When our conditionings seem too strong… Chaitanya Charan

I’ve been traveling across the world for the last ten years, speaking to people from diverse traditions, cultural backgrounds, and even religious backgrounds. While there can be many differences of opinion on various issues, there’s one truth everyone can agree on, a truth that can be summarized in three words: Life is tough.

Isn’t it? Whether we are wealthy or poor, popular or unknown, tall or short, fat or thin, educated or not so educated, life isn’t easy for anyone. Most often, when we consider the toughness of life, we tend to think of external troubles: a struggling economy, bad weather, or people causing us problems. These troubles undoubtedly exist.

However, one factor we often overlook is the significant trouble we bring upon ourselves. There’s something inside us that seems to work against us. I learned this lesson early in life. Since childhood, I’ve had a strong interest in language. One of my hobbies was picking up a dictionary and memorizing words, which helped me develop a fairly good vocabulary.

But as I grew up, I also had a bit of a temper. While having a bad temper is a problem, I discovered that having a bad temper and a good vocabulary is a deadly combination. Most people, when they get angry, become incoherent. They may scream, rant, or shriek, and while we can see they’re angry, they often appear to have lost control. We often don’t take seriously what a person says when they’re angry because they become incoherent. But if someone is articulate and well-spoken—not necessarily sweet-spoken, but someone who uses words precisely—those words can become viciously cutting swords. I noticed I was hurting a lot of people, even though I didn’t want to.

It was almost as if my own strength was being used against me. A good vocabulary is a strength, but I realized that instead of using this strength to connect with others, it was being used to alienate them. Our words can either form bridges that bring us closer to others, or they can become barriers, walls that separate us. I recognized that I was alienating people and needed to address this anger.

When I started reading the Bhagavad Gita in my college days, a particular verse spoke directly to me. I could personally relate to it because anger was genuinely hurting me and causing me to hurt others. This realization—that there’s something inside us that seems to work against us—is one everyone comes to sooner or later. Yes, life presents many problems, and while some problems come from outside, quite often, it’s our reaction that worsens them.

For example, someone might forget to get something important we need. Their forgetfulness is annoying and disturbing. But if we fly into a rage and speak something harsh and hurtful, what would have been a minor inconvenience for a few hours could result in words that scar the person for weeks or even years. In that sense, trouble is both external and internal.

Arjuna’s question in the Bhagavad Gita highlights this: “There is some force inside me which is making me act against my best interests. And it seems to be an extremely strong force.” This idea of an internal opposing force exists across history and geography, not just in ancient cultures but also in popular fiction. In modern society, people speak of “inner demons.” Today, people may not believe in literal demons, but they certainly believe in the idea of inner demons.

In one sense, you could say people may not believe in Krishna, but they have to believe in Maya. By Maya, I don’t necessarily mean a force that creates illusion, but rather something that makes us act against our own interests. These “inner demons” are a universal concept. Even in fictional works like Star Wars, there’s the idea of the “dark side.” In Indian movies or Native American traditions, there’s the concept of the “good dog and the bad dog.” This idea is everywhere: there is some force that seems to work against us.

Krishna is now going to equip Arjuna to deal with this inner force. But before we can deal with it, we need to recognize its presence. What I’m about to discuss will be summarized in a four-quadrant diagram. But before we go to the diagram, let’s read the next paragraph. Would you like to read, please?

Yes. So as I said, we may deny the existence of God. We could say that there is the power of Maya, the force of illusion. So we may accept that there is Maya and there is the power of Maya. Or we may reject its guidance, saying there’s no such thing as Maya, no such force of illusion that makes me act this way. Similarly, there is the power of Krishna. We may accept it—meaning we take the power of Krishna seriously—or reject it—meaning we don’t take it seriously, that it doesn’t matter.

Here’s a corrected and more polished version of the text:

So, broadly, our life story can be understood through these four quadrants, especially when we consider accepting the power of Maya. In many ways, our life story is the story of our encounters with temptation. In the West, “encounter” is quite common, but in India, it often implies confronting and destroying. However, in its general sense, “encounter” simply means to face something. How we deal with temptation fundamentally shapes our entire life.

For example, with the abundance of technology and gadgets available to children today, there’s immense potential for distraction and wasted time. This ultimately stems from the force of illusion. One significant impact of social media is that secondhand experience has become more important than firsthand experience, especially among teenagers. What happens is this: suppose someone attends a party, a festival, an outing, a hike, a trek, or any event, and they genuinely have a good time. But then they take photos, post them on social media—Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, whatever—and even if they had a wonderful time, if their photos don’t get enough likes, or if they get fewer likes than their friends’ photos, that whole experience can become worthless. The lived experience might have been wonderful, but if others don’t acknowledge it as wonderful, then it ceases to be wonderful for them. That’s why the acknowledgment of our experiences by others has become so crucial.

This highlights the idea of illusion. Illusion can manifest in how much we are affected by social media. People get caught in constant comparison, leading to depression in many young individuals due to incessant comparisons. Similarly, young men often get caught up in video gaming. I was completely hooked myself. I saw a cartoon once where a man tells his friend, “Yesterday, my broadband Wi-Fi went down, so I spent some time with my family. They seem like nice people.” It’s as if he doesn’t even know who they are!

Our entire lives, whether as students needing to study or professionals needing to work, can be consumed by social media, Browse ads, and endless consumption. There’s alcoholism, and there’s also “shopaholism,” the urge to “shop till you drop.” Historically, this meant physically going to malls and buying so many things that one would drop from exhaustion. Now, we don’t even have to leave our homes; we can just click on our phones and buy as many things as we want.

The point is, temptation is always present. Broadly speaking, our life story is shaped by how we face temptation. This isn’t just for someone who wants to live a life of devotion and understands that Maya will draw us away from Krishna. Maya will not only take us away from Krishna; it won’t even let us live happily on a material level. To whatever degree happiness is possible materially, even that will be taken away.

If we consider Krishna at the top, below that there is Sattva, then Rajas, and finally Tamas. Sattva, Rajas, and Tamas are like the gears of a car; a car in a particular gear functions in a particular way. Similarly, a mind infected by a particular mood functions distinctly. Maya, if we are at a higher level, will pull us downwards. If we are here, Maya will pull us here. So from Krishna, it will pull us to Sattva; from Sattva, it will pull us to Rajas; and from Rajas, it will pull us to Tamas. Even for people with no spiritual interest, the force of temptation is ever-present. Someone might be living a materially responsible life, then perhaps they get fired, can’t find another job, become depressed, and out of depression, start drinking. Losing a job is a problem, but becoming addicted to alcohol is a far bigger problem, isn’t it? So the force of temptation, the force of illusion—this Maya—is there for everyone, constantly dragging us down.

I mentioned that in this particular diagram, if we are to overcome the force of illusion, we need to take Maya seriously, and we need to take Krishna seriously. What does it mean to take Maya seriously? It means recognizing the need to fight against temptation. And if we understand and accept the power of Krishna, there is hope to fight.

Whatever our temptation might be—short temper, excessive shopping, gossiping—we all have different kinds of temptations that ensnare us. What happens with gossiping? We just keep talking, talking, talking. Generally, talking isn’t bad, but what we talk about can be. When does gossip often happen? The word “gossip” itself. Often, gossip happens when we “go for a sip.” We might be in the office, by the water cooler, drinking some water, and then we hear, “Oh, this happened to this person, this person did like this, this person did like that.” Or we visit our homes with friends, neighbors, relatives, and we’re all perhaps sipping chai, as is common in India. While Indian cuisine hasn’t gained as much traction in the West as Chinese cuisine, chai is very well-known. When I do Western outreach and speak to Westerners, I once took a group of about 25-30 Western yoga students on a tour to India for ten or fifteen days. My name is Chaitanya Charan, which is a very difficult name for most people to pronounce. Finally, one of the young women in the group said, “Chaitanya.” I said, “Okay, wonderful! You got my name. How did you get it?” She said, “I thought of ‘Tanya taking chai.’” In Sanskrit, there’s the idea of sandhi vigraha—separating a word into its constituents. I thought, “No acharya would have thought of this sandhi vigraha!” So now, I introduce myself to Western audiences as “Charan”; it’s much more straightforward for people.

Anyway, my point was that often, when we’re just sitting down to have chai, or herbal tea, or whatever, that’s when we might start gossiping. And sometimes, when we gossip, when does it generally happen? Two things have to align for gossiping to occur: first, we hear something we like (information that isn’t likable or interesting generally isn’t gossiped about), and second, we hear it about someone we don’t like. “Oh, wow! Now, in the public interest, I will tell this to everyone!” Sometimes, we gossip about someone, and that person somehow finds out, “Oh, this person spoke like this about me.” And then a good relationship turns cold. Or even when we are gossiping about someone, the other person might seem to enjoy the gossip, but they might be thinking, “Oh, today you are speaking like that about this person; tomorrow you may speak like that about me.”

What happens because of this is that there can be many different kinds of temptations, but the underlying idea is that there’s a part of us that knows this will cause harm, but we overlook it. So, if our life story is a story of dealing with temptation, I’ll discuss these four quadrants. We need to recognize that there is a force of illusion, and that this force works against us, hence the need to fight against it.

Generally speaking, if we consider these four quadrants, let’s start with quadrant two. If we don’t believe there’s a need to fight, nor do we have any hope in fighting—we don’t believe in Maya, and we don’t believe in Krishna—then what happens is we are simply dragged down. It’s like Srila Prabhupada says, “Some people go to hell, others happily go to hell.” This means they are doing things whose consequences they don’t even recognize or realize. So, we are effortlessly dragged down, meaning we aren’t even fighting against it, and we end up becoming degraded.

Now, if we recognize the power of Maya but don’t recognize the power of Krishna, this is where we often become hopeless. Why hopeless? For example, some people get addicted to something, try to give it up, can’t, try again, can’t, and eventually decide, “I give up the attempt to give up.” It’s like the British playwright Oscar Wilde said, “Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it over a hundred times. And I can do it today, tomorrow, every day. But I give it up, but it does not give me.” It comes back again. So sometimes people just become hopeless, thinking, “You know, this conditioning is so strong, this attachment is so strong; I will never be able to give it up.” So, if we acknowledge that something is strong, that means we may not use the term Maya, but we are acknowledging the power of Maya. Acknowledging the power of Maya, but not acknowledging the power of Krishna, can lead to hopelessness.

It sounds like you’ve provided a transcript of a spiritual discourse. It’s already quite clear and well-structured, conveying a central message about acknowledging both the power of Krishna (divine grace/strength) and the power of Maya (illusion/temptation).

The speaker uses effective analogies (drinking and driving, cliff edge, Swiss cheese, diabetes, cancer) and examples from scripture (Yudhishthir, Ajamil, Ravan) to illustrate their points. The concept of “quadrants” is introduced to categorize different levels of acknowledgment of Krishna and Maya.

Here’s a slightly refined version that maintains the original meaning and conversational tone while enhancing flow and clarity in a few places:

Now, if we acknowledge Krishna’s power—yes, Krishna is all-powerful. Krishna can elevate me, purify me, liberate me; there’s no problem there. But if we don’t acknowledge the power of Maya, then what happens is we become careless.

Carelessness means thinking, “This is no problem.” In much of the Western world, for example, the idea is “drink, but don’t get drunk.” Is that possible? Yes, it’s part of the culture; people do that. But what happens is they may not get drunk for the majority of their lives. However, when something bad happens, and if drinking is their coping mechanism, then at that time, something might just push them over the edge.

It’s like someone who regularly goes to the edge of a cliff where the ground is slippery and there’s a huge fall. They regularly peer over and look down, and some people even like to take dangerous selfies there. They go, “I’ve done it many times; nothing has happened.” But what happens is sometimes they might be there and not notice that the ground is slippery. Suddenly, a sharp gust of wind comes, and they slip.

So, yes, we may think, “Okay, I’m pure enough. I’m strong enough. Krishna is strong enough.” We think that temptation isn’t a big problem. But then what may happen is we will get overcome. There’s this concept called Swiss cheese, where all the bad things that can happen align at the same time. It’s not just one worst-case scenario, but three or four happening simultaneously. Even a well-laid situation can get devastated.

I have a friend in the Indian army, and they’re still investigating what happened in Pahalgam. He was telling me that, at least right now, the understanding is that, like Swiss cheese, everything that could go wrong, went wrong. Sometimes it just happens like that. So, we can become careless to some extent. We may think it’s not going to affect me, but it can affect us.

Now, if we acknowledge the power of Maya AND the power of Krishna, then what happens is that we are careful, but we are also hopeful. There is care and there is hope. And when these two come together, this is where we truly become empowered—empowered to change for the better.

So, from whichever “quadrant” we may be in today, our session will discuss how we can get to this “quadrant four.” Let’s move on to the next paragraph. Who would like to read? Yes, please.

Indeed, almost every day, and sometimes many times within a single day, my own actions serve as evidence of the presence and power of this mighty enemy. Yes. Now, if we are not careful, if we are not alert, then we may not realize the problem.

