When we are provoked we get angry despite our resolutions not to do so – what to do?

Answer Podcast

Transcript

This is an AI-generated transcript and may contain some errors.
so when somebody behaves in a provocative way we tend to react at that time and when we don’t have that much mode of goodness how can we respond appropriately at that time yeah it’s difficult no doubt but we all can prepare that means we all know just by our own experience introspection we can know that there are certain pressure points for us certain situations when we tend to explode certain circumstances when some people are prone to act in particular ways that infuriate us so just as if we are going on a road and we know there is a bump on the road then we we remember that and we intentionally slow down so that we don’t get such a big jolt at the bump like that if we look back at our life we can to some extent learn about which situations comprise bumps in the journey of our life and which circumstances which situations are likely to be provocative and when that happens then we can actually so when we understand this then we will be prepared so if we find ourselves suddenly thrust into a provocative situation then rather than reacting we may not be able to react properly at that time but we might just choose not to react at that time we just choose this will become nastier if I speak anything so we just we just stay silent or walk away from there or do something by which we don’t we may not be able to defuse the situation completely but at least we don’t inflame it further and here if we are if we are prepared if we know this situation is likely to be provocative then we can plan in advance how can I calm myself down how can I prepare how can I respond in a more mature way you know we may we may prepare certain prayers which we keep with us certain mantras certain shlokas certain kirtan or certain darshan or whatever which can spiritualize our consciousness and thereby help us to calm down or if there are provocative situations that have happened and that there is a pattern of them happening then we may decide to have a time for discussing those at a time when we are relatively in the mode of goodness and the other person is also in the mode of goodness say we plan it out properly that it’s not that the other person is in a hurry or we are in a hurry and that time we bring up we bring up a potentially sensitive or explosive issue for discussion but we when we are both relaxed at a particular time then we bring up that issue so we all have to work our way with our conditionings so it is true that we will be impelled to act in particular ways and it is not easy so even when I speak these things it’s not that I will always respond appropriately but rather than thinking of this as digital that I respond rightly or respond wrongly we can see it as an analog progression that okay I spoke impulsively but at least I did not let it go beyond a particular matter. I realize that things are getting exploded, I check it things are getting worse, I check it at this particular point so we learn gradually, it’s not that if we have erred that doesn’t mean necessarily we have failed if we have strived to go towards the right to act properly and in spite of that the conditions made us act improperly then the effort is still something which will stand as a good study in future and we are growing so sometimes the possibility of failure or even the probability of failure to do the right thing or to do the better thing that probability itself acts as the acts as the discourager for attempting itself we have only two choices you know we we learn by failing or we fail to learn we fail to learn and we just stay where we are but we fail and we learn and then we move on and gradually we may fail many times but through each failure if we are learning then eventually we will come to a level where we learn the right thing the mind which makes it difficult for us to do the right thing often makes the right thing seem more difficult to do than what it actually is yes doing the right thing is difficult but when the mind magnifies the problem it makes us think this you will never be able to do this is just impractical but rather than listening to the mind over there we just try to take whatever small steps we can and even when we fail if we have tried we focus on what we tried rather than how we failed and by that gradually we will be able to try more, we will be able to do more and failure will give way to success. Shri Prabhupada says that in a letter to Gurudas Prabhu that failure is the stepping stone to success and Prabhupada says this is a material principle that means in material world things work this way you know very few if any people succeed automatically so with respect to physical skills we understand that it is not that the first day I pick up a bicycle I will be able to ride the bicycle effortlessly we know that I will have to go through a learning curve but when it comes to relationships we expect that there should be no learning curve and if there is a learning curve then we think that I will not be able to do it at all but we go through the learning curve and the learning curve is not endless, sometimes it is steep sometimes it is not so steep but if we keep climbing eventually we do learn and that’s how we even through the struggle even if that other person even if during our struggle, during our failing our relationship with that person the other person seems to be worsening but actually if we don’t try it’s anyway going to worsen it’s not going to improve and just by our trying even if the other person doesn’t appreciate our trying if we are trying in a mode of service then Krishna is appreciating and we are battling our conditionings, we are moving in the journey towards overcoming our conditionings so by having this incremental vision of improvement rather than a discrete vision of improvement where we think that either I do the right thing or I do the wrong thing but we see that I am doing more and more of the right thing and gradually I will be able to do the right thing fully then we can stay progressive on the path to improvement.
Thank you.