When good people do bad things 3-How to respond London 14.7.24

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Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
So, this is our last session.
I’ll do a quick recap of what we have discussed till now before we move to the last session. Basically, our concern was that the nature of life is that we will be heard by others. So, when someone hurts us, at that time, how do we view that person? What is our perception of that person? What is our understanding of God’s response, of God’s role in that? And then, what is our response to that? That’s what we are discussing.
So, in terms of our perception of the other person, we need to evaluate whether that wrong was intentional, circumstantial or conditional. With respect to God’s role, we understand that without God’s will, nothing happens. But that doesn’t mean that whatever happened, that’s what God wanted to happen to us.
There is some plan of the Lord over there. And we need to find out that plan ourselves. So, in this session, I’ll take three broad parts.
First, we’ll talk about what God’s plan means. That’s the first part. Second, I’ll talk about what surrender means.
Especially, I’ll talk about surrender and intelligence. How do they go together? And then, last part we’ll talk about is a broad two-step approach to finding our part in God’s plan. So, the idea is, say, I’m facing some suffering in my life.
And there is some plan of God over there. Now, that I should suffer in that particular way, that may or may not be God’s plan. We don’t know that.
But we have to understand what is God’s plan. So, there is a first clear understanding. Sometimes some people have the idea that God’s plan is like one narrow line.
One thin line. One thing wrong, and if you go off that line, then you go off the Lord’s plan. However, a more holistic understanding is God’s plan is like a broad direction.
What is the difference between these two understandings? Let’s consider, let’s say, the Lord is पितामस जगतो मातारदाता पिताम He’s the supreme parent. When I travel across the world, I meet devotees, especially, say, devotee parents in the western world are often concerned about their children, whether they learn the proper values or not. Sometimes they say that our children don’t listen to us.
They don’t follow us. And that causes a lot of distress. They have headaches, heartaches.
So, sometimes I just ask that is your main concern that your child is not listening to you, not obeying you? Yes. Would you like it if you could replace your child with a perfectly obedient robot who looked just like your child? Would any parent want that? My parents say that, you know, I don’t mind having an extra robot. But not at the cost of my child.
Why? Because there is a reciprocation of love. There is a loving relationship that wouldn’t be possible if the other entity is just a robot. So, if we don’t want to reduce our children, we want our children to obey us.
But we don’t want to reduce them to a robot in the name of obedience. So, why would God want that? So, when we say that there is a plan of the Lord for us and we have to follow His plan, that does not mean that when we harmonize with God’s plan that we have to give up our free will. It is rather, when we want our children to listen to us, it’s not that we want to take away their free will.
Rather, we want them to learn to use their free will constructively, wisely, intelligently. And that’s what God also wants for us. So, broadly speaking, God’s plan for us is to bring out our best.
So, that means there are self-destructive desires within us. There are selfish desires within us. So, we could say, the selfish side within us should decrease.
The service side within us, the side which wants to contribute, the side which wants to do something good, that should increase, probably. So, if you consider the spiritual world in which, say, the Gopis serve Krishna, now they all cook food for Krishna, for example. Now, it is not that Krishna, every day, sends a recipe.
Today, I want to cook this, cook this, this, this, this. No, the Gopis know broadly what Krishna likes. The Gopis, they know what all they can cook.
And they cook accordingly. And Krishna is pleased. So, it’s like, somebody says, you know, surprise me, what would you like to do? So, Krishna doesn’t take away the individuality of the Gopis.
Rather, their individuality is purifying, perfected in their service to Krishna. So, doing God’s plan, it’s not something terribly mysterious. It’s not that Krishna is some kind of sadist who says that, if you don’t do my plan, then you are doomed.
And what is my plan? You don’t have the right to know. You are not pure enough to know. It’s not like that.
It is, broadly speaking, we could say, in any situation that we are in, Krishna says, He is the well-wisher of everyone. Suratam sarva-bhutanam, He says, in 529. And then, Krishna says that the characteristics of devotees, He talks about it in 1230.
Adveshta sarva-bhutana, maitra karunaye vachanam. So, devotee is also a well-wisher of everyone. Now, if we consider what does the well-wisher want to do, whatever the things are, the well-wisher wants to make things better for us.
Say, if we are in some pain, the well-wisher may get some medication. If we are feeling emotional pain, they may speak some consoling, encouraging words. So, broadly speaking, the principle, when we say, what is God’s plan, for us in any situation, whatever situation we are in, we can do certain things which should make the situation worse, or we can do certain things which should make the situation better.
So, if God is our well-wisher, then God wants us to do the things which will make things better, to make the choices that will make things better for us. Now, things better could be externally better, internally better, tell me. God’s plan, in that sense, is broadly in harmony with whatever makes things better.
Now, there could be different things which could be done to make things better. And of course, sometimes, our ideas of what might make things better may not be very well-informed. And they may end up making things worse also.
So, all that caveat is there. That sometimes the road to hell is paved with good intentions. So, good intentions alone are not a substitute for good intentions.
I may say, oh, who wants to make things worse? Well, there are some people who, they don’t want to make things worse for themselves, they want to make things worse for others. But sometimes some people are Massachusetts, they like to inflict pain on themselves also. But either way, the point is that whatever makes things better means there is the intention and there is the intelligence.
So, sometimes somebody falls sick and maybe the sickness is going on for a long time, it’s not getting cured and they become bitter, they become grouchy, they start criticizing and complaining and they start making the lives of their caregivers miserable. So, they are sick. And that’s sad.