For example, if somebody has a tendency to get angry, they may get angry several times a day. It might just be one harsh word, a little change of tone in their voice, or one aggressive gesture. When this happens, we may not even remember it at the end of the day, but whoever is affected by it will remember it. However, if we start recognizing that there is this enemy inside me that works against me, then we’ll become more alert. “Okay, what is happening here? How is it happening?”

If we consider there are bad people who do bad things, and there are good people who do good things. But here, what we are talking about is good people who end up doing bad things. So, if we consider Yudhishthir, the question often comes up: “Why did he gamble at all?” Was he so uncontrollable in his senses that he went about and gambled? No, he’s considered Dharma Raj (King of Righteousness). So, what happened to him?

Let’s go back to these four quadrants once again.

• Quadrant 1: Neither acknowledges the power of Maya nor the power of Krishna. That means that person is happily and proudly under the clutches of illusion. The example of this would be someone like Ravan. Ravan was proud of his power. He was not fighting against his lust; he was fighting for his lust. He was traveling the world, conquering not just to gain power but to gain pleasure by dominating and exploiting others. He used all his power, cunning, cleverness, and deceptiveness to try to abduct Sita. Even when people warned him not to go against Ram, telling him he would be destroyed, he did not acknowledge that. So, if we don’t acknowledge the power of Maya nor the power of Krishna, we are proudly in illusion, and we just keep going downwards.
• Quadrant 2: Acknowledges the power of Maya, but doesn’t acknowledge the power of Krishna. In this case, we are so caught in conditioning that we just keep getting dragged lower and lower. When this happens, a person just thinks, “Okay, this is just the way I am. This is the way I’m going to be.” They may acknowledge at times that the way they are is a bad situation, and it’s something they want to get out of. But they feel they just can’t change. So, they accept that, or they passively resign themselves to a life where they’re again and again just succumbing to illusion. They think, “Okay, this is what life is,” or “This is how whatever is controlling me—whether it is lust, or anger, or greed—is dominating and overpowering me.”

The example for this is Ajamil. If you consider Ajamil, he did not go out deliberately to look for some temptation. He just went out on a routine chore. And there, he saw something which completely agitated his mind. At that time, he tried to remember scriptural wisdom; he tried to recall it, but the attack of temptation was so strong, it just stayed in his mind. And that’s how he got dragged down—to a very, very serious degree. We’ll talk about Ajamil and how the power of Maya works, but let’s look at these examples to understand this point.

Now, I was talking about the example of Yudhishthir. Yudhishthir had great faith in Krishna. If you look at the Mahabharata, especially the commentaries, what exactly happened? Why would a virtuous person gamble like this?

There’s a bit of a background to it. After the Rajasuya Yajna was performed, Yudhishthir Maharaj came to Vyasadev, who had presided over the whole ceremony. He said, “I seek your blessings so that I can rule with peace and prosperity and lead all the citizens to their ultimate well-being.” Naturally, if any ceremony happens and goes well, we are happy. But Vyasadev was very grave. He said, “Oh, King, I see dark clouds in the future. I see that there will be a terrible war. And after that terrible war, then you will have a reign of prosperity.”

Yudhishthir became very grave. He thought, “Okay, I don’t want there to be a war.” So, he thought, “Why would this war occur?” Generally, wars occur not just when there are conflicts, but when there are unresolved conflicts. And why are conflicts unresolved? Because whoever is an authority who might resolve the conflict, that authority is not accepted. It’s like two people have a property dispute; they go to court. The court gives a particular verdict. If either or both sides don’t accept the verdict, what happens then? Then they’ll start fighting. It’s like when there’s a conflict and when the talking stops, the conflict doesn’t go away. When the talking stops, the fighting begins, doesn’t it? Talks may not be pleasant, but fighting is even more unpleasant.

So, he thought that wars occur because of unresolved conflicts. And unresolved conflicts, why do they happen? Because of rejected authority figures—those who might resolve the conflict, if they are not accepted, then it leads to conflict. So, he thought that in order to avoid wars, I will always accept whatever my authority figures tell me. And in his case, the authority figure was Dhritarashtra.

So, when Dhritarashtra called him for a gambling match, and Dhritarashtra called him through Vidura—it’s like two elders, two father figures, were involved—Yudhishthir thought, “I can’t say no.” Now, when they came to the gambling arena, he said to Duryodhana, “Why do you want to steal from me through gambling the wealth with which I want to serve society? I want to serve the government; I want to do good for everyone.” Duryodhana responded, “Who talked about stealing anything? We just want to have a friendly match.”

Then, unexpectedly, Duryodhana said, “Shakuni will play on my behalf.” That’s against the rules of gambling; whoever is taking the money is the person who should be playing. “If you are afraid, then don’t play!” Yudhishthir looked at Dhritarashtra. This was clearly unfair. Yudhishthir expected Dhritarashtra to intervene and point out that it was unfair. Like, normally, what happens is if a game is going on—football or cricket—if one player is doing something unfair, you expect the umpire to intervene. But Dhritarashtra did not intervene.

And he started gambling. He lost one thing, then another, and another. As he was losing things, he realized, “This is terrible.” At one particular point, Arjuna gently touched Yudhishthir’s shoulder. Although they were brothers, Yudhishthir was still the eldest brother, and there is a certain hierarchy in traditional cultures where the eldest brother is like a father figure. So Arjuna gently shook his head, indicating, “It’s enough now, stop gambling.”

Yudhishthir thought, “Yes.” But he said, “You know, I have lost so much. With all the wealth that I have lost, I can do so much service to the sages, to society, to people. So,” he thought, “if I can just get some of it back, then I can do so much service.” And then he kept gambling. He started thinking that as he was staking more and more valuable things, “Surely Krishna will not let me lose this.” When he started staking his brothers, he thought, “Arjuna is so dear to Krishna; surely Krishna will not let Arjuna be lost.” Then he said, “Draupadi is so dear to Krishna; surely, whatever happens, Krishna will not let Draupadi be lost.”

It wasn’t exactly that he had forgotten Krishna or not. His state was that you could say he was in Maya. But his Maya was not like our Maya or like mundane Maya, where you just get caught in it. It was not because of any greed over there; it was not because he thought, “I’ll make some quick money,” that he started gambling. But it was even with a desire to serve.

But what happens is, when we say life is tough, the Mahabharata depicts reality in its brutality. And one brutal truth of life is that good intentions are not a substitute for good intelligence. Good intentions mean that he wanted to do dharma, he wanted to do bhakti, he wanted to do seva—that’s a good intention. But it was a bad judgment call.

So, while he had faith in the power of Krishna, what happened is he underestimated the pull of gambling. He underestimated how much it can drag someone down. Just because we are trying to serve Krishna does not mean that the forces of illusion will no longer work on us.

For example, just because we have some service in the temple and we have to do Aarti for Krishna, and because of that, we go at a dangerously high speed in the car, thinking, “Oh, I am going for Krishna’s service; it’s good enough.” But the material world acts upon certain principles. If somebody has severe diabetes and someone brings them a Tirupati Balaji laddoo, and they say, “This is prasad; how can I say no to prasad?” and they take the laddoo. Now, what will happen is they may get spiritually purified, but they will get materially devastated.

So, the power of Maya is something to be seriously acknowledged. For all of us, we may not neglect Krishna. For most of us, what happens is, “Yeah, Krishna is nice, but Maya is also not all that bad.” So, we do not devalue the power of Krishna, but we often devalue the power of Maya. And then what happens? We end up in self-created trouble.

For all of us, it’s important to acknowledge that both Maya is powerful and Krishna is powerful. So now, I thought I said we’d go towards the quadrant. Let’s look at the last paragraph. Who would like to read in the monthly directory? Yes.

The Lord is our protector. So it’s like if we take a medical metaphor. If we consider a disease, if somebody has a disease, then they need to take the disease seriously, isn’t it? And then after they take the disease, then they have to take the treatment seriously. So, if somebody doesn’t take the disease seriously, suppose somebody nowadays gets some disease—let’s say somebody has cancer. The word “cancer” is such that just hearing that word, people get terrified. Now, of course, many forms of cancer are curable now. But normally, if we hear that diagnosis, “cancer,” we will not take it lightly; we will take it seriously. But somebody has just some swelling on the body, some little pain…

So I say, “Okay, no big deal. I don’t have to worry about it.” If they don’t take a disease seriously, if the doctor says, “You know, you have to get this treated,” they think, “There’s no big deal.” So, if they don’t take the disease seriously, things will become problematic.

But if somebody takes the disease seriously but doesn’t take the treatment seriously, then that will also be a problem. So, for us, recognizing that Maya is powerful is like taking the disease seriously. When we take the disease seriously, we recognize that there is a need to fight against this temptation. And then, when we take Krishna seriously, there is hope that I can be cured. So, I’ll talk about this last part: how to feel the need and how to feel the hope.

Broadly speaking, it’s not that all of us have the same “anartha” (unwanted conditioning) troubling us to the same degree. Each of us may have different anarthas. Some of us may have common anarthas, but the principle is there: Maya will attack all of us in some way or another. So, how do we feel the need? Broadly speaking, the need comes from two things.

The Positive We Are Unable to Do

One is the positive things we are unable to do. For example, if I want to read Bhagavad Gita regularly, but I spend a lot of time on my phone—reading this, watching this, looking at that, responding to that, reacting to this—unless we have some positive that we want to do, we may not even realize how much time we are spending. Like, a student might waste a lot of time on social media, but if the exam is six months away, then, yeah, it doesn’t matter. But if the exam is tomorrow, and I spend six hours on social media today, that would be devastating.

So, unless we have something positive that we want to do and are unable to do it… Most of us say, “Oh, I don’t have time.” And it is true that nowadays, people may be fairly wealthy, but there is one kind of poverty that everyone has. Sociologists call this time poverty. Time poverty is where we all have more things to do than what we have time to do. But we will notice that while there are many things which we don’t have time to do, if you look at the time that we do have, we often spend it on less important things.

So, the way we realize the need to fight against temptation is by having something that we want to do, but we are unable to do. When we start looking at that, for example, “I want to be kind and polite and helpful. But as soon as something goes wrong, I start becoming rude and harsh and just being myself.” So then, “Oh, this is not the kind of way I want to be.”

That need can come from a positive side by recognizing that there are some values, some purposes, some things which I want to do, but I’m unable to do. So, we need to have some positive that is our aspiration. By looking at our aspirations—the good things that we want to do and are unable to do—on one side, we can feel the aspiration to do something.

The Negative We End Up Doing

The other thing is the negative that we end up doing. This is where we have our boundaries. Krishna talks about these two in Bhagavad Gita 6.35 as abhyasa and vairagya.

• Abhyasa means repeated practice. Why would we practice something repeatedly? Because you want to learn it; you want to do it. These are aspirations that we have. So, what is it that I want to do that I’m unable to do?
• Vairagya (dispassion/renunciation) represents boundaries. What are certain things which we do not want to do, but we end up doing?

If we don’t have any boundaries at all… Say, if somebody has a lot of money and they keep buying lots of things. Some people have basements filled with things which they have barely opened once. If somebody has a lot of money, they may spend a lot of money and not even realize they are spending so much. But if somebody keeps a boundary, “Okay, every month, I’m not going to shop beyond this amount.” Or if some circumstances come in their life and they don’t have that much money, then they have to budget themselves more carefully.

So, if we have certain boundaries… We all may get angry, but generally, we all keep our anger under limits. Normally, when we get angry, we might just yell at someone; we might raise our voice. But most of us, if we are in a civilized culture or society, we may not use swear words; we may not use obscenities. But if you regularly give in to anger, and one day, suddenly, we find that we have spoken some obscenities… “How could you speak something like that?” And, you know, if we just speak it among some people who are okay with it, who are taken aback, but, you know, maybe it’s just family or relatives. But tomorrow, we speak it against somebody who is much more cultured and important for us. And then, “Hey, this is a boundary that I have crossed!”

So, for each one of us, it’s like, “How do I know that I have a disease?” Say, if somebody’s doing some regular workout, that they have muscular atrophy. How do they know it? They try to lift a weight, and they’re not able to. “Something is wrong here.” So, only when we have some aspirations that we are not able to fulfill do we start recognizing, “Maybe this problem/disease is there.”

And say, you know, we’re just walking along and slip and fall. “What happened? How did I slip and fall?” We just say, “This happened. I didn’t see it was slippery ground.” But people don’t just slip and fall normally.

So, unless we have certain aspirations and certain boundaries, we won’t recognize that there is a need for me to fight against temptation.

Cultivating Aspirations and Boundaries

Now, in many ways, aspirations come by satsang (good association). They come by good association. For us, it might be routine to get angry and yell at someone when they do something wrong. But if we meet with saintly-minded people, those who are devotees, and we see how calm and cool they are even in difficult situations, we might think, “Maybe I should also be like this. I get angry with such small things; I should not get angry.” So, it’s satsang, it’s good association, that often gives us aspirations: “I want to become like this.”

