not given before a person becomes 50.
And even then, there is a long period of observation by several sannyasis and the sannyas ministries also asked for open feedback from devotees before administering sannyas to anyone. So that way, there are growth pains that were there in ISKCON’s history, but any objective observer will can realize that ISKCON has done a lot to try to correct those mistakes and to prevent them from recurring. So that way, if one understands with an open mind, so we can try to communicate this, that there is a difference between what the members do and what the institution teaches.
And secondly, if the members do wrong, what is it that the institution does? The institution corrects it, doesn’t conceal it or justify or rationalize it. Secondly, the problems may be because of some aspects of Krishna conscious philosophy. So in that situation, if somebody is scientifically minded, then some people may find the Vedic cosmology or certain other details complicated and unbelievable, and it may seem irrational to a person.
But we also need to recognize that these are not the central aspects of Krishna consciousness. These are not what have caused, inspired us to accept Krishna conscious philosophy. What has inspired us is the personal transformation, the inner sense of calm and empowerment and fulfillment that we have experienced by Krishna consciousness.
So we don’t have to excessively emphasize these points. And even when these points come up, we need to recognize that in every branch of knowledge, there are claims that cannot be understood just by a superficial study. For example, today, if we look at quantum physics, if we just remove all the glamour that surrounds science in today’s society, and if we remove the high sounding vocabulary that is often used by theoretical physicists, then when stripped of these two things, the glamour and the jargon, and quantum physics seems to be not just a counterintuitive theory, but it seems to be a totally ridiculous theory.
Now ridiculous may seem to be a very strong word to use against a theory that is propagated by many of the world’s best scientists. But the point is, this is not a word that we alone have used, there are scientists who have themselves pointed it out. You know, there are scientists who have said that quantum physics is not only queerer than what we can believe, it’s queerer than what we can imagine, it’s queerer than what we can’t even imagine.
And there is just no way that what the quantum physics postulates correlates in any way with our day-to-day experiential reality. As Alfred North Whitehead said that, what is the bottom level view of science, that there’s nothing in the universe except particles just moving around endlessly and senselessly. Senselessly in the sense that they have no consciousness, there is no sense to themselves and the sense to what they are doing.
Now from that bleak world view, how the world of our experience, rich with emotions and colors and fragrances and relationships comes about, there is just a huge chasm, a huge valley that is like a black hole, which is just unpassable to me. So if somebody at the start of studying physics starts critiquing physics because of the ideas of quantum physics, such a person will have to be told with firmness, with respect but also with firmness, that people in general study physics not because they are attracted by or they are believing in what quantum physics says. They study science and they are attracted to science because it offers some technological benefits.
So if we are going to judge a body of knowledge by that part of it which is the most unbelievable, then we will not be able to use any body of knowledge at all because as what I said about quantum physics, the same applies to all branches of knowledge. This will become a technical discussion but and I do not want to go into that in this particular issue, in this particular question answer. But the point is that no branch of knowledge is completely above the charge of having its own bag of irrational, counterintuitive and absurd seeming ideas.
So whenever we are studying a body of knowledge, if we just look at its weakest links and criticize it for that and then those are for all practical purposes irrelevant to the lives of most of the common people who are using their branch of knowledge. So just as this is true for science, it is also true for spirituality. This is not to say that the aspects of cosmology are to be accepted in blind faith.
There is a whole process by which gradually one can become purified and one can study systematically and then one understands certain principles which are not perceivable earlier. Thirdly, the problems may, the relatives may also become hostile if they have some problems with the cultural practices of ISKCON. Sometimes some of the practices of ISKCON may, ISKCON devotees may seem to be too fanatical for some people and chanting 16 rounds, following the four regulative principles and other cultural practices may make them feel that there is a bridge being created, there is a valley, there is a gap, distance being created between devotees and the rest of the society including those relatives because of these practices.
So when this happens, we need to recognize that there are ways in which we can express affection, concern for our relatives without having to compromise our cultural practices. So how can one do that? That will vary according to time, place, circumstance. But the important principle is that if we have a desire to express concern and affection, then Krishna will guide us how to do that.
But the point here is that the cultural practices are not there to create gaps between devotees and the world. Their primary, their primary purpose is to enable us to stay focused on Krishna. So there are people who become enamored by so many worldly things in this world.
For example, somebody becomes a, say, a cricket fan and then as a cricket fan that person there may be a family get together and that person is just busy watching a cricket match or so that person may just go off. There might be a family, another important family occasion, the person may go away somewhere to purchase a, to watch a live cricket match at a stadium. So now when people have their own individual passions, obsessions, hobbies, that any interest which a person has, it to some extent creates affinity with those who, others who have that interest and it creates some kind of distance from those who don’t have that interest.
And that is something which is just a fact of life. Different people are different, different people have different interests and nobody can object to another person’s interests. So even if somebody doesn’t agree with the cultural practices of devotees, even if somebody doesn’t recognize them as scripturally warranted and spiritually elevating, but still the idea is often that liberal people become very illiberal with respect to spiritual practices.