They are sick. But many times they are sick and they make their caregivers sick of them. Now, that is not necessary to know.
That’s something that can be avoided. So, broadly speaking, we can say that suffering comes upon everyone in life. And we can even say that much of the suffering that comes upon us feels unfair to us.
Now, we could go into past life karma and say that nothing is unfair. But from this life’s perspective, it does seem unfair. And especially when, say, something good is happening to someone else and even this person doesn’t deserve good and something bad is happening to me.
I was at one place in New Zealand and one person was telling me that this person was constantly complaining about another person. So, I said, Prabhu, with all due respect, whenever somebody says, with all due respect, what is going to follow is not going to be very respectful. So, I said, with all due respect, it sounds as if you are jealous of this person.
He said, no, of course I am not jealous. I am just extremely unhappy that good things are happening to him and they are not happening to me. And then he spoke that in Mount Purnima.
That’s actually jealousy. He never identified that emotion. But the point is that many times in our life, it does feel as if what we are going through is unfair.
The suffering is unfair. And we could say there are two distinct trajectories we can go. One is we can go towards vengeance.
We say everybody needs role models in life. Everybody needs heroes that they can emulate. But actually, most people want villains more than heroes.
Villains to blame for what is wrong in my life. We can have a hero. By following that hero, maybe I can become better.
Of course, we want a hero who will save us. But a hero, if you consider a role model, then okay, in this situation, I can deal with this and move forward. But many of us, we want to find someone to blame and take vengeance against that person.
It could be anything. It could be some relative, it could be some family member, it could be some friend, it could be some colleague, it could be some politician, it could be this, it could be that. Now, is it true that those people have hurt us? It’s quite likely.
But when we focus on vengeance, vengeance is revengefulness. We have to find out someone whom I have to hurt back to become free or just get even. Now, the problem with vengeance is that it becomes a mentality.
Even if I succeed, somebody has really hurt me and I succeed in hurting them back afterwards. But once that becomes a mentality, afterwards, even if I have punished that person, my mind will start looking for someone else to blame for the problems that are there in my life. Now, vengeance may make for thrilling action movies.
But in real life, it just becomes a mentality. And from there, a person goes towards malevolence. So, vengeance is specific.
Malevolence means the benevolence is to desire good for others. Malevolence is to desire harm for others. So, this becomes generalized.
Now, we see sometimes some people, they are just so bitter with their lives. We start talking with them and the initial courtesies are over, for a little bit more seems to establish and it’s almost like a poison starts spouting out from them. This person is like this, that person is like that, that person is like that.
And we feel that it’s no wonder it’s such bitterness. And it’s true. For our own emotional health, it’s good not to be too long with bitter people.
But think about them. They are living with that bitterness constantly. How much will it be affecting them? And, you know, this is bad enough when it is directed towards others.
But, you know, vengeance can even be directed towards oneself. Where, I am such a fool, I am such a terrible person, I am a loser, I am useless, I am worthless. And then that sort of thought keeps going on in our mind again and again and again.
This vengeful mentality when it is directed outward, it leads to aggression. When it goes inward, it leads to depression. Because what happens is I am beating myself up.
I lost this opportunity and I did not do this and I did not do that. What a terrible person I am. And this is a dark path to go down.
Now there is definitely taking responsibility that if I have made some mistakes, I have to deal with that. And if somebody has wronged in a particular way, we also have to deal with that. But when that becomes a mentality, that becomes the default way we start thinking, that is quite toxic.
So basically this is the trajectory when somebody starts going down. We all have heard this, hurt people hurt people. And it just keeps going on, a dark downward trajectory.
Somebody is hurt and they hurt others. And then when that person hurts them back, it just goes on. It becomes like a parampara of mutual hurt to each other.
Unfortunately, it is a tradition of abuse. So certainly we can say that going down this trajectory is not God’s plan for us. So we are trying to understand what is God’s plan.
If you understand, God’s plan is that we make things better. So how do we make things better? So the first step would be intelligence. We don’t want to go on this trajectory.
Intelligence means we try to understand what exactly is the issue. We talk about various causes for a problem. Which is the most constructive way of looking at this particular problem.
And once I look at that, then after that then we turn towards practicals. I will talk about intelligence and God’s plan in the next step. But intelligence is important.
And after that, there is transcendence. Transcendence means that with our intelligence, we learn to rise above the situation. And from that higher perspective, we are able to find out how best to deal with the situation.
So we all may be victimized but we don’t have to define ourselves as victims. We may be cheated, but that doesn’t make us gullible fools. So with transcendence, basically we rise above the situation.
Rise above the suffering, rise above the situation. But this doesn’t mean the suffering stays as it is. With transcendence, we will find the right way to deal with it.
So now what is intelligence? What is the constructive causal framework for looking at this? How can I deal with it? God’s plan for us is broadly we make things better. Not that we become bitter and we make things worse. So we don’t have to necessarily depend on some mystical influence that some guru will touch my head and suddenly everything will become clear for me.
Or Krishna will come in my dream and tell me this is what I want you to do. No, such things can happen for some people. But Krishna does not set that example in the Bhagavad Gita.
Krishna takes Arjuna through a process of philosophical analysis for the purpose of practical guidance. What will she do? So now the second point is that with respect to when we say there is God’s plan for me and we should surrender, we should play our part in God’s plan. So what is the relationship between surrender and intelligence? Some people say just surrender to God.