Now, how do the boundaries come? The boundaries come by two things: intelligence and experience. We hear scriptures and we understand how the power of Maya can be so great. See, here I’ll talk about the point of Ajamil. When Ajamil saw that particular sight, he saw a man and a woman publicly engaging in sensuality. He saw that, and it captivated him. And he felt a strong desire to be with her. Now, he could have fought that desire, but he didn’t. It captivated him.

Sometimes conditions are very powerful, and you will be captivated. But, “Okay, this is unbearable. I just have to go.” Go. Sometimes, “I’ll go and be with her.” Okay. When he did that, he thought that this was just one time this desire had come.

“I’ll go and gratify it, and that’s all. It’ll be over.” But he probably never thought where it would lead him. After that, what happened? He thought, “Okay, I don’t just want to be a one-time ‘lover’; I want to be a regular one.” What happens then? “You know, I’ll reject my wife.”

Then his parents were there; his parents opposed him. He said, “I’ll reject my parents also.” Now, he was a Brahmana. A Brahmana is supposed to do priestly activities, come and perform Yajnas in people’s houses. If that person has rejected their wife, rejected their parents, and is living so immorally, nobody will ask that person to come and do priestly activities in their home. So then he lost his profession. And what was he going to do now? Then he started robbing. He started stealing. He started threatening people. He started attacking and injuring people to rob them.

So, that one indulgence—he would not have thought it would lead him all this way down. But what happens is, Maya just keeps creeping in, creeping in. So, when we have boundaries, saying, “No, I cannot do this. I’m never going to do this,” what happens is we cross one boundary? “No big deal.” We cross another boundary. We cross another. And it just goes further and further and further.

We have devotees who are trying to do outreach in many different ways. Some devotees have created a program called a Bhakti Recovery Group for people addicted to something, like alcohol or drugs. How can Bhakti help them recover? For most people who haven’t been addicted, Bhakti simply offers a higher taste, and they don’t look in that direction. But for somebody who’s been addicted, they just get caught in things.

I was talking with one person after giving a talk to this group in the UK; many of them were non-Indians. I asked him what inspired him. You see, for somebody who’s an alcoholic, one of the things is that they often deny they’re alcoholics. “No, no, it’s not a big deal at all. I can give up whenever I want.” And what happens is, “I can give up the desire to give up whenever I want also.” So it’s a denial. So then, how do they overcome the denial? When do they feel the need?

He said that once he had drunk alcohol, and he used to regularly drink and just lie down at home. Then his son came and asked him something—his small four or five-year-old boy. He was drinking, and he just banged his fist against the table he was sitting at. His son got completely scared. And he said, “When I saw my son so scared of me, that was what shook me. What kind of person have I become? As a father, I should be protecting my children. Here, my son is shrinking from fear of me, and not because he has done something wrong, but because I have done something wrong. He’s afraid what more I may do.” That’s when he felt, “I need help. I have to change myself.”

This moment of awakening can come when we meet somebody good and we see, “Oh, I want to become like that good person.” Or that moment of awakening can come when we see, “Okay, how bad have I become? How could I become like this? What have I done?” These are times when we realize the power of Maya.

So, for all our conditionings, we might say, “Oh, I’m not able to give up this conditioning.” But do we really have that desire to give it up? This is a key difference. Sometimes we talk about desire and need. And for us, we may have many desires to improve. But like desires, sometimes we fulfill them, sometimes we don’t. But do we feel a need to improve? If something is a need, then we will do it. So, through these two contemplations, the need can arise.

Cultivating Hope

The last part is hope. So, how do we develop hope? Sometimes we may realize that, “Okay, yes, this is a bad thing. But I’ve tried so many times; I never succeeded.” That hope comes by understanding that while Maya is powerful, Krishna is more powerful. Krishna’s power is greater than Maya’s power.

I’ll conclude with one image. If you consider the Earth, and we are on the Earth, there is the Earth’s gravitational pull—that’s the gravity zone of the Earth. So if we try to go up, or if we are a rocket being projected upwards, then what happens is that it goes up, but gravity pulls it down. For all of us, the things we are attached to have a pull. And when we try to move out of that, we just get pulled down. This gravitational pull may be different for different people based on how much they have indulged in that particular activity, how much they’ve been attached to it. But the gravity pull is there, and it pulls us down.

Sometimes we think that Krishna is somewhere over here, and Krishna is far away, and we think that I have to go all the way up to Krishna. One of the key things is that Krishna is far above. Krishna is far above Maya. Krishna is far above the conditions of this world. If you consider the sun or the moon, they are so high up, they cannot be pulled by the gravitational pull of the Earth. So, Krishna is far above.

However, “Krishna is far above” means He’s above the gravitational pull of material objects. However, Krishna is not far away. Krishna is far above but not far away. What this means is that there are certain places in our lives—if this is a sense object and this is the gravitational pull of the sense objects—there are certain areas in our life where Krishna is so close that Krishna’s gravitational pull comes where we are.

For example, consider if somebody is an alcoholic; they’re completely caught in the gravitational pull of alcohol. But while they’re drinking, if they see devotees doing Harinam Sankirtan and they think, “Let me also dance!” When they dance, they experience some joy there. So even when they are in the tamasic state of intoxication, they can still experience the joy of Krishna.

Like that, wherever we are, Krishna’s gravitational pull can reach us. That does not mean that it will be equally the same all the time. That’s why, although Krishna is in our hearts, we do not perceive His presence all the time. When we come in satsang, when we do some Puja, when we go on some Yatra, when we do some serious Seva—at that time, what are we doing by these activities? We are placing ourselves in the gravitational pull of Krishna. And when we put ourselves in the gravitational pull of Krishna, then we start experiencing that: “Hey, this is so amazing! I didn’t feel any agitation. I didn’t feel any temptation. I didn’t feel any distraction. All that just went away.”

You know, today is Ekadashi. Some of us may be fasting on Ekadashi. Now, what happens is some people, when they fast, they decide to fast, and then they give up the determination to fast. Others may hold fast to the determination to fast. Maybe on Janmashtami, we fast till midnight. “See, I cannot fast till midnight!” But we come in the association, maybe we are doing seva, there’s kirtan going on, there’s darshan going on. And just one hour, then a third hour, it just passes, and we’ve fasted till midnight. And in some ways, “I didn’t know I had this capacity to fast like this!”

Have any of you experienced this—that when you are in Krishna consciousness, temptation just doesn’t seem to trouble us? Many of you experienced this? Yes. We all have that experience. There are times when the gravitational pull of Krishna comes to where we are, and then we don’t feel the gravitational pull of Maya, of the sense objects.

So for all of us, it is these experiences that can give us hope. Yes, temptations may come back and trouble me, but there are times when I do not feel tempted. There are times when I remain free from temptation. And if we can bring ourselves into the presence of Krishna more and more, then we will find that Krishna’s gravitational pull will pull us upwards. What will happen eventually?

By the power of Krishna, the sense objects will be there, their gravitational pull will be there, but Krishna’s gravity will pull us upwards. And we will go outside the gravitational pull of the sense objects. For some of us, we might have been eating meat before we came to Bhakti. Then, after we start practicing Bhakti, many of us give it up completely. Now, if we go on a plane or a train and the person sitting next to us is eating meat, most devotees will not feel attracted to the meat at all. We may not know whether Krishna is all-attractive, but Krishna Prasadam is all-attractive. In that, we have experienced a higher taste.

So that’s why, when we are daily dealing with distractions and temptations, we might feel, “Is this Bhakti really working? Is the power of Krishna really there? I’m getting the same anger, the same irritation, the same temptation, the same urges I have to fight against every day.” We may feel, “Where is the power of Krishna?” But to recognize this power of Krishna, we need to remember two things:

1. Temptation-free moments: We experience them. They may not be permanent, but we have experienced those temporary times. It may be for a few minutes, a few hours, or even a few days. We have experienced it.
2. Areas of freedom: There are also areas in our life (meaning habits) where we have become free. It might be a minor thing, but we have become free of it.

If we remember these two things, then we will have hope. “Okay, that particular conditioning, that particular unhealthy habit, I was able to give up. This might be more difficult to give up because maybe this conditioning is more deep-rooted. Maybe this will take more time, but I will be able to give it up.” So in this way, when we take the power of Maya seriously and the power of Krishna seriously, then we will experience, sooner or later, a magical transformation in our life.

The Phases of Spiritual Growth

In the journey of Bhakti, quite often what happens is that the spiritual change and growth occur in three phases:

• Revolutionary: Initially, when we come to Bhakti, there’s a rapid change. Our lifestyle changes, our habits change. There is a revolutionary change that happens.
• Evolutionary: That revolutionary change stays for some time. After that, it becomes a “grind.” We may feel as if no dramatic change is happening, but that change is happening; it’s evolutionary. Like a newborn baby: every week, the baby is growing, and you can actually measure and see it. But once the child becomes three or four or five years old, you measure their height every week, and while the height is always going to increase, you don’t see it day-to-day. Yet, every day the child is being fed well, and the child is growing. So, for most of our spiritual journey, our growth is evolutionary.
• Revolutionary (again): But then, at the end, it again becomes a revolution. Towards the end of our life, the example is given: if we are going for a morning walk and it’s still twilight, the sun has not yet risen. We are chanting, maybe, and we are thinking about Krishna. And suddenly, we realize, “Hey, the sun has risen!” Now, the sun didn’t rise at one moment; the sun was rising continuously, but at one particular time, we realized the sun has risen. That is how purification happens.

Every day that we practice Bhakti—we do some Puja, some Japa, some Svadhyaya, some Seva—every single day we are getting purified. Although it may appear, “Oh, this desire is coming, this temptation is coming, I am fighting against it; it’s coming, it’s coming.” But every day we are practicing Bhakti, the sun of Krishna Prema (love for Krishna) is rising in our heart. Prabhupada writes that one day we realize, “Oh, I have become a pure devotee!” What does “pure devotee” mean? That the same temptations that were troubling me earlier—I just don’t feel those temptations. Like the river comes into the ocean, but the ocean is not disturbed. We find that the things that would disturb me earlier no longer disturb me. And that is the stage when our heart becomes fully situated in Krishna. Krishna says that is the stage of Jivan Mukti—even if we are not yet physically liberated, we are essentially liberated. It’s only a matter of time when we’ll be with Him, back with Krishna for a life of eternal love and eternal joy.

Summary of Key Points

So, I’ll summarize what I discussed today. I talked about the broad topic of fighting temptations and fighting the power of Maya. I discussed three main points in this session:

1. Self-Created Problems: When we all face problems in life, there are external problems, but much more than these are self-created problems. I talked about how my “good vocabulary and bad temper” made things worse. So, the bigger problems in our life are often not external but internal. They can be separate, but the internal often makes the external worse. Sooner or later, we recognize that there are these inner demons which need to be dealt with.
2. The Four Quadrants: To deal with these demons, the major topic I discussed was about these four quadrants based on whether we take Maya seriously or not, and whether we take Krishna seriously or not.
   • Don’t take either seriously: We are proudly degraded, happily, blissfully, ignorantly degraded.
   • Take Maya seriously, but not Krishna: We become hopeless. The example here was Ajamil; he tried to fight, but he felt he couldn’t fight and just gave up.
   • Take Krishna seriously, but not Maya: We become careless. The example of this was Yudhishthir Maharaj. He had good intentions when he started, wanting to obey his elders. But if the elders are asking us to do something dangerous like gambling, should we do it? And even if we do it, how far? Can we say that because I’m doing it for Krishna, I won’t get in trouble? No. Good intelligence is necessary even when we have good intentions.
   • Take both seriously (Maya and Krishna): Then we become empowered. We take Krishna seriously and we take Maya seriously. There are many examples of saints and people who got transformed, like Narada Muni, who realized how killing was going to lead to hellish suffering for him in the future, so he took the wrong action seriously. We also have Jagai and Madhai, and the example of Nagari.
3. Need and Hope to Fight: We talked about developing the need and the hope to fight.
   • Need to Fight: This means we understand the power of Maya and take it seriously. How do we feel the need to fight? By two things:
     • Aspirations: Think of things that we want to do in our life, that we would love to do, but we are not able to do. That will make us realize that something inside me is pulling me away from this. It’s our aspirations that we are unable to fulfill.
     • Boundaries: There are things we do not want to cross, but we keep crossing. We are unable to stay within them.
     • Sometimes, by good association (satsang), we may realize, “Oh, this is the kind of person I want to become,” and that can inspire us. And by self-observation—what kind of person am I becoming?—we start recognizing. By our intelligence and by our experience, we begin to recognize. By our satsang, we can develop good aspirations; by our self-observation, we understand that this point of understanding can make us feel the need for change and the need to fight.
   • Hope to Fight: This comes by understanding that there is a gravitational pull of Maya which is keeping us caught, but there is Krishna, and Krishna also has His gravitational pull. And Krishna’s gravitational pull can come where we are, and it can lift us up from where we are. Here, we need to remember two things:
     • Temptation-free times: Remember the temptation-free times that we may have. There are times, like when we fast on Ekadashi or Janmashtami.