That means if somebody is doing materialistic activities, the liberal people, those people who profess to be liberal are very liberal about it and they allow them to do whatever they want. But as soon as this liberalist attitude encounters spiritual practices, then a very illiberal stance is adopted. That means, why are you doing this? Why are you doing that? So we just have to recognize that if we bend to everybody’s desires, then we will not be able to do anything in our life ourselves.
So there has to be some level of firmness so that we can perceive our spiritual interests. At the same time, there has to be sensitivity and respect. And if we calmly and gently convey to people, convey to our relatives that we do care for them and that we do appreciate them and we are there for helping them when they need, but beyond that we also have certain principles that we are going to live by.
And everyone is an individual and everybody needs to be given the freedom to pursue one’s individual interests. So in the name of being a part of a family, one cannot curb one’s interests. So every devotee will have to individually see how one can practice one’s spiritual life within one’s devotional situation, within one’s social and familial situation.
And for that one can take some guidance from some senior devotees if necessary and pray to Krishna for guidance also. But overall, we shouldn’t be too jittery about these things. We don’t have to be necessarily apologetic about it.
We can explain that this is what interests me and this is what makes me feel peaceful and joyful in life. And this is not an item on the negotiating table in terms of its zero or one level. There are certain basic level of practices that I am going to follow, but beyond that I’m available for whatever requirements are there which are essential.
Then sometimes it may be our own sensitivity, especially while following our devotional standards. If we become a little proud or arrogant and look down upon others and deride their values, then that can have a very strong negative effect. Because even when we claim to be following certain standards, we may not follow those standards very strictly.
There may be lapses in our practice of standards also. And then once we deride other standards and there are lapses in our practice of standards, then people not only become angry, but the way they are dealt with, they become further angry due to feeling that we are hypocritical. So therefore, it is important that we don’t alienate people by being condescending towards them.
Today, I wrote a Gita Daily article about how standards are for inspiration, not condemnation. So whatever standards we follow, we need to do that with a respectful and sensitive attitude, not with an arrogant and self-righteous attitude. But if it is because of our insensitive behavior that they have become alienated, then we have to do what we can to rectify it.
Maybe write letters of clarification, give some gifts, not necessarily devotional gifts, but some gifts that they can relate with and appreciate. Or maybe some, if possible, some devotional gifts that they can appreciate. But whatever is the way in which we can make amends, that is important.
And in general, this is the most common cause. When ultimately everybody has a heart, when that heart is hurt by somebody else, then not only does the head get closed, but the head gets sort of inverse, that means, not only does nothing rational come inside, but actually everything rational that is subsequently presented becomes strongly counter-argued and attempted to be refuted. So over a period of time, if we can regain that basic level of relationship by our proper behavior, then we do not have, we would not have to face that hostility.
So we can check what we did wrong and how we can correct it. This will vary from every individual to individual. But most commonly, it is, if people see pride in somebody for following certain high, certain standard, which according to that person is considered fanatical, but we consider to be high standards, then that alienates a lot of people.
And lastly, there can be certain people who have biases. Some people are atheistic, some people are, for whatever reason, samskaras, experiences, anti-devotional. And these people we just have to keep them at a distance.
So it is said that prema-maitri-krupo-peksha-upeksha. So people, some people have, for whatever reason, they have developed antipathy towards devotional principles, then it’s best to keep a distance from them, even if they are very close relatives. And we can tell that this is something which is a minefield.
And if both of us enter into this, there will be explosions which can hurt both of us. So better have a safe distance and have whatever interactions are there over that distance and let’s not touch this. And that’s how we can continue on in our Krishna consciousness and let them also do whatever they want to do.
It’s best to minimize interactions if they are having biases which are quite deep-rooted. In general, these sort of adversities which come in our life when some of those whom we have loved and those who loved us become hostile towards our devotional service, we need to see this as a test from Krishna and as an opportunity for introspection. A test for Krishna shouldn’t make us feel that just by rejecting what they are doing and rejecting them, we will be advancing Krishna consciousness.
But test for in the sense that we have to go deeper in our devotional consciousness and see how Krishna is acting for our eventual well-being. And for an opportunity for introspection means that often we also have our deficiencies which we do not realize and which we can just get along with without doing anything about when we are not practicing, when we are just doing devotional service without any challenges. But these sort of situations can help us to, can force us in fact, not just help us but force us to introspect and that way we can find out what can be done to solve the issue.
So writing a journal where generally when somebody we love somebody is close to us emotionally when there is a conflict there’s a lot of emotional hot air that is there and when that emotional hot air is vented out directly in the relationship that creates a lot of further conflicts and frictions. But if we keep a personal diary, a journal where we let whatever emotional hot air is there get vented out and then after we are calmed down then we deal with this. Then it is that we will also be more calmer and clearer about where the problem is and what needs to be done to deal with