Like when we start talking about bhakti especially people feel bhakti is just bhava, you should feel some emotion. Why do we need all this philosophy, why do we need all this analysis? Bhakti is bhava, but Krishna says buddha bhava samanvidaha. Buddha is intelligence, bhava is emotion.
So devotion, bhakti is a combination of reason and emotion both. In 10.8 Krishna is in the world. He is talking about enlightened people.
Buddha bhava samanvidaha. So the person has reason as well as emotion. Both of them are used in Krishna’s service.
So with respect to our intelligence if we consider God’s will God’s will can be happening to us, but God’s will is also meant to happen to us. There are two distinct modes of harmonizing with God’s will. Say for example, when we talk about surrender what is the standard image of somebody who has surrendered? The classic image of a devotee who has surrendered in trouble? Draupadi.
So Draupadi, she raises her hands in utter dependence on the Lord. My dear Lord, I surrender. Now that is one image definitely.
So whatever is happening, I accept it. This was also the mode in which Jesus for example said around the time of the last supper, he said Oh Lord, let thy will be done. So your will is happening, I accept it.
Now at the end of the Bhagavad Gita Krishna tells Arjuna, surrender. And Arjuna says, yes, I will surrender. In 1866, Arjuna responds to Krishna in 1876 and he says, So now, does Arjuna surrender by raising his hands up? Arjuna said, surrenders by raising his bow up.
Why? Because there his surrender is Krishna wants him to do something. And there surrender is not so much accepting God’s will as it is happening to us. Here surrender is accepting the responsibility to do God’s will.
That I am supposed to be an instrument for you. So here we have another example of surrender as Arjuna. So both are forms of surrender.
You could put it another way is that if I am here and God is here and the world is here now certain things are happening to me and I accept it. This could be God’s will. But certain things are meant to happen through me and that is also God’s will.
So God’s will sometimes it is about accepting what is happening. So when Draupadi she came to a place where there was nothing she could do. There is nothing I can do about it.
So she just accepted God’s will. But Arjuna there was definitely something he could do. And that time he took the responsibility.
So now you may notice I need crutches for walking. So when I was around one I got polio. Basically polio is more or less a disease that has been eliminated by various things including the vaccines, polio shots.
So when I was living in a small town in Maharashtra in India and my parents took me to the hospital over there to get the vaccine shot. But somehow that was a very underdeveloped place and the fridge in which the doctor had kept the vaccines, that fridge power supply had gone off. And so the percentage of the polio germs in the vaccine became excessive.
So the vaccine instead of preventing the polio ended up giving me polio. So then when it happened I had a relative in America, he is my maternal uncle. When he talked to my father he said first let’s sue the doctor.
So my father he is a very peaceful person. His favourite verse in the Bhagavad Gita is Sita Pranthi. He said you know in India lodging a court case is so complicated.
Just probably we will die before the court case even comes for hearing. Anyway now this has happened what can we do. So we accepted it.
Now I have a friend in Florida. He had a daughter and his daughter she was in NIC and the doctors, the medical staff made some big mistake and she was born with cerebral palsy and a lot of other complications. So then at that time she survived but she was going to need lifelong care.
So then he asked, both of us have the same Guru so he asked our Guru, should I accept this as my Karma and just live with it or should I do a case against the hospital. So our Guru Maharaj said that what has happened you can’t change it but at the same time she is your daughter and you have to take care of her. So if you can get some assistance in taking care of her and get the hospital to take responsibility for it then go ahead with it.
You are not suing the hospital to take revenge against them. You are suing the hospital so that you can get the support that you will need for doing your duty of taking care of your daughter. So he did that and because it was clearly not a case of medical malpractice but definitely medical negligence.
So the hospital itself settled out of court and he got financial support and now of course his daughter is still sick but he got that. He is definitely a devotee but devotee does not necessarily mean you accept things passively. So sometimes when something bad happens we accept it.
Sometimes we do something to fix it. So God’s will, how exactly it will work in different situations that requires our use of our intelligence. Surrender is not passivity.
Oh this has happened, this is God’s will, let me accept it. Surrender means that I have also the response to God’s will. I have some duty, I have a responsibility.
I want to be of some service and if some circumstance some situation is preventing me is obstructing me in doing that service then how can I deal with that situation? So this is the second part that God’s will, God’s plan is not a thin one line but it’s a broad direction and to purvoy that direction sometimes we may accept what has happened, sometimes we may accept the responsibility to fix what has happened. Both can be God’s will. That brings us to the last part.
So how do I try to figure out what is God’s will? What should I be doing which will make me a part of the Lord’s plan? Which will keep me in harmony with the higher plan? So I’ll talk about two steps First is transcending and then after transcending there is tackling. We transcend the problem first and then we tackle the problem. And in tackling I’ll talk about three T’s how it all could be done in tackling.
But let’s look first what transcending means. Throughout this course if you forget everything else at least remember this one image you will have gained something significant from the course. What does spiritual growth what does spiritual advancement mean? Normally for us the world is big and God is small.
That means this person said this to me and this happened to me and I’m losing this job and this is happening. So the events of the world they occupy a huge space in our mind. And God is there somewhere in the background in some corner.
For many people because the world is so big for them God often becomes almost irrelevant also. When I was introduced to bhakti I tried to share it with some of my relatives. So my uncle said, yeah of course I believe in God.
He is happy there, I’m happy here. So the idea is when God is so small it’s almost as if he is irrelevant. But as we grow spiritually what happens is the world becomes small and God becomes big for us.
Now when we say becomes what do I mean by that? Actually God is always the biggest reality. But for us in terms of what matters to us for us in terms of what occupies greater mental space and weight inside us God becomes bigger. So that means in the world there will be ups and downs.