Overcoming Temptation and Cultivating Spiritual Growth

We often find ourselves facing temptations that once seemed impossible to resist. Surprisingly, we can experience these temptations three times over, yet through spiritual practice, we can transcend them. Imagine embarking on a pilgrimage, forgetting all worldly concerns – TV programs, movies, politics – everything fades away.

We can also break free from ingrained habits and “anartas” (unwanted material desires). If we remember these two points, we can have hope that Krishna will help us change. Krishna is there for us, and understanding how spiritual change unfolds is key.

Initially, spiritual change can be revolutionary, rapid, and dramatic. It then becomes evolutionary, a more gradual process, before eventually becoming revolutionary again. During this evolutionary phase, it’s crucial to use our buddhi (intellect) to understand the power of Maya (illusion) and the power of Krishna. This understanding empowers us to keep pushing ourselves, continuously growing closer to Krishna.

Let’s conclude by offering this prayer once more. Please repeat after me: “My dear Lord, let awareness of inner danger drive me toward Your shelter.”

Realistic Expectations and Choosing Our Battles

It’s easy to get discouraged, especially when we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. While Krishna consciousness works in wonderful ways, we can’t always expect magic. Sometimes it comes, but not consistently. This means we must choose our battles wisely.

Consider India’s historical conflicts with Pakistan and China. In recent years, India has taken strong action against Pakistan, but not yet against China because it’s not yet strong enough. This doesn’t mean India is being passive, but it is strategically choosing its battles.

Similarly, we have many aspects of ourselves we want to improve. However, if we try to fight too many battles or tackle overly difficult ones simultaneously, we risk becoming discouraged and believing change is impossible. When fighting a battle, we need a sense of success or at least progress.

Therefore, start with realistic battles and progress gradually, step by step. You may have many areas for improvement or habits you want to stop. Begin with something doable. Decide, “For the next one to three months, I will focus on this,” and stick to it.

I once spoke with a Western therapist in India who explained why February is his busiest month. People make New Year’s resolutions in January, fail by February, and then get depressed. My understanding is that we need to celebrate small wins. Instead of feeling like a complete failure for breaking a resolution, be happy you stuck to it for a month.

While some vows, like initiation vows, are lifelong commitments, many other intentions don’t carry such serious consequences. If we declare, “I’ll never do this again in my life,” it can feel like a goal with no immediate victory. Even if we stick to it for a year or two, a relapse can lead to despair. The mind might even rationalize, “You have the rest of your life to do this, so just indulge now and start the resolution later.”

Instead, try taking small, manageable steps. “I won’t do this for one month.” This is like the resolutions taken during Kartika or Chaturmas. We need a realistic understanding. Krishna can do magic, but a devotee’s mood isn’t to demand it. We must also recognize our own limitations; deeply ingrained conditions won’t disappear overnight. By choosing our battles and celebrating small victories, it becomes easier to sustain our efforts.

Strengthening Our Connection to Krishna

This approach applies not only to fighting Maya but also to focusing on Krishna. Within Krishna bhakti, there’s a range of activities, and not all will be equally nourishing for us at any given moment. Some bhakti activities are sources of strength. When we engage in them, we feel alive, experience great spiritual joy, and sense Krishna’s presence. For some, this might be kirtan; for others, puja, listening to classes, cooking for Krishna, or performing arati.

Then there are activities that require strength. These are the ones where we truly have to push ourselves, such as chanting Japa. While some may naturally enjoy Japa, for most, it demands effort. We need to identify which bhakti activities give us strength. It’s like Krishna’s “gravitational pull” reaching us in some activities (like kirtan or katha), while in others (like Japa), we have to exert effort to reach that pull.

Recognize the activities that empower you and make them a regular part of your routine. Keep them accessible. When moments of weakness arise, these are the activities you should turn to immediately. While all bhakti activities ultimately provide strength, some may not do so instantly.

Consider which manifestations of Krishna you are naturally attracted to. There are many beautiful deities, but some pictures or forms resonate deeply with us, evoking a prayerful mood. Keep these accessible – on your phone, with you. This will make the battle, though still tough, less difficult. Make a list of these strengthening activities and keep them readily available.

Yes, please. Correct. Good question. So, when we say that Krishna will fix all things, yes, Krishna will fix all things. But, more often than not, Krishna will fix all things by fixing us, so that we can fix all things.

It is not that Krishna will magically solve problems. We see many incidents in the Mahabharata where Krishna miraculously intervened. But, if you consider the majority of the Kurukshetra War, wasn’t Arjuna fighting using his archery and his strength? Which moments led to victory? Was it, say, the miraculous moment when Krishna covered the sun and helped Arjuna kill Jayadratha?

That is true. But Arjuna got to that point by fighting through the entire Kaurava army. So, yes, God helps us, no doubt. But, when we look broadly—and this is a big subject, I’ll try to shorten it—in our lives, there are situations.

Situations can be problematic. Now, situations lead to emotions. Something bad happens to us, and we feel disheartened, discouraged, or frustrated. Then, emotions lead to decisions. So, quite often, when we turn to Krishna, when we pray to Krishna, what we expect is that Krishna will fix the situations. But what Krishna often does is that he fixes our emotions. When he fixes our emotions, that enables us to take better decisions. Now, Krishna can fix the situations also, but that is not what he normally does. A devotee does not depend on Krishna intervening all the time.

So, the whole Bhagavad Gita is not about… see, there is a difference between, to some extent, the mood of the Ramayana and the Mahabharata. In the Ramayana, Lord Ram is the hero. Of course, he is not the only hero; Hanuman is also a hero, all of them are heroes, but Ram is the central hero and he is doing the most action. But in the Mahabharata, it is Krishna not doing the most action; it’s the Pandavas, Arjuna, doing the most action.

In many ways, the Mahabharata is more reflective of real life than the Ramayana. So, the call of the Bhagavad Gita is not just that Krishna is the hero, and if you turn to him, he will solve all your problems. The mood of the Bhagavad Gita is: Krishna is the hero, and if you join him, he will make you a hero. So, he will enable you to do heroic things. Yesterday, I gave a class on the same topic in Columbus.

I talked about how we may think of Krishna as a protector. And that is wonderful. Krishna is the protector means that Krishna is the hero who will protect me when I’m in trouble. And that is good to understand. But Krishna is not just a protector; Krishna is also our commander. We are in an army, and we are in Krishna’s army, and this war that we are fighting is a tough war. But we have Krishna as our commander. And when Krishna is the commander, we fight in the war. And then, here, Krishna is the hero. But in Krishna’s army, we also become the hero. So, Krishna wants us to become heroic. Prabhupada was, you can say, the unlikeliest of heroes. At age 69-70, with nothing to show in his life, he went to America and he tried to serve Krishna. In the last ten years: 108 temples, 70 books, 14 world tours, thousands and thousands of people inspired to take to bhakti. So, Prabhupada also became a hero.

So, yes, Krishna helps us, that’s true. But Krishna will do many things through us. And that’s why devotion is not passivity: “Oh, Krishna will take care of everything.” We can think of that when we are gripped by too much anxiety. “I don’t know, Krishna will take care. But Krishna will take care of other things, let me take care of the thing that I am doing right now.” So, in that sense, it’s the devotee’s part and Krishna’s part. So, it’s like a human-divine partnership, like Krishna and Arjuna had a partnership, that divine-human partnership. So, it is like the human takes care of what I can, that I take care of what I can, and the divine Krishna will take care of what I can’t. Thank you. Good question. Yeah, thank you.

Any last question before we stop? Yes, by “children” do you mean teenagers, or…? Okay. Yes, it is difficult. But I think there are, what I’ve found are probably three steps.

One is how we see our children. Especially in their teenage years, this particular time in human history, as far as recorded history, is a time of unprecedented temptation. So, it is a very difficult time in which to grow up. So, instead of thinking that our children are being difficult—”Why don’t they listen to me? Why don’t they care for me? I want their good!”—instead of seeing them as being difficult, we should see that they are in difficulty. They may not want our help, although they need our help. They may not be ready to take our help, but it is that they are in difficulty. It’s an overwhelming time to live in today’s world. So, we may say, “What is the difficulty? I lived in poverty. I lived in far more difficulty than what you are living in. I have given you so many comforts in life now.” But their difficulty quite often is much more psychological, especially what happens when people come to their teenage years. If you consider childhood, teenage, and adulthood: in childhood, a person’s identity is more or less “I’m the son or daughter of so-and-so.” In adulthood, they develop their identity: “I have this degree, I have this job, I have this family.” We have developed our identity. But in the teen years, it is an identity crisis. They are too old to be satisfied simply with the identity that “I am so-and-so’s son or daughter,” but they have not created their own identity.

So, therefore, here, there’s a lot of peer pressure. Because, for whom do we want an identity? We want an identity so that we will be respected in our social circles. So then there are different kinds of peers. And some peers may say, “Okay, you know, have you watched this movie? Have you tried out this drink? Have you tried out these drugs? Come on, have a life. Enjoy. You’re just being a nerd.” All these kinds of small labels come up, but they jar them quite a bit. So, the thing is that it’s not that we are against our children, or rather, our children are against us. We don’t think we are against our children, but they are in difficulty.

So, one of the… especially when I give talks to completely new people, Western people, one of my prayers I offer—it’s there in this book also—is: “Help me to learn how to help others to learn.” So, it is not that people are dumb when they don’t want to learn. It is that I have to learn how to help others to learn. So, it’s that they are in difficulty. Krishna says, “Don’t disturb others’ minds. Try to elevate them gradually.” So the idea over here is that they are in difficulty. And once we understand that, then try to learn how to help them to learn. What does that mean? That often, they won’t help. But what happens is, most often, teenagers feel that “You just don’t understand me. You don’t understand what situation I’m going through.” So, if at any time they start talking, you know, “Okay, this happened in my school today. This happened in my college today. This happened…” Our tendency is immediately to judge them.

How could you do something like this? How could you let this happen? Why are you such a person? A person who acts like this? But if they are expressing something, and we immediately rush to judgment, then they will close down completely.

So, they said, ‘Okay, try to understand what is going on in their life.’ We may think they are foolish and ignorant, and that we are experienced, but they don’t see it that way. For instance, one of the differences between Indian or Eastern culture and Western culture is that Eastern culture is much more hierarchical. There is authority, and there are subordinates.

For many of us, growing up, if our parents told us ‘don’t do this,’ we obeyed. In hierarchical cultures, authority and respect are assumed. Because I am in a position of authority, respect is assumed. Now, in Western culture, authority isn’t inherent; the culture is more horizontal. A child might even call their parents by their first names sometimes, just as we might call our bosses by their first names. To us, this feels weird; it’s disrespectful. That’s a different culture. So, it’s not that there is no respect, but respect has to be earned. Here, respect can be assumed, but there, it has to be earned. The idea is that you have to show me that what you are telling me has value for me; it works for me.

So, if we try to spend some time understanding them… In childhood, we have to set some boundaries; that’s important. But as they grow up, they will have to decide what boundaries they want to live within. And they may want to explore. Now, we don’t want them to explore to dangerous degrees, but the idea is that respect has to be earned. And earning respect means what? It means we try to understand their situation and give them guidance that makes sense to them. They say that even if one small piece of guidance we give helps them, then they’ll become more open to guidance.

So, try to understand what the kids are going through. It is a very different and difficult world they are in today. The last part is that we often want to discipline them. But, instead of talking about discipline, we can talk about it as ‘self-negotiation.’ What do I mean by self-negotiation? It’s like there’s your present self and your future self. For example, if we are trapped in a storm and we have, say, only seven days of food, we may decide that if I just enjoy a big feast right now, then I may not have any food after three or four days. So, the present self should not enjoy at the cost of the future self. Rather than telling children, ‘Don’t do this, don’t do this, don’t do this,’ try to help them to see why discipline is important. You want to enjoy right now, but do you want to enjoy in a way that will harm you, harm your future? That will ruin life for your future self? So, it’s not so much that ‘I am telling you to do this,’ but rather, there is a future you who has to live with the consequences of the present you.

And so, he said, ‘The present me is there. Now, if you care only for the present me, we’ll get stagnated or degraded. But on the other hand, if you care only for the future me – you know, ‘this is good for you in the future, this is good for you in the future’ – what about the present me?’ It’s like we want to have food after seven days. So, ‘But what about me?’ ‘Oh, don’t eat anything because we’ll eat food in the future.’ We’ll have food in the future, but we may not be there in the future, isn’t it? So, what happens if we care only for the present me? We can get degraded; we can get into bad habits. But if we care only for the future me, then we can get suffocated. That, ‘Oh, you are saying so many things are good for the future me, but you don’t seem to care for the present me at all.’ And then, ‘Oh, you will have a career, you will have this.’ But there’s no enjoyment for me right now in my life. So, ideally speaking, there has to be both. It is not that the future me has to be at the cost of the present me, or the future you has to be at the cost of the present you. But it’s also that the present you should not be at the cost of the future you. So, if we get that sense of time and help them get that sense of time, it is not just ‘I who am telling you to do this, and you have to do this.’ It is, ‘You have a future to live in.’

