When our services sometimes cause anxiety how can we understand that devotees are peaceful?

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questions? So, it is said that a devotee is shanta because a devotee is free from desires. Because all of us have desires and that’s why they are shanta. But sometimes, devotees may get agitated.
So, how does that happen? There is we consider negative axis, there is zero and there is a positive axis. So, at the material level, there is agitation because of unfulfilled desires. And that simply causes distress.
That causes agony. I want something, I don’t get it. I get agony because of that.
Now, those material desires which cause misery, a devotee is freed from them. In that sense, the devotee is peaceful because there are no agitating material desires. However, the spiritual realm is not just a realm of peace.
It’s a realm of ecstasy. And that means that in the spiritual realm also, devotees have desires. So, when is Krishna going to come back home? Radha Rani is wondering, when will I see Krishna next time? When they are not able to see Krishna, they feel, you know, our life.
What is the use of our life? shunyaitam jagat sarvam govindam eva hainame. So, this is not just peacefulness. This is actually, you could say, agony again.
But no. The difference between emotions in relationship with Krishna and emotions in relationship with the world is that Krishna is always the source of happiness. So, we could say that worldly experiences are essentially poison because it keeps us forgetful of Krishna.
But there can be sweet poison and there can be bitter poison. So, when materially enjoyable experiences we get, they are like sweet poison. It’s poison, but it’s sweet so we drink more and more of it.
And materially when we are distressed, that distress also makes us so agitated that we become overwhelmed by it and we don’t think of Krishna. That is also poison. But that is bitter poison.
In contrast to Krishna Bhakti, it’s always nectar. But sometimes it can be sweet nectar, sometimes it can be bitter nectar. Chaitanya Charnam will give the example that love for Krishna is like hot sugarcane juice.
It’s delicious so you can’t stop drinking. But because it’s hot, it causes burning also. So, what it means is sometimes when the devotees and gopis are united with Krishna, then there is so much joy.
So, it’s sweet nectar. When the gopis are separated from Krishna, it’s agony for them because they are separated. But still it’s nectar because they are absorbed in Krishna.
And absorption in Krishna itself brings joy. Although specifically they may be experiencing great distress and separation from Krishna. But because internally there is absorption in Krishna, there is joy.
So, the joy is the constant platform of all experience in the spiritual world. Because the joy is coming from the absorption in Krishna. But sometimes that absorption in Krishna is like sweet nectar.
Sometimes that absorption in Krishna is like bitter nectar. Now, how does this translate for us as sadhakas? When we are trying to do various services in our life, sometimes doing any service means there is anxiety. So, if Prabhupada had been simply desiring Shanti, peacefulness, then he would never have left Vrindavan to go to America.
He went to America then he had to suffer heart attacks, he had to suffer people who attacked him, people who robbed him, people who were in various stages of being depraved because of drugs. And all that caused him anxiety also. So, but a devotee has a purpose higher than simply the experience of peace.
A devotee wants to experience love. And for experiencing love, a devotee does service. If that service causes anxiety, a devotee is fine with that.
Now, like a woman who does not have a child, she may be peaceful. When she gets a child, the child cries at night, child wakes up at night, it causes anxiety. But then the mother may say, you know, I just want peace, I’ll give this child away to someone else.
She won’t do that because she loves the child. Although there is anxiety, there is greater fulfillment because there is love. Of course, this is mundane.
In the spiritual world, it is much more so. That actually, when we love Krishna, we want to experience the emotion higher than peace. So, the Juhu project was going on.
Juhu was a major temple which in Mumbai, in India, which Prabhupada wanted to get. And there was a politician who was opposing it. And he was doing all sorts of shenanigans, all sorts of evil trickery to try to stop the devotees from getting the land.
So, Tamal Krishna Maharaj was in charge of the project. He told Prabhupada, one day, Prabhupada, these land dealings are causing me so much anxiety that they are disturbing my chanting. Prabhupada simply replied, they are disturbing my chanting also.
And then Prabhupada said, your anxiety for serving Krishna will take you back to Krishna. Because when we have a relationship with someone, naturally there is anxiety. So, Krishna wanted this temple to be established.
And, if for that I have to take up anxiety, my anxiety for serving Krishna will take me to Krishna. So, in that sense, a devotee’s ultimate goal is not peace. Devotee’s goal is to serve Krishna.
Spiritual anxiety, yeah. So, of course, this also has to be balanced. Because we are not at the sadhaka, siddha level, where there can be constant absorption in Krishna.
So, if we find our anxiety is becoming so much that it is disconnecting us from Krishna completely, then we may decide, this service, I can do for some time, but I cannot do it constantly. So, practically we can do based on our capacity. So, when that verse is saying, Krishna bhakta nishkama teva shanta, it is talking about a philosophical principle.
That because there is no self-centered desire, there is no karma, so there is no agitation that comes because of karma. But at the same time, there is spiritual desire. And that also brings some amount of anxiety.
But because that anxiety increases the connection with Krishna, that is considered positive. So, I will say there are two different contexts. In contrast with others, because devotees have no material desires, so there is no material agitation.
But spiritual agitation actually increases absorption, and that’s positive.