Sometimes we’ll be honored, sometimes we’ll be dishonored. But for us maintaining our connection with God remembering God and staying in harmony with him that will be much more important. And in that sense when God becomes bigger for us then the problems of this world they don’t threaten us much.
The problem will still be there. But they are not that overwhelming for us. So basically if I consider that say if there is a huge skyscraper building kind of thing and we are a tiny being at the top of it the building can seem very huge.
Maybe it’s a wall and then we have to cross that wall. But if we are in airlift say if we are in a helicopter now the wall is still there but it appears not so big. Here it appears huge.
So basically when God becomes bigger for us what happens is we rise above the problems. So transcending means basically that God becomes bigger for us. Now what does this mean? As an example it may seem very nice but in terms of I have to face some issues, what does it mean? So many of us remember this verse 15.7 Krishna says that we are parts of Krishna.
We are always parts of Krishna. Now this is a philosophical truth but it also has a psychological implication. If we are always parts of Krishna that means we always have parts in Krishna’s plan.
Say if somebody is selected as a part of the say English cricket team if they are a part of the team that means they will have a part in the team. Ok, you are an opening batsman, you are a pass bowler, you are a medium pacer, you are a spin bowler, you are a cricket keeper. So we are always a part of Krishna’s team.
No matter what mistakes we have done we may have misused our free will somebody else may have subjected us to evil but through it all we are never thrown out of Krishna’s team. We are always parts of Krishna we always have parts in Krishna’s plan. Yes, this problem may be huge and this problem has to be dealt with but this problem may have come because of this person this problem may have come because of my own foolishness whatever be the reason we are never out of Krishna’s plan.
So transcending means gaining that perspective, that assurance that there is a part for me Krishna’s plan is going on and there is an ongoing part for me in that plan. So this is a very profoundly reassuring conviction and when we do our sadhana when we chant the holy name, when we come into the temple and take darshan of the deities, these can very easily become rituals but if we do these seriously at least for a few moments during our prayer, during our meditation, during our chanting for a few moments we bring ourselves into that awareness that Krishna is the bigger reality that Krishna is here with us within us so if even for a few moments everyday we are reminded that Krishna is the bigger reality some trace of that remembrance will stay with us and then the world’s ups and downs especially the downs will not knock us down so much so this is that we always have parts in Krishna’s plan I’ll give a last example to illustrate this we all know about the GPS what is GPS? we also call it as God’s position system so now say if we are driving and say GPS tells us turn right and say somebody else tells us turn left and we go left we all make a mistake or somebody else misleads us, we go left now what does GPS do at that time? tell GPS you didn’t obey me? get lost can you do that? so Krishna is like that GPS we may take a wrong turn but the GPS has got the whole territory rooted properly so even if you have taken a wrong turn you can still come back on the right path now this does not mean that the wrong turns don’t matter every wrong turn will mean it will take us more time to get to the station, it may require more fuel the effort may be more so it’s not that the wrong turns are inconsequential they do matter but they are not fatal so we are never thrown out of God’s plan no matter whether we have done something wrong others have done something wrong so that is our goal when we are practicing bhakti, when we are chanting the holy names we are trying to bring ourselves in the presence of Krishna this is the perspective that we need first of all that Krishna is with me, Krishna’s plan is still working in my life that’s transcending now after transcending we may say ok, Krishna is with me, Krishna’s plan is still working but still I have to deal with the situation so how are we going to deal with the situation that’s where it comes to tackling now broadly with respect to tackling there are three ways of tackling the situation one is tolerating the other is transforming the third is transferring transferring ourselves to some other situation so let’s look at the Pandavas initially when Bhima was poisoned at that time Bhima survived and when he came to know what had happened he was enraged, he said I will go and teach that Duryodhana lesson so Yudhishthira said it’s not in that right now he said we are new over here, we have just come to the forest we don’t want to break our family apart maybe Duryodhana is feeling insecure, maybe he is feeling a bit envious let’s keep a low profile, let’s not provoke him we will be alert but let’s not provoke things maybe this is his insecurity, his envy will gradually go away so he tolerated now unfortunately that didn’t lead him to anything positive he only kept becoming worse then when the attempt was made to burn them alive in the forest in the house of land so the Pandavas, they again could have gone back to the kingdom and decided to confront but they didn’t do that because at this point after poisoning, they just tolerated now here after the burning they decided to just move away from the situation they said that this was a big scheme now who all are in this scheme Dhritarashtra definitely has to be in, otherwise it can’t happen but they said that going back will only make things worse so they kept a low profile till eventually Arjuna won the hand of Draupadi now the Pandavas were no longer just orphan young kids of course they had a mother but not having a father was like being an orphan in those times so they were not just helpless kids now they were the sons-in-law of a very powerful rival kingdom so certainly Drupada would want his daughter to live in the prosperity that we hope for and they do so Dhritarashtra reluctantly called the Pandavas back and gave them one half now again, let’s say a parent has two companies, let’s say if it’s divided fairly I’ll give one company to Jyoti but one company is flourishing and the other is on the verge of bankruptcy and if the two companies are divided it’s utterly unfair but the Pandavas accepted it they went to Khandava and they converted that into a flourishing kingdom so again they transferred themselves eventually, even after Draupadi was dishonored the Pandavas, they were angry, they took furious vows but they still were ready to settle peacefully that’s why multiple rounds of peace negotiations happened, Krishna was the final but when they tried to arrest even Krishna then they decided that this person is just not ready to so then transformed the situation they fought the Kurukshetra war so in the service of the lord there are different ways in which we may act so Vishal Prabhupada was in India for example he was trying his best to share Krishna Bhakti and it was just not working for 20, 30, 35 years he was trying in India but somehow at that time India had just got political independence and Indians were very infatuated with the west and their idea was that everything western is great, Indians is ok they are not really very interested in that so now Prabhupada said ok I am trying nothing