There’s a famous American thinker, Mark Twain. He said that when I was 17, my father was a fool. Now I’m 25, and I’m amazed how much the old guy has learned in the last eight years. Now, it is possible that the father has also learned some things. But it’s quite likely that at 17, when the hormones are high, one thinks, ‘I can conquer the whole world.’ But at 25, one has become a little more responsible, and a person starts recognizing that, ‘You know, my parents have some responsibility. They have gone through life. They have something to teach me.’ So, sometimes what happens? I’m talking about this from the present me and the future me from the child’s perspective. But from our perspective also, sometimes we may want the child to do the right thing in the present. And we force them so much. We can force to some extent, but if we force them too much, once they become young adults, they may just go completely off. So, sometimes doing the right thing is important, or getting them to do the right thing is important, but sometimes maintaining the right relationship is also important. If we tell them that, ‘You know what? What I am telling you is right, and if you don’t listen to me, you will regret it in the future, and then you will come crawling back to me.’ Even if they realize they were wrong, they will not come back.

So, it’s like a bird, like a mother bird. When the baby bird is small, the mother bird protects the baby in the nest. But the baby bird has to fly. And while flying, the baby bird will fall down. But then, that’s how the baby bird learns to fly. So, from our side also, we want to ensure they make the present choices properly. But if we force them to make certain choices right now, they may become resentful. And even when there are good choices to be made, they may not make good choices just because we told them to make those choices. So, it’s like, from our side also, we have to carefully negotiate. ‘I want to get my child to do the right thing, but I also want to have a good relationship with my child.’ So, if the only word the child hears from the parent is ‘no, no, no, you cannot do this, you cannot do that, you cannot do that,’ then eventually the child will grow up and will say ‘no’ to the relationship with the parent itself. And that can be very painful. So, all this, this is not easy; it is difficult. But, gradually, we can help them navigate that difficult phase of teenage years to come to adulthood. Thank you very much.