is working let me just give up he said what did he do he went from there all the way to America it’s interesting if you look at what Prabhupada was thinking Indians are infatuated with the west especially Indians are infatuated with the white skin and what these people do and because of that they are not valuing Indian spirituality so now if you consider the Indians being infatuated with the white skin that is Maya that is illusion but Prabhupada was using one form of Maya to counter another form so ok you are infatuated with the white skin and you try to go to the west if western people start practicing bhakti and you will see that and then you will start taking your own legacy more seriously so Prabhupada went all the way from India to America he was always surrendered now when he did come to America initially he was staying at the house of and their father had asked them to sponsor but they had no interest in spirituality in Krishna Consciousness for them Swami was just an obligation and when he was staying there they used to eat meat and Prabhupada was a person who had never even drunk tea or coffee and now he was keeping the bhoga which he would offer to Krishna in the same fridge where there was meat even beef was there now the hostess Sally Agarwal she had some sense that Swamiji does not eat meat she was apologetic and said Swamiji we have only one fridge what can we do about it Prabhupada didn’t think nothing about it so Prabhupada was not sending them on a gift trip Prabhupada was not making a big you won’t cry about it why? because he knew that this is not the place where he is going to be permanently so then later on Prabhupada came back to India in 1970s and then he got the land in Juhu and he wanted to build a temple there but then the person who sold him the land that person was an influential person but he was also a deceptive person so he wanted to take the money and not give the land also and that time Prabhupada said if he wants to steal Krishna’s land he will have to go over my temple and Prabhupada fought at that point and now there is a magnificent temple in Juhu so Prabhupada was transforming over there so the idea is that when we are trying to serve Krishna sometimes we live with that situation and we move onwards just live with it sometimes you may go to a different situation all three are valid approaches however we need to have it clear that my focus is to serve Krishna and why am I tolerating? ok this person is a disagreeable person but while being here I can do this valuable service so we may tolerate so that we can do some service so if now each of these if without transcending that means without understanding that Krishna is a higher reality and Krishna has a plan for my life without transcending if we are tackling then what will happen is we won’t be tolerating we will simply be resenting why is this person like this? why can I not do anything about it? so when we are resenting sooner or later that resentment is going to burst either it will burst out like a volcano and hurt others or it will just be like toxic emotions inside us and hurt us so it is very important to know what tolerance means tolerance has two aspects to it one is keep small things small the second is actually even more important keep big things big and these two are not just two distinct things they are very much related the more we can keep small things small the more we can keep big things big and the more we keep big things big the more we can keep small things small but if in the name of tolerating we are not able to do any big thing at all then the tolerating will be resenting so Krishna tells Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita it says tolerate but when he says tolerate what does he mean by that? he is not implying that the Kauravas have performed so many atrocities just tolerate that and live with it he is telling that you have this duty of fighting the war and you have to fight against Vishwa and Drona that is difficult but this is what your duty is calling you to do even if it is difficult, tolerate the difficulty and do the duty so Arjuna was making oh I have to fight against Vishwa and Drona that is the big thing so he said no that is a small thing the big thing is you have to be a part of my plan in establishing Dharma in establishing the rule of virtue in the world so we don’t want to be resenting if we are not able to move towards Krishna through a situation then that tolerating will simply be repressing or suppressing ourselves and will explode similarly without tolerating, without transcending first if we are transforming the situation we will essentially not be transforming we will be retaliating you did this to me I will do this to you so in the name of transforming you are the problem and you have to suffer because you are the problem and this is not a healthy attitude it is significant that Krishna tells Arjuna to fight the war but still in 1155 and that was one of the places, many places he said Nirvairaha Sarvabhuteshu have no enmity towards anyone in the Pandavas for the war it was to establish Dharma to bring about justice it was not to take revenge so we are transforming it is as he says Nirvairaha, have no enmity that’s why this transcending is very important Krishna says remember me and then fight that first remembering me means understand that there is a higher plan to my life and once I understand the higher plan then let me prayerfully see how can I move ahead and similarly when you are talking about tackling transferring, if we have not actually dealt with if you are not really connected with Krishna then transferring will just be running around oh this situation is very difficult, I am going to go away from here but then every situation in life will have some difficulty how long are we going to keep running around so if we are transferring ourselves from a situation it is not just because this situation is troublesome it is because this situation is preventing me from doing my dharma this situation is preventing me from moving towards Krishna, from doing my seva but then I don’t want to get involved in combating that situation I just want to move ahead we are not running away, we are moving to a different lane where we can move towards Krishna so the idea is that whichever way we do, I said Krishna’s will is like an express way like a broad way now Krishna’s will is like a if it is a broad way now sometimes it might be a very narrow lane the lane is very narrow and slow but still we are moving forward, if we are going on this lane we may say we will tolerate sometimes maybe we are going along the lane and there is complete chaos and disorder and we may decide that we have to establish some order over here everybody is honking, everybody is cutting each other we have to create some system, we have to have some order over here so we transform so that we can keep moving forward on that lane but sometimes we may decide this lane is too messy it is too messy to stay, too messy to change then you might decide I want to go to a different lane so this is transfer so in all of these our focus is how can I move towards Krishna how can I do things, what can I do in a mood of service that will make things better so if we have this attitude then we will find that through all situations we will keep moving towards Krishna this is a big philosophical subject but I will make one last point about these three ways of dealing with things Krishna in 1814 in the Bhagavad Gita talks about the five factors of action so he says that there are broadly when we do an action for the action to get to the result there are five distinct factors now if you don’t understand all these factors don’t worry too much about it but I am just giving these three options that I have talked about I give some example from Shastra but I also give some philosophical understanding of how these factors work so Krishna says let’s consider this is a mountain in between there is a valley so here is the action and here is the result so Krishna says this bridge has five planks these five factors when they work together then we get to the result so what are the five factors? first is the Karta Karta is the soul second is so the second he says let’s move from inward towards outward so this is the Adhishthan Adhishthan is the place that then the third is the Karanam Karanam refers to the senses specifically it refers to the skills that the senses have for example somebody is a good singer in one sense their voice is special their throat is special biologically it’s not necessary that their throat is going to be differently structured the talent is a subtle thing then there is Cheshta Cheshta is endeavor and last is Daiva Daiva is destiny so he says there are these three factors involved in the translation of action to result so let’s look at an example to illustrate this say if somebody is going to do gardening now in gardening what do we need? we need the place we need the soil to be fertile then we need the seeds we need the seeds imported and then we need the gardening itself to be effective when you are gardening you have to water at the right time in the right quantity, don’t put too much water if you do all these three things then the crops will grow now of course beyond that sometimes a storm might come sometimes a thieves might come, an earthquake might come so then Daiva is there among these three, Karta is the soul that is fixed, we are who we are Daiva, destiny is fixed but these three intermediate things the place where we are working the skills that we have and the endeavor that we are putting those three can be changed so when we are working so if we are not getting success or say if we are facing a problem if we are working and our work is not being recognized if we are trying to we are trying to be good with the person but that person is constantly treating us bad so broadly speaking we can say that there could be three reasons for this corresponding to these three factors it is that if the place the skills and the endeavor so it could be that we are just in a inhospitable place if I am in a inhospitable place then what do I do we need to say suppose somebody is in America and may be 20-30 years in America and they were very talented in cricket or say 30 years ago somebody in India is very talented in baseball now nobody knows what baseball is in India when I started going to America in 2014 I often give cricket examples so the devotees in America said don’t give cricket examples here for Americans cricket is an insect it is not a game so somebody may have great talent in cricket but if that game is not played there it is an inhospitable place the solution is transfer it we have to go to a place which is not hospitable no matter how well a person does gardening no matter how good seeds are there the soil itself is not fertile you can’t do much about it now sometimes the person just may not have if you consider skills say somebody may be doing incompatible they have incompatible skill set the work they are doing is incompatible that means somebody is very good at music they are not really good at gardening and they try to garden then it’s not going to work they have to at that time be transformed either I have to develop the skills or I have to go to some other job where I have the skills so the seeds may be potent but if the seeds require a hospitable soil and if the soil is hospitable I don’t have those seeds only the seeds that grow over there either I have to get the seeds which grow over there or I have to go where these seeds can grow so sometimes we may not be appreciative because at that time we have to be transformed sometimes it’s just endeavor is what is required the soil may be good, the seeds are there but it’s not that today I have planted and tomorrow I will have the roses it may take sometimes months, years so sometimes it may just be that our endeavor is insufficient then we need to be tolerated that means I am working but I am not getting the result let me wait, let me tolerate things will work out so this is as I said a philosophical concept even if you don’t get the idea of how these 5 factors of action work together the point I was making is Tolerating, Transforming and Transferring these are 3 broad approaches we have and all 3 can be done with a service attitude so say somebody has hurt us and you might say this person is a good person and they just have this particular behavioral weakness or they particularly have this weakness I will accept this and I just move on with life I will not expect that maybe this thing they are never going to improve so I learn to live with it, that’s tolerating sometimes we may have to decide that the way this person is I have to take a strong stand about it I have to transform the situation this is not the way it can function together this is what you have to do to change we take some disciplinary action we seek some punishment sometimes it may happen that the person who has hurt us is just too powerful just too autocratic just getting into dealing with that person is going to be a huge complication and we decide that getting this person to justice is not the mission of my life so we may decide that this person is a bad person but this is not going to work for me I don’t want to spend my life in this we might just move out of that personal kshetra voluntarily make a proper plan and get out of that personal kshetra and continue our work what bhakti wisdom does for us is that it helps us first of all it gives us a higher assurance that no matter how we have been hurt we are still a part of Krishna’s plan and then it gives us a broader vision of how we can move ahead this is Krishna’s plan and you have to follow it there are multiple avenues in Krishna’s plan and we can see what works best for us and move ahead in our lives so I will summarize what we discussed today I have broadly discussed 3 points the whole point was responding to hurt so we were trying to see how we can play our part in God’s plan the first point was God’s plan is not a thin line it is more like a broad direction in which the Lord wants us to go so what are the key characteristics of broad direction we act in a way that makes things better things better could be internally better or externally better we try to act in a way that helps us move upwards, move Godward move towards making things better so we shouldn’t be paralyzed with worry thinking is this God’s plan for me or not we use our God given intelligence and move on then we talked about the role of intelligence in surrender surrender has both aspects one is God’s plan happens to us then we accept it God’s plan is also meant to happen through us and there we accept responsibility to change so this example of surrender is Draupadi example of surrender is Arjuna so both are parts of surrender then we discussed that so how do we go about dealing with the situation so first is we focus on transcending the situation so transcending means basically recognizing that initially we feel this problem is so big and what is God even doing for me but eventually what happens is the world becomes small and the problem becomes small and God becomes