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Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
I have been travelling across the world for the last ten years and I have spoken to people from different traditions different cultural backgrounds different religious backgrounds there is well there can be many differences of opinion over many different issues there is one truth that everyone can agree on and that truth is can be summarized in three words that truth is is this visible life is tough isn’t it so we may be wealthy we may be poor we may be popular we may be unknown we may be tall short fat thin educated not so educated life is not easy for anyone and most often when we think about the toughness of life that generally we think of that from outside trouble comes upon us so the economy may go bad the weather may become poor some people may trouble us so while there are all these troubles are there undoubtedly one factor that we often overlook is that there is much trouble that we bring upon ourselves that there is something inside us that seems to work against us I learned this lesson when I was just growing up since my childhood I had a lot of interest in language so one of my hobbies was to pick up a dictionary and memorise words and I developed a fairly good vocabulary with it as I was growing up I also had a bit of a temper now having a bad temper is a problem but I found that having a bad temper and a good vocabulary is a deadly problem see most people when they get angry they just become incoherent they may scream they may rant they may shriek and we can see that they are angry but they just this person has lost control so often we don’t take very seriously what a person speaks when they are angry also because they become incoherent but if somebody is articulate somebody is well spoken not that they speak sweetly but they use words properly and those words can become viciously cutting swords and notice that I was hurting a lot of people although I didn’t want to hurt them at all so it’s almost as if my own strength was being used against me having a good vocabulary is a strength but I realized instead of this strength being used to connect me with others see our words can either form bridges with others they become closer or those same words they can become barriers which come in between us so they can form windows linkers or they can become walls so I realized that alienating people and I started realizing that I had to do something to get a handle on this angle and when I started reading the Bhagavad Gita I was reintroduced to it in my college days so when I read this verse this verse just spoke to me directly this is something which I really can relate with at a personal level because I felt this anger was something which was really hurting me and causing me to hurt others so this thing that there is something inside us that seems to work against us that is a realization that everyone comes to sooner or later and yes life has many problems and we could say there are problems that come from outside quite often it is the way we react that versus those problems somebody we need something important that person forgets to get it and that person forgetting to get it is annoying it is disturbing but if we fly into a region speak something very harsh and hurtful then that thing being forgotten would have been just inconvenience for a few hours but those words may scar the person for weeks and years at times so in that sense the trouble is external as well as internal and when Arjuna is asking this question over here there is some force inside me which is making me act against my best interests and it seems to be a extremely strong force now across history and geography and not just in historical culture but also in what you can call a popular culture and fiction the idea that there is something against us that is inside us that is there we are in modern society people use the word I have my inner demons now today people may not believe in demons but they do believe in the idea of inner demons so in one sense you could say that people may not believe in Krishna but they have to believe in Maya Maya not necessarily a force that creates illusion but something that makes us act against our own interests so these inner demons they the idea if you consider even fictional things like Star Wars there is the idea of something called the dark side if we look at Indian movies there is Native American tradition there is the good dog and the bad dog this idea is everywhere there is some force that seems to work against us so now Krishna is going to equip Arjuna to deal with this inner force but before we can deal with this inner force this we need to recognize its presence and in one sense what I talk about will be summarized in this one four quadrant diagram before I go to the diagram let’s read the next paragraph would you like to read so as I said we may deny the existence of God so we could say that there is the power of maya of the force of illusion so we may accept that there is maya and there is the power of maya or we may reject that there is no such thing as maya there is no such force of illusion which makes me think and similarly there is the power of Krishna now we may accept it that means we may take the power of Krishna by accept means take seriously and reject means don’t take it seriously doesn’t matter so broadly we can have these four quadrants that if we consider we accept the power of maya our entire life story basically falls in one of these four quadrants in many ways our life story is the story of our encounters with temptation now in the west the word encounter is quite common in India the word encounter has a different meaning in India encounter means to counter to counter and to destroy but encounter in the normal sense of the word it means that we face it so when we deal with temptation how do we deal with temptation our whole life is shaped by that for example as children now a days there is so much technology available so many gadgets available and those gadgets can cause so much distraction can cause so much wastage of time so this is something which is coming ultimately from the force of illusion now one of the things that has happened because of social media is that second hand experience has become more important than first hand experience what do you mean by second hand experience and first hand experience that this is especially true among teenagers what happens is that suppose somebody goes for some party some festival some outing some hiking some trekking some event they go to and they actually have a good time in the event but then they take photos of that event and they post the photos on social media maybe instagram tiktok whatever facebook and they might have had a wonderful time over there but if nobody likes their photos or if somebody likes their photos less than their friend’s photos then that whole experience becomes worthless that same thing the lived experience might have been wonderful but that I had a wonderful experience if you do not acknowledge that my experience was wonderful then the experience becomes no longer wonderful that’s why the second hand experience that others acknowledging our experience has become more important so this is the idea of illusion so illusion could be how much are we affected by social media people get caught in this constant comparison that happens and lot of young people are subjected to depression because of that because just incessant comparison goes on and on and on so while young men they get caught in video gaming just completely hooked on that I saw one cartoon of one man he is telling his friend yesterday my broadband wifi went down so I spent some time with my family they get when people go out into shopping malls and they have to buy so many things they drop down now we don’t even have to go out we can just click on our phones and we can just buy as many things as we want so the thing is temptation is always present and broadly speaking our life story is basically proportional to our facing of temptation now this is not just for somebody who wants to live a life of devotion and we understand there is Maya and Maya will take us away from Krishna but Maya will not only just take us away from Krishna Maya will not even let us live happily at a material level to whatever degree happiness is possible at a material level even that will be taken away so if you consider Krishna is here on the top then below that there is sattva below that there is rajas and below that there is tamas sattva rajas tamas these are like gears of a car just like a car in a particular gear function in a particular way so mind that is infected by a particular mode function in a particular way so Maya if we are here you would like to go here Maya will pull us downwards but Maya will not let us stay there if we are here Maya will pull us here so from Krishna it will pull us to sattva from sattva it will pull us to rajas and from rajas it will pull us to tamas and even for people who have no spiritual interest the force of temptation is there somebody might be living a material responsible life and maybe they get fired and they get fired they are not able to find another job they get depressed and out of depression they start drinking and then okay losing a job was a problem getting addicted to alcohol is a far bigger problem so the force of temptation the force of illusion this Maya is there for everyone and it is constantly dragging us down so I said that in this particular diagram we take that if we are to overcome the force of illusion we need to take Maya seriously and we need to take Krishna seriously now when we take Maya seriously means what this whole thing each of this there is the need to fight against temptation first we need to recognize that there is a need need to fight and the other is if you understand the power of Krishna and you accept it there is hope to fight so if whatever is the temptation for a somebody short temper somebody might be buying too many things somebody might be gossiping we all can have different kinds of temptations that catches gossiping is where what happens we just keep talking talking talking generally and not talking is not a bad thing but it is not a good thing we talk about so gossip you know when does it happen the word gossip often gossip happens when we go for a sip so we are in office and we go by the water cooler and we are drinking some water and you know this happened to this person this person did like this this person did like that or we may sit at our home with our friends our neighbors our relatives and we are all maybe in India people sip chai now you know Indian cuisine has not caught up so much in the west like Chinese cuisine has caught up but chai is like very well known when I do western outreach I go to westerners and speak to them so we had taken a group of about 25-30 westerners western yoga students to India for a yoga tour and say my name is Chaitanya it’s a very difficult name for most people to get so finally so in the first time we were taking a tour for 10-15 days there so most of these yoga students were women young women so finally one of those women she said chai Chaitanya so I said ok wonderful I said you got your name how did you get the name she said I thought of Chaitanya taking chai so in Sanskrit there is the idea of Sandhi vigraha you separate a word into its constituents so I thought no Acharya would have thought of this Sandhi so now I introduce myself to western audience as Charan it’s a straightforward name for people today so anyway I was making this point that often when there is chai we might just sit down to take chai we might take herbal tea whatever and that time we may start gossiping and sometimes when we gossip generally when do we gossip that is two things have to happen together for gossiping one is we hear something we like generally the information is not very likeable or interesting we don’t want to gossip about it but we hear something we like about someone we don’t like we hear something we like about someone we don’t like oh wow now in public interest I will tell this to everyone now so now sometimes we may gossip about someone and then that person comes to know somehow that oh this person spoke like this about me and then nice relationship becomes cold or even when we are gossiping about someone other person might seem to hear enjoy the gossip but that person may be thinking oh today you are speaking like that about this person and then tomorrow you may speak like that about me so what happens because of this is that there can be many different kinds of temptations but the idea is there is a part of us which knows this is going to cause some harm but we we overlook it so first is that if our life story is a story of dealing with temptation so I’ll talk about these four quadrants we need to recognize the need that there is a force of illusion and the force of illusion works against me so there is a need to fight against it so generally speaking if you consider this four quadrants let’s start with quadrant two if we don’t believe that there is a need to fight nor do we have any hope in fighting we don’t believe in Maya we don’t believe in Krishna so basically what happens is we are going to be dragged down we are going to be dragged down it is like Prabhupada says that some people go to hell others happily go to hell they are doing things which which they don’t even recognize or realize the consequences of so it’s like we are dragged down but we are effortlessly dragged down effortlessly means we are not even fighting against it so we end up becoming degraded over here now if we recognize the power of Maya but don’t recognize the power of Krishna then this is where quite often we become hopeless why hopeless so like some people get addicted to something and they try to give up something and they can’t give up they try again they can’t give up they try to give up they can’t give up and then they decide I give up the attempt to give up there is a British playwright Oscar Wilde he said giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world I have done it over a hundred times and I can do it today tomorrow everyday I can do it but I give it up but it does not give me it it comes back again so sometimes people just become hopeless this is this conditioning is so strong this attachment is so strong I will never be able to give it up so if we acknowledge that something is strong that means we may not use the term Maya but we are acknowledging the power of Maya so acknowledging the power of Maya but not acknowledging the power of Krishna that can make us hopeless now if we acknowledge the power of Krishna Krishna is all powerful Krishna can elevate me purify me liberate me liberate me liberate where there is where there is slippery ground and it’s a huge fall and they regularly go over there peer over and look down and sometimes people like to take dangerous selfies also you know so they go over there and they say I have done it many times nothing has happened but what happens sometimes they might be there and they don’t notice that the ground is slippery and that time suddenly a sharp gust of wind comes and then they just get slippery so yes we may think okay I am pure enough I am strong enough Krishna is strong enough we think that the temptation is not a big problem then what may happen is that we will get overcome there is this concept called Swiss cheese all the bad things that can happen they happen at the same time and then then the worst case is not just one worst case scenario but 3-4 worst case scenarios happen simultaneously and even the whole well laid situation can just get devastated so I have a friend Indian army and in India during some investigation what happened so he was telling me that at least right now what the understanding is that everything that could go wrong went wrong so sometimes it just happens like that so we can become careless to some extent we may think nothing is not going to affect me but it can affect us now if we acknowledge the power of maya and the power of Krishna so then what happens is that is where we are careful but we are also hopeful there is care and there is hope and when these two together come up this is where we truly become empowered empowered to change for the better so so from whichever quadrant we may be in today our session what we are discussing is from whichever quadrant we are in how can we get to this quadrant four so let’s move on to the next paragraph who would like to read third paragraph yes please indeed almost every day sometimes many times within a single day my own actions serve as evidence of the presence and power of this mighty enemy yes now see if we are not careful if we are not alert then we may not realize the problem we may not realize that say if somebody has a tendency to get angry now we may get we may get angry several times in a day but it might just be one harsh word a little change of tone in our voice and it might just be one one aggressive gesture now when this happens we may we may not even remember it at the end of the day but whoever is affected by it remember it by however if we start recognizing that there is this enemy inside me and it works against me then we will become more alert okay what is happening how is it happening now if we consider there are there are bad people who do bad things and there are good people who do good things but here what we are talking about is there are good people who end up doing bad things so if we consider Yudhishthir what happened to him was many times this question comes up why did he gamble at all so was he was he so uncontrolled in his senses that he went about and gambled he is considered Dharmaraj so what happened for him so if we consider lets go back to these four quadrants once again somebody who is neither an acknowledge the power of maya nor the power of Krishna that means that person is happily proudly under the clutches of illusion the example of this would be somebody like Ravan Ravan was proud of his power he was not fighting against his lust he was fighting for his lust he was travelling across world conquests to not just gain power but to gain pleasure by dominating and exploiting others and he was using all his power to use his cunning his cleverness his receptiveness all of it to try to abduct Sita even when people gave him warnings that don’t go against Ram you will be destroyed he did not acknowledge that so now if there is we don’t acknowledge the power of maya nor the power of Krishna we are like we are proudly in illusion and we just keep going downwards now we acknowledge the power of maya but we don’t acknowledge the power of Krishna then at times we are so caught in conditioning that we just keep getting dragged lower and lower and lower so when this happens a person just thinks that ok this is just the way I am this is the way I am going to live they may acknowledge at times that the way I am I am in a bad situation and the situation is something I want to get out of but the thing that I just can’t change so they just accept that or they just passively resign themselves to a life where they are again and again just succumbing to illusion they think that ok this is what life is this is how or whatever it is whether it is lust or anger or greed or whatever that is controlling me that is dominating me that is overpowering me now this the example for this is Ajami if you consider Ajami he when he went out he did not go out deliberately to look for some temptation he has just gone out on a routine tour and there he saw something which is completely agitated and then at that time he tried to remember scriptural wisdom he tried to remember some wisdom he tried to recall it but it just the attack of temptation was so strong it just changed his mind and that is how he got dragged down he went dragged down to a very very serious degree we will talk about Ajami how the power of maya it works let us look at these examples to understand this point now if you consider I was talking about the example of Yudhishthir Yudhishthir had great faith in Krishna if we look at the Mahabharata especially the commentaries of the Mahabharata I will come back to Ajami later but let us look at Yudhishthir right now first so what exactly happened why would a virtuous person gamble like this there is a bit of a background to it that after the war after the Rajasuya was performed Yudhishthir Maharaj came to Vyasadev who had presided over the whole ceremony and said I seek your blessings so that I can rule with peace and prosperity and lead all the citizens to their ultimate well being and naturally when the ceremony happens it has gone off well we are happy but Vyasadev was very grave he said oh king I see dark clouds in the future I see that there will be a terrible war and after that terrible war then you will have a reign of prosperity Yudhishthir became very grave Yudhishthir thought that I don’t want for there to be a war so he thought that why would wars occur generally wars occur when there are not just conflicts but unresolved conflicts and why are conflicts unresolved because whoever is an authority who might resolve the conflict that authority is not accepted like two people two people have a property dispute they go to court the court gives a particular verdict if either or both sides don’t accept the verdict then what happens is then they will start fighting it’s like when there is a conflict and when the talking stops when the talking stops the conflict doesn’t go away when the talking stops the fighting begins isn’t it talks will not be pleasant but fighting is even more unpleasant so he thought that wars why do they occur they occur because of unresolved conflicts and unresolved conflicts why do they happen because of rejected authorities rejected authority figures those who might resolve the conflict if they are not accepted then it leads to conflict so he thought that in order to avoid wars I will always accept whatever my authority figures tell me and in his case authority figures were Dhritarashtra so when Dhritarashtra called him for a gambling match and Dhritarashtra called him through Vidura so it’s like two elders two father figures were involved in it Dhritarashtra thought I can’t say now he the first thing he said when they came to the gambling arena he said to Duryodhana why do you want to steal from me through gambling the wealth with which I want to serve society I want to serve the Brahmanas I want to do good for everyone so Duryodhana said who talked about stealing anything we just want to have a friendly match now at that time he said Shakuni will play on my behalf that’s against the rules of gambling whoever is taking the money that is the person who should be playing if you