bigger so getting that perspective when we do that then what happens is we understand that Krishna is the ultimate GPS and we always have a part in Krishna’s plan so this gives us a deeper assurance so by transcending we get the assurance the reassurance that something is working there is some plan of Krishna in this and then after that what is the second part tackling now tackling can be done in three ways tolerating we discussed the Pandavas tolerating initially Prabhupada tolerating in America then there is transforming in the same situation I can tolerate I can change the situation Juhu for the land what the Pandavas did with respect to the Kurukshetra war and then transferring just move out of the situation because we understand that this is not what I want to get involved in now all these three can be done resentfully or they can be done negatively tolerating is not resenting if we are not transcended first then we will be not transforming we will just be retaliating we will not be transferring we will be running away so we don’t want this and then we discussed how these three relate with the three aspects of when we are tolerating we are focusing on the chishta when I am transforming what we are doing is we are developing our karma I need to develop the skill set by which I can act on the situation and we are transferring we are recognizing that this adhistan this place is not the right place for me so I need to go to a different place so through it all we understand that whether we are transferring or transcending sorry transcending and tackling we stay in Krishna conscious knowing that Krishna can bring good so the world can hurt us in many ways but greater than the world’s power to hurt the world can hurt us in many ways but greater than the world’s power to hurt is Krishna’s power to heal when you focus on that power through even the darkest of situations Krishna will guide us to eventually a place that is much better internally and externally thank you very much are there any questions or comments yes ma’am could you explain again what is the difference between transferring and running away because it seems like in transferring we are moving ourselves through the situation so how is it not running away see when we are running away we are primarily conscious of how terrible the situation is and that is the focus when we are transferring when we are running away we are situation conscious, problem conscious, trouble conscious but when we are transferring we are service conscious we are Krishna conscious but this is not the place where I can do my service therefore I will seek a different place where I can continue my service thank you I was just seeing it from another perspective I think you were describing how we may be in situations where we are hurt or suffering and how we should deal with it and I was thinking of it in another way if someone is accusing us of hurting them and we may have done it, we may not have done it should we be trying to explain to them that we have not done it particularly if we see it that this person has already come to a conclusion they already think that we are bad, we are wrong we are constantly making mistakes I have made a small little mistake but it is not consistent with everything else I have been doing I am consistently doing good, I am trying to help you I have made this one apparent mistake and I am being labelled as a bad person should we try and explain that to the person or do we think that they have already come to that conclusion let’s move on yeah, that’s a good question a good question is a good way of saying I don’t have an answer it’s not easy when people label us in a particular way my understanding is that it’s a part of our service to have also a good relationship with others and if somebody has accused us we could just be all defensive why are you thinking like this about me we could try to clear our good name with that in mind but it could also be that when a person has a particular conception about me then that’s going to create tension in the relationship that’s going to vitiate the atmosphere so let me try to as a servant clarify things so definitely I would say initially we have to try to transform maybe I had a mistake I have made a mistake and I am trying to learn and improve or it could be that I am going to also you have a particular conception but let’s talk about it and see if the conception will resolve now having said that there will always be some people who will never see our way of looking at things so detachment means to respect others right to be wrong to respect others right to be wrong now we don’t assume they are wrong and think I am right that is the opposite of detachment that would be hyper attachment, self righteousness but if they have come to an assessment which they just not ready to change then we will tolerate it, live with it some people will never be satisfied with us they will never appreciate us I was going to start to do a meditation and one person came very politely I can see that you are very angry with me what have I done to make you so angry can you tell me the second person said you exist now if somebody has an attitude like that what do I do so that you don’t stop existing now the other person was not saying that in a hateful sense he said just everything about you annoys me the way you laugh, the way you talk, the sound of your voice now it sometimes just happens some people just like we are attracted to some people you can’t really give a logical point by point reason why I am attracted to it we may give a reason but then somebody else could say those reasons apply to this person why I am not attracted to this person so to some extent Raga and Vesha are beyond our rational capacity to understand each other so sometimes it may be a sliver some people will never be able to understand just live with it but then if that person is in a big position and that person is out to make our life miserable then we may decide I can’t be here if this person is propagating like this I don’t want to fight with them so all three options may be necessary to be considered in different contexts thank you so much I was wondering if we are following God’s plan and we are practicing devotional service and what happens, what is the limitation for tolerance and how long can you be tolerant it can be a year, two years, five years, ten years fifteen, twenty, it doesn’t matter is there a time to transfer yes of course again the point of tolerating is not tolerating the point is that this is an issue which I don’t like but there is something I like something of value for me but then if what is of value for us doesn’t remain of that much value say like if we have a job which you don’t like but it is paying us well so there is no pleasure in the job but there is something of value other than the money now over a period of time we may tolerate the unpleasantness of the job because the money is there but say over a period of several years because we have enough savings we don’t have so much financial insecurity at that time is this money worth this much inconvenience this much trouble, headache so rather than focusing on the limits of tolerance it is better to focus on what is the big thing and how we are able to pursue it thank you but also transferring can be quite a scary process sometimes no so that is why I think rather than focusing on these options first because I want to serve Krishna so how best can I serve Krishna and we keep that attitude first I will give the intelligence so none of these options will come without any flip side when Prabhupada left India to come to America in India he had both security and respect and the sadhus, no sadhus Prabhupada was living in Vrindavan, it is a holy place and sadhus would always get some food and some staying facility and Prabhupada would come to a place like Delhi or some other places India is a pious country and any well to do person would open their home to host a sadhu now Prabhupada didn’t just want respect Prabhupada wanted people who were dedicated or at least interested to become dedicated followers so who were interested in becoming devotees dedicated devotees so then Prabhupada left India and it was definitely a courageous thing to do at that age when he has not even left the country of India once at the age of 69-70 he is leaving to go to a completely different land so yes it was definitely a heroically courageous thing to do so his focus was not so much that I am running away from Vrindavan or I am running away from India, this is what I need to do for my service to the Lord so if he stays service centered then each side is positive and negative will be able to evaluate more objectively so what about society or shame or things like that other factors which may come or may not come like the hurdles see in general Prabhupada talks about a devotee should be resourceful resourceful means it can be many different things but it is basically basically we sometimes adjust our aspiration to our situation or sometimes we adjust our situation to our aspiration so we have to decide what is more important for us then that this is something which I want to do and in this situation I am not able to do it then either I find something else which I can do in that situation or I change the situation so that I can do it so these are all important factors to consider but my understanding would be that rather than focusing simply on transferring especially my and I would say that the western tendency is more to focus on changing things change the situation or fight against the situation so that can go towards the extreme the eastern tendency is more towards stability and that can also go towards the extreme where a person becomes passive so we need a balance where we it’s good to if we have some friend or guide whom we can consult it’s good to write things down and pray to Krishna and deliberate and then make a decision yes please could you give me some advice on how do I develop the attitude of surrender surrender has both aspect of actions and aspect of emotions there are six elements of surrender accept what is favorable, avoid what is unfavorable and then there are the emotions or dispositions that Krishna is my protector, Krishna is my maintainer so those six elements of surrender are given so the disposition that comprises surrender will take time the conviction that Krishna is our maintainer, Krishna is our protector that will take some time to come but what we can do is in any situation that you are in you can try to think what is favorable and what is unfavorable if you focus on that then generally we have our likes and dislikes and we decide what to do or not to do based on those likes and dislikes but if we consider my likes and dislikes are there but is there something more to consider what is favorable for Krishna what is unfavorable for my spiritual growth what is favorable for my service to Krishna if you just keep considering those things that kind of consideration itself is a sign of surrender I am just wondering sometimes in a situation there are different ways how we can act some of you are mentioned that you are part of the private family too and probably many people would have been in that situation so we need to understand what is the right action I am wondering is there a way how to make sure we derive the right lessons from that and also which action see I don’t think there is anything like a right lesson because each one of us is a different individual in describing the qualities of brahmana and kshatriyas Krishna describes two opposite qualities for example for a brahmana he says kshama, forgiveness but for a kshatriya he says not flinching from a confrontation not fleeing from a confrontation so different people have different dispositions sometimes you talk about shame or something like that sometimes you may have to decide if there is a particular situation if I try to change the situation there is going to be a lot of complexity if I don’t try to change the situation there is also going to be a lot of inconvenience so we may have to decide what will be more difficult for me to deal with that I decide, I try to fix this and I got myself caught in so many complexities and my mind will keep beating why did I get involved, why did I get involved or if I don’t do something and then afterwards inside me I feel beating I can’t live with myself, how could I stay silent when all this is happening so I don’t think there is any right decision in the sense that what is right for one person may be different from what is right for another person it also depends on our disposition so it’s good to have, to consult if we have some devotees to talk with, if I have a spiritual guide it’s helpful, if not we write down the various pros and cons of various factors and then get it written down carefully and then maybe write a physical paper put that paper on the altar in front of Krishna and pray to Krishna, Krishna this is my intelligence, this is my thinking please guide me this is what you think also is right for me and may be we keep it there for a few hours, for a day maybe during that time try to connect ourselves with Krishna transcending and tackling it can be like a cyclic process I transcend, then I tackle and again I transcend so during that time we do some intense prayers we do some intense devotional activities to open our heart to Krishna and then we take that from the altar and re-read again see if we got some fresh insights and fresh perspectives and then we try to arrive at Krishna Chitta last question so what I was saying is that when we think when we are not really Krishna conscious when God is very small for us then what happens is, oh I am alone in this big bad world and this terrible person is hurting me so terribly what am I going to do so the whole situation seems to be overwhelmingly large and we seem to be powerlessly tiny for that situation but when we connect with Krishna when we practice Bhakti when we infuse ourselves with Krishna consciousness then it is like we have risen above that situation when Krishna becomes bigger for us the problem starts becoming small ok, this is there, but I have to deal with it let me find out how best I can deal with it so thank you very much I pray that all of us in whatever situations we may be that we can gain deeper understanding of Krishna’s love for us and acceptance of us in whatever situation we are and we gain greater clarity about how we can move forward and upward through that situation toward Krishna in harmony with His plan for us thank you very much Jai what a wonderful course I wish it could be longer I am looking around, I can see so many people very reflective and I was just about to say a similar prayer myself but I said it so eloquently in School of Bhakti we try and volunteer organize these events, courses retreats, really just to share the wisdom we share Bhagwat’s books facilitating, sharing the wisdom as it is and providing it in such a relevant, relatable way and we just pray that everyone benefits in some way, shape or form and can share with others as well so we have so many courses running they are all on our website