are afraid you did not play now Yudhisthira looked at Dhritarashtra this was clearly unfair Yudhisthira tried to play by the rules normally what happens is if a game is going on football or cricket if one player is doing something unfair you expect the umpire to intervene point out it is unfair Mahabharata depicts reality in its brutality and one brutal truth of life is brutal truth is that good intentions are not a substitute for good intelligence good intentions are not a substitute for good intelligence so good intentions mean that he wanted to do dharma he wanted to do bhakti he wanted to do seva that’s a good intention but it was a bad judgment so he had faith in the power of Krishna but what happened is he underestimated the pull of gambling he underestimated how much it can drag someone down so just because we are trying to serve Krishna does not mean that the forces of illusion will no longer work on us just because say we want to we have some service in the temple we have to do we have to do aarti for Krishna because of that we go at a dangerously high speed in the car we think oh I am going for Krishna’s service it’s good enough but in the material world it acts according to certain principles if somebody has severe diabetes and they say that somebody brings them a turupati balaji laddu this is prashad how can I say no to prashad and they take the laddu now what will happen is they will get spiritually purified but they will get materially devastated so the power of maya is something to be seriously acknowledged so for all of us we may not neglect Krishna for most of us what happens is ya Krishna is nice but maya is also not all that bad so we do not devalue the power of Krishna but we often devalue the power of maya and then what happens we end up in self created trouble self created trouble so for all of us it’s important to acknowledge that both maya is powerful and Krishna is powerful and so now as I said we will go towards the fourth quadrant let’s look at the last paragraph who would like to read the mantra you would like to read the lord is our protector so it’s like if we take a medical metaphor if we consider a disease if somebody has a disease then first they need to take the disease seriously isn’t it and then after they take the disease then they have to take the treatment seriously so if somebody doesn’t take the disease seriously then suppose somebody has now a days suppose somebody gets some disease like say somebody has cancer the word cancer is such that just hearing that word people get terrified now of course many forms of cancer are curable now but normally if we hear the diagnosis cancer will not take it lightly will take it seriously but somebody has just some swelling on the body some little pain so they say no big deal I don’t have to worry about it so if they don’t take the disease seriously things will become problematic but if somebody takes the disease seriously but they don’t take the treatment seriously then also it will be a problem so for us recognizing that maya is powerful is like taking the disease seriously so when we take the disease seriously we recognize that there is a need to fight against this temperature and then when we take Krishna seriously there is hope that I can be cured so I’ll talk about this last part that how to feel the need and how to feel the hope so broadly speaking it’s not that all of us have the same anartha troubling us to the same degree each of us may have different anarthas some of us may have common anarthas but the principle is there that maya will attack all of us in some way or the other so how do we feel the need broadly speaking the need comes from two things one is the positive that we are unable to do if say I want to read bhagavad gita bhagavatam regularly and I spend lot of time on phone reading this watching this looking at that responding to that reacting to this now unless we have some positive that we want to do we may not even realize how much time we are spending like a student may spend a lot of time on social media but the exam is six months away and yeah it doesn’t matter but the exam is tomorrow and I spend six hours on social media today that would be devastating so unless we have something positive that we want to do and we are unable to do most of us say that oh I don’t have time and it is true that you know nowadays people may be fairly wealthy but there is one kind of poverty that everyone has sociologists call this time poverty time poverty is where we all have more things to do than what we have time to do but we will notice that while there are many things which we don’t have time to do but if we look at the time that we have we often spend it on less than important things so the way we realize the need to fight against temptation is by having something that we want to do but we are unable to do so when we start looking at that I want to be kind and polite and helpful but as soon as something goes wrong I start becoming rude and harsh and just becoming mean so I go this is not the kind of way I want to be so that need can come from a positive side by recognizing that there are some values some purposes some things which I want to do but I’m unable to do it so we need to have some positive that is our aspiration so by looking at our aspirations looking at our good things that we want to do and unable to do on one side we can feel the aspirations to do something the other thing is the negative that we end up doing so this is where we have our boundaries Krishna talks about these two in 6.35 as Abhyasena to Kaunteya Vairagyena Chaturvedi so Abhyasa means repeated practice now why would we practice something repeatedly because we want to learn it we want to do it there are aspirations that we have so what is it that I want to do that I’m unable to do it and boundaries means what there are certain things which we do not want to do but we end up doing it so only if we don’t have any boundaries at all say if somebody has a lot of money and they keep buying lots of things some people sometimes people have basements which are filled with things which they have barely opened once and kept over there now if somebody has lots of money they may spend a lot of money also they may not even realize that I’m spending so much money but if somebody keeps a boundary you know every month I’m not going to shop beyond this amount or if some circumstances come in their life and they don’t have that much money then they have to budget themselves more carefully so if we have certain boundaries we all may get angry but generally we all keep our anger under limits so normally when we get angry we might just yell at someone we might raise our voice but most of us if we are in a culturally cultured society we may not use swear words we may not use obscenities but if you regularly give into anger and one day suddenly we find that we have spoken some obscenities how could you speak something like that and you know if you just speak it among some people who don’t who okay they are taken aback but in a way we are just family relatives tomorrow we speak it against somebody who is much more cultured and important for us and then hey this is a boundary that I have crossed so for each one of us it’s like how do I know that I have a disease say if somebody is doing some regular work out that they are having muscular atrophy how do they know it that okay I try to lift a weight and I am not able to lift a weight something is wrong only so only when we have some aspirations and that we are not able to do we start recognizing maybe this problem disease is there and say you know we are walking along and slip and fall what happened how did I slip and fall I just happened I didn’t see slippery ground but maybe it’s not slippery ground normally we don’t slip and fall so unless we have certain aspirations and certain boundaries we won’t recognize that there is a need for me to fight against temptation now many ways the aspirations they come by satsang they come by good association for us it might be routine to get angry and yell at someone when they do something wrong but if we meet with people who are saintly minded those are devotees and we see how calm and cool they are even in difficult situations maybe I should also be like this I get angry over small things I should not get angry so it’s good association that often gives us aspirations I want to become like this now boundaries how do the boundaries come the boundaries come by two things one is intelligence and the other is experience that we hear scriptures and we understand how the power of maya can be so great see here I’ll talk about a point of Ajami even Ajami he saw that particular side he said that he saw a man and a woman publicly engaging in sensuality he saw that and that captivated him and he felt a strong desire to be with that woman after that what happened he said ok I just don’t want to be one time with her I want to be regularly with her I want to be regularly with her what happens you know I’ll reject my wife and then his parents were there his parents opposed him and said I’ll reject my parents also now he was a brahmana if a brahmana is supposed to do priestly activities come and perform yajnas in somebody’s house if that person has rejected their wife rejected their parents that person is living so immorally nobody will ask that person to come and do priestly activities in their home so then he lost his profession what is he going to do now he started robbing he started stealing he started threatening people he started attacking and injuring people to rob them so that one indulgence he would not have thought that it would lead him all this way down but what happens is maya just keeps creeping and creeping so when we have boundaries no i cannot do this i am never going to do this so when we have boundaries that which we are not meant to cross so what happens is we cross one boundary no big deal we cross another boundary we cross another boundary it just goes further and further there are devotees who are trying to do outreach in many different ways we have we have created a program some devotees have created a program called bhakti recovery group i asked him what inspired you see for somebody who is an alcoholic one of the things is that they often deny that they are alcoholics no no its not a big deal at all i can give up whenever i want and what happens is i can give up the desire to give up whenever i want also so its a denial it can come when we meet somebody good and we say i want to become like that good or that moment of awakening can come when we see how bad have i become how could i become like this what have i done there is a time when the power of maya we realize that so this is for all our conditionings we will say i am not able to give up this conditioning but do we really have that desire to give it up sometimes we say there is a desire and there is a need and for us we may have many desires to improve but like desires sometimes fulfill them sometimes we don’t fulfill them but do we feel a need to improve that’s when if something is a need then we will do it so by these two contemplations need can come up the last part is the hope so how do we develop the hope sometimes we may realize that okay yeah this is a bad thing but i have tried so many times i never succeeded that hope comes by understanding that the power while maya is powerful krishna is more powerful that krishna’s power is greater than maya’s power so i concluded one image so if we consider this is the earth and we are on the earth now around the earth there is the earth’s gravity pull that the gravity zone of the earth in which there is a gravity pull so if we try to go up or if we are in a rocket the rocket is being projected upwards and what happens is that it goes up but the gravity pulls it down so for all of us the things that we are attached to they have a pull and when we try to go out of that we just pull down and this gravity pull may be different for different people based on how much they have indulged in that particular activity how much they have been attached to it but the gravity pull is there it pulls us down so for sometimes we think that that say Krishna is somewhere over here and Krishna is far away and we think that I have to go all the way up to Krishna so one of the key things that the Gita teaches is Krishna is far above Krishna is far above maya Krishna is far above the conditions of this world that is if you consider the sun or the moon they are so up they cannot be pulled by the gravity pull of the earth so Krishna is far above however Krishna is far above means he is above the gravity pull of the objects however Krishna is not far away Krishna is far above but not far away what this means is that there are certain places in our life if this is sense object and this is the gravity pull of the sense objects now there are certain areas in our life where Krishna is so close that Krishna’s gravity pull comes where we are that means say consider if somebody is an alcoholic they are completely caught in the gravity pull of alcohol but while they are drinking if they see devotees doing sankirtan and devotees dance let me also dance and when they dance they experience some joy over there so even when they are in the tamasic state of intoxication they can still experience the joy of Krishna so like that wherever we are there Krishna’s gravity pull can reach us that does not mean that it will be equally the same all the time that’s why although Krishna is in our hearts we do not perceive his presence all the time when we come in satsang when we do some puja when we go on some yatra when we do some serious seva at that time what are we doing by these activities we are placing ourselves in the gravity pull of Krishna and we put ourselves in the gravity pull of Krishna then we start experiencing that this is so amazing I didn’t feel any agitation I didn’t feel any temptation I didn’t feel any distraction all that just went away so you know today is ekadashi some of us may be fasting on ekadashi now what happens is some people when they fast they decide to fast and then they give up the determination to fast fast others may hold fast to the determination to fast now maybe on janmashtami we fast till midnight say I cannot fast till midnight but we come in the association maybe we are doing seva there is katha going on there is kirtan going on and just one hour second hour third hour it just passes and till midnight we are fasted and in some ways I didn’t know I had this capacity to fast like this so have any of you experienced this that in when you are in Krishna consciousness temptation just doesn’t seem to trouble us any of you experienced this we all have that experience there are times when the gravity pull of Krishna comes in where we are and then we don’t feel the gravity pull of maya the sense objects so for all of us it is these experiences that can give us the hope yeah maybe temptations do come back and they trouble me but there are times when I do not feel tempted there are times when I remain free from temptation and if we can bring ourselves in the presence of Krishna more and more then we will find that the gravity what will happen eventually that by the power of Krishna the sense objects will be there the gravity pull will be there but Krishna’s gravity pull will pull us upwards and we will go outside the gravity pull of the sense objects so for some of us we might have been eating say maybe some of us might have been eating meat before we came to bhakti and then after we started practicing bhakti many of us we just give it a basic now if we go in a plane or a train and the person sitting next to us is eating meat if the person sitting may be watching some movie and we may feel tempted to watch the movie but if they are eating meat most devotees will not feel attracted to the meat at all see we do not know whether Krishna is all attractive but Krishna prasad is all attractive so in that we have experienced some higher taste so that’s why it is like when we are daily dealing with distractions daily dealing with temptations we feel is this bhakti really working is the power of Krishna really there I am getting the same anger I feel the same irritation I feel the same temptation I feel same urges I have to fight against everyday we may feel that where is the power of Krishna but this power of Krishna it requires we need to remember remembrance of two things one is that that there are temptation free moments that we experience they may not be permanent but we have experience of temptation three times it may be for a few minutes it may be for few hours few days we have experienced it and there are also areas in our life areas means you can say habits where we have we have become free it might be a minor thing but we have become free if you remember these two things then we will have hope ok that particular conditioning that particular unhealthy habit I was able to give up this might be more difficult to give up because maybe this conditioning is more deeply rooted maybe this will take more time but I will be able to give it up so in this way when we take the power of maya seriously and the power of Krishna seriously then we will experience sooner or later a magical transformation in our life in the journey of bhakti quite often what happens is the spiritual change that happens the spiritual growth that happens it happens in three phases first it is first it is revolutionary revolutionary means what it’s a rapid change initially when we come to bhakti this thing changes our lifestyle changes our habits change there is a revolutionary change that happens but that revolutionary change it stays for some time after that it is a grind we feel as if there is no dramatic change happening but that change is happening that change is evolutionary it’s like if you have a newborn baby it’s like every week the baby is growing you can actually measure and see every week the baby is growing but once the child becomes three or four or five years old every week you measure the height the height is always going to increase but every day the child is being fed while the child is growing so for most of our spiritual journey our growth is evolutionary but then at the end again it becomes a revolution towards the end of our life what happens is that the example is given say if we are going out for a morning walk and it’s still twilight the sun has not yet risen so we are chanting maybe and we are thinking about Krishna and suddenly we realize the sun has risen so now the sun didn’t rise at one moment the sun was rising continuously but at one particular time we realized the sun has risen so that is how purification happens so every day that we practice bhakti we do some puja we do some swadhyay we do some seva every single day we are getting purified although it may appear that oh this desire is coming this temptation is coming I am fighting against it’s coming it’s coming but every day we are practicing bhakti the sun of Krishna is rising in our heart and Shri Prabhupada writes that one day realize oh I have become a pure devotee what is pure devotee means that the same temptation that were troubling me earlier I just don’t feel those temptations like the river comes into the ocean but the ocean is not disturbed you will find that the thing that would disturb me earlier they no longer disturb me and that is the stage when our heart becomes fully situated in Krishna and Krishna says that is the stage of we are already within that is the stage of mukti even if we are not yet liberated we are essentially liberated it is only a matter of time when there will be videha mukti and we will be back with him back with Krishna for a life of eternal love and eternal joy so I will summarize what I discussed today I talked about the broad topic of fighting temptations fighting the power of maya fighting now I talk about three main points in the session the first point was that how when we all face problems in life there are external problems but much more than these are the self-created problems and I talk about how good vocabulary and bad temper it makes things worse so the problems in our life often the bigger problems are not the external but the internal they can be two separate but the internal often make the external worse so sooner or later we recognize that there are these inner demons which need to be dealt with and to deal with these demons the major talk I discussed was about how in these four quadrants we take maya seriously or we don’t take maya seriously and we take Krishna seriously so we take Krishna seriously or we don’t take Krishna seriously so now if these four quadrants are there if we take maya if we don’t take any of these seriously then we are like in a position of Ravan where we are basically getting degraded and we are getting proudly degraded happily proudly blissfully degraded ignorantly degraded if we take maya seriously but we don’t take Krishna seriously then what happens we become hopeless so hopeless is the example here was Ajami he tried to fight but he felt he could not fight and he just gave up now if we take Krishna seriously but we don’t take maya seriously then we become careless what are the examples of this Yudhishthir Maharaj he had good intentions when he started I wanted to obey my elders but if the elders are asking us to do something dangerous like gambling should we do it and if we do it also how far can we say that because I am doing it for Krishna so I won’t get into trouble no good intelligence is necessary even when we have good intentions now if we have both then we become empowered we become empowered we take Krishna seriously we take maya seriously now there are many examples of this of saints who get of people who get transformed so we have Valyagudi he took the holy name seriously we have Mrigari who realized who got the vision of how killing was causing was going to lead to hellish suffering for him in future he took the wrong action seriously so we have Jagai Madai you can take the example of Nugari over here so then our talk was that first the need need means that we take Krishna take maya seriously we feel the need to fight so how do we feel the need to fight by two things one is aspirations think of things that we want to do in our life we would love to do it but we are not able to do it that will make us realize that there is something that I am being pulled away something inside me that is pulling me away from this our aspirations that we we are not able to do we are unable to do and then the other is our boundaries that there are things we are we things which we again do not boundary that we do not want to cross but we keep crossing we unable to stay within but then we can realize that sometimes by good association we may realize that oh this is the kind of person I want to become and then that can inspire us and by by self observation what kind of person am I becoming so by our intelligence by our experience we start recognizing by our satsang we can develop good aspirations by our self observation by our by our experience by anubhav by observing ourselves we understand that this boundary that can make us feel the need for change the last need to fight the last is the hope to fight need to fight means we understand the power of maya we take the power of maya seriously the hope to fight that comes by understanding that that there is a gravity pull of maya which is keeping us caught but there is krishna and krishna also has his gravity pull and krishna’s gravity pull can come where we are and it can lift us up from where we are also so here we need to remember two things remember one is that how the temptation free times that we may have there are times like we may fast on ekadashi or fast on janmashtami we just don’t feel any temptation at all normally what we thought impossible we experience the temptation three times we may go for yatra just forget everything of this world oh this tv program this movie this politics everything is forgotten and then there are also habits that we have become free from anarthas that we have we are free from if we remember these two things then we will have the hope that krishna will help us change krishna is there for us and we discussed how spiritual change that happens it is initially it is revolutionary then it becomes evolutionary and then finally it will again become revolutionary initially it is rapid and dramatic in the initial stage and then finally also it will again be revolutionary but in between it is evolutionary so when we are in this field of evolutionary change that is where we need our buddhi to understand the power of maya understand the power of krishna and keep pushing ourselves by which we will keep growing towards krishna let’s conclude by offering this prayer once again you can repeat after me my dear lord my dear lord let awareness of inner danger let awareness of inner danger drive me drive me toward your shelter toward your in the name of the the supreme lord are there any questions or comments so many things that he encountered that he had he has covered a lot of areas I don’t with Can I have the water? How do we get to that state because there are so many minerals that we get on this planet? How do we not succumb to those minerals? How do we know theoretically that we are that is the goal? And is it possible to reach that in this life? So far you have mentioned that many times we do let go of that. I don’t think it’s possible in this life.
So how do we get a firm conviction that it is possible in this lifetime? Yes, it is quite easy to get discouraged. And also it is possible that we may end up discouraging ourselves by having unrealistic expectations of ourselves. What that means is that while Krishna consciousness can work in wonderful ways, but we can’t expect magic all the time.
Magic does come, but it may not come all the time. So what this means is that we all need to choose our battles. Say, if you consider now India has had wars with two of its enemies, two of its neighbors, Pakistan and China.
Now to some extent in the last 10-12 years, India has taken some strong action against Pakistan. But we have not really done something similar with China till now. We are not that strong.
That doesn’t mean we are letting China walk all over us. But it is not that we have taken the battle to China. So we are choosing our battles.
Maybe in future we will become stronger. So we have many un-earthers in us. We have many things which we want to improve.
But if we try to fight too many battles, or we try to fight battles that are too difficult right now, then we will become too discouraged and think that it is not going to happen. So when we are fighting a battle, we also need a sense of success or at least a sense of progress. So therefore we need to start with realistic battles.
Gradually, step by step. So now we may have many areas where we want to improve. Maybe we have many kinds of things which we want to stop doing.
But start with something which is doable for us. And we decide, okay, for the next one month, next three months, I am going to do this. And stick to that.
Many times what happens? I was in India. We have a Govardhaniko village where we have a lot of western people who come. They are yoga teachers and they are also interested in spirituality.
So I was talking with one western. I asked him how long I want to be here. He said, I have to go back by February.
I said, okay, what do you do? He said, I am a therapist. He said, our business shoots up in February. I said, why is that? There are some people who have seasonal depression.
So is February a time people get depressed? He said, no, not like that. He said, in January people make resolutions. By February, most people have failed in their resolutions.
And they end up getting depressed. So see, my understanding is that sometimes we have to take small wins. That means, instead of thinking that I failed, I made a resolution and I failed.
Be happy that I stuck to the resolution for one month. Generally, there are some like when we take initiation vows, there are some vows that I am not going to do this again in my life. But there are many whose consequences might not be that serious.
What happens is that if you say, I will not do this for the rest of my life. It’s like a goal with no victory on it. You may stick to it for one year, two years.
But at the end, when you relapse, oh, I failed. But instead of that, once you have the mindset, I will never do this for the rest of my life. The mind says, okay, you have the rest of your life to do this.
It’s an indulgence now. Afterwards, you can start the resolution. So maybe take small wins.
Okay, I’ll not do this for one month. Like we have the Kartik month. Then we may take some resolutions.
We have Chaturmas. Then we take some resolutions. So we need to have a realistic understanding.
Krishna can do magic. But the mood of a devotee is not that a devotee demands that Krishna do magic. And we also have to be recognizing that, okay, I have certain conditions.
They are not going to go away overnight. So if we choose our battles and we take small wins, then it will be relatively easier to sustain ourselves. And the third point I’ll make is this is both with respect to Maya, with respect to fighting Maya.
But the other aspect is focusing on Krishna. So what happens is that in Krishna Bhakti also, there are a range of activities. And not all Bhakti activities will be equally nourishing for us right now.
So if we consider the activities of Bhakti, there are some which give strength to us. Now when we do that, we just feel enlivened. We feel great spiritual joy.
We feel the presence of Krishna. Maybe for some people it could be Kirtan. For some people it could be Puja.
For some people it could be hearing some classes. For some people it could be cooking for Krishna. Whatever it is.
And then even in Bhakti, there are some things which require strength. Require strength means what? That we really have to push ourselves to do those activities. Maybe for most people chanting will fall in that category.
Doing Japa. And for some people they may have a taste for Japa. That’s wonderful if they have.
But for most people it requires strength. So we also need to look at the Bhakti activities. What that means is, there are some activities where, it’s like say, I am here.
And in different Bhakti activities, like if Krishna is here, the gravity pull of Krishna may come, I have to reach to that gravity pull. In some other activities, so for example in Japa, the gravity pull might be up there and we have to reach there. Till then we have to push ourselves.
But maybe in Kirtan, or maybe in Katha, the gravity pull reaches where we are. So for us, which are the activities that give us strength, we need to note them and do them regularly. Keep them accessible to ourselves.
When we do that, then when moments of weakness, it’s like when we are having moments of weakness, and then we have to do the activity that requires strength. We will forget it. No, when we have moments of weakness, we need to do the activity that gives us strength immediately.
All activities of Bhakti will give us strength, no doubt. But some may not give the strength immediately. So looking at which manifestations of Krishna are we naturally attracted to.
There are many beautiful deities of Krishna, but some deities, pictures, we may feel very attracted to. We keep them on our phone, keep them with us, whenever we see them, a prayerful bhav comes within us, and then have that. That way if we do this, then it will become, the battle will still be tough, but it will become less difficult for us.
So we make a list of these activities, and then we keep those activities accessible. Thank you. Any other questions or comments? Yes ma’am.
Correct, good question. So when we say that Krishna will fix all things. Yes, Krishna will fix all things.
But more often than not, Krishna will fix all things by fixing us. So that we can fix all things. It is not that Krishna will magically solve problems.
We see there are in the Mahabharata, many incidents where Krishna miraculously intervened. But if we see the majority of the Kurukshetra war, it was Arjuna using his archery, using his strength, he was fighting. Now which were the moments that led to victory? Was it the miraculous moment when Krishna covered the sun and told, help Arjuna to kill Jaidrath? That is true.
But Arjuna got to that point by fighting through the entire Kaurava army. So yes, God helps us, no doubt. But when, see broadly, this is a big subject, but I will try to shorten it.
See in our life there are situations. Now situations can be problematic. Now situations lead to emotions.
Something bad happens to us, we feel disheartened, we feel discouraged, we feel frustrated. And then emotions lead to decisions. So quite often when we turn to Krishna, when we pray to Krishna, what we expect is that Krishna fix the situations.
But what often Krishna does is that he fixes our emotions. When he fixes our emotions, then that enables us to fix, to take better decisions. So now Krishna can fix the situations also, but that is not what he normally does.
A devotee does not depend on Krishna intervening all the time. So the whole Bhagavad Gita is not, see there is a difference between, to some extent the mood of the Ramayana and the Mahabharata. In the Ramayana, Lord Ram is the hero.
Of course he is not the only hero, Haruman is also a hero. All of them are heroes, but Ram is the central hero. And he is doing the most action.
In the Mahabharata, it is Krishna not doing the most action. In the Pandavas, it is Arjuna doing the most action. In many ways, the Mahabharata is more reflective of real life than the Ramayana.
So the call of the Bhagavad Gita is not just that Krishna is the hero and turn to him and he will solve all your problems. Rather the mood of the Bhagavad Gita is Krishna is the hero and join him and he will make you a hero. So he will enable you to do heroic things.
So yesterday I gave a class on the same topic in Columbus. I talked about how we may think of Krishna as a protector. And that is wonderful.
Krishna as a protector means that Krishna is the hero who will protect me when I am in trouble. And that is good to understand. But Krishna is not just a protector.
Krishna is also our commander. That we are in an army. And we are in Krishna’s army.
And this war that we are fighting, it is a tough war. But we have Krishna as our commander. And when Krishna is the commander, we fight in the war.
And then here Krishna is the hero. But in Krishna’s army, we also become the hero. So Krishna wants us to become heroic.
Nrsila Prabhupada was the unlikeliest of heroes at the age of 69, 70, with nothing to show in his life. He went to America. And he came to America.
And he tried to serve Krishna. And in the last 10 years, 108 temples, 70 books, 14 world tours, thousands and thousands of people inspired to take up bhakti. So it is Prabhupada who also became a hero.
So yes, Krishna helps us. Bhagwan sab karege. That’s true.
But Krishna will do many things through us. And that’s why devotion is not passivity. Krishna will take care of everything.
We can think of that when we are giving in to too much anxiety. Don’t think Krishna will take care. But Krishna will take care of other things.
Let me take care of the thing that I am doing right now. So in that sense, there is our part and Krishna’s part. So it’s like a human-divine partnership.
Like Krishna and Arjuna had a partnership. Like that, the divine-human partnership. So it is like the human take care of what I can.
That I take care of what I can. And the divine Krishna will take care of what I can’t. Thank you.
Good question. Yeah. Thank you.
Any last question before we stop? Yes, ma’am. But children means you are talking about teenagers or? Hmm. It is difficult.
I think there are, what I found is probably three steps. First is that how we see our children. It is like our children, especially in teenage, see, this particular time is in human history as far as recorded history.
It is a time of unprecedented temptation. So it is a very difficult time in which to grow up. So instead of thinking that our children are being difficult.
Why don’t they listen to me? Why don’t they care for me? I want their good. So seeing them as they are being difficult, you should see that they are in difficulty. That they may not want our help.
They may not be ready to take our help. But it is that they are in difficulty. It is an overwhelming time to live in today’s world.
So what is the difficulty? I lived in poverty. I lived in far more difficulty than what you are living in. I have given you so many comforts in life.
But their difficulty quite often is much more psychological. Especially what happens when people come to teenage. If you consider childhood, teenage and adulthood.
So, in childhood, a person’s identity is more or less, I am the son or daughter of so and so. In adulthood, they develop their identity. I have this allegory, I have this job, I have this family.
We have developed the identity. But in teen, it is an identity crisis. They are too old to be satisfied simply with the identity that I am so and so’s son or daughter.
But they have not created their own identity. So therefore here, there is a lot of peer pressure. Because you know, for whom do we want an identity? We want an identity so that we will be accepted and respected in our social circles.
So then, there are different kinds of peers. Some peers will say, okay, have you watched this movie? Have you tried out this drink? Have you tried out these drugs? Come on, have a life, enjoy. So you are just being a nerd.
All these kind of small labels come up and they jar them quite a bit. So the first thing is that, it is not that we are against our children. Or rather our children are against us.
We don’t think we are against our children, but they are in difficulty. So, one of the, especially when I give talks to completely new people, Western people, one of my prayers I offer, it’s there in this book also. So with that, we go to 3.26. Help me to learn how to help others to learn.
So it is not that people are dumb and they don’t want to learn. It is that, I have to learn how to help others to learn. So that, it’s that they are in difficulty.
Krishna says, don’t disturb others’ minds. Try to elevate them gradually. So, the idea over here is that, the first is that they are in difficulty.
Once we understand that, then try to learn how to help them to learn. What does that mean? That often, they want help. But what happens is, most often teenagers feel that, you just don’t understand me.
You don’t understand what situation I am going through. So, if at any time, they start talking, you know, this happened in my school today, this happened in my college today, this happened. No, our tendency is immediately to judge them.
How could you have done like this? Why are you such a person like this? A person who does like this. But if they are expressing something, if we immediately rush to judgment, then they will close down completely. So, it’s okay.
Try to understand what is going on in their life. You may say they are foolish and they are ignorant and we are experienced. But, they don’t feel it like that.
Like one of the differences between say, Indian culture or Eastern culture and Western culture is, that Eastern culture, in the East, the culture is much more hierarchical. And there is authority and there is a subordinate. So, for many of us, when we are growing up, if our parents told us, don’t do this, we obeyed.
So, in hierarchical cultures, authority is assumed. Respect is assumed. Because I am in authority position, respect is assumed.
Now, it is not in the Western culture, authority is not there. But it is more that the culture is more horizontal. Like kids call their parents sometimes by their names also.
We call our bosses by our names. We feel it’s weird, it’s disrespectful. That’s a different culture.
It’s not that there is no respect. But respect has to be earned. Here, it can be assumed respect.
But here, it has to be earned. The idea is that, you have to show me, that something which you are telling me has value for me, it works for me. So, if you try to spend some time understanding them.
Now, in the childhood, we have to set some boundaries. That’s important. But as they grow up, they will have to decide what boundaries they want to live under.
So, live within. And they may want to explore. And we don’t want them to explore into dangerous degrees.
But the idea is, respect has to be earned. And earning respect means what? That we try to understand their situation and give them guidance which makes sense to them. And they say, even if one small guidance that we give, it helps them to become more open to guidance.
So, try to understand what the kids are going through. And it is a very different and difficult world that they are in today. And the last part is that, we often want to discipline them.
But instead of talking about discipline, we can talk about self-negotiation. What do I mean by self-negotiation? It’s like, there is the present me. And there is the future me.
So, for example, say, if we are trapped in a storm. And we have, say, only 7 days food. Then, we may decide that if I just enjoy a big feast right now, then I may not have any food after 3 or 4 days.
So, the present me should not enjoy at the cost of the future. So, rather than telling the children, don’t do this, don’t do this, don’t do this. Try to help them to see that, why is discipline? You want to enjoy right now.
But do you want to enjoy in a way that will harm the future you? That will ruin life for the future you? So, it’s not so much that I am telling you to do this. But rather, there is a future you who has to live with the consequence of the present you. And so, now present me is there.
Now, if we care only for the present me, we will get stagnated or degraded. But on the other hand, if we care only for the future me, this is good for you in the future, this is good for you in the future. But what about the present me? It’s like, we want to have food after 7 days.
But what about me? Don’t eat anything, because we eat food in the future. We will have food in the future, but we may not be there in the future. So, what happens is, if we care only for the present me, we can get degraded, we can get into bad habits.
But in the future me, only we care for it, then we can get suffocated. Bad. You know, you are saying so many things which are good for the future me, but you don’t seem to care for the present me at all.
Oh, you will have a career, you will have this. But there is no enjoyment for me right now in my life. So, ideally speaking, there has to be both.
So, it is not that the future me has to be at the cost of the present me, or the future you has to be at the cost of the present you. It is also that the present you should not be at the cost of future. So, if we get that sense of time, and help them get that sense of time, it is not just I who am telling you to do this, and you have to do this.
It is you have a future to live in. As a famous American thinker Mark Twain, he said that when I was 17, my father was a fool. Now I am 25, and I am amazed how much the old guy has learned in the last 8 years.
Now, it is possible that the father has also learned some things, but it is quite likely that at 17, the hormones are high, one thing I can conquer the whole world. But by 25, a person has become a little more responsible, and a person starts recognizing that, you know, my parents have lived responsibly, they have gone through life, they have something to teach me. So, sometimes what happens, I am talking about this from the present me and the future me, from the child’s perspective, but from our perspective also, sometimes we may want the child to do at present the right thing, and force them so much.
We can force to some extent, but if we force them too much, once they become young adults, they may just go completely off. So, sometimes doing the right thing is important, or getting them to do the right thing is important, but sometimes maintaining the right relationship is also important. If we tell them that, you know, what I am telling you is right, and if you don’t listen to me, you will regret it in the future, and then you will come crawling back to me.
Now, if we do that, even if they realize they were wrong, they will not come back. So, it’s like a bird, like a mother bird, when the baby bird is small, the mother bird protects the baby in the nest, when the baby bird has to fly, and while flying sometimes the baby bird may fall down, but then, that’s how the baby bird learns to fly. So, from our side also, we want to care that they make the present choices properly, but if we force them to make certain choices right now, they may become resentful, and even when there are good choices to be made, they may not make good choices, just because we told them to make those choices.
So, it’s like a careful, from our side also we have to negotiate. You know, I want to get my child to do the right thing, but I also want to have a good relationship with my child. So, if the only word that the child hears from the parents, no, no, no, you cannot do this, you cannot do that, you cannot do that, then eventually the child will grow up and will say no to the relationship with the parent itself, and that can be very painful.
So, this is not easy, it is difficult, but gradually we can help them navigate that difficult phase of adulthood, of teenage to come to adulthood. Thank you very much.